Mike Huckabee is Talking Shit About Natalie Portman

Derp.

Every time I look at this picture, my stomach turns. Why should I have to suffer alone?

Mike Huckabee — who is concerned that Barack Obama is, like, totally blackity blackity black black,y’all, was born in Kenya, and wasn’t a “traditional” American with the Rotary Clubs and the Kiwanis Clubs and the other stuff — is now downright concerned that Natalie Portman’s crotchfruit will be born a bastard, because apparently people still give a shit about that sort of nonsense:

Appearing on the Michael Medved Show, Huckabee had this to say Portman:

You know Michael, one of the things that’s troubling is that people see a Natalie Portman or some other Hollywood starlet who boasts of, ‘Hey look, you know, we’re having children, we’re not married, but we’re having these children, and they’re doing just fine.’ But there aren’t really a lot of single moms out there who are making millions of dollars every year for being in a movie. And I think it gives a distorted image that yes, not everybody hires nannies, and caretakers, and nurses. Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care. And that’s the story that we’re not seeing, and it’s unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out of children wedlock.

You know, right now, 75 percent of black kids in this country are born out of wedlock. 61 percent of Hispanic kids — across the board, 41 percent of all live births in America are out of wedlock births. And the cost of that is simply staggering.

So let me get this straight. The Huckster is concerned about the colored kids born out of wedlock, but at the same time wants to force all women to have babies should they become pregnant through rape, contraception failure, a mistake, or rampant sluttery, and then he has the temerity to lament the poor uneducated and unemployed status of the zombie babymakers single moms while at the same time preaching abstinence only.

How has his head not exploded from cognitive dissonance?

Here are some choice quotes from Huckster. Gather round, kids! Ladies, protect your vadge because Huck wants to get all up in it and regulate:

On the Christian culture war:

Despite all our prosperity, pomp, and power, the vaunted American experiment in liberty seems to be disintegrating before our very eyes. …

Abortion, environmentalism, AIDS, pornography, drug abuse, and homosexual activism have fragmented and polarized our communities. …

It is now difficult to keep track of the vast array of publicly endorsed and institutionally supported aberrations – from homosexuality and pedophilia to sadomasochism and necrophilia.

On prayer in schools and the moral decline of society:

How did we move in one generation from a society with a shared, confident sense of right to a society of relativism and moral decay? The first step to answering that question is to admit there isn’t just one answer. I’ve heard that it all started when we took prayer out of schools. That’s a simplistic answer. It wasn’t just prayer in schools; it wasn’t just TV; it wasn’t just Watergate; it wasn’t just welfare.

If any force is going to overcome a free, prosperous country like America, it won’t happen all at once. America has a solid foundation of liberty, personal dignity, and opportunity.

The only way to destroy something with that kind of foundation is to chip away at it, one value at a time. Take away its heart and essence. Bring doubt to what used to be confidence, denial to what used to be faith, death to what was life. I think that is what has happened.

On rape babies and forced birth:

Q: South Dakota had some proposed legislation to outlaw all abortion except saving the life of a mother, no exceptions for rape or incest. You said you’d sign that. Why?

HUCKABEE: I always am going to err on the side of life. I believe life is precious. I have been in the pro-life camp since I was a teenager. It’s because of my view that God is the creator and instigator of life. But those of us in the pro-life movement have to do also some expanding.

On states’ rights and forced birth:

Well, it’s the logic of the Civil War. If morality is the point here, and if it’s right or wrong, not just a political question, then you can’t have 50 different versions of what’s right and what’s wrong. Again, that’s what the whole Civil War was about. Can you have states saying slavery is OK, other states saying it’s not? If abortion is a moral issue–and for many of us it is, and I know for others it’s not. So if you decide that it’s just a political issue, then that’s a perfectly acceptable, logical conclusion. But for those of us for whom this is a moral question, you can’t simply have 50 different versions of what’s right.

On abstinence and slutty kids:

Abstinence education provides a valuable counterweight to peer pressure and the message young people get from the popular culture encouraging casual relationships and separating sex from love, commitment and marriage. I do not believe in teaching about sex or contraception in public schools. That is the responsibility of parents.

I am disappointed that funding for abstinence education is not likely to be renewed by the Democrat Congress. This reversal only emphasizes how important it is for Republicans to take back Congress and win the White House with an authentic conservative in 2008. I miss the America I grew up in where the Gideons gave Bibles to fifth graders instead of school nurses giving condoms to eighth graders. With so much at stake, it’s important that we return to the core values and guiding principles which have made our country great.

Don’t fuck with the Portman, Huckabee. She’ll cut you.

[cross-posted here at Angry Black Lady Chronicles]






127 replies
  1. 1
    Tim Connor says:

    “How has his head not exploded from cognitive dissonance?”

    Duh, because there is no cognition in THAT head.

  2. 2
    Uloborus says:

    ‘if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care’.

    …but his solution isn’t to increase government assistance or make access to health care easier.

  3. 3
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    So, I expect fuckwit to launch into a full scale attack on “abstinence advocate” Bristol Palin in 3…2…1…

  4. 4
    Nutella says:

    Jeez, can’t he even be a little bit original? The Murphy Brown thing is just so 1992.

  5. 5
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Abortion, environmentalism, AIDS, pornography, drug abuse, and homosexual activism have fragmented and polarized our communities.

    Yeah, I understand that breathing clean air and drinking clean water will, inevitably, lead to wild pre-marital sex that’s filmed for gays to watch while strung out on wackybacky.

