Westboro Baptist Church: Putting the Whole Ass in “Asshole”

Keepin’ it klassy for the Lord!

Those Westboro assholes are at it again. They are going to protest Elizabeth Edwards’ funeral this weekend because of course they are. Apparently, she is in hell with all of the fallen soldiers because God hates fags or something:

When I die (and if I don’t return as The Great Rudy Huxtable), I sure as hell want to go wherever the fags, Elizabeth Edwards, and all the fallen soldiers are, as long as it’s far away from wherever Phelps and his merry band of unholy assholes end up.

They call it hell; I call it a welcome respite from the extraordinarily evil hearts and minds of these relentless jerks.

Edwards’s funeral is at 1 pm in Raleigh, NC at Edenton United Methodist. Already, people are organizing to form a human wall to buffer Elizabeth’s friends and family as they mourn her passing. To find out what you can do to help, join the Wall of Peace Against Westboro Baptist Church Facebook page for details.

Phelps and Phucks have a First Amendment right to protest; everyone else has a First Amendment right to shout them down. It worked in Oklahoma—after Phelps and his crew had their tires slashed and could find no one willing to help them out, Phelps responded that there should be “woe unto Oklahoma.”

Pfft. You should die unto a fire.






90 replies
  1. 1
    soonergrunt says:

    I wonder how those shitbirds from last night feel about this.
    Phelps and his crowd promised to start protesting at the funerals of children in Oklahoma after the tire-slashing event in McAlester.
    There have three funerals for children in OK since then, and the Phelps’ haven’t shown up at any of them.

  2. 2

    They have progressed from source of outrage into the punchline of an exceedingly bad joke, so I think they’re just turning up the volume on the desperate sound and fury.

    They used to make me insanely angry, now I just shake my head. Good ol’ Fred has to die soon though, right? RIGHT?

  3. 3
    soonergrunt says:

    @TheYankeeApologist: From my favorite Billy Joel song, “Only the good die young.”
    The shit heads last damn near forever, like Strom Thurmond, so I’m not holding out much hope.

  4. 4

    I still think that the whole clan should hope that Judgment Day is a myth.

  5. 5
    jl says:

    I guess what their point is that, God hates everyone who does not hate fags as much as they do. Do I have that right?

    And the evidence that God hates them for not hating fags enough is that, these people who God hates die as punishment?

    But we all die sooner or later, right? I do have that correct, right?

    So, none of us hate fags enough, since we all die

    And that is their point?

    Right?

    That makes no sense to me.

    They just a bunch of insanely hateful psychotic nut jobs, who make no sense, right?

  6. 6
    Wag says:

    I want to know who the fuck is bankrolling these idiots. Travel ain’t cheap.

  7. 7
    somethingblue says:

    Thanks for doing your part to give these creeps the attention they so desperately crave.

  8. 8

    @soonergrunt:

    @TheYankeeApologist: From my favorite Billy Joel song, “Only the good die young.”
    The shit heads last damn near forever, like Strom Thurmond, so I’m not holding out much hope.

    What a coinky-dink. That’s my favorite Billy Joel song too. . . and you’re probably right. This guy is going to be rolling around on a motorized scooter, sucking down oxygen from a tank our taxes paid for, saying there should be handicapped access ramps to the funeral homes so he can picket them.

  9. 9
    soonergrunt says:

    @Wag: They are the face of the modern social conservative movement.
    Or at least, we should work very hard to make them the face of it.

  10. 10

    @somethingblue:

    Thanks for doing your part to give these creeps the attention they so desperately crave.

    If you ignore certain people or things, they go away. It doesn’t work with cancer, for example. . . .and it wouldn’t work with these folks either. This isn’t just about attention. . . . or it wouldn’t be so fucking head-trauma insane.

  11. 11

    These clowns are lucky that they haven’t gotten their asses stomped yet.

  12. 12

    ABL: Point the way to the fags and Edwards fans and I’ll bring the beer. Date?

  13. 13
    jrg says:

    @somethingblue: No shit. This will be a couple of miles from my house. I’ll be damned if I help those morons draw a bigger crowd.

  14. 14

    @Wile E. Quixote:
    They sue. That’s their pocket money.

