Welcome to the Pleasuredome

Hello, my dears.

Just a quick post to introduce myself because while many of you have met me before, some of you may not yet have had the honour.

My name is Sarah Howard. I’m 92 and I currently reside at the Shady Pines Home for the Violently Senile in Spokane, WA. I’m a good Catholic, Republican woman, but I hope you won’t hold that against me too much.

With the assistance of my nephew Charles and his flatmate Kevin, I have set up a little blog called Sarah, Proud and Tall, on which I share some of the more interesting and illustrative incidents from my long and busy life. If you like reading about Bill Donoghue being nobbled with a laxative-based mickey finn, or about David Brooks being cornered by a octogenarian with chronic incontinence and a rodent fetish, or about Ayn Rand being cold-cocked by Gloria Vanderbilt, then you may enjoy wandering through my archives some time.

I have been loitering around the threads in Balloon Juice for the last couple of weeks, telling the occasional little story and then looking forlorn and weeping with my face against the wall due to the lack of attention being paid to me – a little bit like Mitt Romney at the Republican Party convention.

However, my frantic blogwhoring and frequent offers of cash must have had some effect. I was sitting in the luncheon room making spitballs for Michelle Bachmann’s visit that afternoon. I should note that Shady Pines is jam-packed with wealthy, widowed Republican women. Sandra Frazer’s husband owned half of Connecticut and at least one of its Senators for most of the twentieth century, Gloria Peters was the mistress of three successive governors of Texas and poor mad Marge Albrechtson was actually on the RNC for years. As such, everyone who sets up an exploratory committee comes crawling to Spokane to try and pry our money from our liver-spotted hands.

Anyway, in the midst of my preparations, I received an email from John Cole asking me if I would be prepared to share some of my stories with you from the hallowed ground of the Balloon Juice front page. Of course, I immediately said yes. As I was flying to New York that evening in Gloria Vanderbilt’s private jet, I suggested that I visit John in West Virginia to work out the details.

Later, after Mrs Bachmann had rushed from the building, her ears red and stinging, screeching that she would set her flying monkeys on us, I grabbed my Vuitton travelcase, stuffed my tea-cup chihuahua Mr Sprinkles in the side pocket of my handbag and headed for the airport.

The flight to West Virginia was a pleasant one. Gloria had stocked up on my favorite Ossetra and her steward, Simon, was as profligate with the Laurent Perrier as he usually is. We soon landed in West Virginia, and Simon had even organized for a police escort to whisk me to John’s house.

I was thrilled to meet John who, I am pleased to say, most closely resembles a young Sean Connery, with perhaps just a hint of William Howard Taft around the edges.

Dear little Lily got up on her back legs to snuffle at my handbag, and before we knew it she and Mr Sprinkles were happily chasing each other around the yard, with Rosie staggering and panting after them like Hayley Barbour on the trail of a roast pig.

After we had tea, John even took me in to see Tunch in his special room. His huge white furry bulk was slumped in the corner, fast asleep, and his Gamorrean guards were standing on either side of him. When he purred, his whiskers shook and the wall behind us vibrated. A young dark-haired woman in a metal bikini was slumped near him. She was also asleep. A long chain was clamped around her neck and extended across to Tunch, its end clutched in one of his mighty paws.

Just then, he slowly opened one yellow and baleful eye and examined us. His purring became louder and he inclined his head in what I can only describe as a benediction. Then his eye closed and he fell back to sleep as we backed carefully out of the room.

We had another nice cup of tea and then I went on my way to New York.

I can’t upload a picture of Mr Sprinkles because I am working from my iPad, but I will share one as soon as I can because I know you lot love the dog pictures.

Tonight, Gloria and I are off to see “Atlas Shrugged” and throw Medicare-subsidized cancer medication at the screen. I’ll try to report in tomorrow to tell you what it was like.

All my love,

Sarah
xx

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134 replies
  1. 1
    Tim F. says:

    Gamorrean guards. Awesome.

  2. 2

    Oh, Sarah. You are a cutie.

    Give my love to the girls.

  3. 3
    Violet says:

    Connery-Taft-esque. Exactly how I picture John.