  6. 6
    MattR says:

    And I think it gives a distorted image that yes, not everybody hires nannies, and caretakers, and nurses.

    Wait. Is he talking about single Hollywood mothers or wealthy married couples?

  7. 7
    Cacti says:

    Now that he’s thoroughly alienated the black vote, he’s working on losing single moms and kids of single moms.

  8. 8
    Joel says:

    Which circle of hell is Huckabee destined for?

  9. 9
    Mark S. says:

    It is now difficult to keep track of the vast array of publicly endorsed and institutionally supported aberrations – from homosexuality and pedophilia to sadomasochism and necrophilia.

    I’ll donate $100 to Mike Huckabee if he can give any examples where pedophilia or necrophilia were publicly endorsed and institutionally supported.

  10. 10
    The Dangerman says:

    Doesn’t Arkansas have one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy and lowest rates of high school graduation?

  11. 11

    I’m sure he was totally outraged about Bristol Palin’s pregnancy and having a kid out of wedlock. At age 17.

    Right?

    RIGHT?!

  12. 12
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    I’ll donate $100 to Mike Huckabee if he can give any examples where pedophilia or necrophilia were publicly endorsed and institutionally supported.

    Paging the Vatican! Please pick up the white courtesy phone!

  13. 13
    Gin & Tonic says:

    Is it just the photo with this post, or is Huck packing those lbs back on?

  14. 14

    Interesting that pHuck picks on Portman, who is NOT a shiksa.

    You know, right now, 75 percent of black kids in this country are born out of wedlock. 61 percent of Hispanic kids—across the board, 41 percent of all live births in America are out of wedlock births.

    You know, right now, I feel confident in saying pHuck got these stats from the same place he pulled men abandon their families because of equal marriage rights and it costs the U.S. $300 billion a year.

    If this dumb son-of-a-bitch does decide to run he’ll be in for a shock when he realizes minorities are allowed to vote.

  15. 15
    TooManyJens says:

    @Mark S.: Oh, hush now, he’s a Republican, he doesn’t have to back up any of the shit he says.

  16. 16
    Cacti says:

    And Huckabee’s supposed to be the “kinder, gentler” southern fried Republican cracker.

  17. 17
    MikeJ says:

    @Cacti: I’ve never seen statistics broken down that way, but I’d be curious to see 1) how that demo turns out to vote (lower income folks tend to vote in smaller numbers) and 2) what percentage of those who do vote vote for Dems. He may see no harm in demonizing a group that solidly supports Dems.

  18. 18
    General Stuck says:

    The march toward conservative values seems to have been aborted after hitting a gay pothole in the road

    Pew poll: Support way up for gay marriage, abortion, legalizing marijuana

    But Allahpundit says not to worry wingnut, you can still keep yer guns close by in case stoned gay married fetuses declare war and come for your precious bodily fluids.

  19. 19
    JGabriel says:

    Joel:

    Which circle of hell is Huckabee destined for?

    Tenth:

    After nearly four years of construction at an estimated cost of 750 million souls, Corpadverticus, the new 10th circle of Hell, finally opened its doors Monday.
    __
    […]
    __
    “In the past, the underworld was ill-equipped to handle the new breed of sinners flooding our gates–downsizing CEOs, focus-group coordinators, telemarketing sales representatives, and vast hordes of pony-tailed entertainment-industry executives rollerblading and talking on miniaturized cell-phones at the same time. But now, we’ve finally got the sort of top-notch Pits of Doom necessary to give such repellent abominations the quality boilings they deserve.”
    __
    […]
    __
    In a nearby area, corporate raiders are forced to carry the golf clubs of uneducated Hispanic migrant workers from hole to hole for eternity, withering under a constant barrage of verbal abuse from their former subservients as crows descend from trees to peck at their eyes. In one of the deepest and most profane portions of the circle, unspeakable acts are said to be committed with a mail-order Roly-Kit.
    __
    “In life, I was a Salomon Brothers investment banker,” one flame-blackened shade told reporters. “When I arrived here, they didn’t know what to do with me. They put me in with those condemned to walk backwards with their heads turned all the way around on their necks, for the crime of attempting to see the future. But then I sent a couple of fruit baskets to the right people, and in no time flat, I secured a cushy spot for myself in the first circle of the Virtuous Unbaptized. Now that was a sweet deal. But before long, they caught on to my game and transferred me here to the realm of Total Bastards. I’ve been shrieking for mercy like a goddamn woman ever since.”

    .

  20. 20
    MikeJ says:

    @The Dangerman: #10 for pregnant teens at 93 per 1000. #4 for live births to teens at 66 per 1000.

    They are not in the top ten of teen abortions, so that drop off from pregnancies to live births is probably from shitty prenatal care.

  21. 21
    dmsilev says:

    @Mark S.:

    I’ll donate $100 to Mike Huckabee if he can give any examples where pedophilia or necrophilia were publicly endorsed and institutionally supported.

    The GOP regularly fellate Reagan’s decaying corpse. Does that count?

    dms

  22. 22
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    They are not in the top ten of teen abortions, so that drop off from pregnancies to live births is probably from shitty prenatal care.

    Well, yet another reason to defund Planned Parenthood!

  23. 23
    Karen says:

    Isn’t the whole idea of the anti-abortion/kids suck up to much money concept just don’t have sex if you’re not white and Christian?

  24. 24
    Mark S. says:

    @dmsilev:

    Well, they only let the really big donors do that.

