Fish gotta swim

This is awesome (h/t Mike Kay):

Republicans were very pleased with their technological sophistication as they introduced the Web site, America Speaking Out a ceremony at the Newseum. Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), who created the program, said that to get software for the site, “I personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon.”

Using lunar software is appropriate, because the early responses to the Republicans’ request for ideas are pretty far out:

“End Child Labor Laws,” suggests one helpful participant. “We coddle children too much. They need to spend their youth in the factories.”

“How about if Congress actually do thier job and VET or Usurper in Chief, Obama is NOT a Natural Born Citizen in any way,” recommends another. “That fake so called birth certificate is useless.”

“A ‘teacher’ told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish!” a third complains. “And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.”

My favorite by far is the fish thing.

I just signed up for an account.

Update. More gold standardism than I would have expected. I don’t think these are all spoofs.

Update. In honor of the late, great blogs4brownback, I’m promoting this one.

Update. They seem to have deleted most of the ideas. Sad.

Update. It’s back up with all the ideas and responses intact.






268 replies
  1. 1
    Steve says:

    But which are spoofs and which are the real thing? Offhand, I would say 1 and 3 are spoofs and 2 is real. But if I’m wrong about one of them it would be 3.

  2. 2
    Glenn says:

    Dear God, please tell me the fish one is a joke.

  3. 3
    Zifnab says:

    I wonder if we can get a solid wave of “Repeal the 17th Amendment” comments going?

  4. 4
    Calouste says:

    @Steve:

    I think you are correct. 1 and 3 are without spelling mistakes whereas 2 has two, besides some rather autrocious grammar.

  5. 5
    Warren Terra says:

    I rather admired this comment by “Jake” at Crooked Timber monday, which I offer as a suitable (and Rand-Paul-relevant) template:

    Racial discrimination is not good for businesses. Any business that does not discriminate exhibit better profits than racist businesses. The removal of Jim Crow laws and the privatization of institutions would result in the end of racial discrimination through the free market. Read Chapter 7 in ‘Capitalism and Freedom’ by Milton Friedman. Change can and should happen on state and local levels without unconstitutional expansion of government power, as what happened with the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

    The great thing about the comment is that it’s not actually clear whether it’s a spoof or it actually came from a willfully ignorant Glibertarian – heaven knows, I’ve seen sincere comments from Glibertarians that, if taken seriously, would prove that racism could never have happened, because it’s so inefficient.

  6. 6
    ArchPundit says:

    It’s great performance art–which is real and which is a spoof.

  7. 7
    MikeJ says:

    @Zifnab: There’s already a suggestion to repeal all the amendments.

  8. 8
    El Cid says:

    All right. Which one of you wise guys…

  9. 9
    Jeff says:

    End the 40 hour work week– there’s 136 non-productive hours we could be working— who needs sleep anyway!

  10. 10
    Face says:

    They had to use NASA-esque software TO RUN A FUCKING BLOG?

    Yowsers.

  11. 11
    cleek says:

    the GOP is the Party Of Ideas, after all!

    and these are some wonderful ideas.

  12. 12
    El Cid says:

    I think if Mr. Pointy Head Isaac Newton knew anything about what he was talking about he wouldn’t have invented gravity in the first place and we would all be able to fly everywhere.

  13. 13
    Montysano says:

    No Democrat coins. Replace FDR on the dime with Reagan. Replace JFK on the 50 cent piece with Martin Luther King (Republican). Also replace Grant on the $50 bill with Reagan. Get rid of the Susan B Anthony and Sacagawea coins (deficit reduction).

    Spoof? Not a spoof? Impossible to know.

  14. 14
    Urza says:

    Wait, how many people thought DougJ was responsible for half of those comments. But no, he just signed up so who among us was actually doing it?

    Laugh all you want, but there are plenty of right wingers who could be led with little effort to saying we should put kids to work in factories to build character and get them to turn down the loud music, also too, getting them off the lawn. These are the same people not more than 1 generation removed from being saved from that life in the factory or coal mine.

    Do any lessons of our nation ever stick? Or do we just recycle them all a generation or two later, possibly with the same actors playing the same parts.

  15. 15
    dmsilev says:

    Someone should echo all the entries from that site and run a “spoof or real” vote on them. For instance, in the ‘Strengthening Families’ section of ‘American Values’:

    The Republican Party should propose a “Family Re-education Act” that would require all non-Christians to learn how to be good parents. If you don’t attend the class, your children will be taken away and fostered by a strong Christian conservative family.

    Or, in ‘Liberty and Freedom’:

    If we could only just arrest people first then ask questions and talk about ‘freedom’ later we’d be a much safer and more secure society. I say arrest everyone, check them out and then let the safe ones go. If they seem dangerous then lock them up or transport them to a place from which they cannot escape. Like the bottom of the sea.

    For ‘Ethics’,

    As a matter of ethics, we should ban sarah palin from ever being allowed to run for any public office, EVER! She’s a tax evader, a liar, a pillar of misinformation, a horrible mother, and a media grabbing, greedy, religious zealot, with ties to extremist groups such as Prayer Warriors. Her input into any political issue is only based on her self-serving agenda. Baggers, birthers and all other fanatics need to stop paying her to flap her ugly jaws. Then, maybe she’d go home to her poor feral children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sure, the last one is pretty obvious, but I do like the burst of honesty.

    dms

  16. 16
    Ed Drone says:

    @ArchPundit:

    Ah, yes — “great tasting” vs. “less filling!” Or, to cite an older example of the art of advertising, “It’s a breath mint! It’s a candy mint!”

    So it’s a Bud Lite / Certs website. Now if only we could get the California Raisins involved!

    Ed

  17. 17
    Madeline says:

    The Web site not only “has cutting-edge technology,” asserted Rep. Peter Roskam (Ill.), “but a winsome design that is easy for people to interact with.”

    Winsome design? Really?

  18. 18
    dmsilev says:

    Mwahahahahaha:

    Fire Michael Steele to save the GOP. I can get 80% GOP elected in Congress. Steele is way too devisive. This Nov 2010, we will lose big time with Steele heading the GOP. His comments are often hurtful, not helpful.

    Poor Michael Steele, can’t get any love.

    dms

  19. 19
    Calouste says:

    @Warren Terra:

    Any business that does not discriminate exhibit better profits than racist businesses.

    That is a stupid statement even for libertarians. If most of the local market consists of racists, a restaurant or nightclub that discrimates will do far better than one that lets “those other people” in. Expensive restaurants or nightclubs in general run on the “quality” of the clientele as much as they do on the quality of the food or entertainment.

  20. 20
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    HOw long before we see signs in store windows “Ameros NOT accepted here!”

    Personally, I could see #3 being real. I suspect there’s some passage in Genesis that trumps all the nonsense about live birth and lungs and warm blood

  21. 21
    FlipYrWhig says:

    @Madeline: Is “winsome” the way Republican Congressmen try to say “full of WIN”?

  22. 22
    jl says:

    @El Cid: That is a good lead in for a suggestion to reduce the deficit by eliminating funding for higher education and university research. Those wasteful boondoggles clearly reduce the standard of living, as demonstrated by that egghead Newton’s harmful invention of gravity. Some one should submit that one.

    I’ll try to open an account and submit it, if no one is brave and honest enough to speak truth to egghead power.

  23. 23
    SpotWeld says:

    Wow… the GOP just volunteered to drink from the fire hose of the crazy.

  24. 24
    Steve says:

    @Madeline:

    Winsome design? Really?

