We are all Wolverines now

Wonkette says journalistically reported with journalism that this is serious.

. Between this and Jim Bunning, it’s been a tough week for white people.

112 replies
  1. 1
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Can I get this as a ringtone?

  2. 2
    aimai says:

    I can’t dance to it.


  3. 3
    jl says:

    This is the beginning of the Mayan apocolypse. Clearly. Like Kaus running for CA Senate, which I assumed was a SadlyNo or Wonkette joke that got out of hand.. but IS REAL!

  4. 4
    Bret says:

    It’s tough being a white person today.

  5. 5
    FPN says:

    Word up, homeslice?

  6. 6
    Martin says:

    This is too hip and fresh for me.

  7. 7
    DougJ says:


    Yes, it is.

  8. 8
    licensed to kill time says:

    10 seconds was all I could take.

  9. 9
    meh says:

    best line from wonkette comm section…

    you down with OTP?

  10. 10
    DougJ says:


    Yeah, I was going to use that as a title til I saw that comment.

  11. 11
    jacy says:

    omfg – words fail. And I have several dictionaries.

    Also, raw pie crust is not tasty, and nothing says you are down wit it like argyle and using a necktie as a headband. Some people’s kids are going to be so embarrassed.

  12. 12
    MobiusKlein says:

    @licensed to kill time: You beat me by 2 seconds. Masochist!

  13. 13
    Jim Newell says:

    “Wonkette says this is serious.”

    Wonkette journalistically reported with journalism that this is serious.

  14. 14
    meh says:


    yes Wonkette gets a far better class of comments – far better than the rabble in here…wonder where BoB is…prolly breaking out the puma’s and the NWA albumz.

  15. 15
    mcc says:

    I’ve been thinking about the whole “WOLVERINES” thing since I saw this posted on another blog.

    At some point shouldn’t it start to seem weird that conservatives’ dearest fantasy is that someday the Soviet Union will invade the U.S.?

  16. 16
    Gozer says:

    This is why the terrorists hate us.

  17. 17
    danadevin74 says:

    From Baker to Gangsta
    It’s hard out there for a Conservative MC

  18. 18
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    I liked Constitution Kate. The Birther stuff too. Also.

  19. 19
    Xecky Gilchrist says:

    We need a new acronym – SFVCPAWP, maybe?

    “Summary For Video-Challenged People At Work, Please?”

  20. 20
    Hugh says:

    Fool me once, shame on me. I mean shame on we. Wait… I mean us, the United States of America – the country. Fool me twice, shame on, uh, you, as in folks, not just you one person.

  21. 21
    Annie says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:




    The guy who made this — Molotov — is the same guy who recently posted a video praising Uganda’s anti-gay laws, and supporting death for Ugandan homosexuals…

  22. 22
    eric says:

    @MobiusKlein: beat me by 10 seconds. For which I have no regrets. I may be white, but I am not white and that stupid.

  23. 23
    jacy says:

    @Xecky Gilchrist:

    Just put your hand in a blender and hit puree – it’s less painful.

  24. 24
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Xecky Gilchrist: I like to think of myself as reasonably articulate, but I simply cannot, no matter how I try, describe this.

    Bad rap, bad singing, bad dancing, bad melody, bad cinematography, bad camera work, all in the service of suggesting that Obama will be a one term president. The horror…

  25. 25
    TR says:

    I made it to the part where “Molotov” talked about how he used to make pies for a living.

    And seriously, Molotov? Did someone already have dibs on the all-American names of Stalin and Lenin?

    The dude brags about how public education “made him dumb.” Not sure about the cause, but he’s right about the result.

  26. 26
    Matt says:

    Why do young white republicans insist on rapping? Do they not understand how awful they are at it?

  27. 27
    licensed to kill time says:

    Reading Wonkette’s comments almost makes me want to give it another spin – please talk me down off the ledge…

  28. 28
    DougJ says:

    @Jim Newell:

    Wonkette journalistically reported with journalism that this is serious.

    Thank you for the correction.

  29. 29
    Ash Can says:

    And then Dad came home and turned on the lights in the garage and made the kids put all his tools back where they found them.

  30. 30
    Hugh says:

    Do you remember these guys? Rove pushed them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Right_Brothers

  31. 31

    I don’t think eminem has anything to worry about.

  32. 32
    eric says:

    @The Grand Panjandrum: I dont think an enema has anything to worry about.

