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You are here: Home / Pet Blogging / Cat Blogging / A Hoax Has Been Perpetrated

A Hoax Has Been Perpetrated

by John Cole|  October 5, 201112:22 am| 86 Comments

This post is in: Cat Blogging

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I know I like to pretend that Tunch is some mean, bossy, wild, crazy overlord, but he’s just too sweet to even pretend anymore:

And now I go in for the belly rub, and look what he does:

He was actually being so cute I broke out the Tunch Cam, which has been dormant since we took away his futon a year and a half ago. Check out this purring action:

That’s the machine gun like purring that puts me to sleep every night as he crashes right next to my pillow. I swear you can hear it from another room.

A hoax has been perpetrated. Tunch is as big a softie as his owner.

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Reader Interactions

86Comments

  1. 1.

    Martin

    October 5, 2011 at 12:25 am

    That’s the machine gun like purring that puts me to sleep every night as he crashes right next to my pillow.

    He’s acclimating you to the sound so that when he starts to consume your nutrient rich organs you’ll remain asleep.

  2. 2.

    Corner Stone

    October 5, 2011 at 12:26 am

    Tunch is as big a softie as his owner.

    I thought we weren’t making fat jokes any more.

  3. 3.

    Alison

    October 5, 2011 at 12:27 am

    OMG TUNCH VIDEOS.

    Cole ’16.

  4. 4.

    Bnut

    October 5, 2011 at 12:27 am

    This has the chance to be the most commented on post in Bj history. It’s like a video of Dubya throwing up a black power fist.

  5. 5.

    Yutsano

    October 5, 2011 at 12:28 am

    @Bnut: Half will be from wifey. She’s already been alerted.

  6. 6.

    Violet

    October 5, 2011 at 12:29 am

    I see Tunch has taken over the keyboard again. You know this kind of propaganda doesn’t work on us.

  7. 7.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 12:29 am

    :Deep breath: TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCHIE! Thank you thank you thank you, Cole! And, I knew Tunchie was a softie, just like you!

  8. 8.

    suzanne

    October 5, 2011 at 12:31 am

    Oh my good Lord. That cat is just the absolute greatest.

    I don’t do this often, but…

    Squee.

  9. 9.

    Raythe

    October 5, 2011 at 12:31 am

    Why do I have this crazy feeling that we’re going to find out tomorrow that John Cole has been killed and half-eaten? Tunch will be suspected, but then these pictures and videos will be introduced as evidence that the cat is innocent. INNOCENT I TELL YOU!

    Ahem.

    Know that you heard it here first.

  10. 10.

    Bnut

    October 5, 2011 at 12:32 am

    @Yutsano: Tunch purring?

  11. 11.

    licensed to kill time

    October 5, 2011 at 12:34 am

    Tunch makes that sound like when you clothes-pinned a playing card to your bike spokes and took off peddling like mad.

    Go Tunch!

  12. 12.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 12:35 am

    @Bnut: Hey, man. How the hell are you. Excuse me.

    TUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!

    @Yutsano: Thanks for letting me know, hon. I owe you big!

    ETA: I bookmarked this page!

  13. 13.

    Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal

    October 5, 2011 at 12:36 am

    @Corner Stone:

    i missed fat jokes?

    damn you twitter!

    in hopefully unrelated news, i think our host has buried the lede, john cole sounds as if he got laid.

  14. 14.

    SiubhanDuinne

    October 5, 2011 at 12:37 am

    OH OH OH OH OH OH OHHHHHHHH I AM SO HAPPY!

    Thank you, John Cole. Tunch has awesome purr. And is so beautiful and, you know, “fluffy.”

    Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

    Oh, and SQUEEEEE.

  15. 15.

    Hunter Gathers

    October 5, 2011 at 12:37 am

    You do know that he’s going to shit on your floor now, don’t you? If you ever point out that your male cat has been behaving lately, he will turn around and misbehave while you are sleeping, just to prove you wrong. Every time that I mention that my wife’s asshole cat Rando has started to chill out in his old age, by the next day he has shit on the kitchen floor, terrorized the other 2 cats and harassed the dog before breakfast. There are very few constants in this universe, but one of them is that all male cats are fucking demonic assholes.

