It is a primal confrontation between the will to power and the power of love in Hitler Meets Christ, Brendan Keown’s independent film treatment of Big Hollywood contributor Michael Moriarty’s screenplay adapted from his original stage play Hitler and Christ Meet Death at the Port Authority Bus Terminal, now available on DVD.
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Scott
What. The. Fuck.
It’s all drama and soaring music until the end, then it’s the Ministry of Silly Walks.
I assume Hitler redeems at the end and becomes a good teabagger, right? It ain’t like I’m gonna read Not-So-Breitbart’s site for the glowing review…
Zifnab
I don’t get it.
Omnes Omnibus
Eep.
TR
My thoughts exactly. Jesus Christ, that looks fucking awful.
Ash Can
I suppose I’d rather have these guys making movies like this than breaking my garage windows and stealing my garbage can lids.
Crashman
Look forward to the sequel in 2011: Mohamed meets Eli Whitney!
C Nelson Reilly
I’m waiting for the 3D version of Pol Pot Meets the Buddah
Ella in NM
What in God’s name is this? It can’t be real.
scav
I wanted to seriously hurt the composer for overuse of clichés but then I thought “Why single him out?”.
Crashman
Brendan Keown could make a very profitable series of Buddy Cop flicks using this premise.
SpotWeld
I think Big Hollywood has gotten into the brown acid
flukebucket
Ahhh the fresh air at Balloon-Juice. Smells like…..victory!
El Cid
The only reason this isn’t playing in 12,000 theaters around the nation and hitting #1 at the box office is because of the librul Hollywood God-hating secularist leftists.
JoePo
It looked like a trailer at the beginning of Tropic Thunder
daryljfontaine
Starring Michael Moriarty as Adolf “I Coulda Been A Contender” Hitler and Wyatt Page as Jesus “Closeted Republican Political Figure” Christ.
I believe I will go watch Hudson Hawk again to get the taste of that clip out of my brain.
D
LuciaMia
Oh, Michael, you should have stayed on ‘Law and Order.’
LarsThorwald
“Whatever you are — god or genius, whatever — I hate you. Because you are two-faced! I Hate two-faced people!”
That, brothers and sisters, is powerful, powerful looking writing and acting. You know how you know? Because it is written to look powerful. And acted in a manner meant to look like its acted powerfully.
Of course, it’s not actually powerful writing, or powerful acting. It looks like what powerful writing and acting are supposed to look like.
And that, my friends, is the difference between serious drama and a piece of shit film begging you to give it the mockery it so richly deserves.
TR
Technically, isn’t Jesus three-faced, what with the Holy Trinity and all?
Lester'sDollHouse
From the BigHollywood “review”:
Oh yes, auteur Jonahan Benny switched the color setting on his Canon Powershot 850IS to ‘black and white’ and went for it. Using amazing techniques such as “cropping” and “fade-outs” Mr. Benny heralds a new age in totally shitty, conservative filmmaking. Oh my….
The Moar You Know
Why is Christ in a suit? Why is Hitler in a hoodie?
I’m going to go hide in the basement for a while. My culture is apparently coming unglued.
frankdawg
I laughed, I cried, I threw up in my mouth – A LOT!
Yikes, dimbart really has a winner on his hands with this. normal, decent people with eating disorders can safely use this clip to replace the ol finger down the throat.
kommrade reproductive vigor
Hitler looks NOTHING like Obama in the still. Phooey!
(You think I’m going to play the clip? Not when I intend to eat this week.)
Bubblegum Tate
@JoePo:
I was going to say it looks like a student film, but I don’t want to insult students like that.
Evil Bender
I can no longer tell High Wingnut from satire. I have lost hope.
I feel like Eric Cartman in a world where High School Musical is popular–what’s the point of going on?
LarsThorwald
This, from the Breitbart review’s comments section:
That’s exactly correct. But also, um, wait a moment…Let me throw this out there. Maybe Hitler is seen as the “personification of evil” has something to do with invading several sovereign nations and exterminating 6 million Jews in an attempt at genocide on the European continent. Just, you know, throwin’ that out there, too. Also.
Sloegin
Conveniently ignoring the fact that Hitler had already met Christ (he was a good Catholic boy), then went on to become… well… Hitler.
Bnut
@LarsThorwald:
Yup, cuz we all think Stalin was a swell person. Those asshole Ukrainians had it coming in ’32.
IndieTarheel
You know who else was into crappy cinema?
