Will They Make The Connection?

I’m still laughing at the way Tucker Carlson’s vanity project basically inserted itself into the day’s news by making shit up about pedestrian fatalities being caused by Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign. Even funnier is how they have changed it after the good folks at the GHSA pointed out they are lunatics. The original headline:

“First Lady’s anti-obesity campaign could be causing more pedestrian deaths.”

The new and improved headline:

“Highway safety spokesperson blames pedestrian deaths on Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign?”

I will officially take this opportunity to start an even better rumor- Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign was actually a very subtle plot to kill Jim Treacher and other right-wingers. First, they get them to walk more, then they have other branches of the government run them down.

It’s true. The ghost of Vince Foster told me so.

83 replies
  1. 1
    Linkmeister says:

    Even better, the government’s reducing costs by running them down with cars, not black helicopters!

    Deficit reduction!

  2. 2
    matoko_chan says:

    i hope you understand you just drew the blog pentagram that summons Treacher.
    he will manifest soon.

  3. 3
    dmsilev says:

    No, you obviously haven’t gone deep enough into the rabbit hole. Think about it for a moment. Who walks from place to place? Clearly not Real Americans. It’s only liberals, with their “living in densely populated areas” and “wanting to get some exercise” that do the walking.

    This is, therefore, obviously, plainly, yet another way in which Obama has Sold Out His Base, this time to the forces of Big Automotive-Induced Injury.

    dms

  4. 4
    TR says:

    Someone needs to loosen Tucker’s bowtie and get some oxygen to his brain. Sweet Jesus.

  5. 5
    Brachiator says:

    OT. Some other crazy stuff that deserves mention. The Daily Beast and Yahoo has an interesting story about La Palin. The browser I’m using has linky problems, so someone else may find a better link ref.

    Sarah Palin’s Enforcer
    __
    The right’s favorite lightning rod doesn’t bother defending herself against critics. That job falls to Rebecca Mansour, an ex-Hollywood screenwriter with sharp teeth.

    I think it’s useful to know who is pulling the puppet’s strings.

  6. 6
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    This is stupid that’s denser than Mallory metal.

    Tucker needs to replace his bow tie with a propeller beanie cap. It’ll make him look smarter.

  7. 7
    slag says:

    the good folks at the GHSA

    Juries still out on whether this “good folks” claim holds water. So far, they seem like a bunch of douchebags to me.

  8. 8
    Roger Moore says:

    Outstanding use of the Cavuto Mark.

  9. 9
    Bnut says:

    I’m assuming the Daily Caller screens it’s comments pretty harshly, since only 12 comments on this story seems a bit low for such Internet outrage.

  10. 10
    J. Michael Neal says:

    @slag:

    Juries still out on whether this “good folks” claim holds water. So far, they seem like a bunch of douchebags to me.

    Yeah, how dare they be misquoted by wingnuts who up the ante by to outright lies when the “good folks” point out the mistake!

  11. 11
    morzer says:

    @Linkmeister:

    We saved money on their Medicare also too! More deficit reduction goodness. We’ve saved enough to buy Simpson’s Bowels a new skateboard!

  12. 12
    MikeJ says:

    @Brachiator: “Hollywood writer”. One short listed on IMDB.

    Ain’t exactly in the same class as Clinton’s pals.

  13. 13
    Lolis says:

    This was definitely a warning shot to The Onion writers that their jobs are in danger.

  14. 14
    slag says:

    @J. Michael Neal: Why don’t you read what they actually wrote before you comment?

  15. 15
    Allan says:

    If you go to the GHSA website, you will find that they link to the state government agencies across the nation who comprise their membership.

    In addition to expressing my disgust directly to the organization, I have used this to contact the California Office of Traffic Safety and demand that they reject and renounce the national organization and join my call for a clean sweep of its executive leadership.