  16. 16.

    eemom

    October 5, 2011 at 12:38 am

    Want. That. Kitty.

    AND, I am so allergic the asthma attack would probly kill me.

  17. 17.

    SiubhanDuinne

    October 5, 2011 at 12:39 am

    I’ve played the purr videos like five times each.

  18. 18.

    handy

    October 5, 2011 at 12:41 am

    Hah, related video after the first Tunch cam has Cole asking Rosie if she wants to go for a walk.

  19. 19.

    Redshift

    October 5, 2011 at 12:42 am

    All hail Tunch!

  20. 20.

    Cap'n Magic

    October 5, 2011 at 12:43 am

    You do realize there is a small likelihood that you have been infected with toxoplasmosis, which would explain your placid behavior twords Tunch, which will explain your eventual disembowlment at his paws. Film at 11.

  21. 21.

    NobodySpecial

    October 5, 2011 at 12:43 am

    That’s the machine gun like purring that puts me to sleep every night as he crashes right next to my pillow.

    I now want to start a collection to get Cole a waterbed. Because Newton’s Third Law could be really funny in action.

  22. 22.

    Bnut

    October 5, 2011 at 12:43 am

    @asiangrrlMN: Pretty decent. My sister and I are going through the last stages of permitting to open our food truck in Nashville. Also managing a cafe/coffee house in trade for marketing help and commissary space. Life is interesting. How are YOU!?

  23. 23.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 12:44 am

    @handy: I just watched it. Cole sounds EXACTLY as he does in my head. WTF?

    @Bnut: So fucking cool that is! Eh. I’m…working on shit that needs improving. How’s that for a nice, vague answer?!?

    @NobodySpecial: I’m in for a few ducats.

  24. 24.

    SiubhanDuinne

    October 5, 2011 at 12:44 am

    By the way, you guys, we have another tiny piece of the “what does John Cole look like?” puzzle. I call your attention to the second purr video where there’s a hand SCRITCHING TUUUUUNCHIE.

  25. 25.

    beabea

    October 5, 2011 at 12:45 am

    Okay, that’s my new ring tone right there.

    Thank you for pics and return of Tunch Cam. I love Tunch!

  26. 26.

    Spaghetti Lee

    October 5, 2011 at 12:46 am

    D’awwwww. I miss my kitties while I’m away at college, so I appreciate stuff like this.

  27. 27.

    Steeplejack

    October 5, 2011 at 12:47 am

    I’m glad I stayed up late to catch this. Tunch’s purr should be looped on a white-noise machine.

  28. 28.

    Bnut

    October 5, 2011 at 12:51 am

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I’m…working on shit that needs improving.

    Aren’t we all?

  29. 29.

    MariedeGournay

    October 5, 2011 at 12:51 am

    D’awwww. Cute.

  30. 30.

    Comrade Mary

    October 5, 2011 at 12:54 am

    Awwwww. Thanks, John. Such an abundance of Tunchitude after a long absence is greatly appreciated.

  31. 31.

    Djur

    October 5, 2011 at 12:58 am

    @Hunter Gathers: Really? In my experience, boy cats are much sweeter and calmer than girl cats. I mean, if they’re neutered, which of course they are, right?

    Also, my big gay cat was looking at the screen very carefully when I played that video. I think he’s in love. <3

  32. 32.

    Martin

    October 5, 2011 at 12:58 am

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Cole sounds EXACTLY as he does in my head. WTF?

    Yeah, we didn’t have the heart to tell you, but Cole isn’t real. He’s your conscience. Naked mopping and all. Sorry.

  33. 33.

    Comrade Mary

    October 5, 2011 at 1:02 am

    John has said before that he looks like Philip Seymour Hoffman, but that Rosie video suggests he sounds a little like Hoffman, too.

