The Onion Once Again Reporting Hard News

It’s really come to this:

After months of heated negotiations and failed attempts to achieve any kind of consensus, President Obama turned 50 years old Thursday, drawing strong criticism from Republicans in Congress. “With the host of problems this country is currently facing, the fact that our president is devoting time to the human process of aging is an affront to Americans everywhere,” said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, who advocated a provision to keep Obama 49 at least through the fall of 2013. “To move forward unilaterally and simply begin the next year of his life without bipartisan support—is that any way to lead a country?” According to White House officials, Obama attempted to work with Republicans right up until the Aug. 4 deadline, but was ultimately left with no choice except to turn a year older.

Think this is over the top? Guess again:

Republicans have unleashed a barrage of criticism against the president for making the trip, accusing him of hypocrisy during tough economic times.

“With 9.2 percent unemployment, he could work on creating jobs, but I suppose the White House is thinking he should stick to the part of his job he really likes,” said RNC spokeswoman Kirsten Kukowski in an email statement.

GOP presidential front-runner Mitt Romney also took a swipe at Obama for the trip, publishing an online video Tuesday that highlights a spike in Chicago’s unemployment rate and falling housing prices over the past three years.

Administration officials have dismissed the criticism.

But both sides do it, doncha know!






55 replies
  1. 1

    How long before The Onion is a more trusted news source than Kaplan Test Prep Daily or NYT?

  2. 2
    Brian S says:

    Boy I picked the wrong day to stop concussing myself for fun.

  3. 3
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Phil Perspective: Noon.

  4. 4
    Typical Tea Bagger says:

    Somewhere in Kenya, 50 years ago, a village gave birth to an idiot.

  5. 5
    Mr Furious says:

    Didn’t those motherfuckers all just leave town for a month-long recess?

  6. 6
    Mr Furious says:

    If Obama was clearing brush, it’d be different.

  7. 7

    They’ve been doing better news reporting than most orthodox news sources at least since this article more than 10 years ago.

  8. 8
    Linnaeus says:

    But all those vacations that Dubya took? Not a problem.

  9. 9

    I get all my news from Jon Stewart, The Onion and the late Jon Swift.

  10. 10

    Wait–Wait–isn’t Congress on vacay with people working with out a deal? *BLANK STARE*

  11. 11
    chopper says:

    @Mr Furious:

    i know. how dare the president take a day off for his 50th birthday! he should be out doing work! on that note, i’m off for a month.

  12. 12
    Samara Morgan says:

    Cole.

    But both sides do it, doncha know!

    yet you support this eumeme by giving FP slots to glibertarians like Kain and de Bore.
    lets be honest here. you are pants-wetting afraid of the truth. we are not the same. A generous portion of the GOP base is made up of Team Reaver.
    The teabaggers would have gladly crashed the GLOBAL economy to get advantage in the ruins that would have resulted.
    That was their GOAL.

    Simon: I don’t understand.
    Zoe: You’ve never heard of Reavers?
    Simon: Well, campfire stories of men gone savage on the edge of space, killing and—
    Zoe: They’re not stories.
    Simon: What happens if they board us?
    Zoe: If they take the ship, they’ll rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we’re very very lucky, they’ll do it in that order.

  13. 13
    Tomjones says:

    I remember that one time, President Bush visited his Crawford ranch, and people were like, “How dare you visit your ranch! People somewhere in the country are suffering!”

    Oh wait, that that never happened.

    But I do seem to recall that Bush visited home and received a briefing once, something about terrorists determined to attack America with highjacked planes.

    So both sides do it. Or something.

  14. 14
    lacp says:

    No suggestions, of course, as to how he should be creating those jobs. Then again, creating the kind of jobs Republicans think are suitable for the little people is pretty easy: eat a lot of fiber and wait.

  15. 15

    @Mr Furious:

    Didn’t those motherfuckers all just leave town for a month-long recess?

    You don’t actually expect them to be consistent and non-hypocritical, do you? Besides, they’re technically not going into recess. They’re leaving a few people in Washington to hold pro forma sessions so Obama can’t make any recess appointments. You wouldn’t want all those Federal Agencies to have leaders, you know, or they might actually do something.

  16. 16
    lacp says:

    @Samara Morgan: Yeah, I sorta remember that old Monkees’ song. How did it go exactly? “…a day dream Team Reaver and a homecoming queen?” Something like that.

  17. 17

    @Roger Moore: Besides, they’re technically not going into recess.

    They’re just going to go run around the playground pulling each others’ hair.

  18. 18
    The Moar You Know says:

    I laughed harder at the real GOP statement than the Onion version.