  25. 25
    Mike in NC says:

    It is now difficult to keep track of the vast array of publicly endorsed and institutionally supported aberrations – from homosexuality and pedophilia to sadomasochism and necrophilia.

    C’mon, Huck. You can tell us which ones you’ve dabbled in. “Hate the sin, love the sinner”, isn’t that what preachers preach?

  26. 26
    Sarah, Proud and Tall says:

    The Huckster is concerned about the colored kids born out of wedlock, but at the same time wants to force all women to have babies should they become pregnant through rape, contraception failure, a mistake, or rampant sluttery, and then he has the temerity to lament the poor uneducated and unemployed status of the zombie babymakers single moms while at the same time preaching abstinence only.

    In my part of the world, this is called “keeping yourself nice”. Preacher Huckabee visited my church one Christmas and pointed out all the (what he called) “hoors” in the congregation. (I can type that word because I am quoting a man of God).

    It was very handy when we were organising the next weekend’s ceremonial stoning in the parking lot out the back of St Barnabas’.

    We gave him a bible bound in leather that Simon Barry made from the skins of a racoon that Simon saw God call back to him early by means of the miraculous confluence of the Interstate and a petrol truck.

  27. 27
    trollhattan says:

    Not only could Natalie lop off Huck’s underused noggin with a light sabre, she can kick his ass in eleven-dimensional chess.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03.....ref=movies

    He do loves to talk; he should learn to STFU.

  28. 28
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    You know, Natalie Portman cited her finance, who is the father of the child in question, so she’s going to get married and make the kid legit.

    Of course, Nataline has never been an outspoken advocate of abstinence education as the way to go with preventing pregnancies.

    Once again, I cite the Bristol Palin example as the counterpoint to all this.

    The hypocrisy is stunning. Jesus is rolling over in his grave.

  29. 29
    jl says:

    There is no contradiction if you are the Righteous Christian (male) Patriarch who rules their lives in a Godly way.

  30. 30
    Sarah, Proud and Tall says:

    I cannot edit my comment but feel compelled to note that no-one actually died at the stoning, although Laura Fisher certainly felt the cleansing fire of a few well aimed pebbles on the back of her head.

  31. 31
    RalfW says:

    I’m thrilled to know that environmentalism is now up there with pedophilia, sadomasochism and necrophilia in the (F)ucksters pantheon of liberal sin-itude.

    Environmentalism. Huh.

    Caring for this divine creation of God is as dangerous to America as necrophilia?

    Well, actually, yes. Because necrophilia is, ummm, not a problem that I’ve ever, ever heard actually causing harm to our culture.

    What an unfathomable asshat the Huck is turning out to be. I guess hanging out in the Fox green room has indeed exposed his soul to the sulfurous fumes of the devil a few times too many.

  32. 32

    @JGabriel:

    The Circle also features a Hall of Aerobics, where condemned TV-exercise-show personalities, clad in skin-tight Spandex outfits soaked in flesh-dissolving acid, are forced to exercise for centuries on end, covered in vomit and prodded with the distended ribs of skeletal, anorexic demons, accompanied by an unending, ear-splittingly loud dance-remix version of the 1988 Rick Astley hit “Together Forever.”

    RickRolls in Hades!

    @Cacti: He is. Which tells you everything you need to know about the GOP circa 2011.

  33. 33
    trollhattan says:

    Also, too, Between Two Ferns.

    http://www.funnyordie.com/vide.....lifianakis

  34. 34
    Culture of Truth says:

    The Huckster talks big for a guy born and raised in the Soviet Union.

  35. 35
    Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q) says:

    The quote below totally, in my view, sums up the effect of the right’s demonizing attitude toward President Obama. In discussing how really all American, nearly Horatio Alger type bootstraps, Obama’s story is, (as opposed to Huckabee’s recent fabrications of it) Michael Eric Dyson said this on Hardball:

    Look if you can’t like this black man, not only as President but as another human being, there’s no black man been made, that’s existing, that you will like.

    Media matters link(~8:30 mark)

    I’ve just not heard it put better.

  36. 36
    Lev says:

    I guess I don’t understand. I could sort of see where Huckabee’s coming from if Portman and her partner decided not to get hitched. Okay, fine, that’s a point there. But they are! This is not an example of some Hollywood starlet condoning irresponsibility. It’s (by his standards, anyway) an example of RESPONSIBILITY.

    As someone noted earlier, Republicans forfeited the ability to complain about out-of-wedlock preganancies when they nominated someone who had one (and whose daughter had one) for vice president.

  37. 37
    scav says:

    Don’t forget the flipside with this crowd where waterboarding is almost a sacrament (right next to baptism?) and certainly on the A-OK side and Greed is Go(o)d. Moral decay just ain’t what it used to be.

  38. 38
    Culture of Truth says:

    Ok, actually I don’t think this is hypocrisy, in as much as I interpret these remarks as a not-so-subtle dig at Bristol and Sarah.

  39. 39
    Seitz says:

    Huckabee will err on the side of life…

    Except when it comes to commuting the sentence of someone who raped a relative of Bill Clinton. Then he’ll err on the side of releasing a rapist like Wayne Dumond so that he can rape and murder someone in another state. Sadly, that’s not the only murderer that Huckabee released from prison. He’s got the blood of at least five victims on his hands.

  40. 40
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    The problem with the Horatio Alger myth is that you have a real life example of it, they’re rejected by the “in crowd”, particularly in the Village. Bill Clinton suffered from this, no matter how much his policies were those of the best Republican President since Eisenhower…he was still this vile upstart from a backwater who had to be denigrated despite his Yalie and Oxford chops.