  4. 4
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    then looking forlorn and weeping with my face against the wall due to the lack of attention being paid to me – a little bit like Mitt Romney at the Republican Party convention.

    Or like Paul Ryan who wasn’t invited to lunch with President Obama.

  5. 5
    R-Jud says:

    I always thought of Tunch as more like a pale, surly Totoro, but I guess I stand corrected.

    Also, how is Kay able to be so active in Ohio politics when she’s chained to Tunch in WV? Mysteries.

  6. 6
    Politically Lost says:

    Sara,

    Welcome to Balloon-Juice. I’m particularly interested in any tid-bits of information that you may have regarding one of our former masters of the universe, Mr. Allan Greenspan. If I remember correctly, you have had some further encounters to share about his interactions with with Ms. Rand.

    It will be a fascinating read. I look forward to hearing more from you.

    Thanks,

    PL

  7. 7
    Midnight Marauder says:

    Just then, he slowly opened one yellow and baleful eye and examined us. His purring became louder and he inclined his head in what I can only describe as a benediction. Then his eye closed and he fell back to sleep as we backed carefully out of the room.

    Amazing.

  8. 8
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    I am pleased to say, most closely resembles a young Sean Connery, with perhaps just a hint of William Howard Taft around the edges.

    Oh, this as brilliant as a thousand exploding suns.

  9. 9
    Elizabelle says:

    About time you were a front pager, Ms. Sarah P&T.

    You are like Eudora Welty without the treacle.

    Oh, and “darkies” and all that charming stuff from the Jim Crow era Ms. Welty chronicled.

  10. 10
    Scott says:

    Kickeeyuna mo Johncole doo tee puna puna, ho ho ho ho!

  11. 11
    PurpleGirl says:

    Sarah, you are hoot. Many thanks for this front page introduction. LOL.

  12. 12
    Fuck U6: A More Accurate Measure of the Total Amount of Duck-Fuckery in the Economy says:

    This crap was stupid when it debuted in the comments, and it hasn’t gotten any fresher since then.

    The shark, John? You jumped it.

  13. 13
    Warren Terra says:

    So, if Sarah has her own front page privileges – does that mean she isn’t DougJ, or that DougJ is taking his comment trolling to new heights?

  14. 14
    kdaug says:

    You wouldn’t happen to own a couple of ferrets and have a Starbuck affection, would you? Inquiring minds, yadda, yadda…

  15. 15
    mutt says:

    Its past time for some observation and perspective of mature character. I can only hope you extend needed gravitas to this polyglot of jejune writers….much as The Donalds candidacy has lent much needed gravitas to Teatard Nation………

  16. 16
    Elizabelle says:

    @Fuck U6: A More Accurate Measure of the Total Amount of Duck-Fuckery in the Economy:

    Jumping the shark?

    Maybe. David Brooks could not write this in his wildest Davos guest, TED speaker, elitist fantasies.

    At least this shark has teeth. And claws.

    Tonight, Gloria and I are off to see “Atlas Shrugged” and throw Medicare-subsidized cancer medication at the screen.

    I could read more of this.

  17. 17
    Jay in Oregon says:

    I’m not sure which entertained me more:

    I was thrilled to meet John who, I am pleased to say, most closely resembles a young Sean Connery, with perhaps just a hint of William Howard Taft around the edges.

    …or…

    After we had tea, John even took me in to see Tunch in his special room. His huge white furry bulk was slumped in the corner, fast asleep, and his Gamorrean guards were standing on either side of him. When he purred, his whiskers shook and the wall behind us vibrated. A young dark-haired woman in a metal bikini was slumped near him. She was also asleep. A long chain was clamped around her neck and extended across to Tunch, its end clutched in one of his mighty paws.

    Welcome to the front page, Sarah.

  18. 18
    South of I-10 says:

    Can’t wait to hear more stories, Sarah!

  19. 19
    MikeBoyScout says:

    This piece must be why I hear they are calling today Good Friday.

    2 questions…

    (I) Just how tall are you?
    (II) Other than Mr. Sprinkles and having personally met Tunch, what are you most proud of?

