Walks Are Like the Best Thing Ever

Not a dog, but Rosie and Lily seem to think walks are the greatest thing on the planet, like winning the lottery, pizza, the cold side of the pillow and a cool drink of water all wrapped up into one:

Normally I can get Rosie to go into a full-fledged talk instead of just that little pathetic whine. For some reason, I sound weird on that recording.

And now, because I foolishly previewed the video and the piglets overheard it, I have two dogs dancing around my feet who want to go for walks.

83 replies
  1. 1
    licensed to kill time says:

    Wow, deep voice! We have heard the Voice of Cole!

    My voice always sounds like some stranger when I hear it recorded.

  2. 2
    FoxinSocks says:

    That cracked me up, because I have the exact same conversation with my dogs every day.

    “Lucy, you want to go for a walk? A walk? Walkies? ”

    Lucy then dances around, her tail swishing back and forth and making little growlie/whiny noises.

  3. 3
    srv says:

    OMG, he speaks!

  4. 4
    beltane says:

    Stop teasing that poor thing!!! After you take her for a walk (and it better be a nice long walk after what you put her through) you should teach Rosie to sing opera tunes as she has a lovely soprano voice.

  5. 5
    matoko_chan says:

    Now it begins.
    Now that we have heard your voice, it is one short hop to full frontal nude mopping video.

  6. 6
    Svensker says:

    Ha ha ha. Very cheery making.

  7. 7
    mandarama says:

    Now I have a voice to associate with classics like “you assholes keep signing me up for shit” and “I’d like to punch someone in the neck.” Fantastic!

    Rosie is like, “yes, dumbass, a WALK. W-A-L-K. Jeezus, humans are slow.” My dog often conveys the same sentiments to us.

  8. 8
    DickSpudCouchPotatoDetective says:

    We heard the voice a few years ago, when John pointed us to a web stream audio of himself on a talk radio program of some kind.

    My comment at the time, IIRC, was that he sounded like a nice, normal person.

  9. 9
    harlana says:

    How utterly cute. “Stop torturing me and get the damned leash, now!”

    My kitty talks constantly, she doesn’t just meow, she warbles and stuff and makes sounds from the deepest inner core of her being. I think, however, it usually just means “tuna.”

  10. 10
    Mary G says:

    Rosie video! Thanks. She does have a look on her face like, I told you “yes” a jillion times already, let’s go.

    She looks great!

  11. 11
    sukabi says:

    have you been monitoring Rosie’s progress with her walks / weight??? she still looks very stuffed, even after all those nice walkies…

  12. 12
  13. 13
    schrodinger's cat says:

    Have you ever tried taking Tunch for a walk?

  14. 14
    John Cole says:

    @sukabi: She’s just a muscular doggie. You can feel her ribs, and she is much much skinnier than when I got her. She also has actual muscle definition rather than looking Tunchesque (or John Cole esque, for that matter).

  15. 15
    Barbara says:

    If I did that to my beagle eventually (like after 30 seconds) she would sit down and start howling.

    You definitely sound like you grew up in West Virginia/Southwestern Pennsylvania.

  16. 16
    matoko_chan says:

    Cole…..Rosie is waaay too fat for a 4yrold jack. She has some nice breeding…lovely headpiece and excellent legs. she needs diet and mondo exercise. her tail isnt docked tho….no reputable JRTCA breeder would put up with that.
    her tail should be just a handhold……so the whipper-in can pull her up and out when she bolts Reynaud (the fox) from his gone-to-ground.
    unless she’s a euro-jack.
    they don’t dock in teh soshializm.
    brit-jacks and scots-jacks and irisher-jacks are docked of course….im talking about scandanavia and those disgusting frogs. germans dont hunt.
    not sure why.

  17. 17
    matoko_chan says:

    @John Cole: lawl….i dont see a rib on that dog n/e where.
    jacks are supposed to be ‘working’ dogs.