  41. 41
    Culture of Truth says:

    Have we heard from Mitt Romney yet on the BYU star basketball player kicked off the team for having sex?

    C’mon Mitt, you should OWN this one!!!

  42. 42
    suzanne says:

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    Jesus is rolling over in his grave.

    Well, according to Huck, He DID get up, push the stone away, and walk out… It’s probably safe to assume that He rolled over at one point.

  43. 43
    PaulW says:

    Dear Huck:

    Natalie Portman is fifty times more popular than you.

    You just pissed off about 100 million Portman fans.

    Signed,

    A Jedi Wannabe

  44. 44
    KG says:

    Can we just have all the Christian conservatives go back to Plymouth? We can send them all there to recreate their Puritan utopia while the rest of his get high/drunk/laid.

    Deal?

  45. 45
    WereBear says:

    I never, ever, eeeeever understood people who thought The Huckster was cude ‘n’ cuddly ‘n’ kindly.

    But then, I grew up observing Southern Baptist Preachers; some of them were absolute peaches, but a lot of them had those mean little feral hog eyes.

    Those now, would roast your liver on a stick; just for fun.

  46. 46
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Of course, this is utter fantasy, I know, but what if one of the Huckster’s two boys knocked some chick up?

    Would the Huckster insist on a shotgun wedding to make things right? Or would there be a payoff to make the whole thing quietly go away? Or would he immediately say that there’s no way one of his sons would do the dirty deed and the girl in question was exploiting the situation?

    It’s all fantasy because it would probably take a lot of beer and other chemical modification to set up the circumstances were one of Huckster’s sons could get laid…

  47. 47
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Joel:

    Which circle of hell is Huckabee destined for?

    “All of them, Katie.”

  48. 48
    gwangung says:

    The problem with the Horatio Alger myth is that you have a real life example of it, they’re rejected by the “in crowd”, particularly in the Village. Bill Clinton suffered from this

    And so is Barrack Obama.

  49. 49
    Bill ORLY says:

    @Southern Beale: Why does Mike hate Sarah Palin (and by extension, REAL AMURIKKKANS?!?).

  50. 50
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Mark S.:

    I’ll donate $100 to Mike Huckabee if he can give any examples where pedophilia or necrophilia were publicly endorsed and institutionally supported.

    Does humping the corpse of Ronald Reagan count?

    EDIT: Between to the low blow punch by Dmsilev!

  51. 51
    Lolis says:

    Seriously, I wish this guy would win the nomination. Americans really do not want a Pastor-in-Chief. The more Huckabee gets known the less he will be liked. Just like all of them. 2012 can’t get here soon enough.

  52. 52
    cleek says:

    i can’t tell if i want Kevin Spacey to play Mike Huckabee in a movie, or if i want to Huckabee to play Verbal Kint in a remake of The Usual Suspects.

  53. 53
    Sarah, Proud and Tall says:

    @Anne Laurie:

    Does humping the corpse of Ronald Reagan count?

    I don’t think this is possible. That nice Mr Reagan is buried under concrete and even if you could dig him up he would be all dry and icky anyway. I don’t think God approves of necromancy.

  54. 54
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Lev:

    As someone noted earlier, Republicans forfeited the ability to complain about out-of-wedlock preganancies when they nominated someone who had one (and whose daughter had one) for vice president.

    Not gonna google it, but Palin(tm) has already announced that when you make snide remarks about her eldest being born so soon after Tod & Sarah’s “elopement”, you are officially Hating the Great American Troops. All of them, Katie!

  55. 55
    asiangrrlMN says:

    ABL, I just did a post on Boehner, and now you’re hitting me in the face with a Huckabee pie? You really are a cruel overlady. Sigh.

    As for Huckabee, it’s as if he cobbled together a bunch of talking points, tossed them into a blender, and voila! Pretty soon, his word salad will be right up there with Sarah Palin’s.

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall: Necrophilia. Which, by the way, Huckabee is very very very much against. Necromancy is bringing someone back from the dead. /ick

    @jl: Oh my god. This comment was just too delicious. I would fake-marry it, if I weren’t already fake-married to you!

  56. 56
    Another Commenter at Balloon Juice (fka Bella Q) says:

    @WereBear: You mean the that feral pig eyed look I noticed in Huck from the get go? I know I have a pretty sensitive pathology meter, but I have always gotten “really nasty man” vibes from him.

    But then my meter went “beep” when I was once in a large room with John Edwards in 2004, and I couldn’t not explain it better than “he creeps me out and that’s good enough for me.” I was hugely unpopular in a large part of my social circle for that stance until rather recently.

  57. 57
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    Lost in all of this is that the Huckster appeared on the Michael Medved show…Medved being a serious wanker in his own right, bitching that the evil liberal Hollywood refuses to make “family pictures”, instead pushing the “liberal agenda” of premarital sex (see the conception of Luke and Leia, for example).

    The sad fact is, the bland “family pictures” that Medved craves don’t do well at the box office. Disney stuff sells, of course, but Medved ignores that…

  58. 58
    Citizen Alan says:

    I am thrilled to hear that Huckleberry said all this and I hope this is spread far and wide. As I have said for two years, my great fear about Sarah Palin is not that she might win but that she might have the potential to make Huckabee seem, well, rational. He does (usually) have a mild-mannered, compassionate-seeming speaking voice that makes him sound okay unless you actually listen to what he says. Anything that rips the mask off and reveals the Teabagger underneath is fine by me. I hope Natalie Portman holds a press conference to announce what a douche she things he is.