  15. 15
    JMC_in_the_ATL says:

    I can’t wait to see the mental contortions that Tim and Matt Minus and WyldPirate and the rest of the “He Man Angry Black Lady Hatin’ Club” have to go through to keep from siding with Westboro Baptist.

  16. 16
    robertdsc-PowerBook says:

    How about a Predator drone strike on their next congregation meeting?

  17. 17
    PurpleGirl says:

    @jrg: You could join with the Wall of Peace group and provide a separation space between the Edwards family and the WBC scum. Make sure that the WBC scum can’t get too close to the church.

  18. 18
    MobiusKlein says:

    I’ll meet you in HELL!!!

    When you get there, go straight to the third pit of brimstone (on the right), take a right. Go down to the second pit, and that’s where we’ll be hanging out.

    Good luck, and don’t forget.

  19. 19

    @Chuck Butcher:

    I keep hearing this but does anyone have any cites to cases they actually won? Seriously, they’re hardly sympathetic plaintiffs, and I’d imagine that if they did get their asses kicked that there would be a lot of amnesia from witnesses and lost paperwork. Plus I’d imagine that these jackasses present themselves about as well in court as well as Oily Taint does.

  20. 20
    soonergrunt says:

    @Wile E. Quixote: Well, supposedly Shirley Phelps-Roper, Fred Phelps’ daughter, acquitted herself well in front of SCOTUS this last term.
    Phelps-pere’ used to be a civil rights lawyer before he got disbarred for overbilling and stealing from his clients.
    I think they probably get settlements quite often. These usually have non-disclosure agreements attached to them.

  21. 21
    Dee Loralei says:

    Well, when Poppa Westboro dies, I hope every gay in America and every soldier, or person who had to endure the WBC at a funeral they attended has the worlds largest GayPride and Military Parade right outside the church. I think “It’s raining Men” loudly with drag queens and guys in fatigues would be one of the funniest things ever.

  22. 22

    @robertdsc-PowerBook:

    I’m thinking that someone could do a lot of damage with a Remington Police 700 in .308 and a decent scope, say a Leupold 3×9. I mean look at how much damage the DC sniper did, and with a Bushmaster for God’s sake.

  23. 23
    jeff says:

    ABL, I think these guys are a distraction and irrelevant. . . they subsist on outrage and are the exact analogue of the KKK snowman you featured recently. I think you are being distracted by the outlier, over-the-top stuff, and that’s fine, but I think it’s really marginal. I think it suits power for all of us to be distracted by shit like this.

  24. 24
    jrg says:

    @PurpleGirl: Yeah, because it’s important that I spend my Saturday taking a stand against a group that everyone already hates… And by doing so, feed the media frenzy that they thrive on. Alternatively, I could spend time with my wife, or go for a bike ride, or take my dog for a walk. Give me a fucking break. It’s counter productive. If they just wanted to hate, they wouldn’t have to leave Kansas. There’s a reason they’re showing up at high profile places. I have other things to do, and I want no part of it.

  25. 25

    @jrg:

    Give me a fucking break. It’s counter productive. If they just wanted to hate, they wouldn’t have to leave Kansas. There’s a reason they’re showing up at high profile places. I have other things to do, and I want no part of it.

    No one says you have to go and be part of the human wall, but believe me . . . if no one went and did that, these people would STILL BE THERE. This is NOT just about attention. This is the purest form of batshit-crazy evil.

    I personally think it’s great that ABL brought this to people’s attention. If it gets a few people in the area out to help shield the Edwards family from these assholes, mission accomplished.

    Enjoy walking your dog, though.

  26. 26
    jrg says:

    @TheYankeeApologist:

    This is NOT just about attention.

    Horse shit.

    Enjoy walking your dog, though.

    I will. Thanks!

  27. 27
    Morbo says:

    Trolls gonna troll, especially professional for-profit trolls.

  28. 28
    mikefromArlington says:

    Please fill their mufflers with some of that expanding insulation foam in a spray can. It’ll do wonders to their trip home.

  29. 29
    PurpleGirl says:

    @jrg: YMMV.

  30. 30
    Bnut says:

    But didn’t you know Phelps used to be a DEMOCRAT! It’s insane, that is the only point commenters seem to bring up on right leaning blogs and message boards every time this Mensa candidate and his pod children poke their heads out of Crackerville, KS.