  33. 33
    dmsilev says:

    Better or worse than the “Hillary for President Interpretive Dance” video that one of her supporters made during the primaries? For those who have managed to repress the memory, it is this one. You’re welcome.


  34. 34
    Mwangangi says:

    @Ash Can: Those ‘kids’ ARE the tools.

  35. 35
    Ash Can says:


    The guy who made this—Molotov—is the same guy who recently posted a video praising Uganda’s anti-gay laws, and supporting death for Ugandan homosexuals…

    So we ought to be reading about him getting hauled in on a bestiality rap any day now.

  36. 36
    Paul in KY says:

    They should have got the weirdo white rapper who Tosh.0 had one for a 2nd try at rapping to lay down some verses. Couldn’t have hurt it.

  37. 37
    Nellcote says:


    Like Kaus running for CA Senate

    Is he running as an R or a D? I think like Reed, Ford or even Senor he’s counting on the new unlimited corporate donations for support. Ford dropped out when the big money made it clear they would support Zuckerman.

  38. 38
    comrade scott's agenda of rage says:

    Well, that’s 4:21 of my life I’ll never get back.

  39. 39
    SpotWeld says:

    We are all Wolverines now

    What else is there to say but “Go Blue!”

  40. 40
  41. 41
    flukebucket says:

    @Xecky Gilchrist:

    Consider yourself lucky this time. It is worse than Jesus rap.

  42. 42
    Citizen_X says:

    @Annie: Here’s the video where “Molotov” supports the Ugandan kill-the-gays law–and he closes by quoting MLK!

    Somehow, I tend to doubt that he ever voted for Obama, even in his pie-making days.

  43. 43
    Zifnab says:

    Not entirely shitty production value. This seems very suspicious. Has anyone checked any of these people’s counter tops?

  44. 44
    SpotWeld says:

    Is this what Republicans see when they take the brown acid?

  45. 45
    licensed to kill time says:

    @Morbo: I prefer On The Piss .

  46. 46
    Paul in KY says:

    Xecky Gilchrist, a summary:

    Think of Vannilla Ice & Milli Vanilli doing a rap. Then think of people worse than they are doing a rap about Pres. Obama being a one term pres.

    Maybe like Cypress Hill, minus any of the coolness or minorities or talent or weed.

    Another analogy: If the Osmonds had come along 35 years later & entered a Mormon rap competition (and I’m not being fair to The Osmonds here, I’m sure they could have done a better one).

  47. 47
    Mike Kay says:

    I’m going through Harold Ford withdrawal.

    Man, where is my daily belly laugh gonna come from?

    Damn, hippies, they never think about us! They never think about us!

  48. 48
    The Populist says:


    Maybe not the apocalypse but this is a sign hell has frozen over.

  49. 49


    I saw the tricorder idiot, and was like omfg! I wrote about this guy 2 weeks ago. From his YouTube channel, it’s obvious that he is the highest order of self-loathing closet homosexual.


  50. 50
    ruemara says:

    Sweet goddess. That hurt my eyes and my ears. Sorry folks, I couldn’t get past :48. As a part white people, I’d like to apologize for this travesty, because white people are better than that.

  51. 51
    The Populist says:

    @Paul in KY:

    The fugly chick doing the “singing” uses autotune. What is the fucking deal with these no-talents using autotune? It doesn’t sound cool, too many people are using it, it makes you question these folks’ “talents” and it’s no wonder the music industry has half a foot in the grave.


  52. 52
    The Moar You Know says:

    These guys make Jedward look good.

  53. 53
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    Looks kinda spoofy to me, but then again, it’s damn near impossible to tell spoofs from actual wingnuts these days.

  54. 54
    The Populist says:


    He won’t beat DiFi or BaBo (this lame video has me using name slang now, she-ot).

    I think if he runs as GOP, he won’t beat Campbell (Fiorina has no chance).

  55. 55
    Sue says:

    Tonight, on Jay Leno…

  56. 56
    Annie says:

    @Ash Can:

    Works for me…………

  57. 57
    Xecky Gilchrist says:

    Thanks, all, for the descriptions. I will follow your advice and be grateful I haven’t seen it (and I’ll be sure to avoid it when I go home and check in here later.)

