It’s The End of the World As We Know It

Rapture? I was there for the Rapture and all I got was this shitty t-shirt:

I’ve signed up for the rapture looting party on facebook and am willing to inherit rapture abandoned pets. My favorite quote about the rapture was when I was talking to my brother (another atheist) a few moments ago, and I told him “You know tonight is the rapture?”

He looked at me and said “Really? Boy, I hope they take those people.”

I lol’d. Then fixed us both another mojito.

Enjoy your last moments on Earth, godless heathens.

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159 replies
  1. 1
    wobblybits says:

    My contribution from this morning: Soundgarden

  2. 2
    lamh34 says:

    Damn rapture. I finally decide to lose some damn weight and the freakin’ rapture happens

    Who the hell wants to diet and exercise when we are gonna die any damn way? My as well go out eatin’ ur fav foods.

    I tell ya what, this shit better happen, or I’m gonna be sooo pissed.

  3. 3
    mellowjohn says:

    “and i feel fine.”

  4. 4
    Hawes says:

    To be accurate, the Godless Heathen will remain on earth.

    It’s all the godly busybodies who will ascend to heaven, aptly defined by the Talking Heads as “a place where nothing ever happens.”

  5. 5
    lamh34 says:

    Oh, and I have this pointed arc of pain in my heel, that comes and goes intermittently…pinched nerve????

  6. 6
    South of I-10 says:

    I’m eating hummus and drinking wine. Bring it on.

  7. 7
    dsc says:

    from the LA Times:

    Camping reads neither Hebrew nor Greek, the two main languages of the Bible, but insists his arithmetic is ironclad. He calculates that God gave humanity 7,000 years to prepare for its destiny, just as Noah had seven days to prepare for the flood, and that May 21 is the terminus of human history if one counts time by the Jewish calendar.

    In other words, Camping is just making shit up.

  8. 8
    Doug Harlan J says:

    Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs!

  9. 9
    JGabriel says:

    John Cole @ Top:

    I’ve signed up for the rapture looting party on facebook …

    I live in one of those cities chock full of godless sinners. Sadly, there will be no looting here, for none of us will be raptured — we’re all going to hell.

    .

  10. 10
    MattR says:

    @wobblybits: You seen the Peter Frampton version?

    @lamh34:

    Oh, and I have this pointed arc of pain in my heel, that comes and goes intermittently…pinched nerve????

    I believe this is the first sign the Rapture is nigh.

  11. 11
    Daddy-O says:

    My favorite line to implode the Jesus Gang’s insistence on the Rapture:

    How do you know it hasn’t ALREADY HAPPENED? Hmm?

    Works every time. And if they’re lucky, it’s the first time they’ve ever used their brains in years.

  12. 12
    long ago says:

    Started watching the blondie video.

    Did guys really dance that badly back then?

    I mean–these are guys *in a video*. They didn’t just wander in off the street, somebody intentionally filmed them dancing in that horrible clunky fashion. Just some atrocious lack of coordination.

    The past is a foreign discotheque.

  13. 13
    Little Boots says:

    I love thread. I really do.

  14. 14
    beltane says:

    I’m OK if those people get raptured away, but really, I do not want their stuff. I already have enough yard sale crap in my house, no need to acquire anyone else’s.

    When Jeebus takes you people away it will be another story. Someone in the Open Thread said he had soapstone countertops. If he is raptured are his soapstone countertops fair game?

  15. 15
    Suffern ACE says:

    I’m planning on working through the fact that I wasn’t chosen with a cherry rhubarb crisp that is currently in the oven. I also have a jar of homemade maraschino cherries left over from last week if someone would like to join me for a drink…

  16. 16
    gnomedad says:

    From pourmecoffee on Facebook:

    RT @andylevy: Fellow East Coasters, remember, no #Rapture spoilers tomorrow for the folks out west.

    It’s already Saturday in the Middle East. What time zone would Jesus use?

  17. 17
    PurpleGirl says:

    @Daddy-O: I like how you think… just a little bit of evil there.

  18. 18
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Camping reminds me of a guy that PZ blogged about, who assured his followers that the entire “end of the world in 2012” thing, based on the Mayan calendar, is not valid.

    Because the numerology involved is not “biblically based”.

    Uh huh.

  19. 19
    Little Boots says:

    and I do love this site.

  20. 20
    Brother Shotgun of Sweet Reason says:

    @long ago: The guys in the video are the band members. You can tell because they’ve all got Musician’s Body. And they can’t dance.

  21. 21
    South of I-10 says:

    @gnomedad: I was thinking GMT? But who knows?

