Early Morning Open Thread: Send in the Klowns

Since the Very Serious People are all obsessed with the Very Serious Question of Elena Kagan’s softball skillz, thank gods for the potty-mouthed humor blog Wonkette, who will tell us about Maine’s Insane Klown TP Party

Earlier this week we learned that the Maine GOP, during its state convention, replaced its standard platform with a hilarious four-page teabagger e-mail that one local reporter could only describe as “a mix of right-wing fringe policies, libertarian buzzwords and outright conspiracy theories.” It turns out, though, that this was only the second most comical thing that the teabaggers did during the convention. Some folks, while caucusing in a rented classroom at the nearby middle school, got it in their heads that the classroom’s teacher was a commie liberal indoctrinating the children with commie liberalism, and so they just dug through all of his stuff and trashed the place.
“The Republican State Convention was held at the Portland Exposition Building, which is on Park Avenue, near the middle school. Party members from Knox County caucused in a classroom used by eighth-grade social studies teacher Paul Clifford.
When Clifford returned to school on Monday, he found that a favorite poster about the U.S. labor movement had been taken and replaced with a bumper sticker that read, “Working People Vote Republican.”
Later, Clifford learned that his classroom had been searched. Republicans who had attended the convention called Principal Mike McCarthy to complain about “anti-American” things they saw there, including a closed box containing copies of the U.S. Constitution that were published by the American Civil Liberties Union…”

Yes, a bunch of Republicans called a guy named McCarthy to complain that the Constitution was “anti-American”.
Also, only Wonkette seems to properly appreciate the lulz involved when the Republican National Committee rejected both wrinkly old John McCain (Phoenix) and glossy humanoid pretender Mitt Romney (Salt Lake City) by choosing Tampa, “the nation’s lap-dance capital”, as the site of the 2012 Republican Convention. Hey, I believe the last RNC national convention in Florida was Richard Nixon’s 1972 coronation!
And finally, to meet the new mandatory Elena-Kagan-related quota, Wonkette informs us that Orrin Hatch forced Kagan to admire his sparkly yet underpowered antique weapon, in front of the cameras, because that is how he rolls.

Wonketteer Jim Newell is rapidly becoming one of my favorite journalists.

41 replies
  1. 1
    WereBear says:

    They had me at nation’s lap dance capital.

  2. 2
    Keith says:

    OT, but *something* on this site that went up in the last half hour is crashing IE8/Win7 continuously. This has happened a couple of other times (last time a few weeks ago), and I’ve been getting through by dropping the browser’s rendering mode down to IE7, but otherwise, it’s something that crashes very consistently when viewing this page (as an FYI, IE8 generally doesn’t like this page’s markup and normally tries to auto-downgrade to IE7 rather than crash)

  3. 3

    They passed over Miami because, in the words of Tom Tancredo, it’s a “third-world capital”?

  4. 4
    stuckinred says:

    Orrin with his sweet little lisp and his big ol’ blunderbuss. . . priceleth.

  5. 5
    El Cid says:

    It’s not that the Constitution is anti-Constitutional. It’s that it’s against the spirit of the Founding Fathers for people to read its actual words for themselves.

    The Constitution cannot be allowed to stand on its own and must be interpreted by Rand’s representatives here on earth, the TeaTards.

    This will always be the case until they come out with that mini-Constitution which has only Article II and the 2nd and 10th Amendments, which are the only parts of the Constitution which count, anyway.

  6. 6
    El Cid says:

    O/T: Footage found from Henri Cartier Bresson’s filming of the Abraham Lincoln Brigade relaxing with and training with Spanish recruits in 1937 of the Spanish Civil War.

  7. 7

    Maine GOP’s schizoid — there’s the elected-officials Maine GOP and the initiative-and-referendum Maine GOP. They largely exist independently of each other, and the latter is run by teahadis.

    The capture of the Maine state GOP by teahadi fighters is the doing of the second faction, the geniuses who passed this by referendum in 1987: “”Every citizen has a right to keep and bear arms and this right shall never be questioned.” (No pesky ‘common defense’ — stripped from the 1819 version — and we’ll have no discussion of alternatives, thank you. I never realized a generation of Maine high school students risked jail for me in the name of speech and debate class. The latter clause was a common part of suggested Constitutional fixes to address the slavery issue in the 1830’s, 40’s, and 50’s )

    They get a TABOR-style referendum on the ballot every couple of years, and are staunchly defending us from teh ghey. Jasper Wyman’s blueberry money funded the operation for years.

