Monkey See, Monkey Dumb-Ass

You know who is most relieved about this declaration?

Monkeys.






31 replies
  1. 1
    Allan says:

    I’m going to need to see pictures of Kingston’s mother before I render a judgment.

  2. 2
    MattF says:

    At least, when a monkey flings feces at you, it’s not also claiming to save your immortal soul.

  3. 3
    Loneoak says:

    Check the kerning on his birth certificate.

  4. 4
    gnomedad says:

    Later in the segment he added, “I don’t believe that a creature crawled out of the sea and became a human being one day.”

    Neither do I. Bipartisan, bitches!

  5. 5
    Baud says:

    The GOP: Proving that evolution &#8800 progress.

  6. 6
    Eric U. says:

    I subscribe to the “pond scum” theory of evolution. That is, most of us had ancestors that evolved from pond scum through a convoluted series of evolutionary steps, and finally became human. However, many republicans are still just pond scum.

  7. 7
    Violet says:

    Where’s Kingston’s birth certificate? Can he prove he didn’t come from monkeys? Long form only, please. With official seal. No, not that one. That one’s not good enough. The real one. Otherwise, reasonable people must consider the fact that he came from a monkey. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  8. 8
    JR says:

    “Darwin’s Mistake”

    Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree
    Discussing things as they’re said to be.
    Said one to the others, “Now listen, you two,
    There’s a certain rumour that can’t be true,
    That man descended from our noble race.
    That very idea is a disgrace.
    No monkey ever deserted his wife,
    Starved her babies or ruined her life.
    And another thing you will never see,
    A monk build a fence round a coconut tree,
    And let the coconuts go to waste,
    Forbidding all other monks to taste.
    If I put a fence around this tree,
    Starvation would force you to steal from me.
    Here’s another thing a monk won’t do,
    Go out at night and get in a stew,
    And use a gun or pull a knife,
    To take some other monkey’s life.
    Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss,
    But brother, he didn’t descend from us!”
    __
    — Author unknown

  9. 9
    bemused says:

    Kingston’s monkey business wasn’t a shocking surprise. What made me want to band my head on the table was what he said before that. “what we can agree on is consistent science….science shouldn’t even be in the debate….put the science on the table and we’re all going to agree with whatever…”
    Incoherent gibberish. Another chapter in conservatives trying to have it both (all) ways.

  10. 10
    MonkeyBoy says:

    I resemble that remark!

    [fucking Lectroids]

  11. 11
    bemused says:

    Kingston’s monkey business was not a shocking surprise. What made me want to bang my head on the table was what he said before that…”What we can agree on is consistent science…science shouldn’t even be in the debate….put the science on the table and we’re all going to agree with whatever…”.
    Incoherent gibberish. Another chapter in conservatives trying to have it both (all) ways.

  12. 12
    dr. luba says:

    @JR: Monkeys are obviously social.ists. No wonder the good congressman denies any relationship!

  13. 13
    Bill Murray says:

    Maybe he was being clever, as chimpanzees aren’t monkeys. no wait he’s a Republican congressman from Georgia, clever isn’t in his repertoire. He should be on the lookout for book carrying orangutans

  14. 14
    alwhite says:

    He is right – no real scientist thinks we have descended from monkeys. We do have a common ancestor & there are fossil records of them. At some point in time we separated from that early animal and became human, apes & monkeys became apes & monkeys. This ignorance is intentional as it helps sell doubt to the morans.

    My last name was ‘Gibbons’ & when kids gave me grief about monkeys (actually gibbon is an ape not a monkey!) I always said I wished their decedents as much luck.

  15. 15
    Baud says:

    I’m a little surprised no one has referred to this yet:

    Gorilla walks upright

    I guess I’ll do it.

  16. 16
    MonkeyBoy says:

    @Bill Murray:

    chimpanzees aren’t monkeys

    @alwhite:

    no real scientist thinks we have descended from monkeys.

    It all depends upon how you define and understand things. Many real scientists will say that “Humans ARE apes, apes ARE monkeys, and monkeys ARE primates”. What confuses the creationists is that the early human ancestors among the apes, monkeys, and primates no longer exist today.

