In Retrospect It Was a Bad Idea

The dogs were driving me crazy and I couldn’t get any work done as apparently three walks before ten am is not enough, so I took them to the park to run. And they ran about 200 yards away from me, and Lily promptly spent the next minute and a half rolling in something. This picture can not describe the stench, but if I had to guess what it was, I would guess the rotting rancid remains of Satan’s bowels:

More below the fold:

Which meant it was bathtime:

Quick- flee while he takes pictures:

The finished product:

She ruined her pretty collar- I doubt it will ever be the same. I can’t tell you how much fun it is digging dead shit out of your dog’s ear.

Never a dull moment.






106 replies
  1. 1
    Comrade Mary says:

    Given that Lily is essentially an angel made of sweetness and light [1], she’s doing the universe a favour by applying her essence to her complete opposite. Imagine how the remaining dead shit in the park is grumbling and complaining now.

    [1] With an occasional layer of dead shit.

  2. 2
    Chat Noir says:

    LOL. Lily cranks the cute factor to eleventy billion. And the alt-text captions are priceless.

    These dog (and cat) posts are the only salve for my bruised and depressed psyche because of the Age of Stupid that is 2010 in America.

  3. 3
    SIA says:

    rotting rancid remains of Satan’s bowels

    Oooohh. Well done.

  4. 4
    beltane says:

    Lily looks sad that you washed the sweet perfume of rotting skunk carcass off of her. Dogs love stench; they cannot understand why we don’t also love it.

  5. 5
    LarsThorwald says:

    As a new dog owner, I just had my first experience of being yanked from sleep at 3:43 a.m. to the sound of something like a toneless bagpipe being squeezed in a baby pool full of wet oatmeal.

    I note for the record that whoever did the sound effects for Christmas Vacation deserved an Oscar, because when Cousin Eddie’s dog, Snots, was barfing up the chicken bone? Yeah, it really sounds like that.

  6. 6
    BenA says:

    It’s times like these that I feel the need to channel Nelson Muntz….

    8-)

  7. 7
    enplaned says:

    What with this and the vivid descriptions of stepping in dog vomit as you exit bed, you are one of the worst dog propagandists on the web.

  8. 8

    But what about Rosie?!? Doesn’t she love eau de rotting carcass, too? Or is she, surprisingly, more refined than Lily?

  9. 9
    Cap'n Phealy says:

    Don’t even pretend to think that this makes you love her even one iota less, Cole. You’d only be coming close to fooling yourself, if that.

  10. 10
    jrg says:

    Oh, to be a dog… The best things in life really are free. Like feces, rotting animal carcasses, and the exhilarating stench of your neighbor’s anus.

  11. 11
    Rick Massimo says:

    Alternate post title: Mistakes Were Made.

  12. 12

    I would guess the rotting rancid remains of Satan’s bowels:

    Also known as the blogosphere.

  13. 13
    debit says:

    And so who is the good girl this time? It’s Rosie!

  14. 14
    elmo says:

    When I lived in snow country, I once had the pleasure of finding my German Shepherd with a mouthful of something that had apparently died in November, been buried in snow, and had only recently emerged from the snowpack in June.

    It was an undifferentiated mass of green ooze and tufted fur. He was delighted, and danced over to me shaking it so hard that fuzzy green blobs would fly off. The smell was indescribable. And I had to get it from him before he took it into the house.

    I will never, ever forget the slick, sliding feeling of that thing between my finger and thumb, or his disappointed face as I triple-bagged it. It took the rest of the day for my sinuses to recover.

  15. 15
    Hob says:

    Well, that’s what you get for taking them to the Satan park. Satan owners are an inconsiderate lot and rarely pick up the messes their Satans leave.

  16. 16
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Rick Massimo: Heh
    “No one could have predicted…”

  17. 17
    Montysano says:

    Years ago, we discovered that one of our neighbors (who raised hogs) was pumping out his manure and dumping it in a remote ravine near our house, where rains had created a little pond. How did we discover this? My sister’s beagle went in for a swim. So… I feel your pain.

  18. 18
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Who’s a smelly, stinky baby puppy? Yes you are YES YOU ARE YES YOU ARE!

