Joe Klein, per Andrew Sullivan:
Newt Gingrich is clearly running for President. How do I know? He gets dumb and angry when running for office.
Or, more realistically, Gingrich has a book to sell. His public persona is always angry, noisy, and stupidity-rich. Greer Mansfield at Wonkette has been kind enough to read, and review, Newt’s Regnery-sponsored book for us:
Every political party needs an intellectual guru, and 1990s nostalgia act Newt Gingrich is the “Ideas Man” for the GOP establishment when he’s not playing Pearl Jam and Cardigans covers. Some consider Newt a great thinker, perceptive about history and full of “American Solutions for Winning the Future.” This is because 2010 America doesn’t really have thinkers. Instead we have policy nerds and op-ed page n’ teevee boredom-mongers, all of them “intellectuals” because, uh, they go on the teevee and type the op-ed page. They also occasionally write books like Newt’s violent robot novel To Save America: Stopping Obama’s Secular-Socialist Machines, er, we mean, MACHINE, a tale of socialist robots sent from the godless future to kill Ronald Reagan’s ghost.
__
The book is cleverly disguised as one of those breezy but long policy proposals that some people mistakenly call “books” and others comically call “think pieces.” But your reviewer can confirm that Newt is an avant-garde weirdo, because the book is secretly a sci-fi novel.
__
THE PLOT: The year is 2010. America is in dumb ruins. Into this crumbling, toxic hellscape rumbles something called “Obama’s secular-socialist machine.” Its nature is unclear at first, but it obviously means us harm.
__
Which of Obama’s secular-socialist machines is Philip K. Newt talking about? Surely not the robot planes that socialistically blow up Afghans. And probably not the government UFOs you see wheeling above our western deserts from time to time. Newt clarifies:
__
[T]he secular socialists believe the only reliable institution is a bureaucratic, centralized, supremely powerful government. Their answer to virtually every problem is higher taxes, more spending, and bigger bureaucracies, because they don’t believe Americans can be trusted to make the “right” decisions ….
__
Powerful politicians will impose their will on an exhausted, submissive citizenry, who will look to government bureaucrats for guidance and permission to succeed in life. Naturally, there will be no place for God in this new, purely secular society.
__
…. The secular-socialist machine represents as great a threat to America as Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union once did.
Newt Gingrich is a hustler, no more interested in actual “politics” than Sarah Palin, his natural heir. He wants money and media attention and payback for every real or imagined injury done to his vast ego by the legions of his self-perceived enemies. Actual political campaigning — pretending to be interested in what other people think — is tedious and unprofitable, but a pleasant career being paid to speak at high-dollar fundraisers between appearances as a televised “thinker” must be carefully nurtured. The Media Village Idiots’ current agitation about the crop of minor-league sociopaths, publicity-seekers, and narcissists perceived to be “presidential contenders in 2012” has Gingrich hustling to ensure that the Gingrich brand retains its high-value shelf space in the political Walmart that is the modern Wingnut Welfare Wurlitzer.
__
C Nelson Reilly
But Clinton made Newt sit in the back of the plane!
NobodySpecial
Point of order!
While they may have an actual Republican who is a candidate at some point after 2011, they in no way shape or form have anything resembling a contender, nor will they in the future.
Cassidy
…and ZOMBIES!
Begging for a re-write.
Chyron HR
thx newt i came on cat she hiss at penas
CalD
Howard Dean says the Republicans need him. I say they deserve him.
Jules
Open thread?
The mix of Joe and Mika and Luke fucking Russert on Top Chef last night made me sad.
Bill Murray
Newt would be playing Right Said Fred and MC Hammer covers, although he probably dreams of the Cardigans lead singer for his next death bed wife
Cassidy
@Jules: I’m assuming you didn’t mean in a blender then?
MattF
Some time ago, I had a friend in the restaurant biz in DC. She was having dinner at the Capitol Grill in DC, where Newt used to hold court. Since she was in the biz, the managers and waiters all hovered around her table, made sure that she had a good meal and a good time.