__
Oh, wait…
LuciaMia
I think that clip broke the thread. Is anybody else seeing lines through every sentence?
jank_w
@Crashman:
Hey, I just got done making a buddy cop flick the other day, who knew I should have cast Cthulhu and the FSM? I’m like uh always like behind on these trends… maybe I should just buy a pair of Crocs and admit defeat.
flukebucket
@LuciaMia:
Anytime that happens I just change browsers from IE to Firefox and the problem no longer exists.
Jason T.
As the years go by, I miss Spy magazine more and more. I can see it now:
“Oscar is goose-stepping his way to Michael Moriarty’s bunker, and He’s turning celluloid into Golden Globes!”
— Walter Monheit (TM)
Ecks
The Hitler meets Jesus thing works much better as a buddy road trip movie. Seriously, this is the best trailer ever.
smith
Oh this movie will bring in the box office bucks just like “An American Carol” did. Oh wait, you mean that movie tanked?
themann1086
What is this I don’t even-
Bill E Pilgrim
Waiting for Wolverines.
licensed to kill time
@LuciaMia:
I never see the strikethroughs in Firefox, but I think it was the hyphen bomb in comment #18 that started it. Lately when anyone uses a space then a hyphen to strike through a word, it seems to create an uncloseable strikethrough tag which cannot be closed by normal methods.
Ban the Hyphen Bomb!
DanF
Parody just died.
Bill E Pilgrim
@DanF:
No, he’s just pining for the Fiords.
HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist
The dialogue is so compelling that the trailer editor elected to cover most of it with soaring music. Because there’s nothing as riveting as watching two guys mouth words to each other.
DanF
@Bill E Pilgrim: E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parody is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!
de stijl
@Bill E Pilgrim:
Well done, sir. Bravo! I applaud your genius and offer you the internet as a prize.
@HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist:
Aren’t you also a philanthropist, and… uh… bicyclist?
Tom
Hilter drips ketchup on his shirt biting into a hot dog while Christ picks up his discarded cigar with the tip of his umbrella before brow beating him!
de stijl
After Moriarty put his finger in his mouth like it was a gun, I thought Jesus’ next line was gonna be “I am too old for this shit.”
Tom
Boy, it keeps getting better:
Wow, you say more surprises than making Hilter a slob and Chirst fastidious? I don’t know, that’s quite a shock to the conventions of “indie-filmmaking.” Not sure I can handle any more bold, brave decisions decisions like that.
Excuse me, I’d like to exchange the ticket I just purchased to this film for a bullet to the head.
nota bene
The best part? He’s got a gray beard going, and thoughtfully applied a dollop of Just For Men so you can’t miss that he’s supposed to be, you know, Hitler.
Scratch that. I think that was the worst part, actually.
And I’m trying not to wonder what “Third Tribe” is supposed to be a reference to….
asiangrrlMN
The hell? I thought it was going to be a satire, but then I saw the Breitbart link and connection. Then, I thought, OK, it’s only a minute or two. Can’t be that bad. I made it through that piece by the asshat at Reason, I can watch this.
Now, more mind bleach is needed, and worse yet, I don’t even know why I’m so disgusted because I didn’t understand a fucking thing that went on in that clip. Oh, and FYWP for the nesting comments.
@de stijl: Now that I would have understand and appreciated.
K488
@scav: It is worth remembering that Michael Moriarty is himself a composer of music like that heard here, so you may not be singling out the composer at all! I’ll bet dimes to doughnuts those are his tunes.
de stijl
@K488:
Moriarty is like the love child of Orson Welles and John Carpenter!
vernonlee
I sincerely hope all in this thread click on Ecks @ 33’s link to Jesus & Hitler roadtrip trailer. Seriously. Dude.
alex
I loved it. I just wish it were called Goofus Meets Gallant.
frankdawg
@alex:
Dam it you just beat me to it! I was going to ask if this was a new feature in Highlights.
Hitler & Jesus:
Hitler sneezes on everyone
Jesus covers his mouth when he sneezes
KevinNYC
@KevinNYC: Hitler was from the right? Geez, I mean, maybe Glenn Beck is wrong.
Woodrowfan
For real?? Then this will either be really, really good, or one of the all-time stinkers, making Isthar look like Citizen Cain…
I am leaning towards “Isthar”
Jason
This movie will be made of win in the same way that Plan 9 from Outer Space was made of win.
So…WTF is Third Tribe? I get the feeling its supposed to be something out of Moriarty’s acid-fueled delusions but I don’t know what.
lumpenprole
I’d pay to see “Moses Meets Stalin.” I think. Not sure, after that.