    We’re boned.

  19. 19
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Roger Moore:

    SNL pretty much nailed it about the same time, with two visions of American after the November 2000 election:

    Al Gore conducting a class via a Presidential address on basic econ.

    George W. Bush talking about how the “big tit building” was on fire with a panorama of Washington in flames behind him.

  20. 20
    Nick says:

    Point taken, but am I the only one that thinks some of the coverage of his birthday, particualry the Facebook posts to his offical account, are a bit Dear Leader-ish?

    “Today is President Obama’s 50th birthday, so we’re asking supporters like you to sign his birthday card and share why you’re part of this campaign.

    “Your names and notes will become part of a book that tells the story of this campaign — who’s building it, why we’re a part of this, and what President Obama means to us. We’ll deliver a copy to the President and send one to our campaign offices across the country…

    http://www.facebook.com/barackobama

  21. 21

    to be fair, i think obama might persuaded to consider the gop proposal of an age freeze. being able to postpone the yearly prostate exams, would be the clincher.

    (no pun intended)
    (i am lying)

  22. 22
    shortstop says:

    Marine One distracted me last night as it flew directly overhead while I was trying to get a proposal drafted.

    Now, I’m not saying Obama compromises productivity. I’m just saying Bush never flew over my Chicago condo when he was president.

  23. 23
    NonyNony says:

    @Phil Perspective:

    How long before The Onion is a more trusted news source than Kaplan Test Prep Daily or NYT?

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    @Phil Perspective: Noon.

    Well, maybe noon a couple of months back as far as the Kaplan Test Prep Daily goes. And it’s been more of a respected Journal Of Opinion for longer.

  24. 24
    Comrade Javamanphil says:

    “With 9.2 percent unemployment, he could work on creating jobs, but I suppose the White House is thinking he should stick to the part of his job he really likes because the GOP sure as hell isn’t going to do anything about it, Bwahahahahaha,” said RNC spokeswoman Kirsten Kukowski in an email statement.

    FTFY, Kirsten.

  25. 25
    danimal says:

    @Samara Morgan: Oh noes, diversity on the front page. Hide the women and children, lock the doors, board up the windows. We need epistemic closure on the left ASAP!!!

    If I didn’t know better, I’d suspect the ghost of m_c is haunting us.

  26. 26
    tomjones says:

    @Nick: Sounds like typical campaign boilerplate to me, but YMMV.

    ETA: I see what you mean about the “what he means to us” part of the post. However, I got this same message in an e-mail that was purportedly from Michelle Obama, so it’s not quite as bad in that context.

  27. 27
    danimal says:

    @Roger Moore: Is there some kind of devilry that can be done while the Congress is in session this month. Since all the Republicans will be gone, (except the poor schmo they get to bang the gavel twice a week), can anything legislative be proposed or voted on? I wonder what would happen if 180 Dems unexpectedly appeared for one of the ‘pro-forma’ meetings?

  28. 28
  29. 29
    Citizen_X says:

    With 9.2 percent unemployment, he could work on creating jobs

    Wait a minute…we have an unemployment problem?

    Strangely enough, I would have sworn–from all the screaming these last few months–that our only economic problem was the deficit. Besides, no government has ever created jobs, right, Repubs?

  30. 30

    @Nick:

    Point taken, but am I the only one that thinks some of the coverage of his birthday, particualry the Facebook posts to his offical account, are a bit Dear Leader-ish?

    No, you’re not the only one by any means. I find it fairly creepy and wish they’d tone it down a lot.

  31. 31
  32. 32
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Roger Moore:

    Agreed. It plays to this idiotic meme that the wingtards push about Obama being “the Messiah” which is one I have never bought into, but the wingtards certainly always have with that amiable dunce Reagan.

  33. 33
    Samara Morgan says:

    @lacp: day dream believer. well the GOP are magical thinkers.

    and i only got 2 votes for homecoming queen in highschool.
    i was elected Rebel With A Cause.

  34. 34

    @danimal:

    Is there some kind of devilry that can be done while the Congress is in session this month.

    I don’t think so. In the Senate, having one Republican around will be enough to prevent unanimous consent on anything, and it would then require 60 votes for cloture to bring anything to a vote. In the House, I don’t think there are enough Democrats to make a quorum, and in any case they can’t discharge any bills from committee because committee meetings can only be called by their Republican chairs. As much as I despise the Republicans for doing this, the Democrats were just as aggressive in using procedural crap like this to keep Bush from making recess appointments.

