Burgling for Jesus
Here’s a nugget of WTF to squirrel away in your Christians Do the Darnedest Things file:
Two members of a Christian paramilitary group called “The Savior Unit” were charged with kidnapping and burglary for allegedly conducting a home invasion while clad in ski-masks, military garb and bullet-proof vests.
Michael Shaun Schaffran, 32, and Cody Jacob Rogers, 18, were arrested after allegedly breaking into a home on Tuesday night in Gautier, Mississippi. They were each charged with three counts of kidnapping and burglary of an occupied house, the Sun-Herald reports.
According to police, Schaffran and Rogers dressed up in military gear, ski masks and bullet-proof vests, broke into the house, and attacked the three people who lived there. At the time of the arrest, Schaffran had a knife, though Rogers was unarmed.
Authorities say Schaffran is the “commander” of a paramilitary group of teenagers called “The Savior Unit” or “The Tactical Support Unit,” and Rogers is the “captain.” According to an operations manual allegedly confiscated from Schaffran and Rogers, the goal of the group is to “promote Christ, obtain offenders who are a danger to society, do community service work for churches and halfway houses, and do security for different functions.”
From the Mississippi Press, Captain Kenny McMellon said in a press conference that Schaffran and Rogers led four other teens, ages 16-18, in “training” that took place in the woods, including “hand-to-hand combat, reconnaissance, paramilitary operations and Bible scripture reading.”
The Ten Commandments may state “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house” but it doesn’t say you can’t burgle it. Loopholes, people. It’s all about the loopholes.
I doubt Jesus would have been down with kidnapping, but you never know. Jesus was a wild and crazy guy.
[via Talking Points Memo]
[cross-posted at Angry Black Lady Chronicles]
Raven
Like to see them try to “obtain” my offensive ass.
Roger Moore
It does say “Thou shalt not steal”, which seems like it would preclude burglary.
wrb
A drone would help with that
ET
The first time I saw this my first thought was “cult.” Then I thought there is a reason my dad didn’t want to live in Mississippi and got out.
Yutsano
@ET: Amazingly enough my hippie ebil gubmint working friend loved Mississippi. But she’s also melanin challenged. Amazing how they’ll tolerate pagans if the colouring is correct.
buckyblue
WWJPW: Who Would Jesus Pistol Whip?
Benjamin Franklin
Christian Zionists?
The surge in Paramilitary orgs since Obama was allowed to use the ‘white only ‘bathroom in the WH is no laughing matter. These Rubes, though, are funny.
Amir Khalid
@Roger Moore:
As I understand, there is no commandment that actually says, “Thou shalt not commit breaking and entering”. These guys are in the clear, as long as they don’t actually steal from the houses they enter.
gaz
@Roger Moore: Warning: A nit is about to be picked.
Burglary doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with theft (as defined by most state laws I am aware of).
Burglary specifically, is the act of breaking into some place with the intent of committing another crime (and in most places, the intent can be inferred by prosecuters -from the B&E part)
IOW: Burglary means breaking into some place. Often it means breaking into a place to do something else illegal. Theft is often the 2nd act, but not a prerequisite.
jrg
How come Jesus never tells these people to brush their fucking teeth?
middlewest
This sounds like a much better reality show than some boring suburbanite muslims, to be honest.
gaz
…
wow. last I checked, jesus wasn’t really down with breaking into people’s homes and terrorizing and kidnapping people.
I’ll have to check my scripture.
shoutingattherain
I love this story! Gud ol boyz B&E for Jeebus.
The Southern Strategy, writ stupid.
Lev
Guy on the right looks like a male Anne Hathaway. Tell me I’m wrong.
handy
@gaz: @gaz:
Well, there’s this.
See they were just “liberating” souls for Jeebus.
Sly
Oh, sky cake…
gaz
@Lev: Guy on the left looks like his family tree is just a pole.
Tell me I’m wrong.
Ed in NJ
That’s one seriously old teenager.
gaz
@handy: needs moar context.
(I’ve read the whole book)
But thanks – I forgot about that passage. The bible is full of funny stuff ain’t it? Like many things, I’m sure it made sense at the time. heh =P
Redshift
@jrg: Gotta keep away from that Communist brainwashing fluoridation…
gaz
@Sly: Awesome fucking link.
I like cake.
MikeBoyScout
@10 jrg: FTW!
Soonergrunt
Between these two and the four unindicted members of the group, there’s a full set of teeth.
Raven
In case anyone missed the chance to help lil Tiffany the doggie.
handy
@gaz:
more context still wouldn’t let these guys off the hook
gaz
@handy: whoa dude. I was talking about that passage – not these violent, felonious hoods.
syphonblue
Christians everywhere should be forced to apologize for these terrorists.
gaz
@syphonblue: Fuck that – I won’t be held responsible for crazy nutbags.
