Donald Trump Replaced as Indy 500 Pace Car Driver

I really can’t handle another “You’re Fired” joke

Renowned Orange Supremacist Donald Trump was slated to drive the pace car for the 100th anniversary Indy 500, but fans — led by Indianapolis attorney Michael Wallack — raised a stink about it, arguing that he is “too politically motivated.”

Wallack had this to say about Trump:

I have no problem if Trump dislikes President Obama or his policies. But to step over the line into the realm of conspiracy-mongering is not good for politics or for America. And it should not be rewarded with the honor of driving the pace car at the Indianapolis 500.


Jalopnik reported earlier today that the Indy speedway folks were trying to figure out a way to dump Trump, after Trump claimed that he wouldn’t go quietly.

But, apparently, now that he has decided that he really is running for President, like ferreals ferreals, Trump has bowed out of the Indy 500 festivities:

“I very much appreciate the honor, but time and business constraints make my appearance there, especially with the necessary practice sessions, impossible to fulfill,” Trump said. “I look forward to watching the race from New York.”

Regarding whether the criticism lobbed at Trump was politically motivated, one of Trump’s aides was all, “DUH!”:

Earlier today, an aide to the New York real estate developer said Trump would not give up the pace car post and said the criticism was politically motivated.

“Of course it is, of course it is,” said Michael Cohen, an executive vice president and special counsel to Trump, said in an interview this morning with The Indianapolis Star.

Although there have been political figures (like Colin Powell) serve as the celebrity driver, there has never been an active prospect for president drive the pace car. Cohen said Trump has not officially declared his intention to run for the office.

Cohen also took issue with a group of local Baptist ministers who want Trump replaced because of what they say are his racist comments related to Trump’s push for President Obama to release his birth certificate and school records.

“This debate stems from unfounded, incorrect and malicious lies that Donald Trump has a racial bias toward the president,” said Cohen. “Nothing could be further from the truth; Donald Trump doesn’t have a racist bone in his body.”

Yeaaah. He’s not racist at all! Except for when he is! Which is, like, all the time!

I haven’t been able to figure out the timeline of events regarding the Indy 500 shenannies (time stamps on blog posts are quite unreliable), but it seems that the decision to give Trump the pace car gig was not made by Indy 500 muckity-mucks, but rather by Chevrolet and Izod, the companies sponsoring the race. And just as Groupon pulled its advertising from the website for The Apprentice due to consumer outcry, it is likely that Chevrolet and Izod would have gotten an earful from consumers. I imagine that Trump pulled out rather than being kicked out. One might say that there would be hell toupée if Trump hadn’t pulled out.1

…aaaand now I have to go vomit a little for using the term “pulled out” in conjunction with “Donald Trump.”

Oh, I swear to blog — I’m gonna be sick — I gotta go…


1 I’m not even sorry for this pun. So there.

[via Jalopnik]

[cross-posted at ABLC]

83 replies
  1. 1
    Valdivia says:

    Love love that image. Too funny.

  2. 2
    gwangung says:

    I’m not even sorry for this pun. So there.

    And that’s what made the pun.

  3. 3
    kay says:

    We won! I don’t follow any sports at all, but someone emailed me a link to take a local newspaper vote on this, and I did. I bet my vote turned the tide.
    Don’t jeer. I take my victories where I find them:)

  4. 4
    Origuy says:

    Donald Trump doesn’t have a racist bone in his body.

    It’s not his bones that are the problem, it’s his mouth.

  5. 5
    Andre says:

    It’s obvious that it’s the liberals that are race-ist.

    (I’m sorry, that was the best I could come up with, I’ve only had one coffee so far today.)

  6. 6
    Amir_Khalid says:

    My, that’s a pretty picture of The Donald. And a fitting slogan — I think you might owe someone, a Balloon Juice commenter maybe, a h/t.

    I’m not even sorry for this pun. So there.

    Nor should you be. The world would be better off if this high-toned grifter were to slowly become radioactive even as he launched a misguided presidential candidacy. And watching his downfall would be so much sweeter.

  7. 7
    aimai says:

    I love that pun. Love it. It makes up for all the bad puns out there.