  19. 19
    Jules says:

    One time we took our Molly Dog to my in-laws farm and the first thing she did was go roll in the cow shit.
    She did this 3 times during the trip.
    She never got to go on a trip again.

    I loved that dog…..

  20. 20
    Ash Can says:

    Maybe Lily just wanted a brand new collar, and saw this as the perfect opportunity to ditch the old one. :)

  21. 21
    JCT says:

    We have two dogs, a “real” beagle and a beagle mix. In most cases the real beagle is the naughty one. Except for one – rolling in disgusting crap. Her faux beagle sister is the queen of crap rolling.

    I feel your pain, John – our old cast iron tub for beagle scrubbing is in the attic. Quite a disguting task to get her up there and in the summer heat and humidity the stench is awe-inspiring. And Shadow gives us the same “wow, that was a great roll in the grass” look as the smell surrounds her like Pigpen’s cloud. Gak.

  22. 22
    Punchy says:

    My dogs have never rolled in anything, ever. I feel blessed.

  23. 23
    Rosalita says:

    my how time flies, I remember last summer’s “rolling around in dead shit” posts

  24. 24
    Maude says:

    From the tilt of her ears, Lily had a very good time.

  25. 25
    WereBear says:

    Dogs do this for the same reason cats clean themselves. They want to sneak up on prey.

    However, cats (possibly from their desert ancestors) have chosen the “clean off all scents” version, since they would not get many gooshy carcasses to roll in.

    Dogs, on the considerable, whitegloved, other hand, do get gooshy carcasses to roll in, as their prey does not notice rotting meat sneaking up on them.

    And there you have it.

    If this is an open thread (since there is a dog on top, I’m assuming so…) any reccs for a Bluetooth keyboard for my iPod Touch? Thoughts?

    Side note: so I’m insane? This is what the partner unit will say. As in, “You have a perfectly good laptop, etc.”

  26. 26
    Violet says:

    Sorry you had to deal with that John, but these photos made my day. Lily has that vaguely guilty, but “why are you punishing me?” look down cold. Poor doggie. Heh.

    I’m completely envious of your laundry tub! That thing is awesome. I covet it.

  27. 27
    twiffer says:

    i recall my parents old poodle being quite excited at something under the pool deck (this was a few years back). turns out it was a dead and rotting skunk. a big fucking skunk. upon returning from running an errand i found out i was delegated to rotting skunk removal.

    the english language is incapable of describing just how foul and acrid the stench was. we wound up having to throw out the entire garbage can it was tossed into. at least the dog didn’t roll in it though.

  28. 28
    Comrade Mary says:

    Thermonuclear cute from Russia!

    (I wonder if they roll in dead shit?)

  29. 29
    harlana says:

    I too covet the laundry tub. Can you imagine if you’d had to do that in your bathtub? I guess you can always find a bright side. I love these posts, thanks so much for sharing even the stinkiest, most rancid adventures of our beloved BJ mascot.

  30. 30
    swalker says:

    Don’t know what her collar’s made of, but when my lab rolls in Satan’s bowels I pop her collar into the washing machine and after air-drying it’s good as new.

  31. 31
    Bhall35 says:

    John, I sent this to your email, but it seems appropriate here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I69GmDHKvI

    Lilly with 2 “L”s, but still. Apologies if this has been posted elsewhere on BJ.

  32. 32
    Mnemosyne says:

    @LarsThorwald:

    There’s an old Nicole Hollander cartoon where she touts a new alarm clock that’s guaranteed to have you up and out of bed in seconds: “Sounds of Two Cats Upchucking.”

  33. 33
    WereBear says:

    @Mnemosyne: We have a humidifier for winter that makes that exact sound. I had to train my ears to tell the difference.

  34. 34
    adolphus says:

    Speaking of Satan’s bowels. Our cat is currently at the vet getting a sulfur/lime dip. The burnt/methane smell lasts for weeks and once it dries it doesn’t wash off. Hope your dog or cat never needs one.

  35. 35
    Allan says:

    I think those were the remains of commenter madmatt from the “What have the Romans done for us?” thread.

    In our defense, he compared HCR to rape.

