This Made Me Laugh

Saw this on that facebook thing:

Pretty much.

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63 replies
  1. 1
    efgoldman says:

    Hee!

  2. 2
    The Republic of Stupidity says:

    I’m beginning to think the real problem righties have w/ gay marriage is the infidelity thing… a whole new playing field, so to speak, tempting them…

  3. 3
    efgoldman says:

    @The Republic of Stupidity:

    I’m beginning to think the real problem righties have w/ gay marriage is the infidelity thing… a whole new playing field, so to speak, tempting them…

    Yeah, but all they gotta’ do is admit their sin and pray it away. ::BAM:: Forgiveness and ponies.

  4. 4
    piratedan says:

    next thing you know, they’ll be promoting households where dogs and cats live together in harmony……

  5. 5
  6. 6
    singfoom says:

    But but, the slippery slope!!!!! If you let gays get married, then people can marry their cats, and, I don’t know MASS HYSTERIA!

    Also, I think we’re supposed to think of the children…

  7. 7
    beergoggles says:

    @The Republic of Stupidity: No, the problem they have with it is that they are honestly tempted by it. So they need to ban it so they won’t end up trying it. Their rhetoric and the research pretty much bears it out:
    – That it’s a choice
    – That they get aroused by teh gay pr0n.

  8. 8
    WaterGirl says:

    @flukebucket: Wow, just wow. It felt like watching Leave it To Beaver, except for the watch out for homosexuals part. Is that video for real, or is it a 1950s spoof?

  9. 9

    To steal Pandagon’s line: gay marriage will destroy traditional marriage, by replacing it with egalitarian marriage.

  10. 10
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    @singfoom: Even worse, gays could get married on slippery slopes, and get hurt. We gotta protect the gays from themselves.

  11. 11
    JPL says:

    @piratedan: Depends on the meaning of harmony.

  12. 12
    amk says:

    I knew it. Gays are red commies too.

  13. 13
    flukebucket says:

    @WaterGirl:

    I don’t even know if they did spoof back in the 50’s. I was just mightily impressed with the pornstache.

  14. 14
    jrg says:

    I don’t think that everyone who fights against marriage equality is in the closet. That would mean ~50% of the country is in the closet.

    This is the “who are you better than?” dynamic at work. If you have no education, very little money, very little common sense, no creative outlets, and you’ve never been more than 100 miles from where you were born, you’ve got to have some reason to feel good about yourself.

    It’s not a coincidence that many of those who oppose gay marriage are fundie hicks. The same thing that draws them to fundie religion draws them to hate the gays. Deep down, they know they are useless troglodytes, so pretending that they can get into heaven when others can’t, or making laws that prevent others from getting married makes them feel better.

  15. 15
    Zifnab says:

    We can’t have gay marriage making straight marriage look bad. And we can’t allow any of those gay people to reap the rewards that straight people get from tax codes and business rules.

    It’s a simple yet effective form of legal segregation.

  16. 16
    RandyH says:

    Yes. God forbid the gays might get married and have lifelong meaningful relationships instead of all that whoring about we always hear about with “those people.”

    Why is all of this so hard for some people to understand?

    We need to kill the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) so that gay people can marry wherever it is legal to do so and then go home and their state (and employers, etc) will be forced to respect their marriage, just like when mixed-race couples were finally able to marry and force their states to recognize their rights as married couples.

  17. 17
    beergoggles says:

    @jrg: I’m not talking about everyone that’s against it in a poll; just the ones that are vehemently and actively against it and think about it all the time. Most of the country doesn’t even think about it until some pollster actually asks them about it.

  18. 18
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    But…but…

    John, it’s gay. It’s icky. People are doing this and I have to think about it.

    Oh…I see the problem now. It’s with me. Not them.

    Never mind.

    (You can tell I’m not a jeebofascist, can’t you?)

  19. 19
    cmorenc says:

    I’m a hetro guy who was inclined against supporting gay marriage, until I finally realized:
    1) Nothing about allowing it would ever require or pressure me into any sort of gay relationship, let alone marriage. I was entirely free to stick with women.
    2) Nothing about allowing it would affect or impair my own existing marriage to a woman, or someday that of my daughters to a man.
    3) The world isn’t really going to cave in if it’s allowed. The actual effect on heterosexual folk and heterosexually married folk and families will be nil, except for putting up with the wailing by the sort of people who feel scornfully prejudiced and often even insecure toward gay people, completely aside even from the gay marriage issue.
    4) Nothing about allowing gay marriage for other people requires me to ever go to any gay weddings if I don’t want to. Correspondingly, they don’t need my attendance or approval to have a marvelous time at their wedding or a happy, productive life together afterward.

