I grew up with a kid who didn’t distinguish himself in much. He was an OK student, a mediocre athlete and was kind of funny looking. Since he didn’t have a lot of a positive nature to offer the world, he started to do things like wear funny looking clothes and taunt known bullies. He seemed to enjoy being teased about his appearance or getting punched for making a smart remark to a easily angered jock. I guess he decided that negative attention was better than no attention at all, and that being annoying was easier than putting in the hard work needed to excel at something.

The difference between that kid and Tucker Carlson is that the former grew up and made something of himself, and the latter founded the Daily Caller, bought keitholbermann.com, and decided it was really funny to send out fake emails as Olbermann.

34 replies
  1. 1
    Warren Terra says:

    Without bothering to comment on Tucker, as he is so obviously beneath contempt (though I will note in passing that the quotes in the linked article seem much more slanderous than they do like any sort of inspired humor) – it really sounds like Olbermann could use the services of a competent business manager, the sort of person who’d know the dumber clauses of his contract and who would buy up “keitholbermann.com” before July of 2010, against future need and to remove temptation from slime like Tucker.

  2. 2
    c u n d gulag says:

    I bet that at this point, both of Tuckers parents wish that his Mom had swallowed instead…

  3. 3
    dan says:

    Fot the joke (twist) to work, it should be worded like this:
    “The difference between Tucker Carlson and that kid and is that one grew up and made something of himself, and the other founded the Daily Caller … .”

    Ba da bing.

  4. 4

    I think it was a cute and clever trick for a 13-year-old boy.


  5. 5
    David says:

    What’s next for Carlson? Scratching backwards “B’s” on his face and claiming he was attacked by an Obama supporter?

  6. 6
    soonergrunt says:

    @Warren Terra:
    Instead of buying the domain, he needs to seize it from the cybersquatter in court. Hopefully as part of a settlement involving lots of money

  7. 7
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    I’m trying to capture this episode in a poem. If only I could come up with a rhyme for Tucker . . . .

  8. 8
    mai naem says:

    @David: It would be an H for the Hussein not the B because Obama’s a muslim and a muslim would be the one to do it because it would be a jihad because Olbermann is a muslim lover. Also too, tax cut!

  9. 9
    biff diggerence says:

    I really would have liked to see Tucker accept Al Franken’s challenge to a fist fight.

  10. 10
    brantl says:

    Tucker. What a knob.

  11. 11
    Chyron HR says:


    What’s next for Carlson? Scratching backwards “B’s” on his face and claiming he was attacked by an Obama supporter?

    Now that’s just silly.

    It would be a “B” for olBermann.

  12. 12
    magurakurin says:

    all anyone needs to know about Tucker Carlson


    an oldie but goodie, Jon Stewart putting the stake in Crossfire’s black undead heart.

    Tucker Carlson is not even a has-been.

  13. 13
    daryljfontaine says:


    Tucker Carlson is not even a has-been.

    A never-was, coasting eternally on his schtick of being contrary about Every. Fucking. Thing.

    There aren’t many people I would personally enjoy watching being punched repeatedly in the face (… okay, that’s not true, there are an awful lot of Republican liars, cheats and assholes out there), but Tucker Carlson is somewhere in the top 5.


  14. 14
    aimai says:

    Wow. Can that’s beyond skanky, isn’t that illegal? If I were Olbermann I’d sue him if I could.


  15. 15
    debit says:

    Obviously Tucker doesn’t plan on ever leaving Fox, because I don’t know how any reputable news organization would ever hire him after this.

    Wait, what am I saying? Reputable news organizations? Hah hah hah. :wipes tears of laughter:

  16. 16
    El Cid says:

    You libruls are simply afraid of citizen journalism.

  17. 17
    Ash Can says:

    Hasn’t the Daily Caller folded yet?

  18. 18

    I think what a lot of Balloon Juice readers don’t appreciate is the idiocy of Tucker’s victim, Stu Bykofsky. But as a Philadlphia resident, I have a different prspective. Bykofsky is, in general, a self-important asshole, a democrat who hates democrats, and who in general has spiraled into “you-kids-get-off-my-lawnism”. You all know that old onion article, “I Know What Is Best For Everyone”? That’s Bykofsky. And he rises to just about any bait- just get him started on bicycles, those cantankerous contraptions just burn his bacon.

    And of course, he ALWAYS accuses others of his own glaring flaws. For awhile the Daily News tried to play up his character and called his column “BYKO!”, so one of the alt-weeklies responded with a column called “PSYKO”, making fun of his rants,

    So when I read that exchange, watching Stu get angrier and angrier, I could not help laughing out loud. If you knew Byko like I know Byko, you’d be roflyao too.

