Things that make Grammy laugh and laugh

The following are the results of Hot Air’s Monthly Presidential Candidate Poll Results. If you want to sully your computer with the detailed “polling results”, then you can go over here, but frankly one of us giving them hits is probably more than enough. I spent thirty seconds looking at their front page and feel more soiled than the time Andy secretly filmed me doing a wee on Joe Dellasandro.

Anyhow, just in case you were wondering who the cream of wingnuttery* wants to be President this month, the winner, in an almost unprecedented (well, since two months ago) breakaway surge to the front, is – Herman Cain.

Yes, Rick Perry is dead and the new king of the dribble-stained is Herman Fucking Cain. Cain’s only real challenger (for the next ten minutes, until most of them change their mind again) is Sarah Palin, followed far behind by the sad assortment of boobs and god-botherers and was-popular-a-month-agos who make up the remainder of the pack. Interestingly Palin is the only one on the chart who shows any form of consistency, hanging around the magic 30% mark, which just goes to show that once you have managed to tear an acne-riddled virgin away from his semen-stained copy of The Fountainhead, and convinced him to vote for the pretty one with the sparkles, he can be remarkably loyal as long as he believes that there is the smallest possibility that he might get to see those sparkles up close and in person.

I also love this chart:

which appears to show that among the polling group, who have in the last year had Chris Christie, Rick Perry, Palin, Michelle Bachmann and Cain (twice!) in their top two front runners, whose poll results have gone up and down like Rick Perry eating a weiner-on-a-stick while riding on a roundabout, 60% are “very committed” to their chosen candidate (just like last month when 70% of them were “very committed”), which either means that the other 30-40% of them are changing their votes almost every month or they are all fucking stupid.

I realize that doesn’t need to be an either/or sentence, but I like the way it scans.

* “cream” in the sense that it’s thick, unctuous and if you leave it on its own for three weeks in a basement it begins to smell like old feet and socks that have been used for purposes that god did not intend.

45 replies
  1. 1
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    This post is full of win and awesome. Sarah, you have more than redeemed yourself for your little “moment” yesterday.

  2. 2
    jrg says:

    If we don’t see the Bradley effect in a GOP primary, it does not exist at all.

  3. 3
  4. 4
    harlana says:

    feel more soiled than the time Andy secretly filmed me doing a wee on Joe Dellasandro….once you have managed to tear an acne-riddled virgin away from his semen-stained copy of The Fountainhead . . . * “cream” in the sense that it’s thick, unctuous and if you leave it on its own for three weeks in a basement it begins to smell like old feet and socks that have been used for purposes that god did not intend.

    awesome! you’ve got your groove on this a.m.

  5. 5
    me says:

    Looks like the Malkinati aren’t fans of Christie either. I think he’ll see what happened to Perry and stay the fuck out. They also havn’t realized that Palin wasn’t ever going to run. She’s just going to grift for as long as she can.

  6. 6
    beltane says:

    I saw my first Herman Cain sticker last weekend. It was on a big, black Ford F-150 in Bridgport, Maine. The print on the sticker was tiny, I had to walk right up to the truck to decipher it. It look like a teabagger sticker so I was curious as to the message.

  7. 7
    Guster says:

    @me: I bet she’ll ‘maverick,’ as she’d say.

    Join the race for twenty minutes, then drop out because she’s goin rogue.

  8. 8
    A Mom Anon says:

    I’m 51 and I don’t ever remember this much chaos in either party in picking a nominee. I know the process started way early(which probably doesn’t help the situation),but has there ever been a situation like this before?

    I’m not sure whether to laugh my ass off or be scared shitless by this mess.

  9. 9
    MattF says:

    Actually, I find HermanFuckingCain to be smarter and more amusing than the rest of them. Crazed, yes… but there’s a glimmer of self-awareness.

  10. 10
    Sarah Proud and Tall says:


    I don’t disagree. Out of all of them, he’s the only one you would buy a beer. Nevertheless, I suspect he will be last month’s flavor by next month.