  31. 31

    @jrg:
    You actually seriously think these people print up all these pamphlets, drive all over hell and creation, and picket the funerals of national heroes because they want to see their faces on TV?

    People go on reality shows for attention. This is far more insidious and frightening. But hey, you certainly are entitled to your opinion. I just don’t see why you have to belittle people that want to call attention to it so something can be done about it.

    What if it was your brother or son or friend who came home in a flag-covered body bag? Wouldn’t you want someone to shoot off a call to arms and keep these jackals from your doorstep?

  32. 32
    YellowJournalism says:

    @jrg: Except that these counter-protests are making a difference in the number of times those nutbars show up at events or funerals, or at least gets them to not stay that long or be seen and heard by grieving families. I see your point about not giving the assholes attention and all, but I also don’t see it as a waste of time for people to try and protect the grieving family, either. It’s kind of like having different ways of getting rid of the same pest. You buy Raid while others prefer good old roach motels or the bottom of their shoes.

  33. 33

    ABL, I think these guys are a distraction and irrelevant

    I doubt the mourning families feel the same way.

  34. 34
  35. 35
    burnspbesq says:

    Look at the bright side. If Fred Phelps had been around in 1788, we would have a very different First Amendment.

  36. 36
    Mark S. says:

    Yeah, ABL, I don’t think this blog post is going to change the world, and it isn’t going to clean my cats’ litter box either. Why are you wasting precious Internet resources?

    [snark–in case anyone’s in doubt]

  37. 37
    bliprob says:

    @jrg it’s a couple of miles from my house, too. Why not walk your dog down there? That’s what I’m going to do.

    I didn’t know there were so many Raleigh folks reading Balloon Juice.

  38. 38
    Interrobang says:

    I know this is probably going to rankle some folks, but thank goodness I’m Canadian and we have laws saying we don’t have to put up with this shit, and our government won’t let those wastes of oxygen into our country. Why should we — houseguests who, the last time they were there, shat on the rug, kicked your cat, and wrote ten-foot-high four-letter words in Sharpie all over your bedroom wall, don’t generally get invited back.

    Also, the Phelpses don’t do it for attention, at least not in the normal sense. They’re a bit like neo-Nazis and other hate-filled True Believers; ignore them, and they escalate, because they read a lack of protest as tacit approval. And that’s about the last thing anyone should want…

  39. 39

    @Interrobang:

    When class room size is affected and children are taught to testing instead of their abilities it is a problem. As for the pledge, I want it to go back to the original (with out the “Under God”) because I believe that CIVIC organizations like schools, etc should have no religious affliations of any kind. If you are concerned about your children learning about God in school send them to a religious school.

    Quoted for Truth, also, too.

  40. 40
    jrg says:

    @bliprob: I’ve noticed a bunch of posters mention they are from the triangle area. Someone should organize a get together (that does not involve the WBC).

  41. 41
    YellowJournalism says:

    @Interrobang: Canadian laws don’t entirely stop them, but they sure do make it harder for them to come up because the ones that make it over the border actually have to watch what they say. They didn’t come to a planned protest in my city because of it and the fact that there was a massive, gay pride-filled counter-protest planned for them if they did show.

  42. 42
    Xenos says:

    You can never find a union thug whenever you really need one.

  43. 43
    Chris says:

    @Interrobang:

    “ignore them, and they escalate, because they read a lack of protest as tacit approval.”

    Exactly.

    And given that their tactics are not all that different from the standard GOP playbook now – what was it jl said above, “a bunch of insanely hateful psychotic nut jobs, who make no sense” – remind anyone of a party that just refused to help 9/11 first-responders? – Democrats and liberals (and really, anyone who’s interested in supporting actual sanity) should admit that having a fight with these jackasses is a pretty good thing.

    Sometimes, it’s worth having a fight to show people you feel that strongly about something political; sometimes it’s worth having a fight to practice fighting (despite what a lot of professional Democrats say, it’s a useful skill). And as far as enemies go, these guys are a lot less sympathetic than the professional “victims of Democratic policies” that Republican strategists come up with for campaign ads. Anyone antagonistic to these loons is going to *have* to look good.

