Brilliant Idea


I’m sure there are more important things to write about, but this Canadian plan to create an optical illusion of a child in lieu of speed bumps is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen. My guess is that they’ll be painted over the first time a little girl in a blue hoodie chasing a pink ball is run over by a desensitized driver.






33 replies
  1. 1
    beltane says:

    This is one for Failblog. Speed bumps generally force you to slow down; this will do nothing other than help people overcome their deep-seated aversion to running over children. FAIL.

  2. 2
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    Hah. Fail.

  3. 3
    AxelFoley says:

    LOLOLOLOLOL

  4. 4
    RSR says:

    In my neighborhood there was some consideration given to painting optical illusion ‘fake’ speed bumps.

    I’m waiting for the rash of rear end collisions when a driver slams on the brakes encountering one of these the first time while be followed by someone who has been past it a few hundred.

  5. 5
    4tehlulz says:

    Death Park 2000

  6. 6
    Suffern Ace says:

    Graffiti artists should have a field day.

  7. 7
    toujoursdan says:

    They had a segment about this on CBC news (where they failed it too) and said that drivers were so distracted by the image that they may hit a child it was to alert you about.

  8. 8
    WereBear says:

    Baaaby on board…

    (song from The Simpsons)

  9. 9
    The Dangerman says:

    Has the world gone fucking mad (rhetorical question)?

  10. 10
    R. Porrofatto says:

    What exactly is the problem this is trying to solve? Are ordinary speedbumps prohibitively expensive or something?

    If you really want drivers to come to a stop you need a painting of a $100 bills scattered on the pavement. Even if a driver’s seen it before, who’d want to take the chance it wasn’t real this time? Unlike 2-D children.

  11. 11
    Scott de B. says:

    If you really want drivers to come to a stop you need a painting of a $100 bills scattered on the pavement. Even if a driver’s seen it before, who’d want to take the chance it wasn’t real this time? Unlike 2-D children.

    And back it up by scattering real $100 bills once a week over one of the paintings.

  12. 12
    Face says:

    Why not just paint giant boobs instead? I’d stop for those. Actually, stop, stare, park, and enjoy before driving away. It’d go from a speed zone to a parking lot in no time.

  13. 13
    El Tiburon says:

    @Face:
    Epic win.

  14. 14
    AxelFoley says:

    @RSR:

    I’m waiting for the rash of rear end collisions when a driver slams on the brakes encountering one of these the first time while be followed by someone who has been past it a few hundred.

    Exactly.

    Now that I think about it, I remember seeing something like this a year or so ago on TV, about a community (I forget where) using cardboard cutouts of kids in a similar fashion. I thought that was stupid, too, for the same reason you mention about this optical illusion.

  15. 15

    @Scott de B.: @Face: I vote for boobs and $100 bills. A clear compromise win, ah hell. It’ll just get filibustered anyway.

  16. 16
    Simp says:

    Yes. Except that the plan is for projected images not painted ones

    Thought I’m sure painting the ground or some graffitti would still accomplish the goal of ruining the visual.

  17. 17
    Cackalacka says:

    Hey, my commute was peppered with assholes driving 10 under in the passing lane (and no, traffic wasn’t heavy enough to warrant left-cruising) followed up by a woman riding my ass in the parking lot, who proceeded to spring to 45 once I ‘got out of her way.’

    This is a retarded idea. Given the amount of intelligence one observes on the road, it just might work.

  18. 18
    Mr Furious says:

    Any kid who plays ball in a parking structure is just ASKING to get run over… Where are her parents? I’m sure that kid walks to school. Also, too.

  19. 19
  20. 20
    Surly Duff says:

    @Larry Signor:

    You get to see someone (in this instance, the gubment) “make it rain” without having to enter a dark, seedy nightclub decorated with poles.

  21. 21
    Lost Left Coaster says:

    Yeah, speed bumps should be, uh, speed bumps. It seems silly to get too innovative here — they work pretty well as they are, don’t they?

    Also, there are some new types of speed bumps I have read about, like ones that only get hard if you hit them going over a certain speed, so drivers going the speed limit are not penalized whatsoever, but they are very jarring for anyone who is speeding. I like those.

    As a non-car owning, city-dwelling person who commutes to work by walking, I am a big fan of speed bumps. But I agree that they should be just regular ol’ speed bumps and no silly optical illusions that will only work the first time.

  22. 22
    Kyle says:

    What is the Canadian girl doing – curling?

  23. 23
    RSR says:

    >>only get hard if you hit them…over a certain speed

    This could apply to a bunch of politicians, too.