  36. 36
    JKC says:

    Reminds me of my boyhood dog. Almost every weekend during the summer we went to the family camp on a lake in the Adirondacks, and on the last day of the weekend the dog would invariably find something dead to roll in. Made for a long trip home!

  37. 37
    Steeplejack says:

    @WereBear:

    I, for one, will be interested to hear what recommendations you get. I am about to upgrade (probably to a Droid Incredible), and I have been thinking that it might be just smarty-phone enough to warrant a Bluetooth keyboard for trips (rather than taking the laptop).

  38. 38
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    This picture can not describe the stench, but if I had to guess what it was, I would guess the rotting rancid remains of Satan’s bowels

    And once again Balloon-Juice stops me from killing everyone in my office for incompetence. Good job, John.

    That Lily is too cute for words.

  39. 39
    Max says:

    The last couple of dog posts have made me appreciate Max the Wheaten.

    1. He never wakes me up in the morning to go outside and is content with waiting until I get up, even if it’s 9am.

    2. He’s not a roller in stink. However, he’s never met a mud puddle he didn’t like, which, as he’s a long-haired dog, can be a pain, but at least it’s not smelly.

    Related, my sisters two dogs recently got skunked and that de-odorizing process did not sound like fun, at all.

    Lily is such a sweetheart.

  40. 40
    JoeT63 says:

    I’m confused about the whole ‘rotting rancid remains of Satan’s bowels’. Please ‘splain how exactly did Lily roll around in Rush Limbaugh?

    Thank you! Thank you! Try the veal!!

  41. 41
    Chat Noir says:

    @Max: Danny the Wheaten is like Max the Wheaten on item #1. Item #2, he’s a little different. He doesn’t care to go out when it’s wet or rainy. However, if there’s snow, he romps like a puppy, so much so, that this past winter, he pulled something in one of his hind legs while jumping over a snowdrift.

  42. 42
    QuaintIrene says:

    Remember the time my Clemmie got zapped by a skunk. Managed to get her pretty well cleaned up so was surprised when the next day she came in reeking again. She’d been happily rolling in the grass where the dead skunk had been lying. So, how is skunk juice supposed to be a deterent? Didn’t stop Clemmie from dispatching him. And she obviously considered the stink her personal Chanel No. 5.

    Those expressions on Lily’s face are priceless. And love the tucked-under tail.

  43. 43
    HyperIon says:

    This is why I have a cat.

  44. 44
    licensed to kill time says:

    Lily looks like my dog used to look during her baths. First guilty, then defeated and miserable, then happy as a clam when it’s FINALLY OVER!

    I took her with me to the East Coast to live for a while, and she discovered something new and wonderful to her….rotting deer carcasses, left over from hunting season. She would expend considerable energy dragging them to our house and depositing them on the front lawn, and always looked so perplexed that our reaction was one of horror and disgust instead of joy and approval. I think she expected us to get down and roll in them with her because it was obviously so delightful! Share the wealth! My dog was obviously a commie.

  45. 45
    cckids says:

    Lily is too adorable. My parents used to have a poodle who would escape once or twice a year & find some incredibly foul whatever to roll in. Good memories.

  46. 46
    Mike in NC says:

    the rotting rancid remains of Satan’s bowels

    AKA Newt Gingrich

  47. 47
    DaddyJ says:

    @harlana:
    @Violet:

    Don’t be too jealous: I got a double sink version of one of those old laundry tubs: it’s made of concrete with a steel lip and is so heavy it’s slowly crushing the rusted steel stand it sits on. Someday I’ll need a crane to get it out of my basement. Or John Henry and a bucket.

  48. 48
    lawnorder says:

    Must be dogs with name starting with L. My Lulu is addicted to skunk and manages to get sprayed 3-4 times every summer.

    John, next trip to the Wal-mart, buy 1 bottle of peroxide, 1 box of baking powder and some dish detergent “gentle on hands”, you are going to need it when Lily and Rosy discover skunks are fun.

    The de-skunking remedy is good for “eau the dead shit” too.

    In a hurry, you can use weak oxy-clean/water mixture, but keep it away from your dog’s face and sensitive areas.

    Peroxide might die your dogs fur blondish/reddish :p Oxy clean will make it very frizzy and might discolor it a bit too

    Oxyclean is perfect to wash the collar though.