  22. 22
    martha says:

    We’re driving to a family gathering tomorrow in western WI and we always take the long way through Amish country. This drive will be fun tomorrow…even more dissonant than usual.

  23. 23
    Spaghetti Lee says:

    @gnomedad:

    Murrikan time zones, of course. And I’d guess Mountain, because that’s where Colorado Springs is and such.

  24. 24
    JGabriel says:

    @beltane:

    I’m OK if those people get raptured away, but really, I do not want their stuff.

    I can understand why you wouldn’t want the Jesus kitsch, but don’t you want one of those crocheted hats they all seem to keep a spare roll of toilet paper in?

    .

  25. 25
    beltane says:

    @long ago: They’re supposed to be raptured zombies, complete with a satanic goat. Of course they’re going to be a little clunky. Besides, pre-MTV music videos like this tend to be somewhat lacking in production values.

  26. 26
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Current multi slot ad on BJ: “Discover how Liberalism destroys Peoples and Nations.”

    That explains why the United States was destroyed in 1787 by liberals, for example.

  27. 27
    PPOG Penguin says:

    @gnomedad: “What time zone would Jesus use?” I recall reading that the chap was predicting “6pm local time,” and has been saying that he plans to spend the day by the TV watching the reports as they come in. So presumably people are getting raptured by time zone, kind of the way they board airplanes by row.

  28. 28
    MattR says:

    @gnomedad: @South of I-10: I thought I read that it had been calculated to 6pm Eastern time.

    wibblybits – Or how about a Jazz version from the Brad Mehldau Trio?

    @Little Boots: Did I miss a Tunch puic?

  29. 29
    Little Boots says:

    ya know what I love about this site. (no you don’t, but I will tell you.) enough with the cats already. thank you all.

  30. 30
    JGabriel says:

    @martha:

    We’re driving to a family gathering tomorrow in western WI and we always take the long way through Amish country.

    So, instead of abandoned cars, you’ll have to swerve around abandoned buggies? Pack straw & salt licks, so you have something to lure the horses off the road.

    .

  31. 31
    fasteddie9318 says:

    I get not wanting to loot a lot of Jesus kitch, but what if the Prosperity Theology people are right? I’d be in to looting their places.

  32. 32
    jane from hell says:

    I’m going for the nice liquor. It’ll be too hard to fight punks like yall for the good drugs.

  33. 33
    PPOG Penguin says:

    @PPOG Penguin: Found where I read it. “He says he will spend Saturday with his wife, close to a TV or radio. ‘I’ll be interested in what’s happening on the other side of the world as this begins,’ he told Reuters.”

  34. 34
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    I was still at the office at 7:30 and the only other person there stopped by my desk on his way out, looked at me in amazement, and said “Your last day on earth and you’re working late!? On a *Friday*?”

  35. 35
    beltane says:

    @JGabriel: I’ll pass on the kitchy toilet paper roll cover, but I could really use another vacuum cleaner.

    And if people are going to be raptured by time zone, doesn’t that make it very much like New Year’s Eve. Will there be live entertainment at this event?

  36. 36
    MattR says:

    @PPOG Penguin: So, apparently I don’t know shit about the rapture. Shucks.

  37. 37
    Jeffro says:

    I love how it must be exactly 7,000 years – we never really lose our affinity for nice, big, round numbers, do we? =)

    O/T but sorta not: was in the mood for some Mother Love Bone when I got back in tonight…third track in is “Holy Roller”. LOL

  38. 38
    Petorado says:

    With any luck, this will be Peak Jeebusnut, but I’m not holding my breath.

    Lots of fun to be had on Twitter with the #rapturepickuplines hashtag. In a true sign of endtimes Chuck Todd has the killer line “Let’s do it like there’s tomorrow.”

  39. 39
    Spaghetti Lee says:

    In all honesty, what do you think the odds are of some horribly disappointed fundie blowing up a building tomorrow, either out of rage against the heavens or an attempt to hurry the whole rapture thing along? I’d normally say “very low”, but passions seem to be running very high in the fundie community about this.

  40. 40
    Boudica says:

    @lamh34: Maybe plantar fasciitis?

  41. 41
    Little Boots says:

    @Little Boots:

    oh that was kinda funny.

    You are all so cliquish.

  42. 42
    Boudica says:

    @Jeffro: Does Camping take into account all the screwing around with the calendars that the Romans (and others) did? Not that I really care…..

  43. 43
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Matthew 13:30 Let both grow together until the harvest: and in the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the wheat into my barn.

    This is what I call The Rapture Surprise.

  44. 44
    freelancer says:

    I like the “Rapture Veteran” T-shirts.

