A word of warning to those with weak stomachs: you might want to hold off on reading this morning’s Times profile of Newt Gingrich and his third wife Callista until after your breakfast has settled. I’m guessing it was meant to be a puff-piece beat sweetener, but the yuck factor of the young plastic trophy wife coupled with that disgusting old geezer just overwhelms the whole exercise. Did you know that she’s 22 years his junior and their affair started when she was still in her 20s? Trust me, if you didn’t, those facts will be burned into your brain and roiling your stomach long after today’s newspaper is lining birdcages.
Newt and Callista run a bullshit factory built on Newt’s reputation as a Republican macher, and daddy can’t write paychecks unless there’s cash in the bank, so Newt pretty much had to run for real this year, otherwise people would just point and laugh in 2016. Unfortunately for Newt’s future cash flows, his “I’m a candidate” sideshow is already the butt of Saturday Night Live skits. I doubt that Newt will even make the official David Brooks serious candidate list this time around — the best he can hope for is a few more years on the Sunday shows.
Newt’s latest sideshow gimmick is a heartfelt conversion to Catholicism, his wife’s religion, timed appropriately to coincide with his company’s release of a DVD about Pope John Paul II. By the time 2016 rolls around, Newt will probably be shilling tales of the pain of the circumcision required for him to convert to Judaism in order to marry his fourth trophy wife, all timed to pimp the release of a special two-DVD collection honoring the life of Binny Netanyahu.