Christian Nutbag Bryan Fischer Claims Jesus Would Whip Occupy Wall Street Protestors

Your Jesus sucks.

Bryan Fischer, spokesperson (excuse me “Director of Issues Analysis) for the right-wing American Family Association really let it all hang out with his latest screed. He claimed that Jesus would not be down with this Occupy Wall Street business, and that if he were to come back today, he’d go right down to Zucotti Park and start cracking skulls:

Bryan Fischer: Would Jesus occupy Wall Street? Not on your life
Friday, October 28, 2011 10:23 AM

By Bryan Fischer

Follow me on Twitter: @BryanJFischer, on Facebook at “Focal Point”

A CNN anchor asked earlier this week whether or not Jesus would occupy Wall Street.

That question can be answered with a categorical “No.”

First, Jesus has no truck with rank, blatant hypocrites. The OWS crowd has now fallen to squabbling over who gets a slice of the $500,000 which has been donated to them, and which, by the way, they put in one of the evil, greedy banks they are out to destroy.

And the OWS crowd is thinking about incorporating! In other words, they’re about to become one of the evil corporations they claim to detest, as the Occupy Portland folks have already done.

And they’re royally hacked off at the vagrant homeless types trying to cadge free food from them. They’revgoing [sic] to feed them brown rice gruel this weekend instead of spaghetti bolognese to show them the depths of their compassion for the poor and downtrodden. No more soup for you!

So all of sudden that sharing the wealth business has lost its appeal. They’re tired of people freeloading off of them and taking advantage of them. To which we say, welcome to our world. Now you know why we have lost patience with all of liberalism and the entire welfare system.

So the OWSers want the greedy, evil corporations to share the wealth with them, but they don’t want to share their wealth with anybody, especially with the poor and needy flooding into their squatters’ camps. I’m sure Jesus would be happy to address the OWS crowd, and he’d probably begin his remarks with the scathing use of the word “hypocrites.”

Secondly, Jesus has no truck with those whose entire agenda is to flagrantly disobey two of the Ten Commandments of God.

God said, “Thou shalt not steal,” a commandment Jesus affirmed on numerous occasions. Stealing is wrong, and it doesn’t make it right when government does it under color of law.

But the OWS crowd wants to use the coercive power of government to take resources from some and involuntarily redistribute it to others. Namely, them. When government confiscates wealth by force from some citizens and transfers that wealth to others, that’s not welfare and it’s not compassion. It is nothing less than legalized plunder.

Jesus teaches the redistribution of wealth – as long as the transfer is voluntary. But he is adamantly opposed to the involuntary redistribution of wealth, because that violates the moral law of God and is profoundly wrong. His words to take care of the poor are not addressed to government, they are addressed to us.

And the OWS crowd is animated by a thoroughly ugly disregard for the 10th Commandment as well. God says, “Thou shalt not covet…any thing that is thy neighbor’s.” And yet the Occupiers are driven by a dark, bitter, resentful, angry and acquisitive greed for stuff that belongs to other people.

I submit that no political program that is predicated on a violation of twenty percent of God’s moral law can possibly be right, can possibly work, or can possibly be good for America.

Jesus took a whip to the thieves and the covetous in his day. If he were to come back and do the same thing today, he just might start in Zuccotti Park.

In other words, he might occupy Wall Street after all.

Dude. Naw.

There is so much failure in logic here. According to Fischer, the 99 percent who have had their livelihood and hope stolen from them by stock market gamblers and hedge fund con artists are actually attempting to steal from the one percent. I guess when the taxpayers bailed out the banks rather than suffer the economic apocalypse that Wall Street nearly caused, the taxpayers were simply doing their duty. But now that these taxpayers expect Wall Street to pay it forward (well, pay it backward, really), suddenly these taxpayers who make up ninety-nine percent of Americans are dirty no-good thieves.

Re-heally.

First, If Jesus “is adamantly opposed to the involuntary redistribution of wealth,” then I want my portion of the bailout money back.

