If you ever wondered how much of a douchebag Tucker Carlson is, wonder no more:
What can you buy with food stamps? Pretty much anything sold in a grocery store, other than tobacco, booze and hot food. To find out what that really means, I took my November stipend to Whole Foods, a pricey organic food emporium that is as much a yuppie metaphor as it is a supermarket.
My first stop was the seafood counter, where I found the thickest swordfish steak I could, which at $18.99 per pound also turned out to be the most expensive item in the department. Then I headed to the coffee section, where I dropped $11.99 for a pound of fresh roasted beans.
From there, the milk aisle, where $8 bought a half gallon of pure organic goat’s milk. Nearby was the cheese section, where I found a tiny wedge of fancy-looking cheese from some European city I’ve never heard of and threw it my cart.
Last I hit the produce section, where I discovered a small but tasty-looking container of Chanterelle mushrooms. Price? $13.99, plus tax.
At the checkout line, I whipped out my shiny new Electronic Benefits Transfer card and watched the cashier ring up my order. The total (minus the cheese, which I discarded at the last moment) came to $51.10. Not bad for a gourmet meal, especially since I wasn’t paying for it.
In this shocking report, we learn that if you lie about your economic situation, defraud the government, and receive food stamps, you can spend it all in one night on really expensive food. And the reason you can do that is BECAUSE YOU ARE LYING ABOUT YOUR ECONOMIC SITUATION AND WON’T NEED THE FOOD STAMPS TO EAT FOR THE NEXT FUCKING MONTH. People who actually need food stamps, however, won’t be doing this, because they need to make that small amount of money last for the entire month.
Thanks for the insight, Tucker. Fucking wingers. God I hate Republicans.