Sheriff Joe Arpaio: “You Want Police State? I Got Your Police State Right Here!”

Jesus Take the Wheel

Sheriff Joe is one banana short of a bunch.

You may recall him from such features as “Honey, I Racially Profiled The Kids” and “The Pendejo Who Shoved Christmas Down Your Throat and Made You Choke On It.” Well, this little nugget of WTF should have you1 running to get the fuck out of Maricopa County.

You see, Jesus Llovera was a suspected cockfighter. Sheriff Joe wasn’t having any of it. Determined to show Jesus who was god by going full metal jacket on Jesus’s ass, Sheriff Joe rolled up to Jesus’s house in a tank. With a SWAT team. And a bomb robot. And… wait for it…

Steven Seagal.

You might think I’m kidding; would that I were:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio rolled out the tanks to take down a man suspected of cockfighting.

West Valley residents in the neighborhood are crying foul after armored vehicles, including a tank, rolled into their neighborhood to make the bust.

Neighbor Debra Ross was so worried she called 911 and went outside where a nearby home had its windows blown out, was crawling with dozens of SWAT members in full gear, armored vehicles and a bomb robot.

“When the tank came in and pushed the wall over and you see what’s in there, and all it is, is a bunch of chickens,” Ross said.

In a massive show of force on Monday, the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office executed a search warrant and arrested the homeowner, Jesus Llovera, on charges of suspected cockfighting.

Llovera was alone in the house at the time of the arrest, and he was unarmed.

“I think taxpayers should be shocked,” said Robert Campus, Llovera’s attorney. Campus said he believes the operation costs tens of thousands of dollars.

Deputies had no probable cause to believe Llovera was armed or dangerous, according to Campus.

Campus said he believes the entire scene was basically a stage, to help actor Steven Seagal’s TV show, “Lawman.”

Seagal was riding in the tank.

The Sheriff’s Department has entered into a contract with Seagal and part of that contract gives Seagal carte blanche to go along with the sheriff as he arrests people.

Thousands of dollars in damages were made to the property and 115 birds were euthanized on the spot.

Llovera was convicted of a misdemeanor last year of attending a cockfight and has no history of owning weapons.

Yet the sheriff’s office said they had reasons to believe Llovera might be armed.

“We’re going to err on the side of caution. We’re going to make sure that we have the appropriate amount of force in case we do run into anything like that,” said Sgt. Jesse Spurgin.

I get it. What may seem like a cockamamie scheme to puff his feathers for the glimmer man was actually a matter of life and death. We all know how dangerous Mexicans are. Arizona is under siege. One cock-eyed glance in the wrong direction and you better watch out — Jesus will chop your head right off and then throw it in the desert. Mexicans are unpredictable, is what I’m sayin’. They are loose cannons, esse!

I mean, how was Sheriff Joe supposed to know that Jesus didn’t have an army of cocks, each outfitted with crucifixes and little helmets with dangly spiked ball weapons affixed to them? You ain’t seen nothin’ until you’ve seen an angry cock in a helmet going balls-out in a fight for Jesus. It’s a sight to behold — enough to make even the most cocksure warrior tremble in fear.

And 115 of these deadly weaponized cocks? Of course they had to be fried euthanized on the spot.

1 And by “you” I mean “my parents.”2

2 Never mind, they’re in Pima County. But still.

[cross-posted you know where]






124 replies
  1. 1
    Svensker says:

    Speechless.

    That is all.

  2. 2
    Mark S. says:

    115 birds were euthanized on the spot

    I wonder if Seagal took part in that.

    A fucking tank to arrest a guy on a misdemeanor. This country is fucked beyond belief.

  3. 3
    piratedan says:

    that pretty much illustrates how Sheriff Joe sees his minority constituency in Maricopa, as movie scene extras and he’s the ass-kicking hero starring in our everyday lives of fear and loathing of “the other”.

  4. 4

    That whole story is really quite funny. It has to be true. Who could make up a lie like that?

    I do hope that Jesus is all right.

    But Seagal and the sheriff? Who is the bigger schmuck? All balls, no brains. Both of them.

    [still chuckling. Damn! The world is weird.]

  5. 5
    xochi says:

    Wow. Joe Arpaio is actually making me feel sympathetic for a cockfighter?