  8. 8
    Keith says:

    Am I the only one who thinks Trump wears the same model rug as Sumner Redstone? How does someone with such a horrible eye for hair get so much money?

    And my obligatory joke: he wasn’t going to drive anyway; he was gonna paster ‘TRUMP’ all over a rental car and have someone else drive it.

  9. 9
    piratedan says:

    @Origuy: well that’s all well and good but racism dwells in the heart and in the mind, right?

  10. 10
    Josie says:

    Love the poster. I stole it and sent it to my kids.

  11. 11
    Muley Graves says:

    This is a damn shame. I was hoping that Trump would take this once in a lifetime opportunity to emulate another sainted America TeaTard hero, Dale Earnhardt, and crash into a wall and die.

    Oh well, I can’t have everything I want.

  12. 12
    Andre says:


    Am I the only one who thinks Trump wears the same model rug as Sumner Redstone? How does someone with such a horrible eye for hair get so much money?

    It’s because he’s stuck with the “It’s my natural hair!” line for so long, that he can’t risk changing it because people will notice.

  13. 13
    Mike in NC says:

    Donald Trump doesn’t have a racist bone in his body.

    Ah, but does he have a racist hair (hare?) on his head?

    Stopped by a liquor store last weekend and saw a bottle of Trump vodka on the shelf. Square black container with a big gold T for a label. Claimed to be the finest in the world, or some related BS. Imported from Holland, by the way. Needless to say I wouldn’t willingly put a penny in that clown’s pocket.

  14. 14
  15. 15
    Church Lady says:

    Off topic, but a link to an academic survey (UT and Texas-Austin) being conducted on sources of political information:


    As interested in politics as everyone here is, I thought this would be an appropriate place to post the link. It takes about 15 minutes to complete.

  16. 16
    Ruckus says:

    The Indy 500 is a start. I’d like to see him “pull out” of our lives completely. Go back to being a shitty real estate mogul and TV moron. The off switch on my TV works great and I ain’t buying any NYC high rise property, so I shouldn’t have to hear from or about this racist POS at all.
    BTW his comb over is in a tie for the worst I’ve ever seen. Old guy on a plane, 3, yes I said 3 strands of about 10 hairs each, with a length of about 10 inches on another wise bald noggin. Looked glued down. Not superglue, epoxy.

    I went crew cut a week later. I’m not risking anyone everyone laughing behind/or not so much my back for something that vapid/stupid.

  17. 17
    The Dangerman says:

    One might say that there would be hell toupée if Trump hadn’t pulled out.

    So, you’re saying that he pulled the rug out from underneath them?

  18. 18
    Brachiator says:

    @The Dangerman:

    One might say that there would be hell toupée if Trump hadn’t pulled out.

    So, you’re saying that he pulled the rug out from underneath them?

    Stop! Stop! This is just too hair-larious.

  19. 19

    If anyone is on Digg, I’d appreciate a Digg of the Jalopnik story here:

  20. 20
    Carnacki says:

    @Keith: Saw a picture of him under bright lights. It’s a double combover weave. Would love to see him with his hair wet. Bald in the middle and very long on both sides

  21. 21
    ABL says:

    @Amir_Khalid: I ganked it off google images, but I am happy to h/t the source, especially if that source is a BJ commenter!

  22. 22
    Keith says:

    Only worse hair I can think of is Big Ernie McKracken from “Kingpin”…and only during the finale. And it’s a close race, too.

  23. 23
    ABL says:

    @The Dangerman:!

    Don’t make me combover there!

  24. 24
    patroclus says:

    I want to see Trump’s driver’s license.

  25. 25
    dmsilev says:

    @ABL: Dunno the original source, but posters at the GOS were using that pun maybe a week or so ago.

    I salute whichever as-yet unknown genius who came up with it.

  26. 26
    Doug Harlan J says:

    I love “We Shall Overcomb”. Pure win.

  27. 27
    MikeJ says:

    @dmsilev: Hell toupee? It’s from the place everything is: The Simpsons.