Second, where in the Bible does Jesus talk about “voluntary redistribution of wealth”? I thought he was all about “Love thy neighbor,” and stuff.

Third, really? You think Jesus — the dude who was whipped and tortured worse than any man alive — would come back and start whipping occupiers in Zuccotti Park? When most of whom are there advocating for social and economic justice, and fairness?

I don’t know, about all of this, man. Your Jesus sounds like a dick.

And finally, how this man managed to write that “Occupiers are driven by a dark, bitter, resentful, angry and acquisitive greed for stuff that belongs to other people” without his pants immediately bursting into flames while, simultaneously, his nose shooting from his face, circumventing the globe, and then poking him in the back of the head is a fucking miracle.

Hey! Maybe God really does exist.

[Editor’s Note: Bryan Fischer’s twitter handle is @BryanJFischer: Why don’t you let him know what you think about his Jesus. #YourJesusSucks.]

[via Right Wing Watch]

[cross-posted at Angry Black Lady Chronicles]

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83 replies
  1. 1
    soonergrunt says:

    This is the same sorry motherfucker who said that the guys who’ve all recently been awarded the Medal of Honor didn’t deserve it because they didn’t kill enough Muslims.

  2. 2
    BGinCHI says:

    Anybody know if Bryan Fischer has stopped beating his wife yet?

  3. 3
    Tony J says:

    I don’t think Bryan has what it takes to be a ‘Fischer of Men’.

    That gets worse every time I look at it. I have shame.

  4. 4
    singfoom says:

    The deliberate obtuseness required to be able to reduce OWS’s message of “We want a level playing field” to “And yet the Occupiers are driven by a dark, bitter, resentful, angry and acquisitive greed for stuff that belongs to other people.” means that this cannot be a good faith effort.

    Failblog.

    But yeah, I’m sure buddy Jesus would be right there with Lloyd Blankfein, telling him, “Lloyd, thou art so godly, you do my father’s work”.

    ETA: I found the jesus this guy worships: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LRIypcaIX4

  5. 5
    trollhattan says:

    Whatever happened to “Render unto Ceasar” in this dude’s Bible. Redacted, perhaps?

    Also, too, TBogg and the commencement of granite countertopping on Scott Olson’s Marine ass.

    http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2.....untertops/

  6. 6
    Chukwu says:

    “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and unto God what is God’s.” Also, those covetous thieves that Jesus took a whip to? Moneylenders. Or, as we call them today, investment bankers. Christianity fail.

    ETA: Damnit, trollhattan beat me to Caesar. Still, this Fischer cat’s a tool.

  7. 7
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Moneychangers. Temple. Need I say more?

  8. 8
    andrewsomething says:

    The Southern Poverty Law Center has some nice quotes from him as part of their project tracking extremist movements.

    Here a sample:

    “Homosexuality gave us Adolph Hitler, and homosexuals in the military gave us the Brown Shirts, the Nazi war machine and six million dead Jews.”
    – Bryan Fischer Web post, “Homosexuality, Hitler, and ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,'” 2010

  9. 9
    BGinCHI says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: I think Fischer belongs to the Judean People’s Front.

    And you know what kind of splitters those bastards are.

  10. 10
    singfoom says:

    Wow, this guy is a serious asshole:

    My favorite tweet of his: Every rape assault in Oslo in last 5 years committed by a Muslim. Problem is getting worse. Multiculturalism, anyone? http://ow.ly/7bMQn

    This man is a Christian’s Christian.

  11. 11
    vtr says:

    Bryan Fischer has dedicated his life to creating atheists. But why on earth is an earnest, reputable news organization like CNN interviewing someone as irrelevant to OWS as Fischer? What does he know about it?

  12. 12
    gbear says:

    Too painful, couldn’t read.

    Just skimming it was mindboggling.

  13. 13

    @Chukwu:

    I’m sure the Conservative Bible says something entirely different…

  14. 14
    RSA says:

    Yeah, the guy who said, “If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.” would be right on board with the 1%ers.

