In any given year, Newt Gingrich has always been a player in the race for Corruptionist of the Year–and I think it is safe to say he has won the title a few times.
Yes, he is a grifter, but then again he is in a party and political movement that celebrates grifters as “thinkers” and “leaders” and “serious people”. Some beltway pundits have taken to calling him “The Professor”–which must be something like calling a tall kid “shorty”.
Gingrich is one of a gang of grifters who came to Washington in the late seventies and early eighties. Most of these folks were radicals who came up through the College Republicans and extremist conservative youth movements (like Young Americans for Freedom). It was a close knit circle of grifters–a Band of Brothers if you will. And over the years the gang has acted as a Grifter fraternity in DC–a sort of Alpha-Con-Alpha dedicated to making money, mentoring generations of new grifters and pushing galtian policies that do real damage to America.
One of Newt’s old pals in that fraternity was Jack Abramoff. For decades Newt and Jack were thick as thieves. In 2004 Mr. Abramoff had his fall from grace and suddenly a lot of his Grifter fraternity brothers could not remember his name. Jack became their secret invisble friend who’s name could not be mentioned.
In a 2006 interview with Vanity Fair, Jack Abramoff talked about some of those old friends who were pretending that the never met him.
To celebrate Newt’s launch of his run for the White House I thought it would be fun to quote Jack talking about his old fraternity brother:
There are other people from Abramoff’s more distant past who also never knew him, such as former Republican House Speaker (and rumored 2008 presidential candidate [and now confirmed 2012 candidate]) Newt Gingrich, who first never met Abramoff during the latter’s firebrand days atop the College Republicans. “Before his picture appeared on TV and in the newspapers, Newt wouldn’t have known him if he fell across him. He hadn’t seen him in 10 years,” Gingrich’s spokesman, Rick Tyler, tells me. That this especially rankles Abramoff becomes clear as he rummages through a box of old memorabilia with me. “Here’s [former Republican Texas congressman and House majority leader] Dick Armey,” he tells me. “Here’s Newt. Newt. Newt. [Former president Ronald] Reagan. More Newt. Newt with Grover [Norquist, the Washington conservative Republican Über-strategist and longtime Abramoff friend] this time, and with [Seattle arch-conservative Republican] Rabbi [Daniel] Lapin. But Newt never met me. [Indicted Iran-contra figure and longtime Abramoff friend] Ollie North. Newt. Can’t be Newt … he never met me. Oh, Newt! What’s he doing there? Must be a Newt look-alike. I have more pictures of him than I have of my wife. Newt again! It’s sick! I thought he never met me!”
Gingrich’s entry into the race will present lots of moments of fun and mirth as well as fresh new levels of shame for our failed media experiment. I fear that nicknames like “The Professor” will just be the tip of an iceberg of media stupid.
Cheers
Just Some Fuckhead
I think Newt might just be in this for wife #4.
kindness
I swear Palin has made a run for office into a money making venture or at least a paying gig. What is up with that?
Linda Featheringill
What? No honor among grifters? Amazing.
Hey. Nobody loves you when you’re down and out.
But then, these guys [and gals] think they will never be down.
Hunter Gathers
@Just Some Fuckhead: I hear Matt Bai is available.
BerkeleyMom
Running for president is just a loss-leader for Newt. Got to keep the brand out in the public eye at the highest levels (hey-a campaign!) to keep the speaking fees up and the donations flowing. Two divorces/three wives are the new black.
Michael D.
Newt “I’m on my third traditional marriage” Gingrich is going to run for president!!
This is going to be SO fucking awesome!
Mnemosyne
Heh. My co-worker (even more of an Obot than I am) just came around the corner pissed off because CNN sent an alert that Gingrich is officially running, like the news was SOOOOO important they just had to e-mail her about it.
ppcli
I don’t think that he looks much like the Professor. More like Skipper or even a portly version of Mrs. Howell.
salacious crumb
Did he get his current wife from the wax museum?
Villago Delenda Est
@kindness:
Palin is cribbing from the “Ambassador” Keyes playbook, which was also cribbed from by Gingrich.
As Dennis ably and accurately points out, these people are grifters. They’re utterly and completely without a moral compass to speak of.
arguingwithsignposts
@Villago Delenda Est:
Shudder.
