I’m Begging Now

Front pagers- stop making new categories for every whim. Use tags to be clever. We now have fifty categories with two posts or less in them. Some of the categories don’t even begin to make sense.

We have a category titled ‘eh.’ WTF does that mean? What the hell does “Balloon Jobs” mean? Why? Tire Swinging is so 2008?

Or Rick Perry Presents Rick Perry? Africa? Lizard blogging? Crab-Bucket Politics? Malkinfreude? “We don’t need another hero,” but that’s ok, because “we don’t need to know the way home.”

The stupid speaks for itself?” If it really did, you wouldn’t need a god damned category pointing that out, would you?

We even have one for resveratrol, and I can’t figure out if one of you made it or spammers have access to our code.

Work with me. Make as many damned tags as you want. But stop creating a category for each individual post.


170 replies
  1. 1
    Alex says:

    Likewise, can we readers request no more posts only addressed to front-pagers? Thanks.

  2. 2
    Hunter Gathers says:

    Green Balloon Juice!

  3. 3
    JPL says:

    Someone needs a hug..

  4. 4
    Sphys says:

    Isn’t “Balloon Jobs” for posts about people looking for or offering jobs? I’m not a heavy commenter (understatement!) but that one seems like a keeper.

  5. 5
    Jay says:

    “ ‘The stupid speaks for itself?’ If it really did, you wouldn’t need a god damned category pointing that out, would you?”

    For the last time, folks: don’t make Cole come back there!

  6. 6
    Jeremy H says:

    Agreed. The categories used to make me laugh, but now the proliferation of oh-so-cute categories just seems like me-too faux-Coleisms to me.

    Less is more, people. Less is more.

  7. 7
    Suffern ACE says:

    Actually, since the economy still sucks, another Balloon Jobs post on a friday might not be a bad idea.

  8. 8
    Jennifer says:

    Check out the economy of tags over at our joint. Half the fun is seeing the diversity that pops up under “Evil Clowns,” “repent” or even “Monkey. Photoshopped with gun.”

  9. 9
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    Way to grab the bully pulpit John! What we need is a Tag Reform Beer Summit.

    I’ll supply the baseball bats.

  10. 10
    ABL says:

    I am crying laughing.


  11. 11
    kindness says:

    Uh-oh, Are the inmates running the asylum?

    No more shiny new toys for you Front Pagers! Bad! Bad Front Pagers!

    You gotta admit it was kinda funny in it’s own eccentric way.

  12. 12
    ABL says:

    What does it say about you that you want to delete “Africa”?


    Sarcastic cries of racist are so hot right now here.

  13. 13
    ABL says:

    “EVERYONE CAN SEE HOW CLEVER I AM WITH MY PITHY TAGS, Look how fun it is tomake tags, Look I am doing it again, OMG SO MUCH FUN”

    this will never not be funny.

  14. 14
    keith says:

    To my dad, can you PLEASE stop putting empty beercans and cigarette butts in your shower?

  15. 15
    srv says:

    Well, derpty derp.

    And not a single tag for Dengre’s awesomest Confederate Party series.

    John, you’re like Obama, you don’t do anything until it’s too late.

  16. 16
    gnomedad says:

    Cole is so cute when he posts snark bait.

  17. 17
    jl says:

    But lately, I’ve just been reading the blog for the tags.

    I figure that any blog that does not have more tags than posts is a rinky dink operation.

    Edit: for example, ‘Tunch and Rosie team up again to destroy Cole, with action pix’ is a sorely needed tag. I want to find all of those posts.

  18. 18
    gnomedad says:

    I have an idea for a Star Trek episode in which these aliens only communicate using tags.

  19. 19
    PeakVT says:

    Someone, please, hook Cole up with a way to delete the offending categories.

  20. 20
    fuckwit says:

    I really like the idea of “balloobs”. I don’t know why, but it appeals to me.

    Seriously, though, dude, WHY would you be making a FP post out of that, instead of a private email to your staff?

    It’s really odd, creepy, and gives the impression that there’s a terrible leadership breakdown there and you’re not really in charge, or know how to be.

    No competent manager– be it in government, private industry, non-profit, or even volunteer organization– would ever have an internal discussion like that in public if it was at all possible not to (sunshine laws and Brown Act notwithstanding).

    This is really weird. It’s embarassing to watch. I suggest having your internal discussions/debates/pronouncements on private email with your staff.

  21. 21
    MikeJ says:

    When did categories and tags become separate anyway? I suspect that cat proliferation was done more through stupidity than malice. But perhaps the stupidity was in not giving a safe outlet for the tag snark. I applaud you for fixing it.

  22. 22
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    I love this blog. I truly do.

