Was brewing my tea this morning, looked into the dining room and found Tunch surveying his kingdom from the dinner table:
Because Rosie LOVES cat food, I’ve actually turned the dinner table into his feeding area, because he can jump up there and the dogs can’t. I can do this because I am single and don’t give a shit.
Speaking of not giving a shit, I am going on vacation. Well, a staycation, really. My garden needs to be put in, my landscaping is a mess, the fence is going up soon, my car needs to be inspected, I have several rooms that need their carpets cleaned still, I want to organize my basement and rubberize the garage floor, etc. So don’t expect to see much of me around here for the next few days.
Baud
BREAKING!
Study: Homosexuality, celibacy didn’t cause abuse.
WASHINGTON – Researchers commissioned by the nation’s Roman Catholic bishops to analyze the pattern of clergy sex abuse have concluded that homosexuality, celibacy and an all-male priesthood did not cause the scandal.
mistermix
@Baud: They’re right. It was caused by priests sticking their cocks into young boys’ mouths and anuses.
dmsilev
I’ve got “20 minutes from now” in the “when will John post next” pool.
Will Reks
It’s a wonder Tunch can get up there. He looks like he just swallowed a turkey.
Corner Stone
Just one question:
What in the name of all that’s fucking Holy do you have weighing down THE OTHER END OF THAT TABLE?
ant
ours sits on the bathroom counter.
I don’t know that there is any dog on the planet that wouldn’t chow down on the cat bowl.
LGRooney
Uh…yeah. Whenever you say this, all hell breaks loose in the world of politics and you jump in and tell us to calm the fuck down. Three… two… one…
Rommie
I’ve heard this cat whistle before – should be a string of epic JC posts upcoming.
Just think if Tunch jumped down from the table onto one of the dogs…
JPL
@ant: Lily would not go near Tunch’s food because Lily is perfect.
James Hare
I spend my life telling my cats not to get on the table and now Cole is showing them an example of another cat who has no such rules.
Darn you Cole!
Deb T
I did the same with my cat food when my dog gained 5 pounds.
Also, let me say I’m very impressed with your “to do” list and that you are going to accomplish all of that in a few days. Maybe I’m just lazy.
Laura Clawson
Thank you. Not enough Cole-animal pictures around here lately.
He’s gorgeous.
Chat Noir
A kitchen table is just another cat perch in our home. We have to keep the cats’ food and water dishes on the table so the Wheaten Terror doesn’t eat or drink from them.
Nice to log on first thing in the morning and see his Tunchness on my Mac screen. He’s a handsome boy.
Bulworth
That’s a very great picture of mighty Tunch. And I loves me some vacations. Can we all take one?
Corner Stone
I have ads down the left for “Single Women looking for Successful Men” and ads down the right side to “Meet Real Guys” displaying some hunky AA males.
Conflicted, I am.
ruemara
I look forward to you breaking your record of posts in one day.
mzrad
Wow, you’re cat is even fatter than mine. !
I finally got around to watching _Inside Job_ and found it interesting that almost the only culprits in nearly destroying the US economy and enfattening the too-fat fat cats who were willing to be filmed were the three econ professors who worked for Bush 43. It appears their egos about getting on film trumped their caution with speaking to a director on the record for what had the chance to be a ruthless indictment of their enabling and greed-inspirired actions. Everyone else declined to be interviewed but, because they’re expert bloviators, these profs of course agreed to be filmed for what they expected would be more ass-kissing coverage of their ivy-encrusted “Master of the Universe-ness.” It was the only pleasurable part of this documentary, watching these bastards realize that they had agreed to be filmed by someone who clearly could see behind the curtain of bullshit and whose devastating questions simply left them no choice but to stutter (guy with curly gray hair), get angry (tall dude with brown hair), or retreat into silence (Elmer Fudd).
Getting myself to watch this movie was like getting myself to watch Food Inc.: an effort but well worth it to better understand how the industrial ag and finance fat cats are compromising our country on so many levels.
JCT
Surveying what’s left of his domain after he ate it perhaps?
Holy cow, Cole — that’s some camera angle, but he is a handsome boy.
In our house, since we have BEAGLES, we have to feed our puss on our daughter’s desk on the second floor with the staircase blocked by a baby gate. Otherwise the beagles would weigh 100 lbs and the cat would starve.
p.a.
@dmsilev: agreed. How can we miss him when he won’t go away?
My house is such a mess when i do manage to get a woman back there after a date, if I don’t see a look of disapproval (at least) in her eyes, I get really worried. (File under “Why would I want to join any club that would have me as a member?”)
Sarah Proud and Tall
Bye John. Don’t worry about a thing. We’ll look after the place like it’s our own.