And (warning: excerpting an earlier post of mine from another thread)
Religious nutjobs are still first and foremost, nutjobs. Religion is just the conduit by which they exercise their crazy. If there were no religion, they’d just find something else.
handy
@gaz:
Oh that.
Well, Jesus was casting out demons (believe what you will but the point was the demon-afflicted appeared to be better off for it.) The religious dudes didn’t like it, called him Satan. He calls “FAIL!” then proceeds to explain that Satan wouldn’t be undermining his own work. But in fact he’s the guy plundering Satan’s treaasure, so to speak. That’s basically it.
The Ancient Randonneur
Please allow me to introduce myself …
gaz
@handy: Somehow I don’t think that applies to the situation in this article.
If they used it to justify their actions, it’s because they are stupid, violent, and insane thugs.
The fact they are religious, just means that they are stupid, violent, and insane thugs – for jesus.
I seriously doubt the Jesus I understand (fiction or not) would have condoned these actions. If I felt he did, I’d want no part of his ideas. But I think the overarching ideas outlined in the new testament are actually fairly good ones.
It’s the specifics where shit gets funny. Try 2000 years of distance, several translations, and loss of cultural context, to see why it is what it is. If you really want to measure the actions against what Christ would have supported, I think the easiest thing to do is just imagine that you love whomever you are acting on. Gauge your actions against that love. Pretty cut and dried (not that I personally can adhere to this much of the time, but sometimes I even remember to try)
Cluttered Mind
Which one was the Arkon?
handy
@gaz:
I never meant to imply otherwise. Sometimes snark just doesn’t go over very well on these internets, so I’ll take the hit on this one.
Kathy in St. Louis
@Lev:
You are correct. Guy on the left looks like….who do you know who looks like he’s never had a bath?
gaz
@handy: You preacher me choir.
Honestly, I probably read too much into your post.
I’ve been called violent, stupid, and insane over the fact that I think the idea of Jesus is a pretty swell one. It’s pretty common on these here internetz. I apologize that I read that into your post. Too much knee-jerk bullshit whenever someone outs themselves as a Jesus fan. I grow tired of it. Sometimes that clouds my comprehension of comments on the topic, I admit.
Adding, I dig Ghandi, MLK, etc too. Anyone that promotes a vision of making the world a better, more just place. I’m sure the reality of these historical figures (like Jesus) was quite different than the perception, but they are remembered on the perception – and it’s that perception that makes the them historically significant. They’ve added value to the human experience.
gaz
@gaz: arg – I didn’t edit in time… meant to say that the perception is probably different than the reality. oops
lamh35
So Romney in his new stump speech likes to say he wants to “keep America American…” unlike that Kenyan usurper…
Hmmm where has that phrase been used before…
Romney Using KKK Slogan?
by Steve M.
Naw too blatant a dog-whistle right?
Horrendo Slapp (formerly Jimperson Zibb, Duncan Dönitz, Otto Graf von Pfmidtnöchtler-Pízsmőgy, Mumphrey, et al.)
@buckyblue:
Damn, you beat me to it. I was going to ask: WHWJITIO? (Whose House Would Jesus Invade to Terrorize Its Owners?) I have to say, though, yours is a mite catchier…
Villago Delenda Est
@gaz:
Jesus is a swell guy.
Unfortunately, many of the people who claim to be his followers are actually followers of Mammon.
gbear
Dude on the left looks like he got a sunburn while wearing goggles. He’s got a reverse racoon mask.
That, plus if you’re going to shave the sides of your head, at least get the sides even. You look enough like a clown as it is.
gaz
@Villago Delenda Est: I completely agree. Funny, the bible itself even alludes to this. Read Revelations sometime, just for fun =)
Benjamin Franklin
Let’s not denigrate the man Jesus, just because he has some assholes trying to cash in on his image.
gaz
@Benjamin Franklin: x2
Why is it that Christianity is easiest to actually practice when the people around you will try to kill you for it?
Example: There’s not a single north korean christian that gives fuck all about teh ghey marriage.
Somehow, I think people wanting to kill you for having a relationship w/ christ lends some much needed priorities. Pretty much, I almost think the bible kinda says that too. I don’t think that any society where a “Christian” belief system is a power card is actually Christian at all.
Christ works best when society marginalizes him. =)
Quaker in a Basement
This gives me an idea for a new reality show: “When Reality Shows Go Bad”.
opie jeanne
I’m curious about what the occupants of the house were that drew the attention of these idjits? There is no justification for the behavior of said idjits, but I’m in the mood to be further outraged by their activities.