    I’m going to err on the side of caution and set fire to my house so I don’t stub my toe on that thing that sticks out in the entryway to my kitchen.

  6. 6
    Alex S. says:

    All those references to cocks, shoving something down somebody’s throat, going full metal jacket on someone’s ass and Steven Seagal had me confused at first.

  7. 7
    soonergrunt says:

    @Mark S.: No. Maricopa County is fucked beyond belief.
    The rest of the country is mostly just fine.

  8. 8
    cintibud says:

    I don’t see this on the MSNBC home page so it obviously never happened.

  9. 9
    Mike from DC says:

    @Mark S.:
    I think that the official explanation is that Segal was “choking the chicken”, but I don’t think that caused any chicken fatalities. *drum fill*

  10. 10
    mr. whipple says:

    I would rather focus on something really cool, like this video.

  11. 11
    John Cole says:

    In before Joe Beese, Ron, and Wyld all inform us that Obama is worse.

  12. 12
    beltane says:

    This reminds me that I have to put the chicken in the oven.

    Maricopa County must be rolling in cash to be able to afford theatrical performances like this. Needs more gladiators though.

  13. 13
    RSR says:

    I sooo much want to tweet the ‘you ain’t seen nothin’ line but it would um, blow, um, the climax to this post.

    Maybe just the ‘balls out for Jesus’ part…

  14. 14
    LB Jefferies says:

    Have you not played Angry Birds? Birds are dangerous.

  15. 15
    BGinCHI says:

    Why does Sheriff Joe hate Jesus?

    Is it because of the cocks?

    Joe?

  16. 16
    Comrade Mary says:

    Un-fucking real. SWAT team? Bomb robot?

    But why the hell did the news story claim they used a tank (even in that poll which, yes, I voted in), when the video only showed armoured vehicles with wheels, not something on treads? Still fucking insane, but expect “Not really a tank, therefore appropriate!” rebuttals from the usual suspects.

    (Or did I blink and miss the tank? I’m multitasking on deadline while cooking.)

  17. 17
    Svensker says:

    @John Cole:

    Did you know that the U.S. is an empire! Fact!

  18. 18
    Culture of Truth says:

    Sheriff Joe is one banana short of a bunch.

    I actually knew that already.

  19. 19
    Incoherent Dennis SGMM says:

    Stephen Seagal? What’s next, an honorary sheriff’s badge and a concealed carry permit for Jean-Claude Van Damme?

  20. 20
    Kryptik says:

    ….what the holy fuck. No seriously, fucking tanks. FUCKING TANKS TO TAKE DOWN ONE FUCKING COCKFIGHTER?!

    What the holy fucking goddamn bunch of shit is that?

  21. 21
    Warren Terra says:

    When it comes to military posturing and chickens, I prefer the Kentucky Colonel to the Arizona Sheriff.

  22. 22
    Martin says:

    @Comrade Mary: You know, it’s impossible to steer a tank into a chicken coop. It’s just not sufficiently responsive. I broke out my legos and made a scale replica of a M1A1 tank and took it out to my sandbox and tried to steer it into a chickencoop and it wouldn’t do it, therefore this entire incident was made up by stupid liberals.

  23. 23
    RSR says:

    someone with mad photoshop skilz please morph Seagal onto Mike Dukakis on the tank

    kthxbai

  24. 24
    Canadian Shoggoth says:

    This isn’t such a surprise from Segal.
    Relevant foreshadowing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....re=related

  25. 25

    Ever watch that “Steven Seagal: Lawman” show on A&E. You could play a drinking game and get TOTALLY SCHNOCKERED off the civil rights violations each episode.

  26. 26
    Comrade Mary says:

    @Martin: Heh. Win!

  27. 27

    steven segall hasn’t participated in releasing this many pent-up cocks since he was working his way through karate school.

    you can’t really blame arpaio,the man gets sentimental about cocks.

  28. 28
    Martin says:

    @Kryptik: Dude’s name was ‘Llovera’. You may not realize this, but that’s mexican for ‘Bin Laden’.

  29. 29
    Incoherent Dennis SGMM says:

    @Erik Vanderhoff:
    I gave up TV show-based drinking games back in the 70’s after becoming shitfaced for several days in a row playing “Hi Bob,” to the Bob Newhart Show at (The now past-tense) Ethelred’s Tavern in San Luis Obispo.

