Monday Night Open Thread

Had about 45 kids tonight and ran out of candy with 45 minutes left, so I had to turn the front porch light off and hide. Really weird- last year was a nicer night, and I had half as many kids. This year it was drizzling, and there were kids everywhere.

80 replies
  1. 1

    Are you sure it wasn’t the same kids going back out to the street, exchanging hats, and coming back in for more candy? Because I swear: there’s one six year old princess who’s been by here five times, and the only thing that changes is the coat her mom is wearing.

  2. 2
    Brian S says:

    Apparently, the kids trick or treat on the Sunday before Halloween here in Des Moines, no matter when Halloween falls. Fortunately our landlord clued us in on that.

    So tonight, because I’m at work, I’m making fun of the new display of meat sticks in my department.

  3. 3
    demkat620 says:

    Each of my two kids got about 15 lbs of candy and not one Take 5.
    Not one.

    The candy quality in this neighborhood is clearly in decline.

    I blame Obama.

  4. 4
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    Hey, maybe they knew you were that weird blogger guy and you had to get ready for that singing show or MNF or something.

  5. 5
    Litlebritdifrnt2 says:

    I don’t do the Halloween thing ever. In previous years with porch light off still had a bunch of kids knocking on the door. Tonight with porch light off had zero kids knocking on the door. None. It is very strange.

  6. 6
    DougJ says:

    I live in a perfect city neighborhood for t and ting — houses with small lots — but all Real Murkins drive their kids out to Applebee’s land to walk miles from house to house, so I have no t and ters most halloweens. Sad.

  7. 7
    lamh34 says:

    totally superficial and I know you guys at Ballon Juice are too hip and cool to care, but I saw this and my first thought was, it’s funny that straight people worry about what gay marriage will do to the “sanctity of marriage”, but the gays aint’ got nothing on the straights on this one!

    Kim Kardashian To File For Divorce

    as an aside, 72 days was shorter than I thought. I had money riding on at least 1 year to give it some sense of “normalcy” in relaity world.

  8. 8
    Boudica says:

    Just getting started here in TX. Hope the candy lasts.

  9. 9
    JGabriel says:

    John Cole:

    This year it was drizzling, and there were kids everywhere.

    They pop up out of the ground when you water them.


  10. 10
    gbear says:

    It’s been dark for an hour and I haven’t had one kid yet. I don’t want to be stuck with all this candy. My willpower is weak.

    I need a dozen or so kids to at least get rid of the Snickers bars.

    edit: 5 kids just showed up. 10 Snickers bars gone. yay.

  11. 11
    kdaug says:

    I ate them.

    You’re welcome.

  12. 12
    DougJ says:

    Also too, this is good news for MItt Romney.

  13. 13
    JWL says:

    Your house would have been in deep shit when I was a kid. We didn’t fuck around with anyone unwilling to pay protection.

  14. 14
    cleek says:

    same here.

    last year, we got two.

    this year, we’ve refilled the Big Bowl Of Handing twice.

  15. 15
    schrodinger's cat says:

    The storm played a quite a trick on us. Day 2 of no power. It will take another day or two.

  16. 16
    MikeJ says:

    Fans of the double bass should head over to rumproast and click the read more on the music thread.

  17. 17
    demkat620 says:

    OMG somebody gave my kids Crackers! LOL

  18. 18
    jeffreyw says:

    None here, been in this house for 25 years and the next kid will be our first.

  19. 19
    JGabriel says:


    It’s been dark for an hour and I haven’t had one kid yet.

    I guess it’s time we had that talk about the facts of life, gbear. It’s not enough for the room to be dark. You also need someone of the opposite sex to be in the room with you. Then you need to wait 9 months, not just an hour. It’s not like dropping off film to develop at the drugstore*.

    (*Jokes that no one under 25 will get.)


