No Nipple Uncovered

Well played, voters of Virginia. Well played:

Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli apparently isn’t fond of wardrobe malfunctions, even when Virginia’s state seal is involved.

The seal depicts the Roman goddess Virtus, or virtue, wearing a blue tunic draped over one shoulder, her left breast exposed. But on the new lapel pins Cuccinelli recently handed out to his staff, Virtus’ bosom is covered by an armored breastplate.

When the new design came up at a staff meeting, workers in attendance said Cuccinelli joked that it converts a risqué image into a PG one.

The joke might be on him, said University of Virginia political scientist Larry Sabato.

“When you ask to be ridiculed, it usually happens. And it will happen here, nationally,” he said. “This is classical art, for goodness’ sake.”

It isn’t like Attorney General is an important position or anything, so it shouldn’t be a problem that the voters of Virginia put a crazy person in that job.

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73 replies
  1. 1
    JGabriel says:

    Cucinelli’s mother responds:

    He’s not crazy, he’s just a little sheltered.

    .

  2. 2
    bkny says:

    good friggin’ grief … who in the hell gazes lustfully upon a friggin’ state seal. what a freak.

  3. 3
    bkny says:

    oh, and forgot the kicker — an armored breastplate!?!

  4. 4
    shortstop says:

    I feel certain that when this man’s sexual scandal breaks, it will be of an immense magnitude. Or at least immensely comic.

  5. 5
    Mark S. says:

    Didn’t Ashcroft do something similar?

  6. 6
    WyldPiratd says:

    Didn’t there used to be this batshit crazy mofo Republican blogger–who switched sides BTW–that supported the Bush regime that made John Ashcroft (and his bare titty phobia) the chief law enforcement officer?

    Who was that dude? ;)

  7. 7
    matt says:

    any nipple in a drought!

    Guess I can’t rub it out to the state guide anymore :(

  8. 8
    schrodinger's cat says:

    Have we reached peak wingnut yet?

  9. 9
    jackie says:

    I thought it went with the position. Didn’t Ashcroft put a blouse on a neekid lady outside the Justice Department? Or was that an urban legend that I fell for?

  10. 10
    robertdsc says:

    Pathetic.

  11. 11
    Martin says:

    Alas, an armored breastplate won’t do fuck for the assault against Virtue that Cucinelli and the other teabaggers will continue to bring forth.

  12. 12
    Martin says:

    @jackie: Unfortunately, it was no urban legend.

  13. 13
    Loon Juice says:

    Yes, Ashcroft did do the same. Republicans are anti-nipple. They don’t even have nipples.

  14. 14
    Martin says:

    @matt: No worries, California’s bear is still fully nude.

  15. 15

    This is beyond wingnut, this is more like Taliban-esque. Next thing you know they’ll be saying our wimmin should be wearing full length dresses and ‘modest’ clothing so as not to incite lust.

  16. 16
    Laura W. says:

    @matt:

    Guess I can’t rub it out to the state guide anymore :(

    That is so Fuckheadian! I can’t wait for him to chime in here, on his state of residence. He’s always good for a masturbatory joke or twelve.

  17. 17
    Mumphrey says:

    As a resident of Virginia, I would like to state for the record that I volunteered for the Democratic ticket last fall. And also for the record, I have nothing against nipples; I have two myself, and only seldom do I cover them with armored breastplates.

  18. 18
    angulimala says:

    Forget her breasts!

    What he should be doing is asking …. Were her ancestors legal????

    “Classical”? She’s Greek! Let’s see her papers!

  19. 19
    Kryptik says:

    Virginia is quickly competing with Texas and Oklahoma for most fail state gov’t in the Union.

    Wait. Forget I said that, Virginia’s likely gonna outlaw the use of the word ‘Union’ soon due to how much that certain word harms businesses and workers, don’tchaknow.

  20. 20
    PurpleGirl says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Nope. The wingularity keeps on moving. It’s a perpetual motion machine.

  21. 21
    eemom says:

    yes, this is rather pathetically transparent Ashcroft copy-catism on the Kook’s part. Probably the creature entertains delusions of McDonnell appointing him to Ashcroft’s job some day.

    Oh, and have I mentioned: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE DON’T FUCKING VOTE.