    Also, this Christian fundie teen show decided to punk their friend by making her think she wasn’t raptured when everyone else was. Priceless.

  45. 45
    JGabriel says:

    @PPOG Penguin:

    … presumably people are getting raptured by time zone, kind of the way they board airplanes by row.

    That explains the whole “only 144,000 will be raptured” thing. The pearly gates can only process 6000 per hour, or 100 per minute.

    You’d think they could move a little faster, but apparently St. Peter never upgraded the computer network beyond Novell 386. God told him: Do more with less. Typical Republican.

    .

  46. 46
    martha says:

    @JGabriel: Yep. I’ll be sure to bring some carrots and apples along with the adult beverages. We’ll never be too far from a little town with a tavern or three.

  47. 47
    Stillwater says:

    My God, that’s the worst video I’ve ever seen! Is this what caused the apocalypse?

  48. 48
    Little Boots says:

    so much bitter. I do not understand these people.

  49. 49
    Elliecat says:

    This story in the NYT about families being messed up by all this made me sad.

    “I don’t really have any motivation to try to figure out what I want to do anymore,” [14 yo kid] said, “because my main support line, my parents, don’t care.”

    His mother said she accepted that believers “lose friends and you lose family members in the process.”

    “I have mixed feelings,” Ms. Haddad Carson said. “I’m very excited about the Lord’s return, but I’m fearful that my children might get left behind. But you have to accept God’s will.”

    Imagine being those kids.

  50. 50
    hildebrand says:

    It had better not be 6:00pm Eastern, as Dr. Who is on at 9:00, and I am really digging this season. Last week’s episode was outstanding.

  51. 51
    Spaghetti Lee says:

    What’s with all the people in here dissing Blondie? They’re the ones bound for hell, I’ll tell ya that.

  52. 52
    Little Boots says:

    @Spaghetti Lee:

    bout time someone said it. and this is a very mean thread, besides.

  53. 53
    fasteddie9318 says:

    @Spaghetti Lee:

    In all honesty, what do you think the odds are of some horribly disappointed fundie blowing up a building tomorrow, either out of rage against the heavens or an attempt to hurry the whole rapture thing along? I’d normally say “very low”, but passions seem to be running very high in the fundie community about this.

    Nah, fundie Christians don’t have suicidal tendencies. Sure, they’d like to see themselves and everyone else around them die to hasten the arrival of Superman or whoever, but doing it themselves would deprive them of their few remaining years of eating lard pies and bitching about how the Negroes keep oppressing them.

  54. 54
    hildebrand says:

    Of course, if you actually dig into the Greek, it seems as those ‘taken’ are not going to be quite as happy as they might think.

    All in all, the rapture (foolishness from the 19th century fringe evangelicals in the US) is perfectly suited to most of these yahoos – it espouses grotesque selfishness and short-sightedness. Perfect.

  55. 55
    honus says:

    I thought it was supposed to happen in the middle of the Preakness tomorrow. I’m hoping the Stones will be playing in hell when I get there.

  56. 56
    General Stuck says:

    I think you have it backasswards Cole. It is us godless heathens, at least without the baptist approved god. that have to stick around and read Corner Stone comments for the thousand year tribulation. I might start dunkin’ for that bottle worm again, just like CS.

    The Godly saved ones think they are headed for some kind of paradise, but I bet they end up at am allnight shopping mall in Tulsa.

  57. 57
    Joseph Nobles says:

    Are there any TV stations that will be covering the Rapture across the time zones, a la Santa’s sleigh tracker? Because they would become my lifelong default local station, even if it was FOX.

  58. 58
    MattR says:

    @fasteddie9318: Someone who went all Steve Buscemi in Armageddon and borrowed $50K to enjoy their last week on earth in style, that’s the guy you have to watch out for.

    Not sure if I should admit that my surfing took me here, but enjoy Poison by Bell Biv Devoe.

  59. 59

    i’m planning on doing some tailgating at old-timey christian church on sunday morning.

    i love it when the fire and brimstone preachers go off script, and if there was ever a time when they shouldn’t be prepared….

    also too, i imagine the “happy to see you, glad you made it service” exchanges in the parking lot, have probably never been more passive-agressive than they will be on sunday.

    of course if any of these old timey churches had a sense of humor, they would get about 2/3rds of the congregation together, to stay home, with the windows shut and the lights off, and scare the fuck out of the other 1/3rd. its what i would do, what they won’t do, and only the latest reason i’m
    not them.

    as to looting plans, um…yeah, i’m pretty sure the cops, the media, and the criminal justice system will still be here, so i am not going to refer to any malice aforethought.