  23. 23
    jl says:


    “It’s really odd, creepy, and gives the impression that there’s a terrible leadership breakdown there and you’re not really in charge, or know how to be.”

    ‘gives an impression’?

    Edit: meaning: BJ SOP should give more than ‘an impression’.

  24. 24
    Maura Cavaleri says:

    I personally LOVE a snarky Cole. As far as the tags go, they were amusing, now they’re mostly an attempt to look clever.

  25. 25
    srv says:

    @gnomedad: When the walls fell.

  26. 26
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @MikeJ: In about 2005 or so with Technorati, IIRC. You can limit categories, but have tags associated with many more items.

    on topic – looks like it’s time for another blogger ethics panel.

  27. 27
    danimal says:


    Someone, please, hook Cole up with a way to delete the offending categories.


  28. 28
    srv says:

    Timmeh made the Resveratroll one. It was supposed to make us all young again.

  29. 29
    Keith G says:

    I have pretty much given up trying to use tags to find things ’round here. I don’t even notice them any more, actually.

  30. 30
    jeffreyw says:

    Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down
    Kick ’em when they’re up, kick ’em when they’re down

  31. 31
    DISTANT says:

    isnt this kind of “dressing down” to your colleagues best done in private? You do have each other emails, correct?

    It just come off as a little put down in front of the audience….has a bad taste to it, that is all.

  32. 32
    gnomedad says:


  33. 33
    schrodinger's cat says:

    Shorter Cole:
    This is madness.

  34. 34
    Marci Kiser says:

    Hey! Someone better tell John Cole that John Cole is calling out the other front-pagers in a post, rather than sending John Cole an email. Boy howdy, I bet John Cole’s gonna be pissed when he finds out how that O-bot John Cole is acting towards known firebagger John Cole…

  35. 35
    gogol's wife says:

    @Keith G:

    I never notice them at all. But of course Balloon Jobs is that very useful Sarah Proud and Tall series where people without jobs find people who offer them jobs. That certainly should stay.

  36. 36

    I’m pretty sure the “resverаtrol” category was supposed to be a clever way of talking about wine, which is the main place you’ll find it. I guess wine blogging was never as popular as beer blogging, or maybe it’s just easier to talk about wine blogging than “resverаtrol”.

  37. 37
    dmsilev says:

    You know, if I were a front pager, I’d regard a post like this as a challenge.

    (probably one of many reasons why I’m not a front pager)

  38. 38
    ABL says:

    @fuckwit: because it’s HILARIOUS. and i can attest that cole has asked me privately to stop making new categories.

    @schrodinger’s cat: there’s a category for that.

  39. 39
    piratedan says:

    overheard at JC’s keyboard…..I swear, its like herding cats………

  40. 40
    MikeJ says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: I realise the concet of tags has been around for a while, but no other post on BJ has them. Did Cole only start allowing them as of this post?

  41. 41
    Litlebritdifrnt says:

    *sigh* the vet’s office called today, Con’s ashes can be picked up “we are open until 6pm today and til 5:30 Monday” the message said brightly. I have to say though there was one thing that I found quite touching. When I was saying goodbye to him, I whispered in his ear “I will see you at the Rainbow Bridge sweetheart”. Yesterday a card arrived in the mail from the Vet’s office, on the front was the entire Rainbow Bridge poem and inside it was signed by all the staff. It is normal for them to send a card when a pet dies, even if you just call in and tell them to take a pet off the records because they have died. They will always send out a nice card. I just thought this was special because the Vet and tech obviously heard me whispering the Rainbow Bridge into his ear and chose that card specifically. Shit I am crying again. Sorry got to go.

  42. 42
    joes527 says:

    Hey! Look at that. Balloon Juice has categories.

    Who knew?

  43. 43
    Jim C says:

    From the Lexicon:

    Malkinfreude- The shameful pleasure that one feels upon seeing a wingnut embarrassed by their own intemperate behavior or gullibility. Named for Michelle Malkin, possibly the most reliable source of wrong information and intemperate behavior (see ‘Granite Countertops’, ‘United Pastry Jihad’) on the internets.

    Tag created by Tim F. in 2009 and used one other time by … John Cole (in 2009).

  44. 44
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @MikeJ: IDK, I don’t think anyone else knew how to use them, or were instructed to.

    And I really don’t consider them a conceit. If you’ve got a site with a certain number of categories that function as large containers of general information (think “news,” “sports,” “weather,” etc.), the use of tags is a better way to separate granular information than categories.

    ETA: FYWP has had tagging capability for several versions now.

  45. 45
    adolphus says:

    I like these little peaks behind the scenery. It’s like a blog version of the Gary Shandling Show.

  46. 46
    schrodinger's cat says:

    I have a suggestion, why don’t you hand Tunch the keys to the kingdom and retire.

