The efforts to stop the Gulf spill are sounding more than vaguely pornographic: BP’s next plan for oil spill includes ‘top hat’ and ‘junk shot’. What’s next? A ‘rusty trombone’ followed by a ‘blumpkin’?
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[…] the execs had better things to do than be held accountable for their actions. In BP’s case, such things include “top hats” and “junk shots”, terminology that isn’t particularly reassuring to say the least. Concerns continue to mount […]
victory
They will need to do a rim job on that gaping hole.
Comrade Jake
Two girls, one oil rig.
r€nato
It’s hard to clean up after a dirty sanchez.
gnomedad
A shot in the junk might be helpful.
Hunter Gathers
A money shot wouldn’t hurt.
rootless_e
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2010/5/11/865387/-Fishgrease:-DKos-Booming-School
http://www.nola.com/news/gulf-oil-spill/index.ssf/2010/05/gas_surge_shut_well_just_weeks.html
rootless_e
http://www.nola.com/news/gulf-oil-spill/index.ssf/2010/05/gas_surge_shut_well_just_weeks.html
aimai
I saw those suggestions on some respectable news site and I thought I was skimming a parody blog. Thanks for making it clear that I wasn’t the only one with a dirty mind.
aimai
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
Hurray for the Marvel ads!
When I loaded the page I had a Marvel ad on the top left side bar and one right in the middle between the thread and the comments.
I’ll gladly click through.
Comrade Javamanphil
Perhaps they could teabag it?
chopper
maybe they could try a minnesota timeline, or a kilty monroe.
seriously, ‘junk shot’? wasn’t that used in that palin-lookalike porn or something?
Mike Kay
lay that pipe!
stuckinred
@chopper: Or a mexican cartwheel
brendancalling
all kidding aside, it’s pretty sad to watch all parties involved flailing about for a solution which, at least at this time, doesn’t seem to exist.
It’s like watching the Kubler-Ross stages of grief. We’re still in the denial –“it’s not permanent, we can fix it, honest! The cap didn’t work… um… well, umm… let’s taunt the leak! Maybe that’ll fix it– because the truth is just too much to handle.
They opened a massive toxic gusher into our biggest fisheries (and the source of the Gulf Stream current), and now they can’t stop the cancer from spreading.
In another couple of days, BP and the rest will have sunk to suggesting duct tape as a solution.
cleek
my wife and i have always loved greasy squids and cajun tarballs. and a slick fish or a Texas sheen can really spice things up. the gulf coasties really need to relax and let nature flow!
Mike Kay
Gushers leave quite a mess.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Release the Cleveland Steamer!
Fizziled.
aimai
@kommrade reproductive vigor: FTMFW now and for ever.
aimai
J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford
Now I’m getting World Soccer Shop and eBay ads. Are the ads determined by one’s surfing history?
Bill E Pilgrim
I always thought that “Drill baby, drill” was supposed to be vaguely pornographic, I mean by intention.
And our saying “Okay, if you must, at least use some goddamn protection” fell on deaf ears once again….
Bill E Pilgrim
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford: I get French dating site ads.
I never know what the rest of you are talking about.
PS: and no, not based on having visited any. But I get curious sometimes now that I see the ads.
stuckinred
@Bill E Pilgrim: Mine are generally from Swim Outlet but I booked a trip to the Outer Banks and now some of those are showing up too.
Hypnos
I get flight offers to Buenos Aires.
No, I’m not a Nazi war criminal.
I just booked my flight on sunday. Maybe the ads think I’d like to send my bags in a different plane?
OT: this needs to be pasted everywhere. The spill is Bush’ fucking fault!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-f-kennedy-jr/sex-lies-and-oil-spills_b_564163.html
mr. whipple
@stuckinred:
I was shopping for a Filson jacket a week or so ago, and it seemed like Filson ads were popping up on a lot of sites I visited.
The technology is impressive, I guess.
PeakVT
All these related-content ads are reading some cookie on your computer. I haven’t figured out which site is setting it yet, but as soon as I do I’m going block it.
Bill E Pilgrim
I’d love to see Dick Cheney’s Balloon Juice interface. I’ve never seen ads about size enhancement products for a man-sized safe.
South of I-10
@rootless_e: I was just about to post this article, you beat me to it. It really makes me sick. They had ongoing problems with this well kicking and extracted the mud anyway. They are still trying to salvage the well, not just shut it down.
EdTheRed
They’re going to bring in giant fans to try to blow the slick over to the Mexican coast. They’re calling it the “Dirty Sanchez.”
Michael D.
Seriously? I get to look at this for the next few days here now?
4tehlulz
A hot carl might seal that shit up.
flukebucket
@Michael D.:
If only that ad could talk.
J.
Did Eli Lilly make that drill?
Now you know what happens when you maintain an underwater erection for more than four hours.
