A Modest Proposal for Fox News’ First Reality Show

After this quote from Hayley Barbour:

“Once it gets to this stage, it’s not poisonous,” Barbour said. “But if a small animal got coated enough with it, it could smother it. But if you got enough toothpaste on you, you couldn’t breathe.”

I want to see a new reality show, “The Barbour Family Eats Gulf Seafood”. After a couple of seasons of Hayley and his brood chowing down on crab, shrimp and oysters caught in various parts of the Gulf, if there aren’t any tumors sprouting from his flabby jowls, then I’ll believe that “the risk to wildlife from oiling is not as bad as some have been saying.”

28 replies
  1. 1
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    That’s supposed to be an argument for what now exactly?

    I don’t think anyone would be much happier about a massive dentifrice leak that dumped millions of gallons of toothpaste into the Gulf.

    Nor would it make me more likely to want to eat anything pulled out of it.

    He should patent this. Haley Barbour’s new line of toothpaste-impregnated seafood. Just the thing for brushing your teeth when your mouth is full. For busy Americans everywhere.

  2. 2
    Comrade Javamanphil says:

    Mmmm, crab caked in oil. Hope those are Maryland style.

  3. 3
    Resident Firebagger says:

    This lifelong Minnesotan dined on Gulf shrimp in New Orleans for the first and only time some 11 years ago. Flat out the best meal of my life. Sigh.

    And the reality show premise should be, “How Many Emptied Tubes of Toothpaste Does it Take to Smother Hayley Barbour?”

  4. 4

    I noticed a headline on Yahoo that biologists have found bits of oil inside of crab larvae. The concern is that oil is entering the food chain.

    Surprise, surprise.

    Who is Hayley Barbour?

  5. 5
    MikeJ says:

    @Linda Featheringill:

    Who is Hayley Barbour?

    HE’s the little girl who played twins in the original 60’s version of Disney’s the Parent Trap. Had a sex change in the 70s and went on to be republican governor of Mississippi.

  6. 6
    Starfish says:

    @Linda Featheringill: Haley Barbour is the governor of Mississippi. There has been some speculation from people in Mississippi that he may run for president.

  7. 7
    vtr says:

    That in a nutshell is the Republican party. A collection of statements so profoundly stupid you’d think no one would believe them. But…

  8. 8
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Linda Featheringill: Serious question, or snark? Haley Barbour is the Governor of Mississippi. He’s a former RNC Chair, big moneyman for the GOP, and a likely contender for the Republican nomination for President in 2012. He’s very pro-business, and the economic development community loves him. He’s also very socially conservative, so southern wingnuts also love him.

    He’s also an obese, piggy-faced, bigoted hunk of lard.

  9. 9
    Jim C says:

    I can recall when he was the host of “Rising Tide” the GOPTV show. (I think he was RNC chairman at the time, but really, he was a political Pat Robertson to me.)

    What a smacked ass he is.

  10. 10
    Robert Waldmann says:

    What an immagination. I would have to consume dangerous illegal drugs before I could hold the words “Fox” “News” and “reality” in my head at the same time.

  11. 11
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Robert Waldmann #10:

    As long as you retain the scare quotes, it’s okay.

  12. 12
    Zach says:

    I don’t quite get condemning Barbour for trying to save his state’s economy by informing people that the danger of oil to wildlife is dependent on its concentration. It’s a point that’s sort of vital to the whole thing (it’s why dispersants are used, for instance) that’s not being appropriately communicated by the media (eg all of the “Where did the oil go???” stories last week… a whole lot of it’s still there; it’s just diluted).

    I ought to admit that I’m biased because I want cheaper, larger crabs sold in Baltimore before the Bay kicks into gear.

  13. 13
    El Cid says:

    I thought you were going to suggest that Barbour and his family would actually be coated in oil and sent to compete for food in the Gulf waters.

  14. 14
    mistermix says:

    @Zach: Hayley Barbour has been saying “no big deal” since the start of this thing, so his latest “no big deal” pronouncement has no credibility.