  60. 60
    gravie says:

    Honest to god — no deeper meaning intended — I didn’t know about any of this until we were invited to an End of the World Party by our lesbian neighbors across the street. Needless to say, everyone there tomorrow night intends to stick around Post-Rapture. We’re a pretty secular neighborhood; I’ve been trying to identify potential Rapturites and really can only come up with one or two households.

  61. 61
    JGabriel says:

    @hildebrand:

    It had better not be 6:00pm Eastern, as Dr. Who is on at 9:00 …

    Bittorrent is your friend. A pirate site will have it online about 5-10 minutes after it airs in Britain. Download and watch it before the end times hit the east coast, and you’re, uh, good to go. You gotta figure that either it’s too late for Jeebus to take you off the list, or you’re going to hell anyway, so there’s nothing to lose.

    I mean, do you really think RIAA has an inside line to god?

    .

  62. 62
    Janes K Polk, Esq. says:

    Tonight is the night for the best pickup line ever: “Hey baby, you don’t want to spend your last night alone, do you?”

    Personally, I’m shooting for a heathen orgy myself!

  63. 63
    MattR says:

    @Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal:

    of course if any of these old timey churches had a sense of humor, they would get about 2/3rds of the congregation together, to stay home, with the windows shut and the lights off, and scare the fuck out of the other 1/3rd. its what i would do, what they won’t do, and only the latest reason i’m not them.

    ROTFLMAO.

    as to looting plans, um…yeah, i’m pretty sure the cops, the media, and the criminal justice system will still be here, so i am not going to refer to any malice aforethought

    I thought there was a clause in the Constitution making all laws null and void once the Rapture occus.

  64. 64
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @JGabriel:

    I mean, do you really think RIAA has an inside line to god?

    If the deity in question is Mammon, then I think it likely.

    Keep in mind that the RIAA is really big on collecting the royalties, but takes their bloody time actually paying royalties out to the rightful owners if they think they can get away with it. Vile middlemen, they are.

  65. 65
    Cat Lady says:

    Obligatory rapture FAIL vid. I wish I had a pick up truck and blow up dolls to fuck people up tomorrow. Oh well, there will always be a next time.. Suckers!

  66. 66
    jake the snake says:

    In honor of “Ole Man River”, my favorite Johnny Cash song.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....detailpage

    “Dump my blues down in the Gulf” along with a lot
    of people’s stuff.

  67. 67
    Jennifer says:

    I was gonna write a handy guide for telling the difference between the Rupture and the Zombie Apocalypse (since they do share common features) and post it over at my joint, but once I found out that the CDC had posted a guide for preparedness for the Zombie Apocalypse, I gave up and posted about that instead. But probably their advice for ZA preparedness would be just as good for the Rupture, so there is that.

  68. 68
    ruemara says:

    @Boudica:

    I’m sure he applies scientific principles and historical facts in his calculation of the Rapture.

  69. 69
    lamh34 says:

    Well damn best thing about Eat Pray Love is javier Bardem. Dude is mcho client., since the rapture is upon us, is it too late fo request Javier Bardem pre-rapture activity?

    Are u there God, it’s me lamh? Can I haz Javier Bardem now …Plz

  70. 70
    jake the snake says:

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Keep in mind that the RIAA is really big on collecting the royalties, but takes their bloody time actually paying royalties out to the rightful owners if they think they can get away with it. Vile middlemen, they are.

    Reminds me of something Fred Pohl said about the old pulp magazine payments, “2 Cents a word, promptly paid upon threat of lawsuit”

  71. 71
    General Stuck says:

    My guess is God changed his mind and put up the no vacancy sign on Heaven. So we are all stuck on this spinning rock, for bad or worse – hurtling toward nothing coming from nothing. We do have the internet, so we can say stupid stuff to the rest of the world.

    edit – and I thank the idiots who made it possible to pull up that Blondie clip, she was heaven to look at, back in the day.

  72. 72
    Jewish Steel says:

    Dear Jehovah,

    Please especially rapture Sergio Santos who has now given up 2 runs in the 10th.

    Thx!

  73. 73

    i’m just waiting for “the tide is high” to get some love.

  74. 74
    kdaug says:

    @Little Boots: Shush it Boots – Cats R Cool.

    I just finished watching “Zombieland” again (Netflix streaming). Best hilarious post-apocalyptic yadda, yadda, yadda. If you ain’t seen it, do yourself the favor.

    I might be a little subpar on Rule #1, but I think I’m clear on the rest. Thank God for rednecks.

  75. 75
    Stillwater says:

    Anyone know why God chose … right now (in the eastern time zones, check local listings) to finally get off his ass and clean up this mess?

