Couple site related things:
1.) New feed widget off to the right for the Balloon Juice Store.
2.) I’m basically going to be traveling for the next two- three weeks starting on Tuesday, so I’ve invited two folks to do a little blogging in my place. Tom Levenson and the Angry Black Lady will be making appearances. Normally I would say be nice to the new people, but Angry Black Lady will cut you if you aren’t nice to her, so that problem takes care of itself.
3.) Site re-design hopefully in the next couple of weeks.
I’m off to watch some old episodes of Psych and have a couple fingers of Scotch.
General Stuck
two weeks. Money Pit
edit – and the election is in a week, so that means the pro left will be planning an all out assault on the Obots with their grubby little pinkies pointing , we told you so.
I’m staying out of it, and if the blog is smoldering ruins when you get back, I will be innocent. or at least not guilty.
John Bird
The Internet isn’t for being nice to people.
Frank
Have Fun John,
Cool, need some new flava here. + more pet pics.
abo gato
Waves~~~~hope you are travelling for fun!
Who’s taking care of the critters?
Jade Jordan
The fingers in John’s case are the size of the big sponge fingers at sporting events. We are number 1!
TooManyJens
@John Bird: The internet is for porn!
Wrye
have fun, John! (At the rally?) This should be an entertaining two weeks.
Martin
Bring extra angry, please!
arguingwithsignposts
Is Tom L. bringing his art collection? I like that about his blog posts. Looking forward to the ABL too.
And again, requests for site design: iPhone plug-in for formatting and a subscribe to comments feature.
ETA: voted today. straight ticket Dem except local races where there were no Dem candidates. I never really liked straight-ticket voting, but I’ll be damned if I’m giving a GOPer my vote until they get their shit straightened out, if ever.
General Stuck
@Martin:
I think she could be an Obot. Woot!!
Loneoak
While you are redesigning the site, can you please eliminate all ads that are offensive to me?
Bnut
Ever want some cheese, so you get the block out of the fridge, but you can’t find a good knife, so you say, fuck it, and just take a bite? All of sudden you realize what you have done, and someone will see the obvious teeth marks and oval shape missing. Panic ensues, you spend 10 minutes finding a a knife and washing it, and have to eat the scraps you cut off to hide your vandalism. Now having a simple bite of cheese was an ordeal. FML, I’m walking the dog.
Martin
@Bnut:
No. I was not raised by wolves.
morzer
@Martin:
Do wolves open refrigerators?
John Bird
@Martin:
Oh come on, that really depends on the cheese.
But the proper thing to do with that kind of cheese is to break it w/ your fingers and then you eat every last bite of it that you broke off before Gunter gets in from the fields and looks slightly above the place where the cheese once was, commenting on the poor weather and filling you with suicidal guilt.
stuckinred
OK, so Ms Valle wore the wig as part of a costume schtick. She was trying to look like a corporate person. Que the O’Keefe comparison.
Martin
@morzer: I didn’t say he was a wolf.
General Stuck
I was. Thanksgiving dinners were the worst
and the best
soonergrunt
@TooManyJens:
Being mean to people and viewing porn…
I have four cores, eight gigs of memory, a 30″ screen, and a dual GPU graphics card.
I can do both at the same time.
morzer
@Martin:
You did kind of sort of imply that he was raised by them though. And logically if people raised by wolves open refrigerators, that might suggest that wolves do so, and were, in fact, his teachers…..
TooManyJens
@soonergrunt:
Multi-wanking?
John Bird
I’m a half-wolf.
morzer
@General Stuck:
Should we just call you Mowgli, and forget your military career?
Libby's Person
For fellow dog people who need a warm, fuzzy moment in the midst of the crazy, take a look at a wonderful short video at http://www.sohfga.com/. A county jail in Lawrenceville, GA (not exactly where you would expect a program like this!) has started a “jail dog” program. Selected inmates, working with volunteer trainers, are working with dogs pulled from the county shelter’s “death row.” The dogs get socialization and basic training, and get adopted out to good homes. The inmates learn potentially marketable skills, and get all those amazing intangible benefits that dogs give by loving their people. A real ‘win-win’!