  28. 28
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    Other Repubs to considered for the pace car and discarded:

    John McCain: He would drive around the track at 5 MPH with his turn signal on, stop at the end and yell at everyone to get off of his lawn.

    George Bush: He would drive around the track backwards.

    Sarah Palin: She would drive halfway around the track, stop, get out, whine about how it’s unfair that she’s not being allowed to drive a real indy car and then go on Fox Nooz to blame Obama.

    Anyone want to contribute? ;)

  29. 29
    dmsilev says:

    @MikeJ: No, the pun in the original post (‘We Shall Overcomb).

    Personally, I’m waiting for the day that Trump actually wins the nomination; at that point, he will become the Hair Apparent of the Republican Party.

  30. 30
    catclub says:

    The arc of the Donald’s hair is long… and bends towards flatulence.

  31. 31
    Svensker says:

    Thanks for making me laugh, ABL. Back home after a rough day out, feeling like crap, lying on the bed with the ‘puter, click onto BJ and see some 400+ post thread with Greenwald’s name on it and I ain’t even gonna open that sucker. Nuh uh. I’ll just hang out up here, all safe from the septic tank backup washing over everyone’s ankles down there. Yeesh.

    Also, too, Donald Trump is such a clown.

  32. 32
    Cat says:


    How does someone with such a horrible eye for hair get so much money?

    The same place all the other entitled elites do, their parents.

    I’m being unfair, I of course mean the “majority of of other entitled elites”. There are some entitled elites who actually started from scratch.

  33. 33
    Martin says:

    @Mark S.: Only if the hand puppet goes around complaining about people looting his productivity – in a trilogy.

  34. 34
    Valdivia says:


    I think you’re asking the wrong question. I think he has horrible hair because all the money he has enables him to surround himself with people who won’t tell him he looks like an ass. Yes-men all around, no one to show him his hair in the mirror.

  35. 35
    Martin says:

    Did anyone check to see if Trump can even drive? Dude’s from NY and takes a helicopter everywhere.

  36. 36
    Mr Furious says:

    How the fuck did Trump land that gig to begin with? I might ask that any year, but was he seriously the best they could come up with for the freaking 100th Anniversary of Indy?

  37. 37
    Joe Lisboa says:

    O/T: Chris Matthews show, anyone else just see the one 9/11 widow going off on the Muslim 9/11 widow for failing to call out radicalized American muslims? WTF?! Did that just happen?

  38. 38
    qwerty42 says:

    OT, but kinda related …
    I know Sullivan comes in for a lot of criticism, but when he’s right: John Yoo, Still A War Criminal.

  39. 39
    piratedan says:

    while Trump has been removed from consideration for driving the pace car, his toupee has been offered a gig as the new object du juor at Tucson Greyhound Racing…..

  40. 40
    El Cid says:

    Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation (i.e., Fox) is set to buy, or buy most of, Formula 1. He says he’ll transform its global appeal into a focus for a younger audience, given its aging fanbase.

    I guess it will have to be more like Fox than Fox Nooz, given the over 60 fanbase of Fox Nooz.

  41. 41
    soonergrunt says:

    @Odie Hugh Manatee: Scott Walker would intentionally drive several laps with the parking brake on to create a crisis, and then demand that his pit crew take a 50% pay cut.

  42. 42
  43. 43
    Martin says:

    @Mr Furious: Yeah, FYWP must have eaten my comment along those same lines. Dan Gurney or Carroll Shelby wasn’t available?

  44. 44
    piratedan says:

    @El Cid: well my guess is that they’ll liven’ it up by having them run down convicted felons on the racetracks bringing “Death Race 2000” to reality.

  45. 45
    El Cid says:

    @Martin: When he was a young guy staying at those Holiday Inn’s, he could barely afford a used Huey H1 to be flown in.

  46. 46
    LanceThruster says:

    Let him do it as long as the pace car is a convertible and he is not allowed to wear a helmet (great sponsorship opportunity for those helmet hair freeze sprays).

  47. 47
    Stooleo says:

    Totally awesome silde show of the War dogs.

    H.T. Sully

  48. 48
    Joel says:

    @Mark S.: I agree completely. Although some of my compatriots do not. The critics actually seem to like it.