  47. 47
    eemom says:

    umm…..Cole? You’re kind of like Obama, except that you don’t need 60 votes. You don’t need a majority. You don’t need your party members to have your back. You don’t need to worry about reelection. You don’t even need a bully pulpit.

    You kind of like, ARE King For Life here. So if you don’t like the fucking tags, why not just delete them?

  48. 48
    JK says:

    We certainly require more lizard blogging.

  49. 49
    Elizabelle says:

    What was “the teabagger’s apprentice”?

    Broke out laughing when scrolled up to that one.

  50. 50
    Chyron HR says:


    Fuck you, I like Toto.

  51. 51
    MikeJ says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: Tags aren’t necessarily a conceit, but the way categories have been used here are. If all along people had been using tags rather than cats everybody would be happier.

    And Cole: If there’s no category->tag converter script out there yell. It should be trivial to do. Would be an easy way to free up cat space and allow you to move some to where they belong.

  52. 52
    Elizabelle says:

    That list of tags is classic. Long yes, but sums up our times and the general fuckitude pretty well.

    What’s “eh”?

  53. 53
    Wiesman says:

    This entire post is Obama’s fault.

  54. 54
    Valdivia says:


    that made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss.

  55. 55
    Valdivia says:

    @Chyron HR:

    ha ha ha. This is why I love this place.

  56. 56
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Elizabelle: It is for the Canadians amongst us.

  57. 57
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Chyron HR: Fuck you and your little dog too.

  58. 58
    chines says:

    Tire swinging is so 2008 was created by … John Cole.


  59. 59
    Suffern ACE says:

    @eemom: IIRC, the way to get Cole to assert that authority is for us commenters to start organizing a vote on the matter.

  60. 60
    Jon H says:

    Remember when John Cole read this blog?

  61. 61
    opal says:

    “Fucksaw” is my new favorite category.

  62. 62
    Valdivia says:

    John needs a theme song for this.

  63. 63
    Raven (formerly stuckinred) says:

    @Jon H: Pre-twitter

  64. 64
    JGabriel says:

    Balloon Jobs is for the job networking threads that SP&T posts. Resveratrol is for Tim’s occasional posts on the subject.

    So those two are somewhat useful and self-explanatory. The rest that you complain about, yeah, they’re probably a little too insider-y for archival purposes.


  65. 65
    Litlebritdifrnt says:


    Thanks. It still hurts. It is weird. When Alpha died of natural causes last month I cried for a day or so and then buried her. I was fine after that. I think my problem here is that I had to make the decision to put Con to sleep. That is really weighing on my mind, to the extent that I woke up at 5am this morning thinking about it, I just can’t get it out of my head that I made that decision and to an extent it is MY FAULT that he is dead. I know I am completely and utterly fucked up in that respect because I know I made the right decision, but I cannot get it out of my head. I have been lucky (if you would call it that) that I have been rarely called upon to decide when a pet must die. The fact that I had to make that decision is really messing with my head. I just cannot forgive myself.

  66. 66
    jenn says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: I’m so sorry. Sending supportive vibes your way. I joined Valdivia in starting to cry – I lost my old girl last year, and it struck a little close to home. Take care!

  67. 67
    soonergrunt says:

    Hey, John, after the other day, I really do need to point out that this is something you should’ve handled in email.


  68. 68
    lamh32 says:

    OT, but 31 million people watched Obama’s Job Speech last night!

    Having the speech before the game was a good idea, and I contend that more people watched it because of the “speech-timing” kerfluffle. If Boehner was trying to “trick” POTUS by having the speech the same day as NFL kick-off, it certainly backfired.


  69. 69
    Garbo says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: So sorry. I’ve gotten that call, made that pick-up trip, received that card. Just hurts, period.

  70. 70
    kindness says:

    @dmsilev: Or probably one of the reasons you’d be an ex-Front Pager.

  71. 71
    Valdivia says:


    sending you hugs, and I think it is natural to feel what you are feeling. You made a tough call but it had to be made. Won’t say anymore as it will feel platitudinous but still: more hugs.

  72. 72
    Valdivia says:


    is that a big number compared to other political speeches. It sounds big to me but what do I know? ;)

  73. 73
    jnfr says:

    What’s with the complaints about management style? You people think this is IBM or something?

  74. 74
    MikeBoyScout says:

    I suggest you set up a tag reduction Super Committee, otherwise this blog will end up like Greece!

  75. 75
    JGabriel says:


    When the walls fell.

    David Brooks giving a seminar at the Aspen Institute.