    The elected-official Maine state GOP is crazy, too, in a general Republican way, but they’re fairly high-functioning and can be produced in public with only a modicum of embarrassment resulting.

  8. 8
    bob h says:


  9. 9

    Note to teachers in Maine: Mouse traps.

    That is all.

    Yes, a bunch of Republicans called a guy named McCarthy to complain that the Constitution was “anti-American”.

    $100 says he gets more calls when the teacher isn’t fired.
    $50 says some of them launch a campaign to outlaw soshualist studes their skools.

  10. 10

    Reading the Globe this morning, I see Maine GOP candidates are running away from the Maine GOP platform:

  11. 11
    nanute says:

    Slightly off topic, perhaps not. Over at Free Republic critics are making the argument that Kagan’s a commie for putting free tampons in the ladies room at Harvard. I shit you not. http://www.freerepublic.com/fo.....2251/posts
    Hoisted from Roy’s place.

  12. 12

    what is wrong with this country? Maine? WTF?

    ETA: There should be laws about theft for this bullshit. Really, what a bunch of thieving little brats.

  13. 13

    OT, but did you know that the inimitable Charles Pierce has a blog?

    You may not have noticed, but the imaginative and entertaining primates in state legislatures other than ours have taken up the cause of people who want to bring their guns into bars, because the Second Amendment protects their right to get the waitress’ attention by popping a cap into the Golden Tee machine. Because of this, I believe, those of us in the sports end of things are forced into a radical reappraisal of Plaxico Burress, who now appears to be a champion of human freedom whose only crime was to be ahead of his time


  14. 14
    Rosalita says:

    “sparkly underpowered weapon…” Hatch is a vampire?

  15. 15
    MikeJ says:

    @Keith:It’s gotta be an ad. I fired up ie and it worked fine (in compat mode), but on reload it crashed.

    I don’t have flash installed on the machine with ie, so it’s not one of those ads.

  16. 16
    Mike Kay says:

    hopefully the teabaggers can knock out olympia Snowe in the 2012 primary.

  17. 17
    cleek says:

    @El Cid:
    so it’s like Scientology, but for lawyers ?

    … and then, 25,000 years ago, the Great Galactic Counsel delivered the Writ Of Betans to the Supremely Grand Jury, but it was improperly notarized (because Notarizor was in cahoots with the Evil Opposing Counsel and smudged the seal). so the Supremely Grand Jury was forced to find the Great Galactic Counsel in Contempt of Space Court, and sentenced him to spend eternity in the middle of the volcano planet, Jactitation IV. and there he stayed until the Kaganzo The Clerk exploded the planet with a thousand H bombs, releasing the souls of a billion lawyers into the universe.

    and unto this day, these souls, which we call “tortzillas” wander the universe, seeking to create new legal issues to trouble the minds of all otherwise-intelligent beings.

    but you aren’t ready to learn the rest of the story, yet. for that, you will need to bring me another $3,000.

  18. 18
    Ash Can says:

    The shitheads who vandalized the classroom in Maine did it because they think the whole idea of education is unconstitutional.

    And if the GOP wants to go to Tampa in the summer, it’s fine by me. (Those guys never were known for their smarts, were they?)

  19. 19

    @Mike Kay: I was sure, for this reason and others, she’d end up her career in politics with two automatic terms as governor, a post her husband held….

  20. 20
    Violet says:

    From the school article:

    “School is about the exploration of ideas,” Thompson said. “People need to respect that, regardless of their political party.”

    Boy does she have that wrong. School isn’t about the exploration of ideas. School is about learning what you are told to learn, in the way you’re told to learn it. Exploration of ideas is dangerous and scary. People might end up not agreeing with you! No wonder the Republicans torn down the poster and replaced it with another, better one.

  21. 21
    Montysano says:

    I went to the Tampa Convention and Visitors web site. Not a word about lap dances, or “hard core death metal”. Oh Tampa, where is ur municipal pride?

  22. 22
    PurpleGirl says:

    @cleek: LOL. I nominate cleek for a new shiny internet.

  23. 23
    flukebucket says:

    Elena should have told Orrin that happiness is a warm gun.