It’s reassuring to see something good like this.
Libby's Person
For fellow dog people who need a warm, fuzzy moment in the midst of the crazy, take a look at a wonderful short video at http://www.sohfga.com/. A county jail in Lawrenceville, GA (not exactly where you would expect a program like this!) has started a “jail dog” program. Selected inmates, working with volunteer trainers, are working with dogs pulled from the county shelter’s “death row.” The dogs get socialization and basic training, and get adopted out to good homes. The inmates learn potentially marketable skills, and get all those amazing intangible benefits that dogs give by loving their people. A real ‘win-win’!
It’s reassuring to see something good like this.
morzer
@TooManyJens:
Many hands make light work?
morzer
@John Bird:
Half-man, half-wolf – almost your own best friend!
Litlebritdifrnt
ABL is da bomb. She says it like it is. And she needs a much bigger audience than she has right now. Go to it.
Jewish Steel
The Heat, I’m finding, can actually make me root for perpetually butt-hurt, pretend NBA tough-guys, the Celtics. I’m happy the NBA has an evil empire again.
Ash Can
Tom Levenson and Angry Black Lady? Sweet! And you ain’t whistling dixie about ABL. If you find us all standing in the corner facing the wall when you get back, you’ll know what’s going on.
lacp
The question has already been raised, and demands an answer: who is taking care of the non-humans in your household?
General Stuck
@morzer:
Wolves don’t have thumbs and few can afford refrigerators, so a learned skill like that is not operative. But a boy raised by wolves that one day stumbles across a teevee set, can learn all sorts of cool stuff.
Now I’ve hurt my brain, and am galt.
jacy
Wait, wait, which one of them is the “sane conservative”?
Last time, all we got was somebody who pretended to be a conservative for a few weeks and then admitted to being a shameful librul after all.
D-Chance.
I’m basically going to be traveling for the next two- three weeks starting on Tuesday,
When in trouble, travel…
General Stuck
@morzer:
Ray, you can call me Ray.
morzer
@lacp:
I thought Galactic Emperor Tunch ran the soulless Coleocracy with an iron paw?
stuckinred
JUNEAU, Alaska — Alaska Republican Senate hopeful Joe Miller admitted to improperly using three government computers over a lunch break to participate in a political poll, then cleaning the caches to try to cover up the activities.
Miller’s admission is included in records released Tuesday under court order following an open records request by The Associated Press and other media organizations.
Martin
@morzer: Perhaps he opened the refrigerator for the wolves, and they then taught him cheese-eating etiquette?
Perhaps they ran as a pack across the French countryside, snatching cheese from picnickers and outdoor diners, and looting open-air coolers in the local markets?
morzer
@General Stuck:
If you knew the wolves I knew, Ray….
amorphous
That’ll make 14 Balloon Juice front pagers, by my count.
eemom
can’t wait till Phoenix Woman shows up on an ABL thread to lecture us about how awesome Mistress Jane is. Tee hee.
Omnes Omnibus
Great choices as guest bloggers. I look forward to seeing what they do with the keys to the place.
Ummm… Oh, yeah, we will miss your insights too.
TooManyJens
@morzer:
“The wolf was just trying to help, sir.”
“They usually are.”
morzer
@Martin:
Bnut ran across the French countryside assaulting surrender monkeys and rendering them non-cheese-eating?
You know, we might just have a viable Teabagger Senate candidate on our hands.
arguingwithsignposts
@Omnes Omnibus:
Cole says he is going to be away for a few days. You know what’s going to happen … 253 posts by Cole in rapid succession.
morzer
@arguingwithsignposts:
252 posts by Tunch using the Cole account, followed by a post by Tunch’s Mini-Me, denying all responsibility.
Angry Black Lady
@Martin: The extra angry has already been broughted!
@General Stuck: I prefer Obombie to Obot; I like to feed on the brains of asshats and idiots!!
BRAYNESSSSSS!!!!!!11
(I will try to do Mr. Cole proud. I appreciate the opportunity to rile up the natives and it’s an honor, indeed!)