Bill E Pilgrim
@EdTheRed:
I’m pretty sure those would be Dodger fans, Giant fans are a little too far north to blow that far
MikeJ
@Michael D.: That’s awesome. Imagine how much money those idiots are wasting advertising to people who are now more likely to donate to Barney Frank.
AhabTRuler
South of I-10: Why do you say that they are trying to salvage the well? My (limited) understandung is that it is not possible to do so. Once the relief wells intercept the existing bore and kill the well, the original borehole will be reentered so that it can be permanetly plugged and abandoned.
Scuffletuffle
@Michael D.: Love, love, love that photo!
catclub
After they discussed the tophat, I thought the next efforts would involve a cane and spats.
As far as I can think, there are no nasty implications of ‘spats’.
Now I am going to wait to be proved wrong.
Rosalita
@cleek:
Man, am I behind on my vernacular… I’m trying to figure out what all of those are…
Randy P
@catclub: Well, I wouldn’t trust the Urban Dictionary. I’ve heard there’s a game where you make terms up and try to get them listed, or better yet, adopted by other people and actually used. I can’t say that I’ve ever run into the Sanchez or trombone references outside of the Urban Dictionary. But I’m a middle-to-old-fart so maybe it’s just me. And the people I hang out with.
So with that in mind, feel free to create the entry for “spats”.
And as for top hat, cane and spats, I suppose most people think of Fred Astaire. I think of Peter Boyle in Young Frankenstein. Again, maybe that’s just me.
Linda Featheringill
@AhabTRuler: BP salvaging the well:
Comments to newspaper articles from Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida frequently include suspicion that BP is not doing enough because they want to save the well for future production.
I don’t have enough knowledge/information to confirm or deny the allegation.
Punchy
This is a real shocker. What they need is a bigger boat, perhaps a Cleveland Steamer. Drill, wait for the gusher, add a junk shot, save the oysters, then admire their pearl necklace.
Linda Featheringill
@Randy P: I am also older and therefore relatively innocent. I googled “junk shot” so I could find out about the technical process of trying to stop a gushing well.
I found more than I was looking for. :-)
JD
Has BP tried the “long stroke” yet?
Randy P
Anybody been through the ticket hearing process? I just went through Philly’s for the first time. I got a $300 ticket for parking in a handicapped spot that was so poorly marked it took me 10 minutes to figure out what I was being ticketed for.
No judge, just a hearing examiner. No chance for a reduction in the fine. No need for the ticketing officer to show up. In fact, I had to sign a paper saying that just getting a ticket was prima facie evidence that the violation had occurred and therefore there was no need for the officer to testify. Is that a little rigged or what? And what was the point of the hearing then?
In my previous residence (MD outside DC), people who went to court to appeal a ticket would routinely get the fines reduced or if the officer didn’t show up, dismissed. And while often officers would perjure themselves (who’s going to prove them wrong?) I never heard this “prima facie evidence” thing. DC in particular was notorious for “expired meter” tickets being written a couple of minutes before the meter actually expired.
Is Philly’s system unusually rigged, or is this just the difference between moving violations and parking tickets?
Linda Featheringill
More on comments from Gulf Coast residents:
1. Several of them blame Dick Cheney. They say that he gutted the MMS and put his syncophants into place and they just turned the oil industry loose and this is what happened.
No, they didn’t mention members of the MMS going to bed with some of the folks they were supposed to be regulating.
2. There is some recurring concern for “black rain.” This would happen if a hurricane picked up oil from the surface of the Gulf, brought it inland, and dropped it with the rain.
Rosalita
@Randy P:
Sounds like they are trying to avoid the dismissals if the cop doesn’t show. Money, money, money. Not that I live there, but that’s what looks like.
QuaintIrene
Regardless that it seems the three Stooges are running BP, isn’t there someone in the entire world who studies this stuff and has some kind of expertise on how to handle this?
AhabTRuler
@38: Interesting. Accd to an oil geologist at the oil drum, salvaging the well is not possible, and it seems unlikely that BP would delay capping a billion dollar leak to save a ~$150 million well.
Randy P
@AhabTRuler: That’s my understanding too. They are drilling a relief well to tap the same oil deposit. We all knew that already. There’s nothing to save in the old well.
While I wouldn’t be surprised at any dirty tricks by an oil company designed to squeeze out some extra profit, it’s hard to see how it helps them to be dumping a salable commodity into the gulf day after day. Unless they’re speculating against their own stock price or something.
Xenos
As for ads, I get Swimoutlet.com, probably because I buy stuff there a couple times each year. And now I am getting NC-produced anti-Tim Cahill ads (Cahill is a third-party candidate for Governor in Mass.) So someone is reading my cookies, I guess.
I am also getting rental car ads for great rates for visiting the US, which is pretty impressive since I won’t be moving to Europe until June.
flukebucket
@Linda Featheringill:
I know the feeling. These damn kids and their oysters and pearl necklaces.