  17. 17
    jrg says:

    I don’t believe that a creature crawled out of the sea and became a human being one day.

    Holy Christ… This guy does not have a clue WTF is going on, does he?

    I’m betting the fact that scientists don’t believe this either bothers him one bit, if he’s even aware of the fact that this is not what evolution proposes.

    I mean, you’d gain a better understanding of evolution watching “South Park”. But don’t call Republicans dumb asses, oh, fuck no, that would be rude.

  18. 18
    trollhattan says:

    It’s not hard to understand why Canadians have so many eyerolling injuries.

    “Embracing the stoopid, since 1777.”

    Speaking of which, today’s Doonsbury:

    http://www.doonesbury.com/strip#

  19. 19
    Persia says:

    @MonkeyBoy: oh, were that the only thing that confused the creationists.

  20. 20
    Clutch414 says:

    Is anyone surprised that Kingston said this? It’s par for the course for a conservative republican to think this way.

    I’m more surprised and troubled that D.L. Hughley agreed with him.

  21. 21
    dmsilev says:

    If then the question is put to me would I rather have a miserable ape for a grandfather or a man highly endowed by nature and possessed of great means of influence & yet who employs these faculties & that influence for the mere purpose of introducing ridicule into a grave scientific discussion, I unhesitatingly affirm my preference for the ape.

    Thomas Huxley, at one of the early public debates about evolution. The apocryphal version of the quote is “I’d rather have an ape for a grandfather than an archbishop”

    dms

  22. 22
    Michael D. says:

    I am proud to be a Canadian. Even our Conservatives are more liberal than your Democrats. Good on former Canadian Prime Minister, Kim Campbell, conservative, for ripping Kingston a new one.

  23. 23
    Joe Buck says:

    Ask this congressman to provide a DNA sample. Then, analyze the DNA for endogenous retroviruses. Then find a chimpanzee. Do the same analysis. Point out to the Congressman the common bands of viral DNA, inserted by infection of a germ cell in a common ancestor of the chimpanzee and the human by a retrovirus. This DNA is very distinct from mammalian DNA.

    (By the way, the Wikipedia article on endogenous retroviruses, thanks to edit wars with creationists, suggests that this is not open-and-shut, but the scientific literature on the point is solid).

  24. 24
    Wag says:

    Are all the comments after the poen stricken out for anyone else?

  25. 25
  26. 26
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    I think a large part of the resistance to evolution, especially in the south, is that if it’s true then they aren’t Pure White. That would absolutely shatter their ‘white is right’ world views. The way some people treat anyone who is a different color than white makes it pretty easy to extrapolate that into a strong aversion to admitting that they have a common ancestry with those they hate.

    What Kingston said makes even more sense (well, his version of sense) when you look at it this way.

    For many of these idiots, their worst nightmare would be finding out that they are no different than those they hate. Christianity offers a refuge for these types, a way to ‘excuse’ their racism and bigotry as their ‘religion’.

  27. 27
    goatchowder says:

    My god, are we still having this discussion? Wasn’t this settled over 86 years ago? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scopes_monkey_trial

    Then again, large political parties in the south are still fighting the Civil War, 150 years later, so I guess the stoopid, once it takes root, is harder than kudzu to get rid of.

  28. 28
    alwhite says:

    @MonkeyBoy:
    No real scientist would say monkey are apes or humans are apes. You see, trollboy words have meaning and things like kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus and species all have specific meaning too.

    Look them up sometime & try to wrap your tiny brain around actual science instead of the bullshit of science illiterate teabaggers.

  29. 29
  30. 30
    MonkeyBoy says:

    @alwhite:

    *PLONK*

  31. 31
    Howlin Wolfe says:

    My immediate thought on reading that headline was, “He’s right; more likely he descended directly from a skunk, or a snake, or maybe a paramecium.” But even that may be insulting to those species. But “descended” is definitely the right direction. Evolved, not so much.

Comments are closed.