I’ll Be Your Savior, Steadfast and True

In my imaginary world, along with fountains that spray mojitos, talking dolphins, self-cleaning litter boxes that not only clean the box, but carry the remains to the trash, and a Pirates team with over a .500 record once every decade, we would have a functioning press corps with ombudsmen who were less concerned with the delicate feelings and emotional state of wingnuts and lunatics and more concerned with the factual errors that appear on their op-ed pages.

But who am I kidding? That part about the Pirates and the press will probably never happen.






49 replies
  1. 1
    Keith says:

    self-cleaning litter boxes that not only clean the box, but carry the remains to the trash

    This could be its own thread. I’ve tried almost every one of them, but at one time, I had 5 cats using them, and the ones at PetSmart et al got easily overloaded. Litter Robot has been the most effective one I’ve used, but I’m thinking of trying out that one that connects to your plumbing and uses special, rinsable granules.

  2. 2
    Allan says:

    If you correspond with Mr. Alexander (I have) he will helpfully explain to you that it is not his job to respond to comments regarding editorial content and direct you to Mr. Hiatt, who will ignore you.

  3. 3
    beltane says:

    If you threatened 2nd Amendment remedies to fix the problem I’m sure they’d be more responsive. That’s what the wingnuts do and it seems to work for them.

  4. 4
    evinfuilt says:

    So here I am using the Cat Genie. In theory, the greatest litter box ever devised… Till it springs a leak…

    I just got a new base and hose for it (they just sent the parts, and we don’t even need to send the broken parts back), hopefully no more pureed cat poo on the floor. I’ve confirmed the hose no longer leaks (I can’t believe I’ve had to setup a puppy pad under a litter box due to plumbing, technology is weird.)

    Even if it doesn’t work 100% well, its a sign that in the near future our kitties poo will no longer require us to scoop up and remove.

  5. 5
    General Stuck says:

    I will settle for a world where half the population of my country isn’t batshit insane. I would bring the wingnuts cookies and milk on a platter, and emo the greatness of cable news, if this wish was granted.

    Beyond the tea party: What Americans really think of government

    Americans have a more negative view of government today than they did a decade ago, or even a few years ago. Most say it focuses on the wrong things and lack confidence that it can solve big domestic problems; this general anti-Washington sentiment is helping to fuel a potential Republican takeover of Congress next month.

    A new study by The Washington Post, the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation and Harvard University shows that most Americans who say they want more limited government also call Social Security and Medicare “very important.” They want Washington to be involved in schools and to help reduce poverty. Nearly half want the government to maintain a role in regulating health care.

    I fear it will rain plastic unicorns before my wish will be granted.

  6. 6
    suzanne says:

    I’ve tried two of the automatic litter boxes, with some degree of success, but I really need one that works with the silicone crystals rather than the clumping stuff. The clay litters bother my allergies, and the other clumping litters get scattered all over the damn floor and make one hell of a mess.

    I also want a dryer that hangs the clothes up after they’re dry. God, laundry is the scourge of my life.

  7. 7
    morzer says:

    Self-cleaning litter-boxes are all very well, but how do you get the Republicans to use them without being accused of socialism?

  8. 8
    morzer says:

    Self-cleaning litter-boxes are all very well, but how do you get the Republicans to use them without being accused of soc.ial.ism?

  9. 9
    beltane says:

    @General Stuck: Maybe the new American dream is a trailer, a trash-strewn yard, a big TV and a beer stained couch.

  10. 10
    Mumphrey says:

    The Post is sad. That column was sad. The comments were mostly scary. I especially liked the retired woman who fears “creeping sharia” in this country. I assumed she lives in the U.S., but there isn’t any sharia here, creeping or otherwise, so I don’t know where she lives.

    In all seriousness, I just don’t understand the fetish wingnuts have with sharia. I mean, when people in the U.S. are outraged that Campbell’s Soup sells some halal soup in Canada, well, they need to reset their outrage meters. Being unhappy that American Muslims follow halal or even sharia law here in the U.S. in their own personal lives is like resenting Jews for eating kosher food or following their own laws about how to live their lives. It’s like being pissed off at Christians who try to live by Jesus’s teachings: Some guy took your cloak and you gave him your tunic, too? You turned the other cheek? How dare you! Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re violating my rights!

  11. 11

    As Woody Allan famously said, “No matter how cynical you get, you can’t keep up.”