  30. 30
    Culture of Truth says:

    The guy was just saving up for a visit to his cardiologist.

  31. 31
    Culture of Truth says:

    Segal is a master at chi ken do.

  32. 32
    Ruckus says:

    Sheriff Joe is one banana short of a bunch.

    Way more than one.

  33. 33
  34. 34
    Arclite says:

    @Linda Featheringill:

    That whole story is really quite funny.

    I think it’s quite horrifying. This unarmed man, who *may* have committed a minor crime, had much of his property destroyed and had the chance of being shot. All in the name of racism and entertainment. I highly doubt there will be any legal recourse here. While I agree it’s totally ridiculous, it’s also terrifying at how militarized our police force is becoming and the potential for death and disaster this operation had. This is the mirror opposite of the case from the other day on NPR where the woman talked the man down over 2.5 hours or whatever.

  35. 35
    mcmillan says:

    @Erik Vanderhoff: You know how Seagal ended up in Arizona instead of New Orleans where he was before? As Radley Balko pointed out, he resigned when the New Orleans PD Internal Affairs wanted to start investigating Seagal for sex trafficking and sexual assault.

  36. 36
    serge says:

    “We’re going to err on the side of caution. We’re going to make sure that we have the appropriate amount of force in case we do run into anything like that,” said Sgt. Jesse Spurgin.

    One of the chickens could have been carrying a shoulder-fired rocket propelled grenade launcher. You never know.

  37. 37
    burnspbesq says:

    I prefer to think of Arpaio as one taco short of a combo plate. The reference to Meskin food is more likely to piss him off if he ever hears it.

  38. 38
    General Stuck says:

    “When the tank came in and pushed the wall over and you see what’s in there, and all it is, is a bunch of chickens,”

    Well, they were likely undocumented chickens, at least the brown ones.

  39. 39
    SpotWeld says:

    Sherif Joe, the biggest chickensh*t in America

  40. 40
    Comrade Mary says:

    OK. Still not seeing a tank. And where would a police department get a tank, anyway? Armoured vehicles, yeah, but a TANK? (I’m sure Sheriff Joe wants one in his Christmas stocking, but he’ll get some coal up his ass instead.)

    Still insane, but I think, from what I’ve seen in Google news, the tank part came from the sloppily written news story.

  41. 41
    Arclite says:

    @soonergrunt:

    The rest of the country is mostly just fine.

    I’m not so sure about that. Nationwide the numbers are skyrocketing, regardless of whether the police use tanks and Steven Seagal.

  42. 42
    General Stuck says:

    @Comrade Mary:

    If anybody had a tank, I bet it’d be Sheriff Joe.

  43. 43
    bago says:

    It’s angry birds in reverse. Here the pigs are taking down the birdhouse. Heyooooooo.

  44. 44
    Tonal Crow says:

    @Arclite: There certainly should be legal recourse. The house damage is, at the very least, a taking of property without due process, under color of law. [1] Republicans should understand how important it is to discourage Big Government from doing that.

    ‘Course, they won’t, because, see, the arrestee has only a few sparrows (er, chickens) to roast. What’s important to Republicans is ensuring that those who have hordes of sparrows don’t lose any sparrows. Also, it’s important to take sparrows from those who have few to give them to those who have many because the people who have many clearly deserve more, otherwise they wouldn’t have so many. QED.

    [1] On the minuscule chance that the victim is reading this, please contact the Arizona ACLU at http://acluaz.org/ . This post is blogging, not legal advice.

  45. 45
    Jason In the Peg says:

    If television producers paid for the whole operation, would that make it free-market policing?

    What’s the over/under on that?

  46. 46
    auntieeminaz says:

    @Culture of Truth: Nice one.

  47. 47
    Gina says:

    Is it wrong that the first thing that came to mind was BBQ chicken?

    MMMM. BBQ.

  48. 48
    Matt says:

    Wouldn’t it have been cheaper to just buy Sheriff Joe and Seagal a bulk pack of Viagra and a half-dozen hookers? Would’ve solved the real “cock problem” that drove this clusterfuck…

  49. 49
    Arclite says:

    @Kryptik:

    ….what the holy fuck. No seriously, fucking tanks. FUCKING TANKS TO TAKE DOWN ONE FUCKING COCKFIGHTER?!