  15. 15
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Fine, I will say more. Mote. Beam.

  16. 16
    Calouste says:

    OT:

    Problems for Bachmann (and by extension for the other grifters) as the marks are starting to realize they’re being conned:

    In Bachmann’s case, it is clear that the campaign has become less about reform and more about her personal effort to stay relevant and sell books; a harsh commentary, but true

    That was some Tea Party dude saying that.

  17. 17
    burritoboy says:

    Jesus (Luke 23:1-4) is FALSELY accused of being a tax resistor in an attempt to get Pilate to view Jesus as a member of the Zealots (who were, in fact, tax resistors).

    And the taxing authority of the time was the Roman Empire (and the Herodian kings subordinate to them). Neither regimes that needed or even sought the approval of the masses as to the amount or frequency of taxation.

  18. 18
    Michael says:

    Wonder if Jesus ever commented about people who claimed to read his mind? He did disapprove of lying I’m told. Also, guess he was cool with vet getting his skull cracked in Oakland.

  19. 19
    McWaffle says:

    And I wasn’t even a fan of the original Jesus.

  20. 20
    scav says:

    Funny how the traditional wholescale condemnation of usury dropped out of their religion (along with the ban on tasty shellfish) while the hatey smashy hurty people bits stay.

  21. 21
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    First thought that came to my mind as well.

    Jesus would forget that “turn the other cheek” stuff and beat the shit out of this asshole. Then he’d make the asshole eat the shit.

  22. 22
    Humanities Grad says:

    This is probably a stupid question, but why the hell was a CNN anchor asking Bryan Fischer’s opinion on Jesus and OWS in the first place?

    Given that his previous brain droppings are readily available on the SPLC website, it should be evident to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that this guy wades in a pretty deep cesspool. There are probably hundreds of thousands of Christian theologians in the country, and THIS GUY is CNN’s go-to authority? Why?

    Edit: I see vtr already beat me to the same question.

  23. 23
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    The New Testament? How does it work?

    Don’t ask a Mammon worshiping asshole like Bryan Fischer.

  24. 24
    Martin says:

    Oh, come on! If Jesus didn’t love some free-market, then why the fuck did he get fat and start climbing down chimneys to hand out Red Ryder BB guns and Bratz dolls on his birthday. Profit is all in the accessories and consumables. Everyone knows that. Give out the razor and sell the blades. That’s in fucking Corinthians! Nothing in the Bible about shitting on a cop car or using your head to interrupt the invisible hand guiding free-market smoke grenades to their supply-side chosen destination.

    If he walked among us today, he’d float up there to the top of 1 liberty plaza and totally piss pepper spray on those looters.

  25. 25
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    @singfoom:

    This man is a Christian’s Christian.

    Well, he’s certainly Anders Behring Breivik’s kind of Christian. Apparently all he lacks is the initiative, planning capability, and guts to follow through.

  26. 26
    Chukwu says:

    @Certified Mutant Enemy
    Conservapedia has nice little explanations of the conservative translations of the verse except for several of the verses more problematic for conservative dogma. It’s really quite interesting. Here’s a translation of half of Mark. The relevant verses are Mark 12:16-17, but the whole thing’s fascinating.

  27. 27
    Chris says:

    Jesus teaches the redistribution of wealth – as long as the transfer is voluntary. But he is adamantly opposed to the involuntary redistribution of wealth, because that violates the moral law of God and is profoundly wrong.

    I love how arbitrary their rules on “voluntary/involuntary” are.

    On the one hand, Jesus wanted you to help the poor, but it’s a crime against humanity if the government takes any step to help the poor, you can only do that voluntarily… ain’t that sweet?

    But when it comes to abortion or being gay, suddenly it becomes the government’s moral duty to enforce what Jesus would’ve wanted, and all that voluntary/involuntary shit goes right out the window.

  28. 28
    LesGS says:

    I think the “voluntary redistribution of wealth” talk comes from the story in Luke where Jesus says something like “If you have two coats and you see someone with none, give him one of yours.” And, yeah, I think the Jesus who said that would be with the OWS. He once went all Old Testament on some banksters, after all.