  76. 76
    Raven (formerly stuckinred) says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: I will hurt, like a kick in the stomach. Then it will hurt a little less. Then something will trigger it and it will be as bad, or worse, than ever. Then it will lessen. You’ll repeat this and eventually it will get better. It’s not a universal experience but you are certainly not the only one to be have it. I remember how we felt when Raven came out of the chemo and radiation and seemed worse than he was when he went in. It went on and on and then he got better. For two years it was up and down. The vet would say, “the time will come but it’s not now”. Then it was. We lit a candle for him every day for a year. Now we look back and think maybe the $20,000 and all that shit was not the right thing to do. We also look back and think about how much we loved him.

  77. 77
    Elizabelle says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Ah. Thanks.

  78. 78
    JGabriel says:

    @Jim C: Malkinfreude really should get more use.

  79. 79
    lamh32 says:

    @lamh32: @Valdivia:

    here’e the write up from reuters:

    Obama’s Thursday night address to a joint session of Congress drew a bigger audience than both his March speech on U.S. military involvement in Libya (25.6 million) and his August 2010 speech declaring the end of the U.S. combat mission in Iraq (29.2 million)

    Nielsen ratings data showed that 31.4 million viewers watched Obama’s address on jobs, which was carried live across 11 TV networks.
    The TV audience, however, fell well short of the more than 56 million who watched the president announce the killing of Osama bin Laden in May.
    Shortly after Obama closed his remarks, 27.2 million people watched the professional football’s NFL kick off its season. Nielsen said the season opener between the Saints and the Packers on NBC was the second most-watched NFL regular season primetime game on any one network in 15 years.


    More people watched the speech than the actual NFL kickoff game by about 4 million

  80. 80
    Elizabelle says:



  81. 81
    lamh32 says:

    @Valdivia: 2nd only to the Bin Laden speech.

  82. 82
    Garbo says:

    How can I see listing of all tags? I should like to make wallpaper or custom upholstery.

  83. 83
    Litlebritdifrnt says:

    @Raven (formerly stuckinred):

    Thanks. That helps. I don’t know how but it does.

  84. 84
    Rommie says:

    JC has the right to play Overlord on his blog – but I’d like to see what happens if the Front Page crew all told JC to go fornicate with himself, we’re making the categories we want to make. Even Tunch would hide in fear of that reaction…

  85. 85
    MikeJ says:

    @Garbo: It looks like all the tags that have ever been used on balloon-juice.com were used on this post. Categories are available in the drop down menu near the top on the right side. Cole’s complaint is that front pagers have been using categories (which are finite) for snark, when tags would have been a better choice. However nobody, not even JC himself, used tags here beofre this post.

  86. 86
    Valdivia says:

    @lamh32: awesome!!! thanks for the info.

  87. 87
    Litlebritdifrnt says:


    Holy treacle! That is impressive. I would have thought that the exact opposite was the case.

  88. 88
    GregB says:

    Wow! Just got the greatest balloon-job of my life.

    Thanks Bozo.

  89. 89
    gogol's wife says:


    No, no, no, don’t feel that way. I know it’s hard to avoid. I’ve felt, Oh my God, I waited too long to make that decision. We do our best.

  90. 90
    sukabi says:

    I suspect that John’s well aware that these matters are best dealt with via private conversations or over email…and if that was his true intent that’s what would have happened… and that these posts are more of a dispersion pool for some of the commenters that need some place to crap.

    at any rate, for those of you who have tried to do a search for a specific post using categories or tags or even the search function on this blog, good luck… you won’t find it. the search function is all but useless and there are too many category and tags to be useful…

  91. 91
    An Idiot says:

    To me, it seems redundant and confusing to have “tags” and “categories” as separate classes. I think it would be a lot easier to use if you just entered tags, and then any tag that’s been used at least 10 times (or some threshold to confirm it is actually a subject that’s written about with some regularity and isn’t just a one-off gag) would be considered a category, and those could be selected from the “categories” drop-down box.

    Of course, John didn’t make that design decision, someone writing code for WordPress did. So… FYWP, I guess.

  92. 92
    Paddy says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: It’s not your fault, but your sacred responsibility to help them leave in peace and dignity. That’s the deal we make when we let ourselves love them. I’ve had to make the decision for many old, dear friends, and I know (even though it hurt more than I ever expected, every time) that I did the right thing. It’s not your fault at all.

  93. 93
    Garbo says:

    @MikeJ: Thx. I think we need some Cafe Press items with our new text design, don’t you?

  94. 94
    Elizabelle says:

    The “FAQ” link has three items, the last of which is

    How the fuck did I end up here?!?


  95. 95
    Litlebritdifrnt says:

    @Paddy: Thanks Paddy, as with Raven’s comments this really helps. Now if I can just get it out of my damn head I will be fine.