    In the Sheriff’s defense, the cocks had frickin’ laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads.

  50. 50

    It’s like a joke with a great setup and a bad punch line.

    Joe Arapio in a tank, a SWAT Team, a bomb robot, and Seven Segal roll up to this guy’s house…

    Guy says, “Hey…”

    Sheriff Joe says…

    lawlz, you’re gonna love this…

    He says…

    “GET DOWN THE GROUND BEFORE I BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!”

    Get it?

  51. 51
    Julia Grey says:

    Segal is a master at chi ken do.

    Fell over laughing.

  52. 52
    Comrade Mary says:

    I’m just finishing up some homemade tandoori chicken. Mmmm — cardamom! Hey, did you know that if you crank up your oven and don’t leave the fan hood running, your smoke detector will have a shit fit? Neither did I!

  53. 53
    demz taters says:

    I guess there were no dog-fuckers they could set up in a sting through craigslist this week.

  54. 54

    @General Stuck:

    those brown eggs, if there were any hens to lay them, better have papers, saying which chicken they belong to.

  55. 55
    Calouste says:

    Yet the sheriff’s office said they had reasons to believe Llovera might be armed.

    Maybe if Arizona had some vaguely sensible gunlaws, there wouldn’t be a reason to believe every idiot might be armed over there. Although of course the reason the sheriff in this case had was “brown”.

  56. 56
    Arclite says:

    @Comrade Mary:

    OK. Still not seeing a tank.

    Yeah, poor choice of words. All definitions I could find for tank indicate they are tracked, not wheeled vehicles. “Armored vehicle” would have been more accurate, but less sensational.

  57. 57
    The Moar You Know says:

    I met Seagal at the NAMM show back in 1998. A bigger asshole would be hard to find.

    And if the little bitch ever reads this: fucker, you can’t play the guitar worth a damn. I’ve met four-year-olds who are WAY better than you. You’re the most untalented piece of shit I’ve ever met in my life.

    I was dying to say that to you, but I would have been fired for it.

    I should have anyway.

  58. 58
    burnspbesq says:

    @Comrade Mary:

    “And where would a police department get a tank, anyway?”

    Under ordinary circumstances, local law enforcement might be able to get assistance from the National Guard, but I think all of the National Guard’s tanks are otherwise engaged.

    There’s a famous story from the 1967 Newark riots about the mayor of Irvington somehow getting his hands on a National Guard tank and parking it in the middle of Springfield Avenue, right on the city line, with the main gun pointed toward Newark. There was no looting on Springfield Avenue in Irvington.

  59. 59
    Steve M. says:

    Arpaio is our Qaddafi or Putin — a macho-man-in-his-own-mind who’s really a big ol’ drama queen.

    I’m amazed he isn’t president.

  60. 60
    Citizen_X says:

    @Incoherent Dennis SGMM:

    What’s next, an honorary sheriff’s badge and a concealed carry permit for Jean-Claude Van Damme?

    Or even Governor Arnold Schwarzen…oh. Hmm.

  61. 61
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    My gun obsessed wingnut cousin in AZ posted on her Facebook wall today the she is getting fingerprinted and photographed as a part of joining the Maricopa Sheriff’s Dep’t Volunteer Brownshirts (or whatever they are called); she is very proud and excited.

  62. 62
    Citizen_X says:

    Now the Googly ads I’m getting are all for MMA schools, gear, etc. So I don’t get it: they’re responding to the story, so there’s lots of stuff about fighting.

    But nothing about cock.

  63. 63
  64. 64
    bemused says:

    Arpaio and Seagal…both self described tough guys with massive egos.
    Birds of a feather flock together.

  65. 65
    trollhattan says:

    @Martin:

    I see what you did there. :-)

  66. 66
    Gozer says:

    Why not try and see if he can get the AZ gov to put some guardsmen under his command. Throw a few Airborne Rangers at some jaywalkers.

  67. 67
    Josh says:

    Wait, isn’t Arpaio the guy who’s cost Arizona tens of millions in lawsuits, which is part of why they had to ask the feds to help them in their racial profiling project?