  20. 20
    cathyx says:

    Too early here on the west coast. My take on opting out of giving out candy is if you have kids trick-or-treating, you better have your light on and giving it out. If no one is participating in your family, then by all means turn the lights out.
    I’ve had some years where I ran out of candy and had to raid my daughters bag to hand out candy. Of course, anything with coconut was the first to go.

  21. 21
    JGabriel says:


    I’ve had some years where I ran out of candy and had to raid my daughters bag to hand out candy.

    She will never forgive you. You know that, right?


  22. 22
    marcopolo says:

    Just came back from walking the dogs in StL. More kids out tonight, fewer houses giving out candy than in 2010. And the busy period seems to have been a half hour or forty-five minutes later than las year. Still have half a bowl left which should be enough to carry us through.

    Happy Halloween everyone!

  23. 23
    cathyx says:

    @JGabriel: Lucky for me she’s not a huge candy freak, like me.

  24. 24
    beltane says:

    It was a madhouse this year, maybe because it wasn’t raining around here like it was last year. A few trick-or-treaters even made it to our house which is at the end of a long driveway in the middle of nowhere.

  25. 25
    Jenny says:

    @lamh34: it was all a scam. rating fodder for her show and monetizing the wedding album. the ratings for the “break-up” episodes will go through the roof.

  26. 26
    JGabriel says:

    I never open my door for anyone on Halloween. I’ve heard too many horror stories about axe-wielding dwarfs taking advantage of the holiday to increase their hit-counts and level-up.


  27. 27
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @JGabriel: That is either very wise or quite insane. I can’t decide.

  28. 28
    cathyx says:

    @JGabriel: You sound like a republican.

  29. 29
    lamh34 says:

    @Jenny: oh yeah, I know it’s for ratings. I don’t watch the show, I’ve never even watched an ep, but I do know people who do and some of them are fairly young, and too stupid to know that they are being used cause they have easy money to spend.

  30. 30
    Crashman says:

    Living in an apartment building sucks sometimes. No trick-or-treaters. We did get Ghosted this year though, so there’s that.

  31. 31
    Suffern ACE says:

    @jeffreyw: I’ll stop over. I’ll be the one dressed as the guy who looks like he would prefer that you make him a sandwich than give him Smarties.

  32. 32
    lamh34 says:

    How lazy am I, I’m hungry and I want a hamburger, but I’m too damn lazy to get up and get one. I’m just sitting here watching Blade II and seeing vampires kill, maim and bloodlet humand, and here I am wanting a hamburger….it that strange…lo

  33. 33
    Mnemosyne says:

    We live in an apartment on the second floor, so we don’t get trick or treaters. I don’t even know what we would give them if some showed up.

    Halloween is a big deal here at the Giant Evil Corporation, so it’s been an extremely unproductive day for everyone and I’ve eaten way more candy than can possibly be good for me.

  34. 34
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Also too, if you should come to in a bathtub full of ice cubes, check right away to make sure you have the same number of kidneys you woke up with this morning.

  35. 35
    Dead Earnest says:



  36. 36
    Brian S says:

    @Suffern ACE: I bought Smarties on the notion that there would be tons left over, but the little creeps in our neighborhood seemed to enjoy running us out of them.

  37. 37
    JGabriel says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    That is either very wise or quite insane. I can’t decide.

    A Cautionary Tale:

    My married friend Joe opened his door one Halloween to a short person.

    “Oh, look, Kate,” Joe shouted out to his wife, “A hobbit!”

    Then he leaned down and asked, “Are you Frodo or Samwise?”

    The short person responded, “I’m a fucking dwarf, you jackass,” and lopped off his head with an axe.

    Now I’m dating Kate, and I’ve only got five cash installments left before I’m finished paying off that contract I took out with Gimli.

    So when I warn you about axe-wielding dwarfs on Halloween, I’m speaking from experience.


  38. 38
    sfinny says:

    I live on the second floor of an apartment building too, so far have had around thirty kids. Usually have more, but our power was out until sometime this afternoon so lots of people were gone or not answering their door.