  96. 96
    gelfling545 says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Oddly, sadly, the day after you posted your sad news my old kitty of 17 years, who had been in reasonable health – just a little slow & a bit senile- was obviously in dire condition when I got home. She had to be taken to the vet to be started along on her next journey. It’s hard to lose a friend of so many years.
    How thoughtful of your vet to acknowledge your grief in that way.

  97. 97
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    According to an entry a few down from that, Obama ended his Richmond speech this morning with a rousing “Let’s get to work!”

    I like that a LOT. Good slogan for the bill and the campaign.

  98. 98
    Dee Loralei says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: I’m sorry for your loss. It never does get easy.

    John, I can’t tell you how happy this post makes me. I’m cackling along with ABL, your response is just too damned funny.

  99. 99
    Valdivia says:


    I love that.

  100. 100
    Litlebritdifrnt says:


    I have a 16 year old Kitty who I know is going to be wandering over to the Rainbow Bridge here in the future. It breaks my heart, but I know that she has had a good life, just like I know Con did. He was 14 when he died. Considering that his life as a kitten was being taken to the pound,I think I can congratulate myself for his 14 good years.

  101. 101
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Hugs to you. Big hugs. It is really one of the toughest decisions any of us will ever be called on to make. {{I am so sorry}}

  102. 102
    Litlebritdifrnt says:

    @gelfling545: “had to be started on her next journey” yeah I know. It sucks.

  103. 103
    Villago Delenda Est says:


    According to an entry a few down from that, Obama ended his Richmond speech this morning with a rousing “Let’s get to work!”

    GOP response: “No, you get back to the cotton fields!”

  104. 104
    Sko Hayes says:

    @Raven (formerly stuckinred):
    Sometimes we’re selfish and keep our friends around a little longer than is good for them. I’ve done it myself, I put one very special dog to sleep at 17, and was shocked to notice on his record that the tech had written “very skinny!!” on his last visit. He’s always been a thin, active dog, but I simply didn’t see how much weight he had lost the last few months.
    One of my favorite things to send to people after they’ve lost a pet is called “The Last Will and Testament of An Extremely Distinguished Dog”, written by the playwright, Eugene O’Neill:
    An excerpt:

    I ask my Master and Mistress to remember me always, but not to grieve for me too long. In my life I have tried to be a comfort to them in time of sorrow, and a reason for added joy in their happiness.
    It is painful for me to think that even in death I should cause them pain. Let them remember
    that while no dog has ever had a happier life (and
    this I owe to their love and care for me), now that I have grown blind and deaf and lame, and even my sense of
    smell fails me so that a rabbit could be right under my nose and I might not know, my pride has sunk to a sick,
    bewildered humiliation. I feel life is taunting me with having over lingered my welcome. It is time I said good-by,
    before I become too sick a burden on myself and on those who love

  105. 105
    Sam Houston says:


  106. 106
    Triassic Sands says:

    We have a category titled ‘eh.’ WTF does that mean?

    Obviously, it’s shorthand for “meh.”

  107. 107
    chopper says:

    We even have one for resveratrol, and I can’t figure out if one of you made it or spammers have access to our code.

    tim f was blogging about red wine and resveratrol years ago here.

  108. 108
    lamh32 says:

    For comparison, over 30 million people watched the POTUS Jobs for America speech, but only a little over 6 million watched the GOP debate: 5.4 million.

    Boner vs Obama vis a vis speech-gate: Obama game, set, match = WIN!

  109. 109
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:


    From one cat lover to another, you have my condolences for losing a loved family member. The vet’s office was really kind in their gesture at your loss.

    Best wishes lil’ brit.

  110. 110
    Narcissus says:

    Who’s this “John Cole” dude?

  111. 111
    eemom says:

    Historians may one day recall this post.

    “Witnesses generally agree that the pivotal moment in the Juice Revolution occurred in early September 2011, when the aging, increasingly forgetful King Cole I revealed to the commentariat that the insurgents had taken control of the Categories — the Tags, of course, having long since defected to the more ambitious of the would-be usurpers. This revelation, together with the failed attempt by deranged Princess Laurie on the popular Lady of Angry Black, exacerbated the widespread unease caused by the inexorable advance of the dreaded Republican Pestilence of 2012; and all of these factors combined to convince the hapless, frightened commenters that, enjoyable as the ride had been thus far, there was, in fact, no one driving this blog….”

  112. 112
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Yeah, pretty much.

  113. 113
    Fulcanelli says:

    @eemom #112 – Chock full of win that one was.

    “Republican Pestilence” heh, I’ll be stealing that one.

  114. 114
    Dee Loralei says:

    @eemom: Hahaha too fucking funny. ^5 to you.

  115. 115


    Fate is driving this blog. That and industrial grade butthurt.