    Good Friday to you too, also.

  20. 20
    M-Pop says:

    Love it! Can’t wait to read more! MOAR!

  21. 21
    jl says:

    I will enjoy Sarah Proud and Tall’s front posts. Thanks, SPaT.

    It seems to me that the ever intertwining strands from her fugue states cast quite a bit of light on the unique and singular ‘strict geometrical logic’ of Cole’s analytical argument.

    Or something.

    Anyway, I like the piece, except for the tale tales and outrageous lies, and insultingly transparent attempts at gross deception. Tunch fits into a corner of any room that can, even in this day and age, even be conceived by the mind of man? No.

    As for Cole, that miserable lying fraud. Yeah, new site features, my ass. No dioramas, no wet bar, no strippers. And we were promised a raving megalomaniac psychotic centenarian front poster.

    SPaT is fine, but let’s face it, another Cole promise broken. I am writing Cole for full refund of my BJ dues. And I want it back all in pennies, since that is how I paid it.

    Seems like all the front posters here are interesting, seem relatively normal, and could do well for themselves. How did Cole rope them in? Some kind of blackmail.

  22. 22
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    One of the greatest things, if not the greatest thing, about BJ is that the commenters can write. Oh, can they write. Not only in coherent sentences, but with flair (many pieces of flair!) and aplomb. Aplomb out the wazoo.

    I am a ragged cloth in comparison.

  23. 23
    matryoshka says:

    Finally, someone to give us the real story on why John Cole is so obsessed with Andrew Sullivan.

  24. 24
    Jim C. says:

    “As such, everyone who sets up an exploratory committee comes crawling to Spokane to try and pry our money from our liver-spotted hands.”

    Sexy, rich AND with a sense of humor? Be still my heart! If only I wasn’t already married and was a couple of decades older so that I could be mature enough to pursue you. Sigh.

    In other news, I can already tell I’m going to get a great deal of amusement hearing your stories. Welcome to the blog! Looking forward to reading more.

  25. 25
    Svensker says:

    Cole, this PROVES your are not a SERIOUS political blogger.

    Also, too, Dolphins suck.

  26. 26
    JGabriel says:

    This is gonna be so much fun.

    Welcome to the stable (of front-pagers), SPaT!

    .

  27. 27
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Svensker:

    OK, I’ll give that comment a 7, points off for failure to denounce Stalin.

  28. 28
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    For some reason I’m getting this strange vibe that you and Angry Black Lady were seperated at birth. Except for the Angry part and the Black part, that is. But even if you aren’t actually long lost twins, you should be.

  29. 29
    MikeBoyScout says:

    Forgive me SPaT, but I actually have 3 questions and not 2 as I stated above.

    (III) As a fellow Washingtonian I need to know if the Shady Pines Home for the Violently Senile in Spokane, WA is the HQ location of the WA GOP think tank? If it is, it explains a lot (see 3 time loser Dino Rossi).

  30. 30
    jeffreyw says:

    What does this BJ reader want from Sarah? To quote from Sam Gompers: “More”!

  31. 31
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: Doesn’t he get a point back for gratuitous grammarfail?

    Welcome, Ms. Proud-Tall. Now that I know there is a home for the violently senile, I foresee a way that my two mothers-in-law can finally live together in peace, like the lion with the lamb, which will be a welcome relief from the current honey badger-and-cobra scenario.

  32. 32
    MikeJ says:

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I never knew there was a home for the violently senile, but it makes perfect sense that it’s in Spokane.

  33. 33
    EconWatcher says:

    This may be the single finest piece of writing ever to appear on this sorry blog.

  34. 34
    BD of MN says:

    Dear Ms. Proud and Tall, as I saw on your Facebook page a reference to being in the employ of the CIA, perhaps you could regale us with a tale or two of the Bush family…

  35. 35
    CT Voter says:

    Damn. This means I’ll probably have to swear off BJ for the entire workday.

    The snorting and helpless giggling would attract too much attention.

  36. 36
    Alex S. says:

    First Tim F. and now Sarah, what’s with all the fictional front-pagers?