  68. 68
    Amanda in the South Bay says:

    To be precise, I think is an M-109 self propelled gun, not a tank.

  69. 69
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @Mark S.: Is “euthanized” a polite word for run over by a tank?

    We were just in Pima County for Spring Training, and a nice young man who works in a restaurant told us about Sheriff Joe’s deputies waiting by the back door at closing time and demanding green cards from the employees, almost every fucking night. The waiter who told us this was disgusted by it.

  70. 70
    Chris Grrr™ says:

    Anxiously awaiting the follow-up question to Sgt. Jesse Spurgin, in order to learn what would constitute an inappropriate amount of force…

  71. 71
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @beltane: Those cocksuckers haven’t paid a bill owed to my son’s company for new security equipment they ordered and which was installed, but they can afford to use a tank?

  72. 72
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @Incoherent Dennis SGMM: I think you had to know Sheriff Carona in Orange County, CA to get that.

  73. 73
    Gozer says:

    @Amanda in the South Bay: Correct. It’s a self-propelled 155mm howitzer. Now why any law enforcement agency would have it’s own piece of field artillery is beyond me.

  74. 74
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland: Pima County? I meant Maricopa. Duh!!!

  75. 75
    Amanda in the South Bay says:

    @Gozer:

    Obviously its for when the Soviets and their Mexican/Cuban backed proxies invade through the Southwest.

  76. 76
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    I despise Arpaio so much that I become incoherent when trying to discuss him.

  77. 77
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @Gozer: Somebody is compensating for something, if you know what I mean.

  78. 78
    soonergrunt says:

    The vehicle in the video is a Cadillac-Gage V-100/V-150 armored car.
    The Maricopa County Sheriff’s office does have a demilitarized M-109 self-propelled howitzer, which leads any sane person to ask “what the fuck?!”

  79. 79
    Amanda in the South Bay says:

    @soonergrunt:
    the news reports also indicate the “tank”, aka the self propelled howitzer, was also used. I just can’t find any actual video footage of it.

  80. 80
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @soonergrunt: How does one demilitarize an M-109? The whole essence of the thing is the 155mm gun sticking out of it.

  81. 81
    Roger Moore says:

    @Chris Grrr™:
    I think an inappropriate amount of force would be force being used against a nice Anglo person. There is no such thing as inappropriate force when the target is a brown person.

  82. 82
    piratedan says:

    well be happy, Arizona is still considering the creation of its own independent state militia, guess who would be a shoo in for the position? People wonder if the Baja Arizona people are kidding, we’re not, we see this crap going on on a weekly basis.

  83. 83
    Gozer says:

    @Amanda in the South Bay:
    Hey, don’t mock the scenario. It could be the North Koreans and their Venezuelan/Bolivian/Messican proxies rolling across the southern border. And the where would we be without brave sheriff Joe and his artillery piece.

    @opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland: His shit must be microscopic to need such a…big gun.

  84. 84
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Gozer:

    And the where would we be without brave sheriff Joe and his artillery piece.

    Better off.

  85. 85
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: One of my nieces will probably be next.

  86. 86
    thatguy says:

    this somehow seems appropriate

    keep fucking/plucking that chicken

  87. 87
    Comrade Mary says:

    @soonergrunt: WTfuckittyF, indeed!

    I just Googled and found this, which, I think would be one hell of an eyecatcher and what most of us civilians would call a big motherfucking tank, at 30 fucking feet fucking long. With fucking treads. And a bigass, even if demilitarized, fucking gun.

    Why was the tv reporter so sanguine? Why did he never mention a tank? Why didn’t they broadcast a shot of the unit? It would have made great tv. soonergrunt, I can believe that they have one of those monsters, but do you have anything to show that it was actually used and that Seagal was riding in it?

    (I mean, Seagal in a “tank”? Any video person who didn’t shoot that and any producer who didn’t decide to show it would be nuts. Relatively speaking, of course.)

  88. 88
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland: I don’t understand it at all.

  89. 89
    Pongo says:

    To your point #2, if this really was Pima county (Dupnik territory) then WTF was Sheriff Joe doing there? He ain’t the law in that thar part of the woods.

  90. 90
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: I meant to say I’m sorry to hear that. Neither do I understand it.