  11. 11
    gaz says:

    I was going to eat something until I read that cream remark.

  12. 12
    harlana says:

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: except that he goes postal about the President waging class warfare which might be somewhat of a buzzkill for me

  13. 13
    Sarah Proud and Tall says:


    I didn’t say the beer wouldn’t be spiked with a little something.

  14. 14
    B W Smith says:

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: Cain has been on radio in Atlanta for years (don’t know if he is syndicated). He is bosom buddies with Neal Boortz. Anyone who has listened to his radio show knows that his policy chops are very shallow. He speaks in platitudes. He is very popular with the Georgia Tea Party crowd but I have never had a black friend say anything good about him. They all disliked him before the “Blacks are all brainwashed” into voting Democrat statement. Plus, I don’t understand why his health isn’t an issue. He is still within the time frame for his cancer to return with a vengeance. I think a continued serge in his popularity will get reporters sniffing and he will drop like a rock.

  15. 15
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Didn’t she impose a September deadline on herself to decide is she is or is she ain’t?

    She ain’t.

  16. 16
    Ivan Ivanovich Renko says:

    Your dossier in the Lubyanka was… interesting, Sarah, but but did not begin to capture the real you. We could have used a sharp eyed officer like you, back in the old days. A pity you could not be turned.

  17. 17

    @Ivan Ivanovich Renko:

    Unfortunately, once I’m bought, I stay bought, comrade.

    Oh, and then there was the time that Brezhnev dribbled on the collar of my watered-silk Dior. There are some things a girl just can’t forgive.

  18. 18
    dmsilev says:


    Didn’t she impose a September deadline on herself to decide is she is or is she ain’t?

    Yep. And having missed that deadline, she was roundly mocked by Erick Erickovich of all people. (TPM link, so it’s safe for your sanity).

  19. 19
    me says:

    @dmsilev: She’ll probably just pretend she never said it because without the possibility of running she won’t get attention and without attention she won’t get money.

  20. 20
    ppcli says:

    @Ivan Ivanovich Renko: I thought Ivan Ivanovich is just a regular policeman (“militia”) investigating stuff like murder and theft, not KGB. The only way he would get into Lubyanka would be to get arrested.

  21. 21
    piratedan says:

    @Michael Bersin: and then he lit up a Cubano and slapped that bitch and told her to get into the kitchen and make him a sammich.

  22. 22
    piratedan says:

    eventually the R’s will be deadlocked and they’ll have to convince Jeb to run…. er wait a minute…. maybe they’ll get Limbaugh to lead them into the light, where the aliens can abduct them all and finally take them away.

  23. 23
    Ivan Ivanovich Renko says:

    Renko, Ivan Ivanovich, Polkovnik retired, Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.

    You are thinking of my distant cousin, Arkady Kirilovich. I did what I could for him, but was not going to endanger my own career for his folly.

  24. 24
    Xecky Gilchrist says:

    If only the contenders’ staffers were as committed as the people they polled!

  25. 25
    ppcli says:

    @Ivan Ivanovich Renko: Ah – sorry about that.

  26. 26
    Lee says:

    Are the teabillies going to accept someone who wants TWO new taxes? His 999 plan has a new national VAT and Sales Tax.

    I honestly think most of his support is guilt.

  27. 27
    Samara Morgan says:

    nice linkage grammie.
    i thot i was the onliest one that read AllahP.

    we usta be e-friends– until Obama got elected.
    i still think Obama hatred is a manifestation of psycho-sexual jealousy for most of the wingnuttery…. and the firebaggery too.

  28. 28
    Mnemosyne says:

    Herman Cain has never held elective office. Not once. And yet he’s the GOP front-runner.

    I have to admit, that kinda blows my mind, even though I know he’s not going to be the front-runner for much longer.

  29. 29

    Repukelickan Statergery at its finest ladies and germs. Support the black guy because THEY have a black guy and this will PROVE we’re not racists. Plus he’s bound to attract scads of black voters!