    THEREFORE, what’s the big deal? The “whatever floats your boat” principle would seem to apply here, unless the antis can come up with vastly better proof of some kind of actual harm that will come of it than the weak, spurious crap they’ve come up with so far.

  20. 20
    wrb says:

    @RandyH:

    Yes. God forbid the gays might get married and have lifelong meaningful relationships instead of all that whoring about we always hear about with “those people.”

    Once married, it stands to reason that they will do less of that thing that makes slopes slippery.

  21. 21
    MattF says:

    Not entirely off topic:

    http://2012.talkingpointsmemo......hp?ref=fpa

    Because… it occurs to me that this could be a dogwhistle to the “Perry is gay” rumors. No, srsly.

  22. 22
    MariedeGournay says:

    The jolly candy-like button!

  23. 23
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    The only real reason for being against gay marriage is that is will make gay people seem more boring, ordinary and even a little bit old fashioned small-c conservative, which makes them harder for some people to hate as an exotic out-group that is oh-so-different from us. Which basically sucks if you are in the business of selling hate as if it was a hair-care product. Shrinking markets don’t bode well for future sales potential.

  24. 24
    Wily Jalapeño says:

    @WaterGirl:
    @flukebucket:

    That youtube clip is real, kids:

    One of Davis’ most notorious films, Boys Beware (1961), produced with the cooperation of the Inglewood, California Police Department and the Inglewood Unified School District, warns boys of the perceived dangers of male homosexuals. The film includes the line “What Jimmy didn’t know was that Ralph was sick — a sickness that was not visible like smallpox, but no less dangerous and contagious–a sickness of the mind. You see, Ralph was a homosexual: a person who demands an intimate relationship with members of their own sex.” The same year, Davis made Girls Beware, warning girls not to put themselves into situations where they would be defenseless, a topic that Davis had covered at least 10 years earlier in his film Name Unknown, in which a man used a gun to accost a couple in isolated surroundings, forcing the boy into the trunk of the car and raping the girl.

    Good Christ!

  25. 25
    Cat Lady says:

    Here in Massachusetts Sodom, we’ve had a lot of practice living amongst teh married gheys and the only challenge I’ve found is how to introduce a married same sex couple who don’t share a last name, cuz you can’t use Mr. and Mrs. as an identifier. I’ve typically said “this is Dave X and his husband Mike Y”, which works most of the time. Sometimes it’s awkward from an etiquette perspective, but it’s a good problem to have.

  26. 26
    LABiker says:

    To be fair, the polar ice caps are melting, although I’m not sure gay marriage has anything to do with it. Unless people are having hot gay married sex in our planet’s polar regions.

  27. 27
    wrb says:

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    The only real reason for being against gay marriage is that is will make gay people seem more boring

    That isn’t quite true. It is perfectly rational for those of us who are single to oppose increasing the constituency for special tax, healthcare and other advantages for the married.

    However, the anti-gay marriage crowd is too hateful to associate with and I have a gay friend to whom it means a lot, so what the hell.

  28. 28
    Legalize says:

    If chicks now have the option of getting married to other chicks, hell, that really cock-blocks your average winger’s whole game. Plus, constantly-inadequate-feeling wingers know that if people they don’t like get to enjoy rights wingers have, winger rights are made less meaningful. Which is what everything is about with them – perpetual butt-hurt over not getting to be superior to everyone else.

    Wingerism is not so much a political ideology, as it is a syndrome affecting 27% of the population.

  29. 29
    RandyH says:

    Just so everybody knows, the Flavor Of The Month among Republicans, Chris Christie – you know him, right?

    Well, he likes him some gays. He stated in a recent interview that he does not think the gays are sinners. He thinks they were created gay by God – yes, God!! – and blessed with the gift of gayness, therefore they are not sinners.

    Good for him.

    So how long will he last in a Teabagger race?

  30. 30
    ThresherK says:

    Isn’t “Closeted Valuista’s Lover Holds Press Conference to Announce He’s Found Someone Who’ll Marry Him” an option?

  31. 31
    beltane says:

    @RandyH: Christie is nothing more than Chunky Ghouliani. I hope, at least, that there are no pictures of him in drag. OK, I hope there are but that is besides the point.

  32. 32
    Legalize says:

    There is the serious problem raised by George Costanza: when two lesbians dance, how do they decide who leads?

  33. 33
    Bob's Your Uncle! says:

    This list has been around a while, but it’s still good.