  24. 24
    Bill E Pilgrim says:


    these souls, which we call “tortzillas” wander the universe

    Man, they are so going to get their ID checked in Arizona with a name like that.

    Their legal alien immigration papers from the planet Tralfamavota better be in order.

  25. 25
    demo woman says:

    Yesterday, I read the article about McCarthy not because of Wonkette but because of a BJ comment. I think it was Lisa.

  26. 26
    PanAmerican says:

    From Minneapolis to Tampa. Tells you all ya need to know about what they’re looking at in 2012. Remember when McCain was gonna win Pennsylvania? Hope springs eternal, I guess. Phoenix (or Atlanta) would be where it could actually help hold onto a state.

  27. 27

    There are no serious people left in politics. Every idiot with a computer can now publish political porn, and nothing sells like porn. And since everything is for sale, even the serious people have given up and put up signs for their own Acme Brand of nonsense. And for liberals, all you need to do is claim Bush might have once bought something similar and the drivel will sell like hotcakes. For wingnuts, since they are allergic to facts, make sure none are included, and you will get rich.

    The internet is the Walmart of information

  28. 28
    Jim Newell says:

    Ha ha you called me a journalist.

  29. 29
    D.N. Nation says:

    Phoenix (or Atlanta) would be where it could actually help hold onto a state.

    Atlanta resident here.

    I look forward to their use of our transit system without irony.

  30. 30
    El Cid says:

    @cleek: I was thinking more along the lines of when the Catholic Church hierarchy opposed translating the Bible into the common vulgar languages to be read instead of retaining only Latin presentations by priests who were to tell people what it read and meant.

    But Scientology may be a better analogy for ridiculousness, but it suggests too much coherence and behind-the-scenes clear thought rather than the bat-shit crazy collection of TeaTards, militia types, and Ayn Rand jackoffs and their contradictory swarm of nonsense.

  31. 31
    Redshirt says:

    @Jim Newell: How would you describe yourself? Journo-Jester?

  32. 32
    Steeplejack says:


    You want Tampa’s “municipal pride”? Two words: Mons Venus. (Definitely NSFW.) And about 50 other strip clubs. I don’t know why, but Tampa is a Mecca of strip clubs. Maybe the Republicans are making the hajj.

  33. 33
    ChockFullO'Nuts says:

    I think I am in love with this commercial.

  34. 34

    @ChockFullO’Nuts: Ha! I agree. Pandas are the best. Great link.

  35. 35
    frankdawg says:

    While I get a kick out of reading Wonkette I hate her. Its not really her fault but she shows up on my TV as a ‘liberal blogger’ – she made her fame admitting to anal sex with Republican Congressmen & staffers, not as a liberal. She may not know it but they are laughing AT her not with her. “See, libs are not serious, they are butthumpers”.

    BTW – I wrote that originally as “made her bones admitting” then thought better of it.

  36. 36
    merrinc says:

    Thou Shalt Not Steal unless it’s something which offends your political sensibilities.

  37. 37
    bago says:

    @frankdawg: You’re just jealous because you didn’t make the cocktober-blovember segue.

  38. 38
    Comrade Darkness says:

    @frankdawg: I think the chick you are referring to isn’t on the blog much anymore. The only posters I ever see are Ken and Jim and Josh. Oh and some abused intern named Riley. Unless the chick you are referring to is a trannie, which is possible.

  39. 39


    While I get a kick out of reading Wonkette I hate her. Its not really her fault but she shows up on my TV as a ‘liberal blogger’ – she made her fame admitting to anal sex with Republican Congressmen & staffers, not as a liberal. She may not know it but they are laughing AT her not with her. “See, libs are not serious, they are butthumpers”.

    So that’s why Lindsey Graham keeps getting re-elected. It’s not that he’s a Republican, he’s a butthumper. Or butthumpee as the case may be, Lindsey strikes me as much more of a catcher than a pitcher if you get my drift.

  40. 40
    Nutella says:

    Orrin Hatch forced Kagan to admire his sparkly yet underpowered antique weapon, in front of the cameras

    How many times do I have to tell you that I am sick and tired of hearing about Kagan’s sex life?

  41. 41
    daveinboca says:

    Better than trashing the classroom like leftoid fucktards would have done, you know, the druggie slackers who go to Demonrat conventions.

Comments are closed.