  58. 58
    The Populist says:

    Speaking of Jim Bunning…you know you are a fool when a sportswriter questions this on twitter (Rob Neyer):


    Jim Bunning Foundation Accused of Fraud
    Ever since he was inducted into the National Baseball Hall of Fame, Bunning has operated this phony “charitable” operation as a front for his business selling autographed balls. As this outfit’s sole employee, working one hour a week, he has paid himself hundreds of thousands of dollars over the past 10 years — considerably more than the amount donated to any actual charity.

  59. 59
    Senator's Son says:

    Fear not I bring you good tidings on the estate tax front!!

    Buffy – call the home and tell them to take gran pere off of life support!!

    According to an op-ed by EJ Dionne of Washington Post

    Sen. Jim Bunning (R-Ky.) has put a hold on the extension bill, but one of the key reasons the measure is blocked is the effort of Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.) to use it as a way of forcing a cut in the estate tax. Kyl is essentially leveraging the unemployed to get a deal on estate tax relief that would cost $138 billion over the next decade, according to estimates by the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities. The estate tax has already been cut sharply, so the reduction Kyl is pushing along with Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D-Ark.) would affect the estates of fewer than three out of every 1,000 deceased, according to the Tax Policy Center.

    The proposal helps estates worth more than $7 million in the case of couples. I guess struggling millionaires deserve the same empathy we feel for those without a job.

    And notice this: Especially in the Senate, what passes for “bipartisanship” too often involves a Democrat such as Lincoln allying with a Republican on behalf of the wealthiest interests in the country. And we’re supposed to cheer this?

  60. 60
    cleek says:

    @The Populist:

    What is the fucking deal with these no-talents using autotune?

    she prolly heard it on that Kid Rock song that’s been stuck in her car tape deck for the last four years, and thinks it’s hip and edgy.

    holy shit. that’s bad.

  61. 61
    dmsilev says:

    @Sue: I had been under the impression that it was mathematically impossible for Jay Leno to be any worse than he already is.

    Thank you for proving me wrong.


  62. 62

    @The Populist:

    it’s no wonder the music industry has half a foot in the grave.

    For all of it’s problems and evils, I don’t think we can blame the music industry for this.

  63. 63
    NickM says:

    Guru of Gang Starr is reportedly in a coma, and these tools are rapping. Anyone want to argue the case for the existence of God?

  64. 64

    @The Populist: Rob Neyer is a pretty sharp stick. He was one of Bill James’ assistants back when James was a fringe writer.

  65. 65
    Ash Can says:

    Now I understand why young Republicans are afraid of being arrested for being white.

  66. 66
    robertdsc says:

    LOL. Constitution Kate is cute. Teleprompt this!

    [wiggles in pseudo-whiteboy dance mode]

  67. 67
    wasabi gasp says:

    Autotune…for when melisma alone doesn’t make your ears bleed.

  68. 68
    Bret says:

    @J. Michael Neal: The only people we can blame are their parents.

  69. 69
    Jules says:



    The Teenager has said it is lame and so it must be…

  70. 70
    The Moar You Know says:

    For all of it’s problems and evils, I don’t think we can blame the music industry for this.

    @J. Michael Neal: Agreed, and I blame the industry for everything from the drying up of the Pacific salmon run to herpes.

    But this…not their fault.

  71. 71
    Sue says:

    Boy, that Abby lady from CSI is going to be pissed when she starts getting “aren’t you that rapper from OTP” questions all the time. So embarrassing on the red carpet, I would think.

  72. 72
    Dave says:

    Mother. Of. Christ.

    This reminds me of the old SNL skit with Lovitz and Carvey as Dukakis and Bush in a debate. Carvey does the classic rambling Bush bit, and then they cut to Lovitz saying “I can’t believe I’m losing to this guy.”

    Seriously, we’re losing the public debate to THESE guys?

  73. 73
    Bunning Breaking Bad says:

    Jim Bunning’s latest “gotchya” interview:


  74. 74
    ArchTeryx says:

    Heh. When you have Weird Al using autotune just to make fun of it, then you know its time has passed.

    And most people with two brain cells to rub together know as well. Apparently, the makers of this video lack even that!

  75. 75
    Paul in KY says:

    The Populist, I think the autotune thing is because of Lady Gaga. they think that’s the only reason she’s a star (it’s not) & thus: sing in autotune.

    I know she wasn’t the first to use it, but 2 of her big hits (‘Just Dance’ & ‘Pokerface’ use it some).