Newt was there, and Newt was incensed. Exceedingly irritated that anyone was getting more attention than he was. Moral, to be explicit about it, is that there is one and only one thing that matters to Newt. Aaand it begins with an ‘N’.
neil
I hadn’t thought of Sarah Palin as Newtie’s natural heir before – but….dang, I think you hit it between the eyes.
I think Newt has few more neurons firing than Palin does, but he’s got that same “say anything” quality when someone sticks a microphone in his kisser.
How that guy ever acquired a reputation as an intellectual has always been a complete mystery to me.
Mnemosyne
G and I are having a bit of a political tiff because he sincerely believes that Sarah Palin will be the next presidential nominee while I believe just as firmly that she’s too fucking lazy to stand up to the rigors of a presidential campaign and will pull a Fred Thompson early on.
I know that Newt wants to be the candidate but, again, he’s too lazy to actually do it and, unlike W, he doesn’t have a bunch of Daddy’s pals to prop him up and keep him going across the finish line.
Jamie
oh be fair, Noot has a number of real enemies.
dj spellchecka
matt duss at thinkprogress has multiple ways newt’s big scary mooooslims speech is factually impaired…..
http://wonkroom.thinkprogress.org/2010/07/28/newt-gingrich-plays-loose-with-the-facts-to-bash-muslims/
ps: this secular socialist has little interest in “a bureaucratic, centralized, supremely powerful government,” i just want one with an robust safety net delieved as effectivly as possible….
Jules
@Cassidy:
How awesome would that have been?
Mark S.
TPM is running a series on Beck University: online classes taught by some yahoo history professor that Beck lends his name to. The class so far has been all about how the Founding Fathers were all religious yokels like the people who are attending the class. Some of the evidence is, shall we say, a little lacking:
Reagan didn’t go to church while he was president, so I guess he was in favor of the thick wall between church and state.
(edited slightly so as not to screw up the blockquote)
Pangloss
You’re forgetting perhaps the best Republican candidate for 2012, Minnesota Governor Tim Paw…len…… Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Davis X. Machina
@Mnemosyne: If she runs, she’ll never get out of Iowa — and her own fans will do it to her, too. When it becomes clear, after walk-throughs in Grange halls were someone gets ignored, or one grip-and-grin runs long, and she just cancels the next one, when it becomes clear that she’s all about her, and they’re all about them, poof.
And then you have to do it all over again in New Hampshire.
mistersnrub
Every time Newt comes up I tell people to read Joan Didion’s wonderfully derisive essay on him, “The Teachings of Speaker Gingrich.” She pegs him for the buffoonish charlatan that he truly is.
ajr22
@Jules: The fact the Russert was at that table ruined the episode for me. If any one deserved to be at that table it was Ezra, i mean the guy talks about top chef all the time. Also too, how did they let that guy get away with cheating? He had the “oh shit they caught me but i can’t admit it” look on his face at judges table.
MoeLarryAndJesus
@neil:
Newton taught at what is now called the University of West Georgia back in the 70s.
As far as I can determine the best known alumnus of good old UWG is Creflo Dollar. Yeah, this clown:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creflo_Dollar
The two have a lot in common.
(Until just now I didn’t realize that Creflo’s wife was named Taffi Dollar. Awesome.)
MoeLarryAndJesus
@Davis X. Machina:
And she’s about as popular in New Hampshire as gonorrhea is.
Davis X. Machina
@MoeLarryAndJesus: Vegas says take the gonorrhea, give the points….
Fleas correct the era
His public persona is always angry, noisy,
and stupidity-richstupid, and rich.Fixed.
tkogrumpy
The last paragraph in this post is one densely packed entertaining piece of writing. And right on target.
grandpajohn
Hmmm the same place that God occupies in Newts world other than when he is demagoging and propogandizing the sheep that makes up his flock of supporters
Alex S.
Maybe they’re trying to personalize this whole “ideas” thing, so they can point at Newt and say: “Hey, we’ve got ideas – we’ve got Newt!” He’d be a better RNC chairman than president, but it seems that he really wants to run this time, and I think he’ll get the nomination if all the other candidates flame out. Newt would be the perfect consensus candidate.
p.a.