  15. 15
    Breezeblock says:

    I’d be satisfied seeing that bloated tub of lard swimming in the Gulf.

  16. 16
    JD Rhoades says:


    I can’t stand Barbour, but think it’s more a “Governor trying to save a chunk of his state’s economy” thing than a purely Republican one.

  17. 17
    Punchy says:

    I call bullshit. There’s NO WAY anyone from Mississippi has any idea what the hell toothpaste is.

  18. 18
    Zach says:

    @mistermix: I saw one of his earlier “no big deal” remarks on one of the Sunday shows relatively early on in the spill. He said that aside from rare tarballs, the spill hadn’t reached his state and the beaches were still great, that fishing hadn’t been shut down in his area at that time, and that the Coast Guard and BP were responding appropriately to his requests. Seems infinitely more reasonable and responsible than, say, Bobby Jindal. Barbour’s been knocked for talking about natural seepage in the Gulf, but he’s right that natural seepage in the Gulf has enhanced the Gulf’s capacity to break down oil through biological processes. He has had a few “no big deal” statements, but I don’t think they were a particular ignorant corrective to constant cable news footage that made it appear that oiled animals were constantly washing ashore from Florida to Texas.

  19. 19
    vtr says:

    @JD Rhoades: Some would believe that to solve real problems, it’s necessary to understand that there is a reality, to face it, and find real solutions. It’s like understanding and being honest about the fact that tax cuts for the wealthy do not pay for themselves and enhance the economy.

  20. 20
    Zach says:

    @Linda Featheringill:

    I noticed a headline on Yahoo that biologists have found bits of oil inside of crab larvae. The concern is that oil is entering the food chain.

    Bioaccumulation isn’t as much of a problem for crustaceans; a crab (especially a male crab) will molt many times between the larval stage and maturity (and deliciousness). If the larvae encountered toxic levels of oil and died, that’s another issue. Molluscs are at greater risk… one (of many) reason why it’s most important to keep oil (and dispersants) away from the shore.

  21. 21
    elmo says:


    This week’s award of the Internet comes complete with a complimentary family pass to Dollywood, where you can study Southern Appalachian dental hygiene firsthand. Congratulations!

  22. 22
    mclaren says:

    So is Hayley Barbour talking about conservatism after the 2008 election?

    That’s what he’s talking about, right? Yes…once enough conservatives are voted out of office, when it gets to this stage, conservatism isn’t poisonous. But if a small animal got surrounded by conservatives and covered with their bullshit, it could smother the creature.

    Sounds right.

  23. 23
    mrmike says:

    Of course, toothpaste is fatal by ingestion in relatively small quantities long before coating yourself with it would kill you. Though fluoride is absorbed through the skin and mucosa as well, so it could be a horse race.

    Come to think of it, it’s not a bad analogy.

  24. 24
    Warren Terra says:

    Anyone remember the British BSE scare of a decade ago, and the politicians (or was it Royals – my memory is hazy) who got themselves photographed manfully eating British Beef (sometimes fraudulently)?

  25. 25
    JGabriel says:

    “Once it gets to this stage, it’s not poisonous,” Barbour said. “But if a small animal got coated enough with it, it could smother it. But if you got enough toothpaste on you, you couldn’t breathe.”

    It’s those damned animals fault, really. Why do they have to go licking the stuff off themselves instead of just washing it off with soap and water like people do? They got no one to blame but themselves.


  26. 26
    The Populist says:

    From what I can tell, Hayley Barbour eats many things and quite regularly.

  27. 27
    Armadillo says:

    Forget about small animals. If you want to see grown men dying from exposure to “toothpaste,” you could look at




    the last link having the biggest photos, but no English translation.

    I don’t know why they’re not wearing any safety gear.

    I also don’t know why Shanghaiist is surprised that they’re not wearing any safety gear. Safety standards are not very high over here.

  28. 28
    DMD says:

    Like Mr. Burns with the three-eyed fish in the classic Simpsons episode, Barbour should put his money where is mouth is and demonstrate how safe it is to eat oil-covered seafood.

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