  29. 29
    neill says:

    I just wanna say that there have been several epochs in the history of christendom in which the Gospel of Love has been totally transformed into a Gospel of Hate. But it’s really cool to actually be living in one — and to have the education to be able to recognize it.

  30. 30
    Loneoak says:

    By the time you start speculating about how Jesus would react to current events you are already borderline insane regardless of the answer you give. It drives me nuts that ‘news’ anchors do this shit, even if it is to call evangelists on their own bullshit.

  31. 31
    Linus Bern says:

    “are driven by a dark, bitter, resentful, angry and acquisitive greed for stuff that belongs to other people.”

    These words so perfectly describe the hucksters and con artists that run Wall Street.

  32. 32
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @andrewsomething:

    Those pink triangle folks in the KZs? Don’t ask Fischer the fucktard any questions that involve a knowledge of actual history, please. He’s on a roll here!

  33. 33
    burritoboy says:

    Leviticus 25:35

    “And if thy brother be waxen poor, and fallen in decay with thee; then thou shalt relieve him: yea, even if he be a stranger, or a sojourner; that he may live with thee.”

    This is formed as a commandment, not a recommendation. Nor is it limited to your actual brother or neighbor, everybody (the stranger and sojourner) is also your brother.

    They’ve recently uncovered in Israel an ancient shard of pottery from the tenth century BCE which, in a primitive form of Hebrew, contains orders that the reader maintain the widowed, orphaned and sick. This shard is the earliest example of written Hebrew that is known to exist.

  34. 34
    Chris says:

    @Linus Bern:

    “are driven by a dark, bitter, resentful, angry and acquisitive greed for stuff that belongs to other people.”

    These words so perfectly describe the hucksters and con artists that run Wall Street.

    And once again, I’m so happy that these words don’t apply to the people going “fuck those government employees and union employees with better paid jobs than mine, and fuck those people receiving any of the welfare money that’s supposed to be saved for my Social Security and Medicare.”

    Nope, it’s only when the libs do it that it’s greedy.

  35. 35
    Paul in KY says:

    Just another example of the Big Lie.

  36. 36

    Oh, dear. So much failure. Where to start?

    God, by definition, does his own judging. He doesn’t need any whippersnappers judging for him.

    CNN is not a qualified spiritual advising institution.

    Bryan is just one more little stinking human being. I don’t think he is a qualified spiritual adviser either.

    How about a nice discussion of hubris?

  37. 37
    catclub says:

    @Calouste: “a harsh commentary, but true”

    Doug Piranha, “a cruel man, but fair. He did nail my head to a coffee table, but said I deserved it.”

  38. 38
    Culture of Truth says:

    Homosexuality gave us Adolph Hitler

    Do tell

  39. 39
    Martin says:

    @burritoboy:

    They’ve recently uncovered in Israel an ancient shard of pottery from the tenth century BCE which, in a primitive form of Hebrew, contains orders that the reader maintain the widowed, orphaned and sick. This shard is the earliest example of written Hebrew that is known to exist.

    First, that’s bullshit, because the earth isn’t that old.
    Second, we’ve been having to deal with hippies since the 8th day, ever since Eve started going Girls Gone Wild all over the place. So it’s not surprising that the Jews had to mace a few back in their day too.

  40. 40
    burnspbesq says:

    What abject silliness.

    Of course they are “squabbling” about what to do with the $500K in donations. There is no playbook for this kind of thing. They are making up as they go along. A certain amount of disputation is to be expected.

    And where else would you put $500K if not in a bank? The NYPD wouldn’t let OWS move a big enough mattress into Zucotti Park to hold it all.

    Jeez …

  41. 41
    Culture of Truth says:

    Jesus teaches the redistribution of wealth – as long as the transfer is voluntary. But he is adamantly opposed to the involuntary redistribution of wealth, because that violates the moral law of God and is profoundly wrong.