  12. 12
    MattF says:

    Speaking of “bat-shit insane”, Glen Beck has responded to the Donald Duck mash-up. No, really.

  13. 13

    From AA’s piece:

    Miller’s Sunday drawing also keyed on “Everybody Draw Muhammad Day!,” a free-speech protest…

    I know I’m a big old nerd, but it really pisses me off when people think anyone telling them to shut up = repression of free speech rights.

  14. 14
    morzer says:

    @MattF:

    Wait ’til the drug-addled little bastard sees the Minnie Mouse expose I have planned!

  15. 15
    Chris says:

    OT I know but man what a disgusting tongue bath–Ryan is their big hope? One of the parties MAY die ‘ala the Whigs’ and they imply it may be the dems? Who was writing this drivel I wondered (and whyTF is it in Huffpo?) Take a look and see who this piece of village offal used to work for.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....55441.html

  16. 16
    beltane says:

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: In their minds, free speech rights mean that they have the right to force you to listen and agree with them.

  17. 17
    ploeg says:

    Of course, not caring about the delicate feelings and emotional state of wingnuts and lunatics would include not trying to provoke them if there’s no point in doing so, wouldn’t it?

  18. 18
    Bill Murray says:

    I fear creeping theonomy of all sorts. You have to remember that most of us and right wingers especially rarely examine issues in any more depth than projection of what they would do onto what others would do. Thus, the worry about sharia law is because they are trying to install Christian Reconstructionism in the US. Implementing sharia law for all is exactly what they would do if they were Muslim

  19. 19
    Ross Hershberger says:

    You already own a perfectly usable wastes receptacle. They’re just too lazy to use it.

  20. 20
    suzanne says:

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: Or when people point out that you’re an idiot, a hypocrite, or both, and then they bitch about being “silenced”. I want to teach them all the difference between being “silenced” and being discredited.

  21. 21
    Cain says:

    @Keith:

    Most GSPs are high energy though they are great pets and very athletic and graceful. I have 5 acres about 3/4 mi up a private road and she gets to run and sniff all she wants. If you are interested in this breed there are many GSP rescue organizations where you can find a dog that will fit your tolerance for their energy requirements.

    I tried the cat genie and I had high hopes, but it didn’t work out. Plus it was smelling up the place for some reason, and finally it broke. Back to doing the litter by myself.

    My grandparents had it easy, since we were using indian toilets (toilet built into the floor) the cat was trained to just do it there and leave. I’ve heard of cats trained to using the toilet, not sure how easy that is.

    sri

  22. 22
    El Cid says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha! Fuck Muslims!

  23. 23
    Loneoak says:

    OMG, Pam Geller has slate countertops!

    My favorite part of this article:

    Her closest partner is Robert Spencer, the proprietor of Jihadwatch.org. Incorporation papers for their American Freedom Defense Initiative list as founding members Anders Gravers, a Danish “anti-Islamization” activist (“Jihad is the knife slicing the salami of freedom”) and John Joseph Jay (“There are no innocents in Islam”).

    Jihad is the knife slicing the salami of freedom! That has to be a Balloon Juice tag. The formula is wonderfully flexible:

    Pam Geller is the knife cutting the cheese of rational discourse.

  24. 24
    Ken Pidcock says:

    Did anyone else think, Hmm, that list is missing the first feature of my imaginary world?

  25. 25
    El Cid says:

    @Loneoak: Islam is the spoon puncturing the Crème brûlée of freedom.

  26. 26
    KG says:

    The Pirates have a chance to be good. McCutchen is a stud and as a Dodger fan, I can tell you that MacDonald should be a good pitcher… I also have a soft spot for Delwyn “Pee Wee” Young. But then again, with the GM you have, I think it’s hopeless.

  27. 27
    PurpleGirl says:

    @Mumphrey: A good article on Sharia and the religious law systems which are accommodated by US civil law. (This was posted in a thread at Digby’s place about a week ago.)

    http://www.theamericanmuslim.o.....on_courts/

  28. 28
    Davis X. Machina says:

    @Loneoak: Makes ya want to reach for the ball-peen hammer of common sense, doesn’t it?

  29. 29
    scav says:

    Will no functioning self-cleaning litterbox rid us of these crazies? !

    (also, I think that’s not sharia, I think that’s kudzu.)