I am the
SwordMasterSecular-Socialist Machine Master!beltane
@Mnemosyne: New Hampshire has an open primary, and there was a poll out a couple of days ago showing that the Granite State’s independents and moderates kind of hate Sarah Palin. Likewise, the Iowa fundies would prefer Mike Huckabee over Palin any day. The closest she’ll get to the Republican nomination will be a spot at the convention delivering a speech in a tight-fitting mini skirt.
Bret
What are you guys still talking about Newt Gingrich for? He’s so last decade.
Basil Marceaux, Republican candidate for Governor of Tennessee, is the party’s new Idea Man. Don’t believe me?
Watch this video from their local Channel 4 News.
Mnemosyne
@Davis X. Machina:
Yep. It’s one thing to be plucked from obscurity and thrust into stardom when someone else (McCain) has already done all of the hard work to get the nomination. It’s something else entirely to do that hard work yourself, and Palin is just not up to it.
For all of his many many many (many) other faults, W was actually very good at campaigning. He sucked at actually, you know, governing, but he knew how to campaign. It’s probably the one thing he was actually good at.
PeakVT
OT: Check out this great exhibition at the Smithsonian.
p.a.
Newt could be in copyright trouble: isn’t ‘Secular-Socialist Machine’ the nickname of the New School for Social Research’s football team?
I believe the logo is a 1930’s era steam locomotive (Socialist Realist style) shaped like Karl Marx’s head…
Will
We get kind of immune to this type of thing, but it’s worth remembering that our solution to those threats involved killing lots of people on the other side. Considering our economic situation and the overall sense of frustrated anger in the ether, these are the type of statements that get people killed.
Comrade Kevin
How can you tell?
Joey Maloney
Ha!
AZmando
Your final paragraph is just the best!
Sarah and Newt will not run – they are the Grateful Dead of the wingnut world. These two get massive attention and endless adulation . Why would they give that up to take a job that pays less in a year than they can make in two or three nights?
They just have to flirt with running to keep the fans coming to the Wingnut Rock concerts.
Davis X. Machina
@beltane:Ah, New Hampshire, where campaigns go to die.
Ask Presidents Gramm and Connally….
Jules
@ajr22:
I thought of Ezra too.
and then thought “Oh look, they are letting little Luke eat at the Big People table…how cute”.
joe from Lowell
I disagree. Newt used tactics that are similar to those used by Palin, but to a different end. She is just making herself famous and, ideally, powerful. Newt actually takes politics seriously, and is doing these things in order to seize power, so he can implement an agenda.
That’s my take, anyway. Sarah Palin never held an education-policy debate with Al Sharpton on C-SPAN in which he seriously discussed and considered his opponent’s points.
...now I try to be amused
@AZmando:
Bingo.
I suppose half-assed pseudo-candidates like Newt and Palin, and Giuliani and Fred Thompson before them, do the eventual GOP presidential candidate a favor by deflecting attention away from him until late in the primary season.
flukebucket
@Bret:
Holy shit.
Belafon (formerly anonevent)
It’s called projection when you believe other people are doing what you are doing. What’s it called when you want to do what you think others are doing? Because I think that quote describes the Plutocracy that Newt is the spokesman for.
QuaintIrene
Ah, Regnery. Where would the wingnuts be without them? Well. there’s always POD or PublishAmeirca.
thomas
I’m with Bret @ 29
Newt is so way past his ‘sell by date’. Those of us out here in ‘real america’ have known this for 10 years. Only the beltway navel gazers think he’s relevant.
wenchacha
I happened to catch Newt on EWTN Catholic channel the other day, He was sharing newly-found video of Pope John Paul during his trip to communist Poland. Apparently the commies had confiscated/filed away all coverage of the Pope’s visit.
There has to be some money in this for him, somewhere. Maybe he figures his new-found faith will swing the Opus Dei Supremes in his favor if there’s another election fraud to decide. I caught just the fewest moments possible, but still have to observe: there is nobody more annoying than the newly converted. And Newt was already plenty enough annoying.
Paul L.
Remember
You’re Welcome.
Mark S.
@Bret:
Wow. What the fuck was that?
Belafon (formerly anonevent)
@Paul L.: So, Paul, are you going to be out there eating the shrimp any time soon? Did the millions of gallons of oil just magically disappear?