    That is, he doesn’t sound at all like his written voice: his spoken voice is much more mellow and less caustic, although the sweet and mellow often comes out when he writes about his critters.

    (And yes, I may have made this point before. I like John’s voice. Deal.)

  34. 34.

    Martin

    October 5, 2011 at 1:02 am

    @Bnut: Cool! Good luck with the new endeavor. Every Friday at lunch my favorite truck sets up across the street from my house – Korean fusion tacos.

    Korean short rib tacos are to fucking die for.

  35. 35.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 1:04 am

    @Bnut: Well, I would hazard that most Republicans aren’t.

    @Martin: No. If Cole is the voice of conscience in my head, then that would mean I created him. And, if I created him, then he would sound like this.

  36. 36.

    jurassicpork

    October 5, 2011 at 1:07 am

    My Popeye has his moments, especially when he jumps on my chest while I’m just laying down. But, being a Tom, he’s too macho for overt purring and you have to put your ear against him to hear it. He has a rep to protect, after all.

  37. 37.

    Genine

    October 5, 2011 at 1:09 am

    From the way back machine….

    early pics of his Tunchness!

    https://www.balloon-juice.com/2003/05/11/cat-blogging/

  38. 38.

    CaseyL

    October 5, 2011 at 1:09 am

    Awwwww! Cole Critter Cinema!!

    I sure hope Rosie got her walk and that you weren’t just taunting her in that video. “Wanna go for a walk?… Wanna go outside?… Well, too bad: I want to watch football.”

    And I didn’t think our host sounded anything like what he sounds like. He’s worked so hard to come across as The Compleat Curmudgeon that I imagined his voice would be an irritated tenor. Glad to hear how wrong I was!

  39. 39.

    handy

    October 5, 2011 at 1:13 am

    He sounded a little congested if you ask me.

  40. 40.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 1:14 am

    @Genine: Oh! Little Tunchie. Sooo adorable, and his friend, Oliver, too.

    @handy: Well, yes, but that’s how he sounds in my head.

    @Bnut: WANT!

  41. 41.

    Bnut

    October 5, 2011 at 1:14 am

    @Martin: Wait till you taste my tomato basil soup with a grilled skewer of sourdough garlic brie.

  42. 42.

    handy

    October 5, 2011 at 1:15 am

    @Genine:

    Tunch has, shall we say, gotten a little “healthier” over the years. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  43. 43.

    Violet

    October 5, 2011 at 1:19 am

    @Genine: Those are great pictures. Whatever happened to Oliver?

    And John’s comment in that thread:

    John Cole – May 16, 2003 | 10:40 pm · Link
    __
    I just love all animals. Cats, dogs, cows, horses, etc. I would have a recue greyhound and a Jack Russell terrier right now if my apt. was not so small. Next year, maybe.

    LOL. Took a few years, but John got part of that wish with Rosie.

  44. 44.

    suzanne

    October 5, 2011 at 1:19 am

    I was reflecting today how different Luna (pit bull/lab mix) is from a year ago when she was a puppy. Much stronger, much clumsier, but calmer. No longer gets freaked out and licks my ears when my husband and I enjoy some, uh, quality time.

    Pets are wonderful.

    If Tunch needs a home, I have a kitten he could ear. She’s obnoxious.

  45. 45.

    Mnemosyne

    October 5, 2011 at 1:28 am

    I am now being herded off to bed by Keaton. He is literally getting under my legs and trying to push me into the bedroom where G. is.

    I didn’t think there was such a thing as a Maine Coon/Border Collie mix, but I guess I was wrong.

  46. 46.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 1:30 am

    @Violet: The last time someone dug out the old pics of Tunch, Cole posted this. So, Oliver, poor baby, is no longer with us.

    @Mnemosyne: That’s funny as hell. Your Keaton is such a sweetie and a cutie.

  47. 47.

