Boehner Cried Over the Government Shutdown — SHOCKING!

No orange, No cry

Boehner’s blubbering again — probably because he’s super sad that he can’t control the idiotic petulant Teabillies:

John Boehner was driven to tears again today. This time it happened at a closed-door meeting of House Republicans.

According to sources inside the meeting, Boehner it happened while Boehner was speaking to the group about the latest on his negotiations with Democrats over government funding. Boehner talked about his meeting yesterday with President Obama and then, in a rousing conclusion, he thanked the House Republicans for standing by him and supporting him through these tense negotiations.

The Republican conference responded with a standing ovation for their speaker.

As you could imagine, that prompted the Speaker to cry.

“Yes,” said one person at the meeting, “He cried, but only briefly.”



Hey John? You’re getting orange tanner all over the upholstery. Get your shit together.

[skip to @24s to skip the powerpoint silliness]

(H/T @aliceinthewater!)

[cross-posted here at ABLC]

39 replies
  1. 1
    MikeJ says:

    Please for the love of god stop using h4 headers or change the damned stylesheet so they don’t look like links.

  2. 2
    OzoneR says:

    It seems pretty clear from watching the evening news, between the Chris Christie/John Boehner twin blowjobs on ABC, which featured Jake Tapper telling us how President Obama will definitely get paid in the shutdown, but Boehner did not want to get paid, to reminding us that this is the Democrats’ fault for not passing a budget last year to the wonderful fellatios of Paul Ryan on Fox and NBC, that the media is going on a all out assault on the Democrats this time.

    Don’t expect a repeat of 1995.

  3. 3
    Dick Move says:

    Would it be too elitist of me to suggest that Boehner may actually suffer from undiagnosed and untreated emotional instability? I mean, setting aside the need for attention and the desire to manipulate by whatever means possible, that is.

  4. 4
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    Someone needs to make a short clip of orange crap sloughing off of Boehner’s face as he’s bawling, with the end shot being of his true lizard countenance and an evil grin.

    It would go viral in a heartbeat.

  5. 5
    EconWatcher says:

    I’m from almost the exact same background as Boehner is–midwestern, blue-collar, catholic boys’ high school–and man-weeping just doesn’t cut it in that crowd.

    Where did he pick up this habit?

  6. 6
    Josie says:

    @EconWatcher: In a bottle

  7. 7
    RosiesDad says:

    @Dick Move:

    Would it be too elitist of me to suggest that Boehner may actually suffer from undiagnosed and untreated emotional instability?

    I think this has already been (widely) suggested and there is likely some validity to the observation.

  8. 8
    Ronc99 says:


    Let’s dispense with the niceties. John Boehner really IS a pussy!

  9. 9
    Spaghetti Lee says:

    Tears of a clown.

  10. 10
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:

    @Dick Move: He’s a late stage boozer, where that sort of thing often shows up, based on the other one’s I’ve observed.

  11. 11
    Jay B. says:

    If there was only something substantive to criticize Boehner for!

    Seriously, who gives a fuck that he cries? He’s a lying scumbag who wants to kill your grandmother. Crying, even if he’s lying about that too, merely makes him look more human than he deserves.

  12. 12
    Maude says:

    @Dick Move:
    I have known more than one person who cries easily. It is a part of their personality. They would cry at things that didn’t seem sad.
    This doesn’t bother me.

  13. 13
    sukabi says:

    back in the day, if Boner were a woman he would have been given a prescription for tranquilizers for his “delicate condition”… oh, and carted off to “rest up” in a sanitarium.

    if Pelosi or any woman in congress cried as much as this turd, they’d be flushed during their next election.

  14. 14
    eemom says:

    No orange no cry. I LUVS it.

    @Dick Move:

    nah. He’s just a garden variety drunk.

  15. 15
    eemom says:


    tranquilizers for his “delicate condition”

    iirc, it was also called “the vapors.” Tee hee.

  16. 16
    aimai says:


    Well, they can’t remove his uterus and cure his hysteria that way. Not just because he doesn’t have one but because Republicans don’t let anyone use that word.

    PS. ABL I love you for this post.


  17. 17
    Dee Loralei says:

    @sukabi: Back in the day, they also gave hysterical women a vibrator to help her calm down. It’s the reason vibrators were invented. Ok Boehner with a vibrator, just threw up in my mouth a little. Sorry all!

  18. 18

    @Dee Loralei: and there goes my lunch.

    @sukabi: exactly. they would be all over pelosi like brown on shit.

  19. 19

    they are tears of courage! tears of power, little known fact, every time sun tzu won a battle, or completed a chapter, or got a request for a rewrite from his publisher, he cried.

    some lisa lisa and the cult jam dedicated to our national hero, the man who is the supernaturally complected iron eyes cody of good government.