Martin
@Just Some Fuckhead: My bet is that Newt runs, and just as the pundits are counting him out, his wife falls ill and is hospitalized, Newt divorces her and announces that he’s marrying permanent VP candidate Palin who will join him on the ticket. It’ll be like the royal wedding meets a boot stomping on a face forever.
MattF
Thing about Newt is that– although he’s not particularly stupid– he never quite manages to grasp the notion that loyalty is mutual. Many, many people in DC (and I’m including conservatives here) have come to the realization that, not only can’t he be trusted, he doesn’t really understand what this ‘trust’ thing is…
Just Some Fuckhead
@Martin: I swooned a little.
arguingwithsignposts
@MattF:
Objection: assumes facts not in evidence.
JCT
Wow, Dennis, this reads like a particularly scary Grimm’s Fairy Tale.
@salacious crumb: On one of the sites today there was a frightening picture of Callista that made her look like an escapee from Madame Tussaud’s. Really unnerving.
Just Some Fuckhead
@arguingwithsignposts:
Sustained.
No One of Consequence
I really almost start to feel badly for the Goopers this time around. This crop of underwhelmers is not likely to net them the big chair this go round.
Think their loyal electorate will show up, or wake up?
– NOoC
dmsilev
@salacious crumb:
I’m pretty sure she’s a second casting from the mold used to produce Cindy McCain.
JustMe
beltway pundits have taken to calling him “The Professor”
Hah! This reminds me of Joseph Conrad’s “The Secret Agent” where all of the pathetic subversives had lofty nicknames– “The Professor” was called that because he had TA’ed a class before dropping out, and “The Doctor” was someone who had spend a year in med school before leaving.
jheartney
Sociopaths are like that. In fact it’s kind of their defining feature.
Republicans too.
fhtagn
@Just Some Fuckhead:
I think he got an email from the RNC inviting him to sign up for the nomination sweepstakes. He’s just dropping his card in the slot and hoping to get lucky.
Hunter Gathers
Better hope that America doesn’t develop a case of cancer while under Newt’s stewardship. He might leave us for another country.
FlipYrWhig
@JCT: Probably TBogg.
Valdivia
I know this is totally OT but what the hell is up with Kent Conrad? First he said 50% of dealing with the budget deficit should be taxes, now this? Huh? I thought he was going to go full Ryan on us. Weird.
Citizen Alan
You know, I think I might forgive Jack Abramoff for a lot of his sins if he would publish a tell-all book timed to come out in July of 2012 that describes in loving detail every dark secret he every knew about Newt, Reed, and every other GOP scum bag who now pretends to not remember his name or face.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Valdivia: No way the millionaires in the Senate vote for a tax on millionaires.
JCT
@FlipYrWhig: YES — truly scary. and she *does* look like Cindy McCain. Same plastic surgeon perhaps?
Dennis G.
@Hunter Gathers: Well played! Well played.
Omnes Omnibus
Jack sounds bitter.
Valdivia
@Just Some Fuckhead:
I know, it’s just that when there were rumours he was presenting his own budget thing everyone assumed it would be Ryanesque, instead we get this? Bizarre. Unless I am thinking of the other guy, Nelson?
Just Some Fuckhead
@Hunter Gathers:
He’ll prolly leave us for a younger country, like Israel, way before that.
Damned at Random
Totally OT, but this made me giggle
http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/05/11/introducing-the-barack-obama-seal-team-six-action-figure/
Just Some Fuckhead
@Damned at Random: That would make an excellent gift choice for our lil Obots here.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Valdivia: I dunno, I get all the millionaires mixed up.
scav
@Just Some Fuckhead: well, sentence to a big Waring Blender rather than incarceration. Could work.
Mike in NC
@Michael D.:
Hey, Newtie might be the only Republican with a plan to create new jobs. In his case, for divorce lawyers.
Mark S.
I have to say, Newt might be the only guy I hate reading about more than Trump.
The GOP nomination process: A New Horror Show Every Week!
El Cid
I’ve been so fucking sick for god-damned well over a decade now that right wing crook fuck Gingrich is treated like some sort of statesman-intellectual.
Steve
A Band of Brothers,if you will…not that a Republican would ever voluntarily join the military.
kdaug
And under which rock shall we find Ralph Reed?
Josie
Here is a quote from a current post by Josh Marshall on TPN:
I plan to watch Hardball later on tonight for the hilarity.