It might be easy to rewrite your memory, but the laws of physics must still be followed.
Culture of Truth
The Media Village Idiots’ current agitation about the crop of minor-league sociopaths, publicity-seekers, and narcissists perceived to be “presidential contenders in 2012” has Gingrich hustling to ensure that the Gingrich brand retains its high-value shelf space in the political Walmart that is the modern Wingnut Welfare Wurlitzer.
That’s an awesome sentence.
Davis X. Machina
The next step in a grand poli-sci experiment — trying to determine just how little candidate can you put out there and still win an election with it.
Zack Wamp — probably too much candidate.
Basil Marceaux — probably too little candidate.
And the experiment continues.
(The federal-level version of this experiment was successfully concluded in 2001.)
demo woman
When was the last time the republicans mentioned family values?
Mike in NC
Fixed.
This blowhard was on TV last week and he looked terrible and his speech was slurred. He’s aged quite a lot in the past 15 years and couldn’t stand the rigors of a presidential campaign. He’ll be too old to run for anything in 2016, so he’s going to make a fast buck before it’s too late.
Zifnab
Translation: They don’t believe the corporate elites can be trusted to make the “right” decisions.
Gingrich is so transparent sometimes.
Mnemosyne
@Paul L.:
Uh, this isn’t that scenario they talked about where the oil gets into the current and gets distributed all along the entire East Coast, right?
I guess as long as massive amounts of oil are washing up on beaches in places other than the Gulf Coast, the problem’s solved! USA! USA! USA!
ETA: Yep. It’s the loop current moving the oil away and not, as Paul thinks, the oil magically vanishing.
Jay in Oregon
@demo woman:
“Family Values” is so 20th century.
Now it’s all about Our Freedoms!
PeakVT
You’re Welcome.
Did all you assholes go down and breath hot air on the Gulf? I don’t recall that happening, so I don’t see much for you to take credit for.
Zifnab
@Davis X. Machina:
I’m not sure where you get that idea. George Bush was nothing if not a force of personality. About as bright as asphalt, but he was charming enough to be President. Even John McCain and Sarah Palin had crafted media personas.
Tennessee must be running incredibly low on talent if this is the face running for Governor.
Mark S.
@Bret:
Check out the guy’s website:
I think he’s calling for no-fault insurance, but I’m not sure.
PaminBB
Great post, Newt and Sarah are indeed two peas in the same pod, which should explode from an excess of egomania.
Svensker
@Belafon (formerly anonevent):
Yes! Yes, they did! Because that shows that Liebruls and Dim-o-RATS are just trying to shove environmental hoohaw down our throats to get sockalism and give our tax dollars to black bucks t-bone steaks cadillacs feminazi obambi drill baby blargle!
Davis X. Machina
@Mark S.: Vox populī, vox Deī.
the Hef
@C Nelson Reilly: William Jefferson Clinton is the second president to have all the letters in word “criminal” in his name. (the first was Nixon)
kommrade reproductive vigor
This. Palin will hold off “Also Ran” status by being an “Almost Ran” for as long as possible.
Personally, I think Newt’s schtick is pretty old but I don’t know if anyone who might vote for him gets excited when he starts to tease.
Xero
@mistersnrub: Thank you for mentioning the Didion piece. I managed to find the whole thing, and it is a fascinating read.
Zifnab
@kommrade reproductive vigor: The conservative pundit cannot fail. He can only be failed. Why even run for office anymore as a Republican. It’s far more lucrative (and possess far fewer legal difficulties) simply standing on the sidelines, collecting ad dollars, and pitching fits.
NonyNony
@Mnemosyne:
This is really unfair to W. As you point out later he’s a really good campaigner. But more than that he’s a competitive son of a bitch with a mean streak a mile wide and 10 miles deep. He only needed Daddy’s friends money to keep him going – his own competitive nature kept him going on the campaign trail.
Newt, OTOH, isn’t nearly as competitive and isn’t very good at campaigning. That’s why he’ll never be President. That and he’s one of those people who the more you get to know, the less you like him. And people have known him for two decades at this point.