.
.
.
.
Is he gone?
Whacko, kiddies! Dad’s away and ABL and I have the keys to the liquor cabinet. First one to make Fuckhead cry gets a free drink.
RGuy
If your cat was a person, they’d be morbidly obese. That is one fat cat.
Paul in KY
I’m going to assume there’s a car battery or two on the other end of that table.
Edit: I see Corner Stone beat me to it ;-)
beergoggles
With that list of chores, it is inevitable that John cuts off a toe while landscaping, sticks a nail through his hand while putting the fence up, scalds himself on the rug shampoo machine and glues his feet to the floor while rubberizing it.
So we should be expecting another post from the emergency room any time now…
shortstop
@Corner Stone: I was thinkin’ the same thing — wondering if Cole has a spare boat anchor or blacksmith’s anvil around the house.
Too long for a tag, perhaps, but still delicious.
James K Polk, Esq.
Woohoo! Epic post binge from Cole coming up!
JGabriel
@Baud:
Maybe they should check to see if it was caused by pedophilia?
.
schrodinger's cat
@shortstop: That’s not enough to balance the great one’s mass, quite possibly its an astronomical object, perhaps a black hole.
shortstop
@schrodinger’s cat: Good point. Cole hurts himself nude mopping (or am I misremembering?), lying in recliners and dog walking. The potential for gross injury from a black hole in his dining room is infinite.
Tracy
Either there’s an unseen chair or a trampoline outside the camera shot, because there’s no effing way his Tunchness got up there from the floor.
slag
@Corner Stone: Mothra.
shortstop
@JGabriel: Sorry, they have limited funds, and they couldn’t afford to check that one out. They are, however, commissioning a second study to see whether all those post-pubescent teenage boys are at fault through their brazen attempts to gay-recruit the priests.
Ash Can
Add me to the list of folks here who immediately thought, “Whoa geez, that table’s going over.” But I still think His Tunchness is adorable, every last ounce of him.
Luthe
There has got to be a crane in your dining room, Cole, because there is no way Tunch got on that table by himself. He looks like a white bowling ball with ears and a tail.
PeakVT
Is anyone having a problem with most of BJ loading but never completely, with the spinner on a Firefox tab continuing forever? I reloaded a page last night and the “waiting for www balloon-juice com” was still in the status bar this morning.
Comrade Mary
Hey, careful turning on that fan so close to Tunch. He might blow away.
boss bitch
From UpChuck Todd:
asshole.
Poopyman
Jeebus, Cole! Why don’t you just change your name (back?) to Kohl and move to SE PA or some other German immigrant enclave? That way you’d blend in with all those people that (and I am not making this up) broom off their lawns every morning to neaten the place up.
You’ll fit right in.
(Yes, I am a slob. I admit it.)
LGRooney
@Corner Stone: No conflict here, I’ve got some sweet looking cowgirl hawking solar cells.
Luthe
@PeakVT: I’ve been having that for a while. I think it’s something to do with the ads (n/a if you have ABP installed).
p.a.
@PeakVT: I’ve had problems with ffox doing anything today, getting ‘server not found’ messages for most of the usual DFH sites. IE worked ok, so I disabled Windows firewall (still have McAfee’s up), and now ffox works fine. Have read that ‘fox4.0 is twitchy, but I’m running an earlier version.
shortstop
@boss bitch: Because Chuck would be happier if they held stocks with private-sector entities being investigated/bailed out/legislated upon.
I really hate that guy’s studied ignorance.
Roger Moore
@PeakVT:
I’ve seen a similar problem, but it’s inconsistent. My guess is there’s some outside ad that’s causing problems.
BTW, has anyone seen this picture? It’s an excellent summary of the GOP presidential picture.
R-Jud
@Luthe:
A butterball turkey in a cat suit. (Shouldn’t talk, though, as one of ours looks like a ham in a cat suit.)
flukebucket
What is it with dogs and cat food? I have three dogs and every one of them will walk away from sausage and gravy to eat two day old cat food. I have never understood that.
cathyx
I can’t believe that table isn’t tipping over with him sitting so close the the edge.
John, you should take the money you would spend on a real vacation and hire someone to do all those things while you sit in a lounge chair drinking a beer watching them do the work. Now that would be relaxing.
MonkeyBoy
It looks like Tunch has grown out of being just “pear shaped”.
In thinking of what he now looks like I thought of “punching bag” which is out because Tunch is no-one’s punching bag. But what I was actually thinking of is “speed bag”. I guess a cat with his shape could be called a speed bag as long as he can jump up on a table.