  76. 76
    Sideshow Bill says:

    Rapture tomorrow? Jesus freaks flying to heaven? Sounds like a duck hunt.

  77. 77
    lamh34 says:

    @lamh34: damn IPhone spell check…that should say Javier Bardem is mucho caliente!

  78. 78
    kdaug says:

    @hildebrand: That was the one with the holographic doctor who could keep the patients alive but couldn’t heal them, no?

  79. 79
    JGabriel says:

    Sideshow Bill:

    Jesus freaks flying to heaven? Sounds like a duck hunt.

    Rapture Skeet Shoot!

    .

  80. 80
    kdaug says:

    @Sideshow Bill: I’ll bring the pixelated hound dog.

  81. 81
    eemom says:

    Jesus H.Q. Christ, Sir and Lord.

    As I mentioned this morning, would it KILL you people to hold off on the Rapture jokes until Sunday? Have you never heard of hubris? Do you have any idea how stoopid we’re all gonna look if God and Jesus are reading this blog, get fed up and go, “Fuck this shit. Saddle the Horsemen.”

  82. 82
    JGabriel says:

    @JGabriel:

    Rapture Skeet Shoot!

    If I wasn’t already going to hell, I surely am now.

    .

  83. 83
    Xecky Gilchrist says:

    @beltane: I already have enough yard sale crap in my house, no need to acquire anyone else’s.

    Not a problem! Remember, you can have their house, too.

  84. 84

    @JGabriel:

    yeah, but i am sure hell is like anything else, sucks for most, pretty decent with the right connections, and you might just have gotten yourself on the right side of the velvet rope.

  85. 85
    Barb (formerly Gex) says:

    I’m feeling really happy about the MN flap this morning. It’s good to know that people who approve of incarcerating or killing gays actually give the MN GOP some pause…

    MN Marriage Amendment Vote Less Certain

    And yeah, ditto what your brother said.

  86. 86
    gern blanston says:

    A thinking man would have requested all available funds from the believers, who would, if their faith was true, give up all their worldly goods.

  87. 87
    Jeffro says:

    @Boudica: I bet it’s safe to say he didn’t…that would require, y’know, work and research and all…totally not necessary when he has The Word to go on.

    Q: when people are Raptured, do their mortgages revert to short sales, or are the bankstas left hanging? I mean, people won’t even be able to mail in their keys and walk away. What about all the various Wall Street derivatives and options and calls and puts and what not? Do those still go through, or does the Holy Invisible Hand itself get raptured?

    I’m just trying to figure out if I will need to switch to a barter economy tomorrow morning, not to mention come up with a whole new way to ‘provide liquidity’ in my neighborhood once my Galtian/Rapturian betters have vacated the premises…

  88. 88
  89. 89
    Glen Tomkins says:

    Sorry to rain on everyone’s parade, but even if the Rapture is tomorrow, it’s not going to be millions of those losers, it’s only going to be 144,000 taken, and all Jews. It will be 12,000 from each of the 12 tribes of Israel, so Christians from Gentile nations, those who don’t happen to be of Jewish descent (and those lost tribes have got to be somewhere), are basicly screwed. Look it up, Rev 7:3-8. That’s what these idiots get for ascribing literal truth to scriptures written when the followers of Christ were mostly Jewish, a sect of Judaism.

    Not that any of this is relevant to tomorrow’s non-event. Rev 17:10-11 gives us the key to the literal truth of the events described in Revelations. The Beast, the Anti-Christ, is literally identified, no mysteries, no room for fanciful, figurative or metaphorical interpretations, as the eighth Roman emperor. Now, two of the early ones had very short reigns, as there was a Year of Four Emperors in the confusion following Nero’s assassination, so there could be some controversy on exactly who emperor #8 was, but any such reckoning has #8 already dead and buried by the time Revelations first appeared. Revelations doesn’t describe the future. It describes past events, events already in the past by the day it found its first reader.

    The Rapture, and every other event described in Revelations, no matter how they are to be understood (and understanding them as fortune-telling is not one of the ways that is available), happened over 2,000 years ago. All of history since then has taken place in the Left Behind world. That includes the formation of the New Testament, and thus the entire history of Christianity as an organized religion.

  90. 90
  91. 91
    Barb (formerly Gex) says:

    By the way, you guys all rock. I’ve had a shitty, shitty day. And you made me laugh. Thank you!

  92. 92
    Jewish Steel says:

    and all Jews.

    Woo-hoo! In your face, gentiles!

    Cho-sen! Cho-sen! Cho-sen!

  93. 93

    @eemom:

    i’ll never accuse you of not knowing what its like to be a straight man.