Angry Black Lady
@Ash Can: I’m not going to Blair Witch
anymany of you.Omnes Omnibus
@Martin: I am sticking with my gibbon theme and suggesting that the gibbons opened the ‘fridge for the wolves in return for not being eaten.
morzer
@TooManyJens:
Sometimes I feel like the man who knew too little…
General Stuck
@Angry Black Lady:
I swoon
WyldPirate
@General Stuck:
Hrrmph. Why would a wolf want to open a fridge when they can lick their own privates?
morzer
@Omnes Omnibus:
Well, since ABL is preparing to slay and devour, I intend to find an empty refrigerator and a helpful, discreet gibbon, and wait until the screaming stops and it is safe to venture forth.
morzer
@WyldPirate:
The cheese in the fridge tastes better than the cheese on their….
No, never mind.
WyldPirate
@morzer:
Not hating on your choice of entertainment, morzer, but how do you know this?
morzer
@WyldPirate:
Because they open refrigerators to get at the cheese inside, obviously.
Gravenstone
**blinks** Oh lord, I made the mistake of glancing at the comments on a Yahoo News story on the Great Midwest Windstorm. Ya know, something simple, something innocuous? The 2000+ post counter should have been my first clue, but the intensely stupid – it burns! I mean seriously, how the fuck to people get to political attacks on a story about the weather?
Stuck at work (13 hours and counting), missed Olbermann – hoping to be home for the rebroadcast as I wanted to see Ms. Valle’s interview. Anyone who watched care to summarize?
Ash Can
@Angry Black Lady: Nah, you’ll just send us home with notes for our parents.
morzer
@Gravenstone:
Weather – Weathermen-Bill Ayers-Obama-Health Care reform-Soc.ial.ism-tyranny-Hitler/Stalin/Roger Goodell.
It all connects perfectly logically.
morzer
@Gravenstone:
Weather – Weathermen-Bill Ayers-Obama-Health Care reform-Soc.ial.ism-tyranny-Hitler/Stalin/Roger Goodell.
It all connects perfectly logically.
WyldPirate
@morzer:
Well, hell. That makes perfect sense, then.
I think the gibbons and the wolves should not be introduced, though. We don’t need cheese-eating wolves that can lick their privates, open the fridge and fling shit. ;)
Angry Black Lady
@Litlebritdifrnt: gee whiz! thank you.
(note: i will never say “gee whiz” again. maybe “fucking whiz,” but never “gee whiz.”)
TooManyJens
@morzer: I’m quoting from Due South. I’m not really sure what the other guys are talking about.
Bnut
To anyone who has never besmirched a virgin wedge of gouda’s good name with their teeth is either lying, or doesn’t know how to live.
Bnut
Where did the edit button go?
morzer
@TooManyJens:
I know. Thus my response including an episode title – Season 1.15 “The Man Who Knew Too Little”
morzer
@Bnut:
Got stomped while trying to deliver a card to Rand Paul.
Angry Black Lady
@Gravenstone: Asshats: She started it and the dude stepped on her shoulder not her head; and, just like Rodney King, you have to look at the video from a different angle and then you’ll see it’s not really that bad; and anyway, she shouldn’t just leave her head unprotected on the curb for stomping like that because what is she an idiot?
Valle: they stomped on my fucking head and it hurt.
jacy
@Angry Black Lady:
Looking forward to your posts! And the more cursing, the better, it makes me feel at home.
Benjamin Cisco (mobile)
@arguingwithsignposts: k@arguingwithsignposts: same thing here! I can’t wait for Election Day; based on my observations, I believe there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Tom Levenson
Me, it’s clear what my job is: stand back and hold ABL’s coat.
And yup, I’ll bring the art collection along; I like the extra weird a little Hieronymous Bosch (et al.) lends to the day.
morzer
@jacy:
The Stranger:
Do you have to use so many cuss words?
The Dude:
What the fuck you talking about?
arguingwithsignposts
@Tom Levenson:
Well alrighty then!
TooManyJens
@morzer: Damn, missed it.