    I think if all the state agencies found emails in their inboxes tomorrow demanding that they address this idiocy with GHSA, it would make the next few days at the GHSA headquarters far more interesting.

  16. 16
    Warren Terra says:

    @Roger Moore:

    Outstanding use of the Cavuto Mark.

    I think this may need its own term. Note that they’re not just using a question mark to turn an unsubstantiated accusation formulated into a mere innocent question – they’re using it to “ask” whether the unsubstantiated accusation was made by a different person. To me, at least, there’s a big difference between the headline:

    Puppies dismembered by the dozen?

    and the headline:

    Woodrow Wilson dismembered puppies by the dozen?

    or even the headline:

    Mrs. Wilson says Woodrow Wilson dismembered puppies by the dozen?

    All these puppy-murdering headlines use question marks to turn a false and inflammatory statement into a mere question. But while the first two headlines make a vile and false accusation (in the safe form of a question), it’s the way the last one manages to place the accusation in the mouth of a third party, still in the innocuous form of a question, that is the real achievement of evil here.

  17. 17
    Ija says:

    @J. Michael Neal:

    The spokesman mentioned Michelle Obama in a radio interview. Can you be misquoted in a radio interview? How does that work?

    http://www.wmal.com/Article.asp?id=2087141

    Governors Highway Safety Administration spokesman Jonathan Adkins told 630 WMAL that Michelle Obama is “trying to get us to walk to work and exercise a little bit more. While that’s good, it also increases our exposure to risk.”

    I wouldn’t be too quick to call GHSA the victim here. They bear some responsibility as well.

  18. 18
    nevsky42 says:

    I’m glad some people can still laugh, I just find it incredibly depressing. With this kind of knee-jerk reaction from the right Michelle should start a campaign to prevent people from picking their noses with rusty Garden Weasels…

  19. 19
    quaint irene says:

    And what about that vegetable garden she started on the White House grounds?My god, an innocent child walking in there could get stung by a bee or their sneakers all scuffed up or get all grossed out by a really icky bug.

    The First Lady is a monster!

  20. 20
    piratedan says:

    Remember when Tucker Carlson used to be relevant? me neither….

  21. 21
    gbear says:

    @Linkmeister:

    Even better, the government’s reducing costs by running them down with cars

    I thought we were slapping them in the face with busses.

  22. 22
    Ija says:

    @piratedan:

    Which billionaire is bankrolling Daily Caller? Or is Carlson a trust fund baby with family money?

  23. 23
    Cat Lady says:

    Hack No. 22 is “a thin-skinned mess of hypocrisy”. No need to reinvent the wheel.

    Repeat offenses: Sexism, dickishness, defensive hypermasculinity, dishonesty.
    __
    Representative quote:
    __
    “Fuck you.”

  24. 24
    lllphd says:

    i actually called that GHSA office today to get the skinny, and the guy, jon adkins (every nice guy, by the by) explained it was a very rightwing radio station, and the context very clearly not a slam against michelle, in fact they thoroughly support her program.

    i suggested an alternative interpretation of their data, that more folks are walking because driving and even cycling and public transportation are so damn expensive, or – in the case of public transport – has been either budget cut to hell or defunded altogether.

    he was very responsive and appreciative. said his message to the public is to be safe.

  25. 25
    kvenlander says:

    Someday somebody will say something so outrageously stupid on Teh Internets that we’ll just have to shut the whole thing down because it just isn’t worth it anymore. Something where the stupid is so pointed and contagious that just being exposed to it makes you vote for the next Teahadist candidate. This isn’t it – yet – but I think I lost thousands of neurons reading this (second hand!).

    The Wingularity Event Horizon is approaching. Repent!

  26. 26
    mark says:

    @Brachiator: you know who else was an ex-hollywood screenwriter? Ayn Rand.

  27. 27
    BGinCHI says:

    Yeah, but this is what we get for complaining that GWB took us to war and got thousands of people killed.