  30. 30
    That's Master of Accountancy to You, Pal says:

    @KG: James MacDonald could become a perfectly serviceable pitcher, but the one the Dodgers may really regret sending to Pittsburgh (in the Manny Ramirez deal) is Bryan Morris.

  31. 31
    Spike says:

    @Davis X. Machina: Makes me wistful for the glory days of alt.peeves on Usenet, where the corresponding metaphor of choice went something like “Now let us peel back the foreskin of misconception and apply the wire brush of enlightenment”.

  32. 32
    KG says:

    @That’s Master of Accountancy to You, Pal: I already regret giving up MacDonald for Dotel. In fact, I regretted it the moment I read about the trade.

  33. 33
    jwb says:

    @Bill Murray: Yes, you can certainly get a long way interpreting politics by assuming that figures of demonization are actually inverted fantasy figures. There is a second dimension to this kind of projection, however, and that is projecting on to the other what you dislike about yourself. And confusing those two modes, which are bad enough as pathologies all by themselves, is where things get very dangerous.

  34. 34
    peej says:

    I had a massive fail with the automatic litter box I bought. One of my cats is so skittish that as soon as he heard the box in operation, he wouldn’t go near the room it was located in. That kind of makes it useless.

  35. 35
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Ken Pidcock:

    that list is missing the first feature of my imaginary world?

    A new last name?

  36. 36
    Ross says:

    We use the cat genie in our 3 cat household, and I highly reccomend it. We did have some problems with an older model (purchased in 2008; it did break frequently, emit foul odors, and leak cat poo soup exactly as described above.

    However, we replaced it with a newer model earlier this year and it’s been awesome. It’s not perfect – nothing with that many moving parts being utlilized several times a day will be free of issues, but it is shockingly reliable.

    What is also awesome is not having to touch cat poo.

  37. 37
    Citizen_X says:

    @Loneoak: Oh my, that’s wonderful.

    Hey Pam, I got your salami of freedom right here!

  38. 38
    West of the Cascades says:

    And our corporate overlords have identified the discussion of the Cat Genie and posted an clickable advertisement for said product on this thread. Frightening.

  39. 39
    Triassic Sands says:

    If the degree to which one’s “imaginary world” varies from reality is an indication of relative mental health, then this imaginary world of JC’s ought to be enough to get him a life sentence in a straitjacket in a maximum security mental illness ward.

    “Functioning press corps,” indeed.

  40. 40
    Tom M says:

    a Pirates team with over a .500 record once every decade
    Oh for the last (almost) 2 of those.

    And they make money being that bad.

  41. 41
    Paris says:

    “Draw Jesus getting a blowjob” Day is still on, right?

  42. 42
    Geeno says:

    @Loneoak: Holy Cow! I knew the right was all about fear of castration, but “the Jihad will cut the Salami of Freedom”? Wow.

  43. 43
    New Yorker says:

    a Pirates team with over a .500 record once every decade

    If the Devil Rays could do it in a division with Boston and the Yankees, the Pirates can do it. They look to be heading in the right direction finally. Give it another couple of years.

  44. 44
    Roger Moore says:

    @Davis X. Machina:

    Makes ya want to reach for the ball-peen hammer of common sense, doesn’t it?

    I’d rather go for the rusty pitchfork of decency, but I think another poster has dibs.

  45. 45
    morzer says:

    @Roger Moore:

    How about the bacon-slicer of virtue +4?

  46. 46
    Jamey says:

    Wait, tell me more about these fountains, John.

  47. 47
    JWL says:

    Trudging out of Candlestick Park after game 2 of the 1971 MLB playoffs, the scent of death was in the air. The Pirates flat-out had the better team, and everyone knew the Giants were cooked.

    Those Pirates of that era were extremely formidable. To say the least…

  48. 48

    @Paris:

    “Draw Jesus getting a blowjob” Day is still on, right?

    I don’t know about “Draw Jesus getting a blowjob” Day but you can find some great shirts at this website, and the phone call from an outraged Christian who claimed to be searching for a praise shirt on Google and found the site is not to be missed.

  49. 49

    @Paris:

    There’s also this tattoo (warning, really NSFW). You know, I wonder how the fundies would react if you did a drawing of Jesus fucking Mohammed in the ass? I mean, sure, it would be Jesus having gay sex, but he’d be on top, so that would make it OK, right.

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