  59. 59
    jl says:

    Ol’ Huck is right in one thing. Environmentalism has allowed the survival of more old people who would have died off from heart attacks, acute asthma attacks, COPD, and cancer caused by air pollution.

    Now they are alive and many of them are voting for nutcases rather than sane people, and following extremist groups rather than being constructive voters and citizens. That has caused division and fragmented my community.

    I don’t complain about this because I always want to err on the side of life, but it does complicate keeping the nation from destroying itself due to being run by nutcases.

  60. 60
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @cleek:

    Man, Spacey could go to town with the starring role in a Mike Huckabee biopic. Also, there’d be plenty of work for Stan Winston with the special effects for gaining, losing, and regaining weight…

  61. 61
    thejoz says:

    What he doesn’t realize or care to acknowledge is that a bunch of people who are in wedlock and have children can’t fucking afford them either.

    I have friends of mine living in the husband’s parent’s garage, and have one child now and rumors of potentially another on the way.

    The wife doesn’t lift a finger to work, and the dude works 10-12 hours a day, and they can’t afford shit. Their daughter is more or less doing fine, but still.

    My wife and I right now been married almost 3 years without any damn children around CAUSE WE DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR THEM.

    Being married does not automatically grant you magical money powers to have children with.

    But really, a theocratic son of a bitch like Huckabee probably thinks our marriage is false or ungodly or something because we not only have relations with all the protections we can think of, but you know, we haven’t popped out any little Christ Soldiers yet or anything.

    And that’s totally what God wants. Really. Huck just knows, man. He’s tight with God. Like this.

  62. 62
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Citizen Alan:

    Actually, I think Portman’s best approach to all of this is to just ignore the ignorant cracker.

    He’s not worth her time, or any distress. She’s obviously in love, looking forward to motherhood, and is far too classy an act to stoop to the disgusting low rent level of the likes of Mike Huckabee or Sarah Palin.

  63. 63
    JCT says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: Yup, that would be the same Natalie Portman who pursued higher education, excelled and actually works for a living. And, as you point out, is marrying the father of her kid.

    Sounds just like the offspring of Snowbilly Snooki to me.

    What a fucking piece of work that Huckabee.

    Oh and ABL:

    Ladies, protect your vadge because Huck wants to get all up in it

    Full-scale anti-emetics here, STAT.

  64. 64
    PhoenixRising says:

    ABL, you disappoint me. Forgetting to mention that Huckster wants both of my kid’s moms to be single…because having us continue in our gay married ways will cause playas to not marry their baby mamas, through the transitive property.

    All other forms of unmaarried parenting, however, he is worried about. Concern troll is concerned.

  65. 65
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Culture of Truth:

    Ok, actually I don’t think this is hypocrisy, in as much as I interpret these remarks as a not-so-subtle dig at Bristol and Sarah.

    Yeah, you’re probably right. Especially since Bristol “went Hollywood” — before “Jiggling Arrhythmically with the Professionals“, she actually ‘starred’ in some cable series as a old lag welcoming Pregnant Blonde Teenager to the modern equivalent of what Huckabee would call “a shelter for unwed mothers”.

  66. 66
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: I agree with this. She’s talented, smart, beautiful, funny, and in love. She has no need to even think of Huckabee let alone pay him any attention.

  67. 67
    Arundel says:

    Can I just say that I have always found Michael Medved the most repellent, toadying, crawling right-wing worm with a mustache going? Thanks. Just snivelling, that one. From the Huckabee interview:

    Medved: “..she won for a movie which I loathed called Black Swan. But in any event, she got up, she was very visibly pregnant, and it’s really it’s a problem because she’s about seven months pregnant, it’s her first pregnancy, and she and the baby’s father aren’t married, and before two billion people, Natalie Portman says, ‘Oh I want to thank my love and he’s given me the most wonderful gift.’ He didn’t give her the most wonderful gift, which would be a wedding ring! And it just seems to me that sending that kind of message is problematic.”

    Medved is the sort of prissy moral scold that still thinks driving Ingrid Bergman out of Hollywood for unwed motherhood was a good idea. And why oh why does he assume that it would be “problematic”, as if unwed motherhood weren’t incredibly common- all those teens getting knocked up when “abstinence-only” education failed them tend to be single! Oh, yeah, Natalie Portman’s pregnancy is a problem, you see. Because he says so. What a little creep.

  68. 68
    Steve M. says:

    Wait till Huck finds out what Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis do in Black Swan.

  69. 69
    Sarah, Proud and Tall says:

    @asiangrrlMN:

    She has no need to even think of Huckabee let alone pay him any attention.

    An’ her curse will come upon her while she sleep, for she knows neither the day nor the hour.

  70. 70
  71. 71

    @PhoenixRising: the transitive property. hahahaha.

  72. 72
    kdaug says:

    Close your eyes, and imagine Huck having sex. The sweat, the rolls of fat, the fetid stench.

    Then, with that horrific image burned into your brain, read again what he’s complaining about.

    Projection, much?

  73. 73

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall: best parody troll today. bravo!

  74. 74
    suzanne says:

    @JCT:

    Yup, that would be the same Natalie Portman who pursued higher education, excelled and actually works for a living. And, as you point out, is marrying the father of her kid.

    Her fiancé is no slouch, either. Principal dancer with the NYC Ballet.

