Wanted: Hot Oiled Rent Boy to “Lift My Luggage”

As of now, no wetsuits or dildos, but this is a good one:

On April 13, the “rent boy” (whom we’ll call Lucien) arrived at Miami International Airport on Iberian Airlines Flight 6123, after a ten-day, fully subsidized trip to Europe. He was soon followed out of customs by an old man with an atavistic mustache and a desperate blond comb-over, pushing an overburdened baggage cart.

That man was George Alan Rekers, of North Miami — the callboy’s client and, as it happens, one of America’s most prominent anti-gay activists. Rekers, a Baptist minister who is a leading scholar for the Christian right, left the terminal with his gay escort, looking a bit discomfited when a picture of the two was snapped with a hot-pink digital camera.

Reached by New Times before a trip to Bermuda, Rekers said he learned Lucien was a prostitute only midway through their vacation. “I had surgery,” Rekers said, “and I can’t lift luggage. That’s why I hired him.” (Medical problems didn’t stop him from pushing the tottering baggage cart through MIA.)

Apparently, having your luggage lifted is a lot like hiking the Appalachian Trail, only with members of the same sex. I have no idea if there was any tickling or snorkeling going on, and honestly, I don’t really want to know.

88 replies
  1. 1
    GambitRF says:

    My absolute favorite part of this is the not-at-all-gay cover art for his book

    http://www.thestranger.com/ima.....rchild.jpg

  2. 2
    Mike Kay says:

    see, it was an innocent coincidence. Just like Jeff Gannon working hand and glove inside the bowels of the west wing (no pun intended) – just a misunderstanding.

  3. 3
    Cacti says:

    Is there a high profile homophobe who isn’t a self-loathing homosexual?

  4. 4
    patrick II says:

    @GambitRF: I’m a lumberjack and I’m OK!

  5. 5
    Corner Stone says:

    @GambitRF: There’s nothing wrong with chopping a little wood and a little flannel.
    It’s hard to tell but I think by the look on that kid’s face he was just asked, “Do you like movies about gladiators?”

  6. 6

    an atavistic mustache

    sheets and giggles.

  7. 7

    @Corner Stone:

    There’s nothing wrong with chopping a little wood and a little flannel.

    Hey, is there anything wrong with pressing wild flowers?

  8. 8
    ellaesther says:

    @Cacti: I suspect that there are some, but not many.

  9. 9
    Svensker says:

    This cheers me up no end.

  10. 10
    El Cid says:

    So, all those ads for “luggage carriers” are actually male prostitutes now?

  11. 11
    ciotog says:

    I’m especially delighted that the incriminating photo was taken with a hot pink camera.

  12. 12
    Short Bus Bully says:

    This is one of those rare cases where you find that snark, no matter how slathered on it may be, pales in comparison to reality.

    Wow.

  13. 13
    freelancer says:

    Dan Savage has some worthy ideas:

    I propose that “whatever floats your boat” be immediately retired in favor of “whatever lifts your luggage.” And, once again, the Miami New Times broke this story.

  14. 14
    El Cid says:

    I used to believe that among the crowds of publicly crusading homophobes and Talibangelical types, some significant number would be hypocrites (i.e., gay themselves) or into some sort of perversion (child molestation) or just general sexual weirdness (2 wetsuits + dildo).

    I no longer believe that this minority exists.

    Now, I believe that every single publicly crusading homophobe and Talibangelical leader has some sort of massive, message-undercutting sexual habit, and if we’re lucky it involves consenting adults.

  15. 15

    Rekers hired the strapping young gentleman via Rentboy.com, fergawdsake. I think even my Lutheran grandmother of blessed memory would have realized the nature of the services being offered from that site — the “adults only” warning to get inside, for instance. I’m pretty sure my Catholic grandmother wouldn’t have been fooled for a microsecond.

    It’s possible, though, that Rekers somehow had the notion until halfway through the trip that travel expenses and other incidental costs were all he had to pay, and that the young man had some non-monetary feelings for him. That sort of self-delusion is much more plausible IMHO.

  16. 16
    Bnut says:

    This guys parents fucked him up royally.

  17. 17
    Gregory says:

    For decades, George Alan Rekers has been a general in the culture wars, though his work has often been behind the scenes.

    He prefers to lead from the rear.

  18. 18
    debbie says:

    This reminds me of those Pool Boy skits back in the early days of Mad TV.

  19. 19
    Allan says:

    @Cacti: I think Maggie Gallagher is straight, based on the way she paws her crotch when writing about Hank Paulson.

    Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson looks like an investment banker. He’s a big guy, whose large hands, broad shoulders and balding head signal he’s got the drive, the cojones, to be an alpha male in the once-intensely competitive world of big money. The owlishly round glasses suggest intellect, and overall, his combination of physicality and IQ remind one of the way Wall Street had become a kind of Roman Circus of nerd gladiators, transforming surging aggression into extraordinary material abundance.

  20. 20

    @Doctor Science: I went to rentboy dot com. I didn’t find any mystery there.

    By the way, how do we know that he hired his Luggage Lifter from rentboy?

  21. 21
    The Bearded Blogger says:

    The “assholes” tag has acquired a whole new dimension of meaning

  22. 22
    Allan says:

    @The Bearded Blogger: As does your handle, pardner…

  23. 23
    Mumphrey says:

    @El Cid:
    I’ve said for a long time that until and unless they conclusively prove otherwise to me, all Republicans are either closeted homosexuals, or have some truly weird sexual fetish, or are child molesters.

    Lord only knows what’s wrong with Rick Santorum, but, man, I sure don’t ever want to learn what his secret sexual hangup is.

  24. 24
    Dave C says:

    “Lift my luggage” was a double entendre just begging to be coined.

  25. 25
    Jon H says:

    He should have bought a dolly.

  26. 26
    freelancer says:

    Lord only knows what’s wrong with Rick Santorum, but, man, I sure don’t ever want to learn what his secret sexual hangup is.

    “I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was going to be talking about ‘man-on-dog’ with a United States senator,” the reporter interjected. “It’s sort of freaking me out.”

  27. 27
    Comrade Tank Hueco says:

    @El Cid:

    if we’re lucky it involves consenting adults

    I’ve thought the same thing for a while.

  28. 28

    I dug a little deeper and found out how we know that Reker hired Lucien from rentboy.

    Reality is such a flexible thing, isn’t it?

  29. 29
    Violet says:

    He was soon followed out of customs by an old man with an atavistic mustache and a desperate blond comb-over, pushing an overburdened baggage cart.

    Sounds like a really bad p0rn movie.

    Wasn’t it Andrew Sullivan who said that one of the best places to go cruising for guys was at Republican conventions?

  30. 30
    The Bearded Blogger says:

    Now, some dudes like De Sade think it’s hot to hike the appalachian trail while someone is lifting your luggage…

    “Shaping your Child’s sexual identity”… so, so wrong…

  31. 31
    Comrade Tank Hueco says:

    Speaking of Republican moralists and their kinks.

  32. 32
    The Bearded Blogger says:

    @Allan: Touché

  33. 33
    Allan says:

    Shaping Your Child’s Sexual Identity.

    Sounds like the worst birthday party entertainment ever…

  34. 34
    gbear says:

    I’m pretty sure my Catholic grandmother wouldn’t have been fooled for a microsecond.

    Remember, Rekers is willing to believe that a comb-over keeps him looking youthful.

  35. 35
    Mike Kay says:

    I wonder who lifts McConnell’s luggage.

  36. 36
    Short Bus Bully says:

    So I guess that Reker’s book “Shaping Your Child’s Sexuality” was NOT advice geared towards parents of young children but was instead a litany of the (supposed) errors his parents made in raising him?

    I agree with other posters in this thread; there is no minority of closeted anti-gay crusaders out there, I think it’s a majority of self-hating gays leading the charge.

  37. 37
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @Svensker:

    This cheers me up no end.

    Lifted your spirits, did it?

    As is so often true, Jackie Wilson said it best.

  38. 38
    andrewtna says:

    Why not a “Gay Old Party” tag?

  39. 39
    Dean Wormer says:

    @Mumphrey: It would be irresponsible not to speculate…

    At least, until they produce their long-form, printed hetero certificate. Such as.

  40. 40
    slippy says:

    You know, when you travel ANYWHERE, you are greeted at every airport and every upscale hotel by folks more than happy to assist you with carrying your baggage. And if you can afford to hire someone to do it for you full-time, you can certainly afford the modest tips required to keep those folks hopping at your demand.

    Anybody who isn’t a complete moron can see through that pathetic, feeble excuse.

  41. 41
    Tsulagi says:

    God bless our family values hall monitors. Double wetsuit single dildo preacher set the bar almost impossibly high, but it’s good to see they’re not giving up.

  42. 42
    Allan says:

    @Mike Kay: Mitch is married to the lovely and talented Elaine Chao, who I believe is the top.

  43. 43
    mistersnrub says:

    @Mike Kay: Clearly the Dems have the dirt on him and are blackmailing him, hence his cave on finreg

    /wingnut

  44. 44
    Annie says:

    @Gregory:

    LOL….