    WHY GAY MARRIAGE IS WRONG!

    1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses,
    polyester, and birth control.

    2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they
    produce children. Homosexual couples, infertile
    couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry
    because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world
    needs more children.

    3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children,
    since straight parents only raise straight children.

    4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful; if
    homosexual marriage were allowed, the sanctity of
    Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be
    destroyed.

    5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time
    and hasn’t changed at all; women are property, blacks
    can’t marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

    6. Gay marriage should be decided by people not the
    courts, because the majority-elected
    legislatures, not the courts, have historically
    protected the civil rights of minorities.

    7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a
    theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are
    imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only
    one religion in America.

    8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in
    the same way that hanging around tall people will make
    you tall.

    9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all
    kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry
    their pets because a dog has legal standing and can
    sign a marriage contract.

    10. Children can never succeed without a male and a
    female role model at home. That’s why we as a society
    expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

    11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of
    society; we could never adapt to new social norms.
    Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the
    service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

    12. Civil unions–providing most of the same benefits
    as marriage with a different name–are better, because
    “separate but equal” institutions are historically
    constitutional.

  34. 34
    Satanicpanic says:

    Gay people look like they’re having fun; conservatives can’t allow that.

  35. 35
    NonyNony says:

    @Legalize:

    If chicks now have the option of getting married to other chicks, hell, that really cock-blocks your average winger’s whole game.

    Well you might think so, but when dudes have the option of getting married to other dudes, it reduces the pool on the other side too. I actually don’t know population statistics – maybe it balances things out completely.

    I remember someone in college revealing to me that he decided he was cool with gay guys, though he wasn’t gay himself, because every time he saw a really good looking guy and found out that guy was gay, it was one less guy he had to worry about in the dating game.

  36. 36
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Bob’s Your Uncle!:

    Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a
    theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are
    imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only
    one religion in America.

    And that one religion is Mammonism.

  37. 37
    Carnacki says:

    Poland! You forgot Poland!

  38. 38
    de stijl says:

    My favorite pie chart.

  39. 39
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Satanicpanic:

    Gay people look like they’re having fun; conservatives can’t allow that.

    “Puritanism – the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”

    –H.L. Mencken

  40. 40

    @Legalize:

    That is a very, very old line. The first time I heard it was back in 19-something-or-the-other.

    They work it out. Like women do who aren’t sexually involved but occasionally wind up dancing together.

    Asshole.

  41. 41
    ppcli says:

    Unfortunately to your average bible-thumper, Gays getting married is far worse than any of the other things you list. (And they’re positively lusting for Armageddon.) So they’ll look at this pie chart and shriek: Merciful God, no! It’s even worse than I feared!

  42. 42
    fasteddie9318 says:

    @NonyNony: There may be some balancing effect, but looking at the roster of winger man-meat, I have to believe that there’s enough there to push even mildly bi-curious women firmly into the lesbian camp. Without opposite-only marriage there to lure some of those women back, there are going to be a lot of sad winger men trying to figure out how to simultaneously eat Cheetos and work a mouse while one hand is otherwise occupied.

  43. 43
    Legalize says:

    @NonyNony:
    But I think that marriage, as a concept for the typical male winger is used primarily as a device to achieve (a) sexy time; and (b) the perception of being dominant over others. In their little world, being perceived as being a dominant male is a really big deal – a good 75% of their writing is reflective of this. Which is kind of funny, because male-male relationships are often colloquially defined as a pairing of a dominant and submissive. I think in that respect, winger males know which, um, end they’d find themselves on – there’s that inadequacy thing again.

  44. 44
    fasteddie9318 says:

    @ppcli: What I don’t understand is, if these folks are so damned anxious for the end of the world, why don’t they cheer this kind of stuff on? Isn’t the total ruination of Christian society one of the pre-reqs for getting Armageddon rolling?

  45. 45
    KG says:

    @LABiker: is it irresponsible to speculate?

  46. 46
    Warren Terra says:

    @Belafon (formerly anonevent):

    @singfoom: Even worse, gays could get married on slippery slopes, and get hurt. We gotta protect the gays from themselves.

    Slippery slopes are especially risky in the dress shoes guys wear at weddings. No grip at all.

  47. 47
    Legalize says:

    @Linda Featheringill:

    Fuck off. If you can’t tell that any reference to George Costanza is obviously meant in jest, then you can’t be helped.

  48. 48
    Svensker says:

    @fasteddie9318:

    Well thanks a lot for THAT mental image.