    But lots of insecure patriarchal a-holes like Huck are jealous of men who aren’t threatened by successful women.

  75. 75
    Sarah, Proud and Tall says:

    @Angry Black Lady:

    bravo!

    Why thankyou. I’ve noticed, while I have been lurking, that you are a lovely young woman.

    However, you have a potty mouth, and the men on here do tend to go on about your fluffy pillows, so I suspect you could do with a few cleansing-fire pebbles of your own.

  76. 76
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall: Oh my god. You are cracking me the fuck up. “Cleansing-fire pebbles”. Brilliant!

  77. 77

    @Arundel: Dear Mr. Offhismedsved,
    What are you going to do about it?
    That’s what I thought.
    Shut the fuck up.

    Medved is the sort of hard-up perv who was mortally outraged by J. Jackson’s nipple slip. Over and over again. Several times an hour. Until his Tivo broke.

  78. 78
    freelancer says:

    @cleek:

    i can’t tell if i want Kevin Spacey to play Mike Huckabee in a movie, or if i want to Huckabee to play Verbal Kint in a remake of The Usual Suspects.

    You thought that too, huh? I saw the pic from the post and thought “Did the Nixon mask one of the bank robbers from Point Break wore, and Kevin Spacey’s sister have a kid?”

  79. 79

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall: my fluffy pillows are goose down, baby! which i think puts me into that bestialinecrophiliac insitution thing that huckabee is prattling on about, so yeah. i’ll take some of those there fire pebbles.

  80. 80
    PurpleGirl says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: Agreed. Besides she’s way smarter than him… she’s done real science and won recognition for it. She’s a smart lady.

  81. 81
    El Cid says:

    What’s truly offensive about this Portman tragedy is that it took a young and beautiful starlet who made a lot of men stare at her figure and have all sorts of thoughts and now it’s going to make her stomach look all big and gross.

    That’s the big issue here.

  82. 82
    Sarah, Proud and Tall says:

    @Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen:

    I have to say I agree with you that Mr Medved is wrong here.

    Even if Ms Portman gave it away cheaply, she looked lovely in her dress, and once the bun is in the oven, no one asks where it came from. It’s like Laura Fisher’s sister, Cheryl. She looked like she was carrying triplets for most of her first pregnancy, but they just slipped her behind a column so she could keep singing in the choir, and most people were none the wiser.

    Of course, she’s divorced now, but what can you do?

  83. 83
    Sarah, Proud and Tall says:

    @Angry Black Lady:

    my fluffy pillows are goose down, baby! which i think puts me into that bestialinecrophiliac insitution thing that huckabee is prattling on about, so yeah. i’ll take some of those there fire pebbles.

    I hope you feel this happy when little grey devils with the face of Newt Gingrich are sticking their tiny pitchforks into your bottom for the rest of time.

  84. 84
  85. 85
    freelancer says:

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall:

    Oh, honey. Unfortunately for Hitler, Stalin (I renounce him), and modern day conservatives, there is no Hell, except for that which you create for yourself in this world and unleash upon the rest of us.

    I want to hear ABL talk more about her pillows, thank you very much.

  86. 86
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Sarah, Proud and Tall:

    I hope you feel this happy when little grey devils with the face of Newt Gingrich are sticking their tiny pitchforks into your bottom for the rest of time.

    This is just brilliant.

  87. 87
    Mike G says:

    Don’t hold your breath waiting for him to criticize Bristol Palin.

    Repukes are saintly by definition, and redeemed by cynical lip-service. But its open season on Dems, always.

    Repigs are immune to shame or self-awareness.

  88. 88
    JCT says:

    @Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen:

    Medved is the sort of hard-up perv who was mortally outraged by J. Jackson’s nipple slip. Over and over again. Several times an hour. Until his Tivo broke.

    Bingo! Of course, that has now been replaced by the Portman-Kunis scene alluded to upthread.

    These guys are vermin.

    And the grey newt-devil imagery is pure win.

  89. 89
    Jebediah says:

    vast array of publicly endorsed and institutionally supported aberrations

    Where did PigEyes go to school? I always thought that anything “publicly endorsed” and “institutionally supported” was, by definition, NOT an aberration.

    Also, did his good Christian parenting skills include teaching his ballspurts the right way to treat dogs? I assame the polite media never ask him that.

  90. 90
    El Cid says:

    O/T, but the open threads are not actually on really political topics.

    Something to be cautious about in Libya coverage.

    A claim released about a week ago by activist groups OneDayOnEarth that they obtained footage of a mass grave in Libya, and which is spreading through media worldwide, was actually an ordinary cemetery. (It’s the group which has people worldwide take photos in the same 24 hour period.) Their press release here.

    An Italian journalist was there at the site and confirmed what it was with locals. Sorry, no English translation yet from Italian. For Spanish readers, there’s this.

    This is not in any way “good” news. Although journalist Matteuzzi did not suggest this was the case, it would seem outlandish to wonder if the reason there was so much activity at the cemetery at this moment was not that the people shown in the footage were digging up people buried in a mass grave, but burying those recently killed by Qaddafi’s forces.

    I do not think the group was aware of the error.

  91. 91
    Chris says:

    I’m late to this game and the text is doing that weird thing where it just wanders off the page to the right, but couldn’t let this pass:

    Despite all our prosperity, pomp, and power, the vaunted American experiment in liberty seems to be disintegrating before our very eyes. …
    Abortion, environmentalism, AIDS, pornography, drug abuse, and homosexual activism have fragmented and polarized our communities. …

    People are now free to do things that Huckabee thinks they shouldn’t be, therefore American freedom is disintegrating. Got it.