    Also, too:
    Trig Palin probably Sarah’s child after all
    …since we aren’t talking much about Sully lately…

  37. 37
    13th Generation says:

    Jeebus, how many front pagers do we have now?

  38. 38
    Fuck U6: A More Accurate Measure of the Total Amount of Duck-Fuckery in the Economy says:

    Elizabelle: Hey, whatever gets you deeper down the navel.

  39. 39
    slag says:

    Pleasuredome? I certainly hope this doesn’t mean we’re getting rid of the Thunderdome! It can’t be all Gamorrean guards around here as man cannot live by Tunch alone.

  40. 40
    pragmatism says:

    FIFY: After we had tea, John even took me in to see Tunch in his special room. His huge white furry bulk was slumped in the corner, fast fat asleep

    you, sarah p&t, are a delight. please read that as will ferrell playing james lipton on inside the actor’s studio.

  41. 41
    soonergrunt says:

    There’s really only one thing to do here. Sit, quietly awestruck.

  42. 42
    Jewish Steel says:

    FP! Richly deserved. Glad I’m not the only one thinking you should be kicked upstairs.

  43. 43
    David Brooks (not that one) says:

    If you like reading about…David Brooks being cornered by a octogenarian with chronic incontinence and a rodent fetish…

    Aaaagh! The flashbacks!

  44. 44
    srv says:

    Sarah, do you appear in Gloria’s Obsession?

  45. 45
    Valdivia says:

    Love you Sarah.
    your ultimate fan
    Valdivia

  46. 46
    Common Sense says:

    @Fuck U6: A More Accurate Measure of the Total Amount of Duck-Fuckery in the Economy:

    This crap was stupid when it debuted in the comments, and it hasn’t gotten any fresher since then.

    Well SOMEONE just blew their shot at front pager status…

    I can’t wait to read more from you Sarah. Awesome. Treats our political system with exactly the respect and dignity it deserves.

  47. 47
  48. 48

    Sp&t has to tell the story about the time doug j came to town and successfully lobbied to have the shady pines institute for the violently senile changed to the much warmer, less stigmatizing, shady pines home for the violently senile.

    ultimately his ability to overcome the objections about printing costs and environmental concerns surrounding the name change was a tour de force.

  49. 49
    Quarks says:

    John, thank you for bringing this lovely lady on. If only for:

    Tonight, Gloria and I are off to see “Atlas Shrugged” and throw Medicare-subsidized cancer medication at the screen. I’ll try to report in tomorrow to tell you what it was like.

  50. 50
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Common Sense:

    Treats our political system with exactly the respect and dignity it deserves.

    No. Hunter S Thompson already did that.

  51. 51

    However, my frantic blogwhoring and frequent offers of cash must have had some effect.

    Damn. I must be doing it wrong.

  52. 52
    BGinCHI says:

    I assume Sarah P&T t-shirts and tote bags are in the works.

    Awesome FP choice, Cole.

    Quite the stable now.

  53. 53
    Poopyman says:

    Welcome to the front page, Ms S,P&T! I’ve always enjoyed your comments, and hope to enjoy your posts. But I was struck cold by one small detail in your tale that tells me you may be, eh, enhancing your story.

    Tunch never, ever purrs.

  54. 54
    Poopyman says:

    OT, but since we’re approaching openthreadageddon I don’t know where else to mention this. It seems everyone’s favorite Yosemite Sam impersonator has gone on a shootin’ spree.

    DEARBORN, Mich. — A controversial anti-Muslim pastor from Florida accidentally fired his .40-caliber handgun while he was at a FOX television studio Thursday night, according to police.
    __
    Terry Jones, 59, of Gainesville, was getting in the passenger side of his car at 11:10 p.m. after an interview when the Taurus handgun went off, sending a bullet into the floorboard, Southfield Police Lt. Nick Loussia said Friday.

  55. 55
    demkat620 says:

    A 92 year old blogwhoring?
    I think I am in love.

    Hola Sarah!

  56. 56
    Loneoak says:

    OMG, Balloon Juice scored Sarah Proud and Tall! Total win. Very happy about this.

  57. 57
    BGinCHI says:

    @Poopyman: He’s a Hessian, without no aggression.

