Get ready for the usual suspects to get a serious case of the vapors:
President Barack Obama has burnished his Christian credentials, courted Jewish support and preached outreach toward Muslims. On Friday, his administration will host a group that fits none of the above: America’s nonbelievers.
The president isn’t expected to make an appearance at the meeting with the Secular Coalition for America or to unveil any new policy as a result of it.
Instead, several administration officials will sit down quietly for a morning meeting at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building on the White House campus with about 60 workhorses from the coalition’s 10 member groups, including the American Atheists and the Council for Secular Humanism. Tina Tchen, the director of the White House Office of Public Engagement, and representatives from the Justice and Health and Human Services departments will participate.
I think atheists and agnostics and indifferents need to work on a series of outrageous bullshit demands so we can fit in with the other religions.
Mike Kay
rumor is he’s about to sign an executive order allowing non-believers to openly serve in the military.
Neo-con chicken hawks who dodged teh Viet Nam war are outraged saying it will affect unit cohesiveness.
dmsilev
Maybe they should also invite a member of the Unitarian Jihad.
-dms
stevie314159
Meh.
Todd
Separation of Church and State comes to mind…
General Egali Tarian Stuck
Meanwhile, Pat Robertson, Jame Dobson, and some dude with small antlers announced a meeting with gawd in a secret treehouse located on Dick Cheney’s ranch. A spokesman for the group, said this vulgar secular humanist shit will not stand.
t jasper parnell
In God we trust and One Nation Under God have to go. They violate the constitutional tradition of referring to the possibility of a divine being as the Creator. Like Glen Beck, I find this falling away from the Founders’ deeply held lukewarm commitment to dogmatic dogmatism and secatarianism deeply disappointing. Until such time as Obama condemns, rejects, and etceras all dogmatic dogmatism and sectarianism, I and my fellow doubting thomases will be forced to vote for the Republicans.
eemom
tee hee.
I luuuurves it when he does shit to piss them off.
WereBear
I’ve been reading some of the hot new atheist books lately and I’m pleased that this kind of thing is so accessible and open now.
When I went apostate at 14, it was a lonely road. My mother pitched a fit because I put “agnostic” on a school form.
Good times, good times.
Seanly
As a closeted atheist, I for one welcome our new non-believing overlords.
I’m not sure what policies us atheists would want. I’m goodt as long as religious nutjobs are kept out of powerful positions.
Regnad Kcin
Equal access for Deists now! We wrote the damn Declaration, after all…
Violet
This proves he wasn’t born in America. Real Murkins wouldn’t hurt America like this. Somebody think of our troops!
drunken hausfrau
Demand tax exempt status for all your non-believing organizations, their property, etc.
eemom
OTOH, the WH confirmed that our O-man also called Antichrist Dick yesterday to wish him a speedy recovery.
Hey Dick — can you say “class act”? I thought you couldn’t.
Morbo
FSM demands more nude Danish curlers. Men’s team too, gotta be equitable after all.
General Egali Tarian Stuck
Probly something outrageous like demanding they be left alone.
AnotherBruce
I think atheists and agnostics and indifferents need to work on a series of outrageous bullshit demands so we can fit in with the other religions.
I doubt that we need to do this, but that’s because I’m an agnostic.
slag
How about gathering in the town square to stone Glenn Beck every sabbath? Or just gathering in the town square to get stoned without Glenn Beck every sabbath?
Or maybe we can just switch off every week. We’re flexible. Unlike people from those other religions. As long as we get some concession from the government that everybody must get stoned.
licensed to kill time
I demand an empty picture frame outside every courthouse so we can all fill it with our own conception of God(notgod).
freelancer
Charles Darwin is on UK currency, I demand we remove the stupid new agey/deistic pyramid with the eye on the back of our dollar bills and put a “Carl Sagan is my homeboy” logo in its place.
beltane
I demand that schoolchildren observe a non-silent Darwin moment where they are permitted to learn actual science without interference from people who worship a bloody-minded book that was written over two-thousand years ago. If we must worship old books, Lucretius’s On the Nature of Things is a much more suitable choice.