  76. 76
    Bunning Breaking Bad says:

    Jim Bunning’s latest “gotchya” interview

    Never try and interview Jim BEFORE he’s had lunch


  77. 77
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    That’s it I’m moving to France.

  78. 78
    Chad S says:

    I’m ashamed to be in the same plane of existence as those rappers.

  79. 79
    Dave says:

    I had no idea that Obama was having such a negative effect upon the baking industry. Wasn’t the first minute of that thing a white guy bitching about how he can’t make pies anymore?

  80. 80
    Omnes Omnibus says:


    Wasn’t the first minute of that thing a white guy bitching about how he can’t make pies anymore?

    I think pie is a metaphor. He is talking about how, since Obama’s election, it is a crime to be white. Hence the reference to unbaked pie crust. In order to succeed to today, one must be “baked”, or browned in the oven. The thing about fat girls was simply gynophobia.

    Teleprompt this!

  81. 81
    Morgan says:

    @dmsilev: I still have trouble believing the Hillary video was real. You got that many people together in a room to film it and not one of them thought to themselves “holy fucking shit this is lame”?

  82. 82
    drillfork says:

    My Internet connection sucks and I got through like 15 seconds of that before the vid stopped.

    I take it as a sign. I’m not going back…

  83. 83
    Jim Newell says:

    @DougJ: A whole 1.5 seconds of opening a tipster e-mail and clicking the link wasn’t easy.

  84. 84
    Bill E Pilgrim says:


    Is this what Republicans see when they take the brown acid?

    No, this is what real hip hop singers see when they take the wrong acid.

  85. 85
    cat48 says:

    Wondering who the filmmaker is behind the 13-minute attack video A Video Portrait of Barack Hussein Obama? So were we. Though the narrator identifies himself as “Lorne Baxter,” and e-mails to the production company are answered by “Rodney Talmud,” it turns out the man behind the video is a 28-year-old Christian television producer from North Carolina named Jason “Molotov” Mitchell, who has priors for inflammatory YouTubing.

    “”Jason “Molotov” Mitchell is producer and host of the Christian television show Flamethrower.The video, you’ll recall, has supposedly racked up a million-and-a-half views on the conservative-leaning Eyeblast.tv. Among other things, it regurgitates the false viral e-mail claim that Obama refuses to put his hand over his heart during the national anthem, and claims that the Democratic candidate has been a disciple of racism, Marxism, quasi-Christianity, Islam and anti-Semitism.””

    Looks like they have been after OTP since early 2008 with “not a citizen”, abortion videos, etc., via WND, of course.

  86. 86
    DMD says:

    I smell rap feud with the YoungCons!

  87. 87
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Hugh: Yeah. I made it about that far before clicking it off in self-defense. Holy shit, it was bad. And, I fucking hate autotune. Except when it’s used in humor.

    @dmsilev: I have never seen that before. Wish I could still say that now.

  88. 88
    freelancer says:



    Just No.

  89. 89
    Dave says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: I am almost proud that whole thing flew past me. It’s hard for a white man…

  90. 90
    orogeny says:

    A great man once wrote: “I’m not black. But there’s a whole lots a times I wish I could say I’m not white”

    This is one of those times.

  91. 91
    Montysano says:


    Seriously, we’re losing the public debate to THESE guys?

    I can’t get this quote out of my mind:

    “In regard to propaganda the early advocates of universal literacy and a free press envisaged only two possibilities: the propaganda might be true, or it might be false. They did not foresee what in fact has happened, above all in our Western capitalist democracies — the development of a vast mass communications industry, concerned in the main neither with the true nor the false, but with the unreal, the more or less totally irrelevant. In a word, they failed to take into account man’s almost infinite appetite for distractions.”

    Aldous Huxley, “Brave New World Revisited”, 1958.

  92. 92
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @DMD: Hmmm….

    I smell rap feud low-level celebrity death match with the YoungCons!


  93. 93
    cybrestrike says:

    I couldn’t even hit the play button.

    Every time I think we’re on the brink of Peak Wingnut, something even crazier comes down the pipe.

  94. 94
    joeyess says:

    Umm, the guy that put this hideous videous together also has a boner for Killing Teh Gays.

    What a great human being.