  58. 58
    Hawes says:

    Spokane?

    I think we now know who Jesus’ General’s mom is.

  59. 59
    trollhattan says:

    @MikeBoyScout:

    Remember, that bit of Washington has been annexed to Idaho, only they didn’t want to pay government looters to update the maps so it’s still displayed as the old configuration.

    SP&T can turn a phrase, fer sure.

  60. 60

    I did not know John was in West Virginia.

    Also. Too.

  61. 61

    A controversial anti-Muslim pastor from Florida accidentally fired his .40-caliber handgun while he was at a FOX television studio Thursday night, according to police.

    ZOMG. The jokes just write themselves.

    Darwin Award Future Winner.

  62. 62
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    @Southern Beale:

    Darwin Award Future Winner

    Can we PLEASE get him into a meeting with the Phelps clan? I’d pay for the automatic weapon with extra-large clip myself.

  63. 63
    montana says:

    Great stuff, despite what David Brooks…oops…I mean FuckU6…grumbles about. Also, the Sarah P&T blog is the has some of the most hilarious writing I have seen in years. The image of Trump running and screaming, naked, hair flapping behind him and stomach flapping in front of his with a dog named Frou-Frou chomping on his balls will be what I see everytime he is yapping on the tv or wherever.

  64. 64
    Citizen_X says:

    @Poopyman:

    everyone’s favorite Yosemite Sam impersonator

    “Dagnabbed horseless carriage!” BLAM! BLAM! “Take that, ya Mooslim-y varmints!”

  65. 65
    Poopyman says:

    @Southern Beale:

    Darwin Award Future Winner.

    The Darwin is awarded to someone who removes himself from the gene pool before replicating. Sadly. I don’t think Jones qualifies.

    And now I feel icky just thinking about that.

  66. 66
    jl says:

    Edit: for FU6 and other party poopers:

    Yeah, well, weird tall tales peopled with satirical takes on celebrities and even minor deities (ie, Tunch) aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. So what? SPaT is OK with me. Sometimes I fade out before she is done, but usually not.

    But really, this blog community has spent considerable attention on Cole’s angst when stepping in pet poo at 3 AM, Cole hurting himself lying in an easy chair, and Cole freaking out when his fat white cat stared at him naked in the bathroom.

    So, Cole, or Balloon-Juice, jumps the shark? That is ancient, and often repeated, history, IMVHO. No very serious person can dispute that.

    No offense, but this blog jumping that shark is a given, in my book. Love it or leave, you damn dirty hippies.

  67. 67
    Dee Loralei says:

    This makes me inordinately happy. I mean way, way, way happier than I should feel about a front pager. Now if only ABL would come back, then I’d be ecstatic.

    Good call, John.

  68. 68
    Citizen_X says:

    My Dearest Sarah:

    Because you clearly travel in only the best Republican circles, I think it’s safe to assume you have had some personal dealings with one Mr. Andrew Sullivan. It seems some of us have a singular obsession…er, fascination with this leading conservative thinker. Perhaps you have some particularly illuminating recollections of dear Andrew with which you may favor us, hmm?

    And Mr. Poopyman?

    Tunch never, ever purrs.

    Oh, yes he does. And it’s terrifying.

  69. 69
    IrishGirl says:

    I think a nice touch would have been a parting fart from Tunch. One of those nasty, protein laden hissing ones that cats are wont to produce.

  70. 70
    Ash Can says:

    Simply awesome.

    I remember when SP&T started showing up in the comments here. She was so dry it took a comment or two for it to sink in that she wasn’t serious. After a few more comments, it became apparent that she was not just a spoof deluxe, she was in a class by herself.

    Again I say, awesome.

  71. 71
    AnotherBruce says:

    This is great, more of this please.

  72. 72
    cynickal says:

    Welcome Ms. P&T from the wet side of the state.

    And thank you continental drift for corralling all the violent toothless safely in the center of the country and away from civilization.

  73. 73
    Keith G says:

    Sarah, I am a fan. Cole, great move. Thanks.

  74. 74
    darkmatter says:

    Fantastic first front page SP&T. I look forward to more crazy-awesome front page posts from you in the near future.