  44. 44
    beulahmo says:

    @Interrobang:

    Gosh, that sounds nice. Can I please come to Canada? I promise to wipe my feet on the mat, keep the music volume low, show up for work on time, and empty the trash pail when it’s full.

  45. 45
    xochi says:

    @Wile E. Quixote: I don’t have any specific precedent’s, but according to Wikipedia, they claim fees from the Civil Rights Attorney’s Fees Award Act of 1976. I guess that means that they recieve an amount of money when their protests are disrupted. And it’s easy to get your protest disrupted when you are holding up signs that say evil shit like “Thank God for breast cancer.” That makes me want to bash the signholder’s head against a brick wall, and I know I’m not alone. Fred Phelps has as admitted that he’s not interested in winning over converts, “You think our job is to win souls to Christ. All we do, by getting in their face and putting these signs in front of them and these plain words, is make what’s already in their heart come out of their mouth.”

  46. 46
    Death Panel Truck says:

    I’ve said it a million times if I’ve said it once: Religion makes people crazy.

  47. 47
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    @soonergrunt:

    As much as I hate to say it, it’s got to be because of the great time they had there on their last visit. If a complete town, including the law, is going to turn their backs on you after one of their citizens slashes your tires then it’s probably best that you not return.

    The next visit might not go so well.

    Didn’t Phelps Sr. get sucker punched somewhere back east, WV perhaps, and the guy/hero who did it got away with it? Has he been back in that area since?

    They are going after Elizabeth Edwards to boost their notoriety and hope that the news draws in some hotheaded person/persons who will do something in plain sight and get caught stupid and Phelps will be able to start suing.

    Let’s hope that they are smart and don’t get caught by Phelps.

  48. 48
    trollhattan says:

    @jrg:

    “Triangle area” sounds teh ghey. I foresee picketing.

    I can’t begin to understand the WBCrs. If they keep this crap up one of them is going to become the wingnut George Tiller, which for them will simultaneously fulfill a dream and a nightmare. If they were merely grifting, couldn’t they just become ScientoIogy Jr. or something? Sheesh.

  49. 49

    @Wile E. Quixote:
    Cripes, at 200yd most center fires with any kind of stable scope and firing position will wreak havoc. It is when you start getting out to 600 -1000yd that ballistics, actions, barrels start getting important. Damn SWAT teams get guns that won’t produce 1/2 inch improvement @ 200yds and never aim at something over 100yds. Immaterial waste for bragging rights.

    I know what I’d like to put together for such long shooting and it involves .243 calibre 140gr HPBT.

    Palma comp w/M1 .30-06 N Match .25 min. peeps is a real challenge.

  50. 50
    Odie Hugh Manatee says:

    @mikefromArlington:

    A dose of waterglass (sodium silicate) in their oil will toast the engine before they get five miles, a little bit longer if mixed with alcohol/water and dumped into the gas tank. Auto trans? Pour some STP engine treatment in, guaranteed results if the results you are looking for is total destruction.

    A quick (and safe) trick is to use two cheap bottle jacks under the driving wheels, just raise them up enough to clear the ground so they sit and spin when they try to leave.

    Thin steel brake line is good for quickly flattening tires. Cut some short pieces (about an inch and a half each) of it and shape one end of each piece like a hypodermic needle tip, sharpening it well. Put in a baggie with a small amount of light oil coating the insides and outsides of the tubes. Go find victim, pull one out of baggie (or more as necessary), prop it under a tire so that it jabs directly into the tread and then go have a beer. It will deflate the tires so quickly that they won’t have time to build up any speed.

    I never told you any of this.

  51. 51
    Anon says:

    One of the most effective responses to WBC to date has been this http://www.comicsalliance.com/.....st-church/ though it wouldn’t be suitable for funeral.

  52. 52
    LLBJ says:

    Crazy people make crazy religions. They make everything they get involved with crazy.

    And they get out of court settlements because it’s cheaper for defendents then going to court.

  53. 53

    @Mark S.: i beg your pardon. this post most certainly will clean your cats’ litter boxes!

  54. 54
  55. 55
    Yutsano says:

    @Angry Black Lady: That was seriously ten pound of win in a five pound sack. WBC got pwned by 4chan.