    As DougJ has demonstrated, there is definitely some win on this website.

  25. 25
    MikeJ says:

    @Madeline: You know that song Lovely from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum ?

    Winsome,
    What I am is winsome,
    Radiant as in some
    Dream come true.

    All that springs to mind when I hear “winsome”.

  26. 26
    Jim C. says:

    Man…that just made my day. I love the fact that oil spills are making dolphins faster and therefore making…faster “fish”.

  27. 27
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Madeline:

    Winsome design?

    is that like fey creation science?

  28. 28
    b-psycho says:

    If anyone sees one by “BlackPatriot”…

  29. 29
    Alex S. says:

    The child labor idea needs some more cultural resentment, like, “working in the factories makes them stop wearing sagging pants, or making rap music”

  30. 30
    dmsilev says:

    Win:

    I think AZ should deport all persons whose names end in a vowel. This will solve the immegration problem, and Sherrif Arpaio and Mike Pence can rest easy.

    (Double win because it was posted by ‘Gary Larson’)

    dms

  31. 31
    Citizen_X says:

    Hey, you winsome, you lose some.

    So, is this one spoof or real?

    English is are official langauge. Anybody who ain’t speak it the RIGHT way should kicked out.

    If spoof, the misspellings are teh awsome.

  32. 32
    trollhattan says:

    Lord. I give this thing 48 hours, tops. Let the fun begin!

  33. 33
    Martin says:

    Dougj – you must go in and spoof the gold standard people. China is the worlds largest gold producer. Clearly these people and gold proponents like Glenn Beck are agents of China to help move the US and other nations onto a gold standard which China will then manipulate for their own communist purposes.

    You need to offer up some other currency backing that the US controls. I’d blow the whole thing by going with frozen concentrated orange juice, but something more subtle should work. Offering up a depleted uranium-backed currency would be hilarious.

  34. 34
    Keith says:

    I’m in favor of a federal death penalty for the practicing of witchcraft. I’m also in favor of throwing people in large bodies of water to determine innocence/guilt rather than leave such matters in the hands of activist judges and liberal juries.

  35. 35
    cleek says:

    all of my ideas refuse to submit. they get flagged as “inappropriate” . even one as harmless as this:

    It would be nice if we could teach our children the right things. We should start by making Ayn Rands “The Fountainhead” require reading for all students. Because not only is she a great natural-born American writer, she wrote Atlas Hugged, which means she knows what it means to be an independent American producer and not a scab on American workers. Also.

    i screwed around with it a bit, but couldn’t find the key words that triggered the filter,

  36. 36
    MattR says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    How long before we see signs in store windows “Ameros NOT accepted here!”

    But what happens if Ameros are backed by gold and/or silver? The conundrum that would cause

    @SpotWeld: They found the marble in the oatmeal?

  37. 37
    Penon says:

    Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), who created the program, said that to get software for the site, “I personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon.”

    He traveled to the other side of the continent to discover a piece of software? That’s ironic, because I heard there’s this thing called the Internet where he could have found it from his office.

  38. 38
    David says:

    They did exactly the same thing with GOP dot com website.

  39. 39
    Citizen_X says:

    @Jim C.: That’s the second (at least) reference on that site to the idea that marine mammals = fish. Is this some Fundie meme that’s been going around that I haven’t heard of?

  40. 40
    Madeline says:

    @FlipYrWhig: Yeah, that’s probably what the design firm told ’em.

  41. 41
    DonBelacquaDelPurgatorio says:

    Ah, B4B.

    Good times. Good times.

  42. 42
    Martin says:

    @cleek: If they were smart, they’d flag ‘Also.’ – that’s a dead giveaway, IMO. Ayn Rand should be flagged as well, since that’s either going to be libertarian troublemakers or spoofs.

    But like I said, if they were smart, which they surely are not.

  43. 43
    SpotWeld says:

    I’m just waiting for the request to replace the images on the $1, $5 and $10 bills with Reagan, Joseph McCarthy, and Jesus respectivly.

  44. 44
    Martin says:

    @Citizen_X: No, it’s the same spoofer, I guarantee it.

  45. 45
    Anya says:

    @Glenn: I think that might be a Wonkette commenter. Those guys are always messing with Republicans.

  46. 46
    JGabriel says:

    Kevin McCarthy (via Dana Milbank):

    “I personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program …”

    It was lying amongst the rubble of Mount St. Helens. I, being the rugged individualist that I am, fought through the tribes of America, tamed its forests, hauled that software out of the volcanic rock and mountain gneiss, and and personally – PER. SON. AL. LY. – brought it back out of the wild for the denizens of DC, to improve their lives. The women of DC were grateful, and thanked me in the manner you’d expect them to thank a rugged mountain capitalist of the wild forest, because I’m not gay. Never, ever gay.

    .

  47. 47
    jayjaybear says:

    They had to use NASA-esque software TO RUN A FUCKING BLOG?

    Yowsers.

    Forget it, Jake. It’s Republicans.

    Wasn’t it Red State or Free Republic that was BEGGING for IT people to volunteer their time because they were making such a hash of their software and they couldn’t afford real programmers a couple of years ago?

  48. 48
    Mike G says:

    Once again, reality is overtaking The Onion —

    Christian Right Lobbies To Overturn Second Law Of Thermodynamics
    http://www.theonion.com/articl.....aw-of,281/

  49. 49
    Bella Q says:

    @Madeline:

    You *know* that this working definition of “winsome,” as it’s being used here, has to be something like “winning,” as the actual definition of the word is all wrong in this context. I mean, “engaging,” maybe, but the tone is all wrong.

  50. 50
  51. 51
    cleek says:

    don’t forget to vote for the ‘good’ ones !

    aw crap. looks like it’s dead.

    A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now.

    Please wait a moment and try again.

  52. 52
    schrodinger's cat says:

    How about we go back to Roman Numerals because the decimal system is not biblical enough?

  53. 53
    Morbo says:

    Calling Wonkette! All hand to battlestations! All hands to battlestations!

  54. 54
    scav says:

    Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), who created the program, said that to get software for the site, “I personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon.”

    mmm, yeah, mickeysoft must be one of those major players in GIS that I entirely missed hearing about. Still, ‘spose in a way we’re exploring lunitics and they could be mapped, so long as the correct info is gathered. Would be fun to interpolate a lunacy surface and find out where all those with the loosest attachments to reality have rolled to.

  55. 55
    MattR says:

    Can we start a contest to see who can get the most “Activity Points”?

    @Shade Tail: Well played.

  56. 56
    Shade Tail says:

    The Democrats’ reply:

    americaspokeout.com

  57. 57
    The Other Chuck says:

    I would call it wince-some myself.

  58. 58
    Michael D. says:

    Second one under National Security:

    We need to train an army of Ninja Cats. Cats are natural born hunters and predators, and it is known that they indeed have 9 lives, many more than the typical human life (being one). They are also excellent at hiding themselves and would be ideal for sneaking into countries and assassinating communist leaders to lessen the ever growing threat of communism, finding key terrorist leaders and shattering the global terrorist network. In fact they could be potentially useful in the current Korean crisis. Loyal to their trainers, the cats could rain destruction and fear throughout the world, and if ever captured would never tell who they are serving. Finally, after they have solved the worlds problems, they could serve as border patrol and show unflinching resolve at keeping illegals where they belong, anywhere but here.

    Clearly, Tunch is a spoof on the site.

  59. 59
    schrodinger's cat says:

    @cleek: Have we acheived wingularity yet?