  19. 19
    debit says:

    @El Cid: Like the kind that brought down Acorn. Tucker’s next act of citizen journalism is going to be dressing as a prostitute and visiting Keith’s office to tap his phone lines while having a dildo up his ass.

  20. 20
    The Bearded Blogger says:

    The thing that strikes me is that irrelevant and talentless Tucker is seeking to associate with someone who is truly someone. In a way, he is recognizing Keith Olberman’s worth.

  21. 21
    Funkhauser says:

    Did your friend also have sufficient family money, pedigree, and connections to continue failing upward while acccomplishing nothing of value?

  22. 22
    noncarborundum says:

    Won’t we all be surprised when it’s revealed that Tucker is really just a pizza delivery guy named Norm.

    On second thought, maybe we won’t.

  23. 23
    Dave S. says:

    Considering Carlson’s interest in spreading Journolist emails around, this sentence caught my eye: “Carlson said he didn’t expect the email exchange to be published.”

    Self-awareness – how the f*ck does it work…

  24. 24
    NonyNony says:

    @Dave S.:

    My thought exactly. Either Carlson is a liar and he did expect the e-mails to be published (but is afraid of possibly opening himself up to some kind of lawsuit) or he’s the second least-self-aware person on Balloon Juice’s front page today.

    He’d take the top spot, but Bush has a new book out.

  25. 25
    blondie says:

    How is this anywhere within the bounds of normalcy?

  26. 26
    Allan says:

    If Tucker Carlson had a career, this is the kind of thing that could destroy it.

  27. 27
    A.J. says:

    “Could you resist?” Carlson said. “It was just too funny. The flesh is weak.”

    Well, yes. Using another’s identity and concealing that to others in order to bring ridicule to another? Yes. Several times, “Yes!”

    I have never understood conservatives enjoyment of humor that causes pain to others, or its racial undertones.

  28. 28
    Rick Massimo says:

    It’s gonna be awesome when these emails are cited back to me as genuine, the “fact” that Keith Olbermann sent them becomes a permanent part of the conservative catechism and the librul media says that although their authenticity is in question, the fact that anyone would be tempted to do such a thing shows that Keith Olbermann is too polarizing a figure.

  29. 29
    Hob says:

    Carlson is probably stupid enough to have used a U.S. buyer for the domain, in which case he could actually be in a bit of trouble. Lawyers, please correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that whereas the basic ICANN rules give Olbermann an excellent excuse to demand the domain name back, U.S. law is a little tougher and allows civil liability… if you can prove Carlson acted in bad faith (to profit by it, or to fuck Olbermann up). And I can’t imagine any better evidence of bad faith than actually trying to impersonate the guy in a professional context, and fucking bragging about it.

    (As far as the legality of the impersonation itself… again IANAFL, but there’s a somewhat similar case that was infamous in cartoonist circles for years, and the only ones who really got anything out of it were the lawyers.)

  30. 30
    MattR says:

    @soonergrunt: IANAL, but from what I understand this is not cybersquatting. I believe the courts have rulesdthat you have to have intent to sell it back to the “rightful” owner for it to qualify. If you choose to use it for your own purposes, including mockery, that is acceptable. (I think)

    (EDIT: The intent to profit off of Olbermann’s name should also be enough to make this cybersquatting, but I don’t know that this qualifies under that category)

  31. 31
    debit says:

    @Hob: whois says it was registered by BLUE RAZOR DOMAINS, INC. Looks like they’re based in AZ.

    @MattR: My son registered a domain for a local coffee shop (Muddsuckers) and got a nasty letter from an attorney representing some fashion line that had “mudd” in the name demanding he turn the domain over. He laughed, ripped up the letter and threw it away. Last he ever heard of it. I suppose it wouldn’t be that simple if MSNBC got its legal team involved.

  32. 32

    Stu Bykofsky:

    That’s Stu. Who cares if he got punked?

  33. 33
    Jody says:

    …isn’t what Tucker did kind of, you know, illegal?

  34. 34
    Hob says:

    @Jody: People certainly do sue for libel over this kind of thing – see my second link in #29. Carlson was clearly trying to defame Olbermann in a way that could have harmed his professional reputation… except that the hoax was quickly exposed, and from what I’ve seen it’s pretty hard to win such a case if you can’t prove that actual harm was done.

    @brendancalling: The problem wasn’t that Bykofsky ended up looking like an idiot – he sure deserves that. But in the meantime there was a website publishing false claims that Olbermann was going around insulting his own boss, among other things. Not hard to see how that could’ve been a problem for Olbermann.

Comments are closed.