  24. 24

    You have to wonder if the designers of the “speed bump of the future” considered that drivers might become conditioned to disregard Pavement Patty and her imaginary cohorts, creating something similar to a “boy who cried wolf” effect. Couldn’t such conditioning reduce drivers’ caution if a real child should cross their path?
    __
    Asked whether confusing and/or tricking drivers with such images might create such unintended hazards, David Dunne of the British Columbia Automobile Association Traffic Safety Foundation said that pedestrians need to be just as alert as drivers.
    __
    “People tune out. It takes an attitude shift for people to change,” Dunne said. “Pedestrians need an attitude shift too. They have to realize that just because they are in a crosswalk doesn’t mean they are safe. In fact, most get hit while using crosswalks.”

    Shorter David Dunne: “Yes, my brilliant invention might make pedestrians less safe, but that’s their problem.”

  25. 25
    Freemark says:

    I don’t see a speed bump. I see 50 points.

  26. 26
    binz says:

    Jesus. It trains drivers to run over children.

    What fucking moron thought this up?

  27. 27
    licensed to kill time says:

    They should put this image instead.

  28. 28
    grumpy realist says:

    Actually, on some roads near toll booths coming off turnpikes I’ve seen optical illusion concrete guiders being used. Seems to work pretty well. Main purpose is to get people to Slow The &*^% Down before they crash into the real tollbooth.

  29. 29
    Tim says:

    @Lost Left Coaster:

    speed bumps… that only get hard if you hit them going over a certain speed, so drivers going the speed limit are not penalized whatsoever, but they are very jarring for anyone who is speeding.

    I think that is the problem–given all the different types of suspension/handling in modern cars/trucks, my understanding is that there is no single design that is universally jarring at any particular speed. So unfortunately, for any given speed bump design, for many vehicles the effect of the speed bump is reduced by actually speeding up relative to the intended caused speed. Or are you saying that these speed bumps are actually tied to a speed sensor and they resist more if the speed is exceeded?

    Another drawback of speedbumps in Canada is that they complicate snow removal (although this shouldn’t be an issue in the parking ramp depicted). On the other hand, real $100 bills would also complicate snow removal.

  30. 30
    the pair says:

    they originally had her wearing a red hoodie but people thought it was the puppy tosser girl and the 4chan flash mobs caused epic traffic problems.

    as for

    “People tune out. It takes an attitude shift for people to change,” Dunne said. “Pedestrians need an attitude shift too. They have to realize that just because they are in a crosswalk doesn’t mean they are safe. In fact, most get hit while using crosswalks.”

    umm…what’s a polite way of saying “kiss the tastiest part of my ass”? yes…i need to change that idiotic attitude i have that “walk” means i can walk and red means “stop”. i blame the schools. being a pedestrian in d.c., prick bastard driver capital of the world, i say we replace the little girl with a life sized travis bickle (post-mohawk of course.)

  31. 31
    Tax Analyst says:

    Yes, this optical illusion “safety” idea is one of the dumbest things to come rolling down the pike since Sarah Palin. Giving it even the slightest bit of practical considerattion it took me about 4 seconds to go “OMG!!!”, and then I started running the potential hazardous consequences through my mind. After the 5th or 6th consequence you shift gears and just go, “Uh, BTW – just what is wrong with using those speed-bumpee thingees to accomplish the goal?” After all, speed bumps place a physical restraint on the vehicle which when combined with a clear and plain “Caution, Speed Bumps Ahead” pre-warning sign brings all but the most brain-fucked driver into a clear state of awareness. But no, these Tom Swift geniuses would rather play clever mind games so some moron who gets chaffeured everywhere can praise and champion their innovative brilliance.

    Meanwhile you are left with battered bumpers and motorists violently yanked from their everyday driving mode into some distracting “Inception” inspired mental obstacle course. “Jesus, I thought I was going to hit a child!” “Am I hallucinating?” “That’s it, no more crack for me…at least not when I’m going to be driving.” “Dear, where are my heart pills?”, and “Why in the world would they do that?”

    I mean if I really want my head fucked with there are much easier and safer ways to get it done, like reading the most recent Republican talking points.

  32. 32
    Arclite says:

    Hitting a speed bump at speed is hard on the shocks and makes a loud noise. I do see the point about snow removal tho.

    Painting stuff on the road, regardless of what it is works the first couple of times, but once someone figures it out, they just tune it out and it ceases to be effective.

  33. 33
    Tax Analyst says:

    @Arclite:

    Painting stuff on the road, regardless of what it is works the first couple of times, but once someone figures it out, they just tune it out and it ceases to be effective.

    Arclite – That can be counteracted by randomly placing a real child on the street a few days every month.

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