    Tucker is just showing us that we should have kept quiet.

  28. 28
    Mike B says:

    Are we sure the uptick in pedestrian deaths isn’t due to pedestrians being run over by wingnuts in motorized scooters on their way to Tea Party rallies?

    Isn’t this the question we should be asking?

  29. 29
    Ija says:

    @lllphd:

    jon adkins (every nice guy, by the by) explained it was a very rightwing radio station

    But he’s the guy who was interviewed by the radio station. So he denies specifically mentioning Michelle Obama and her campaign?

  30. 30

    If only Agent Flowbee had released the “Whitey Tape” as promised! Just think of all the lives that could have been saved.

  31. 31
    quaint irene says:

    Repeat offenses: Sexism, dickishness, defensive hypermasculinity, dishonesty.
    Representative quote:
    “Fuck you.”

    And here I thought you were talking about James O’Keefe.

  32. 32
    Loneoak says:

    Man, Jim Treacher’s logo always makes me laugh. I’m having a hard time describing the aesthetic.

    67-year-old shut in failed cartoonist for free Des Moines westside newsletter?
    Gilligan’s Island meets the scribblings of 12-year-old Sean Hannity?

  33. 33
    soonergrunt says:

    Veterinarian treating animals abused by bestiality blames Tucker Carlson?

  34. 34
    aimai says:

    This whole Michelle is trying to kill you all reminds me of a bizarro world version of the app that circulated before the 2008 election in which an ever changing text would fill your screen:

    Obama is helping your Grandmother Cross the Road
    Obama is outside fixing your bicycle
    Obama is thinking of you
    Obama is helping kitties

    I liked it so much I had it up with its rotating good wishes for a while. I think someone needs to do an App like that for the Tucker Carlson, it could simply take the news of the day –say porkbellies are up, or widget production is down–and add “Michelle used X to kill children today…”

    I’ll start: 5 Inches of Snow expected in MA. tomorrow. Michelle Obama urges children to eat any that is yellow. What do you want to bet it will be picked up by Tucker?

    aimai

  35. 35
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @quaint irene: Repeat offenses: Sexism, dickishness, defensive hypermasculinity, dishonesty.
    Representative quote:
    “Fuck you.”

    Until it came to “Fuck you” I figured you were talking about Lieberman

  36. 36
    Boots Day says:

    Or is Carlson a trust fund baby with family money?

    Tucker Carlson’s children are named Lillie, Hopie, Dorothy and Buckley. That should answer your question.

  37. 37
    slag says:

    @Allan: I like this idea. The Michelle Obama nonsense aside, they definitely seem to be preaching a very rightwing worldview. And not just on Rush Limbaugh.

  38. 38
    Chris Wolf says:

    The police should hire Keith Haring to do the chalk outlines.

  39. 39
    Belafon (formerly anonevent) says:

    @matoko_chan: OK, you actually made me laugh.

  40. 40
    demkat620 says:

    Okay, its enough, I don’t want to live to see Peak Wingnut anymore.

    It’s too much.

  41. 41
    Mike Kay says:

    poor Tucker, he’s such a miserable failure.

  42. 42
    Citizen_X says:

    Did Tucker Carlson help Glenn Beck rape and murder a girl?

    I’M JUST ASKING!

  43. 43
    Mike Kay says:

    @Citizen_X:

    exactly, why did they rape and kill JonBenet?

  44. 44
    gnomedad says:

    It’s been periodically suggested that, for example, Obama should warn Glenn Beck listeners about the risks of chugging Ipecac. If Michelle warns white seniors to get out of their houses for exercise as often as possible, that should put a crimp in Tea Party operations.

  45. 45
    Linkmeister says:

    @gbear: Maybe, although the only Federally-owned buses I’ve ever seen were owned by the military and used to truck people from terminals out onto the tarmac to get on their KC-135s or KC-141s and fly off to outlying posts in the empire.