  60. 60
    cleek says:

    “I personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon.”

    wow. what an intrepid explorer!

    i “discovered” the same thing using 0.25 seconds of Google time.

  61. 61
    DougJ says:

    @MattR:

    For sure. I’m at 370 right now.

  62. 62
    Chat Noir says:

    @SpotWeld: I’m LOLing. Win!

  63. 63
    artem1s says:

    this one is priceless…

    Stop using outdated systems to compare competiveness. We may not be able to compete in math and science, but we are number one in football (not the foreign football, the real American one). And we are number one in basketball, hockey (Look at the Canadians), and even baseball (though our new immigration laws could hurt this).

  64. 64
    Anoniminous says:

    @Citizen_X:

    Back when I was laboring in the SysAdmin mines I used a “language” all the time to make the network run faster.

    As to the other silliness …

    I’d think they were spoofs if I hadn’t visual evidence of their inability to think and spell. My conclusion is: the posts should be considered Serious™ until proven otherwise.

  65. 65
    Martin says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: You do realize that it was invented by the Arabs, right? More evidence that Obama is trying to Muslim up the place.

  66. 66
    4jkb4ia says:

    Well, we know that dolphins aren’t kosher because they have fins, but they don’t have scales.

    I am openly cheering for Fognini because they made him play in the dark.(Against Monfils, who I would cheer for in any other circumstance)(Monfils saved two match points)

  67. 67
    elisathon says:

    “A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now.

    Please wait a moment and try again.”

    It appears that even the frontpage overloaded, not just heliocentrism & gold.
    le sigh.

  68. 68
    Paul in KY says:

    @Martin: I was wondering about ‘Fountainhead’. That could sound like you’re getting into the 2 wetsuits & a dildo territory if you’re a non-libitarian leaning Repub.

  69. 69
    MarkJ says:

    @ Citizen_X

    That’s a spoof. Whoever wrote it went too far with the second sentence with the ain’t – should have used can’t. The first sentence would have been perfect – confusion between are and our is epidemic. Also, many seem to be confusing too and two.

  70. 70
    Citizen_X says:

    @SpotWeld: Oh my. I bow down to whoever did that one.

  71. 71
    b-psycho says:

    Check out what some idiot proposed about immigration: “Instead of repealing the 14th amendment, let’s just auto-revoke parent rights for illegals & create a class of immigrant orphan wards of the State!”

    Oh, those “limited government” Republicans…

  72. 72
    Svensker says:

    @JGabriel:

    Washington STATE is in the Pacific Northwest, at the top of the Left Coast. There are volcanic mountains there.

    Washington DC is the U.S. capital and is in the middle of the Eastern Seaboard on the Right Coast. There are volcanic assholes there.

    The two have no connection except for the name.

  73. 73
    Ed Marshall says:

    Hmmm

    In accordance with the Rock Valley College Acceptable Use Policy of Information Technology Systems, the Barracuda Firewall has filtered the link you are accessing because it contains filtered content. This particular content is categorized as Spam.

    URL: http://www.americaspeakingout.com

  74. 74
    schrodinger's cat says:

    @Martin: I thought it was conceived by Hindu mathematicians , and later popularized by Persians and Arabs.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H.....ral_system

  75. 75
    chris says:

    Oh, this is manna from heaven. Here’s my contribution:

    Everybody knows that lower taxes stimulate growth, which lowers the deficit… so why have taxes at all? Let’s put an end to this socialist nonsense once and for all!

    It’s my warm-up pitch.

  76. 76
    Svensker says:

    Can’t believe no one has yet pointed out that the acronym for Americans Speaking Out is ASO, which brings to mind so many things.

  77. 77
    sukabi says:

    @Face: maybe the NASA part is some kind of tracking software… after all, maybe all the Repubs want to start pressing charges against citizens for “complaining about their station in life” as Douchebag Bunning’s done.

  78. 78
    Anoniminous says:

    @scav:

    Awe contrary.

    Rep. Kevin McCarthy is aware of all internet traditions as he is one up-to-the-minute hep cat. He’s the caterpillar’s boots and the cat’s pajamas. Bully for him!

    He merely didn’t want to have to wait for his IBM PC – with a 9,600 baud modem! – to download a Google search.

  79. 79
    gnomedad says:

    @Mike G:

    Christian Right Lobbies To Overturn Second Law Of Thermodynamics

    Cute, but they actually like the Second Law because it “disproves” evolution.

  80. 80
  81. 81
    sukabi says:

    @JGabriel: like Microsoft hasn’t figured out the whole retail / distribution thingy…

    this guy’s a genius, he managed to actually track down software by going to it’s origin… never mind that it was probably outsourced to India for coding / design / creation….

  82. 82
    MikeJ says:

    It’s like the GOP spent all this money just to entertain DougJ. 715 points already.

  83. 83
    4jkb4ia says:

    @Martin:
    Yes, “Also” is the sore keyword there.

  84. 84
    drew42 says:

    The software that powers MY website is hand-crafted from the finest pewter.

  85. 85
    Quicksand says:

    A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now.

    Really? How many is speaking out?

  86. 86
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    Am I the only one who reads the thread title a la Omar from The Wire?

    EILEEN NATHAN: Bird committed more than one murder?
    OMAR: Fish gotta swim, know what I’m sayin’?

  87. 87
    cleek says:

    is it working for anyone else ?

  88. 88
    jibeaux says:

    I like:

    Schools should be required to teach both sides of every issue. Teach gravity with anti-gravity, geology and biology with young earth creationism, and oxygen with phlogiston. Most science teachers refuse to give equal weight to science and dogma. This is really making me mad.

    I created an account, and then it wouldn’t even let me log in. How do they KNOW? Is that the NASA technology?

  89. 89
    Jerry 101 says:

    @Zifnab:

    Repeal the 17th? Child’s play – they’re already itching to jump on that one.

    How about starting a movement to repeal the 3rd? What wingnut keyboard kommando wouldn’t want to quarter a few soldiers in his mcmansion?

    Or, maybe a movement to repeal the Establishment Clause or the Commerce Clause.

    Actually, I’ll bet that a clever enough person could get Rand Paul on record supporting the repeal of the commerce clause.

    You know what else would be fun? Starting a right-wing movement to repeal the 21st Amendment.

  90. 90
    scav says:

    @Anoniminous: I’m both shocked and awed at his total awareness of the tuubz which may or may not be laughing. Froopy dude has totally misspelled Gopher though.

  91. 91
    drew42 says:

    My website was written in Apple BASIC. I had to swim to Tahiti, through shark-infested waters, to obtain it.

  92. 92
    Nick says:

    I like that the #1 most popular tag is “buget process.” Beyond staire.

  93. 93
    b-psycho says:

    As slow as the site loads, they must be running an Apple 2e as their server.

  94. 94
    Wyliecoat says:

    I think using the word “heliocentrism” sort of gives away the fact that you’re a trouble maker.

  95. 95
    db says:

    This one is awesome:

    THE NAFTA SUPERHIGHWAY MUST BE STOPPED. PLEASE LISTEN TO DR. PAUL ON THIS TOPIC. OUR VERY FREEDOM IS AT STAKE.

  96. 96
    schrodinger's cat says:

    @Nick: Sorry, lunar software has no spell check.

  97. 97
    Chat Noir says:

    @MikeJ: The GOP is spending everyone’s tax $ for this “initiative.”