  22. 22
    Martin says:

    @Kryptik: Virginia is a commonwealth, which sounds exceedingly communist to me.

  23. 23
    abo gato says:

    What the fuck is it with idiot Attorneys General anyway?

    Do they want to be in the Taliban? I guess so.

    jesus ffffing christ…..walks off, grumbling……..

  24. 24

    When Virtus was fighting Tyranny, Polarek said, “a dress code was probably not her first concern.”

    Since BoB is false persona non grata — Plato said, a nekked titty will raise a thousand spears.

  25. 25
    mcd410x says:

    That dog don’t hunt in the Confederacy

  26. 26
    Mark S. says:

    @Laura W.:

    A Fuckheadian slip?

  27. 27
    Martin says:

    @abo gato: Well, like school boards, the Taliban knows they can wield disproportionate power there and so there is a concerted effort to secure these positions. Legislators need to compromise (which they aren’t down with) but atty generals can act like their own private dictators if they so desire and even the Governor is often powerless against them.

  28. 28
    Donald G says:

    Of course, there was a time in this country in which you could have brief nudity, including female breastal nudity, in a PG rated movie.

  29. 29
    demkat620 says:

    @eemom: I am going to go out on a limb here, Impeachment is not going to be enough this time. Not even close. They have lost it.

    Totally lost the plot and I fear we are headed for another civil war.

  30. 30
    Yutsano says:

    Read this earlier, considered it my daily dose of schadenfreude.

  31. 31
    Donald G says:

    Attorneys general, especially Republicans, tend to come from the ranks of prosecuting attorneys. The more things that can be classified as crimes, the more people who can be prosecuted, and the more prosecutors can engage in law and order posturing and get their names and pictures in the paper and on TV, and the more they can build their reputations for higher office, and the happier prosecutors become.

  32. 32
    burnspbesq says:

    This guy had better be certain that the 2257 notices are in order on all the porn sites he visits on his state-property laptop. If he gets caught with pictures of jailbait who really are jailbait …

  33. 33
    KDP says:

    @eemom:

    Oh, and have I mentioned: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE DON’T FUCKING VOTE.

    This!

  34. 34
    Mike in NC says:

    Virginia’s likely gonna outlaw the use of the word ‘Union’ soon due to how much that certain word harms businesses and workers, don’tchaknow.

    Also look for more and more talk of seccession coming out of Virginia. I lived in NoVA from 1991 to 2007, but it seems like they really plan on going Full Metal Wingnut in the state under the new whacko Republican governor and AG. Expect to see Blue Laws closing down businesses on Sunday return, as well as massive increases of arrests for being caught with pot, alcohol, being in the company of someone of the ‘wrong’ sex or race, etc.

    Given the number of foreign born people living and working there, an Arizona-style immigrant-bashing law is almost a certainty.

  35. 35
    Guster says:

    I’m working on a proposal for ‘Porn for Wingnuts’ as we speak. I’m thinking I oughtta include a salacious picture of a jelly doughnut.

  36. 36
    electricgrendel says:

    You think the nonwingers in Virginia have noticed that their state has gone from being an trending purple state that people found interesting to a complete and total laughingstock? I wonder if they can even bother to be embarrassed.

  37. 37
    oklahomo says:

    @Kryptik: Don’t forget Arizona in that list.

    Every day I become more and more convinced that this great country of ours has been one of the longest running pieces of performance art in history. When will one of these governors or attorneys general just march on up to the podium and scream “The Aristocrats?”

    Instead of the Ministry of Silly Walks, we’re stuck with this shit.

  38. 38
    S. cerevisiae says:

    OK, this fuckstick wants to try to ruin Dr. Mann, a highly regarded climate scientist, and at the same time is pulling this ridiculous bullshit?

    Has he ever been to an art museum?

  39. 39
    Gian says:

    @Loon Juice:

    Of course, if you’ve seen the Wall, Geldoff shaves off the nips when he goes full fascist, they are objectively anti-nipple. In order to be responsible I speculate that the AG for VA wasn’t breast fed as a child

  40. 40
    Donald G says:

    @Mike in NC:

    Also look for more and more talk of seccession coming out of Virginia. I lived in NoVA from 1991 to 2007, but it seems like they really plan on going Full Metal Wingnut in the state under the new whacko Republican governor and AG. Expect to see Blue Laws closing down businesses on Sunday return, as well as massive increases of arrests for being caught with pot, alcohol, being in the company of someone of the ‘wrong’ sex or race, etc.