  46. 46
    Allan says:

    @slag: I don’t get mad, I get even.

  47. 47

    Oops! Wrong thread. Sorry.

  48. 48
    Cat Lady says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    If you’re Joe Lieberman you pretty much completely suck at life if Chuck Todd, Pat Buchanan and Joe Scar, your natural allies, shit talk you. Jeebus, everyone but Walnuts hates Lieberman.

  49. 49
    Allan says:

    @lllphd:

    he was very responsive and appreciative. said his message to the public is to be safe.

    He did a very bad job of getting that message across. I’m sure there’s someone else in DC who’s more competent.

  50. 50
    danimal says:

    Not that policy matters a damn bit in these type of blogstorms, but I’ll pretend to analyze this as if it’s a real issue.

    IIRC, the massive pedestrian death increase was about 0.04%, with the sum total being about 7 more pedestrian deaths. If the anti-obesity campaingn is at all effective, and if there is any correlation between the campaign and increased pedestrian deaths, it’s still a good bargain. Reducing obesity rates even a smidge (a highly technical term, I realize) will save FAR more than 7 lives. And a whole lot of money, as well.

  51. 51
    The Dangerman says:

    If this is the best shit they’ve got (yes, that can be taken in multiple ways), it just goes to show how weak they are.

    Notice how the Republican House shifted to being concerned over jobs? You mean they didn’t? Watch their poll numbers go to shit now. Can’t win an election with just the teatard 27 percenters.

  52. 52
    Cacti says:

    @Ija:

    Which billionaire is bankrolling Daily Caller? Or is Carlson a trust fund baby with family money?

    Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson.

    Swanson frozen foods.

  53. 53
    PS says:

    OT but surprisingly close to brilliant, here’s the opening:

    AT&T slips into the Supreme Court chamber this morning, moments before arguments are set to start. He feels slightly affronted that nobody seems to notice him. (AT&T is a very emotional guy.) AT&T is handsome in the obvious way. (He has the Nights and Weekends plan). After these same justices ruled almost a year ago to the day that he had the same political-speech rights as human people, he’s feeling a lot more corporeal than he used to. If things go his way today, in the coming years he will enjoy not only free speech and personal privacy rights but the right to bear arms as well. …

    Heartbreak ensues

  54. 54
    MoeLarryAndJesus says:

    Tucker Carlson was infamous as a frat boy at Trinity College due to his habit of indulging in auto-felching in public. He’d bounce into a room all naked and stinking of his own manjuice and he’d hop up onto a table and do his act with a long straw. And, of course, he’d finish it all off with a White Russian chaser.

    This is all at least as true as anything the little prick writes about anyone named Obama.

  55. 55
    gnomedad says:

    @The Dangerman:

    If this is the best shit they’ve got

    “Best” is irrelevant. The monkeys will fling whatever poo they can get their hands on.

  56. 56
    wasabi gasp says:

    Booyah! More kills than Palin. Suck it, baggers.

  57. 57
    slag says:

    @Allan: Exactly. His message to the public was to be afraid. And drive more.

  58. 58
    PeakVT says:

    Reminds of this find by Dr. Black:

    In this society, being car-less is a significant empediment being a full citizen. Such situations make you dependent on the collective, and to the schedules of mass transit. Car-less is no way for an american to live.

  59. 59
    Mark S. says:

    @The Dangerman:

    If this is the best shit they’ve got

    Well, here’s more shit:

    The Republican Study Committee (RSC) today released a plan that supposedly outlines $2.5 trillion in spending cuts over ten years. But as The Wonk Room pointed out, only $330 billion of the $2.5 trillion is specified, while the rest is simply hand-waving about keeping non-defense discretionary spending at the 2006 level for a decade.

    Even dimbulb Neil Cavuto didn’t buy this shit, so Rep. Campbell pretended his plan cut $330 billion every year for ten years. And of course, there will be no cuts to SS, Medicare, defense, and all the other shit that adds up to 85% of the fucking budget.