  98. 98
    Chat Noir says:

    @MikeJ: The GOP is spending tax dollars for this “initiative.”

  99. 99
    Martin says:

    @b-psycho: Nah, Dougj is just on a roll. His kung-fu is the best.

  100. 100
    clussman says:

    Whenever Republicans launch a new national website I lose hours of productivity. Working late tonight will be worth it though. That site is the gift that keeps on giving.

  101. 101
    NobodySpecial says:

    @Ed Marshall:

    You’re at RVC?

  102. 102
    chopper says:

    @Montysano:

    Spoof? Not a spoof? Impossible to know.

    it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  103. 103
    jibeaux says:

    Okay, I got in now. I hope you all saw this one.

    I want to build Brick Ovens to extract oil from the oil shale that infests this country. We would never have to buy overseas oil again.

    It’s under Energy.

  104. 104
    4jkb4ia says:

    @cleek:

    I tried to register but it keeps telling me, “Must select a Representative”. At first I thought it was smart and knew from my zip code what district I was in, but substituting Akin’s district office didn’t help. I am sure it was not smart enough to catch “dougj” as a user ID.

  105. 105
    MagicPanda says:

    Man, the americaspeakingout.com site is fun. I’ve wasted more time there than I have in a while.

    The site traffic seems to be smoother now for anyone who is interested in giving it a try.

  106. 106
    jibeaux says:

    It did not like my suggestion to abolish social security, and that if and when you die then you could maybe stop working. Now you tell me why that’s not an awesome suggestion under “productivity”?!

  107. 107
    Chyron HR says:

    The URL you are accessing has been blocked by the Barracuda Web Filter because it contains content belonging to the category of: Spam

    That was quick. But I’m hard pressed to disagree with their assessment of the GOP’s ideas.

  108. 108
  109. 109
    cleek says:

    i keep getting the “A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now.” message.

    boo.

    and i have so many good ideas to share!

  110. 110
    b-psycho says:

    Figured I’d put a halfway decent idea (cutting the military budget) up dressed in wingnutese first before I joined the spoofs. Here goes the goof…:

    I fear that going to a gold standard isn’t enough. Suppose some future liberal scientist decides to synthesize gold just to undermine the standard again? We should ban that pre-emptively.

  111. 111
    jibeaux says:

    It does seem to have accepted:

    Real Americans pay for their own organ transplants, in cash, and without complaining. Why is it the nanny state government’s job to help you when it’s YOUR kid who was born with the heart defect?

    Cleek, tell me what you want to say. They might boot me soon.

  112. 112
    Ed Marshall says:

    @NobodySpecial:

    Yup, I work IT nights at Stenstrom for work study.

  113. 113
    Martin says:

    @Mr Furious: It’s both fascinating and boring to watch the video feed. I’m not a fan of reality TV, but being able to watch something like this is a lot like watching a space mission. After a while you really come to appreciate how technically challenging this activity is, and how unlikely it is that anyone could just swoop in and take it over.

  114. 114
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Wyliecoat:

    I think using the word “heliocentrism” sort of gives away the fact that you’re a trouble maker.

    Or the fact that you are a Real Fucking American Patriot.

    “FREEDOM! GET SOME!” — Thomas Jefferson

    That is just Science. Duh.

  115. 115
    JGabriel says:

    @Svensker:

    The two [WA and DC] have no connection except for the name.

    And that Kevin McCarthy apparently discovered software in WA state and hauled it across the country from Redmond to DC, personally.

    Svensker, did you honestly think I don’t know the difference between WA and DC, or did you just have a brain fart?

    .

  116. 116
    jibeaux says:

    @jibeaux:

    Wait, no, it did not.

    Dang.

  117. 117
    Zifnab says:

    @JGabriel:

    And that Kevin McCarthy apparently discovered software in WA state and hauled it across the country from Redmond to DC, personally.

    On the taxpayer’s dime, I guarantee it.

  118. 118

    And there will be loud screams of O NOES, HAXXORS!* in 5…4…3…

    Damn, I wish you people wouldn’t do this while I was at work.

    *I know it’s not hacking, you know it’s not hacking, but bitching about spoofs isn’t dramatic enough.

  119. 119
    Mr Furious says:

    @Martin: There’s not much to watch—you can’t actually see anything inside the BOP.

    I just hope it works and doesn’t backfire. I shudder to think what will unfold if the leak gets worse—which by many estimates is up to 40% likely…Not great odds.

  120. 120
    MattR says:

    @jibeaux: Too many BJers spoofing. We gotta coordinate so we don’t clog (both of) their tubes.

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: Having a crappy website that can’t handle the traffic so you blame it on hackers. Where have I heard that before? Just further proof that Joe Lieberman is a Republican.

    @Zifnab: What are the odds they payed all the proper licenses?

  121. 121
    Tonal Crow says:

    Didn’t they do something like this about a year ago? And didn’t it attract the same sort of posts? And didn’t they terminate it after about 3 days? There’s something very Groundhog Day-ish about this effort.

  122. 122
    MattR says:

    @Tonal Crow: Are you thinking of gop.am?

  123. 123
    JGabriel says:

    @sukabi:

    this guy’s a genius, he managed to actually track down software by going to it’s origin …

    Exactly! McCarthy is a rugged individualist capitalist explorer man of mountain, forest, and adventure who brought discovered and brought back software from the deep wild!

    If it weren’t for McCarthy and his conservative rag-tag team of rebels and explorers, the world would have never known of the vast reserves of software in the Pacific Northwest, or its uses!

    .

  124. 124
    Rosalita says:

    Amazing they didn’t learn anything from their last web site experiment that went so well (gop.com); this commentariat sure had fun with it.

  125. 125
    jibeaux says:

    @Tonal Crow:

    What I remember was something about what you thought the GOP’s priority should be, or strategery, or something. And “Buy Every American A Pair Of TruckNutz” was #1 for a while.

  126. 126
    Jay C says:

    @jayjaybear:

    Actually, RedState’s problem with trying to find a designer willing to help redo their site was that it was all a big liberal plot. SRSLY.

    As Erick put it:

    “The bad news: our liberal “friends” – you know, the ones who believe so strongly in free speech and open debate – have done what they can to prevent us from making these improvements, so that our influence will be minimized just as we head into the 2008 presidential primary season.”

    Except as a source of continual scorn and mockery, it’s hard to imagine how much less influence RS could possibly have had, but that’s today’s conservative: never miss an opportunity for self-victimization.

  127. 127
    trollhattan says:

    @Tonal Crow:

    I recall some RNC Website thingie with an animated M.C. Steele strolling across the screen, chatting at his peeps. That was yanked pretty quickly after a little too much fun was had at their expense.

    Republicans seem to not attract any Grade A nerdpower. Wonder why…?

  128. 128
    robertdsc says:

    @jibeaux:
    LMAO. Perfect!

  129. 129
    JGabriel says:

    @Zifnab:

    On the taxpayer’s dime, I guarantee it.

    Pshaw! If Keven McCarthy hadn’t discovered software, Al Gore never would have been able to invent the internet!

    .

  130. 130
    brantl says:

    I suspect Jesus’ General did the one about heliotropism. It has to be his kind of spoof. Also he was smart enough to spell ‘heliotropism’ and still say the bible says that it isn’t so. Gotta be JG.

  131. 131
    jibeaux says:

    I’m just immortalizing here, because who knows how much longer the fun will last. Not mine, btw.

    Rapists should be forced to provide proper compensation to the people they are stealing from – the fathers or husbands of the women they force themselves on. That money could then be spent by the heads of households on things that will help stimulate the economy.