    Jesus took a whip to the thieves and the covetous in his day.

    Um, which is it then?

  42. 42
    Martin says:

    @Culture of Truth: The mere existence of Nazi gay porn confirms it, and he’s collected an overwhelming amount of evidence, almost an obsessive amount in fact.

  43. 43
    J (reader) says:

    God said, “Thou shalt not steal,” a commandment Jesus affirmed on numerous occasions. Stealing is wrong, and it doesn’t make it right when government does it under color of law.But the OWS crowd wants to use the coercive power of government to take resources from some and involuntarily redistribute it to others. Namely, them.

    Huh, I always thought the Bible said something about “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.” But according to this guy, it must have been “Render unto Caesar & his tax collector a can of whoop-ass when they invade thy abode to confiscate the fruits of your job creator-hood.”

  44. 44
    Chris says:

    @Linda Featheringill:

    God, by definition, does his own judging. He doesn’t need any whippersnappers judging for him.

    “But the prophet who shall presume to speak a word in my name which I have not commanded him to speak, even that Prophet shall surely die.”

    That verse should be plastered on the front doors of every evangelist the religious right’s ever produced.

    @Culture of Truth:

    Homosexuality gave us Adolph Hitler

    Only in the same sense that Judaism gave us Hitler, yes.

  45. 45
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    @burnspbesq: Dude, logic was your first mistake. If Jesus meant for them to have money, he would have made them banksters.

  46. 46
    burritoboy says:

    The prophet Amos condemns the kings and the elites of Israel, who have gobbled up the wealth of the land, straggled economic opportunity and burdened the poor with usury. The Lord, through Amos, says that the then king Jeroboam II’s punishment for this will be death by the sword.

  47. 47
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    @Culture of Truth: I thought it was art critics.

  48. 48
    Paul in KY says:

    @J (reader): That sentiment was what got the Jews kicked out of Judea in the 1st place. The Romans didn’t have much of a sense of humour about skimping on the taxes.

  49. 49
    RSA says:

    @Loneoak:

    By the time you start speculating about how Jesus would react to current events you are already borderline insane regardless of the answer you give.

    Like speculation about whether Jesus could have walked on water in the Gulf of Mexico without slipping on the oil?

  50. 50
    danimal says:

    “Occupiers are driven by a dark, bitter, resentful, angry and acquisitive greed for stuff that belongs to other people”

    Why is it that every EVERY time a conservative propagandist talks about what their political opponents want, they lie. (Lying, by the way, is a sin.) If these “Christians” had a shred of integrity, they would stop putting words in other people’s mouths. We don’t have to agree, but we should be able to make arguments based in truth. Fischer is not being truthful.

  51. 51
    singfoom says:

    At the same time, this is kind of a non-story. ‘Self-identified “Christian” twists the message of Christianity to his own ends, film at 11.’

    Too bad this story gets replayed on a daily fucking basis by the millions in this country. I wouldn’t have a beef with Christians in general if they’d actually act like their boy Jesus actually taught them to act in the bible.

  52. 52
    Roger Moore says:

    @Chukwu:

    The relevant verses are Mark 12:16-17, but the whole thing’s fascinating.

    I’m amused by their decision to translate “denarius” as “shilling” rather than “penny”. For those who don’t know, the English traditionally talked about money as “L. s. d.” for pounds, shillings, and pence. Those terms are from Latin, where L. is for librum, s. is for solidus, and d. is for denarius. I suspect this is a fair representation of their translation skills, i.e. they’re adding negative value, even for items they’re not deliberately twisting politically.

  53. 53
    Redshift says:

    @burnspbesq:

    And where else would you put $500K if not in a bank? The NYPD wouldn’t let OWS move a big enough mattress into Zucotti Park to hold it all.

    I find it fascinating when someone like Fischer builds up a straw man about what his opponents supposedly fervently believe (like hating all banks and capitalism), and then, when they do something that makes no sense in that context, triumphantly expects us to believe that they’re hypocrites rather than that he’s a lying sonofabitch.

