Laughing to keep from crying.
This is nearly two years old. TWO YEARS OLD.
Ahem.
Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama’s Placenta
AUGUST 27, 2009 | ISSUE 45•35
WASHINGTON–In the continuing controversy surrounding the president’s U.S. citizenship, a new fringe group informally known as “Afterbirthers” demanded Monday the authentication of Barack Obama’s placenta from his time inside his mother’s womb. “All we are asking is that the president produce a sample of his fetal membranes and vessels—preferably along with a photo of the crowning and delivery—and this will all be over,” said former presidential candidate and Afterbirthers spokesman Alan Keyes, later adding that his organization would be willing to settle for a half-liter of maternal cord plasma. “To this day, the American people have not seen a cervical mucus plug, let alone one that has been signed and notarized by a state-certified Hawaiian health official. If the president was indeed born in the manner in which he claims, then where is his gestation sac?” Keyes said that if Obama did not soon produce at least a bloody bedsheet from his conception, Afterbirthers would push forward with efforts to exhume the president’s deceased mother and inspect the corpse’s pelvic bone and birth canal.
We’re already at circumcision papers. Surely exhumation can’t be far off.
[via The Onion]
[cross-posted at ABLC and whatever]
Sarah Proud and Tall
When you come back, it’s with a vengeance.
I love your work, dear.
fraught
Now we know why Hillary dropped out. Her circumcision papers weren’t in order.
Welcome back ABL.
Allan
Hmm… I’ve long suspected that the work of the Onionists was just too good, too dead-on, to be spontaneously generated parody. Wasn’t Professor von Hibbentropf of the University of Wisconsin doing pioneering work with four-dimensional space? And didn’t he vanish about the same time as the Onion was born there in the late 80s?
Could it be… no, it’s mad! I can’t even say it!
Could the Onion actually be news… from the future?!?
Martin
@Allan: It would make sense that the Onion is news from the future since Obama is from the future. That’s why there are these issues with the birth certificate – when you’re trying to change the future, you can’t anticipate all of the little secondary effects of your actions.
Yutsano
@Martin:
You would think his cover would be better planned out then. A few agents placed in the right places at the right times should cover things.
MikeJ
They did. They went back and carefully stole his *real* birth certificate just to make Republicans look like deranged loons. And it’s worked brilliantly.
Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal
this is why i am a guaner.
there is simply no other way to explain the current state of the right wing. they need to show the world where they got the batshit from.
James E. Powell
Sadly, no matter how bat-shit crazy the Republican Party gets, the 27% core will believe it and vote accordingly. Also too, another 10 to 20%, seeing repeated appearances of the story in the corporate press/media and applying smoke/fire reasoning, will go along with them.
Martin
@Yutsano: Ah, but you’re thinking that they know what the future will be. Obama was sent back to change the future. See, in the old timeline, McCain wins and dies early in office shot by a moose rifle from an unknown assassin on a snow machine. Palin takes over and the US goes full libertarian and not only prospers but comes to rule the planet. A rogue faction of gay Marxist Muslims sends Obama back to the past to change the course of US history. They don’t know what will come, as the defeat of McCain forever changes the course of history. They can anticipate certain outcomes, but mostly they’re playing this all by ear.
whitney
Ahhh my two favorites…
ABL…with a first comment by SPL. Happy Easter to me…
Thanks for lols. Seriously.
kdaug
You know, at a certain point, the pointing and laughing will no longer suffice. We’re going to need a strategy, and well-envisioned tactics, to take these clowns out at the polls.
I mean, Trump? Srsly?
Why not one of the plastic Kardashians? Or a botoxed fake-titted “Real Housewife from [X]” as President?
Someone help me here – what comes after “ludicrous”?
RossinDetroit
I’m wide awake now after only 3 hours’ sleep. Woke up with the perfect comeback to the Japanese schoolteacher who kept yelling JESUS CHRIST! at me at 6:30 am on Saturday because his classroom was locked.
l’esprit de l’escalier except in bed.
Martin
@kdaug:
Sarah Palin. It’s like a 12-step program – you have to go through the steps in order to make it to the finish.