  75. 75
    Baquist says:

    Welcome, SPaT!!

    So sad I’ll have to wait till home to read you. Can’t be giggling too loud at work now…………… along with @ CTVoter. I want to be you when I grow up…………

  76. 76
    dave says:

    Less this, more DeBoer?

  77. 77
    PeakVT says:

    I was thrilled to meet John who, I am pleased to say, most closely resembles a young Sean Connery, with perhaps just a hint of William Howard Taft around the edges.

    So full of win.

  78. 78
    Emma says:

    Dear God, you are brilliant. I clicked through to the Atlas Shrugged entry — suffice it to say, I will book-mark you as soon as I clean the Pepsi off the laptop.

  79. 79
    Hermione Granger-Weasley says:

    Hai morzer.

  80. 80
    Upper West says:

    @PeakVT: agreed — absolutely brilliant. From now on reading Sarah’s posts require a strict no beverage rule.

  81. 81
    vernon says:

    OK, Charles & Kevin, I’m among the few who will abstain from praising you to the skies just to show that I get it… Instead, I’ll opine that your stuff, while not too good, is good enough to show that you can do better.

    It’s a nice premise. Do better.

  82. 82
    YellowJournalism says:

    I was thrilled to meet John who, I am pleased to say, most closely resembles a young Sean Connery, with perhaps just a hint of William Howard Taft around the edges.

    That’s fine art right there.

  83. 83
    4jkb4ia says:

    The readers have spoken. Nay, they have created the ideal Balloon Juice commenter to grace the FP.

  84. 84
    Arundel says:

    I’m a fan, looking forward to more from SP&T, yay. Humorous memoirs featuring Capote, Vidal, and Vanderbilt are so in my wheelhouse. Whatever that means. (Throw in Vreeland for a third V, won’t you?) Great stuff.

  85. 85
    4jkb4ia says:

    “Fantasy” Balloon Juice commenter. And the Tunch paragraph was genius.

  86. 86
    dan says:

    Parody is hard.

  87. 87
    dan says:

    @jl: “this blog community has spent considerable attention on Cole’s angst when stepping in pet poo at 3 AM”

    yeah, but he can sum that up in a sentence or 2.

  88. 88
    Bob says:

    You are sweet. Such an interesting life, each and every piece rings with truth and universal application.

    Hope you have time it catch “Book of Morman” while you are in the city. Would love to here you thoughts. Bobo had his say in the NYT today. I wiped my ass with it.

    Be good:)

  89. 89
    BGinCHI says:

    @Bob: I’m guessing Bobo thought it was the “Book of Moron” and thought he’d see his life story on stage.

  90. 90
    jinxtigr says:

    The great thing about this is that Sarah can do as HST did: mingle mad fantasy with plain and simple truth. It’s not her fault, and it wasn’t HST’s fault, that these things become indistinguishable, and it is strangely liberating. As long as there’s a streak of wild surmise in there, you can recount stories you otherwise wouldn’t be able to tell. For instance, Ayn Rand did not actually steal tips or get invited to such affairs, but she was arrested for shoplifting, so the moral truth of the story is still perfectly true :)

  91. 91
    BR says:

    @Alex S.:

    First Tim F. and now Sarah, what’s with all the fictional front-pagers?

    I don’t understand this comment. Is Tim F. a pseudonym? And my satire detector is failing me with Sarah – is she actually somewhat similar to her self description, or is ‘she’ actually some 22 year old bored blogger?

  92. 92
    Fuck U6: A More Accurate Measure of the Total Amount of Duck-Fuckery in the Economy says:

    Sarah, Plain & Small: Hey, you had your chance to make nice with the Duck, but you decided to pass, so fuck you!

  93. 93
    JC says:

    First Tim F. and now Sarah, what’s with all the fictional front-pagers?

    I agree with BR – is Tim F. a fictional front pager now? Or is that said simply tongue in cheek?

    I’ve always assumed Tim F. is, you know, a real guy. Not very good humor fiction, as is SPaT, here.