    Say Huck, ever read the Chronicles of Narnia? Remember the Antichrist character in the last book taking over Narnia and saying “You think true freedom means whatever you want? Well, you’re wrong. True freedom means doing what I tell you.”

  92. 92
    DW says:

    OK, Huckabee kinda/sorta has a point about intact families. There’s just a couple of flaws with his argument.

    1. As already stated, Natalie Portman is a lousy example for his argument – the father’s in the picture and they’re planning to get married. So he’s essentially criticizing them for being poorly organized.

    2. There’s an easy way to predict the out of wedlock birth rate – look at the population of marriageable men. White, middle class and college educated women have a large pool of marriageable men and a correspondingly low rate of out of wedlock childbirth. The demographic groups with high rates of out of wedlock birth for one reason or another have a low population of marriageable men. By and large when women become single mothers, it’s because the alternative was no kids at all. Now if you really wanted to change that you might look at things like the war on drugs or the dramatic increase in inequality or the destruction of labor unions. But no Republican wants to do that.

  93. 93
    Allan says:

    Oh, and Mike Huckabee should think twice before invoking the Boy Scouts, after his son got fired as a Scout counselor after he tortured a dog to death and all

  94. 94
    Steeplejack says:

    @Gin & Tonic:

    He looked pretty bulky on Colbert last week.

  95. 95
    Mike in NC says:

    What a fucking piece of work that Huckabee.

    Just caught some video of the Huck and his amazing entourage, which included the zombie corpse of Chuck Frickin’ Norris. Tell me this is all some sort of an elaborate joke.

  96. 96
    Chris says:

    Actually, the really disgusting thing about that entire sermon is this:

    If a woman is a single mother, it’s because she got preggers, thought it over, and “chose life.” Those women are people who accepted the consequences of their “sin” (e.g. sex). That’s always something to be respected, but even more so when 1) the alternative, abortion, is legally available, 2) you’re a poor single mother for whom a kid is a responsibility and financial burden you can scarcely afford, and 3) you chose to go ahead with it even though you knew you’d be in it alone without the father to help you.

    From an evangelical point of view, those are women who made a mistake, could have swept it under the carpet, and instead decided to live with the consequences for the rest of their lives. Huckabee should be holding them up as shining examples of moral courage in a society of “disintegrating values.” Instead, they get a dismissive lecture about how they’re sluts living in sin.

    Then, to make matters worse, Huckabee and his ilk pile on with the “lazy welfare queen” campaigns and try to cut the already sparse government aid that exists to help them, just to make sure the sluts get the full and unmuted punishment they deserve.

    Once again, Huckabee singles himself out as the most nauseating piece of shit to come out of the 2008 Republican primary. Quite a feat when you consider his competition, but no one else can even touch that level of doucheness.

  97. 97
    Barb (formerly Gex) says:

    @PurpleGirl: She has an Erdos-Bacon number, which I love her for.

  98. 98
    fraught says:

    Bristol Palin. Wasn’t she related to that other woman, what’s her name? The one who didn’t grow up in Kenya. Wore a mu mu.

  99. 99
    freelancer says:

    @fraught:

    Wore a mu mu.

    Don’t you mean mau mau?

  100. 100
    Anne Laurie says:

    @JCT:

    Of course, that has now been replaced by the Portman-Kunis scene alluded to upthread.

    I thought the Repubs’ visual-pr0n pervs were from the cold northern reaches, like Willard Romney’s fellow Mormons (Utah being the state with the highest per-capita dirty-pix sales, yes?) IIRC, it was one of Hucksterbee’s fella Good Ol’ Boys who explained the phrase “stump-broke mule” to a radio show host during an earlier election cycle…

  101. 101
    Fuzz says:

    This is kind of unrelated but I never get why the right wing is so obsessed with this influence his father had over him, even though Obama barely had any relationship with his dad and has said so numerous times. Huck has gone full bore into this recently and it’s just weird, if they’re going to make fun of him for writing 2 autobiographies they should at least find out what’s in them first.

  102. 102
    Jamie says:

    And 3 years ago he was marketed as the sensible conservative…. sheesh. It may be something that happens when Ailes buys your soul?

  103. 103
    Jamie says:

    And wasn’t this country formed as a reaction against British Imperialism.

  104. 104
    a hip hop artist from Idaho (fka Bella Q) says:

    @Jamie: Well you can’t go expecting any kind of logical consistency from these folks.

  105. 105
    Chris says:

    Huckabee, you short-sighted ingrate, if poor minority women weren’t screwing and having kids, you couldn’t go on offense against them – like your people do every fucking year when Republicans wield budget knives – and you’d have to defend your record of things like releasing Maurice Clemmons and Wayne Dumond to rape/kill again.

    But yeah, keep trying to win the anti-Natalie Portman vote.

  106. 106
    jetan says:

    “In closing, I would like to say a few words about The Great Pumpkin.”

  107. 107
    nancydarling says:

    I know some one who went to college with Medved. He so annoyed his professors that “Don’t be a Medved” became part of the professorial lexicon, at least while he was there. It might have been Princeton—memory fails.

    Also, Huckabillie’s son, when a Boy Scout camp councilor, hung and tortured a stray dog in front of his young charges. The kid is a real sicko. Don’t have time to look up the link for this, but trust me, it’s true.

  108. 108
    Mike Kay (True Grit) says:

    there’s never been a more glamorized and glorified single mom than Bristol Palin. Especially at the GOP convention.

    and she was a fucking high school drop out.