  49. 49
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    Okay, I know this is probably the wrong place to even bring this up, so don’t flame me, but on the US Weekly cover of Bristol and Levi – baby Trig is completely and utterly adorable.

    Too bad about his gene pool, though.

  50. 50
    Max says:

    @Chat Noir: Bless our Wheatens for letting us sleep.

    Max loves the snow too. He especially likes to stick his head directly into a snowbank.

    :)

  51. 51
    Allan says:

    @TaMara (BHF): Andrew Sullivan asks that you get the facts straight.

    Trig is Bristol’s firstborn. The baby pictured with Bristol and Levi is her second child, Tripp.

  52. 52
    PTirebiter says:

    If it hasn’t been mentioned, straight tomato juice is a good starter bath. Completely safe and gets the worst of it.

  53. 53
    Comrade Darkness says:

    So, what is the reasoning behind this behavior? Is it only small dog behavior as in: let me smell so bad no larger dog with a working nose wouldn’t think of eating me?

  54. 54
    schrodinger's cat says:

    @adolphus: What happened? Do tell us about your kitteh’s adventure?

  55. 55
    merrinc says:

    I don’t think of myself as a stupid person but apparently I was wrong. I’ve tried six times over two days to post a comment containing a link to my Shutterfly album. What has happened to those posts, I have no idea.

    And while I threaten to get a lobotomy every time my husband talks me into watching the NBC Nightly News, I haven’t followed through so this simple act should be well within my capabilities.

    I’ve tried using tags, not using tags, and including the link with my name. None have worked. Each post just totally fucking DISAPPEARS.

    I just want to share pics of the World’s Cutest Kitteh. I’m not asking for world peace or the head of Rahm Emanuel but if someone could share the secret for posting a link, I would appreciate it.

  56. 56
    Comrade Darkness says:

    Wait, I see werebear already explained it. Thanks.

    Sort of poetic. Hm, small ground mammal says, I smell rotting meat . . . (Audience yells: It’s foreshadowing, stupid, look behind you!)

  57. 57
    QuaintIrene says:

    t hasn’t been mentioned, straight tomato juice is a good start

    My vet recommended Massingil Douche. Seriously.

  58. 58
    Comrade Darkness says:

    @merrinc: unless the link is very long, try replacing the . with “dot” and leaving off the http:// all together.

    So, I might say. Hey, look at this great t-shirt:

    notjesusfault dot com/t-shirts dot html

    That will throw off the spam blocker and a human can deal as needed.

  59. 59
    tim says:

    The Cole family sisters need training and discipline badly. It is clear who is running the asylum.

    Most of these zany dog problem posts are ennabled by JC’s codependent, no-boundaries style of pet management, and are completely avoidable.

    Sorry, but it is so.

  60. 60
    PTirebiter says:

    @QuaintIrene: What are the odds? I got the tomato juice remedy from a gynecologist.
    Okay, I made that up but I’ll remember the Massingale trick. We live in a very rural area and our mutts really know how to bring the stink.

  61. 61
    wes g says:

    that is an adorable dog. and stinky too.

  62. 62
    Ash Can says:

    @tim: Oh, blow it out your ear.

  63. 63
    comrade scott's agenda of rage says:

    Some things are universal.

    Our old 3-legged dog always wants to roll in the dead remains of something. A few years back, he did that during the day. We were leaving on a 3-day trip so while we were taking him to be boarded, I had one arm around him, hugging him and steadying him in the car (70 pound dog on 3 legs ain’t stable on a moving platform).

    Get in the car after dropping him off and begin to wonder what the dead fish stink was on one half of my body. That’s when my wife informed me about the rolling incident earlier in the day.

    Didn’t bother her because she fell of a horse in 2000 and hit her head so hard she spent 2 days in the hospital and a week recovering at home. The knock on the head eliminated her sense of smell.

  64. 64
    Svensker says:

    @tim:

    May I just ask why, if you find John so annoying, his politics so revolting, and his personal life so repugnant, you persist in hanging about? I’m not understanding what’s in it for you.