  116. 116
    Jebediah says:

    I’ve had to make that decision a few times. In my experience, you start second-guessing yourself less and less as time goes by, and start focusing more on the fact that your pet had a great life of being loved (and also being spared unnecessary suffering.) You’ll get there, but I think for you it is still way too recent. You did the right thing, even though it was really hard.

  117. 117
    Fulcanelli says:

    Remind me again why anyone would want the job of POTUS?

    No, really.

    Years ago maybe, but today?

  118. 118
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:


    Seriously, though, dude, WHY would you be making a FP post out of that, instead of a private email to your staff?

    Clearly, it’s code for “open thread.”

  119. 119
    aisce says:

    @ lamh32

    i realize you’re running a victory lap (for whatever reason), but 5.4 million people is a massive rating for a partisan debate a full year away from the election.

    wikipedia says that 2007 debates were only pulling in numbers half that:

    In an article published by Reuters, Nielsen Media Research indicated that the Democratic debate delivered the highest Nielsen ratings of any debate broadcasted on a cable news network among adults 18-34.[2] The debate had an average of 2.6 million viewers, which makes it the second-most-watched debate of the 2007 television season.[2] The Manchester, New Hampshire Democratic Debate that was held on June 3, 2007 received 2.8 million viewers.[2]


    are you sure it’s 5.4 million? seriously, that seems enormously high.

  120. 120
    licensed to kill time says:

    @Elizabelle: Hahahaha!

    The FAQ used to have a brief bio of John Cole and a few listless asst non sequiturs about the site. I guess people kept asking about Cole’s conversion, so he put it in the FAQ. Then it all disappeared and that section was just blank for a long time. Looks like a few peeps stumbled into it by mistake and left their versions of ‘Kilroy was here!’

    eta: I think this tag post is V. funny – I’d like a BJ t-shirt full of tags.

  121. 121
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @General Stuck: Those things are powering it. eemom is correct that no one is driving it.

  122. 122
    MikeJ says:

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): My assumption: when he posted it was 3 hours ago, almost 7pm on the east coast. As we approach that time in the west, I find myself +2 and suddenly realise, Cole must have been in this state lo those three hours ago.

  123. 123
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): There is no Open Thread tag on it.

  124. 124

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Absolutely, eemom is correct. Very much so.

  125. 125
    Fulcanelli says:

    Yup, I wanna be president of a country where this shit happens:

    “Female Vampire Busted For Trying To Eat Elderly Man

    Ye gods, we’re so fucked as a country.

    The fact that this kind of twisted shit happens in red states about 93% of the time isn’t even shocking anymore.

  126. 126
    Meredith says:

    I skip over the tags; I can’t wait to get to the comments.

  127. 127
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Might part of the reason Wednesday night’s numbers were so much higher than 2007 be that it was shown on broadcast (NBC) whereas article you cited was limited to cable channels.

    Well, that and clown show.

  128. 128
    Meredith says:

    I skip over the tags; I can’t wait to get to the comments.

  129. 129
    lamh32 says:


    No victory lap, sorry, just reported facts as it pertains to certain predictions made on this blog (of which you were one?) and elsewhere that “no one will watch the speech anyway”.

    These numbers prove those statements as false. So what is the problem with me pointing them out?

    BTW, I did provide a link to the article that gave the ratings for the debate.

    Also, it’s interesting, that in a comment that mentions that 30+ million people watched the POTUS speech, you chose to focus on the 5.4 million that watched GOP debate…actually it’s not really that interesting, it’s kinda seems to be your thing on most of these threads anyway.

  130. 130
    Poopyman says:

    To those commenters above me who are concerned that this post may have best been a private communication to other FPers, I’ll just point out that Cole’s most recent tweet (not in reply to another) was “I’m not wearing any pants” posted back at 7:30.

    IOW, I’m not worrying too much about this whole non-issue. It’s Friday night. Do you know where your blogdaddy is

  131. 131
    Jim C says:

    @JGabriel: I agree wholeheartedly. Then again, I can’t remember the last time Mme. Malkin was mentioned on the front pages.

    I remember a time when a certain prolific FPer tagged every single post “clown shoes”. Good times. These days, I don’t even pay attention to the categories, except when John gets ornery.

  132. 132
    Libby's Person says:


    I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I’ve had to do that twice in recent years, for very much loved dogs. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I mourned for months after each one. You’re right – having to make that decision was incredibly hard. I knew it was the right thing to do (an I worry that I should have done it a week or so sooner in both cases), but it hurt like hell.

    One way I worked through my grief was to make a memorial cloth (quilt/piecework) portrait for each dog. It gave me something to focus on, and let me change the picture in my head from that final moment to how they were in their prime.