RossInDetroit
How many kinds of tea is that in the foreground? Turning into a Camellia sinensis obsessive?
bobnoxious
Cats off tables. Ever hear of toxoplasmosis? Have a litter box? Cat use it? Cat on table? Do you care?
jayjaybear
He looks like a Shmoo with two prosthetic cat legs.
PeakVT
@p.a.: Running two firewalls is overkill, and even more so if you are behind a DSL/cable router. I recommend picking one of the two.
gogol's wife
Tunch is beautiful. He has floofy fur and big bones. Don’t listen to the haters. I know he jumped up there himself because my Louis is even fatter and he can jump up anywhere.
cathyx
@bobnoxious: He did say that he’s single, doesn’t care, and he probably eats in front of the TV and doesn’t even use it.
Ash Can
@LGRooney: There’s something incongruous about her standing around in her underwear. She’s got the whole get-up, except for the blue jeans. It looks as though she was yanked out of her dressing room for the photo shoot before she was able to finish getting dressed.
@Roger Moore: That graphic sums things up nicely.
Mike E
@James Hare: Cats are climbers and need perches around the house.
John, you’ll have a happier Tunch (and forestall the “Jeebus, he’s fat!” comments, too) by getting a $60 Costco cat tower or two. Plus, setting up a high shelf somewhere will give him an outlet that’ll make tables and counters seem boring to him by comparison. Also.
cathyx
@gogol’s wife: As they used to say when I was a kid, he’s not fat, he’s husky.
Paul in KY
@bobnoxious: I think I’m immune by now.
RobertB
Laundry room laundry counter is our dog-safe cat feeding area. We have a footstool so our old, kind-of-lame cat can get up there.
Southern Beale
Because Rosie LOVES cat food, I’ve actually turned the dinner table into his feeding area, because he can jump up there and the dogs can’t. I can do this because I am single and don’t give a shit.
We did that at my house, and we’re not single. But I guess we don’t give a shit.
Duhkman
Very West Virginia of you…”put in a garden” is one of my favorite mountain locutions. People look at you funny when you say that up in New England. Seems they “plant”gardens north of the Eastern Panhandle.
Have fun and enjoy the scenery.
Tom65
Rosie better watch it. Tunch looks like he could unhinge his lower jaw and swallow her whole.
catclub
@Luthe: “He looks like a white bowling ball with ears and a tail.”
Wrecking ball.
moe99
Cat food contains way more protein than dog food because cats require more protein in their diet. In addition, cats are notoriously inefficient processors of said protein so that’s why dogs like their poop as well. The condition is called coprophagia.
You’re welcome.
Moe, who has owned 7 dogs and been owned by 3 cats during adulthood
maya
@JGabriel: It was probably caused by the altar wine. The church really should switch to Franzia chianti in a box.
JR (Not the other JR)
Tunch has got that bandonkadonk butt.
fraught
I wish I could go back and list all of the times John posted about his household cleaning chores. But really, I don’t give a shit either, and there’s a reason JC is single. Anyone with a cleanfreakyness habit like his would be hell to live with.
My dogs only eat catfood. More protein. My cat will only eat human food. I’m debating whether or not I should switch to dog food.
LGRooney
@Ash Can: Nothing incongruous about it. If she was holding a fish perhaps but let’s see…
Advertising 101: 1) Something to sell – check. 2) Pretty girl – check. 3) Take away some of the girl’s clothing – check. 4) Sell more products!
Josie
I love seeing pictures of Tunch. He has such a zen air about him; it’s quite relaxing.
WereBear
@Mike E: We lurves us our new cat tree:
Announcing the new cat tree
Toxoplasmosis is seriously overblown, even for pregnant women (though they should be fussy.)
But since mine never go out, they get a cat tree, and I get peace of mind.
I maintain that Tunch is pure muscle.
You Don't Say
Tunch takes “pear-shaped” to a whole new level.
fasteddie9318
@JGabriel:
That’s offensive and you should know better. Bill Donahue has already explained that these weren’t children, they were hot 12 year olds who were asking for it.
Mark S.
@Baud:
From the article:
So that’s where Donohue is getting his talking points. Sorry guys, no one buys that having sex with a 12-year-old is just statutory rape. Also, no one is going to write this off as just a case of “poor seminary training.”
Svensker
Looking at Tunch’s avoirdupois, I’m thinking it would be healthier for him to have his feeding dish on the floor where Rosie could eat it. Fighting for his food would probably slim him down quite a bit.
jl
Rubberizing the garage floor? What does that mean? And whatever it means, why do it? Is that some East Coast thing?
Code for something?