  56. 56

    @Yutsano: 4chan ain’t just trolls and porn anymore. at least not all the time!

  57. 57
    Yutsano says:

    @Angry Black Lady: As the semi-proud brother of a 4chan tard, I’m well aware of their standing in the Internet universe. It was still nice to see them get off their sardonic asses and do something good for a change.

  58. 58
    Mike Hunt says:

    What would be hilarious is, they make a last minute change in venue and WBC doesn’t get wind of it….and show up to an empty church.

  59. 59
    maus says:

    It costs around 500$ to pay for the ticket, motel room, and fast food for the WBC to protest. They make far more than enough to cover all expenses, and take in probably multiple times that when they sue someone who assaults the protestor.

    The only thing that would just KILL the WBC would be if the media ignored them, which they won’t. The WBC are better trolls than 4chan, only they are sick, sad individuals. Phelps was a truly fucked up individual, but his kids didn’t deserve to be abused as they were.

  60. 60
    burnspbesq says:

    @Interrobang:

    “I know this is probably going to rankle some folks, but thank goodness I’m Canadian and we have laws saying we don’t have to put up with this shit, and our government won’t let those wastes of oxygen into our country.”

    Your hate-speech laws, and the bureaucracy you created to enforce them, are an abomination. Jeez, y’all made a hero out of Mark Steyn, for cryin’ out loud.

  61. 61
  62. 62
    Phoenician in a time of Romans says:

    I am so looking forward to fred Phelps dying, and the mile after mile of protesters picketing his funeral with “God hates fag-bashers” signs.

  63. 63

    @Yutsano: oh absolutely. i was being serious. i loved what they did for that old veteran’s birthday.

  64. 64
    NobodySpecial says:

    @JMC_in_the_ATL: Funny troll. As it turns out, I was JUST thinking how much all the Edwards haters on the board are gonna be split about having to show respect to John in a backhand fashion by allowing him to grieve in peace. Will they side with the asshole over the bigger asshole?

  65. 65
    bjacques says:

    If there are enough counterprotesters, maybe they could engage in a bit of kettling. You really want to catch the WBC people and find a non-actionable way to hold them before they get anywhere near the church. You know–kettling.

    In Houston many years ago I was part of a group keeping anti-abortion protesters from shutting down women’s clinics. One thing our people did was stake out the notorious churches and follow them discreetly so we’d know which clinic(s) they planned to hit that day.

    We were deliberately non-confrontational, because if women scheduled for that day saw rival groups battling it out, they’d often go back home. It was Saturday, perhaps their only day off. Even if we shouted down the other side or had better signs, every canceled appointment was a win for their side.

    And, yes, I was pretty disgusted with John Edwards’ antics, especially since I’d voted for him in the primary. But this is different. He knows what he’s lost, and I feel sorry for him.

    All the better reason to keep the WBC well away from the area, if possible.

  66. 66
    cleek says:

    @bliprob:

    I didn’t know there were so many Raleigh folks reading Balloon Juice.

    Apex, here. but i’m not going to bother. i’d just end up taking a swing at one of them.

  67. 67
    master c says:

    God hates Phelps.

  68. 68
    soonergrunt says:

    @bjacques: Please to tell–what is kettling?

  69. 69
    JD Rhoades says:

    @jrg:

    I could come up from Carthage.

  70. 70
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @soonergrunt: According to Wikipedia, which we know is never wrong, this is kettling.

  71. 71
    celticdragonchick says:

    @robertdsc-PowerBook:

    How about a Predator drone strike on their next congregation meeting?

    Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

  72. 72
    celticdragonchick says:

    @bliprob:

    I’m in Greensboro. I would be there, but I have a mineralogy lab final to finish tomorrow.

  73. 73
    New Yorker says:

    Whatever. Nothing the WBC does shocks me anymore. I’m just glad there are groups of people who counter-protest these knuckleheads. I don’t endorse tire-slashing but I have to admit it made me chuckle.

  74. 74
    soonergrunt says:

    @celticdragonchick: I don’t think we can leave that decision to a corporal. After all, he’s just a grunt! No offense.

  75. 75
    soonergrunt says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: Thanks.