Jay in Oregon
@Cluttered Mind:
Wow, my first thought on reading this was the Hutaree militia as well.
So, to recap:
* TV show about Muslins trying to integrate into American society = ZOMG EBIL UNDERCOVER TERRISTS!
* Story about Christian domestic terorrists = YAWN isolated incident.
piratedan
well I’m sure it was for their own good, they were probably in there being indoctrinated by Modern Family or sumthin’
Glen Tomkins
Man, you try to practice some freedom of religion in this country, and the jack-booted govt thugs are right down on you. It’s burglary and kidnapping only if done by pagans or secular humanists, but to the godly, all things are lawful. Haven’t you heard of justification by faith alone?
Roger Moore
@gaz:
I think what’s happening is that there are people who care about what Jesus said and greedy people who want to hook in with the power centers of society. In a country like the USA, where the power centers are largely explicitly Christian, the greedy people will call themselves Christians because that’s how to get ahead. In places where Christians are actually persecuted, the power hungry people will jump in with the persecutors and only the true believers will call themselves Christians.
ericblair
(Cut to wide-boy Pope, with small moustache and kipper tie. A sign says: ‘No Questions Asked Religion’.)
Bill (Michael Palin): In our Church we try to help people to help themselves – to cars, washing machines, lead piping, no questions asked. We are the only Church, apart from the Baptists, to do respray jobs.
Benjamin Franklin
@gaz:
The way of true Christianity is not an easy one, despite what cafeteria christians might say.
I could cite some scripture, but I think you can find some of your own.
Real christians are persecuted for their beliefs. The reward is in the afterlife, not in profitability, today.
kay
Gaz, FWIW, I don’t think it has a thing to do with religion.
It’s about a pathetic creep from Arizona who traveled to this place and appointed himself spiritual leader of a bunch of clueless teenagers half his age.
That 18 year old is going away a long time if he’s convicted.
18 years old. What a waste.
I guess I should be grateful asshole didn’t involve the juveniles.
The Other Chuck
@gaz:
Or it’s entirely possible that without religion, there might be a few less folks who get steeped, simmered, and stewed in bugfuck crazy hateful bullshit their entire lives and end up expressing it in bugfuck crazy hateful ways.
Ecks
From comments in the source TPM article:
The 2nd amendment doesn’t specify whether the arms people have the right to bear are the pop pop kind or the stabby kind.
Being as well regulated militias, it says, are essential, you gotta let the people have unspecified forms of weaponry. Somehow this has been translated as “you gotta let me have guns, and only guns, whether or not I’m part of a well regulated anything.” I don’t think I understand Americans.
Ben Ciscoof stoopid.
These guys put on one high-quality display of stoopid,
__
We should probably be thankful there doesn’t appear to be a Fox News show or a run for political office on the horizon.
__
For now.
Ben Cisco
Whatta buncha maroons.
__
We should be thankful there is no Fox News show or run for political office on the horizon for them.
__
For now.
DanielX
@Ben Cisco: Don’t be too sure, with an act like that these guys will have an agent in no time. Perhaps they’ll appear on the Sarah Palin reality show I’ve heard about in an episode called “Well Meaning White Trash”…
AA+ Bonds
Dude on the left has an extra meth hole where his septum should be.
Remember that Obama beheading plot a few years back? Meth is KKK fuel.
AA+ Bonds
@lamh35:
HAHAHAHA nicccee
Arclite
Cuz Jesus was all about home invasions. And fucking little boys in the ass. And killing brownskins. Apparently.
Aet
This sounds like a great idea for an Adult Swim live-action “comedy”.
“Jesus Force”, a story about a group of washouts and dropouts who each have a religious experience and unite to fight evil and spread the name of Christ. The joke would be that some of them are obviously mentally unwell, while others are just criminals.
Each episode would have a kind of ‘job of the week’, where one of the people would have a seizure, do mushrooms, get drunk, or otherwise halucinate, imagine, be tricked into, or fabricate a command from the Big Guy about some holy task. There’d be a brief section of each episode where the Guys are planning things like little kids, where they’re being heroic and fighting ninja-warlocks or whatever, and then the rest of the episode would be their various and sordid criminal acts coming to pass.
Comparisons with Boondock Saints are easy to make here, but it would be a lot less violent.
There would also be an ongoing story about the tragic families that these people belong to, and their ongoing heroic struggles at trying to maintain a stable family, and other such quiet heroics.