    You were a good, kind, responsible pet parent; Con couldn’t have asked for a better caretaker.

  133. 133
    Raven (formerly stuckinred) says:

    @Sko Hayes: I did it once and I vowed never to do it again.

  134. 134
    Dee Loralei says:

    @Poopyman: Yea, usually when Cole isn’t nattering on here when he’s tipsy. he’s on the twitter machine being amusing. And he hasn’t tweeted about his pantslessness in over 2 hours.( This can’t end well.)

  135. 135
    aisce says:

    @ siubhanduinne

    i thought it was on msnbc, not network? i didn’t watch it, obviously, but i’m pretty sure it was msnbc.

    i think lamh has it half-wrong. it looks like both sides might have wrung extra momentum for their side from the scheduling flareup. either that or people are genuinely interested in seeing rick perry. i really hope it’s the former.

    @ lamh32

    but what’s your point? your ratings clearly show that 25mil+ people will watch the president no matter what he’s talking about. were you expecting otherwise?

    here’s the state of the union ratings for the last 4 years:

    2008(Bush): 38 mil
    2009(Obama): 52 mil
    2010: 48 mil
    2011: 43 mil

    so a sotu gets 40-50 mil, and a non-sotu gets 25-35 mil unless it involves killing the most notorious man alive. neato. so in other words, the speech got the exact rating history tells us it would. that’s not really news. people watch when the president talks.

  136. 136
    Alex S. says:

    You’re so adorable when you’re angry.

  137. 137
    aisce says:

    sorry, lamh, my emotional security isn’t invested in the president getting better ratings than a football game. in fact, had you not breathlessly brought it up (on multiple sites as is your wont, i’m sure), i would have gone through life happily not knowing or caring how many millions watched last night.

  138. 138

    Back in the dark ages when I was new to blogging I was told by someone who was supposedly an expert to make a tag for *everything* — ever person mentioned in a post, every possible category. This supposedly was so that people using the Great Gazoogle could find your post most easily. But that was back before I was using WordPress. Now that I’m on WordPress I realize what a terrible idea that was. There are five gajillion tags and none of them mean anything because categories is what matters, and I don’t even know the difference.

    So now I wish I’d come up with 5 tags and been done with it. After 7 years of blogging one accumulates a lot of tags.

  139. 139
    Alex S. says:

    There are probably too many tags to find the right one for each post. So each new post requires a new tag.

  140. 140
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Southern Beale: I was just fucking with you when I said that. Sorry.

  141. 141
    Johannes says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: I’m so sorry for your loss, and know how difficult a decision it must have been (La Caterina and I faced it once together). No magic slogan to get through this, but know that you put your Con’s comfort and quality of life first, and spared him suffering. Be good to yourself.

  142. 142
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Has anyone else had issues with Balloon Juice loading slowly since Cole did the Livestream thing during the speech last night?

    Also too, for someone who claims to be a complete misanthrope, doesn’t Cole seem to have a lot of people over for food and drinks?

  143. 143
    Dee Loralei says:

    I wanna know why he had his pants off 2 hours ago and has 10 drunk people there now, LOL

    @Omnes Omnibus:

  144. 144
    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: We had one of our dogs go from a brain tumor. She walked in circles until her paw was bloody until she hit a wall, then she stood with her head against the wall (head pressing, the vet called it). If we had let it go on, I guess you could say she would have died from natural causes and I know I would have felt infinitely worse.

    There are no good choices. As the vet told us, you have to think of your pet and do what’s best for him/her. Not what’s best for you. You made the right decision.

  145. 145
    Dave says:

    Jesus Christ, Cole, have you been paying attention to your own blog for the last six months? What on earth are you doing? Get a grip and a clue.

  146. 146

    All I got to say is that I think the blog needs basically just the one tag: Decline and Fall.

    But that conclusion may simply be the result of mixing antibiotics and tequila.

    There are nights when I really don’t leave any room to doubt I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

  147. 147

    so does this mean i won’t get to live my commenters dream, to one day see the tag “i wanna kiss her but, she won’t let me”

  148. 148
    different church-lady says:

    In which Cole practically invites FP’ers to invent new tags for no other reason than to get on his nerves.

  149. 149
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    I didn’t watch it either. But I know that the debate was co-sponsored by NBC (with, godshelpusall, Politico) so i assumed — perhaps unwisely — that NBC was the host channel. I could be wrong, in which case I apologize.

  150. 150
    Elizabelle says:

    @licensed to kill time:

    I’d like a BJ t-shirt full of tags.

    So would I. Great idea. Could raise money for pet charities, and for political causes too.


  151. 151
    fuckwit says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Madness?