  35. 35
    Maude says:

    The poor Republicans have nothing to pick on with Obama and so they are busy finding tiny things to complain about. None of this is sticking.
    People are worried about their futures which look bleak. The Republicans aren’t doing diddly to help.

  36. 36

    @Nick: Point taken, but am I the only one that thinks some of the coverage of his birthday, particualry the Facebook posts to his offical account, are a bit Dear Leader-ish?

    Meh. The world has always been full of people who kiss the ass of authority.

    I agree that it’s pathetic for OFA itself to beg for comments, but the act of posting comments itself just looks like standard-faire primate sycophancy.

  37. 37
    danimal says:

    @Maude: The Republicans are doing a lot of self-inflicted damage. They are absorbing a lot of body blows; the damage may not show right away in the polls, but by playing dangerous fiscal games of chicken and promoting petty shots at presidential birthday parties, they are proving themselves unworthy of their position, especially to independents and the remnant of sane Republicans.

    The American people expect more from their representatives.

  38. 38
    Felinious Wench says:

    If Obama doesn’t get to have birthdays, neither do the members of Congress.

    We’re all on this together, right?

    *cough, cough*

  39. 39
    Downpuppy says:

    Seems Romney has forgotten his term as Governor of New Hampshire & Iowa. He used to travel to Massachusetts every month or 2 for vacations.

  40. 40
    b-psycho says:

    GOP presidential front-runner Mitt Romney also took a swipe at Obama for the trip, publishing an online video Tuesday that highlights a spike in Chicago’s unemployment rate and falling housing prices over the past three years.

    Because Obama has the same influence or greater on the conditions of Chicago than, y’know, their fucking city council, simply because he’s from there…

  41. 41
    TenguPhule says:

    If Obama would light fifty GOP douches as human bonfires to celebrate, I think that’s something we could all get behind.

  42. 42

    @Felinious Wench: If Obama doesn’t get to have birthdays, neither do the members of Congress.
    __
    We’re all on this together, right?

    `I mean,’ she said, `that one can’t help growing older.’

    `One can’t, perhaps,’ said Humpty Dumpty, `but two can. With proper assistance, you might have left off at seven.’

  43. 43
    Kathy in St. Louis says:

    If only Obama had a place to go that Republicans wouldn’t make negative comments about. Perhaps a ranch in Texas, where he could go for the entire month of August to cut down brush. Wait a minute, wrong president. I don’t want the GOP accusing me of “false equivalencies”.

  44. 44
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @b-psycho:

    If they’re going to blame him for Chicago’s high unemployment rate, they should credit him with Hawaii’s UE of 6.0% since he’s from there too.

  45. 45
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Nick:

    Yes, because nothing says “opposing the Republicans” like adopting their talking points that it’s somehow shameful for the president to have a birthday.

    I don’t understand why we insist on ceding points to the right wing over and over again and then bitch and moan when Obama does the same thing. Is it that Obama’s supposed to do what we say and not what we do?

  46. 46

    @Nick: Your concern is noted…

  47. 47
    Sloegin says:

    Actually, the President’s birthday isn’t on Thursday, he just gave into Republican demands that it happen on that day.

    *Paraphrased from the joke on KEXP this morning.

  48. 48
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    What’s the unemployment rate in Mombassa? Isn’t that very evidently his fault too?

  49. 49
    b-psycho says:

    @Kathy in St. Louis: Somehow I doubt they’d have a problem if Obama left the white house to go pick cotton.

    At least until he came back.

  50. 50
    Quiddity says:

    Right now on Fox Nation they are complaining that Obama is more focused on his 50th birthday than the markets.

    Dow Plunges, Obama Parties

  51. 51
    Ash Can says:

    @Quiddity: Well hey, Dubya partied while New Orleans drowned, so both sides do it.

  52. 52
    SectarianSofa says:

    @Samara Morgan:
    LOLWHAT?

    @Quiddity:

    Right now on Fox Nation they are complaining that Obama is more focused on his 50th birthday than the markets.

    I like how evil socia1ist puppet Obama has such mental superpowers that if he stops concentrating on the markets, they tank. Can’t win with F’ers.

  53. 53
    Kathleen says:

    The Onion reports more “reality” than all of the other American Media Whore outlets put together. I’m surprised the Rethugs didn’t question that it was really Obama’s birthday, given the birth certificate question and all.

  54. 54
    handy says:

    @Mnemosyne:

    Man the groupthink here sometimes is precious. Nick thinks O’s fb update on his bd is a little creepy and you run with the “Stop using their tactics!” meme?

  55. 55
    handy says:

    @SectarianSofa:

    LOLWHAT?

    Okay so it isn’t just me.

Comments are closed.