  18. 18
    sukabi says:

    @John Cole: ahhhh, so you’ve gotten her ready for her WWE debut???

  19. 19
    Zam says:

    My family dog has gotten so bad with the word walk, it is just best to never use it unless you are actually about to take him.

  20. 20
    stuckinred says:

    My old man used to say that, for a dog, a walk was like reading the paper. . .all the new things that have happened out there!

  21. 21
    Sue says:

    Translation: Kindly remember I can remove your face if I so choose. I am descended from wolves, you know; I just find that cute works better. Usually.

  22. 22
    Mnemosyne says:


    My kitty talks constantly, she doesn’t just meow, she warbles and stuff and makes sounds from the deepest inner core of her being. I think, however, it usually just means “tuna.”

    Charlotte is also a talker, and right now her conversation is, “Can we play with the laser toy now? How about now? What about now? Is now a good time?”

    At one point, G asked her, “What do you want?” and she jumped onto the arm of the chair and pointed to the laser toy with her nose. She thinks we are very, very stupid, but she puts up with us for the sake of the laser toy.

  23. 23
    jl says:

    Thanks, cute pic.

    But I really expected something more ‘looney tunes’ from Cole’s previous description of Rosie’s behavior.

    Like bouncing up in the air with all four legs off the ground, or sudden disappearance of said Rosie into a blurred whirl, a la Tas the Tasmanian Devil.

    Cole’s voice reminds of somebody on TV. If I can think of who it is, and it seems like the person would be appropriately infuriating to Cole, I will post it. Some new show pundit? It will come to me by and by.

    Ah! Ben Stein! Which would explain the ‘Hool Smatley’ tag.

  24. 24
    matoko_chan says:

    my jack loved this.
    weasel ball.

  25. 25
    General Stuck says:

    Charlie makes noises I never heard from a dog before. He is mostly a non barker, except when someone comes to the door or near the apartment. But the otherworldy moans and chirps when he wants his walk, sounds like something coming a demon possessed church Calliope.

    On a positive note, he has become well trained when outside off the leash, of course a deer passes by and that goes all to hell, but he still doesn’t go far and returns pronto.

  26. 26
    Violet says:

    He does sound a bit like Ben Stein! It was bugging me too.

    Cole, you don’t sound like you’re from WV to me, but I lived in southern WV where the accent is very distinct. You almost have a northern sound to your voice. Definitely not a southern boy.

    Rosie is cute. Needs moar Lily.

  27. 27
    Comrade Mary says:

    Cole Talks!

    (Coming Soon: Cole Laughs! Cole Snarls! Cole Tells Us He Just Fucking Wants To Be Left Alone Already!)

    Neat video, though, and you do have a nice voice.

    Pets and games: I used to have a Siamese who loved chasing a fabric measuring tape around. He rarely waited for me to bring it out, but dragged it to me several times a day, knowing that I would get the hint and start the game. (I still have the chewed up old tape.) He also taught me how to play tag with him: I’d crouch slightly with my hands on the front of my thighs, then would lunge towards him to chase him for a few seconds. Then I’d have to stop, reverse down the hall, and he’d chase me. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

    God, I miss that cat.

  28. 28
    Rosalita says:

    Nothing like a happy dog video to make a Monday afternoon better….

  29. 29
    jl says:


    Maybe Cole hired Ben Stein as voice actor, or dubbed in a Ben Stein line from a movie.

    Cole is tricky, and we know he trolls his own site.

    Anyway, Rosie is so cute and lovable, it makes no difference.

    Is there any Rosie Gear yet at the store?

  30. 30
    Capri says:

    IMHO you sound just like Glenn Greenwald in this clip.

  31. 31
    Punchy says:

    Ours will beg for a walk, get outside, notice that it’s 100+F outside, and suffer the entire time. Then, after being back in the house for no more than 5 minutes, will go nuts again if I pick up the leashes. As if they cant remember that they just finished a brutal, miserable walk in 100+F heat. Just five minutes earlier….