    I’m going out on a limb here, but it really isn’t constructive to have one party consisting entirely of delusional dipshits. We actually have some serious problems in this country, problems that need to be addressed or America could very well be a second-rate power in fifty years, and instead half of Congress is studying ways to balance the budget by cutting PBS and AmTrak.

  60. 60
    The Dangerman says:

    I’m going out on a limb here, but it really isn’t constructive to have one party consisting entirely of delusional dipshits.

    Which is why we should be thankful that the Senate and White House remain the figurative adults in the room; the Republicans have nothing beyond tax cuts and cutting spending (and, as you say, they can’t do it by going after PBS and Amtrak). The next 2 years will suck shit, but the Republicans have a problem in 2012 (and, if Palin gets nominated, they have even bigger problems).

  61. 61
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    @Citizen_X:

    Was Tucker Carlson in then Congressman Joe Scarborough’s (R-Jesusstan) office where a young woman was later found dead?

    It would be irresponsible not to speculate!

  62. 62
    J. Michael Neal says:

    @slag: I did. What they said is, basically, that if there are more people walking, there is a greater possibility for “pedestrian-vehicle conflicts.” That seems not only entirely undickish, but incontrovertibly true. Hence their statement that pedestrians need to make sure they pay attention.

    @Ija:

    I wouldn’t be too quick to call GHSA the victim here. They bear some responsibility as well.

    Responsibility for what? Pointing out the fucking obvious? Yes, if people walk more, it has the potential to increase pedestrian fatalities. They never claimed that it did. They never claimed that it will. All they did was say that it could, and ask pedestrians to make sure they’re paying attention.

    I don’t know that they are the victim, but they sure as hell didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t care if they did mention Michelle Obama. Simply mentioning her isn’t a problem. The problem is what Carlson’s Clowns did with that statement.

    As for this, slag:

    Exactly. His message to the public was to be afraid. And drive more.

    You’re imagining things. He not only didn’t say that, he said the exact opposite. He said that increased walking is a good thing. All he said was that there are a lot of clueless pedestrians, which is a phenomenon I can personally attest to, because there are a lot of them.

    He isn’t out to get anyone. He’s just a part of a bog standard pubic awareness campaign.

  63. 63
    Stillwater says:

    @BGinCHI: Yeah, but this is what we get for complaining that GWB took us to war and got thousands of people killed.

    And now the Obamas killing more Americans…

    I know it’s too true to refute, but both sides do it.

  64. 64
    fucen tarmal says:

    you people are dismissing this notion too quickly. i mean, this is the first speck of nuance, and consideration for unintended consequences we have heard from the right wing for a while.

    and sure, purely in its own context, its a lazy attempt at “not it” over the tucson shootings. but consider even at that,this is the best they got, the state of the republic is sound. at least as far democrats making the point that the right wing is nuts is concerned, they can’t even defend themselves anymore.

    more importantly, if we allow this sort of reasoning into the public debates, imagine what we can do with the “values” agenda, the case that purity rings cause anal secks is far clearer. so can’t we then say its a latent desire of the right wing to see their most delicate flowers pounded into the headboards in pillow-biting glory? or their war on the poor? they were in fact, war criminals in the last administration? easier cases to make all.

    it seems this is an admission of blanket culpability, and even perhaps intent.

  65. 65
    SFAW says:

    What?

  66. 66

    Next Daily Caller article:

    ‘Whitey’ tape uncovered?

  67. 67
    Jager says:

    @Boots Day:

    Who fathered them?

  68. 68
    Jager says:

    @J. Michael Neal: the increase was something like .04%, that’s a handful of texting while walking asshats strolling into traffic.

  69. 69
    harlana says:

    I’m not going to read anything Tucker Carlson has to say. Can i just complain in general? Harrumph

  70. 70

    Tucker Carlson – Needle-dicked bug fucker?