  94. 94
    JGabriel says:

    @Jeffro:

    What about all the various Wall Street derivatives and options and calls and puts and what not? Do those still go through, or does the Holy Invisible Hand itself get raptured?

    You’re delusional. No one from Wall St. is gonna be raptured. It’s a law in NYC that all bibles have to be soaked in flame retardant because they kept bursting into fireballs every time a trader had to take an oath.

    .

  95. 95
    joeyess says:

    Have the massive earthquakes begun, or is there an actual countdown to this nonsense?

  96. 96
    scav says:

    @kdaug: No, Doctor’s Wife (hold the spoilers) you’re thinking the pirate one.

    ETA: Even in the face of Apocalypse, no spoilers for Who.

  97. 97
    Gordon, the Big Express Engine says:

    Bumper sticker in my neighborhood:

    In case of Rapture, this car will be unmanned.

  98. 98
    Steeplejack says:

    Night shift checking in. Just got home from work, which has been horrible this week. I will be watching for the rapture, because if it really happens there are a couple of coworkers I would like to help on their way, if you know what I mean.

    Steep +¼

    P.S. Shouldn’t Cole be penalized for double-dipping on the Blondie video? Does he even read his own blog? (Rhetorical question.)

  99. 99
    Studly Pantload, now with enhanced schmuckosity says:

    I’ll see your Deborah Harry and raise you a Jim (“He’s hot, he’s sexy, and he’s dead!”) Morrison.

    Here in Seattle some of the kids are putting together “Punk the Rapture.” Come Sunday, they’ll have scattered on park and bus stop benches around town clothes laid out is if their occupants had gone *poof*.

    And with that, Armageddon outta here!

  100. 100
    hildebrand says:

    @kdaug: Last week’s episode was entitled ‘The Doctor’s Wife’. An absolutely wonderful story about the ‘soul’ of the Tardis being given the opportunity to walk about as a person and actually talk to the Doctor. There were some quality creepy moments for Amy and Rory, as well.

  101. 101
    MattR says:

    @eemom: ROTFLMAO.

    @Jewish Steel: You beat me to the punch. I think I qualify even though dad was catholic since mom is all that matters. Now I just have to hope the way I live my life allows me to qualify (ha)

  102. 102
    hildebrand says:

    @hildebrand: Damn. I tried to edit out the spoiler, but the bloody thing wouldn’t let me.

  103. 103
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Glen Tomkins:

    Man, you really know how to harsh a buzz, don’t you?

  104. 104
    Jewish Steel says:

    @MattR:

    Now I just have to hope the way I live my life allows me to qualify

    My plan is to follow Ween’s advice and Play It Off Legit.

  105. 105
    tkogrumpy says:

    Rapture me (an atheist) up. I can’t go on now that I have been banned from commenting at gateway pundit.

  106. 106
    scav says:

    I have this vision of people hoping to make the world a better place, instead of standing around Wall Street towers yelling “Jump! Jump! Jump!” now stand around certain churches yelling “Float! Float! Float!”

  107. 107
    Barb (formerly Gex) says:

    @JGabriel: It would be quite typical for an Act of God to get Wall Street et al out of contracts, but not the little people. I think they are still on the hook for the mortgage payments.

  108. 108

    @gnomedad:
    @PPOG Penguin:

    I recall reading that the chap was predicting “6pm local time”.

    Yes. Apparently, the rapture will commence in New Zealand at 6pm local time and then move in an orderly and counter-clockwise fashion around the globe for the following twenty four hours.

  109. 109
    JGabriel says:

    @tkogrumpy:

    I can’t go on now that I have been banned from commenting at gateway pundit.

    You can’t just tease us like that. What did you post that got you banned?

    .

  110. 110
    kdaug says:

    @Glen Tomkins:

    Revelations doesn’t describe the future. It describes past events, events already in the past by the day it found its first reader.

    No, no, no. Both “Revelations” and “Clifford The Big Red Dog” are prophesies of the endtimes.

    Now, me, personally, I tend to lean more scared of Clifford, ’cause I’m OK with 100lb dogs, but a 3000lb giant red dog running around could really make a mess of the place. That, and I ain’t seen many horsemen riding around, even here in Austin, and I reckon they’d get shot by the cops pretty quick anyway, especially with scary skull faces and all.

    Bottom line: Sun’s gonna burn out in a billion years. We ain’t outta here by then, we’re toast.

  111. 111
    jl says:

    @gnomedad: Cole is excitable and will spill the beans, so I will check into Balloon Juice around 3PM Pacific Daylight Time.

    But if something really weird is happening at Cole’s place, would it be the Rapture, Tunch, or Rosie? Hmmmmmm?