Maude
@Ash Can:
I think we will be having a lot of time outs.
I hope ABL becomes a permanent fixture here. We can count on her Not starting a sentence with: I like Obama, but…
Omnes Omnibus
Inherit the Wind is on TCM right now.
Ash Can
@Tom Levenson: And if you happen to be looking for a Bosch painting to post here and can’t find it, just use a snapshot of the crowd at a Glenn Beck rally. No one will be able to tell the difference.
jacy
@Tom Levenson:
My mom was an art major, and I used to page through her books when I was a tot. I think Hieronymous Bosch scarred me for life. At least that seems like a good excuse.
Looking forward to your contributions!
morzer
@Ash Can:
Actually, the Beck fanboys are crude, two-dimensional caricatures, as opposed to the vibrant work of Bosch.
Angry Black Lady
@Tom Levenson: nay! don’t hold my coat! i might ask you to hold my whisky if i need both hands to operate my flamethrower. and no you can’t have a sip!
(ok, just one sip.)
Ash Can
@morzer: I did sort of diss Bosch with that crack, didn’t I? Sorry, didn’t mean to.
thomas Levenson
@Ash Can: Heh indeedy.@jacy: Thanks.
Oh — and one more thing. Given that I’m trying to make sure I don’t fumble too badly trying to fill John’s flip flops for a little while, I’ll do my best to emulate our host in all important ways.
Translation: a couple of fingers of something liquid, distilled and brown for me too, just now.
Ash Can
@Angry Black Lady: Open flames around whisky? Holy moly, that could
be funburn the whole damned joint down.morzer
@thomas Levenson:
If you do fumble, just make sure you have a couple of Pittsburgh umpires nearby. It seems to work for the Steelers.
Also too – best not to mention John Cole’s “flip flops” too often round here. Five thousand apologies later and all that…
Omnes Omnibus
@thomas Levenson: Including the naked mopping or are there limits?
thomas Levenson
@Angry Black Lady: Careful there. I’ve been known to take big sips when the whiskey is good enough…which should lead to a shout out.
That is: I’m trying to decide if the next one should be Baker’s, the bourbon of choice around here these days, or some scotch, which these days is the last bits of the duty free bottle of Dalmore 15 I picked up a little while ago.
The curse of options.
(And yes, ABL, I’ll share.)
thomas Levenson
@Omnes Omnibus: There are limits — but I’m not sure if naked mopping transcends them.
@morzer: Steelers love — yup, there I do not follow John.
Patriots fan here — and having grown up in Berkeley CA, I’ll confess to taking an enormous amount of pleasure at the Raiders’ hanging 59 on Denver.
(ducks).
Omnes Omnibus
@thomas Levenson: Best that some things remain a mystery.
Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther
YAYYYY Angry Black Lady!!
Oh, oops, I mean: Travel well! We’ll miss you John Cole!
Tom Levenson
@morzer: re flip flops — I meant zoris, man — truly the pun did not occur to me. Should have said shower slippers or something, though on reflection, I’m not sure that this is better.
Memo to self — don’t dive to deep into the thread once the whiskey bottle passes this way x number of times.
Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther
@Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther: (PS I’m sure that Tom Levenson will also be nothing short of delightful. Ahem. Sorry. No disrespect, etc, etc!)
morzer
@thomas Levenson:
I assume we shouldn’t mention Spygate then.. oops, my interior monologue betrays me once again!
jacy
@Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther:
I still want to know which one (ABL or Tom) will be the token “sane conservative” dammit!
My whole worldview is going to become (more) unbalanced.
Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther
@jacy: I think I can safely say that that role will not be played by Angry Black Lady. Indeed, I don’t think she would be capable of playing it, for a lark, on Halloween.
morzer
@jacy:
I thought Tunch was the token sane conservative. He sits there looking wise and never says anything, so he fits nicely into the late period David Brooks slot. If John would only buy him a purple flea collar, the resemblance would be frightening.
General Stuck
@thomas Levenson:
Your cool, long as not a Browns fan like moi”. Then all bets are off, or on, or whatever.