  132. 132
    MagicPanda says:

    I don’t think anyone is getting blocked (except for curse words). I think the website is just crashing a lot. Keep trying!

  133. 133
    joeyess says:

    Here’s my thoughts @ Speaking out:

    Hee hee!

  134. 134
    Tonal Crow says:

    @cleek: The problem is surely the word “hugged”. That’s verboten because it implies affection, friendship, empathy, or (gasp!) sexual attraction, all of which are, for obvious reasons, suspect in the Land of GOPdor.

  135. 135
    maddie says:

    Badges? You can earn badges? WTF?

  136. 136
    jibeaux says:

    I fear that going to a gold standard isn’t enough. Suppose some future liberal scientist decides to synthesize gold just to undermine the standard again? We should ban that pre-emptively.

  137. 137
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @jibeaux:

    I’m just immortalizing here, because who knows how much longer the fun will last. Not mine, btw.

    Rapists should be forced to provide proper compensation to the people they are stealing from – the fathers or husbands of the women they force themselves on. That money could then be spent by the heads of households on things that will help stimulate the economy.

    The line between spoof and reality has been forever shattered.

  138. 138
    Ed Marshall says:

    The live feed of the oil leak shows mud blowing out instead of oil now. I don’t know if that is good or bad.

  139. 139
    Xenos says:

    @MikeJ:

    There’s already a suggestion to repeal all the amendments.

    All the amendments? That is not crazy enough.

    How about just the ones which are prime numbers? Somebody put that up there, please, I don’t have time to get registered.

  140. 140
    Ash Can says:

    “Let’s set up a state-of-the-art web site where the American people can come to us directly to tell us what we should think, what issues we should support, and what our agenda should be. What could possibly go wrong??

  141. 141
    Tonal Crow says:

    @chris: You’ve got to work on your (mis)spelling. For example, “nonsense” should be spelled “nonsence”.

  142. 142
    MattR says:

    @Xenos: If somebody is taking requests, please try to post Abe Simpson’s suggestion.

    There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.

  143. 143

    I got three positive votes for this one:

    “i don’t understand why we have to have child labor laws. if every child over the age of 5 went to work (like they did in the OLD TIME TRADITIONAL AMERICA) we wouldn’t need to import stuff from China. MAKE THE CHILDREN PULL THEIR SHARE. “

  144. 144
  145. 145
    scav says:

    @Xenos: seconded. Prime numbers are elitist numbers. ‘scuse me, elitist nummers. Who DO they think they are?!

  146. 146
    jwb says:

    @Ed Marshall: I think mud coming out of the pipes was expected.

  147. 147
    MikeJ says:

    It’s nice to see all the goldbug spoofing, but now we need to start a turf war between the goldbugs the no one world currency people, since the gold standard leads inexorably to one world currency, then one world government, then the antichrist.

  148. 148
    Tonal Crow says:

    @MattR: Yes, that’s it. What a boatload of awesome that was.

  149. 149
    freelancer says:

    @Mike G:

    This one was for you:

    Holy God’s creation is perfect, and our representatives should be fighting for our values. Natural law does not inclued athiest isaac newtons “Laws” of thermodynamics. Socalled “Entropy” is a trick invented by the forces of darkness who are currently bringing this country to its knees. We need our leaders to fight for us, or else we will fight our leaders

    I made up for my lack of caps with the next one:

    Papers please for anyone online who uses an Umlaut on AND ENGLISH SPEAKING WEBSITE IN AN ENGLISH SPEAKING COUNTRY> This is AMREICA!!!

  150. 150
    b-psycho says:

    Check under “America’s role in the world”. Anyone wanna bet how many thumbs-up votes my last one’ll get?

  151. 151
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    OK, which one of you jokesters posted “Legalize Gay Marijuanna”[sic]? I almost snarfed my water.

  152. 152
    jibeaux says:

    @Tonal Crow:

    That was also great. What I like about all this is that someone could say, “you remember when the Republicans made that website, and they were like all sincere about it, and then the liberals went to the website, and …” and you could be talking about half a dozen different things, easy.

  153. 153
    Colonel Danite says:

    I don’t know when I had this much fun. I just hope I don’t get fired for spending the last 30 minutes on the site.

  154. 154
    Crashman says:

    You all are doing God’s work here. Truly stupendous job; bravo. I am in awe.

  155. 155
    Mark S. says:

    This one cracked me up:

    I was going to say that we should stop daylight savings time because every time it comes around I’m confused for MONTHS. But what we should REALLY do is just standardize all American Time, so there aren’t different zones. That way, I could call my brother in Louisiana in the early evening and not worry about him already being asleep because its two hours later there.

    My guess is 80% of these responses are spoofs. This thing will be shut down tomorrow.

  156. 156
    MattR says:

    I thought this one was real for a second

    Here is my 5 step program for FINALLY securing our borders and protecting our children: 1 Cut funding to all secular organizations and poor people. 2 Take the savings realized over the first year to Las Vegas. 3 Find a roullette table and put the entire amount on the number 22. 4 Now take winnings to nearest bank and collect the money in crisp, $50 bills. they must be $50’s and they must be brand NEW. 5 Stitch the bills into a massive “net” and encircle our borders with it. This repelling attacks from near and afar.

  157. 157
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    @Mark S.:

    This thing will be shut down tomorrow.

    Damn liberals–THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!

  158. 158

    @Tonal Crow: Republicans not learning from their mistakes?

    UNPOSSIBLE!

  159. 159
    MagicPanda says:

    Damn. They killed my account.

  160. 160
    b-psycho says:

    Apparently advocating anarchy in a faux-Palin tone is “inappropriate”, cuz they wouldn’t even let me put up this one:

    The reason government is so hard to keep track of is because it’s so big and spread out. We like majority rule & local solutions to stuff, why not just break it up & have locally run self-representation?

  161. 161
    Souvik says:

    hit DougJ’s link from my work computer and got this message. I wonder what they did to get blacklisted :-)

    “This Page Cannot Be Displayed

    ——————————————————————————–

    Based on your corporate access policies, this web site ( http://www.americaspeakingout......iocentrism ) has been blocked because it has been determined to be a security threat to your computer or the corporate network. This web site has been associated with malware/spyware. “

  162. 162
    Colonel Danite says:

    Darn. I think I’ve been banned.

  163. 163
    b-psycho says:

    Crap, they deleted the one I had about terrorism (basically “threaten to nuke Mecca”).

  164. 164
    MagicPanda says:

    It looks to me like they may have (accidentally?) reverted their entire database, so your post is being rejected for a different reason (like your account may no longer exist) rather than any inappropriate words. At least that was what happened to me.

  165. 165
    scav says:

    @Mark S.: Careful with that one comrade. ‘Cause you know who else eliminated time zones? The Ruskies! in 2010!

  166. 166
    LD50 says:

    “End Child Labor Laws,” suggests one helpful participant. “We coddle children too much. They need to spend their youth in the factories.”

    This is America: what factories??

  167. 167
    freelancer says:

    Crap they deleted me. And I didn’t get to post my “Not Soft on crime diatribe”.

    I think I smelled drugs smoke coming from my neighbor’s garage. PLEASE sent the POLICE to his house to shoot his attack dogs in the middle of the night and scare his kids so they won’t enter into a life of crime. We need to take back the streets from these criminals who are ruining are society. When are Americans going to say Enough is Enough!