  65. 65
    Atlliberal says:

    My dog loves to do this too. there is nothing cuter than when you look at her after she has gotten all stinky and she puts her ears back and slinks away because she knows what’s coming next and she just couldn’t help herself. She had to do it. Sort of like if you leave her alone with the litter box. (tootsie rolls!) She knows you don’t like it, but she has to do it anyway.

    Now the cats are helping her out. They’ve started leaving some of their murder victims in the yard for Lucky to find instead of bringing them in the house for my husband to deal with. (I handle all the live ones)

    Cute pictures. It made me laugh because Lucky got three baths last week.

  66. 66
    Rosalita says:

    @Svensker:

    seconded… I think I’ve asked that question before and got labeled a sycophant

  67. 67
    muddy says:

    @lawnorder:
    I also keep on hand the anti-skunk kit. I keep all the ingredients (unmixed of course) in a gallon ziplock under the sink in the bathroom where it is instantly to hand.

    Once my dogs got into it with a skunk inside our fenced yard (stupid skunk), and in hysterical joy and excitement barged past me at the door way (85# pit mixes) and then ran about both upstairs and downstairs rubbing it all over anything at their shoulder height. And of course the floor. It was a thick oily black goo. Laughing merrily as they went. I thought of shooting them but that would be an even bigger mess. It’s hard to bathe them as I have no laundry tub and they would not fit anyway. In the regular tub they press against the far wall to escape the dreaded shower hose of doom. I did a medium-fair job.

    The next day I made an appointment for them both to go to “dog spa”, the groomers at PetSmart. Other groomers in my area will not take them due to dog racism. Of course they love getting a bath at dog spa. I peek in the window and the dogs are completely cooperative. Jerks.

    When I came home I looked down to where the nocturnal activities had taken place before I let the dogs out. The skunk him?self was gone, but had left his tail behind like a gecko. Or like a pitbull yanked it off. It looked just like Andy Warhol’s hairpiece. I picked it up with tongs and tossed it over the fence and into the woods in the back to the property of the guy I don’t like. I wished afterward I had thought to take a photo of it.

    But seriously, *dog spa*. If it had not been 10pm I would have put trash bag tunics on them and gone instantly. It’s worth giving a huge tip.

  68. 68
    eemom says:

    @tim:

    Most of these zany dog problem posts assholic comments on dog posts are ennabled by JC’s codependent, no-boundaries style tolerant, no-banning style of of blog management, and are completely avoidable.

    Sorry, but it is so.

  69. 69
    tim says:

    @Ash Can:

    @tim: Oh, blow it out your ear.

    And in reply, my dear, blow it out your ass.

    That is all.

  70. 70
    tim says:

    @Svensker:

    @tim:

    May I just ask why, if you find John so annoying, his politics so revolting, and his personal life so repugnant, you persist in hanging about? I’m not understanding what’s in it for you.

    That’s a good question, though I’ve addressed it before: there is something in John’s crankiness that I find endearing somehow, and it is rewarding on occasion to read him when he spouts truths and acknowledges his past bogusness. I also suspect he is a closet case and I want to be around when he someday comes out.

    Plus, of course, it’s in his best interest that with all of you ass lickers around here full time, jostling to get your unholy tongues up his bung hole, someone be nearby to keep him just a tad honest and mindful of his past.

  71. 71
    tim says:

    @Rosalita:

    oh rosie, you ARE a sycophant. one of the most shameless.

  72. 72
    merrinc says:

    @Comrade Darkness:

    I appreciate the reply but I was really hoping to be able to post an actual link, one of those handy-dandy clickable thingies that make our online lives so easy to navigate. I’ve posted them in the past so maybe you’re right, a Shutterfly share link is being spam blocked. I’ll try again when I have the time to post pics to an alternative site.

  73. 73
    bfein says:

    One day, having sailed to the Vineyard with my two (large) Shepherds, we three went for a walk passing by a pig farm (this was a while ago), and pooches were so excited they broke from their leads, leaped into the muck and rolled around with a glee–a jouissance–that I had never seen, and never saw again. In my sandals, I waded in and managed to extract them–were they unhappy or what? And haul them back to … the boat, which was to take us home. This created a nightmare of smell, but also multiple handy hints from Locals, totally familiar with the phenomenon. Lifebuoy soap, I recall, mixed with hose water, taking about 17 hours, as I recall. ..