Sarah Palin is similar, except that I guarantee that if the Republican front-runner asked her to be his VP she’d be there in a heartbeat. I’m not concerned about Palin winning in Iowa or New Hampshire, but I am concerned that she’d make a decent showing in SC and end up on the VP ticket again. Where she can live the high life, stay in the public eye, and guarantee herself another four years on the Wingnut Welfare circuit. Newt won’t play second fiddle to anyone – his ego just won’t let him, and it’s not like he brings a lot of supporters or anything to the table.
kommrade reproductive vigor
@Zifnab: This. Also2.
Perhaps one day there’ll be such a huge glut of former fReichtard pols that they’ll have to fight for the pundit/book writing gigs.
With chain saws and flechette guns.
Bob L
I would have to say the thought of a movie about Sarah Palin being sent back in time to save Ronald Regan from a robot assassin so the future won’t be ruled by Obama-bots is the most awesome thing I have heard all week.
I think Newt is more correctly described as the Rights best fantasists than their intellectual.
Mnemosyne
@NonyNony:
Yeah, my knee kinda jerked on the “W is lazy” thing and I ended up taking it back, because he does exert himself when he wants to. Like I said, in retrospect he was a very good campaigner. Karl Rove gets a lot of the credit as his evil genius, but W knew what he was doing and what notes he needed to hit in order to get elected.
NonyNony
@Mnemosyne:
I think the “W is lazy” thing is so easy to fall into, because it’s so clear that he is an incredibly lazy human being who likes to take the easy way out as often as possible. But really, that seems to only be the case for things he doesn’t like to do (i.e. governing). When it’s something he likes (campaigning, golf, “clearing brush”) he seems to throw himself into it with a fervor. Which is not really a surprising attitude for a child of the aristocracy, it’s just that it’s fairly rare for an American President to operate like that given that the job is pretty well known to be a demanding one and most aristocrats are smart enough to avoid it.
Karl Rove gets too much damn credit in my opinion. The man isn’t a genius – he’s just amoral and was willing to go lower and meaner than anyone before him was willing to go. W was a hard campaigner who wanted to win, and even with that he still only forced a tie and had rely on the SC to give him the Presidency. In ’04 W should have been a shoe-in – he was a War President and we historically do not throw out Presidents in the middle of a war. Kerry managed to make it close partly because W was lousy at governing but mostly because Rove is actually a bumble-fuckup extraordinaire who almost managed to blow W’s re-election. He’s cultivated a mystique of genius about him – mostly because reporters and Democrats aren’t willing to believe that W should get any credit for being a hard campaigner because the evidence says he’s kind of dumb and incredibly lazy. But W is really damn good at campaigning – it’s about the ONLY thing he’s actually ever been successful at in his entire life and he should get some credit for it.
ellaesther
legions of his self-perceived enemies
I don’t know, I have a feeling that he has legions of very real enemies. Sometimes paranoia is actually just perceptiveness.
Perhaps we can call them legions of self-IMPOSED enemies. There. Fixt!
4jkb4ia
A supplement to “99 Reasons Why Baseball Is Better Than Football” Boswell only said that baseball was better on radio.
(My husband refuses to go to Rams games anymore because of the obnoxious fans.)
MattR
@Mark S.: I just read that aloud to see if that would help it make any more sense, but no luck.
ellaesther
@joe from Lowell: I agree with you. Let’s not forget that he actually served in national office for more than two decades (as opposed to one stint as mayor & half a term in a governor’s mansion), and he has occasionally been very successful in using the political arena to push his agenda forward, a thing that Palin has never actually done.
He may ALSO be a hustler, etc, etc, but I certainly think that “politics” was his reason to be for a very long time.
ellaesther
@ellaesther: Actually, I rather proudly consider myself an enemy of Newt Gingrich. I mean, you know: toothless, clawless, and entirely useless, but still: An enemy.
Southern Beale
A Regnery sponsored book? Guess that means we’ll see it in the 99-cent bargain bin in a couple of months.
No one gives a crap about Newt Gingrich anymore.
Southern Beale
Speaking of Regnery, whatever happened to this lawsuit?