  76. 76
    Dog is My Co-Pilot says:

    Their actions defy logic. Truly. I cannot think of a bigger bunch of assholes than these people.

  77. 77
    SteveinSC says:

    @cleek: My wife’s from “Wide Awake Wilson” and my daughter’s moving from “Wimm-iton” to “Der-um”. Brother went to “Dook”. Rolly is a hotbed of queers and there’s some hard-ass tarheels who might not be into the finer points of non-violence

  78. 78
    fbeuks says:

    Smash Mouth
    GodSmack

    Maybe the whole Westboro thing is just a ploy to get late 90s/early 00s bands mentioned more often in the public square.

  79. 79
    Wordsmith says:

    @Linda Featheringill:

    I still think that the whole clan should hope that Judgment Day is a myth.

    There it is.

  80. 80
    Wordsmith says:

    @Odie Hugh Manatee: And i never read any of it.

  81. 81
    Paul in KY says:

    @soonergrunt: That’s from my favorite Billy Joel album ‘Glass Houses’.

    Best he ever did, IMO.

  82. 82
    Pontious Pilates says:

    If there is a heaven and hell then I’m sure most decent and normal, intelligent people will end up in hell. Heaven will be populated by pious, insane, man-child morons like Fred Phelps.

    Hell gets a bad rap as this song says quite well.

    http://www.edkurz.com/Tale_of_SatchMcGee.mp3

  83. 83
    mike says:

    Please do not feed the trolls.

  84. 84
    Paul in KY says:

    @mikefromArlington: Great idea!

  85. 85
    kindness says:

    At some point somebody (or group of somebodies) is going to go after these abominable people with shotguns during one of their ‘protests’.

    While I would never support such action I don’t think I’d feel all that bad to see them all dead on the sidewalk during the evening news. Guess that makes me a bad liberal. I’m not so much worried about my liberalness. I know thinking those thoughts isn’t healthy for my karma though.

  86. 86
    Original Lee says:

    @Chris: I know of 2 instances where the community mobilized to protect a funeral from Westboro, both peaceful and successful. One was near Boulder – apparently the deceased had belonged to a motorcycle club, and the club took it upon themselves to barricade the church with their motorcycles. The other was fairly recently, in Southern Maryland – the human wall was 10 deep on both sides of the route to the church for at least a mile, waving American flags. Westboro never even got close to either service. Some media attention was paid, but it was all played very low key, as opposed to what happens when Westboro actually shows up.

  87. 87
    C. Sykes says:

    I once told my S. Baptist stepmother that I’d rather go to hell then heaven.

    “Why?!”

    “Well, according to the religionists in this country, Heaven will be full of people like Falwell, Swaggart, and George W. Bush.
    Hell, meanwhile, will be full of people who were never “born again,” like Gandhi and Mother Theresa. No question as to whom I’d rather spend eternity with.”

  88. 88
    Alturn says:

    Another example of why the World Teacher Maitreya, who entered the everyday world in July 1997, is believed to be the anti-Christ by many fundamentalist Christians. Such is it in their upside-down world where the embodiment of Love and Compassion could be thought of as being against what these fundamentalists believe. Which, in many of their cases, is true.

  89. 89
    Dalancroft says:

    But what about the early death of H.W. Bush rabble-rouser Lee Atwater? What about the Giants baseball team of the Sodom-and-Gomorrah city of San Francisco spanking the Texas Rangers of the holiest of thou’s George W. Bush, with him in attendance right in the front row? The same hurricane that devastated the decadent city of N’Awlins also destroying hundreds of churches and the homes of God-fearin’ Muricans? Yikes.

  90. 90
    Ella in New Mexico says:

    @jrg:

    Yeah, because it’s important that I spend my Saturday taking a stand against a group that everyone already hates… And by doing so, feed the media frenzy that they thrive on. Alternatively, I could spend time with my wife, or go for a bike ride, or take my dog for a walk. Give me a fucking break. It’s counter productive. If they just wanted to hate, they wouldn’t have to leave Kansas. There’s a reason they’re showing up at high profile places. I have other things to do, and I want no part of it.

    Sounds more discouraged than callous to me.

    “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

    He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.”

    Martin Luther King, Jr.

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