Conservative cinema

This made me laugh:

It is a primal confrontation between the will to power and the power of love in Hitler Meets Christ, Brendan Keown’s independent film treatment of Big Hollywood contributor Michael Moriarty’s screenplay adapted from his original stage play Hitler and Christ Meet Death at the Port Authority Bus Terminal, now available on DVD.






56 replies
  1. 1
    Scott says:

    What. The. Fuck.

    It’s all drama and soaring music until the end, then it’s the Ministry of Silly Walks.

    I assume Hitler redeems at the end and becomes a good teabagger, right? It ain’t like I’m gonna read Not-So-Breitbart’s site for the glowing review…

  2. 2
    Zifnab says:

    I don’t get it.

  3. 3
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Eep.

  4. 4
    TR says:

    It’s all drama and soaring music until the end, then it’s the Ministry of Silly Walks.

    My thoughts exactly. Jesus Christ, that looks fucking awful.

  5. 5
    Ash Can says:

    I suppose I’d rather have these guys making movies like this than breaking my garage windows and stealing my garbage can lids.

  6. 6
    Crashman says:

    Look forward to the sequel in 2011: Mohamed meets Eli Whitney!

  7. 7
    C Nelson Reilly says:

    I’m waiting for the 3D version of Pol Pot Meets the Buddah

  8. 8
    Ella in NM says:

    What in God’s name is this? It can’t be real.

  9. 9
    scav says:

    I wanted to seriously hurt the composer for overuse of clichés but then I thought “Why single him out?”.

  10. 10
    Crashman says:

    Brendan Keown could make a very profitable series of Buddy Cop flicks using this premise.

  11. 11
    SpotWeld says:

    I think Big Hollywood has gotten into the brown acid

  12. 12
    flukebucket says:

    Look forward to the sequel in 2011: Mohamed meets Eli Whitney!

    Ahhh the fresh air at Balloon-Juice. Smells like…..victory!

  13. 13
    El Cid says:

    The only reason this isn’t playing in 12,000 theaters around the nation and hitting #1 at the box office is because of the librul Hollywood God-hating secularist leftists.

  14. 14
    JoePo says:

    It looked like a trailer at the beginning of Tropic Thunder

  15. 15
    daryljfontaine says:

    Starring Michael Moriarty as Adolf “I Coulda Been A Contender” Hitler and Wyatt Page as Jesus “Closeted Republican Political Figure” Christ.

    I believe I will go watch Hudson Hawk again to get the taste of that clip out of my brain.

    D

  16. 16
    LuciaMia says:

    Oh, Michael, you should have stayed on ‘Law and Order.’

  17. 17
    LarsThorwald says:

    “Whatever you are — god or genius, whatever — I hate you. Because you are two-faced! I Hate two-faced people!”

    That, brothers and sisters, is powerful, powerful looking writing and acting. You know how you know? Because it is written to look powerful. And acted in a manner meant to look like its acted powerfully.

    Of course, it’s not actually powerful writing, or powerful acting. It looks like what powerful writing and acting are supposed to look like.

    And that, my friends, is the difference between serious drama and a piece of shit film begging you to give it the mockery it so richly deserves.

  18. 18
    TR says:

    Technically, isn’t Jesus three-faced, what with the Holy Trinity and all?

  19. 19
    Lester'sDollHouse says:

    From the BigHollywood “review”:

    Lensed in an evocative black-and-white by A. Jonathan Benny

    Oh yes, auteur Jonahan Benny switched the color setting on his Canon Powershot 850IS to ‘black and white’ and went for it. Using amazing techniques such as “cropping” and “fade-outs” Mr. Benny heralds a new age in totally shitty, conservative filmmaking. Oh my….

  20. 20
    The Moar You Know says:

    Why is Christ in a suit? Why is Hitler in a hoodie?

    I’m going to go hide in the basement for a while. My culture is apparently coming unglued.

  21. 21
    frankdawg says:

    I laughed, I cried, I threw up in my mouth – A LOT!

    Yikes, dimbart really has a winner on his hands with this. normal, decent people with eating disorders can safely use this clip to replace the ol finger down the throat.

  22. 22

    Hitler looks NOTHING like Obama in the still. Phooey!

    (You think I’m going to play the clip? Not when I intend to eat this week.)

  23. 23
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    @JoePo:

    I was going to say it looks like a student film, but I don’t want to insult students like that.

  24. 24

    I can no longer tell High Wingnut from satire. I have lost hope.

    I feel like Eric Cartman in a world where High School Musical is popular–what’s the point of going on?

  25. 25
    LarsThorwald says:

    This, from the Breitbart review’s comments section:

    yes hitler was a pig but the main reason that hollywod and leftists see him and promote as the personification of evil is that he is from the “right”

    That’s exactly correct. But also, um, wait a moment…Let me throw this out there. Maybe Hitler is seen as the “personification of evil” has something to do with invading several sovereign nations and exterminating 6 million Jews in an attempt at genocide on the European continent. Just, you know, throwin’ that out there, too. Also.

  26. 26
    Sloegin says:

    Conveniently ignoring the fact that Hitler had already met Christ (he was a good Catholic boy), then went on to become… well… Hitler.

  27. 27
    Bnut says:

    @LarsThorwald:

    yes hitler was a pig but the main reason that hollywod and leftists see him and promote as the personification of evil is that he is from the “right”

    Yup, cuz we all think Stalin was a swell person. Those asshole Ukrainians had it coming in ’32.

  28. 28
    IndieTarheel says:

    You know who else was into crappy cinema?
    __
    Oh, wait…

  29. 29
    LuciaMia says:

    I think that clip broke the thread. Is anybody else seeing lines through every sentence?