  32. 32
    Angela says:

    Great. Trying to get ready for the packers tomorrow, listened to your video, and now my two dogs think my voice has changed, I’m calling them Rosie for some reason, but I also said the magic word – walk. Looks like I’ll be taking a quick break.

  33. 33
    scav says:

    voice can’t actually sound that weird on the video if the dogs now want out! I’m somehow now envisioning an entire blogful of vicious snarling RCA Victor jackals with their ears cocked at their laptops.

  34. 34
    Ash Can says:

    LOL! So cute! You naughty thing, you, teasing the doggies like that. I hope you really did take them for a walk after that.

    And our own voices always sound weird to us when we hear them played back. They never sound the same as when we hear them coming from inside of us.

  35. 35
    Dork says:

    @Capri: I was thinking he’s a dead ringer for Chuck Todd. John just needs some red hair, a mic, and a squirrel glued to his face in the shape of a goatee. At least he’s already got the f’ed up political takes down pat. :)

  36. 36
    Butch says:

    All I have to do is say the magic work “sticksies.” Butkus (a very large yellow lab) starts barking and spinning in circles, which causes Beauregard to play bite him, and sets of Barley….Pancho, on the other hand, can’t be bothered with retrieving anything….

  37. 37
    Poopyman says:

    Lasers are great, but what really gets all 5 of mine going are shoelaces. Regular old shoelaces, although Archie indicates a preference for old hiking boot laces. They’re a bit beefier.

    No need to spend cash on cat toys for the near future in the Poopyman household.

  38. 38
    Comrade Mary says:

    Our voices sound a bit deeper and more resonant to us when we speak and odd when we hear recorded playback because:

    “When you speak, the vocal folds in your throat vibrate, which causes your skin, skull and oral cavities to also vibrate, and we perceive this as sound,” explains Ben Hornsby, a professor of audiology at Vanderbilt University. The vibrations mix with the sound waves traveling from your mouth to your eardrum, giving your voice a quality — generally a deeper, more dignified sound — that no one else hears.
    Through a loudspeaker or recording device, you pick up sound only through air conduction. “The sound we’re used to hearing has a lower frequency from the bone vibrations,” Hornsby says. “We like that because it sounds rich and full.” Many people cringe at the playback sound because our brain struggles to accept that this foreign voice is our own.

  39. 39
    stuckinred says:

    @Poopyman: My bohdi steals socks. He doesn’t do anything with them he just swipes them.

  40. 40
  41. 41
    ellaesther says:

    It makes me unreasonably happy to both know what your knees look like AND be able to hear your voice!

    You have a lovely voice. One would never know from the dulcet tones you achieve with your pups just how furiously cranky you can get! (Extra points for stealth crank!)

  42. 42
    stuckinred says:

    @Comrade Mary: My dissertation research involved extensive interviews with folks about their experiences in education. I sent them back both the transcripts and tapes so they could approve. Everyone, including myself, hated the sound of their own voice.

  43. 43
    Politically Lost says:

    Is that you John Cole? Or is that the guy from Silence of the Lambs?

    “It puts the lotion in the basket!”

  44. 44
    Fax Paladin says:

    Harry Reid and the AP both suck. Reid for being a gutless wonder, and the AP for continuing to push the meme that Obama wholeheartedly supports the “mosque” instead of just observing (albeit forcefully) that yes, they have the right to build there. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38727205

  45. 45
    freelancer says:

    For some reason, I sound weird on that recording.

    This bugged the crap out of me for years, I thought for the longest time that I hate the way I sound on a recording. Turns out, that’s exactly how everyone else in the world hears your voice. Because when you speak, the sound created by your vocal cords travels through the tissue of your neck and head until it reaches your ears, in addition to you hearing your voice projected into the air and entering your ear that way as well. When you hear yourself on a recording, you’re removing one of the two ways in which you hear yourself. The disparity is a little unnerving. And it happens to EVERYONE.