    Come on…in this economy, he was just trying to give this poor kid a job….

  45. 45
    Quiddity says:

    I hope they practiced “safe” luggage lifting.

  46. 46
    litbrit says:

    @Allan:

    Yikes, that reminds me of the awful puff-piece that woman wrote on Bill Frist–it was at the WaPo, if I recall correctly–wherein she rhapsodized about his glistening, muscled hairy forearms flexing as he tended to the gorilla on the operating table.

  47. 47
    Joseph Nobles says:

    @Quiddity:

    Proper back support.
    Lift from the legs.
    The more lifting, the merrier.

  48. 48
    litbrit says:

    I say we make Luggage-lifting the new teabagging. Pass it on.

  49. 49
    Calming Influence says:

    This is really excellent news for Republicans!

  50. 50
    soonergrunt says:

    What happens if you have your luggage lifted when hiking on the Appalachian Trail? Is it like a quantum singularity of kink?
    Did the esteemed Rev. Rekers have at least one westuit in his luggage? He has the excuse of being in the Bahamas, after all.

  51. 51
    Corner Stone says:

    @ciotog:

    I’m especially delighted that the incriminating photo was taken with a hot pink camera.

    Honestly, I’m not sure how it could’ve been taken with anything else.

  52. 52
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    I hear that this is a problem in the Minneapolis airport, if you don’t watch it someone will lift your luggage in a second.

  53. 53
    Corner Stone says:

    @soonergrunt:

    What happens if you have your luggage lifted when hiking on the Appalachian Trail? Is it like a quantum singularity of kink?

    I’m pretty sure it’s like what happened in Ghost Busters when they crossed the streams. Lots of dubious white material all over everyone.

  54. 54
    JSD says:

    @andrewtna:

    Why not a “Gay Old Party” tag?

    I dunno, Rekers isn’t in the Republican party is he? I mean theoretically he could have voted for Barack Obama.

  55. 55
    Comrade Luke says:

    Going forward these types of posts should include the tag “My aching back”

  56. 56

    He was just doing research!

    George Alan Rekers is an officer of NARTH, the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality.

    Fuck that old fraud with a piece of over-sized luggage.

    (I hate to admit it but this story turned my day from shitty to excellent in .5 seconds.)

  57. 57
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    At this rate, the Log Cabin Republicans are going to be the least gay members of the GOP before long.

  58. 58
    BombIranForChrist says:

    Man, when I have trouble lifting luggage, there’s nothing like a little sodomy to put me on the road to wellness.

  59. 59
    Corner Stone says:

    @Linda Featheringill:

    I dug a little deeper and found out how we know that Reker hired Lucien from rentboy.

    Reality is such a flexible thing, isn’t it?

    It’s funny, but I just can’t figure out how you mean this.

  60. 60
    LuciaMia says:

    Hahahahahahaha. Man, oh, man!

    If this was a script from, say, an episode of ‘Big Love,’ you could think, ‘Nah, this is a bit over the top.’

    If he can’t somehow prevent being outed, will he go to one of those hetero-reeducation camps he touts?

  61. 61
    PhoenixRising says:

    @Cacti: Is there a high profile homophobe who isn’t a self-loathing homosexual?

    No. SATSQ.

    Next question: Isn’t it sad that high profile homophobes think ‘self-loathing homosexual’ is a redundancy?

    The rest of us homos know that they are the pathetic 3% of our great people. They think we’re all as sadly misshapen as they are. It’s tragic but in this case, as in some others, can be quite entertaining as well.

  62. 62
    Tonybrown74 says:

    Needed some to help lift his luggage, eh?

    I guess the Rent Boy was there to lend him some backdoor support.

  63. 63
    manwith7talents says:

    The entire GOP is a seething cauldron of repressed homosexuality.

  64. 64
    stickler says:

    Wetsuits, dildos, hiking the Appalachian trail, wide stances, and now rentboys.

    I preferred it when we were talking about Commies all the time. Now I’m learning about deviant forms of behavior I’d never before imagined (well, mostly), and I feel stupider every day.

    Dear GOP/Evangelical wingnuts: Please keep your private predilections to yourselves, and stop lecturing others on morality. Okay, thanks, bye (as the kids are all saying).

  65. 65

    @Cacti: Self-loathing? I’d say it takes a fuckload of self-confidence to split your time between screaming GAYS ARE EVIL! and fucking other guys.

    Creeps like Reker are the cause of self-loathing, never its victim.

  66. 66
    Svensker says:

    @Annie:

    Come on…in this economy, he was just trying to give this poor kid a job….