  91. 91
    soonergrunt says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Weld the breach closed/open, pour concrete down the barrel, drive a heated steel or aluminum plug into the barrel and let it cool and expand.

  92. 92
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @Pongo: It confused me too, but I went back and read it again and I think I understand it now.

  93. 93
    soonergrunt says:

    @Amanda in the South Bay: Ahh. Well, that’s a huge waste of resources. Those things aren’t cheap to drive around.

  94. 94
    Parallel 5ths (Irish Steel) says:

    @Culture of Truth:

    Segal is a master at chi ken do.

    Well played, grasshopper.

  95. 95
    soonergrunt says:

    @Comrade Mary: I don’t have anything on that. I know, form the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office website, that they have one of these things, but I have no information one way or the other as to whether or not they use it for anything other than show. Others here have said it was used in this incident, which would be a tremendously dangerous thing to do as they aren’t the most manuverable things in the world, and they’re also very expensive to maintain and operate.
    They DO have a Cadillac-Gage V100 or V150 armored vehicle, which I plainly saw in the video.

  96. 96
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @soonergrunt: What a horrible thing to do to a howitzer, to geld it and then make it work for Sheriff Joe.

  97. 97
    Suffern ACE says:

    @soonergrunt: Why wouldn’t the use it. I mean, who would cut his that department’s budget no matter how expensive it gets? No matter how much money has allegedly gone unaccounted for.

  98. 98
    soonergrunt says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: You’ll get no disagreement, but far better than to give that raging prick a fully functional SP gun, I’m sure you’ll agree.

    How does the Maricopa County Sheriff fund operations? M109 aren’t cheap to run or maintain.

  99. 99
    Suffern ACE says:

    @soonergrunt: If I remember right, he funds operations by raiding the houses of members of the board who might vote against his budget and accusing them of child abuse on TV.

  100. 100
    Gozer says:

    @soonergrunt: Not to mention that tank treads will royally fuck up a paved road.

    EDIT: I’m guess much of the funding for the department comes from property seizures from undocumenteds and other marginal persons that don’t have much legal recourse.

  101. 101
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @soonergrunt:

    How does the Maricopa County Sheriff fund operations?

    At this point, I am presuming he is running something close to a protection racket down there.

  102. 102
    Comrade Mary says:

    Does Arizona have corn fields?

  103. 103
    Pongo says:

    @opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland: Not understanding his reach into Pima. He’s not the sheriff there. Does he just get to run the whole state now?

  104. 104
    Arclite says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    How does one demilitarize an M-109? The whole essence of the thing is the 155mm gun sticking out of it.

    The military version is fully automatic, while the demilitarized one is semi-auto.

  105. 105
    soonergrunt says:

    @Gozer: Yup. Every time that 27-ton thing turns, there’s a huge section of road destroyed.

  106. 106
    soonergrunt says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Those are some nice civil rights you got there. It’d be a shame if something were to happen to ’em.

  107. 107
    Bob L says:

    @Arclite: You can bet Arpaio bills his armored car as a tank. Every thing that guy goes is about fake penises for over 50 white boys.

  108. 108
    TruthOrScare says:

    As a Maricopa County resident, I’m beyond even being surprised or speechless. Sheriff Joke’s whole schtick is a series of stunts guaranteed to give Barcolounger Bert in Sun City a stiffie right there in front of the teevee, so he’ll come out like clockwork and vote for Joke again at the next election. As a Maricopa taxpayer, this stunt means we’ll pay another cool million in a legal settlement to Llovera, which gives Barcolounger Bert another stiffie as he rages against that Messican who got his money. And Bert becomes twice as motivated to go out and vote for Joke again, of course never making the connection between Joke’s theatrics and the Messican getting his tax money.

    I was mildly encouraged last week by several GOPers who broke ranks and joined all the Dems to vote down five of the latest anti-brownpeeplz bills pushed by Russell Pearce. It took the Chamber of Commerce to help the GOPers find their balls long enough to make those votes. I have a feeling that the only thing that would finally release us from Joke’s reign of terror is the time he goes too far for the Chamber’s comfort. You’d hope a stunt like this might do the trick, but it won’t, because it would mean the Chamber challenging Joke in apparent defense of a too-tanned cockfighter. And Joke knows that, which is why he gets away with all this shit.