  152. 152
    licensed to kill time says:


    Maybe we should bombard the FAQ with “Where’s our tag t-shirts?!” :)

  153. 153
    metalgirl says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: It’s possible that these are the ONLY cards the vet has to send. I’ll admit that when I had to put down my last cat about 15 years ago at a vet practice that I didn’t know very well (was new to the state), they sent me a very heart-felt sympathy card (hand written) that really spoke to the pain that I was feeling. Of course, they didn’t know me or my cat very well so I just assumed that there is some kind of “best practice” for doing these things as part of their training. Even if that is so, it didn’t diminish the comfort it gave me one little bit. I still have the card.

    I guess my point is that they may not have overheard what you said and may have actually tried to *not* listen as a way to compartmentalize this task.

    Sorry for your loss!

  154. 154
    Violet says:

    I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Such a hard decision, but you put your lovely Con first. You did the right thing. Hugs.

    As for this topic, there are tags? I never read the tags unless someone mentions them. I always forget they’re there.

  155. 155

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Oh, Lil’ Brit. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Con. You made the right decision, and you made it out of love. I hope Con visits you from time to time to let you know he’s all right. I’m sending him a white light on his journey to the other side.

    @Cole, Balloon Jobs MUST stay. It’s the category for BJers helping other BJers find jobs. Other than that, I have to agree with those who are cracking up at this post. Funny as hell.

    @Elizabelle: Oooooh! I’m in!

  156. 156
    Mary Jane says:

    Jersey Shore, up against the Republican debates, pulled in 7.4 mil. MSNBC had the most debate viewers, outnumbering both CNN and Fox.


    When comparing the numbers for Obama’s Thursday speech against those of a SOTU, one must take into consideration that the speech started at 4pm Pacific time, 5pm Mountain and 6pm Central. Most working folks weren’t even home, or barely getting settled in.

  157. 157



    I’m SO not “staff”.

  158. 158
    Jebediah says:

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall:

    I’m SO not “staff”.


  159. 159

    @Jebediah: Nice! One of my favorite words.

  160. 160
    piratedan says:

    @Jebediah: staff… no see Pole, Dancing…. may have more relevance for SP&T ;-)

  161. 161
    Tim F. says:

    I made ‘eh’ to tag posts aboot Canada, a LONG time ago. I stand by that decision. Also, resveratrol and malkinfreude as explained above. I made-up a new one today because we did not have a category that implies people getting off their ass and doing something. Balloon jobs makes good sense and lizard blogging is just another form of dog blogging.

    That said, if you want a list of unnecessary redundant or nonsensical categories I’d be happy to oblige. It has become a pain in the ass scrolling through the list to find the right one.

  162. 162



    That I will admit to, yes.

  163. 163
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: I’m so sorry to hear that. Sometimes the last gift we can give a beloved companion is surcease — like the old saying goes, it’s not what you want to give, it’s what they want (need) to get that makes the gift.

    There was one incident in my past where I let the Spousal Unit’s determination “to do everything medically possible” keep a beloved pet alive for some time after he was ready, even eager, to move on to his next adventure. Since that horrible experience, we’ve made a point of discussing each pet’s daily ups & downs as they inevitably proceed us to the Rainbow Bridge, to be clear that we’re acting for our friend’s needs and not our own. But you are so right, it never gets easier. May the excellent memories you & Con and the rest of your family shared eventually outweigh the burden of your sorrow in his loss!

  164. 164
    RandyH says:

    Oh john… Go get laid or something. Who the hell cares how many “categories” a database for a blog has in it.

    Sorry, friend. But there’s something else going on with you in the anal-retentive department, if you ask me.

  165. 165
    BarbF says:

    LOL! This is why I read this blog, John!

    You’re a hoot!

  166. 166
    harlana says:


    Jesus Christ, Cole, have you been paying attention to your own blog for the last six months? What on earth are you doing?


    This just made me realize he doesn’t know there are some BJ’rs who are unemployed and desperately seeking work b/c he doesn’t know what “Balloon Jobs” (of all things!) means. That sorta makes me haz a sad.

    Um, jobs, jobs, jobs. Let’s not forsake the BJ community and care a little for those who post here who are suffering the devastation of unemployment.

  167. 167
    gil mann says:

    John, have you tried crate-training your frontpagers?

  168. 168

    @gil mann:

    John, have you tried crate-training your frontpagers?

    Ah, now that brings back fond memories…

  169. 169
    ABL says:

    @eemom: ok, that’s funny.

  170. 170
    hrprogressive says:

    I was just on a comedy website a minute ago, and this post made me laugh harder than that site did.

    “Crab-Bucket Politics” Holy hell that’s funny.

    Keep up the “Old Man Yells at Cloud” posting style, it’s great for my laughing quota!

Comments are closed.