  109. 109
    bob h says:

    Surely that 75% number was picked out of his ass?

  110. 110
    JCT says:

    @Mike Kay (True Grit):

    she was a fucking high school drop out

    and, directly related to Huckabee’s nonsensical riff — she hasn’t bothered marrying the father.

    Why oh why don’t any of these “interviewers” ask these guys the obvious questions?

    And while they’re at it with old Huckabee — don’t forget to ask him directly about that lap-band/gastric bypass that he has been lying about all of these years. Wouldn’t want your preacher to bear false witness or anything. Putz.

  111. 111

    @bob h: Tsk, tsk. Next you’ll express skepticism when Mike tells you equal marriage rights cause men to abandon their families and run up a $300 billion/year tab for the tax payer.

    Yes, you may safely assume any stats he sites are pulled out of his ass. Note that while he has exact figures for the scary brown people, he doesn’t have a number for Caucasians.

  112. 112

    […] what I really want to point out here is Angry Black Lady’s reaction to this: So let me get this straight. The Huckster is concerned about the colored kids born out of […]

  113. 113
    polyorchnid octopunch says:

    @Chris: 100% this.

  114. 114
    kay says:

    You know, right now, 75 percent of black kids in this country are born out of wedlock. 61 percent of Hispanic kids—across the board, 41 percent of all live births in America are out of wedlock births. And the cost of that is simply staggering.

    Interesting that rural, white, Mike Huckabee chose to break it down like that. He knows better.
    My overwhelmingly white rural overtly religious county has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the state, per capita. But he knows the teen pregnancy rate in low income rural white counties, as the former governor of Arkansas. Conservatives just always neglect to mention it.

  115. 115
    Svensker says:

    @Arundel:

    Medved is the sort of prissy moral scold that still thinks driving Ingrid Bergman out of Hollywood for unwed motherhood was a good idea.

    My brother refuses to watch Ingrid Bergman movies for that reason (srsly!) but listens religiously to Rush “How many divorces?” Limbaugh.

  116. 116
    TheColourfield says:

    If I had a band its name would now be Rampant Sluttery

  117. 117
    TMomof3 says:

    Huckabee is an ass, but here’s where he is brilliant- in making these comments about Portman, he has indirectly poked at Sarah Palin’s camp (Bristol’s out of wedlock pregnancy). He is making a case to those GOP constituents that she doesn’t hold the same values, really, and that he should get the GOP nod for 2012.
    Now, on the subject of Portman- here’s where he is a hypocrite big time. First of all, she has worked very hard to get where she is in her career. Did I miss the memo or isn’t that revered in the Republican camp? So the whole comparison to poor single mothers is ridiculous. That was nothing but a racial slam cloaked in statistics. Second, he’s all for the right to life but not for pregnancy out of wedlock. I love the “damned if we do, damned if we don’t” logic there. Last, he’d love to see women’s vadges regulated by the Fed I’m sure, but then that would be going against another precious Republican tenet- less federal regulation in our lives. This guy is an ass, period.

  118. 118
    Lihtox says:

    What he’s saying is that it’s okay to get pregnant outside of marriage, but only if you’re rich and poor people aren’t watching.

  119. 119
    MarkJ says:

    Well considering the fact that his moral mentoring/parenting produced a son who tortures and kills animals, I’d say it might be best for everyone to just ignore any moral pronouncements Huckabee might care to make.

  120. 120
    Jamey: Bike Commuter of the Gods says:

    So let me get this straight. The Huckster is concerned about the colored kids born out of wedlock, but at the same time wants to force all women to have babies should they become pregnant through rape, contraception failure, a mistake, or rampant sluttery, and then he has the temerity to lament the poor uneducated and unemployed status of the zombie babymakers single moms while at the same time preaching abstinence only.

    Well, when you put it that way…

    Also, can I put in my vote for use hereabouts of the phrase, “fucksaw demonstration” whenever possible?

  121. 121
    tleighb says:

    @Joel: The tenth.

  122. 122
    Chet says:

    The Huckster is concerned about the colored kids born out of wedlock, but at the same time wants to force all women to have babies should they become pregnant through rape, contraception failure, a mistake, or rampant sluttery, and then he has the temerity to lament the poor uneducated and unemployed status of the zombie babymakers single moms while at the same time preaching abstinence only.

    I don’t know about Huck himself, but I’ve long had the suspicion that a lot of these “pro-life” people don’t give a flying fuck about nonwhite abortions, and if anything would probably welcome more of them.

    A couple years ago Kathryn Joyce of The Nation had a piece about how concern about demographics (the dusky hordes are outbreeding us!) has joined the more traditional pro-embryo and pro-patriarchy rationales for the antiabortion movement. Read it here.

  123. 123
    Arundel says:

    @Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen – March 3, 2011 | 10:41 pm · Link

    @Arundel: Dear Mr. Offhismedsved,
    What are you going to do about it?
    That’s what I thought.
    Shut the fuck up.

    What the hell is your problem? Jerk.

  124. 124
    Ash Can says:

    @Arundel: Look again — I’m pretty sure that TBCC was directing the slam to Medved, in response to your comment.

  125. 125
    Alice Martin says:

    How does one have “out-of-children-wedlock”?

  126. 126
    Arundel says:

    @Ash Can- Thank you, sigh I did misread it. Mea Culpa.

  127. 127
    Miguel says:

    @Mark S.: Hahahaha

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