“I’ve actually turned the dinner table into his feeding area, because he can jump up there and the dogs can’t. I can do this because I am single and don’t give a shit.”
Too late, Cole. We have seen the pure shiny surfaces of your clean clean clean house. Too late to fool anyone. You are a fussy metro, and are not ‘baching it’ wrt your house in any recognized sense of the word. It’s no use. I’m just being honest so you don’t waste anymore time or worry on it.
thnx fr Tunchpic.
gbear
My cat has learned to stay off the dining room table because the incredibly obnoxious security alarm goes off if she jumps up there while I’m away from home. She learned pretty quickly – I only got 2 or 3 calls from the security company about the motion sensor being triggered.
Michael D.
Tunch is a great cat.
And hey, when you’re watching the Steelers, he doubles as a bean bag chair!
FlipYrWhig
@Mark S.:
More like poor inseminary training.
Cris (without an H)
Love this concept, hate this word.
CynDee
Hi, John. Thank you for the Lilly and Tunch pics. They are great, as always; a pat to each of them, and Rosie too. Well, I guess I don’t know if one “pats” Tunch.
lamh34
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
BREAKING: Jerome Corsi’s Birther Book Pulled from Shelves!
Brachiator
@Baud:
No, apparently it was caused by the 60s social tumult, which priests were unable to handle.
So let’s see. A priest thought to himself, “I’m feeling stress on the job, so let me go and rape a little boy.”
Insane.
lamh34
@lamh34:
DAMN, seems like this is not real. too bad!
what is true though is that according to Politico, the campaign is selling “long-form” t-shirt and “made in the usa” mugs. If that’s true, I might have to buy me a mug…lol
slag
@lamh34: Based on the addendum, I don’t think that article is intended to be serious. Although I can see why they had to include the addendum. It’s hard to tell these days.
ETA Nevermind. Irony may be dead, but redundancy lives on.
shortstop
@FlipYrWhig: It had to be said.
meh
jesus that cat is huge – may want to look at buying a new table when he snaps that shit in half.
Denali
Miss you already!
Denali
Miss you already!
Yutsano
@meh: That’s not a cat…it’s a space station…
@lamh34: Ahem. Two threads up. JC’s got our back on this.
Frank W.
Since this is an open-thread, I’d like to ask any educators out there if anyone is seeing any strange behavior among students in light of this May 21st nonsense? I am a J.C. English instructor, and had a student approach me yesterday with wild-eyed concern, warning me that we must all head for the hills, abandon all worldly possessions, and trust in God, for the end is nigh….
Phoebe
My cat chow bowl is on top of a bookshelf.
Speaking of elevation, my indoor cat lost a lot of weight (that he needed to lose) as soon as I moved into a two story house. Maybe if you put the bowl near the ceiling, on top of a very high shelf, with shorter shelves and tables and counters leading up to it, he’d get some exercise.
rumpole
Wow. “Ass so fat you can see it from the front….”
Megalonomalous
I see an Upton tea canister.
Good choice.
Gus
I’m married and I do the same thing. Fortunately my wife also doesn’t give a shit.
Gravenstone
@flukebucket:
If they’ll snack on what comes out the back of the cat process, why not enjoy what goes into the front end as well?
Mark S.
@FlipYrWhig:
Ewwwww.
asiangrrlMN
First of all, I read ‘was brewing my toes’ which made me pause.
Second of all, TUUUUUUUNCHIE! He’s a big ball of pure white fluffy goodness. I loooooooooooooooooove Tunchie!
@WereBear: Great tree. I have a six-foot high one for my boys, and they love the thing to bits. Your babies are cute, too.
bkny
@mzrad: i still haven’t been able to bring myself to watch this. between the rage and feelings of utter hopelessness, i just don’t think this country is capable of resolving any of the issues facing us.
bkny
@lamh34: uh … it’s satire.
Paul in KY
@Frank W.: You have either a weirdo kid (with or without weirdo parents) or the kid is messing with you for whatever reason.
Or you teach in Idaho.
Mnemosyne
@Mark S.:
Am I misremembering, or do boys go through puberty several years later than girls do? If so, 11-14 for boys seems pretty generous to decide that they were pubescent.
ETA: For boys, 13-16 would seem more likely.
Surly Duff
Something that big can jump?
Draylon Hogg
There was a fat moggy called Tunch
Who had a peculiar hunch
He thought fuck you all
That’s mybowling ball
Then proceeded to scoff it for lunch
columbusqueen
Hey, I thought Miss Kitty (aka Big Mama) was too big to jump onto my kitchen table, so I moved the other two cats’ bowls up there.
Guess what? I was WRONG.
PS–she does look like Tunch’s sister, BTW.