    I mean, the premise of the movie is that a depressed man is cured by sticking his hand up a beaver.

  49. 49
    Martin says:

    @El Cid: Holy shit. He’ll destroy it.

  50. 50
    El Cid says:

    @piratedan: Too much work. Complex logistics.

    Get it announced by morning radio show DJ’s. Make the races air after 9 pm Eastern time US so that they can more easily use curse-words.

    Digitally substitute American flags over the hosting country, except the one race every year or so in the USA.

    Cut down on rules about naughty track behavior and fuel-saving engine restrictions. Make the designs look more typical to American viewers’ preferences, like NASCAR or with XTREME custom design and paint jobs.

    Every year have a live competition with aspiring F1 racers competing and then coming up to be judged by a celebrity panel, with F1 drivers and judges, but also by actors or actresses and popular athletes from other sports.

    There are so many possibilities.

  51. 51
    The Dangerman says:

    Bummer; I heard his theme music while he was in the Pace Car was going to be Steppenwolf’s “Magic Carpet Ride”.

  52. 52
    Citizen_X says:


    Hell toupee? It’s from the place everything is: The Simpsons.


  53. 53
    Martin says:

    @Joel: Well, when you put it that way…

    But aren’t there millions of brown wrapper movies with precisely the same premise?

  54. 54
  55. 55
    piratedan says:

    @El Cid: ahh hell, you just hook up with the private prison industry and set up new races in places like San Diego, Yuma, Nogales, El Paso, Laredo and Brownsville and use illegal immigrants, those people who survive get citizenship… see the land of opportunity and serving the bloodlusty needs of the American Public! Win! and Profit! besides, it hardly rains out here, so no worries about race rescheduling

  56. 56
    Robert Waldmann says:

    It might be relevant that if it weren’t for Barack Obama Chevrolet would be bankrupt.

  57. 57
    LanceThruster says:

    The “Homer” (by Powell Motors) is actually beginning to grow on me –

  58. 58
    Elizabelle says:

    I’m tired of hearing about Donald Trump.

    And Sarah Palin. They’re sideshows and their “sell by” date has passed.

    NYTimes: 44 GOP senators sign on to letter: they won’t approve head for Obama’s Consumer Financial Protection Bureau because that person would have too much power.

    Neither Lisa Murkowski nor Scott Brown signed the letter.

    The purpose of the new federal watchdog is to protect consumers from problems with mortgages, credit cards and other financial products, but Republicans contend that both the agency and its director would have too much power.

    “The bureau, as currently structured, lacks any semblance of the checks and balances inherent in the Constitution,” said Alabama Sen. Richard Shelby, top Republican on the Senate Banking Committee. “Everyone supports consumer protection, but we should never entrust a single person with this much power and public money.”

    Shelby also cautioned against the possibility that Obama might appoint a temporary director when Congress is in recess as a way to avoid Senate confirmation.

    “Senate confirmation is about accountability and giving the American people a voice in the process,” Shelby said. “I would hope the president won’t silence the people’s voice.”

    Republicans have enough votes to block a nominee to head the agency.

    The Senate won’t act on most of Obama’s nominees, and Shelby’s whingeing about the people’s voice being silenced.

    I think the people are just about screaming they’d like a go at the bankster culture.

    Shame Elizabeth Warren is deemed “controversial” and “not confirmable” because I think she’d be one of the most popular people in America if Joe and Jane SixPack got to hear much from her, directly.

  59. 59
    maus says:

    I wonder if there’s any way to contact developments and complain to them about Trump’s trashy name so they’ll stop licensing it out for their properties. At this point, all he’s selling is his personal brand, not actual real-estate deals.

  60. 60
    El Cid says:

    @piratedan: Yeah, but F1’s got to keep somewhat of the smaller lightweight cars. If you want to do the Deathrace, there’s always Dirt Track America, and those are filled with tough handmade cars with big tires slinging dirt and mud and with wild ass Real America fans there.

  61. 61
    Mark S. says:


    Wasn’t there some ridiculous sitcom that was basically Married With Children except the Al Bundy character talked to a stuffed animal? Please tell me I didn’t hallucinate this.