    That reminds me, when I was a kid in VA, you couldn’t buy toilet paper on Sundays because of the Blue Laws. Oh, and in the morning news in the car to elementary school, we’d hear all these news reports of men being arrested for the crime of “oral sodomy”. I once asked my aunt what that meant. Embarrassed, she directed me to look in an unexpurgated dictionary. While the word sodomy was defined, the definition wasn’t particularly helpful and vague.

  41. 41
    Ella in NM says:

    If this was the only act of weirdness he had conducted, this might be silly, at best.

    But combined with his attempt to try and keep gays from being a protected class on VA college campuses, now the Mann-global warming witch hunt, this guy is scary. He is demonstrating a willingness to use his authority to pursue political persecution campaigns. Abuse of Office, anyone?

    The smart people of Virginia need to get together ASAP and draw up a recall petition. He thinks he’s the fucking Grand Inquisitor from the Dark Ages.

  42. 42
    Donald G says:

    @S. cerevisiae:

    Has he ever been to an art museum?

    Next, a law will be enacted forcing the Chrysler Museum in Norfolk to either put some oversized shorts on the statue of Man outside the museum, or chop off his generous endowment.

  43. 43
    Donald G says:

    @Ella in NM:

    The smart people of Virginia need to get together ASAP and draw up a recall petition. He thinks he’s the fucking Grand Inquisitor from the Dark Ages.

    I’m not sure if Virginia law even allows for the possibility of recall. I think the only option might be impeachment, but that would require Cuccinelli to have committed a crime.

    Maybe if the Kooky Kooch embarrassed McDonnell too much, he might find a way to move for an involuntary commitment to the state mental hospitals in Petersburg or Williamsburg

  44. 44
    stickler says:

    @Donald G: “Unexpurgated dictionary?” They let kids look at those back then? (Actually, now that I think of it, we had one in our grade school library in small town Eastern Washington, and it was kept behind the librarian’s desk. You had to ask for permission to use it. And you’d never in a million years guess what words we looked up after we’d looked up the one we told her we needed to define. This was back when Jimmy Carter was President.)

    Why are tits such a provocation for reactionaries? From the Taliban, to that craaaazeee Iranian cleric who inspired Boobquake, to the people who freaked out at Delacroix’s Liberty Leading the People, it just seems that depictions of the mammary glands get some folks to lose their shit. Worse, I would argue, than blasphemous depictions of God.

    Behold ye the power of the female chest!

    Man, the more bare breasts I can see, the happier I am.

  45. 45
    S. cerevisiae says:

    “generous endowment” – LOL

  46. 46
    glasgowtremontaine says:

    @burnspbesq: Under Virginia law, it’s illegal for him to use his Commonwealth-owned laptop for ANY porn. (Though I’m not sure whether this means I ought to turn in the missus for reading boy-band slash on hers.)

  47. 47
    matt says:

    @Martin: Thank god for the nude bear. I’d be in a pinch otherwise :(

  48. 48
    glasgowtremontaine says:

    @burnspbesq: Under Virginia law, it’s illegal for him to use his Commonwealth-owned laptop for ANY porn. (I’m unsure whether this covers the boy-band slash my missus reads on hers.)

  49. 49
    Mumphrey says:

    @eemom:
    I can’t tell you how disheartening it was last fall, when I was out canvassing, and I heard Democrat after Democrat tell me something along the lines of, “Well, I don’t think I’m going to vote this year.” What the hell? In an off-off-year election, you can just drop on by the polls and be done with your vote in 5 minutes. Give yourself 7 minutes to get there and 7 to get home again, and you’re up to 19 minutes, more or less. And people couldn’t be bothered to take 20 phuqqing minutes to keep these clowns away from the governor’s seat and the attorney general’s seat?

    I wonder how many of those people would gladly go back 6 months and give up their 20 minutes of playing Grand Theft Auto, or whatever it was they were doing instead, to pull the Democratic lever.