    We know that. Just trying to give the kid a hand.

  67. 67
    soonergrunt says:

    @Corner Stone:

    Lots of dubious white material all over everyone.

    Win.

  68. 68
  69. 69
    asiangrrlMN says:

    Man. I learn so much about kink from the anti-gay crusaders. I have led a sheltered life, apparently! Keep fucking that chick–er, never mind.

    By the way, why aren’t any of the closeted bigots cute?

  70. 70
    oklahomo says:

    @gbear: The comb-over is a sure sign that he has at least one secret Manhunt account with dim, blurry, faceless pics at least 20 years out of date. And the MUST BE DISCRETE (sic) WIFE DOES NOT KNOW disclaimer somewhere in the profile.

  71. 71
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @oklahomo: I fucking HATE discrete in personals. Just had to get that out of my system. Carry on.

  72. 72
    Quiddity says:

    @Joseph Nobles:

    Should one adopt a wide stance?

  73. 73
    eco2geek says:

    Well, it’s all “Lucien” the rent-boy’s fault. He’s a home-Reker.

    (Fun facts from Wikipedia: George Alan Reckers is a Distinguished Professor of Neuropsychiatry & Behavioral Science Emeritus at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine as well as a fundamentalist who believes in the infallibility of the Bible.)

  74. 74
    oklahomo says:

    @asiangrrlMN: They might as well write “I have issues. Please avoid.” Not to mention the need for a dictionary.

  75. 75
    boonagain says:

    and if he were getting a luggage lifter from rentboy, why not a hairy muscle daddy instead of a twink? LOL

  76. 76
    phoebes-in-santa fe says:

    I’m a little late to the game today, but what’s the story of the wetsuit?

    What flaming Christian hypocrite was caught in a wetsuit?

  77. 77
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @oklahomo: Yes. Very true. However, I was ranting only about the misspelling, which is guaranteed to make me grind my teeth. If you can’t spell it, you can’t have it!

    @phoebes-in-santa fe: Here you go. Ask and ye shall receive!

  78. 78
    satby says:

    @El Cid:

    Now, I believe that every single publicly crusading homophobe and Talibangelical leader has some sort of massive, message-undercutting sexual habit, and if we’re lucky it involves consenting adults

    Imagine the perversions the Phelps clan must be up to.

  79. 79
    jcricket says:

    Democrats are totally lame these days. Can’t fight our way out of a wet paper bag (electorally).

    Thankfully the GOP is going all nativist and wall-street protecting bat-shit insane, while the moralistic wing is busy ass-fucking their way to ignominy.

    Otherwise we’d probably already have lost the House and the Senate :-)

  80. 80
    New Yorker says:

    I’m waiting with bated breath to hear about how Rekers bought some crystal meth but then threw it away…

  81. 81
    PhoenixRising says:

    But how do you know it’s misspelled?

    Maybe these dudes are expressing that they are married to women and are interested only in the fellas who form a whole, rather than the average gay man who is definitely interwoven with similar items…

    Okay, they’re ignorant. And closeted. And boy howdy, entertaining!

  82. 82
    Steeplejack says:

    @Bubblegum Tate:

    Win.

  83. 83
    Mentis Fugit says:

    @Comrade Luke:

    Going forward these types of posts should include the tag “My aching backsides

    Fixxored.

  84. 84
    slightly_peeved says:

    Fuck that old fraud with a piece of over-sized luggage.

    I’m sure he appreciates the offer, but he already has someone to do that for him.

    At least he stuck to rent-boys. A lot of people got conned into taking out loans they couldn’t pay back to buy boys. There are places now where you just see row after row of foreclosed boys, sitting unused. Generally near Republican conventions.

  85. 85
    Cydney says:

    @phoebes-in-santa fe: Three years ago an Alabama preacher was found dead wearing, not one, but two full westuits, all the gear included, of an auto-erotic asphyixiation accident. He also had a dildo up his ass. Conservatives have all the best kinks.

  86. 86
    phoebes-in-santa fe says:

    @Cydney: Thanks, Cydney. Damn, I thought I had all these Republican perverts down pat in my mind.

  87. 87
    Bulworth says:

    “…leading scholar for the Christian right.”

    I’m not sure the word “scholar” can rightly be associated with anything pertaining to the Christian right. But in any event, the I-hired-the-escort-to-carry-my-luggage claim would seem to indicate a pretty low bar for the rank of “scholar” in such a community.

  88. 88
    r€nato says:

    as far as I am concerned, this is not news; what *would* be news is if there were a male leader of the anti-homo movement who *wasn’t* secretly gay.

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