  94. 94
    JC says:

    Also, the level of trollery, pretend people, is getting so high, I don’t know who is snarking, who is keeping it real, and who is keeping it real by snarking, anymore…

  95. 95
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    @JC:

    Also, the level of trollery, pretend people, is getting so high, I don’t know who is snarking, who is keeping it real, and who is keeping it real by snarking, anymore…

    It has always been that way in that comments, at least for as long as I’ve been lurking. Putting DougJ on the front page was sort of like opening the Seventh Seal of Spoof, so it was inevitable that we’d reach this point. I’m surprised it took this long, actually.

  96. 96
    Jay in Oregon says:

    @montana:

    The image of Trump running and screaming, naked, hair flapping behind him and stomach flapping in front of his with a dog named Frou-Frou chomping on his balls will be what I see everytime he is yapping on the tv or wherever.

    It’s not that what she writes is true, but that it’s real.

  97. 97
    bjacques says:

    Welcome, ma’am.

  98. 98
    dlnelson says:

    You are a breath of fresh air. Love your stories.

  99. 99
    Kewalo says:

    Welcome…I am delighted that Sarah is going to be a front pager. I don’t always have time to read all the comments so this is just great for me.

    Humor is one of the reasons I’ve kept coming around. Life is too deadly serious much of the time so this will be a nice balance.

    Thanks John.

  100. 100
    furioso ateo says:

    I’m guessing parody, maybe DougJ. If so, try harder.

    If not, then here’s a byline I’ll be looking out for. And then skipping the post that follows.

  101. 101
    David Brooks (not that one) says:

    @Ash Can:

    She was so dry it took a comment or two for it to sink in that she wasn’t serious.

    What??? You mean…?

  102. 102
    Cain says:

    Awesome.. had my sputtering with laughter.. looking forward to more awesome posts!

  103. 103
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:

    @jinxtigr: That’s an outstanding observation, and should I continue on this alliterative rampage, would someone please shoot me? kthnxbai

  104. 104
    opie jeanne says:

    Dear Sarah, I have enjoyed your posts here immensely and I’ve wandered over to your blog just to giggle some more. Alas, I am no longer a Republican woman and I’m not sure if there will be money left by the time I’m a widow, but I’m sure my children will want to send me to Shady Pines Home for the Violently Senile in Spokane since it’s not so terribly long a drive from Seattle, just far enough that I won’t unduly inconvenience them. I look forward to that day when we are roommates; even though I’m only 61 it can’t be too far in the future, and maybe my husband will be proactive once he hears about this place.

    Dear John Cole, thank you for giving Sarah front page space.

  105. 105
    opie jeanne says:

    @jinxtigr: HST? Harry S. Truman?

  106. 106
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:

    @opie jeanne: Clever; the great gonzo journalist would laugh at that, I’d bet.

  107. 107
    Ab_Normal says:

    @trollhattan: Oh, fuck no, it’s bad enough living next to Idaho without being part of it. It’s best described as a miasma, I think…

    Miz Sarah, do let me know if you’re in need of some home cooking. As long as you don’t mind it gluten-free.

  108. 108
    opie jeanne says:

    @a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q): I have my moments, but they come less frequently than before.

  109. 109
    Rihilism says:

    I’m on to you Sarah. Your first blog post and you have already invented a comments stalker who utters the phrase “make nice with the Duck”. Brilliant! Bravo! I bow to your superior parody skilz….

  110. 110
    montana says:

    @Fuck U6: A More Accurate Measure of the Total Amount of Duck-Fuckery in the Economy: Just guessing, of course. But you are one of those types who looks at your image in a concave mirror and believes that is exactly what you look like. Am I warm?

  111. 111
    Rihilism says:

    Congrats, btw. Since others have already done so, might I request you makes attempts to penetrate the Seroquel fog and grace us with any Olivia de Havilland anecdotes you may recall…

  112. 112
    Chris Grrr™ says:

    So – m_c is too busy to frontpage, huh?

    What a revelatory decision, Cole. The craving for page-views must be incomparably disorienting.

  113. 113
    licensed to kill time says:

    Where shall we send our Miss Lonelyhearts letters, SPaT? I am quite sure you would have the most excellent advice. I searched in vain for your contact link.