    The scent lingered–but so did the utter bliss of the guys in their roll.

  74. 74
    WereBear says:

    I’m reminded of the classic Far Side Cartoon, with dogs on a first date: “Oh, Ginger, you look stunning. And whatever you rolled in sure does stink.”

  75. 75
    bemused says:

    Been there more times than we can count. Rancid, reeking, rotten anything is dogs’ catnip.
    One dog was not allowed inside after a romp & roll in something fetid. We kept telling him, “No, you are not coming in when you stink like that”. After a couple of days, we saw him rubbing his neck, both sides, vigorously on the fresh green grass. Then he presented himself at the door as if to say, “See, me smell good now. Now I can come in pleez.”

  76. 76
    geg6 says:

    @Svensker:

    I’m starting to think it’s another DougJ spoof troll persona screwing with all of us.

    Just something too trollish and spoofy to be believed about the whole “tim” persona.

    Plus Doug hasn’t fucked with us all in ages. Perhaps he’s bored.

  77. 77
    DaddyJ says:

    @tim: Tasering, right? That’ll learn ’em!

  78. 78
    Steaming Pile says:

    @LarsThorwald: Dogs use odors for communication because they are pack animals. In other words, it is to their evolutionary advantage that they stink on purpose.

    With cats, it’s the opposite. They’re solitary hunters, so they seek to reduce their scent profile as much as possible. One of my cats has even taken to rolling around in the bare dirt in the backyard vegetable garden, enjoying it as much as Lily enjoys rolling in dead shit or whatever it was. I can only believe this is some form of scent camouflage – to smell like your environment.

  79. 79
    eco2geek says:

    Don’t feed the trolls give the trolls stinky stuff to roll around in.

  80. 80
    Ron says:

    I would guess the rotting rancid remains of Satan’s bowels

    It’s stuff like this that makes Balloon Juice home

  81. 81
    tim says:

    @DaddyJ:

    Tasering, right? That’ll learn ‘em!

    Hmmm…why would you make the leap that doggie training and discipline requires tasering? Mostly, it requires loving consistency and firmness.

  82. 82
    tim says:

    @eco2geek:

    I am going to take it as an honore that after years and years of posting here, I still get accused of being a troll.

    Think of me as a free spirit, a sprite, a twinkling corrective to the BJ Hive’s propensity toward group think and slavish, slobbering worship of all garden/pet posts.

    A twinkling sprite who lives under the bridge perhaps, but a sprite nonetheless…

  83. 83
    eemom says:

    @WereBear:

    I thought of that too!

    Oh, Far Side was AWESOME when it came to channeling doggie thoughts. A few other classics:

    1. The cartoon shows a doggie peeking out from behind a curtain at night as a huge hideous monster climbs in the window of the house. The doggie thinks: “Whooooa….! Maybe I’ll just pass on my usual barking frenzy.”

    2. Two guys on a ship are grinning down at a doggie alone in a lifeboat who is happily wagging his tail at them. One of them says, “Hey boy! How ya doin! Look at him, Dan — poor guy’s been floating around for days and he’s still just as fat and happy as ever” — and on the floor of the lifeboat you can see a hat, pair of glasses and a watch.

    3. WHAT WE CALL DOGS: Guy says to his neighbor, “This is Rex, our new dog.”
    WHAT THEY CALL THEMSELVES: Dog introduces himself to the neighbor’s dogs: “Hello. I am known as Xanthorg, Destroyer of Cats and Devourer of Chickens.”

    and best of all…..

    some tim-esque guy is training his doggie lovingly and consistently, telling him to roll over and play dead and brandishing a rolled up newspaper…..and the doggie is thinking “This is it. I’m going to kill him.”

  84. 84
    booda says:

    Lily’s thoughts in that last picture: “yyyeah, that was worth it. Suck it, two-legs!”

  85. 85
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @booda: Ditto this. I also think Miss Lily was a tad jealous that you bought Rosie some bling and she schemed to get some of her own.

    Regardless, she is a beautiful girl with such an angelic face. And, I love your alt-text, especially the last one.

  86. 86
    Comrade Mary says:

    @eemom: Oh, are we talking Far Side dog cartoons now? This one is still a favourite.