  39. 39
    gbear says:

    OK, now I’m nervous. A couple of kids that were a little too old to be trick-or-treating just showed up, and as they were leaving one of them said ‘nice house’. Why did he have to go and say that?

  40. 40
    Raven (formerly stuckinred) says:

    Two kids. . .that’s it. We live on a small dead-end street with no sidewalks and shitty lights so we never get much action. There is a big street nearby with lots of big old houses that get lots of kids. On the neighborhood listserv it was suggested that those of us with little action buy candy for them. Then someone said we shouldn’t buy any Mars products and, instead, get free trade treats.

  41. 41
    JCJ says:

    A couple of years ago my daughter and her friend each got a pack of instant ramen while trick or treating. That was their favorite Halloween treat ever!

  42. 42
    JGabriel says:


    @JGabriel: You sound like a republican.

    TAKE IT BACK! NOW! That is a foul and disgusting thing to call anyone! I demand an apology!

    How would you feel if I compared you to Sarah Palin or Ann Coulter, huh?

    A republican. That is just completely below the belt.


  43. 43
    JGabriel says:


    A couple of kids that were a little too old to be trick-or-treating just showed up, and as they were leaving one of them said ‘nice house’. Why did they have to go and say that?

    If any of them was carrying an ax and looked even remotely dwarf-like, call 911 NOW!


  44. 44
    gbear says:

    @JGabriel: One of them looked like he should be named ‘Toby’. He’s the one I’m worried about.

  45. 45
    cathyx says:

    @JGabriel: I didn’t say you were a republican, I said you sound like one.

    p.s. I think you need to listen to a little Danny Boy too.

  46. 46
    burnspbesq says:

    Coming up on 6:00 in SoCal, and there is nothing going on in our neighborhood. I’m about to go into the candy jar and clean out anything with peanuts in it. After all, we wouldn’t want to, umm, trigger an allergic reaction. Yeah, that’s it: I know I’m not allergic, so I’ll take one for the team.

  47. 47
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @JGabriel: That doesn’t really help my decision making now, does it?

  48. 48
    JPL says:

    I had the six little ones on my street. The costumes were great. One was Scream with a bloody face and all but my favorite was the girl in the Addams Family. I think her name was Wednesday. Great costumes.

  49. 49
    Linnaeus says:

    I thought this article was germane to a recent discussion I had with some other folks here on Balloon Juice re what jobs ought we to promote in the US? Some folks were arguing that we needed to focus on 1) high-technology training & education and 2) “upgrading” service jobs. Both are worth doing, but the latter choice is going to be a real challenge because the trends are firmly moving away from more service:

    The conventional wisdom is that America has become a “service economy,” but actually, in many sectors, “service” is disappearing. There was a time when a gas station attendant would routinely fill your tank and even check your oil and clean your windshield and rear window without charge, then settle your bill. Today, all those jobs have been transferred to the customer: we pump our own gas, squeegee our own windshield, and pay our own bill by swiping a credit card. Where customers once received service from the service station, they now provide “self-service” — a synonym for “no service.” Technology enables this sleight of hand, which lets gas stations cut their payrolls, having co-opted their patrons into doing these jobs without pay.

    The forces that are undermining unskilled and semi-skilled manufacturing jobs in the US are closely linked to the the forces that are “de-servicing” service jobs, and so I wonder just how we’re going to reverse that. Not saying it can’t be done or shouldn’t be done, but the deck is stacked severely against expanding service.

  50. 50
    handsmile says:

    Here in my neighborhood in Astoria, NY, I refer to October 31 as “The Day of the Locusts” (also too a movie reference for DougJ’s earlier thread).

    Beginning early in the afternoon, squadrons of children, teens, and others whose age should shame them, appear costumed or not along the avenues. In deliberate, merciless fashion they proceed from merchant to merchant, whether it be florist, convenience store, restaurant, cellphone emporium, butcher or beauty salon, demanding tribute. By early evening, many proprietors, depleted and quaking, display “No More Candy” signs in their windows. As if that will stop them!