  46. 46
    MattR says:

    @Don: I saw that a couple weeks ago. Kinda funny but could have been done much better if he picked a word that might come up in random conversation, like perhaps the roommates favorite sports team.


    The disparity is a little unnerving. And it happens to EVERYONE.

    Except Chuck Norris of course.

  47. 47
    jl says:

    @John Cole: I missed the comment by Cole.

    A debate over the existence and degree of Rosie fatness may tear this blog apart. And effect the midterm elections (the Professional Left in disarray!).

    Everyone take a deep breath before discussing the delicate issue of Rosie’s physical fitness.

    And in order to keep Cole from wigging out, I hereby declare that it is possible that Rose is just a few walks away, and just a small degree of subcutaneous padding away, from being one ripped and awesomely cut abbed out dawg. IMVHO also too.

    It is ‘possible’ in the technical sense of that word. I admit that much.

  48. 48
    You Don't Say says:

    Our dog does the same thing. He hates riding in the car so the dog park or the river walk is just so-so, but a walk out the front door, around the neighborhood, is the best thing ever!

  49. 49
    smileycreek says:


    Exactly– it’s when dogs check their p-mail!

  50. 50
    freelancer says:

    Except Chuck Norris of course.

    Chuck Norris probably thinks he sounds like Tweety Bird, which explains the overcompensating machismo persona.

  51. 51
    lamh says:

    @Fax Paladin:

    Profiles in Courage right???

    Breaking: Reid calls for mosque to be built “someplace else”

    Harry Reid is breaking with the President, claiming that while he respects freedom of religion, he’s not willing to support an Islamic center near Ground Zero.

    Specifically, says Reid spokesman Jim Manley, he thinks the “mosque” should be built “some place else”:

    The First Amendment protects freedom of religion. Senator Reid respects that but thinks that the mosque should be built some place else. If the Republicans are being sincere, they would help us pass this long overdue bill to help the first responders whose health and livelihoods have been devastated because of their bravery on 911, rather than continuing to block this much-needed legislation.

    The second most powerful Democrat in the country is not willing to support the President in his efforts to defend the right of Muslims to build a cultural center on private property, if the site in question is in the vicinity of Ground Zero. This comes after his opponent, Sharron Angle, attacked him on the issue this morning.

    Can’t say I’m surprised. More in a bit.

    And yet, somehow Obama is the coward????

    To quote Professor Faransworth (Futurama) last week: “I no longer want to live on this planet”!

  52. 52
    R-Jud says:

    @Politically Lost:

    Is that you John Cole? Or is that the guy from Silence of the Lambs?

    So glad I’m not the only one who thought this.

    Our cats only flock to me when I’m basting a roast. You say “Walk?” or “Doggie?” to the Bean, however, and she goes and gets her shoes and stands by the stroller, looking all expectant. Because the park’s where the dogs are at.

  53. 53
    licensed to kill time says:

    The flip side of this for my dog: Baths Are Like The Worst Thing Ever.

    Just say the word bath and watch her shrink and slink out of the room. She would literally deflate, like all her happiness and joy had leaked out in an instant. It was very sad to see. The good thing was she’d re-inflate the second the bath was over.

    {{{{ Happy Now! Walkie? I’m Dancin’ Here! }}}}

  54. 54
    WaterGirl says:

    @licensed to kill time: I never thought about it before, but after I heard the voice on this recording I realized I expected it to have a higher pitch, more like Chuck (from the show Chuck).

  55. 55
    WaterGirl says:

    @Mnemosyne: My two kitties love the laser, but I think they are getting bored with my laser skills. I guess you can only chase it down the hall so many times before it gets to be ho-hum? What do you do with the laser to entertain the kitties? I have clearly fallen into a laser rut.

  56. 56
    WaterGirl says:

    @Poopyman: I am needing to seriously step up my game with my kitties. What do you do with the shoelaces? Tie them together and dangle them? Or do they play with the shoelaces when you’re not on the other end, too?