  87. 87
    Anne Laurie says:

    @merrinc:

    I just want to share pics of the World’s Cutest Kitteh. I’m not asking for world peace or the head of Rahm Emanuel but if someone could share the secret for posting a link, I would appreciate it.

    If you email the photo to me at the address near the top right-hand corner, I can post it at the top of an Open Thread.

    And then you can slide down a bit, click on the Balloon Juice Lexicon (A-H), and check the meaning of FYWP.

    (While we’re over there, speaking of lingering stenches, readers who scroll down to the Lexicon entry for Pie will find a remedy for persistent trolls.)

  88. 88

    I was going to say (sympathetically), “Dang! Tough shit, John.” But then, rolling around in “tough” shit is obviously preferable to the “loose runny shit” that Lily sees as Chanel #5.
    I also had a dog that did this. His fave scent was rotting animal/roadkill/dead rat (good ol’ Aloysius! Damn, I miss that dog!)
    Anyone know why they do this? My guess is that they want to disguise their scent to disguise themselves from other dogs, but that’s just speculation.

  89. 89
    eemom says:

    The interesting thing about the dead-shit-roll is that not all dogs do it. Most dogs do most other dog stuff.

  90. 90
    Bruce Webb says:

    @Steeplejack: Menotek waterproof flexible keyboard. Rolls up, cheap, easily recognized and pre-emps on screen keyboard. Best of all free to me. But then my brother paid for it in exchange for good advice on a Ram upgrade.

    I don’t know that it would survive a de-stinkifying section, but its only exposed opening is a mini-usb port so I am thinking so.

  91. 91
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @geg6:

    Plus Doug hasn’t fucked with us all in ages. Perhaps he’s bored.

    Was I totally dreaming, or did I really see a post from Brick Oven Bill in the last day or two?

  92. 92
    Judi says:

    @Chat Noir: I couldn’t have said it better. Like Lily I need a bath every time I watch the mainstream news and all the crap that is being spewed..

  93. 93
    Hob says:

    @Svensker: I believe Tim actually stated a while back – in the process of congratulating some other drive-by asshole on having gotten a rise out of people here – that he just liked being able to get a rise out of people here, and that that proved something about his bold rebel nature. In other words, he’s trolling. And I kind of doubt that he’s a DougJ spoof, just because he’s been fairly personally vicious at times in a non-political way. And now let’s not give Mr. Pie-man another thought.

  94. 94
    Hob says:

    Speaking of annoying people, I just got the “you have to show your dog who’s boss” speech from one of those perpetually cheerful passive-aggressive dog owners in the park, as I was in the process of giving mega-pup a time-out for barking too much and herding a dog that wasn’t in the mood to be herded. About the barking, he said with a big smile, “We come to [this crowded dog park] for peace and quiet– not the opposite.” I feel a little proud of having responded fairly politely, but grrr.

    I mean on the one hand it would be very nice if my 2-year-old shepherd were a Zen master, and I sure do have a lot to learn about training. On the other hand, not only did the guy talk to me like maybe I had never seen a dog before in my life, but also he tried to give me the “alpha roll” story (“did you ever hear of those monks who discovered…” etc.) which every dog trainer I’ve known says is total bullshit. (And even when I didn’t know any trainers, just based on observing dogs, that always sounded really fishy to me. I mean, they do roll over when they’re surrendering… but that’s something they do on their own; I’ve never seen a dog push another dog over on its back and hold it down to make it surrender. Elmo, am I totally off base?)

    BTW this guy’s own dog was perfectly nice, very small, and, once he established that his frisbee was secure, paid no attention to my spaz-dog at all.

  95. 95
    Cara says:

    Monday night one of my cocker spaniels decided that the salmon patties lying on the table were for HIS enjoyment and ate them-styrofoam, plastic and all. My husband called to tell me this news about 20 minutes before I got home. Once home I found Harvey looking a little green around the gills and not mush interested in his dinner. So he enjoyed a hydrogen peroxide after dinner cocktail and a constitutional around the yard while I followed with the pooper scooper to retrieve the salmon patties. In retrospect I think he rather regretted pilfering our dinner, LOL!!!