Child of god
I personally know the leader of this group and yes he was in the wrong and yes his thoughts maybe a foggy on what he can an can not do as he tried to do good by other and as a friend of his i can say he is not the brightest person i know maybe even a little disturbed however it is not our place to judge him as person his crime will seek judgement in a court room but his heart and soul is none of yours to judge but the lord our gods furthermore maybe some of you should search yourselves more for faults and worry not of others i will pray for all your lost souls as well as my friends Michael Schaffran the good friend loving husband playful uncle hard worker cheerful son and true mentor he is
Soonergrunt
@Child of god: They’re terrorists, and they should be treated like terrorists.
I’ll judge whomever I see fit to judge, and here on the material plane, they’ll fucking well deal with it.
Forgiveness is God’s purview. It is absolutely not required of me, and it will not be forthcoming.
These fuckwits, and you, presumably, are no different than the religious extremists I fought in Iraq and Afghanistan. Probably aren’t as well educated, for that matter. And to see them trying to destroy the country I fought to defend with my blood, and to see you trying to excuse that, makes my blood boil.
jmarley69
FYI i am captain of TSU and Michael Schaffran and my brother Cody Rogers are completely innocent of the crimes because unlike this media bullshit i know the real story… get a fuckin life especially to this guy right cher above me you need to stay off the internet it polluted your fucked up little mind.. they went to save some “danzel in distress” she was screaming from a street over when they get ther shes held at knife point by her husband so this is wher they obtained the weapon and get the following charges as you see above not guilty so before you make fucked assumptions find out the truth… STUPID BITCHES
Soonergrunt
@jmarley69: You need to learn to spell, to use proper grammar and punctuation, and how to construct a sentence.
These skills–had you paid better attention in school, you’d have them–would serve you well not just on internet fora, but in your interpersonal relations. They might even help stay out of jail. You keep running around with your brother and Mr. Schaffran, you’re going to need all the good grammar and punctuation you can get.
I said in an earlier comment that I figured that between the six of you, there was probably a full set of teeth. I see now that was optimistic. (You might want to look that word up.)
And of course the police believed everything you’ve said here and that’s why these two heroes were let out of jail with the thanks of the community–oh, wait. They weren’t. They’re still in jail because the police don’t believe what you’re saying.
Mr. Schaffran has quite a rap sheet:
That was an actual captain, by the way.
You would do better to go to a real church than keeping up this nonsense.
If you really must wear uniforms and body armor, you might want to talk to these people. I can tell you from personal experience, that we have body armor, uniforms, training, discipline–all the things you seem to need and want. We even have Chaplains, so that angle is covered, as well. You won’t be able to run around calling yourself ‘captain’ because we frown on that unless you actually are one, but there’s nothing wrong with starting out as “Private” and working your way up from there. Oh, and as a bonus–FREE DENTAL CARE!
You should check it out.
ghozd
@jmarley69
I got ya back bro
These illwits that would rather have dumb shit like meth labs on every street corner and are willing to let the real bad people steal christmas from about 20 innocent familes witch actually happened in the area in the days after the group was shut down look it up knowledge is powerif you eat all the bs media feeds you you are worthless anyways open your eyes people if these guys are terrorists then anyone that has ever had an actual instinct moment is a terrorist if you by more than 3 cell phones at wal – mart you are put on a terrorist watch list look it up and i already know someone will have ill to say of me please correct me if i am wrong about anything opinions are welcome stupidity in intolerable :) have a nice day!
Soonergrunt
@ghozd: Ahh. Mississippi ranks 48th in the nation for education spending and outcomes. The proof is in the pudding.
You do understand that you only need one cell phone to call 911, right? And that seems to work just fine because while you guys were terrorizing these people, somebody called 911 and the cops (who seem pretty on the ball in your neck of the woods–they already had you guys under surveillance) arrived very quickly according to every report I’ve read.
Just think–if you fools had been doing something constructive instead of following a con man like Schaffran, those cops could have been protecting Christmas for those families instead of following you yahoos around. Of course, the neighborhood watch that put the cops onto you guys seems pretty squared away too, so there probably wasn’t much threat to Christmas, either.
Knowledge is power. On that point at least you are right. Stopped clocks, blind squirrels, etc. But knowledge being power, I get get the idea from your bad grammar, poor spelling, and disjointed ranting that you live in the dark and cold.
As far as the claims you make–again, the police don’t seem to believe that you are either telling the truth or know what you are talking about.
I was young and stupid once like you are now (although I was never as functionally illiterate as you and your friends appear to be) but the Army fixed me.
So, get a good night’s sleep, don’t tweak for a few days–I know it will be hard, but you can do it if you really want to make something of yourself–and go to an Army recruiter. They’ll hook you up. They even have GED programs, which you appear to need.