  168. 168
    merl says:

    I’d say about 90% of the postings are spoof. I know that 100% of mine are.
    I have already won 3 freedom badges!!

  169. 169
    JGabriel says:

    It looks like ALL of the responses are gone. I don’t see any responses there now, except for a couple of very recent, very banal, comments.

    Or possibly, the site database broke.

    .

  170. 170
    Frank says:

    heliocentrism went away ;-(. You’re going to need to repost it here ;-).

  171. 171
    Martin says:

    @Mr Furious: 40% chance that it won’t work. Only like a 5% chance it’ll make things worse.

    Still, worse is difficult to accept even at 5%.

  172. 172
    scav says:

    @Souvik: Maybe they are collecting personalizable data! Mapping ho!

  173. 173
    Xenos says:

    I tried to register so I could post some of William Jennings Bryan’s ‘Cross of Gold’ speech in the Gold Standard section, but no dice. I was very curious to see if anyone would recognize it.

    Maybe I should have just updated it to Teatard-language – “Get a brain, morans bimetallists!”

  174. 174
    dj spellchecka says:

    well, either the website is junk or my account “helen bedd’ got scrubbed already…probably for suggesting we raise the capital gains tax and the minimum wage…

    the website fail notice is funny, too: “A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now. Please wait a moment and try again.”

    here’s a suggestion i found under the topic of job creation
    [bonus! tagged with “first-principles”] : “We need to ensure that the Republicans never give us up, let us down, run around, or desert us.”

  175. 175
    middlewest says:

    Did they just delete everything?

  176. 176
    I have issues with Baltimore says:

    Looks like somebody hit the reset button. The categories are empty now, and it says my idea to “Repeal all prime-numbered amendments so brown people can’t vote to take away our guns” is inappropriate.

  177. 177
    Zeke says:

    Dude, I had three badges and they just nuked me.

    Hoocoodanode?

  178. 178
    Martin says:

    @MikeJ:

    Yes! A thousand times yes! I gave my recommendation upthread. I’ll try and join in the fun later tonight.

  179. 179
    MagicPanda says:

    I guess this is God’s way of telling me to get the f*#$ back to work.

  180. 180
    Martin says:

    @I have issues with Baltimore:

    “Repeal all prime-numbered amendments so brown people can’t vote to take away our guns” is inappropriate

    ZOMG! That idea is totally appropriate!

  181. 181
    maus says:

    I take it as a matter of pride that Republican politicians twitter 5x as much as their Dem opponents. While Twitter is these days a political necessity (considering how the media relies on it near-exclusively for their reporting) it’s still as unintellectual as the 10 second sound bite the media used to rely exclusively on.

  182. 182

    That site sucks. They must have only one server or something. Bastards!!

  183. 183
  184. 184
    Mark S. says:

    @I have issues with Baltimore:

    I think that would have been okay if two weren’t a prime number.

  185. 185
    licensed to kill time says:

    Looks like America’s not Speaking Out anymore. Why do they hate our freedoms?

  186. 186
    scav says:

    amnesia is probably a feature, not a bug, in their world.

  187. 187
    daverave says:

    I have not laughed this hard for months… I gotta get out more of course. Anyhow.

  188. 188
    Lisa K. says:

    Under healthcare, how about “make sure anybody in the emergency room shows his or her papers before receiving care”

  189. 189
    Colonel Danite says:

    I think we’re back in business. My account is active again.

  190. 190
    I have issues with Baltimore says:

    @Mark S.: Then I guess trekking all the way across the country for some of that sweet, sweet NASA tang paid off for Herr McCarthy.

  191. 191
    Mayken says:

    Y’all keep crashing the damn site! How about a little organization in your spoofery, eh? I haven’t laughed so hard in ages!

  192. 192
    Mayken says:

    @Lisa K.: We had that one in Cali for a while till the insufficiently American courts killed it.

  193. 193
    lexlurker says:

    Here’s a good one

    Lets be join canada and become another province. That way they can teach us how to manage our banks and budget.

    Not to mention the requirement to drill a relief well simultaneously with any offshore drilling.

  194. 194
    EmmATX says:

    It’s definitely back up. I have already seen a bunch of the comments over there that y’all posted here. Keep it up!

  195. 195
    Mayken says:

    This one is my current fave:

    My neighbor made a Republican website that can’t withstand more than two people posting at once, despite having “NASA technology”. Please arrest him, or at the very least, ridicule his stupid website.

    You guys rock so hard!

  196. 196
    Lisa K. says:

    OMG. this place is addicting! I could-and probably will-spend all night there!

  197. 197
    clussman says:

    The reset is okay, it lets more people get in on the fun and get their crazy ideas above the fold. Witness the current #1 from Job Creation:

    Sue Lowden was definitely on to something with her idea of bartering chickens for health care, but why not just make chickens official United States currency? Money doesn’t grow on trees, but there’s no reason it can’t grow in our CAFOs.

  198. 198
    clussman says:

    Also, too:

    Let’s have every American male cut his hair like Trent Lott and get John Boehner’s artificial tan.

    Pay for more bandwidth so that real Americans can keep the good ideas coming without crashing this site.

  199. 199
    Perry Como says:

    Jesus, trolling this site is like pissing in a sea of piss.

  200. 200
    licensed to kill time says:

    __

    I would like to see a river of fire built between the US and Mexico. I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case.

    Mexico tag

  201. 201
    daverave says:

    Thank God that the Rent-a-Boy website works better than this one.

    Please make it stop…

  202. 202
    Zeke says:

    Can we please make it illegal to make fun of Sarah Palin? It’s just mean. Sure, she isn’t that smart. But she raised five kids, and only one got knocked up in high school. That used to count for something in AMREICA!

  203. 203
    Snark Based Reality says:

    Abortions for some, tiny American flags for others!

    In the 20th Century as women’s roles in the work place increased so has the suffrage of women. It is time to end this vicious cycle and outlaw women’s suffrage forever.

    I think someone should investigate why Republicans aren’t posting on this website.

  204. 204
    fucen tarmal says:

    ok, i am all in favor of banning rights for gays, because i believe what my pastor tells me, that it leads to beastiality. however, i think we need to make it clear, that some times, particularly in winter, it feels good to micturate in a horse, rather than expose one’s privates to the elements for the duration of the micturation. i think we should ban gay rights, but make it clear that micturating in horses is still ok, either because its cold out, or because its fun and the horse seems to like it . i micturated in a horse once, it saved me from frostbite, i don’t think we should take that right away from hard working americans.

    they have a state of the art word sensor that flags inappropriate, doesn’t know a lot of words yet, much like sarah palin.

  205. 205
    Corpsicle says:

    Congratulations to all the brilliant lefties who have helped the Republican party by trolling their site.

    Instead of exposing the ignorance, racism, sexism, and various other unpleasant -isms of the current Republican party, your immature douchebaggery has enabled them to blame every stupid idea on us.

    I realize how entertaining it is to fuck with them, but keep in mind that you are helping the right, and fucking the left. But if that’s what you want, umm, congratulations, I guess.

  206. 206
    Snark Based Reality says:

    I agree with Corpsicle. This is excellent news for John McCain.

  207. 207
    Lisa K. says:

    @Corpsicle:

    Instead of exposing the ignorance, racism, sexism, and various other unpleasant -isms of the current Republican party, your immature douchebaggery has enabled them to blame every stupid idea on us

    LOL, hey, the stupidest idea was that website!

  208. 208
    Colonel Danite says:

    @Corpsicle: Lighten up, Francis.