    And, yes, I know it is a real hassle for poor people to go out and vote; I’m not even talking about them. I’m talking about fairly well-off Democrats who volunteered for Obama who didn’t want to do the least of their civic duty in 2009 because Deeds didn’t “inspire” them enough or some other bullshit. All I can say to those tools is, “Thanks for your needlessly high standards. I’m sure Deeds and McDonnell really are the same.” Pinheads.

  50. 50
    Donald G says:

    @stickler:

    “Unexpurgated dictionary?” They let kids look at those back then? (Actually, now that I think of it, we had one in our grade school library in small town Eastern Washington, and it was kept behind the librarian’s desk. You had to ask for permission to use it. And you’d never in a million years guess what words we looked up after we’d looked up the one we told her we needed to define. This was back when Jimmy Carter was President.)

    The huge ones our individual classrooms were equipped with claimed to be unabridged. The definition for condom was also similarly unhelpful. It was something like, “a sheath used for prophylactic purposes.” Huh?

    Of course, I had to look up condom because I was looking up the dirty definition of rubber.

  51. 51
    db says:

    1) Her booby was so tiny there was no need to cover it – let alone with a shield
    2) He wasn’t bothered by the huge dildo she is holding?

  52. 52
    TenguPhule says:

    2) He wasn’t bothered by the huge dildo she is holding?

    All she had to do was wear a wetsuit and a thousand GOP zombies would fap.

  53. 53
    2liberal says:

    LINK

    or

    http://tinyurl.com/26qnypd

    ow, it appears, he may be preparing a legal assault on an embattled proponent of global warming theory who used to teach at the University of Virginia, Michael Mann.In papers sent to UVA April 23, Cuccinelli’s office commands the university to produce a sweeping swath of documents relating to Mann’s receipt of nearly half a million dollars in state grant-funded climate research conducted while Mann— now director of the Earth System Science Center at Penn State— was at UVA between 1999 and 2005.If Cuccinelli succeeds in finding a smoking gun like the purloined emails that led to the international scandal dubbed Climategate, Cuccinelli could seek the return of all the research money, legal fees, and trebled damages.

    this guy is having some fun. too bad he is holding public office. a dubya clone.

  54. 54
    Bill Murray says:

    @eemom: well except that Deeds lost by 18% (~345,000 votes). The turnout was slightly depressed from the 2005 Gubernatorial election turnout. If the turnout was at the same percentage as 2005 and every single extra vote was for Deeds, he still loses 52-48. Deeds would have needed over 70% of the new votes if the turnout was 60%. Even if the turnout was at the level of the 2008 Senate race (72.4%) Deeds would have needed over 60% of the extra votes.

    This, I would say, doesn’t really match your hypothesis. While, of course voting matters, in this race having a mediocre candidate running a poor campaign seems to have had a much larger effect. Just like Coakley in Massachusetts.

  55. 55
    Honus says:

    As a practicing member of the Virginia Bar, I feel it incumbent to make you all aware of this part of the Virginia Code:

    § 18.2-344. Fornication.

    Any person, not being married, who voluntarily shall have sexual intercourse with any other person, shall be guilty of fornication, punishable as a Class 4 misdemeanor.

    Can’t wait until Cuccinelli puts a task force on that one.

  56. 56
    eemom says:

    @Bill Murray:

    I’m so sorry, but fuck your numbers.

    If everyone who voted for Obama in 2008 had dragged their ass to the polls in 2009, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.

    And there was no excuse for not doing so — NONE — because anyone with a pulse — even Ralph Nader — could see the difference between Deeds-McDonnell and Shannon-Cuccinnelli. That was a big. fucking. obvious. difference.

    Every citizen is responsible for the outcome of every election. Every one, every time. End of story.

  57. 57
    eemom says:

    @Mumphrey:

    and THANK YOU for trying, good sir/madam.

  58. 58

    Just as a side note, that Virginia state seal is also on the Virgina state flag. I can’t imagine most people see the seal, as such very often, but the flag is a different matter. Yes, that’s right, the Virginia flag has a bare-breasted woman on it! I wondered when that would get some Baptists upset.

  59. 59
    Brandon says:

    The comments on that article at the site are brilliant. I particularly enjoyed this new and improved version of the state seal.

    http://i560.photobucket.com/al.....kaSeal.jpg

  60. 60
    de stijl says:

    Who could possibly hate nipples?