Bob L
@NonyNony: That’s a good point, Rove and the 2004 election was the first “good news for conservatives” moment. For as uninspiring as Kerry was he came within a hair’s breath of winning. A lot of conservatives told me in 2004 they were voting against Kerry as opposed to voting for Bush.
tony
That was sheer music to the ears in my head!
The Media Village Idiots’ current agitation about the crop of minor-league sociopaths, publicity-seekers, and narcissists perceived to be “presidential contenders in 2012” has Gingrich hustling to ensure that the Gingrich brand retains its high-value shelf space in the political Walmart that is the modern Wingnut Welfare Wurlitzer.
Wow, just wow.
THAT was magnificent!!!
BRAVO!
Svensker
@tony:
You got some other ears? Details and/or pics, please.
trollhattan
@NonyNony:
Lest we forget the irreplacable Molly Ivins, here’s a handy graf on Komrade Karl:
He requires a Bush or somebody in power to wind him up and turn him lose, but Karl being Karl is pretty convincing at the Evil genius (cap E, lower-case g) role.
Mark S.
@Southern Beale:
The authors lost.
ETA I would’ve found that a lot quicker but I kept thinking the publisher was called Regency instead of Regnery or whatever it is.
Alex S.
@NonyNony:
I agree. John Kerry was not the best candidate (neither was G.W.Bush, of course), but his defeat wasn’t nearly as big as it is said to be. In fact, it was pretty damn close and Bush might have won only by the benefit of the doubt, and then the doubt got justified in 2005. Also, the republican congressional majorities were not exactly impressive. The Senate was basically tied 2000-2002. The House wasn’t that much different, and Nancy Pelosi’s majority from 2006-2008 was bigger than anything the Republicans could achieve.
El Tiburon
Your Republican party in a nutshell.
Of course the MSM will dutifully print and repeat every word he utters or tweets.
Keith G
Seems there might be a settlement in the Rangel case.
Rangel may be admitting to facts that are very unpleasant.
http://crooksandliars.com/karoli/house-ethics-committee-reaches-deal-charles
Mark S.
@Alex S.:
The GOP has some serious problems electorally. Basically, they have to win both Ohio and Florida or they have no chance. They are not competitive in the Northeast or on the West Coast. As I said on an earlier thread today, if the Dems can mobilize Latino voters in Texas it will be all over for the GOP.
4jkb4ia
If I have to write something about Newt, I would take off from my dad’s remark during the primary that in an election about change, the Clintons represent the past. If the Republicans want to make the 2012 election about change Newt represents the past and the model for most of the very unpopular Republicans in Congress. If the Republicans in Congress can get more popularity maybe they can take a chance on Newt.
Alex S.
@Mark S.:
Yes, after Texas it’s over. I’ve been wondering if the GOP moves towards the center or keeps on digging. And when I hear that Lindsey Graham is proposing to change the birthright citizenship I know the answer. The next step would be to prohibit non-whites from voting.
SiubhanDuinne
“Monitory”?? Does he mean “manditory” or “monetary”? And if we knew *which* he meant, would we, could we even know *what* he meant?!
SiubhanDuinne
Um, mandatory. Spellfail.
Mark S.
@Alex S.:
Oh, they’ll double and triple down. I know everyone got sick of the “epistemic closure” debate, but there was a helluva lot of truth to it. The goopers can’t see the writing on the wall because all they watch is Fox and Limbaugh. They’ll interpret every defeat as “Our candidates weren’t conservative enough.”
Suzan
Well, even though I’m sure someone has already addressed his “intellectual” status, I just wanted to say that in a self- and mis-educated country, he’s an easy sell as the product of 4th-rate educational institutions up to his Cheney-like admission to a real one where, of course, he copied someone else’s Ph.D. thesis and did very little required coursework, but who’s quibbling with success?
He’s actually the perfect next ‘thug candidate for Pres.
No one can argue with him logically as he has no idea how to reply with anything except word games and epithets.
Perfect for the MSM coverage the next election will supply before the crooked ‘thug vote counting.
And the Dims, not having demanded non-manipulable voting means surely are looking forward to the results.
Suzan
Gingrich hustling to ensure that the Gingrich brand retains its high-value shelf space in the political Walmart that is the modern Wingnut Welfare Wurlitzer.