  30. 30
    jank_w says:

    @Crashman:

    Hey, I just got done making a buddy cop flick the other day, who knew I should have cast Cthulhu and the FSM? I’m like uh always like behind on these trends… maybe I should just buy a pair of Crocs and admit defeat.

  31. 31
    flukebucket says:

    @LuciaMia:

    Anytime that happens I just change browsers from IE to Firefox and the problem no longer exists.

  32. 32
    Jason T. says:

    As the years go by, I miss Spy magazine more and more. I can see it now:

    “Oscar is goose-stepping his way to Michael Moriarty’s bunker, and He’s turning celluloid into Golden Globes!”
    — Walter Monheit (TM)

  33. 33
    Ecks says:

    The Hitler meets Jesus thing works much better as a buddy road trip movie. Seriously, this is the best trailer ever.

  34. 34
    smith says:

    Oh this movie will bring in the box office bucks just like “An American Carol” did. Oh wait, you mean that movie tanked?

  35. 35

    What is this I don’t even-

  36. 36
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    Waiting for Wolverines.

  37. 37
    licensed to kill time says:

    @LuciaMia:

    I never see the strikethroughs in Firefox, but I think it was the hyphen bomb in comment #18 that started it. Lately when anyone uses a space then a hyphen to strike through a word, it seems to create an uncloseable strikethrough tag which cannot be closed by normal methods.

    Ban the Hyphen Bomb!

  38. 38
    DanF says:

    Parody just died.

  39. 39
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @DanF:

    Parody just died.

    No, he’s just pining for the Fiords.

  40. 40
    HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist says:

    The dialogue is so compelling that the trailer editor elected to cover most of it with soaring music. Because there’s nothing as riveting as watching two guys mouth words to each other.

  41. 41
    DanF says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim: E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parody is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker!

  42. 42
    de stijl says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim:

    Well done, sir. Bravo! I applaud your genius and offer you the internet as a prize.

    @HE Pennypacker, Wealthy Industrialist:

    Aren’t you also a philanthropist, and… uh… bicyclist?

  43. 43
    Tom says:

    The Christ figure is neatly dressed, and essentially rational in his discourse, aside from his obvious identity crisis. By contrast, Hitler is slovenly, crude, and erratic.

    Hilter drips ketchup on his shirt biting into a hot dog while Christ picks up his discarded cigar with the tip of his umbrella before brow beating him!

  44. 44
    de stijl says:

    After Moriarty put his finger in his mouth like it was a gun, I thought Jesus’ next line was gonna be “I am too old for this shit.”

  45. 45
    Tom says:

    Boy, it keeps getting better:

    While on one level it makes sense their outward appearance would reflect the relative peace of their souls, one would expect the exact opposite from most “indie” films. It would be the martial Hitler who would be clean and presentable, whereas the Christ would be unkempt and widely emotional in his arguments. Yet, Moriarty has more surprises in store for the viewer.

    Wow, you say more surprises than making Hilter a slob and Chirst fastidious? I don’t know, that’s quite a shock to the conventions of “indie-filmmaking.” Not sure I can handle any more bold, brave decisions decisions like that.

    In terms of plot, Meets is relatively simple. The two men meet and engage in moral-metaphysical debate.

    Excuse me, I’d like to exchange the ticket I just purchased to this film for a bullet to the head.

  46. 46
    nota bene says:

    The best part? He’s got a gray beard going, and thoughtfully applied a dollop of Just For Men so you can’t miss that he’s supposed to be, you know, Hitler.

    Scratch that. I think that was the worst part, actually.

    And I’m trying not to wonder what “Third Tribe” is supposed to be a reference to….

  47. 47

    The hell? I thought it was going to be a satire, but then I saw the Breitbart link and connection. Then, I thought, OK, it’s only a minute or two. Can’t be that bad. I made it through that piece by the asshat at Reason, I can watch this.

    Now, more mind bleach is needed, and worse yet, I don’t even know why I’m so disgusted because I didn’t understand a fucking thing that went on in that clip. Oh, and FYWP for the nesting comments.

    @de stijl: Now that I would have understand and appreciated.

  48. 48
    K488 says:

    @scav: It is worth remembering that Michael Moriarty is himself a composer of music like that heard here, so you may not be singling out the composer at all! I’ll bet dimes to doughnuts those are his tunes.

  49. 49
    de stijl says:

    @K488:

    Moriarty is like the love child of Orson Welles and John Carpenter!

  50. 50
    vernonlee says:

    I sincerely hope all in this thread click on Ecks @ 33’s link to Jesus & Hitler roadtrip trailer. Seriously. Dude.

  51. 51
    alex says:

    The Christ figure is neatly dressed, and essentially rational in his discourse, aside from his obvious identity crisis. By contrast, Hitler is slovenly, crude, and erratic.

    I loved it. I just wish it were called Goofus Meets Gallant.

  52. 52
    frankdawg says:

    @alex:

    Dam it you just beat me to it! I was going to ask if this was a new feature in Highlights.

    Hitler & Jesus:
    Hitler sneezes on everyone
    Jesus covers his mouth when he sneezes

  53. 53
    KevinNYC says:

    @KevinNYC: Hitler was from the right? Geez, I mean, maybe Glenn Beck is wrong.

  54. 54
    Woodrowfan says:

    For real?? Then this will either be really, really good, or one of the all-time stinkers, making Isthar look like Citizen Cain…

    I am leaning towards “Isthar”

  55. 55
    Jason says:

    This movie will be made of win in the same way that Plan 9 from Outer Space was made of win.

    So…WTF is Third Tribe? I get the feeling its supposed to be something out of Moriarty’s acid-fueled delusions but I don’t know what.

  56. 56
    lumpenprole says:

    I’d pay to see “Moses Meets Stalin.” I think. Not sure, after that.

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