  96. 96
    tim says:

    @Hob:

    : I believe Tim actually stated a while back – in the process of congratulating some other drive-by asshole on having gotten a rise out of people here – that he just liked being able to get a rise out of people here, and that that proved something about his bold rebel nature. In other words, he’s trolling. And I kind of doubt that he’s a DougJ spoof, just because he’s been fairly personally vicious at times in a non-political way. And now let’s not give Mr. Pie-man another thought.

    Idiot. I’ve been posting here for years. I am a resident asshole, NOT a drive by, thank you very much.

    And of course, your paraphrase completely misquotes me, but if that’s what you need to do to assuage your weak bullshit, by all means…

    and, OMG, no one gets more personally vicious than the chorus of BJ Sycophant Regulars.

  97. 97
    TrishB says:

    @Hob: My mini schnauzer has put my roommate’s chihuahua mix on it’s back multiple times over 4 years, usually by splaying out and throwing all his weight on the chi. The chi thinks he’s a total alpha (never had ANY training) and my schnauzer’s what I call the omega dog. Last time they had a set to, it was set off by Tramp going to the water bowl. The chi growled and snapped. Tramp had him down, and the next thing I knew, the chi was getting out of the water bowl.

  98. 98
    Frank L says:

    Regarding “Tim”, it brings to mind the Monty Python sketch where they were trying to come up for an insulting name for Belgians, and one entry was “Let’s not call them anything, let’s just ignore them” I think that applies to him.

  99. 99
    frosty says:

    @PTirebiter: And if it’s late at night and all the grocery stores are closed, you can have your spouse run out to the liquor store and get a bottle of bloody mary mix. That’ll work just as well.

  100. 100
    Hob says:

    @TrishB: Mini schnauzer on chihuahua action! Hee hee– I’m imagining that with a voiceover by the guy who used to do commercials for events at the Buck Tractor Pull (now apparently known as the Buck Motorsports Park): “SEE! … the MONster TRUCKS! … BATTLE it OUT!”

  101. 101
    Steeplejack says:

    @merrinc:

    Helpful example (I hope):

    1. Capture the Web page address that you want to put in your message. Best way to do this is to go to your desired page and copy the actual text in the address field.

    2. Back at Balloon Juice, write a comment that contains some text describing the page you want to point to.

    3. Highlight the descriptive text (in the above example, “some text describing the page”).

    4. In the ensuing pop-up box, copy the address of your desired page into the “Enter the URL” field and press OK.

    What you will end up with in your message is a text block of the following form (for the example above, which depicts Ceiling Cat gazing upon her creation):


    &#060a href="http://gingersnaps.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/cieling_cat_creates.jpg"&#062some text describing the page&#060/a#062

    Note: There are two common mistakes in entering the hyperlink address:

    (a) Typing in the desired address (usually manually) so that there are two occurrences of “http://”. Not good.

    (b) Not having any occurrences of “http://”. Also not good.

    WordPress wants to see a full Internet address of the form “http://www.thepageyouwant.com”.

    “www.thepageyouwant.com” will not cut it.

    Hope this helps. Waiting with bated breath for picture(s) of your kitteh.

  102. 102
    Steeplejack says:

    @Steeplejack:

    FYWP.

    The code snippet in the above should look like this:

    &#060a href=”http://gingersnaps.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/cieling_cat_creates.jpg”&#062some text describing the page&#060/a&#062

  103. 103
    Steeplejack says:

    @Bruce Webb:

    Thanks for the tip. Will check it out.

  104. 104
    Steeplejack says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Yeah, you did, although I think it was not the real BOB but someone using the name to scare us. The tone didn’t sound quite right.

  105. 105
    Steeplejack says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    By the way, for you and the other Atlanta people here, I saw this cookbook at the store the other day: Mary Mac’s Tea Room, by John Ferrell.

    Don’t know how long you have lived in Atlanta, or if you’ve ever eaten at Mary Mac’s, but the book is a nice combination of history, anecdotes and recipes. My girlfriend and I used to eat there a lot in the ’80s and early ’90s. Very good Southern cooking.

  106. 106
    Paul in KY says:

    @Steaming Pile: I think it’s more an anti-flea remedy, as the dust will clog up the pores fleas use to breath with.

    If not, then your conjecture is probably spot on.

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