    And you, don’t you know my tears will burn the pillow
    Set this place on fire ’cause I’m tired of your lies
    All I needed was a simple “Hello”
    But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear my cry

    Ah, I gave you my love in vain
    My body never knew such pleasure
    My heart never knew such pain
    And you, you leave me so confused
    Now I’m all cried out over you

    Oh, you. All over you, oooh.

    Never wanted to see things you way
    I had to go astray, oh, why was I such a fool?
    Now I see that the grass is greener [why oh why]
    Is it too late for me to find my way home,
    How could I be so wrong? [Leavin’ me all alone]

    Don’t you know the heart will cause an inferno
    Romance up in flames, why should I take the blame
    You were the one who left me neglected [I’m so sorry]
    Apology not accepted, add me to the broken hearts you collected

  20. 20
    Lolis says:

    Too bad he doesn’t shed any tears for the American people.

  21. 21

    @aimai: yup! remember when hillary got chocked up for a nanosecond? how long did we hear about it? crikey.

    i’m not saying the man is a pussy. in the words of rosey grier, “it’s all right to cry; crying takes the sad out of you.”

    but for fuck’s sake. is it necessary to cry every time someone claps for you?

    and if he is a drunk, then homey needs to handle that business.

  22. 22

    @Fucen Pneumatic Fuck Wrench Tarmal: oh snap! lisa lisa and cult jam. i went with a more hippy choice.

  23. 23
    geg6 says:

    @Dee Loralei:

    That vibrator thing is totally true. I’ll never forget learning that while researching a term paper in a women’s history class in college. I found it funny and disturbing all at once. The tool the patriarchy handed out to women who wouldn’t knuckle under to them was actually an instrument many of those women used to attain a form of self-actualization and, at least in one area of their lives, take control away from men. And putting it in the women’s own hands, so to speak.

  24. 24

    @Angry Black Lady:

    i barely had time to edit in “sun tzu” which makes the first part make somewhat sense.

  25. 25
    Meg says:

    I guess I just won the prize by predicting that he would cry a few days ago.

  26. 26
    sukabi says:

    @Dee Loralei: he can borrow Bill O’Reilly’s…

  27. 27
    aimai says:

    @Angry Black Lady:

    Oh my god, I had such a crush on Rosy Grier when I was a little girl. I used to watch him on Daniel Boone.


  28. 28
    General Stuck says:

    Boehner cried, people sighed.

  29. 29
    SFAW says:

    Boehner really IS a pussy!

    Aren’t there porn sites for that stuff?

    No orange, no cry

    Said I remember when we used to shut
    The government down in D C
    Then Teabaggers would make the fire light
    And Dems were burnin’ through the night
    Then we would cook the books a little more
    Tax cuts, I’ll share with me

    My bottle is my only carriage
    So I’ve got to drink on through
    But while I sob …

    All the rich are gonna be alright
    All the rich are gonna be alright
    All the rich are gonna be alright
    All the rich are gonna be alright
    All the rich are gonna be alright
    All the rich are gonna be alright
    All the rich are gonna be alright
    All the rich are gonna be alright

    No Boehner, no cry
    No, no Boehner, no cry
    Oh little pussy, don’t shed no tears
    No Boehner, no cry

    My apologies for defiling a great, great song

  30. 30
    Ronc99 says:

    Boehner cried, world laughed in unison!

  31. 31


    high-larious, sacred cows make the best steak, no apology needed.

  32. 32
    SFAW says:

    Fucen Gambolputty … of Ulm –

    If it makes any difference, I was almost in tears when I “wrote” that.

    Un/fortunately, my skin is not even close to orange, so …

  33. 33
    eemom says:


    awesome! And I’m sure Bob would totally have approved.

    He was on OUR side.

    Get up, stand up
    Stand up for your rights
    Get up, stand up
    Don’t give up the fight


    Most people think
    great God will come from the sky
    take away everything
    and make everybody feel high
    But if you know what life is worth
    you will look for yours on earth….

  34. 34
    ruemara says:

    Don’t mess with Crying Freeman, yo. He’ll mess you up with his tears.

  35. 35
    SFAW says:

    eemom –

    I know where his sentiments were. I just hate the idea of sullying (as opposed to Sully-ing, of course) his creation by inserting references to that lying, crying, orange mofo.

  36. 36
    Mark P. Kessinger says:

    Sentimentality, the ostentatious parading of excessive and spurious emotion, is the mark of dishonesty…the wet eyes of the sentimentalist betray his aversion to experience, his fear of life, his arid heart; and it is always, therefore, the signal of secret and violent humanity, the mark of cruelty.

    -James Baldwin, “Everbody’s Protest Novel” (1949).

  37. 37
    DPirate says:


    I wonder what he’s like in person. In print he’s just a clown.

  38. 38
    Pat says:

    He is crying for all those cocktail hours he is missing because of some stupid budget.

  39. 39
    Admiral_Komack says:

    @Angry Black Lady:

    I’ll say it.

    John Boehner is not only a pussy, he’s the teabaggers bitch.

    The whiny fuck.

    Yeah, I said it.

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