  209. 209
    DougJ says:

    @Corpsicle:

    They would have said it was lefties doing it whether it was or not. No true conservative and all that.

  210. 210
    fucen tarmal says:

    @Corpsicle:

    yeah they can call us crude and vulgar. oh noes! by the time folks are done with it, nothing from that site will be taken seriously.

  211. 211
    LD50 says:

    @Corpsicle: Yeesh. Who let Captain Buzzkill in?

  212. 212
    Corpsicle says:

    @fucen tarmal: I would prefer their site to be taken seriously. Republicans have become so completely retarded that their most sober and serious ideas expose their stupidity.

  213. 213
    trollhattan says:

    Will these laughin’ tears ruin my keyboard as fast as the cryin’ ones? You guyzr killing me here.

  214. 214
    clussman says:

    Damnit, @Colonel Danite beat me to the exact line I wanted to use. You can respond to most things with lines from either Stripes or Ghostbusters.

  215. 215
    Corpsicle says:

    @clussman: Yeah, I’ve used that myself a few times on BJ.

  216. 216
    clussman says:

    @Corpsicle: there are plenty of other sites where their jackass ideas can be taken seriously and can’t be pinned on teh Liberal Spies. FFS let us have our fun with today’s installment of Republicans Meet Technology.

  217. 217
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Corpsicle:

    I would prefer their site to be taken seriously. Republicans have become so completely retarded that their most sober and serious ideas expose their stupidity.

    I think the argument could be made that the site is being treated with the seriousness it deserves.

    Instead of exposing the ignorance, racism, sexism, and various other unpleasant -isms of the current Republican party, your immature douchebaggery has enabled them to blame every stupid idea on us.

    Of course, no one ever said that the two sentiments are mutually exclusive.

  218. 218
    Redshift says:

    @Steve:

    But which are spoofs and which are the real thing?

    Poe’s Law would indicate that we’ll never know.

  219. 219
    Redshift says:

    @Corpsicle: Right, because they never blame their embarrassing elements on us without evidence!

  220. 220
    RickDFL says:

    They have a whole category for “constituion”

    http://www.americaspeakingout......onstituion

  221. 221
    Lisa K. says:

    @Corpsicle:

    I would prefer their site to be taken seriously. Republicans have become so completely retarded that their most sober and serious ideas expose their stupidity.

    Really, we knew that BEFORE they started soliciting serious policy ideas from the unwashed masses with access to IP blocking software…

  222. 222
    Corpsicle says:

    @DougJ: “They would have said it was lefties doing it whether it was or not. No true conservative and all that.”

    True, but would anyone have believed them? As it is the comment section of the Washington Post article you linked to is full of Lefties laughing about how they ratfucked the site.

  223. 223
    Corpsicle says:

    @Redshift: Right, but handing them a huge pile of evidence doesn’t really help our side.

  224. 224
    scav says:

    @Redshift: They deny they’ve said things that exist on film!

  225. 225
    PurpleGirl says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: No, not because decimals aren’t biblical but because the numbers we use are ARABIC numbers, Muslim, developed by those dark people in the Middle East, not even ancient Greek.

    I read some of the categories and wanted to hit my head to make the pain go away.

  226. 226
    Corpsicle says:

    I don’t have some sort of moral objection to screwing with them, but to be most effective ratfucking should be performed with discretion.

  227. 227
    jl says:

    If ancient Hindu mathematicians invented the ancestors of the Arabic numerals, they are still bad. Hindus are Godless heathens too.

    No one has mentioned the corrupting influence of the alphabet, which is Phoenician, and the Bible says that they are bad. I will suggest, under education, that we go back to runes, which are Anglo Saxon and good.

  228. 228
    Violet says:

    Their website it awful. It keeps crashing. Are Republicans really this stupid? They keep doing this kind of thing over and over.

  229. 229
    schrodinger's cat says:

    @jl: You are right language and math skills are elitist.

  230. 230
    Matthew Reid Krell says:

    Oh, dear:

    End the Department of Education. No federal power grants congress the authority to “legislate” education (See Constitution article 1, section 8). Education legislation is reserved to the States, or to the people. Note: Don’t refute using the “general welfare” or “necessary and proper” clauses. The enumerated powers are very specific and intentionally limiting.

    Ladies and gentlemen, Justice Thomas trolls the GOP site!

  231. 231
    Lisa K. says:

    @Violet:

    Are Republicans really this stupid?

    Is that a rhetorical question, or do you really not know?

  232. 232
    OC says:

    You have to read the American Values thread. It’s been hijacked to say the least. This is my favorite:

    We should require alternative theories to evoluation be taught in school. I like Norse Mythology and the Hopi story. Their is no more proof to these then to Darwins tale of molucules to man. Also, the Christians have a good theory, and snappy displays at the Creation Museum. I like to ride the dinosour (or Dragon, or Faith Lizard).

  233. 233
    Violet says:

    @Lisa K.:
    Rhetorical. With a hint of “Seriously? They’re doing this again? How can anyone be this dumb?”

  234. 234
    Lisa K. says:

    @Violet:

    SOMEBODY over there must be saying right about now, “I told you so, assholes.”

  235. 235
    b-psycho says:

    It’s a dumb idea. Dumb ideas deserve ridicule.

    Besides, if people suggested good ideas it’s not like the GOP leadership would read it, say “hey, these are good ideas!” & then proceed to use them to inform legislation. If politics worked like that then legislators would be redundant.

  236. 236
    maus says:

    @Violet: Duh hurrr it worked for Obama! (Not that anything in the Change.org site got implemented or carried any weight…)

    @b-psycho: Conservatism is ALL ABOUT new ideas and keeping up with both the times and the peoples’ voice, what are you talking about.

  237. 237
    Violet says:

    @Lisa K.:
    Yeah, no kidding. I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the party that thought the internet was a series of tubes still doesn’t understand how it works. But still….

  238. 238
    maus says:

    @Corpsicle:

    Instead of exposing the ignorance, racism, sexism, and various other unpleasant -isms of the current Republican party, your immature douchebaggery has enabled them to blame every stupid idea on us.

    And how exactly would they do that?

    http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Poe%27s_Law

  239. 239
    CynDee says:

    @jibeaux: What a scream. You are wickedly clever.

  240. 240
    CynDee says:

    OT, someone please help. (Red face.) This is embarrassing to ask, but it’s not in the lexicon and I don’t know what “Han shot first” means. I didn’t see all the Star Wars movies.

    Thank you.

  241. 241
    Tiparillo says:

    All of them seem to be about going back to the gold standard….

    But my favorite was this error message:

    A very high volume of Americans are speaking out right now.
    Please wait a moment and try again.

  242. 242
    Violet says:

    @CynDee:
    It pertains to differences between the first Star Wars movie and the re-release. Google it – it comes right up.

  243. 243
    DJM says:

    If a GOPer isn’t an asshole, he’s an idiot.
    I’m not saying that there isn’t a whole lot of overlap.

  244. 244

    @CynDee: In the first movie (that is, Episode 4), Han is confronted by a bounty hunter threatening to take him in. Han (very clearly) shoots the bounty hunter; Lucas later tried to claim that Greedo shot first, but that’s just revisionist bull.

    ETA: And yeah, the “digitally remastered” version was edited so that Greedo shot first.

  245. 245
    dmsilev says:

    @CynDee:

    OT, someone please help. (Red face.) This is embarrassing to ask, but it’s not in the lexicon and I don’t know what “Han shot first” means. I didn’t see all the Star Wars movies.