  109. 109
    HyperIon says:

    @Martin parodied:

    I broke out my legos and made a scale replica of a M1A1 tank and took it out to my sandbox and tried to steer it into a chickencoop and it wouldn’t do it,

    Not everyone is going to get the Scott Beauchamp joke.
    (Wow, he’s working for the Daily Beast now.)
    Or maybe I should refer to it as the Captain Ed joke.
    (I think it was Captain Ed. Oh, well)

  110. 110
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @soonergrunt: It is possible to turn one without doing too much damage, but it’s not easy.

  111. 111
    Bob L says:

    @soonergrunt: The defense department gave it him. I understand you can also get demilitarized M60s for display to if you ask nicely.

  112. 112
    HyperIon says:

    @Comrade Mary:

    … from what I’ve seen in Google news, the tank part came from the sloppily written news story

    .

    no!
    that never happens.

  113. 113
    soonergrunt says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: I have time driving and TC the Bradley. Some guys were freaking geniuses driving them. I was lucky I didn’t wipe out half the platoon as driver. My assignment in that position was rather short.

  114. 114
    Wolfdaughter says:

    @TruthOrScare:

    I was mildly encouraged last week by several GOPers who broke ranks and joined all the Dems to vote down five of the latest anti-brownpeeplz bills pushed by Russell Pearce. It took the Chamber of Commerce to help the GOPers find their balls long enough to make those votes.

    How’s the recall for Pearce doing? I live in Pima County, thank invisible being of your choice. People here are trying to recall Dupnik, idiots. He’s so far above Arpaio in common sense and decency…

    Back when Ev Meacham was gov in the 80s, I figure he was impeached because he embarrassed the Phoenix 400 (wealthy businessmen who actually run the state) one too many times. Same way we got an MLK holiday–they got hit in the pocketbook.

  115. 115
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @<a href="#comment-24942@Pongo: No. If I understood it correctly, she was directing her “get out of Maricopa” comment to her parents, who actually live in Pima.

  116. 116
    opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland says:

    @Comrade Mary: It used to have a lot of citrus groves, but I’ve never seen them. We just drove from LA to Phoenix and back last week, and what we saw was cactus.

  117. 117
    Mark S. says:

    @opie jeanne, formerly known as Jeanne Ringland:

    We were just in Pima County for Spring Training, and a nice young man who works in a restaurant told us about Sheriff Joe’s deputies waiting by the back door at closing time and demanding green cards from the employees, almost every fucking night. The waiter who told us this was disgusted by it.

    Jesus, that is disgusting.

  118. 118
    quaint irene says:

    Aah, Mr. Seagal, thanks for cementing forever the image of you as a complete asshole.

    This from a list of ‘Performers banned from Saturday Night Live.”

    “Steven Seagal , who hosted on April 20, 1991, was also banned from hosting because of his difficulty in working with the cast and crew.

    Note: They made note of the occasion almost a year and a half later, as during Nicolas Cage’s monologue on September 26, 1992, Nicolas spoke with Lorne backstage, saying, “…they probably think I’m the biggest jerk who’s ever been on the show!” to which Lorne replied, “No, no. That would be Steven Seagal.”

  119. 119
    Dragonater says:

    Isn’t Steven Siegel a mobster?

    God bless those 50-million illegal aliens.

  120. 120
    TruthOrScare says:

    @Wolfdaughter:

    How’s the recall for Pearce doing?

    Not following closely because it’ll never come to anything. He’s another one we’re stuck with unless or until the Chamber decides he’s costing more than he’s worth. I agree with you about Mecham; it’s just a fact that big money is all that matters (and not only in Phoenix or AZ); on the rare occasions when their interests intersect with public disgust at some pol or on an issue is when change occurs, and not before.

  121. 121
    Steaming Pile says:

    @Mark S.: Arizona is fucked beyond belief. Most of America is much saner than that.

  122. 122
    karen marie says:

    @Steaming Pile: No, it’s a tight contest.

  123. 123
    jon says:

    I loved the interview where Steven Seagal wheezily reveals how he has a soft spot for animals.

    It’s his belly.

  124. 124
    captnkurt says:

    Well, obviously it wasn’t a tank style tank! Clearly Uncle Hulka, err, Joe requisitioned one of those new EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicles.

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