  112. 112
    FlipYrWhig says:

    Why is this such a Big Thing? Just one of those random internet memes — Antoine Dodson, Maru, Rebecca Black, and rapture predictions?

  113. 113
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    Apparently, the rapture will commence in New Zealand at 6pm local time and then move in an orderly and counter-clockwise fashion around the globe for the following twenty four hours.

    Worst. Wave. Ever.

  114. 114
    ppcli says:

    Of course, if you actually dig into the Greek, it seems as those ‘taken’ are not going to be quite as happy as they might think.

    Are you suggesting that the Revelation of St. John the Divine has been mistranslated? That it’s actually…. gasp …. A COOKBOOK!!!

  115. 115
    JGabriel says:

    @Sarah Proud and Tall:

    Apparently, the rapture will commence in … [a] counter-clockwise fashion …

    Kind of depends on whether God is looking at it from a vantage point over the north or south pole, no?

    .

  116. 116
    tkogrumpy says:

    @JGabriel: I wish I knew. then I could link and claim bragging rights. I comment over there as ” theotherjimmyolson”

  117. 117
    Little Boots says:

    @FlipYrWhig:

    It’s a big …. deal. it’s the internet that got small.

  118. 118
    kdaug says:

    @scav: Ah, yes. The physical manifestation of the Tardis, and the egg-beater and bailing-wire rescue craft. Good ep.

  119. 119
    kdaug says:

    @ppcli: OK, +1. Do make sure to let Cole know where you want your internet delivered.

  120. 120
    ShadeTail says:

    @FlipYrWhig:

    Why is this such a Big Thing? Just one of those random internet memes—Antoine Dodson, Maru, Rebecca Black, and rapture predictions?

    Depends on who you talk to. Have you seen the billboards and whatnot? There’s one less than a block from where I live. Some poor twits really are taking this seriously and spending big money spreading the word. And all for the *second* prediction of some snake-oil huckster who also got it wrong when he “predicted” the rapture in 1994.

  121. 121
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @JGabriel:

    Kind of depends on whether God is looking at it from a vantage point over the north or south pole, no?

    All depends on if God’s people got with Santa’s people and arranged for some space at the north pole, now doesn’t it?

  122. 122
    JGabriel says:

    FlipYrWhig:

    Why is this such a Big Thing?

    Because a global Christian radio network has been broadcasting it for months.

    .

  123. 123
    Sideshow Bill says:

    But if something really weird is happening at Cole’s place, would it be the Rapture, Tunch, or Rosie? Hmmmmmm?

    I imagine his house won’t be standing after vacuum created by Tunch blinking out of existence.

  124. 124
    Jeffro says:

    @Sarah Proud and Tall: Yes, and I’m sure an Ominpotent Being would just sorta, you know, let the Rapture slowly roll around the world an hour at a time…no rush…it’s not like the rotation of the planet is up to ‘me’ or anything…

  125. 125
    Barb (formerly Gex) says:

    @ppcli: How to serve man.

  126. 126
    Little Boots says:

    Next to Protestantism itself, the Scofield Bible is probably the worst thing to befall this nation.

  127. 127
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @ppcli:

    Paging Damon Knight…Mr. Knight, white courtesy phone…

  128. 128
    Sideshow Bill says:

    @Barb (formerly Gex): I’d like mine medium rare with a side of hollandaise please

  129. 129
    Jewish Steel says:

    @ppcli:

    A COOKBOOK

    Izzat kosher ?

  130. 130
    scav says:

    @JGabriel: And what about Standard v. Daylight Savings Time? Let alone Sidereal Time. Entire counties tying to jump the queue . . .

  131. 131
    danimal says:

    @Steeplejack: More than double-dipping on the Blondie clip.

    He also stole the REM reference. But it’s Friday night, and I feel fine.

  132. 132
    trollhattan says:

    I went to a bike race the other day and all I got was this stinking card.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/s.....742003532/

  133. 133
    trollhattan says:

    also, too, tbogg sez it happened nine years ago.

    http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2.....e-rapture/

  134. 134
    trollhattan says:

    Per the time/date stamp it’s already tomorrow. Are the Kiwis still around? What about the Aussies? What if the End Tymes really means we all have to spend eternity playing Aussie Rules Football?

  135. 135
    freelancer says:

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    “No, the white phone!”

  136. 136
    cxs says:

    @Barb (formerly Gex): I couldn’t believe that tool wore a track suit! At least put a tie on, if you’re going to spew hate in an official venue.

  137. 137
    Nomad says:

    @Glen Tomkins:

    Dude, that sounds like some *awesome* fiction – very LOTR. Can I pick it up at, like, Borders or something?