Spaghetti Lee
I just finished this political cartoon re: the Wisconsin recall elections. I was wondering if I could get some critique on it?
http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/115/2/6/recall_them_all_by_jupiterwave-d3ettvc.jpg
Warren Terra
@Spaghetti Lee:
Look like quite good caricatures – something about the mouths doesn’t work for me, but it’s hardly fair for me to criticize given my own paltry talents – but they all look a little bit adorable. Not what you want if your message is “they’re bastards, boot them out”.
Spaghetti Lee
@Warren Terra:
Thanks! The format/style was in part inspired in this cartoon: http://www.palmbeachsun.net/RECALL-THEM-ALL.jpg which I find interesting almost because it was able to criticize politicians without making them into slimy grotesques a la Michael Ramirez.
gene108
You know whose Presidential ambitions were kept alive by Gov. Brewer’s veto of the Birther bill? Gov. “Bobby” Jindal (R-LA).
The man was born Hindu. Hindus don’t practice circumcision. Also, too he converted to Christianity in high school, so whatever baptismal rites he had were well after his birth.
Assuming he can’t get access to the long form vault copy of his birth certificate, i.e. he has to settle for the standard issue birth certificate everyone else gets from their state’s agency responsible for this, he’d be in worse shape than Obama, with regards to birtherism.
At least Obama’s mother was born in the USA. The same can’t be said about Jindal’s parents, who were legal immigrants to the USA, but not U.S. citizens at the time of his birth.
I’m sure “Bobby” is breathing a sigh of relief that he doesn’t have to get a circumcision to prove he’s qualified to be President.
gene108
@RossinDetroit:
Was he in Japan, where they probably have school on Saturdays or in the USA, where our children will emulate on of those Star Trek episodes, where they wipe out all the adults and try running everything themselves, if there was school on Saturdays?
P.S. If I had to go to school on Saturday, I’d have wanted to wipe out adults too. The thought makes me want to terrible things.
Montysano
@MikeJ:
“President Obama could end all this by just producing blah blah blah….”
If I’m Obama, no way I want to end it.
dmsilev
Wasn’t Obama’s mother cremated and the ashes scattered? That’d make exhumation challenging, to put it mildly.
Of course, says the conspiracist, this was all part of the plan to hide the evidence…
WereBear
If you are going to believe ridiculous things, it helps to have a lot of practice.
gypsy howell
Give it another year (hell, maybe only 4 or 5 months), and the only people NOT believing in birtherism will be us DFHs. Birtherism will be the default belief system for most of America, all republicans and everyone in the media.
You have to give Donald Trump one thing- he knows you can never go wrong underestimating the gullibility of the American public.
piratedan
@Spaghetti Lee: I dunno, I’d take the shortcut and draw a batch of pokemon balls and put their names on them and then call them Kochemon, that way they could be referred to a Koch Pocket Monsters, gotta recall them all…..
Cacti
Jan Brewer actually had a rare moment of sanity and vetoed the Arizona birther/circumcision papers bill.
When something’s a bridge too far even for her, you know you’ve gone off the rails.
asiangrrlMN
@Spaghetti Lee: I agree with Warren Terra. Nice job–too cute. I want to cuddle them.
@gene108: Same guy who said he would sign a birther bill if it hit his desk. Nice way to sell out your roots, Bobby.
@kdaug: I have to agree. No matter how ludicrous this issue is, it’s not going away. And, more and more people are doing the old, “Well, if it’s still around, there must be some truth to it” bullshit.
Gah. One step past ludicrous is batshitfuckingcrazyinsane.
Allan
@gene108: It’s actually worse for Jindal.
His mother was already three months pregnant when they arrived in the US.
And since life begins at conception, well, if he signs a birther bill in LA, he’ll have to sign his own resignation immediately thereafter.
Chukwu
http://www.theonion.com/articles/mitt-romney-haunted-by-past-of-trying-to-help-unin,20097/
I don’t get how this is satire. Isn’t this exactly what Romney’s doing right now?