RedKitten
Yeah, but that’s like filling up on those shrimp chips you get at Chinese restaurants. Sure, it’s fun to eat them, hear them crunch and feel them melt on your tongue, but deep down, you know that they’re nutritionally void due to being mostly air.
morzer
@General Stuck:
Your boy Peyton Hillis has been keeping me afloat in fantasy football. Admittedly, I am more clinging to the wreckage than making forward progress, but I am grateful.
General Stuck
@morzer:
The dude is like a bulldozer with a fast engine, and great hands to boot. I was largely impressed with the young QB MCcoy, and his poise for a 24 year old. He has some faint similarities to a Tom Brady, if I may be so bold.
thomas Levenson
@General Stuck: Before last Sunday I would have said “my sympathies.”
Now I can say Who Dat? Dat’s da Browns!
@jacy: The problem is one has to meet two separate criteria. Can’t speak for ABL, but if ever I could lay claim to sanity, the slow climb of the last few years over the foothills of wingnut towards the ever-receding peak — that’s tending me towards barking mad.
As for conservative? If you’re talking cocktails, sure — the wildest I go is a French 75. And I guess if you drink something named after an artillery piece that might get you some props from the armed and dangerous wing of US politics. But that’s about it.
And with that, night all (+3)
morzer
@General Stuck:
I think Brady’s beginning to fade as a QB. Just my impression – but he doesn’t seem to have the control, or to put up the numbers he once did. He was lucky the Chargers destroyed themselves in the last game, because his offense really wasn’t that hot.
Alice Blue
Stay safe John. I’m assuming you’re going to be traveling on election day and I’m also assuming you have voted.
General Stuck
@morzer:
Qb’s take a beating, and some age pretty fast from it. But Brady was magic for several seasons when younger, though I wasn’t a Pats fan, I became one watching him and the Pats play, but not with the deep roots to childhood, like with cleveland.
Angry Black Lady
@Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther: Emily is correct. I can’t even play the part of anything or anyone resembling “sane.”
scotch for everyone!!
me first, though.
gogol's wife
@Omnes Omnibus:
I can’t believe Robert Osborne introduced it without mentioning the Tea Party. It was so full of Tea Party, I couldn’t believe it.
Angry Black Lady
I will, however, post pictures of my dog, Nate Dogg, aka Nathaniel Q. Doggerson, III, Esq. Ph.D.
He’s been known to
waxbark conservative just to fuck with people’s heads.Angry Black Lady
@Ash Can: ::nods head drunkenly::
geg6
Bon voyage, Cole. And how do you do it, making me swoon even as you desert us. But ABL and Mr. Levenson guest blogging? Sweet!
Ahem, before you go, we need reassurance that the animals are being well cared for, you know.
Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther
@Angry Black Lady: Of course, I was suggesting you might have difficulty with “conservative” — but, of course, sane is a very malleable concept….
srv
Ah, I remember you making reservations… I have alerted the BJ rangers of John’s appending arrival in the San Francisco area.
Alas, we don’t know what he looks like. I’ll be gone next week also, too, so you can still hang out with the nicer folks.
morzer
@srv:
Large white male, slightly clawed, with a Steelers shirt, perhaps?
Mnemosyne
Yaay! Now I can get my Angry Black Lady at work where I only dare to read one or two websites!
asiangrrlMN
@Tom Levenson: I LOVE Bosch. I can’t wait to see you bring it!
@Angry Black Lady: This is going to be fucking awesome. You better bring it hard (like I have to worry).
@srv: I know what he looks like! Hee hee.
Emily L. Hauser/ellaesther
@asiangrrlMN: Thank you so much for all your comments today! I always love what you have to say, and on a day like today, when I have barely had time to breath, much less tend to my blog, it was particularly appreciated.
You’re a lovely woman, you know. I know that (to quote John Bird from three hours ago) “The Internet isn’t for being nice to people” — but you really are lovely.
Angry Black Lady
@asiangrrlMN: I’m gonna bring it, take it back, get it drunk and pregnant, and then bring it again! or, at least, i will try my damnedest!