    IMO, if you hate nipples, you hate America.

  61. 61
    Nancy Irving says:

    What you can’t see on the seal is that Punchinello has also equipped Lady Virtue with a chastity belt.

    It’s they only way she’ll keep her pants on!

  62. 62
    Raven says:

    @angulimala: “Classical”? She’s Greek! Let’s see her papers!

    Well, “Virtus” is Roman, but who’s counting? (Forrin is forrin, efter all; the Tea Party crowd cain’t even spell. Also.)

    The Romans (and Greeks) surely were not Puritans.

    Virginia wasn’t settled by Puritans, either. Virginia got the Cavaliers from the English Civil War, while the Puritans and other Roundheads tended to settle in the North… New England… and become “Yankees”.

    So why is Virginia’s seal being redesigned to please Puritans?

    By this one single deluded man?

    If another such lunatic were to decide that Virtus looked better with a Mickey Mouse head, would he be allowed to get away with that, too?

    Virginians should teach this irresponsible official the limits of his power.

  63. 63
    Batocchio says:

    Meese is so proud.

  64. 64
    James Hare says:

    Considering I can’t even remember who the Democratic candidate for Attorney General was, I’m not surprised we got Cooch. He’s been waiting for an opportunity to take his special brand of crazy statewide for a long time. Somehow the idiots in his district kept sending him back, mainly (it appears) because he was Catholic. Now that he’s running for Governor he’s running out the FULL WINGNUT in order to try and win a statewide election.

    That’s what happens when your constitution makes governors only serve one term. They don’t give a crap while they’re doing it because they’ve already accomplished their goal of raising their profile. Thankfully the one-term rule means the Republicans only get about 4 years to screw up.

  65. 65
    chrome agnomen says:

    yes i hang my head in shame as a virginian, but what can one do? there’s a pandemic of stupid raging in the country right now. the republican party used to be one that you could legitimately disagree with, but not fear and loathe. now they are in a race with themselves to the bottom. the lunatics are truly running the asylum everywhere that republicans are elected to office.

    and deeds did truly run a horrible campaign. he caught a dose of gore fever–the main symptom is running away from the positions of the popular leader of the party at the time.

  66. 66
    Mike in NC says:

    @James Hare:

    That’s what happens when your constitution makes governors only serve one term. They don’t give a crap while they’re doing it because they’ve already accomplished their goal of raising their profile. Thankfully the one-term rule means the Republicans only get about 4 years to screw up.

    And thank God that George Allen appears to have no future in politics. He made Bush looks like a pointy-headed intellectual.

  67. 67
    An American in Exile says:

    Nipples may not be the real issue here. Cuccinelli’s alternative seal appears to be a version of the state seal used on some Virginia regimental flags during the Civil War. See http://civilwargazette.wordpre.....-infantry/

    Perhaps he had the pins made for “Confederate History Month.”

  68. 68
    AJ says:

    YOU AMERICA-HATERS ARE ALL ALIKE!!

    Get a clue. It was the “libural” left titty that was exposed; not the Reich-titty that has managed to stay pure and virtuous!

    Sheeesh.

  69. 69
    Catsy says:

    @An American in Exile: Holy crap. Why is that not getting more attention?

  70. 70
    chrisw21 says:

    If he’s going to change the seal, then he should put a bag over his own head. He’s obviously the bigger boob.

  71. 71
    Rich says:

    Join us on Facebook: Friends of the Great Seal of Virginia

    We need to stand with Virtus and fight Tyranny

  72. 72

    […] Cuccinelli doesn’t just hate reality, environmentalists, scientists, and gay people.  He’s also got hate in his heart for the humble female nipple.  I suspect his libertarian supporters will take this into advisement and vote against someone […]

  73. 73

    […] It’s hard work, looking out for all that state-sanctioned immodesty. […]

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] It’s hard work, looking out for all that state-sanctioned immodesty. […]

  2. […] Cuccinelli doesn’t just hate reality, environmentalists, scientists, and gay people.  He’s also got hate in his heart for the humble female nipple.  I suspect his libertarian supporters will take this into advisement and vote against someone […]

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