  54. 54
    fasteddie9318 says:

    @burritoboy:

    The prophet Amos condemns the kings and the elites of Israel, who have gobbled up the wealth of the land, straggled economic opportunity and burdened the poor with usury. The Lord, through Amos, says that the then king Jeroboam II’s punishment for this will be death by the sword.

    True Christians(R) don’t know who the fuck Amos is. They’ve heard of the Parable of the Talents, because some buddy of theirs heard it described once by another buddy of his who went to Bible Camp for Assholes(R), and they think it means that Yahweh loves rich bankers. That and queer-hating is pretty much the limit of their understanding of the Bible.

  55. 55
    burritoboy says:

    “But according to this guy, it must have been “Render unto Caesar & his tax collector a can of whoop-ass when they invade thy abode to confiscate the fruits of your job creator-hood.” ”

    St. Matthew was, of course, a tax collector.

    “Amen, amen, I say to you, tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the Kingdom of God before you.” (Matt 21:23)

  56. 56
    Redshift says:

    @danimal:

    Why is it that every EVERY time a conservative propagandist talks about what their political opponents want, they lie.

    Because if they didn’t, they’d lose. The converse is that if you have to lie to get people to support your position, then your position doesn’t really have any support.

  57. 57

    i wonder if guys like this realize what hypocritical liars they are, or if they are just that completely deluded. no one could be expected to believe one single word of this nonsense, right? its just so transparently false and contradictory to everything that people know about jesus (even if you dont believe in his story, pretty much everyone in this country has at least a basic knowledge of jesus and know that his message wasnt ‘give it to the poor in the butt’). its so illogical that it breaks through to anti-logic, i mean, do the orc minions of the right wing hear this and agree? they couldnt possibly, right? i understand that they are jujitsu masters of doublethink, but there are limits, no?

  58. 58
    Rick Massimo says:

    Jesus teaches the redistribution of wealth – as long as the transfer is voluntary. But he is adamantly opposed to the involuntary redistribution of wealth, because that violates the moral law of God and is profoundly wrong. His words to take care of the poor are not addressed to government, they are addressed to us.

    Biblical citation?

    Nope.

    Lying.

  59. 59
    Redshift says:

    @burritoboy: “Thou shalt” must mean it’s totally voluntary, right? I bet the conservative version “translates” it that way at least half the time.

  60. 60
    efgoldman says:

    @Martin:
    Man, you are en fuego today!
    Somebody spike your Ovaltine?

  61. 61
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    @Redshift:

    “Thou shalt” must mean it’s totally voluntary, right? I bet the conservative version “translates” it that way at least half the time.

    And the other half of the time, it actually means “thou shalt not,” based on a super-secret diacritical mark over the Hebrew Greek Latin Wingding letters only they can read.

  62. 62
    Tony J says:

    @Humanities Grad:

    There are probably hundreds of thousands of Christian theologians in the country, and THIS GUY is CNN’s go-to authority? Why?

    For the same reason they hired Erika Eriksen (or whatever his Strike Force codename is these days).

    When the Party you’re contracted to provide support for goes bug-fricking crazy, rips off its clothes, buggers the tiger-skin rug, then chucks Grandpa’s piano through the Overton Window and runs howling across the moon dappled grounds, you find there’s a pressing need to present as sane, moderate and informed the opinions of the even more bug-frick insane.

    Balance must be maintained, lest hence dizzyness ensueth.

  63. 63
    karen marie says:

    @Humanities Grad: I’m not sure that Bryan Fischer was on CNN earlier this week. From the little poking around I’ve done, it appears that Fischer decided he was the guy to answer the question about WWJD asked by someone at CNN earlier this week.

  64. 64
    Chris says:

    @Redshift:

    Why is it that every EVERY time a conservative propagandist talks about what their political opponents want, they lie.

    Because if they didn’t, they’d lose.

    Duh.

    See also Barry Goldwater, 1964, the last time a Republican candidate ran honestly on the issues, and got the living shit kicked out of him by the voters. Not the kind of trauma they’d want to relive.