  95. 95
    carlos the dwarf says:

    @The Populist:

    If you look at his foundation’s tax forms, available here, you’ll see, on a consistent basis, two very skeazy things:

    1. Bunning pays himself $20,000 a year from his foundation. Since he claims to only do foundation business for one hour a week, this works out to just under $400 an hour for his services to the foundation. In no given year did his organization give out $20,000 in grants. Since the primary purpose of his organization is to collect money and give it out to various other non-profits, this is highly unethical, [especially given Bunning’s generous senatorial salary], though probably not illegal.

    2. The organization’s total salary and personnel expenses, in every single year since ’02, have been greater than $20,000. However, according to these same forms, Bunning is the Foundation’s only employee of any kind. In other words, as far as I can tell, there’s roughly $10,000 just disappearing from the organization every year. I’m not a CPA, and there’s no conclusive proof here of any kind, but this is very shady, and quite possibly evidence of illegal behavior.

  96. 96
    slag says:

    I had to call Green Balloons at 0:53. I would never make it as a terrorist at a conservative frat party.

  97. 97
    Jim Pharo says:

    “Sir, you’re note seriously going to continue this broadcast, are you?” (To Bruno Kirby in “Good Morning Vietnam,” in response to his ‘Mr. Frenchy comedy routine’)

  98. 98
    Surly Duff says:

    I can only hope these guys aren’t one-hit wonders. I need more of this on a regular basis.

  99. 99
    Tbone says:

    The guy in the eagle suit dancing at 3:45 was the best thing I’ve seen in a long time.

    And seriously, pies?

  100. 100
    very reverend crimson fire of compassion says:

    @Citizen_X: MISQUOTES! Not quotes. The illiterate pigfucker misquotes MLK.
    It’s “the moral arc” of the universe! Not “moral arm”.
    Jesus Fuckity Christ.

  101. 101
    Badtux says:

    I like pie.

    Regarding the video, I’m afraid to click on it. Judging from the comments here and on Wonkette, it might cause my monitor to burst into flames due to sheer volume of stupidity attempting to exit the Intertubes all at once.

    – Badtux the Snarky Penguin

  102. 102
    Keith G says:

    I know its a Mug’s game trying to apply logic to crap such a this, but I have never known a talented baker, a good baker, to be out of work. I am now in the business and if you are good, you are working.

  103. 103
    kormgar says:

    On behalf of all white people, I apologize for this.

  104. 104

    […] Wonkette and Balloon Juice and Jesse at Pandagon, in a post titled “What Would Happen If The Black Eyed Peas Were […]

  105. 105
    dobrojutro says:

    I smell Jesus fundies. No doubt this is aided and abetted by the same cats who can Jesusify any of today’s hot sounds and pipe them over the KRST radio channels. They can mimic the sounds, the moves – now they can even mimic mimicry. But it’s still juuust a bit off.

  106. 106
    Steve M. says:

    Um, had Constitution Kate ever actually heard any rap music before she recorded her verse?

  107. 107
    Todd Dugdale says:

    Molotov pretends that he voted for Obama, but he vows not to again. Constitution Kate really doesn’t like Islam. And Dolce seems fixated on teleprompters and autotune. MZA thinks that pretending to beat up some actors in SEIU shirts makes him an “extremist”, and he wears some laser safety goggles to prove it.

    That about sums it up. Four people who didn’t vote for Obama in 2008 won’t vote for him again, so therefore Obama won’t be re-elected. It’s not any deeper than that, folks.

    Oh, and putting a sticker on your car that says “OTP” is some kind of radical act that influences the entire electorate somehow. Concealing your face with a neck-warmer for a few moments between close-up shots of your un-concealed face shows that you are dangerous in some vague way. And standing in a gravel quarry is exactly like being in Iraq, where it smells like a mosque(??).

    If you buy any of those premises, you will love the video.

  108. 108
    Cris says:

    You know who else was a one-term president? That’s right

  109. 109

    […] So, um…enjoy? (I had the misfortune of first seeing this video here.) […]

  110. 110
    loretta says:


    Best deconstruction of this disgrace so far in the blogosphere.

  111. 111
    Ash Can says:

    @loretta: That’s a great analysis!

  112. 112
    Nylund says:

    A long time ago a great hip-hop album was made. It was called, “Fear of a Black Planet.”

    The title is apparently still quite apt.

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  2. […] Wonkette and Balloon Juice and Jesse at Pandagon, in a post titled “What Would Happen If The Black Eyed Peas Were […]

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