Oh to be young again.
jwb
@PeakVT: If you find out, please let us all know.
stuckinred
@flukebucket:
That’s when a sport was a sport
And groovin’ was groovin’
And dancin’ meant everything
We were young and we were improvin’
Laughin’, laughin’ with our friends
Holdin’ hands meant somethin’, baby
Outside the club, ‘Cherry Bomb’
Our hearts were really thumpin’
ellaesther
@Michael D.: But the lettering is all pink and fruity and funny! LOL!!1!
Srsly. That’s a piece of shit.
But more srsly? The headline to this post pretty much sums it up – just: Desperation.
Ta-Nehisi Coates posted a link to a starkly terrifying graphic that James Fallows has posted: http://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2010/05/if-you-think-you-have-a-sense-of-the-oil-spills-scale/56425/
Randy P
@flukebucket:
There’s a difference between being innocent and being innocent of the terminology. And that’s all I’ll say about that subject.
Poopyman
@J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford:
Apparently. I get Cabela’s and telescopes.com. I doubt anybody else gets the latter one.
Fern
I have clearly led a sheltered life.
Bulworth
Meanwhile
http://www.eschatonblog.com/2010/05/psychotic-death-cult.html
victory
http://paulrademacher.com/oilspill/
google earth is neat
Randy P
@Bulworth: I believe it was Janeane Garofalo who said “at this point, still being a Republican should be taken as evidence of mental illness”. And that was probably 5 years ago.
@Michael D.: You made me decide to take the American Morality Survey and screw up their statistics. Edit: Never mind. No stats. Just a front for a donation page.
slag
Honestly, I’m just feeling very relieved that I don’t know what these things are.
@ellaesther:
Yeah. That graphic has been haunting me ever since I saw it. And starkly terrifying is a good descriptor. Disturbing as hell is how I thought of it.
Poopyman
@catclub:
Not nasty, but “spat” is the name for the larval stage of an oyster. So I think not only are we going to see a massive spat kill, I’m guessing they’ll try importing spat to repopulate the region in a decade or two after most of the devastation has subsided.
Glad to make your day a bit brighter.
Linda Featheringill
@Randy P:
Moi?! But sir! I am a lady!
[hee-hee] :-)
flukebucket
@stuckinred:
But it eventually comes to this
@Randy P:
Around here I am constantly finding out the names of things that I never knew existed. I may never be able to snorkel again.
Waldo
If the rape of your environment is inevitable …
Xenos
@Fern: Let me guess — you went to college between 1983 and 1994 (between the spread of AIDS and AZT)?
I think there is a subgeneration that had a more modest young adulthood than those before and after it.
Felonious Wench
I used to work for BP. Lasted 6 months. Only time I walked off a job without another one lined up.
Fun BP Fact: If you go to their corporate headquarters in Houston, a very large flock of vultures lives there. They live in the trees and nest on the roofs. They regularly fly into windows while you’re working.
Horrible, horrible company, and the minute I heard about the rig going under, I said “Had to be BP.” Yep.
slippy
@cleek: That is essentially what Rush Limpbrain has been saying. I would like to force-feed him some blackened shrimp or fowl and see if he still says that afterwards. Or maybe drag him to the oil-slicked shore and make him go for a swim.
slippy
@QuaintIrene: I don’t think so. And I think until they do, nobody should be drilling in such an impossible-to-manage environment.
All this to garner what would have been a 15-day supply of oil. Pathetic.
Maude
@PeakVT:
If you use Facebook or any links to Facebook, the ads are targeted.
Remember November
Gulf of Mexico- Dirty Sanchez.
fucen tarmal
clearly we start with arabian goggles, multiple louisiana lane changes, then we use the resulting santorum to aid in a illusive dog in a bathtub. if this fails, we track down all the decision makers and give them electric chairs on pay per view.
trollhattan
Has anybody seen Kaus recently?
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2011834629_apwaferndalegoatsex.html
Fern
@Xenos: Ha! Considerably earlier than that!
binzinerator
@AhabTRuler:
Lemme guess… this is known as Ram, Jam and Scram.
They should get Levi Johnston to advise, he has some expertise in this field.
binzinerator
@binzinerator:
And Bristol Palin can advise on ‘humped, pumped and dumped’.
Americanadian
@binzinerator: When your mom goes around saying “Drill, baby, drill” it’s hard not to get the wrong idea.
brendancalling
@Randy P:
welcome to Philadelphia. The parking rules here are a clusterfuck. they hit you as hard as they can: it’s a GOP patronage operation that promised to fund our public schools, but has pretty much kept the money to themselves.
Bike, walk, or take SEPTA. seriously.
Zuzu's Petals
That interview with Prof. Bea that rootless-e linked to made me deeply sad.
My son called on Mother’s Day and we had a long talk about the DWH, his old rig. He’s been in touch with some of his old crewmates (turns out he knew all nine of the Transocean guys who died), and to say they’re in a state of shock is an understatement. They were always justly proud of their rig, their safety record, and the high level of professionalism they brought to their jobs…which just adds one more level to the betrayal evidenced in this article.
Just my opinion.