    Although it’s pretty funny to imagine a world in which these jokers were sentenced to telling nothing but the truth a la “Liar, Liar.”

  65. 65
    Suffern ACE says:

    @burnspbesq: Yes. But being human, which squabbling over what to do with donations indicates, is exactly what we should condem them for. Jesus only wanted superhumans. Didn’t feel any other sort were worth the time.

    It’s like the fact that they “eat.” I mean if they were really sincere, the protestors wouldn’t do that.

  66. 66
    Chris says:

    @johnsmith1882:

    i wonder if guys like this realize what hypocritical liars they are, or if they are just that completely deluded.

    I think they’re so drunk on their own power they don’t care anymore. When you’ve got that many people in the pews cheering for your bastardized “gospel,” it’s easy to fall for your own con.

  67. 67
    fasteddie9318 says:

    Since FYWP ate it the first time:

    @burritoboy:

    The prophet Amos condemns the kings and the elites of Israel, who have gobbled up the wealth of the land, straggled economic opportunity and burdened the poor with usury. The Lord, through Amos, says that the then king Jeroboam II’s punishment for this will be death by the sword.

    True Christians® don’t have any idea who Amos is. They’ve heard of the Parable of the Talents, because some buddy of theirs heard it described once by another buddy of his who went to Bible Camp for Assholes®, and they think it means that Yahweh loves rich bankers. That and gay-hating is pretty much the limit of their understanding of the Bible.

  68. 68
    Martin says:

    @efgoldman: The tsunami of work has washed over me as of 2AM, the sea is receding currently and I am euphoric and pretending the next wave isn’t soon about to strike.

  69. 69
    Arclite says:

    Cuz Jesus is down with macing jobless protesters. Turn the other cheek, indeed.

    Jesus teaches the redistribution of wealth – as long as the transfer is voluntary.

    Hey, you’re voluntarily a member of this country, a prerequisite of such is that you pay your taxes, which may be redistributed to help the poor, the jobless, the downtrodden, the indigent. If you don’t like it, move to Somalia. You don’t have to pay any taxes there. But if you appreciate the safety and comfort those taxes provide, you can’t have the milk for free. You have to pay your share of the cow.

  70. 70
    Calouste says:

    @danimal:

    (Lying, by the way, is a sin.)

    Tsk, bearing false witness against thy neighbor is a violation of the 8th Commandment. You’re not insinuating that Bryan Fisher lives next door to some DFH OWS participants? So he can say whatever he wants about them. Lying is not one of the Seven Deadly Sins, just as Honesty is not one of the Virtues.

  71. 71
    Petorado says:

    How the hell is Satan supposed to compete with guys like Fischer? Next thing, they’ll be saying Jesus was for capital punishment too because he tried it himself and three days later he was good as new.

  72. 72
    ItinerantPedant says:

    ABL and others. You should really check out this link: http://scalzi.com/whatever/003530.html (can’t embed the link from my phone, sorry). The most pertinant quote:

    But this implicitly asks a question: What would the Jesus I know do, confronted by this Fetish Jesus? Would he fight him? Argue with him? Denounce him? Engage in a mystical battle of miracles?
    The answer is: None of the above, of course. The Jesus I know would do the hardest thing imaginable: He would forgive.

    It’s quite the post.

  73. 73
    Ivan Ivanovich Renko says:

    @ItinerantPedant: Thanks for that.

  74. 74

    Your Jesus sounds like a dick.

    His Jesus, Supply Side Jesus, is a dick.

    I think it’s time for me to run my Supply Side Jesus Sermon on the Mount again:

    Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, “Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the… world: For I was an hungred, and ye stole the few crumbs I had; I was thirsty, and ye told Me to get a job and whined that the Kochs’ taxes are too high; I was a stranger, and ye told Me ye don’t serve My kind here and then called the I.N.S.; naked, and ye had Me arrested for indecent exposure; I was sick, and ye told Me I should die for lack of insurance; I was in prison, and ye cheered to have Rick Perry Me put to death.” Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, “Lord, when did we see You hungry and take Your last few crumbs, or thirsty and tell You to get a job? When did we see You a stranger and turn You into the I.N.S., or naked and have You arrested, Or when did we see You sick and mock You, or in prison, and cheer Your execution?” And the King will answer and say to them, “Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, those scumbags deserved it.”