  62. 62
    Josie says:

    @Mark S.: I sort of remember that. Wasn’t the stuffed animal named Al or Hal or something similar?

  63. 63
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:



  64. 64
    Mark S. says:


    Thanks to google, here it is: Unhappily Ever After.

  65. 65
    Valdivia says:


    yep, it was short and brown with a long long nose. Can’t remember the name of it. Gawd.

    ETA: ALF?

  66. 66
    Mark S. says:


    According to imdb, Mr. Floppy.

  67. 67
    Josie says:

    @Mark S.: That is a different show from the one I’m thinking of.
    @Valdivia: Yes, Alf!

  68. 68
    Valdivia says:

    @Mark S.:

    I guess I focused on the animal thing instead. :)

    @Josie: yay! I was right. :)
    sorry Mark S….

  69. 69
    Josie says:

    @Mark S.: I was never lucky enough to see Mr. Floppy.

  70. 70
    gnomedad says:

    @Mark S.:

    OT—is this the most ridiculous looking movie ever?

    The beaver hates Jews! Not me!

  71. 71
    Mark S. says:


    If the beaver says sugar tits, I’m going to see it.

  72. 72
    Mark S. says:

    @Valdivia: @Josie:

    Maybe I’m the only person fortunate enough to have ever seen that show.

  73. 73
    GregB says:

    The penchant for racism tends not to rest in the bones dear Donald.

  74. 74
    Danny says:

    Renowned Orange Supremacist

  75. 75
    xian says:

    i love this take on saying racist shit while claiming not to be a racist:

    trump is so obviously a clown I’ve never understood people who fell for his bunkum. this is a guy who thinks he’s fooling people with a huge ridiculous comb-forward reverse hairspray flip.

  76. 76
    xian says:

    @ABL why do you insert blue text that looks like a link but isnt’t?

  77. 77
    Bex says:

    @Odie Hugh Manatee: Tim Pawlenty would drive off the track, over a bridge and… ooooops.

  78. 78
    maus says:

    @xian: I’d love to say it’s “ironic” watchers that are “in on it” but there’s a people beyond even THAT level of stupidity who think he’s a good businessman with a successful career.

  79. 79
    soonergrunt says:

    @Bex: :)

  80. 80
    priscianus jr says:


    How does someone with such a horrible eye for hair get so much money?

    Actually I was thinking of it more like “how is it that somebody with so much money can’t afford better hair?”

  81. 81
    Tuttle says:

    Man, fuck GM. They are bound and determined to ruin IndyCar (with the help of chief CART bungler Roger Penske).

    Next year IndyCar is set to introduce a new Dallara chassis, new engine suppliers (GM and Lotus joining Honda) and new aero-kits made by the engine and chassis manufacturers so that all the cars don’t look exactly the same. This is something fans have been clamoring for for decades now and is the best thing that could happen since the CART/IRL merger.

    Guess which engine manufacturer is throwing a hissy fit about having to make an aero-kit?

    As for F1… one Nazi buying it from another. Bernie Ecclestone is, after all, the rat bastard fuckwit who said Danica Patrick “should dress in white like all the rest of the domestic appliances”. At least they’re both really, really fucking old.

    And it’s not like the sport isn’t controlled by the FIA. You know, French Nazis. These are the moronic assholes who thought making Sebastian Loeb shave during rallies was the best way to increase WRC viewership rather than perhaps having more than two manufacturers involved in the sport.

  82. 82
    KevinA says:

    ^Tuttle speaks much truth, though I will say Keith Wiggins made a reasonable case. I don’t agree w/ it, but I understand.

    And don’t forget, Bernie’s the dumbfuck gnome who wanted to artificially wet tracks for “excitement.”

    BTW: AJ Foyt’s the new pace car driver.

  83. 83
    jimbo says:

    @Odie Hugh Manatee:

    I was doing fine this morning till I read your McCain comment. Your crass remark made me spit out my coffee and now my stomach hurts from laughing so much.

    In honor of Mr. Trump, I will be suing you.

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