  49. 49
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @fasteddie9318:

    Well, it’s kinda like the whole thing that Jesus needed to die in order to be reanimated to rise to heaven and thus give a supernatural coating to his entire philosophical oeuvre.

    So, why are they so mad at the Jews? They made their entire religion possible!

  50. 50
    Calouste says:

    @jrg:

    It’s not a coincidence that many of those who oppose gay marriage are fundie hicks. The same thing that draws them to fundie religion draws them to hate the gays. Deep down, they know they are useless troglodytes, so pretending that they can get into heaven when others can’t, or making laws that prevent others from getting married makes them feel better.

    That makes me think: is it a corollary of Marx’ “Religion is opium for the masses” that the War on Drugs exists to prevent Religion from getting too much competition?

  51. 51
    fasteddie9318 says:

    @Svensker: I do what I can. If I were of an engineering bent, I’d love to take a crack at an automatic Cheetos dispenser that can be strapped around the face, or maybe a simple feedbag is all they’ll need.

  52. 52
    fasteddie9318 says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: Yeah, but the Jews were totally supposed to “get” Jesus and they were all, “Whatever, dude, just shut up and go make us some more wine.” It really hurt His feelings.

  53. 53
  54. 54
    Anoniminous says:

    You misunderestimate the dire effects of The Big Red Button.

    There are several common things which pushing the big red button may do. They include: Initiating the Self-Destruct Sequence, Activating the Ejection Seat, Using the Nitro Boost, sounding the Red Alert, and launching a missile, rocket, or air strike. It may also be there to confuse people infiltrating the secret base and it will immediately cause the pusher of the button to fall into a trap. Or it may do absolutely nothing.

    Out of the eight possible results of pushing The Big Red Button only one – ONE!!!1!!eleventy-one!!!!! – is non-dire.

    Thus it is irresponsible to allow The Big Red Button of Gay Marriage to exist.

  55. 55
    Tony J says:

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    So, why are they so mad at the Jews? They made their entire religion possible!

    Meh. What about that whole ‘Original Sin’ thing being dumped on Eve’s shoulders? I mean, before they ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil neither of God’s pet people had any idea of what those things were. So how could Eve ‘know’ that she was doing something wrong? I can tell a toddler not to play with knives, but if I’ve left a machette in the playpen I don’t think “But I told him not to play with knives!” is going to cut much ice with social services.

    And if Eve hadn’t got them kicked out of Eden there wouldn’t even be a human race. Eve made Jesus possible, what’s wrong with that? Why do they hate Jesus?

  56. 56
    28 Percent says:

    Just saw the pic in the blogad – is it just me, or is Michael Moore no longer fat?

  57. 57
    The Other Chuck says:

    @28 Percent:

    It’s just you. He’s fatter than ever these days.

  58. 58

    @wrb: It is perfectly rational for those of us who are single to oppose increasing the constituency for special tax, healthcare and other advantages for the married.

    Why is that rational again?

  59. 59
    John M. Burt says:

    @jrg: “I don’t think that everyone who fights against marriage equality is in the closet. That would mean ~50% of the country is in the closet.”

    No, the people making all the fuss and spittle are far fewer than the ones they can stampede into voting for a gay bashing ballot measure. And even the latter seem to be just barely, if at all, over 50%, and dwindling rapidly.

  60. 60
    wrb says:

    @Cris (without an H):

    Self interest.

    Married people draw disproportionately on funds to which we all contribute, like social security.

    The advantages of marriage over civil unions are largely financial, and at the expense of those who are not married.

    So ideally, in a just world, anyone could marry whomever they like, but marriage would confer no financial privilege taken at the expense of the unmarried.

  61. 61
    gelfling545 says:

    @wrb: It made some kind of sense when women were expected to stay out of the work force. Now it makes no sense at all. I’ve been married & got the tax break but, even then, I didn’t understand the thinking. Two people decide to support one household thereby lessening their expenses so they should pay LESS tax than any two people maintaining, at greater expense, one household each? I understand the exemption for children but not the married tax break. Marriage is, they say, supposed to be a good thing, no? with physical & emotional benefits to the parties (I mean, mine wasn’t but that was hardly the government’s fault) so why should there be this inducement to do this good thing that people were probably going to do anyway in the form of a lower tax rate?

  62. 62
    Arundel says:

    As an of-the-gay-person, just want to say I don’t stop being incredibly heartened to see this support, from Cole and from the good people here, for gay marriage.

    I’m 42, I never thought I’d see the day. Just want to say I appreciate it, immensely. Like, it blows me away how things have changed, in my lifetime. Thank you all.

  63. 63

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