    Then He will also say to those on His left, “Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; For I was an hungred, and ye gave Me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave Me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took Me in: naked, and ye clothed Me: I was sick, and ye visited Me: I was in prison, and ye came unto Me.” “Then the unrighteous will answer Him, saying, “Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?” And the King will answer and say to them, “Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you rewarded lazy deadbeats who deserve only hatred and scorn and a kick in the head.

  75. 75

    There’s something missing in this thread, though I can’t quite nail it down. Oh, oh, I have it:

    Damn, ABL, why do you hate white people? Why do you have to bring race into this? Nobody’s racist any more, at least nobody but upitty-ups like you who hate wite people!

    There, that’s better. Now it seems more like one of your posts.

    Where are these guys today?

    Ah, and, @johnsmith1882, for your edification

  76. 76
    Julia Grey says:

    God said, “Thou shalt not steal,” a commandment Jesus affirmed on numerous occasions.

    Ummm….cites for these “numerous affirmations”?

    This Fischer screed kinda reminds me of the evolutionary psychology “just so” stories which are also enjoying a current vogue. Have a point you want to make: Your Group Should Be On Top, Naturally! Then take your favorite theory and paaaaat it, and rollllllll it, and mark it with a B, and put it in the oven for baby and me….er…well, you get my point.

    Fischer has to squeeze and knead Jesus pretty hard to make him fit in these muffin cups.

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    Roy G says:

    Why do fundies love Jesus and unborn babies so much?

    Because they aren’t here to speak for themselves.

  78. 78
    Julia Grey says:

    Oh, and as long as we’re doing CITES, let’s run the story one Jesus himself told, about poor ragged Lazarus begging for crumbs by the rich man’s gate and how the rich man got his comeuppance IN HELL.

    Kicker?

    In Hades, where he was being tormented, he looked up and saw Abraham far away with Lazarus by his side. He called out, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames.’

    But Abraham said, ‘Child, remember that during your lifetime you received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in agony. Besides all this, between you and us a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who might want to pass from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us.’

    He said, ‘Then, father, I beg you to send him to my father’s house—for I have five brothers—that he may warn them, so that they will not also come into this place of torment.’ Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the prophets; they should listen to them.’

    He said, ‘No, father Abraham; but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent.’ He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’

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    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Julia Grey:

    “Dip Your Finger in the Water”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt38ZB6zDGw

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T1bksHqhDY

    (I wish YouTube had the Josh White version; it’s the best!)

  80. 80
    West of the Cascades says:

    I wonder how this scuzzbucket would deal with this passage from the Book of Acts (4:32-35, 5:1-6), which sounds mightily like involuntarily redistribution of wealth (at least among Jesus’s followers) at the risk of a sub-optimal outcome for failing to share all you have:

    The Believers Share Their Possessions

    All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus.

    And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.

    Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property. With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.

    Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”

    When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened.

  81. 81
    West of the Cascades says:

    @Julia Grey: Jesus referred to the commandment “thou shalt not steal” exactly once — reported in the same story in each of the first three Gospels — and, ironically, it sets up the central message that this creep Fischer doesn’t get, and illustrates how misguided his theology really is — example from Mark 10:17-23:

    17 As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

    18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. 19 You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’[d]”

    20 “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.”

    21 Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

    22 At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

    23 Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!”

  82. 82
    Mark S. says:

    Stealing is wrong, and it doesn’t make it right when government does it under color of law.

    How about killing? When the government sends you off to war, isn’t that killing “under color of law”? But I’m pretty damn sure Fischer has been in favor of every war waged by a Republican president. I’m also willing to bet he’s in love with the death penalty.

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