  138. 138
    Left Coast Tom says:

    6 PM _local_ time tomorrow…I’ll be camping at about 4,000 ft. in the mountains south of Monterey, on a 2,500 ft. high ridge. Nothing to loot. Please save something for me.

  139. 139
    trollhattan says:

    @Left Coast Tom:

    Schweet! Watch out for ticks and poison oak and flying jeebuz ponies. Damnit, the Sierra is still under tens of feet of snow and I don’t know when hiking season is going to start.

  140. 140
    eemom says:

    the POINT is, since it’s gonna start in Australia, we’ll have time to Repent before it gets here. IF y’all will just STFU for a minute so we can check the Aussie blogs.

  141. 141
    PPOG Penguin says:

    @trollhattan: “Are the Kiwis still around?” Yes, for another hour and a half. Then the Aussies get under way two hours later.

    Oh, and the northern hemisphere will be running an hour behind, due to daylight savings.

  142. 142
    cckids says:

    @Elliecat: I read that today too. How f#*ked up are your priorities that you just discard your kids that way? And YOU are the xtra special Christians Jesus can’t wait to spend time with? I doubt it.

  143. 143
    Left Coast Tom says:

    @trollhattan: The poison oak bothers me the most, I only get marginal benefit from Tecnu. I’ve actually snow camped in the Sierra 3 times so far this winter, and was going to do so this weekend except for the inbound ‘inside slider’ storm.

  144. 144
    Wag says:

    All I know for sure about the Rapture is that come Sunday morning, Ralph Reed is going to be pissed that Jimmy Carter got raptured and Ralph didn’t

  145. 145
    trollhattan says:

    @Left Coast Tom:

    This year is one for the books. Could be worse, we could be awaiting summer in Washington.

    http://seattletimes.nwsource.c.....ghway.html

  146. 146
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Wag:

    Pat Robertson, Don Wildmon, and James Dobson will all be pissed, and for the same reason.

  147. 147
    MikeJ says:

    So we have what, a bit over an hour until the roo fuckers bite it? If it were to start, I’d be in the streets of Seattle banging anything that moves until about 5:45P tomorrow when I repent. I figure if I’m still eligible after it has started outside of my time zone, great. I’m not, there’s no need to waste more time than I need to.

  148. 148
    Roger Moore says:

    @FlipYrWhig:

    Why is this such a Big Thing?

    Unbeatable opportunities to snark.

  149. 149
    MikeJ says:

    @trollhattan: Awaiting summer? It damn near hit 70 today!

  150. 150
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    The very concept that “the Rapture” is going to proceed around the planet in time zone order, so that people in the next time zone can party it up before it hits them, strikes me as being yet another heresy on top of an already whopper of a heresy.

    Might as well pile it on if you’re going to do it, I suppose.

  151. 151
    trollhattan says:

    @MikeJ:

    Heh, I saw that. Man, when I was in high school the Seattle May was always tauntingly warm and sunny then, the day school was out The Cloud would roll in and keep us chattering most of the summer. Seemed to always rain July 4. good times

    Never saw anything remotely like the hundred-degree days that have been sprinkled in the last few years–can’t even comprehend it.

  152. 152
    MikeJ says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: The worst part of the heresy is that it mostly seems to be held by people who claim to read the bible “literally”.

  153. 153
    MikeJ says:

    @trollhattan: KOMO News says:

    Records show Seattle hit 70 for about a minute and a half today before cooling back to the upper 60s. It’s tied for the second-latest first-70 degree reading of the year with 1948.

    Two more weeks of highs around 60.

  154. 154
    Studly Pantload, now with enhanced schmuckosity says:

    Curious how many BJers are in Seattle/Tacoma/Bellevue and east, west, south and north somewhat. Seems like a disproportionate amount are (yep, me included)

  155. 155
    fasteddie9318 says:

    If Kirk Cameron did eat a bag of dicks, would he have to do a 10 minute demo first on how the structure of the penis proves that God created it to be the perfect food for man?

  156. 156
    Barb (formerly Gex) says:

    @cckids: And they dare lecture us about family values.

  157. 157
    Yutsano says:

    @Studly Pantload, now with enhanced schmuckosity: There’s a few of us about. Some of us are imported. I’m still totally hip for a meet-and-greet when SouthernBeale hits town this August.

  158. 158
    Cain says:

    I’m in Portland myself.. so there are a bunch of us in the northwest it seems. Must be all that rain.. gets us all hot and bothered on the Internet.

  159. 159
    Cain says:

    Reading that NYT article on the Rapture, really makes me sad.

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