    Kristine

    October 5, 2011 at 1:40 am

    @asiangrrlMN: I think I need to see that movie.

  48. 48.

    Djur

    October 5, 2011 at 1:43 am

    @handy: Tunch has just expanded into a regal bulk, like his role model Henry VIII.

  49. 49.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 1:44 am

    @Kristine: YES. ALAN RICKMAN is (the Voice of) God!

  50. 50.

    handy

    October 5, 2011 at 1:45 am

    @Djur:

    This goes out to all the Tunches of the world (and their masters)

  51. 51.

    Jebediah

    October 5, 2011 at 1:46 am

    @Comrade Mary:
    It’s strange how images form in our heads… when I picture Cole, I see sort of a cross between a younger, non-substance-damaged Hunter S Thompson and Jeff Tweedy. As for voice, I hear Billy Bragg without the accent. Gotta go listen to the other video and see how off I was…

    ETA: Voice-wise, I was pretty far off….

  52. 52.

    Jebediah

    October 5, 2011 at 1:50 am

    As for falling asleep to the purring, my wife and I listen to our old Otto’s heavy sleep breathing. Loud as fuck, but after all these years with him we both find it very soothing and comforting.

  53. 53.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 1:52 am

    @Jebediah: Well, he, himself, has said he resembles Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

  54. 54.

    Yutsano

    October 5, 2011 at 1:53 am

    @Bnut:

    Wait till you taste my tomato basil soup with a grilled skewer of sourdough garlic brie.

    You deliver cross-country right? :)

  55. 55.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 1:56 am

    @Yutsano: Where you been? Talking to one of your (other)Dawgs?

  56. 56.

    Short Bus Bully

    October 5, 2011 at 1:58 am

    Tunch pics AND video? What did we ever do to deserve such blessings from our bloglord? Truly a memorable tuesday!

  57. 57.

    PeakVT

    October 5, 2011 at 2:02 am

    I think the hoax is that this post isn’t about a Republican presidential candidate (or non-candidate, as the case may be).

  58. 58.

    Ann Marie

    October 5, 2011 at 2:09 am

    I love seeing pictures and video of Tunch (and the girls too, of course). My Mac does the same thing — gets right up within a couple of inches of my face, on the pillow, and purrs loudly. He also snores, but the purring is sweeter!

  59. 59.

    Yutsano

    October 5, 2011 at 2:11 am

    @asiangrrlMN: Old college friend on Book of Faces. He made me feel old. His youngest brother is in college now, and when I last saw him he was a kid!

    (The youngest brother is openly gay too. If he looks anything like his older brother WOOF!!)

  60. 60.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 2:22 am

    @Yutsano: I see not it’s not only Her Eminence who is in heat!

  61. 61.

    Martin

    October 5, 2011 at 2:26 am

    @Bnut: Om nom nom nom! Brie in Tennessee? You sure there’s no law against that?

  62. 62.

    Jebediah

    October 5, 2011 at 2:30 am

    @asiangrrlMN:
    That must have been before I showed up, so I was left to my own devices to form a mental picture. At first I thought he must look like the guy on the Brawny paper towels, and sound like Major Monogram, but then I didn’t.

  63. 63.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 2:36 am

    @Jebediah: I don’t even know who Major Monogram is, but that last bit has me rolling.

  64. 64.

    ruemara

    October 5, 2011 at 2:38 am

    Kagebasho has decided he belongs on the bed, so I get the loudest purring ever at 1 am, because he wants to sit on my head. Or my chest. or tummy. Then at 4am it’s run over the human time. Maybe I should take him and we can have dueling purr offs.

  65. 65.

    Yutsano

    October 5, 2011 at 2:40 am

    @asiangrrlMN: Major Monogram. We must indoctrinate you into the Ferbiliciousness.

  66. 66.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 2:43 am

    @ruemara: Awwwwww, cuuuuuute! He’s the little love bug you got through here, yes?

    @Yutsano: Snicker snort.

  67. 67.