    I returned home a short while ago, now secure in my apartment building, but the rampage continues outside.

  51. 51
    Steeplejack says:

    No trick-or-treaters here for me on the eighth floor of my building.

    I had breakfast at IHOP with my brother yesterday, and all the staffers were wearing costumes. I was simultaneously aroused and disturbed by the extremely attractive Indian vampire cashier. I don’t think my reaction can be chalked up completely to cultural dissonance. Should I seek therapy or just let it go and vow to never speak of it again?

  52. 52
    Shlemizel says:

    very disappointing, we have only have 7 kids tonight. Weather has been fine & that is 2 more than last year but I really want to hand out more candy.

  53. 53
    JGabriel says:


    Also too, if you should come to in a bathtub full of ice cubes, check right away to make sure you have the same number of kidneys you woke up with this morning.

    Exactly. That is excellent advice that everyone should follow.

    And if you find that a kidney IS missing, then you should go directly to the hospital to hunt down and kill the axe-wielding dwarf bastard who cut it out of you and steal it right back before he gets it implanted in himself.


  54. 54
    gnomedad says:

    Had about 45 kids tonight and ran out of candy with 45 minutes left

    Add another 45 of some random thing and you’ll have an economic plan.

  55. 55
    burnspbesq says:


    I’d say you should go back and get her phone number and email address. And hope her parents aren’t so old-school that they’ve given her away in an arranged marriage.

  56. 56
    JGabriel says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    That doesn’t really help my decision making now, does it?

    Dammit. I forgot to mention that, after the axe-wielding dwarf lopped off Joe’s head, he trundled away, carrying Joe’s head by a hank of his hair, and whistling the bridge from Otis Redding’s version of “Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Bay“.

    Nonchalant bastards, those axe-wielding dwarfs.


  57. 57
    burnspbesq says:

    So West Virginia is suing the Big East Conference for breach of fiduciary duty?

    Can you say “sanctions?” I thought you could.

  58. 58
    Comrade Mary says:

    I live in a Toronto neighbourhood with a lot of small, densely packed houses. I usually get about 100+ kids, but they started late this year — about 6:50 — and I ran out of candy by 7:25. (Luckily, I was scouting kids and got to give them out precisely to the last visible flurry. I didn’t want 6 kids to show up when I had only 3 bars left.

    Plus: the best costume EVER.

    Here’s a spin on reverse-trick-or-treating that I got a kick out of. I grew up in a college town, and one Halloween our doorbell rang and we opened the door expecting to see trickortreaters– but what was in front of our open door–was another door! Like, a full-on wooden door, that had a sign that said “Please knock.” So we did, and the door swung open to reveal a bunch of college dudes dressed as really old grandmothers, curlers in their hair, etc, who proceeded to coo over our “costumes” and tell us we were “such cute trick or treaters!” One even pinched my cheek. Then THEY gave US candy, closed their door, picked it up and walked to the next house.
    It was amazing.

    The illustrated version.

  59. 59
    mike says:

    when i run out of candy, i just start giving out those little single-serving bottles of booze like you used to get on the airplane before deregulation and all that.

  60. 60
    Linda says:

    I didn’t hand out tonight–had to work, but work (library) was deader than Julius Caesar. But in a pinch, I always keep a roll of nickles for such occassions. One little girl even blurted out: “Money! May favorite!”

  61. 61
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @mike: Where do you live and what time do you usually run out of candy?

  62. 62
    Comrade Mary says:

    Hey! A vampire done et mile’s comment about handing out wee bottles of booze. Or maybe zombies.

  63. 63
    MonkeyBoy says:

    Yesterday I bought a few bags of candy and had to sample one. The bag split apart in my backback.

    Today on my way home I had to run some small errands – library, computer store, beer store, etc.

    To each person who helped me or rang me up I gave a candy bar since the stores close at 8 or 9. They were all touched.