    Simply stellar, Sarah!

  114. 114
    cthulhu says:

    I will have to admit that I am looking forward to the inevitable epic cat fight between ABL and SPT…

  115. 115
    Studly Pantload, Vibrant Trollbot for Obama says:

    I like to think ’twas I who led the charge to get our Ms. Proud’n’Tall on the front page. And a rich realization ’tis.

    Anyhoo, that’ll do it for my starfuckery for the next year or so.

  116. 116
    asiangrrlMN says:

    Ms. Sarah, I am profoundly happy that you have made the front page of BJ, your description of my beloved Tunchie, notwithstanding. I, too, wish I were a few decades older so that I could offer you the position as my fake-mistress. Alas, some dreams are never meant to be.

  117. 117

    FUCK YEAH!

    i mean… ahem.

    ::polite applause::

  118. 118

    @cthulhu: pfft. sarah and i are already pals on facebook. it’s that freddie character who should watch his back.

    dunh dunh DUNNNNNHHHHHH.

  119. 119

    Well-done Cole.

    ~flies back to Angry Black Cave~

  120. 120
    Yutsano says:

    @Angry Black Lady: Oh sure, drop three comments and leave. You could have at least stayed for drinks. Jeez. I even made tapas.

  121. 121
    cthulhu says:

    @Angry Black Lady: I don’t think being pals on FB necessarily eliminates the possibility of an epic cat fight. OH PLEASE TELL ME THAT IT DOESN’T ELIMINATE THE POSSIBILITY OF AN EPIC CAT FIGHT…

  122. 122
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Yutsano: Want. Tapas.

    @cthulhu: I’d pay monies to see that.

  123. 123
    Yutsano says:

    @asiangrrlMN: I refuse to allow any harm to come to my dear sweet Euvegenia. And yes I will deathmatch over this. Though she is quite capable of handling her own affairs.

    Gallinas de madre is one of my favorite tapas. Although baked ricotta with Valencia orange is nom too. And baked olives.

  124. 124
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Yutsano: Oh, I would be so torn. On the one hand, S,PT. I adore her and look up to her so much. On the other hand, ABL. My overlady and true pal. What’s a grrl to do??????

  125. 125
    Yutsano says:

    @asiangrrlMN: There can be no ambiguity here. Pick a side. And deal with the inevitable fate of the consequences.

    (being ebil is fun. No wonder I enjoy my job so much.)

  126. 126
  127. 127
    opie jeanne says:

    @Chris Grrr™: I missed this bulletin. I read the demand, but I never saw the response from Mr Cole. Or did I misunderstand and you think they are the same person? Not possible.

  128. 128
    opie jeanne says:

    @asiangrrlMN: Love them both?

  129. 129
    cthulhu says:

    @Angry Black Lady: Seems like you are outahere but was wondering if you were at the thing at Sony last night?

  130. 130
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Yutsano: Nooooooooooo!
    @opie jeanne: Oh, I do. But, if it comes to a ‘fight to the death’ match between them, how shall I ever choose?

  131. 131
    Ecks says:

    Dear Mrs. Sarah Point after Touchdown,

    You present us with a hard choice:

    Option the firste: To fall for you like an oenophile does with the dust of a newfound 92 year old bottle of Domaine Romanée-Conti (because Little Penguin hasn’t been around that long).

    Option the seconde: To pucker a live duck up our collective ani, after packing it with caviar, marbles, and C4.

    Option the thirde: Straight up onanism.

    I choose one… of these. Welcome to the rarefied airs of the Balloon-juice front page. It sounds like a natural fit for your own rarefied airs.

  132. 132
    taylormattd says:

    @Warren Terra: I kind of think it’s Jim Newell.

  133. 133
    otmar says:

    Nice post. Just one thing piqued my curiosity: Is the Shady Pines Home just next to the Fletcher Memorial Home?

    (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.....orial_Home)

  134. 134

    […] some of you may be aware, I recently posted my maiden post on Balloon Juice, in which I described my quick visit to see that nice Mr Cole and his lovely pets while I was on my […]

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