  57. 57
    Comrade Mary says:

    @WaterGirl: Get a squeaky toy and every time the laser light moves, or they pounce on it, squeeze the toy to make them think they’re really chasing prey.

    Or point the laser at various spots, where maybe 1 in 5 spots has a little treat hidden. Intermittent reinforcement is the best reinforcement.

  58. 58
    John Cole says:

    @freelancer: I’ve hear myself a million times recorded. I was a DJ. I’m not talking about the normal disparity from what we sound like to ourselves and what we sound like on tape.

    I sound different on this recording than on other recordings. Must be the shitty mic on the camera.

  59. 59
    licensed to kill time says:


    Yes, the deepness startled me a bit. I think we have all formed mental pictures of Cole which probably have little bearing in reality.

    I’m thinking it would be interesting to see composite sketches like a police artist would do, based on each commenter’s imaginary Cole. That would either be awesome or supremely weird, I guess. A veritable Cole Imaginarium!

    Not a stalker, srsly :)

  60. 60
    Mnemosyne says:

    @Comrade Mary:

    The weird thing is, while we were in Chicago, I saw a video of G when he was in high school and I did not think the voice sounded like him. At all.

    He did weigh 60 pounds more back then, so I wonder if that has something to do with it. Plus he’s lost his Illinois accent in the intervening years.

  61. 61
    Mnemosyne says:


    Charlotte will take a running start and jump at least halfway up the wall. We point the laser at the front door and she will jump at least as high as the peephole on the door. So as long as you don’t mind claw marks on your wall, that’s an option. ;-)

    It also helps that we can only do it in 10-15 minute stretches because Charlotte will run herself ragged to the point that she actually starts panting like a dog. The other two cats don’t really have time to get bored since Charlotte tends to hog the laser and they have to sneak in when they can.

    (It was kind of sad/funny when Annie and Charlotte were both chasing the laser at the same time and accidentally knocked heads. Annie was so traumatized that she hid under a chair and refused to come out for an hour. Charlotte just kept chasin’.)

  62. 62
    Cain says:


    Cole’s voice reminds of somebody on TV. If I can think of who it is, and it seems like the person would be appropriately infuriating to Cole, I will post it. Some new show pundit? It will come to me by and by.

    Ben Stein with just a hint of Lieberman. :)


  63. 63
    eyepaddle says:

    Jeez Cole, I can’t believe how much your voice sounds like mine. You’re a bit less “muppet-y” than I am, though, so you have that going for you.

    Whenever I hear myself recorded I can’t believe people don’t just point and giggle whenever I speak.

  64. 64
    shortstop says:

    the cold side of the pillow

    …is so not a dog thing, at least most of the time. Until it hits about 90 degrees, they always go for the warmest surface in the room.

  65. 65
    shortstop says:

    Now my hound is on her hind legs at the windowsill, tail wagging hugely, searching high and low for that excellent-sounding dog.

  66. 66
    Poopyman says:


    I am needing to seriously step up my game with my kitties. What do you do with the shoelaces? Tie them together and dangle them? Or do they play with the shoelaces when you’re not on the other end, too?

    Cast them, fly-casting style. That usually does it, but the sure cat pleaser is if you slowly pull it across the floor until it disappears behind your knee (you should be sitting or kneeling, obviously). This invariably triggers the shit-or-get-offa-the-pot-it’s-getting-away gene in their tiny brains and they jump for it. At which point you pull it around at a speed to keep it juuust out of reach. After a while you’ll get good at passing it from hand to hand and getting the cats to chase it 3 or 4 times around your body.

    Archie loves to be praised after he finally catches it. Lily just wants to kill it and couldn’t give a shit whether she’s praised or not. Spanky won’t really chase it, and I have to literally throw it in his face before he’ll grab for it.

  67. 67
    flotsam says:

    Cole is what the killer from Silence of the Lambs sounds like right after he puts on his fat-girl-skin-suit…”Do you want to go for a walk?? Walksies?? Hmmm, or does it get the hose again??”