  71. 71
    kdaug says:

    Wait – did Glen Beck just imply that Tucker Carlson was directly responsible for the rape of Guatamalan schoolboys by Catholic priests wearing Prada vests and Boba Fett masks?

    I’m more than willing to air both sides of the argument, and it’s certainly something that Tucker should have the opportunity to respond to here, but there are non-trivial implications we must take into account.

    These allegations are serious, and clearly warrant further investigation.

    I await a response from Team Tucker.

  72. 72

    @Jager:

    @J. Michael Neal: the increase was something like .04%, that’s a handful of texting while walking asshats strolling into traffic.

    How much did Jim Treacher contribute to these statistics when he threw himself in front of a government vehicle in order to try to cash in big by filing a frivolous lawsuit?

  73. 73
    slag says:

    @J. Michael Neal: Placing the blame for a practically/possibly nonexistent increase in pedestrian fatalities almost entirely on pedestrians and “livable communities” and “‘get moving’ health campaigns” is not only stupid but counterproductive. Why not blame…oh, I don’t know…cars? And overly car-centric city planning? Here’s why not: because you’re a bunch of douchebags who apparently don’t even understand what the term “livable communities” actually means in spite of the fact that you work in TRANSPORTATION.

  74. 74
    MoeLarryAndJesus says:

    @Thoughtful Black Co-Citizen:

    Well, yeah, but he has to get the bugs drunk first. And they all end saying he was too fast.

  75. 75
    morzer says:

    Shouldn’t we investigate the claim that Tucker Carlson committed suicide seven times in order to make out like a bandit on life insurance?

  76. 76
    asiangrrlMN says:

    Tucker Carlson is a life-sized puppet with Rush Limbaugh’s hand up his ass, manipulating his bowels. You read it here first.

    Wait. That’s unsubstantiated.

    Tucker Carlson is a life-sized puppet with Rush Limbaugh’s hand up his ass, manipulating his bowels?

    Much better.

  77. 77
    Jebediah says:

    @morzer:

    Shouldn’t we investigate the claim that Tucker Carlson committed suicide seven times in order to make out like a bandit on life insurance?

    Of course we should, but the fact that he did it seven times and is still here indicates that none of the various afterlifes/underworlds/heavens want that smarmy needle-dicked bugfucking shit-hose either.

  78. 78
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    Soooo….

    Whatever happened to Treacher’s BIG STORY about the sinister government employee who hit him with the sinister black SUV?

    It was all Treacher “hit-and-run” all the time until about the time the police report was supposed to come out. Then…crickets.

  79. 79
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    @slag:

    Why not put the blame on the obvious culprit? Those deadly silent hippie-hybrid-mobiles.

  80. 80
    Ash Can says:

    @lllphd: Good for you for going straight to the source. Hopefully this guy realizes that he was hung out to dry by the shitheels at WMAL and made to look like an ass, and has learned his lesson about talking to “very right wing” radio people.

  81. 81
    lllphd says:

    @Ija:

    he explained it was taken completely out of context. i didn’t press him on that, as i hadn’t listened to the entire show (nor did i want to), but instead wanted to offer him an alternative explanation he might actually use in the course of press coverage for this mess that emphasized the COST of transportation being why more folks are walking.

    he really was a nice guy, and i counted the fact that he so readily acknowledged the station was rightwing as a good thing.

    and he talked to me. i didn’t ask to speak directly to him, he’s the one who came to the phone when this nobody (i gave my name and said i was ‘just a citizen’) called in.

  82. 82
    lllphd says:

    @Ash Can:

    i got the distinct impression he was (see previous comment). tho he didn’t apologize, he did stress that they support michelle’s program.

  83. 83
    les says:

    @Cat Lady:

    don’t forget BoBo, who loves him too, in a totes heterosexual way. Also.

Comments are closed.