  64. 64
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Comrade Mary: Zombies. Totes zombies.

  65. 65
    Svensker says:

    First Halloween in Toronto and didn’t know what to expect. Hub said we bought too much candy. We had 100s of kids and ran out of candy, had to turn off the lights and go hide, like Cole.

    My favorite (or not) was a 6 year old kid whose mom came up on the porch with him and demanded candy for herself because “I’m working harder than he is”. She meant it, too.

  66. 66
    Lysana says:

    @JGabriel: Considering one dwarf I know, those stories are almost too close to true. But he’d kill you for calling him a midget, not a hobbit.

  67. 67
    Steeplejack says:

    @Comrade Mary:

    Wow, that’s meta. Or recursive. Or both.

  68. 68
    Raven (formerly stuckinred) says:

    @Svensker: Killer!

  69. 69
    Cain says:


    A republican. That is just completely below the belt.

    I do believe a few republicans have been known to hang out below the belt.

  70. 70
    Cain says:


    Now I’m dating Kate, and I’ve only got five cash installments left before I’m finished paying off that contract I took out with Gimli.

    So when I warn you about axe-wielding dwarfs on Halloween, I’m speaking from experience.

    So how long have you had the hots for your friends wife, eh? :)

  71. 71
    Cain says:

    Trick or Treat was awesome when I was a kid. Roving bands of kids everywhere.. and we came out with a bunch of candy. It took us over 6 months to finish it. It felt magical to my 8 year old self. Ahh.. good times, good times.

  72. 72
    OmerosPeanut says:

    If you had the instincts of George Will, this would be your inspiration to ask if a second baby boom was in progress.

  73. 73
    JGabriel says:


    So how long have you had the hots for your friends wife, eh?

    Shush, you. It’s all the axe-wielding dwarf’s fault. Or Ayn Rand’s fault, because everything is Ayn Rand’s fault, but the dwarf comes in a close second. He introduced us.


  74. 74
    Calouste says:

    What I would like to do with Halloween one year (although I know I probably will never get around to it), is take out the front door, put some fake door in there made of paper or cardboard, and when someone rings the doorbell, cut through it with a chainsaw or an axe.

  75. 75
    Comrade Luke says:

    I’ve seen a couple moms I’d like to give a Bit ‘o Honey, if you know what I mean.

    And I know that you do.

  76. 76
    suzanne says:

    So get a load of this bullshit.

    Every year for Halloween, my neighbors all sit outside together with our bowls of candy to greet the trick-or-treaters. We live on a cul-de-sac, and we sort of close off the street, so kids don’t have to go knocking on everyone’s doors, and the adults sit outside and drink a beer. Tonight, a BMW convertible pulled up, and one boy, probably about ten years old, climbed out of the passenger seat, takes four pieces of candy from each bowl even though we told him to take only one, then got back in the car and was driven to the next house. I leaned over to my neighbor and whispered, “There’s a young Republican in the making”.

  77. 77
    tkogrumpy says:

    Cheap S.O.B.

  78. 78
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    @Brian S:

    I always stash my cut for the night. My wife sets the Reeses aside as the last bags to be opened.

    She has her priorities. Quite the run tonight, just had a straggler princess drop by for some goodies. My wife rigs the front up with lots of webs, black lights, pumpkins, flashing lights with a screeching/laughing soundbox, motion triggered) and her favorite; a huge motion triggered motorized spider that drops down from the porch rafters as the victims are leaving.

    That one always gets them. The parents with the young kids love it. One little girl was afraid to go up on our porch, even with her Mom. She had her Dad guard her.

    Lots of corrupting candy handed out so we should be safe from the vandals. ;)

  79. 79
    Yutsano says:

    For Tim F. Max iz even moar famouser!

  80. 80
    Death Panel Truck says:

    I always turn out my lights on Halloween.

    Goddamn little moochers. Let ’em buy their own candy. ;)

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