Mark S.
@El Cid:
I can’t stand it either. Dipshits like Joe Klein waxing about what an intellectual Newt is.
danimal
@Valdivia: Wind shifted?
Valdivia
@danimal:
lol. so true. though I thought Conrad was a hard core blue dog immune to electoral winds.
Just Some Fuckhead
@Josie: You see how they mainstream the batshit crazy? He was easily the most batshit crazy Republican for years, until more batshit crazy Republicans come along and act even more batshit crazy and then Newt looks statesman-like.
You gotta wonder what XTREME batshit crazy we’re in for in the future to make the current crop of batshit crazy Republicans look sane by comparison.
El Cid
@Mark S.: His PhD on education in the Belgian Congo wasn’t a fraud, but about as vapid and rote as imaginable.
To his credit, it was a real doctoral thesis, and not some Liberty or Regent U joke.
So I guess that does count as a brilliant intellectual among the establishmentarians, as long as you’re a right winger who attained fame and power.
Omnes Omnibus
@kdaug: One of the slimier ones, I would guess.
Zifnab
@No One of Consequence:
Well, they may show up in 2012 and they may not. But that doesn’t preclude them from coming back in 2014. Or 2016. Or 2018.
It’s just that every two years we’ve got to wage a national war on stupid. And when we win, we take a baby step forward. And when we lose, we try to fling ourselves back off the side of the cliff.
General Stuck
Gingrich is a washed up disgraced bag of gas, mixed in with some trendy right wing populist mumbo jumbo, and has no chance of winning either the presidency or the GOP nom. He does have the single virtue, if you want to call it that, or advantage over the other hopefuls in that he possesses a handful of functioning brain cells, unlike the others, they are crazy critter variety, but he can walk and chew gum at the same time. And Abramoff is a small time con man, almost too stupid to live, and certainly too stupid to not get caught.
If you want to know where the real power and threat comes via the right wing blending of corporatism and theocracy, these guys are the A team that work largely behind the scenes, and have for a long time. They are competent as well as thoroughly seditious considering separation of church and state, and a lot of what goes down in some parts of the third world, they were in the shadows. Who knows what these fuckers are up. But Gingrich is a clown that is only tolerated by the RW braintrust cause he has the gift of bullshit. But prime meat for mocking on liberal blogs.
As for GOP president material, they are fast at it shoveling the shit pile for that pony. no luck so far.
Josie
@Just Some Fuckhead: True, but what they seem so deliciously unaware of is the existence of recording and playback devices that record their stupid statements for posterity. If only the media would do their homework and expose them for the batshit crazies that they are, popcorn futures would go through the roof.
Spaghetti Lee
Just a reminder, if you’ve forgotten, that the Republicans are itching for a second Civil War: http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/05/the-gops-new-constitutional-amendment-give-states-veto-power-over-federal-laws.php
Ash Can
@Just Some Fuckhead:
This is as good a time as any to trot out this classic.
Spaghetti Lee
@No One of Consequence:
I don’t feel sorry for them one bit. They’ve glorified stupidity and ignorance and selfishness for years, and whaddayaknow, they round up with a bunch of candidates too stupid and selfish to win an election.
BGinCHI
What’s the difference between Newt and Trump?
Robert Waldmann
I think they call Newt “the Professor” because he used to be a professor. I currently am a professor. I can assure you “professor” does not mean “smart.” There are professor grifters. There are professors whose self described big ideas are empty slogans. The academy is a place without a simple measure of output. So people who blow their own horns a lot can get a lot of attention, sort of like congress. Of course some academic research is brilliant, for example the book “Bullshit” which was written by a professor who benefited from ample source material.
Note I said that not all professors are smart, I didn’t say that the typical professor is a mentally handicapped victim of Alzheimer’s (possibly premature). Rick Tyler insisted that Newt is such a tragic victim of a neurological disorder when he said “Newt wouldn’t have known him if he fell across him. He hadn’t seen him in 10 years.” OK think about it, if Newt hasn’t seen someone in 10 years, Newt can’t recognize his face. This implies brain malfunction.
This tragic devastating mental incapacity for which Gingrich isn’t at all responsible helps explain how he seems to forget how many times he’s been married and his former policy positions. No brain no pain, no memory no flip flop.