    Just like that time in Illinois! (Now remember the drill: If some of our more … er … traditional voters start using the N word, shout STEALTH LIBERAL!! to drown them out.)

    In the years to come I will check the archives of blogs such as this so I can watch this train wreck over and over and over again!

  30. 30
    The Bobs says:

    Why isn’t Trump on the list? He had quite a spike before collapsing like Perry.

  31. 31
    gaz says:

    @The Bobs: The establishment decided that his hair didn’t rate as “Presidential”


  32. 32
    Samara Morgan says:

    Grammy, not to mention Camp Niggerhead.

  33. 33
    harlana says:

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    I didn’t say the beer wouldn’t be spiked with a little something.

    Sarah, considering your, erhm, reputation and history with the opposite sex, I hope we won’t be spiking it with roofies! I know Cain is serious cougar material, but let’s maintain some standards here. ;)

  34. 34
    jayjaybear says:

    @Mnemosyne: Ever since sometime in the 60s, expertise is disdained by the Republicans. The faux-populist crap they spew insists that anyone can run the country better than those idiots currently in charge can. It’s bullshit, but they’ve got it trademarked and they’re going to run the hell out of it.

  35. 35
    mining city guy says:

    Sarah, I just learned via the pundit round-up at Daily Kos, that there is an Occupy Spokane movement happening there, following the lead of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Are you or any other residents of the Shady Pines Home for the Violently Senile involved with it?

  36. 36
    maya says:

    Repo,(Dixie Down Party?) 2012 bumper sticker:

    Herman Cain / Virgil Cain
    “The night they drove ol’ Dixie Down”

  37. 37
    PanAmerican says:

    @Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen:

    We could hire our own midget, even shorter than his.

  38. 38
    Keith says:

    @PanAmerican: Nail + head.

  39. 39
    cokane says:

    haha this a hilarious post. I think a great deal of this switching is just that these nuts want to pick a winner. Any candidate who has good news that week will get a bump, because people want to claim first place on the bandwagon. Politics is a game to most of these people, where beating Obama is the only real goal.

  40. 40
    Anoniminous says:

    I see 32% are supporting a GOP presidential candidate who isn’t running.

  41. 41

    Ms. Sarah, you are on a roll. I do hope you meet up with Herman Cain and that we get to hear all the juicy details.

    @PanAmerican: Pretty much that.

  42. 42
    Matt says:

    The problem for the whole country (in regards to the GOP primary) is “lack of commitment”: way too many candidates and likely voters who SHOULD BE COMMITTED but haven’t been…

  43. 43
    catclub says:

    @Lee: It is based on the fact that poor people will be worse off under it – hence its popularity with the knuckle draggers.

    I cannot imagine it actually collecting anywhere NEAR to 19% of GDP to actually come close to balancing the budget.

    (Note that 19% is _THEIR_ figure for how much government should be.)

    A real problem with hyper-partisan behavior is that no referee can be agreed on. If one could be, then you could say: raise taxes and then if it is too much — according to the referee — then lower the rates, or if it does not bring in enough, then raise the rates. But if no one agrees on a single referee, the next step never comes.

  44. 44
    Cliff says:

    Are there words to express how much I love that Palin is second behind Cain, after all this time?

    I submit that there are not.

  45. 45
    Rome Again says:

    For those who are agnostic or consider the fact that God may actually exist after all (I’m on the fence, but, I don’t outright deny the idea completely): I give you the following:

    Two weeks ago, on television, I heard that someone stated that the name McCain doesn’t mean “Son of Cain” – yet, if you study the variations for “son of” (such as Mc and Mac in Gaelic, Bin in Arabic, Ben in Hebrew, ….) it sure seems they were just trying to brush off the idea because it made them uncomfortable.

    So, in 2008, the Republicans supported McCain and now in the run up to the 2012 election, it looks like there is a lot of support for Cain (not son of Cain this time, just Cain). Does anyone think that if there might be a God, he’s trying to tell us something?

Comments are closed.