    In the original Star Wars movie (later retitled “Episode IV: A New Hope”), there was a scene near the beginning where Han Solo was talking in a bar with someone who wanted to collect a bounty on him. At the end of the scene, Han Solo shot Greedo (the bounty hunter) with Greedo never even drawing his own gun. Established Han as a bit of a bad-ass, and certainly cold-blooded.

    When the movies were released as “Special Editions” in the late nineties, George Lucas decided it wasn’t “hero-like” for Han to gun someone down in cold blood, so the scene was edited to have Greedo shoot first (and miss, at about a 2 foot range), and Han then returns fire. Many fans of the films object to this and prefer the original version, hence the motto “Han Shot First”.

    dms

  246. 246
    I have issues with Baltimore says:

    I can’t login to my account anymore. It says it doesn’t exist, but it won’t let me re-register because it says my username is already in use. And I can still see my ideas, although the ideas about repealing the prime number amendments and somebody fixing my apartment’s plumbing so I can shower and get a job are gone. All that remains is my hatred of the Tampa Bay Rays.

  247. 247
    gocart mozart says:

    Lets play Real or Spoof
    <blockquoteWe need to make the enviro-whackos trying to create a panic over the golf oil spill to shut the he!l up! OIL IS A NATURAL SUBSTANCE!!! You cook with it (vegatable oil), clean with it (lemon oil), put it on your skin (oil of olay), etcetera. GOD put it there for us to use, and anyone saying that a NATURAL SUBSTANCE is bad for NATURE either is severly misguided or diliberately lying to promote thier own SOCIALIST agenda. >

  248. 248
    Kia says:

    The most troubling aspect of these posts is how many fall into the far-right wing equivalent of Poe’s Law. The parodies and trolls are indistinguishable from the more strident, honest suggestions.

  249. 249
    Mike in NC says:

    Did they hire ex-Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK) to design this thing?

  250. 250
    Derek says:

    @jibeaux:

    Hell, I got deja vu reading your post!

  251. 251
    Violet says:

    @I have issues with Baltimore:
    Yeah, me too. I guess they figured out I was a spoof. Sad. I wonder if they’d let me re-register with the same email address.

  252. 252
    EIGRP says:

    Here’s my favorite:

    No more tea parties with china tea cups, because China is a socialist country, and we should use American products like plastic.

    Yeah, let’s use more foreign oil!!

    Eric

  253. 253
    gocart mozart says:

    This is my favorite

    “One time I saw a Mexican living in America on the television and his English was fine. I was thoroughly insulted and called an exorcist to remove the demons from my television. He never came. Sometimes, when the night is as still as a cat about to leap on its prey, I can hear the screams of the trapped heathen souls as they rattle away in their cathode ray prison. I bought some earplugs, but they were too big.”

  254. 254

    I just registered and put in a random zip from MN. Guess whose district it turned out to be? Michele Bachmann’s. PERFECT! I’m orientalpearlMN, and I will be making a few suggestions in the life section. We shall see what happens.

    P.S. My favorite historical figure? The Antichrist!

  255. 255

    Damn it. This was mine.

    People today have no idea what it takes to have a successful family. It’s hard work, and it has to be done consistently. Why, if you say two wetsuits and a toy of a certain nature, they just give you a blank stare. Talk to them about hiking the Appalachian Trail, taking a wide stance in the Minneapolis bathroom, or lifting a heavy load, and they have no idea as to what you are talking. This shall not stand. If we want our children to have an appropriate idea as to the values upon which this nation was built, we need to teach them the lessons of John Ensign, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, and many other heroic men who live the values they espouse.

    Except, I had dildo first. That was inappropriate. Then, I tried this. It accepted it, but did not post it. This is my latest.

    People today have no idea what it takes to have a successful family. It’s hard work, and it has to be done consistently. Why, if you say two wetsuits and a toy of a certain nature, they just give you a blank stare. Talk to them about hiking the Appalachian Trail, taking a wide stance in the Minneapolis bathroom, or lifting a heavy load, and they have no idea as to what you are talking. This shall not stand. If we want our children to have an appropriate idea as to the values upon which this nation was built, we need to teach them the lessons of John Ensign, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, and many other heroic men who live the values they espouse. Until then, we will have nothing other than hypocrites and liars in our midst.

    Nope. They won’t post it. Shit. I’ll try something blander.

    In ethics, I tried, “If you cannot walk the walk, at least you can talk the talk. Amirite?” They didn’t post that, either, damn it. I’m bored now.

  256. 256
    freelancer says:

    @gocart mozart:

    that, right up there with the mages protecting the border are just genius.

  257. 257
    EIGRP says:

    I have a couple to add but the site is too slow to post.

    Here they are:

    – create a litmus test that all politicians must take to prove they are Christian
    – President’s should be elected by how much red is on the map on election day. There is no way Obama could have beat McCain

    Eric

  258. 258

    And, I will just say on this now dead thread that of the ones I read, I had a hard time distinguishing between real and spoofery on at least…two or three of the items!

  259. 259
    Mumphrey says:

    This is the best one I saw; I really like it.

  260. 260
    matoko_chan says:

    and you guyz refuse to believe to believe in the negative correlation of IQ with conservatism.
    the whole site is a nature preserve for proud ignoramuses, and a field lab for selection for stupidity.
    quod erat demonstrandum.

  261. 261
    slag says:

    @maddie: Extra badges for someone who suggests:

    Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges! Put this website on the gold standard!

  262. 262
    Polar Bear Squares says:

    I’m laughing my arse off.

    If it swims in the sea, it’s a fish! Period!

    That goes for dolphins, seals, sea urchins, yo mama in a onesie.

    Traditional values!

  263. 263
    bago says:

    I think any senator who helps destroy a bank or savings and loan should be expelled from the capital. 6 Total Votes

    For the grammar nerds!

  264. 264
    Seanly says:

    The site looks like it was designed by the guy who used to leave his alien conspiracy theory tracts under the bridge.

  265. 265
    ronathan richardson says:

    two best:

    “Sometimes I see a new food at the store, but I don’t know if I will like it, so I don’t buy it. I propose we establish “food libraries” where you can try new foods and if you like them, go to the store and stimulate the economy. Only legal U.S. citizens would be allowed in the food library.”

    “Cut taxes, cut spending, cut hair, cut the cheese, cut it out, cutlery and cuttlefish.”

  266. 266
    daveNYC says:

    I would like to see a river of fire built between the US and Mexico. I would also like level 12 mages to guard the border just in case.

    Absolutely foolish, everyone knows that you’d be better off with a mixed team of Druids and Rangers.

  267. 267
    Paul in KY says:

    You guys got me laughing so much my sides hurt. Great job, Juicers!!

  268. 268
    matoko_chan says:

    @Lisa K.: yes.
    Think about it, 50 years of memetic fitness selection for creationists, anti-intellecutals, home-schoolers, nativists, racists, birthers, christofascists, right-to-life-warriors, homophobes, misogynists, patriarchists, neo-nazis, birchers, pre-trib fundamentalists, fake libertarians, neo-con revanchists, imperialists, soulless rapacious capitalists, and low-information voters that can be demagogued and scaremongered into voting against their economic interests.
    And America Speaking Out is the result.
    Selection for Stupid.
    Plus, they are techno-luddites, so they get pranked by mobies.
    Like when the Michael Steele site got hooked up with bondage toy links.

Comments are closed.