BGinCHI
@Robert Waldmann: He was denied tenure by some smart professors whose tenured radicalness did not affect their ability to call bullshit.
Enhanced Voting Techniques
@Josie:
So Newt’s hope is he is so covered with shit no one will know were to start. GOP politics has truly gone plaid Spaceballs style.
Omnes Omnibus
@BGinCHI: If he had not been denied tenure, would he have gotten into politics or would he be a crank publishing odd little opinions in journals read by seven people every year?
Villago Delenda Est
Or, he’s just a sociopathic asshole.
I think I like my theory of Newt better.
Bob Loblaw
@BGinCHI:
Trump was last week. Newt is this week. It’s very important you keep up.
Villago Delenda Est
@BGinCHI:
Different animals living on the tops of their heads?
Omnes Omnibus
@Villago Delenda Est: Will this be on the final?
master c
After so many beat-downs, we are having a great May! Are ya with me?
Garrigus Carraig
OT: Has this Goldman article been mentioned yet? Are we allowed to talk about Taibbi?
BGinCHI
@Omnes Omnibus: Yeah, maybe it would have been better if he was just harassing Women’s Studies and telling off-color jokes to his grad seminars.
Ahh, the American Experiment.
mr. whipple
@No One of Consequence:
Oh yes, they’ll show. They’re using the 2004 playbook in the states: whip up the loonies with hot button social issues to drive the wingers to the polls, and add on the usual racism/xenophobia/goofiness about Obama and all other ‘others’.
I’m certain they’ll show, not so certain we will.
On edit: they are also working hard on disenfranchisement, like they always do.
Ash Can
@Spaghetti Lee: The Republicans in a nutshell: “If our team isn’t winning, then the rules of the game have to be changed.”
arguingwithsignposts
Hey, I’ve got a joke for you: Did you hear the one about the FCC commissioner who approved a merger between NBC and Comcast and then months later left the FCC to become the chief lobbyist for NBC/Comcast?
The punchline is you.
JCT
@Omnes Omnibus: Actually, I think in part what contributed to his denial of tenure was that he kept running for political office of various types. Probably to the exclusion of what he was supposed to be doing as an Asst. Prof. This is, by no means an excuse, given the sort of drivel he produces he likely would have been denied even if he actually focused on his real job.
I’m an academic as well and the “automatic” respect this guy gets for his supposed intellectualism is just farcical.
BGinCHI
@arguingwithsignposts: Thought there was a revolving door law?
No?
Jesus Chrysler.
emperor of ice cream
At #23Hunter. Rotflmao. I will quote that line. Well done.
Villago Delenda Est
@arguingwithsignposts:
/heavy sarcasm tags invoked
Wow, that’s just absolutely unprecedented!
Amazing that there’s a revolving door in DC that cannot be stopped.
BGinCHI
@JCT: Agreed. Though he does remind me of a certain brand of Econ prof. Certainty coming out his ass and all that.
That he studied history and is a bad historian says wonders for our meritocracy.
arguingwithsignposts
@BGinCHI: Apparently,
Of course, it’s not like Chris Dodd didn’t do a similar thing with the MPAA. I realize both sides do it, but, ugh.
Suffern ACE
@Bob Loblaw: I can’t wait for Bolton’s turn.
Sly
It’s a logical progression. First the shiny toy was Palin, who’s defining feature is her pettiness. Then we get Trump, who is the one of most vain people alive. Now the new toy is Gingrich, who is matches the pettiness of Palin with the vanity of Trump. He’s the GOP’s Captain Planet.
You have to keep upping the ante to keep people hooked. In six months the Village will be pimping the resurrected corpse of Richard Nixon as the only serious candidate in the race, but only because the resurrected corpse of Idi Amin would be constitutionally ineligible. And black.
Scamp Dog
@Omnes Omnibus: While we’re wishing, it’s too bad that Austrian guy didn’t get into art school, which might have prevented him from getting into German politics.
dmsilev
@Sly:
Interesting constitutional question there. If a zombie is resurrected on American soil, does that count as ‘naturally (re)born’ regardless of where the original birth took place? I think until the Supreme Court weighs in on this pressing issue, we would be unwise to rule out Zombie Amin.
That, though, is a more serious problem. Maybe Zombie Kaiser Wilhelm is available instead?
kdaug
@dmsilev:
Uh, by this point, I’d think they were all kinda bone-white.