    Mino

    October 5, 2011 at 3:03 am

    Honestly, those are some of the best photos you’ve posted of Tunch. And on his side, he’s even proportional, heh, heh.

  68. 68.

    Jebediah

    October 5, 2011 at 3:09 am

    @asiangrrlMN:
    Thanks – Major Monogram works for the secret, all-animal-agent spy agency on “Phineas and Ferb,” a cartoon that I love despite it being on the Disney channel.
    And I love it even when I am sober, so there’s that.

  69. 69.

    Jebediah

    October 5, 2011 at 3:11 am

    @Yutsano:
    Perfect clip! I am at work and have to perform work-related activities, so thanks for picking up my slack…

  70. 70.

    WereBear

    October 5, 2011 at 6:13 am

    Had to come by and say TUUUUNCHIE!

    RJ is our massive purrer; he gets between us and trills while taking turns kneading our backs. It’s worth turning over.

  71. 71.

    Darkrose

    October 5, 2011 at 6:49 am

    *bows before the All-Seeing, All-Knowing, Truly Adorable Feline Overlord*

    I’m sitting here with Alistair trying to climb up on my rack. He doesn’t get that he’s no longer the kitten I could hold in one hand, and while my boobshelf is substantial, it’s not big enough to hold him anymore. So instead, he has to curl up next to me and do upside-down kitty head. And purr. Loudly.

    “See? I’m cute! I’m so cute that you won’t kill me when I bang incessantly on the closet door at 7 am!”

  72. 72.

    YellowJournalism

    October 5, 2011 at 7:58 am

    TUNCH!

    And if we’re comparing Cole to Major Monogram, then I directed my fellow Ferbheads to the episode where the boys made a machine that split things into the two basic elements of what they are. Monogram got split into himself and a singing, blonde-haired diva version, who may in fact resemble our dear John Cole.

    (I’m such a geek.)

  73. 73.

    Silver Wolf

    October 5, 2011 at 8:19 am

    “Beware of people who dislike cats.”– Irish proverb

  74. 74.

    A Humble Lurker

    October 5, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Awwwwwww. I love when cats do that thing where they pull up their forepaws and almost close their eyes. That is major cute.

  75. 75.

    gogol's wife

    October 5, 2011 at 9:13 am

    So great to see this first thing in the morning. I love Tunch so much.

  76. 76.

    gaz

    October 5, 2011 at 9:24 am

    i like the related utubez vid where tunch is cleaning himself to bootsy collins (well IIRC it’s bootsy) but it’s certainly tunch.

    Does it bother anyone other than me that tunch cannot properly reach most of himself in order to groom?

    It’s funny and cute. But vaguely sad.

  77. 77.

    RP

    October 5, 2011 at 9:30 am

    Isn’t Tunch Public Enemy #1 for the occupy wall street folks?

  78. 78.

    Svensker

    October 5, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Tunch is a nice kittie.

    I mostly just stopped in to see if asiangrrrl lived through this post or straight died and went to heaven. :)

  79. 79.

    Paul in KY

    October 5, 2011 at 10:32 am

    @Hunter Gathers: Cut their nuts off. It slows them down.

  80. 80.

    IrishGirl

    October 5, 2011 at 10:56 am

    No, no you’re just being lulled into false sense of safety. My cats do it too but I never let my guard down. They’re crafty little buggers.

  81. 81.

    Trinity

    October 5, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    I am late to the party but…YAY!!

    TunchCam FTW

  82. 82.

    asiangrrlMN

    October 5, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    @Svensker: The latter. ::swooooooon::

  83. 83.

    angela

    October 5, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Heh. He even purrs like a fatty! :)

  84. 84.

    libarbarian

    October 5, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    TUNCH FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012.

  85. 85.

    Dave

    October 5, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Cole, you really … REALLY need a girlfriend.

  86. 86.

    maria

    October 14, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Too damn cute for words. I have a 20 year old named Teddi who purrs pretty loud also. Love it.

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