  68. 68
    Delia says:

    If I’m slow noticing it’s time for Pippin’s afternoon walk he’ll stand in front of me with those sad, accusing laser eyes. Or if I get up and I’m not making moves in the proper direction I get little nudges from his nose on the back of my legs. Or he stands behind me until I start tripping over him. . . . It’s hard to forget walk time around here.

  69. 69
    WaterGirl says:

    @licensed to kill time: What a fun idea! I don’t think that’s stalker-ish at all.

  70. 70
    WaterGirl says:

    @Mnemosyne: I could live with claw marks, but sadly my girl doesn’t want to jump for the laser anymore. That’s partly want prompted me to ask for suggestions in technique.

    As to the collision… it just amazes me to see how different even my two litter mate kitties are from each other.

  71. 71
    WaterGirl says:

    @Comrade Mary: Great ideas. But with two kitties, one treat just won’t do! I guess I would have to get creative. Will definitely try the squeaky toy idea. The kitties come running as soon as I let my dog outside because they know that’s when the laser comes out. Otherwise, Bailey just barks at them when they run around.

  72. 72
    WaterGirl says:

    @Poopyman: Thanks for the explicit instructions! I clearly do not have the teasing/play gene that you and others have. Loved your story about which cat cares about what.

  73. 73
    Mnemosyne says:


    Don’t forget, I have three kitties all under 4 years old. Charlotte only just turned a year old. I suspect her enthusiasm for the laser will wane as she gets older. Maybe in another 5 years or so.

  74. 74
    anna missed says:

    This is preetty much right on target. As far as it’s to the point while artful and amusing.

  75. 75
    Mister Papercut says:

    I think my favorite thing is Lily hopping up, being all “Walk? brb, gettin’ the leashes…”

  76. 76
    WaterGirl says:

    @Mnemosyne: But my girl isn’t even 1 year old yet!

    I don’t know if you will recall this, but as the person who explained to me when/how you can get a sense of the personality of a kitten, I hold you at least partially responsible for my wonderful kitties. Even if they are getting a bit lazy about the laser. :-)

  77. 77
    LiberalTarian says:

    You know, I think Rosie has lost weight.

  78. 78

    Holy shit. Cole sounds exactly as I hear him in my head. Eerie. And, Rosie is so beautiful.

    Ahem. Now we have seen evidence of Lily sleeping (and zipping by in this vid) and of Rosie eager to take a walk, yet we have not seen Tunchie in a bajillion years. Please, Cole? Just one little Tunch action vid?

  79. 79
    Patty K says:

    You shouldn’t toy with your dogs like that. Once you know the poor helpless things want to go out, you should take them out. I’m sure that’s what I would do if I had a dog, which I don’t, but even so.

  80. 80
    Comrade Mary says:


    Just one little Tunch action vid?

    We are defining “action” down, aren’t we?

    (And yes, we need Tunch, please.)

  81. 81
    Comrade Mary says:

    OMG — I just realized who John sounds like. He’s been telling us he looks like him, but if he also sounds like him, I think we’ve been played BIG TIME.

    (Some Tunch video, please, Mr. Hoffman?)

  82. 82
    Anne Laurie says:

    @John Cole:

    I’ve hear myself a million times recorded. I was a DJ. I’m not talking about the normal disparity from what we sound like to ourselves and what we sound like on tape.
    I sound different on this recording than on other recordings. Must be the shitty mic on the camera.

    How much weight have you put on since you were DJing? Ask any opera singer how weight fluctuations change one’s voice.

  83. 83
    hilzoy says:

    I played that. Rosie made my cats very, very nervous. They started running around, wondering where the dog was and how they could get away.

    Maybe I’ll make it up to them by playing The Secret Life of Birds, which they find absolutely riveting. Annika tried for about ten minutes to reach into the TV to catch the birds the first time she saw it. It was incredibly funny.

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