But President Skeletor does have a nice ring to it.
Bubblegum Tate
@No One of Consequence:
Yes. Because…you know…commie Nazi Muslim Kenyan in the White House!
BGinCHI
@Scamp Dog: Would also have kept him from starring in “Twins” with Danny Devito.
cbear
@Scamp Dog: Schwarzenegger was an artist? Who knew.
mike in dc
I have seen this slogan already:
NEWT IN 2012: HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE AMERICA, UNLESS IT GETS CANCER
Mike in NC
Apparently all the Sunday talking head shows are desperate to land The Newt, so the Villagers can bask in the glory of his Seriousness and ode to American Exceptionalism.
“Thank you for taking time from your very busy schedule to be here today, Mister Speaker”, gushed David Gregory/Bob Schieffer/Generic FOX Blond Airhead.
cbear
@BGinCHI: Dammit, missed again.
Just Some Fuckhead
@mike in dc: How about this one:
NEWT GINGRICH 2012: MY COUNTRY WAS 200 YEARS OLDER THAN ME BUT I MARRIED HER ANYWAY
moops
Do you think the RNC will pay Jack off ?
I stick by all interpretations.
GregB
This place is redolent with the odor of gay secular fascism and I will not be just another cog on the secular socialist machine!
Newt Gingrich 4 evah!
master c
pimpin that Taibbi to my friends on email since I dont do politics on FB.
Dennis G.
@Omnes Omnibus: And that was back in 2006 BEFORE he went to jail…
mr. whipple
@mike in dc: You win the internets!
pablo
MFG… My favorite grifters.
General Stuck
Squarely in Dennis G’s wheelhouse. The wingers submit a Union Opt Out clause as a Constitutional Amendment. This is how it begins.
It takes three fourths of the states to ratify a constitutional amendment, but the wingers have done their math, and watered that down a tad so their little legal secession scheme will work. And that is what it really is, legalized secession.
On this we can agree, been saying pretty much the same thing for years now.
Garrigus Carraig
@master c: I do. But I live in a left-wing bubble.
Dennis G.
@General Stuck: A total tell that the Confederates control the GOP. And it is sponsored by some of the craziest fucksticks in Congress–like Paul Broun of Georgia.
PurpleGirl
@Just Some Fuckhead: Must be because most of the senators are millionaires.
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
@General Stuck:
As long as this includes a provision that doing so automatically causes the state in question to get their pasty white lardasses tossed out of the Union, I’m totally OK with that. I mean really, I can take a hint. You don’t like it here anymore. Fine. Go ahead and secede already. I’ll even sign the goodbye-and-we-will-all-miss-you Hallmark card for you when you go, and we promise that if anybody calls to ask about you, all the Human Resources Dept. will say is “Oh yes, they used to be part of the United States”.
Omnes Omnibus
@General Stuck: Of course, that proposal is going nowhere.
Ozymandias, King of Ants
@dmsilev:
Hell, why not Zombie Ivan the Terrible? Or Zombie Emperor Caligula?
General Stuck
@ThatLeftTurnInABQ:
In my fantasies, I long for to be rid of these asswipes from the country of my birth, but the reality is, we are stuck with the fuckers to keep them close by and in the family, so they don’t destroy the entire fucking world.
@Omnes Omnibus:
It’s not meant to go anywhere, it is meant as a dog whistle for further psychological secession of the like minded. A rallying cry to keep the faithful fired up and connected, for whatever happens down the road. They ain’t just kidding around, imo.
Whether they act on real secession is unlikely, at least anytime soon, this is a pressure valve of theater to act out as mostly harmless melodrama what they wish they could do. Similar stunts were tried years before the GCW.
There is a large group of people who fundamentally do not agree with the rules of the founding document we all live by. This is not new, but it is an awakening giant.
JCT
@Mike in NC:
FTFY
Tehanu
@JustMe:
His Atlanta Braves teammates called the great pitcher Greg Maddux “the Professor” because he read a book once.
Tehanu
@ThatLeftTurnInABQ:
Best idea I’ve heard all year.
JCT
@ThatLeftTurnInABQ: Not to mention the fact that this would peel off all of the states that currently suck up tons of federal dollars in excess of their fed tax proceeds.