LGRooney
If anyone can find some way to bring together the atheists and agnostics and indifferents to agree on something, to put our collective name on something, I will heartily applaud you. As it is, we always seem to get sidetracked by a wayward comma or some other pet peeve that will undoubtedly be the end of any camaraderie we may have been able to achieve. That’s just who we are…
Legalize
And the comments over there are just …. Something. Wow.
AnotherBruce
@t jasper parnell:
How about replacing the slogan with “In Gravity we trust”. It seems pretty reliable to me.
WereBear
Honest to goodness (my guideline, actually) I never thought I’d see the day.
We haz kewl Prez!
/obot
beltane
@freelancer: Don’t knock the pyramid with the eye in it. Back when I worked for the 2nd Circuit, numerous pro se appellants used this symbol to prove that the United States was governed by a Jewish/Nazi/Freemason/New World Order cabal that had something to do with Bill Clinton.
And this was years before anyone had ever heard of Glenn Beck.
AnotherBruce
One Nation Under Exxon.
demo woman
How much snow did you get? Are you sure that god isn’t punishing you?
Occasional Reader
I like McClatchy, but there is some journalistic sleight of hand going on here.
“Hmm, some low-level White House lackeys are doing a routine meet & greet with some lobbyists today. They’re atheists, so that’s interesting, but Obama’s not going to be there, the meeting isn’t related to any policy, and it’s not even at the White House. How can I turn this into a story?”
[Goes to Starbucks]
“Well, Obama did talk about religion on the campaign trail. I’ll just say they’re meeting ‘administration officials’, call the Eisenhower building the ‘White House campus” and put Obama in the lede!”
Tony J
There have been nude Danes in the Olympic curling? Smashing news. I hope to the FSM that the Russian team jumps on the bandwagon. Apparently if you want to find a hot girl in Moscow, you just head for the ice.
grape_crush
National recognition of Festivas?
Robertdsc-iphone
Neat.
MTiffany
I demand federal recognition of Margarita Thursdays as a sacramament! Sacrament! Whatever!
+3 (creme-filled donuts)
@grape_crush: And Festivus!
Fergus Wooster
This is awesome.
We should demand his “fierce advocacy”, in the form of quoting Bill Hicks at the Gridiron Dinner and other events where he does stand-up.
-“You ever notice how people who don’t believe in evolution look pretty unevolved” ‘Ah believe God created me in one day’ / ‘Yeah, looks like he rushed it.’ ”
– “Of course I’m going to hell. That’s where all the good musicians will be.” etc., etc. . .
Origuy
I think we should burn a wooden question mark on the White House lawn.
AnotherBruce
@Origuy:
Win!
t jasper parnell
@AnotherBruce: Fine by me.
Nellcote
@beltane:
shhh…don’t give Orly Taintz any ideas!
PurpleGirl
I think atheists and agnostics and indifferents need to work on a series of outrageous bullshit demands so we can fit in with the other religions.
Yes, most definitely yes. I agree with Todd (#4) and t jasper parnell (#6) — reiterate separation of church and state and take the under god out of the pledge. (Although I don’t understand parnell’s final sentence of support for Republicans, who are such major backers of the move toward theocracy.)
Colette
@freelancer: I’m pretty sure it’s FSM’s eye on top of the pyramid. Only a noodly appendage could reach up that high.
Also, I am so legally changing my name to Sister Hand Grenade of Love.
BombIranForChrist
I demand that my government and its representatives erect a statue dedicated to Existential Oblivion right next to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. If they do not acquiesce to my demands, I will send them Ramen Noodle packets WITHOUT THE RAMEN NOODLES. Because I am insane!
jl
When will we have a conference for ‘infidels of every description’? I want to watch that one.
Will Jefferson be there?
Sentient Puddle
Hard to chime in with crazy demands, but…
@Morbo:
THIS!
Paula
Will this render the cottage industry nurtured by the likes of Sam Harris and Chris Hitchens moot? Because I’d be all for that.
canuckistani
fit in with the “other religions”? Needs an edit.
Face
Bill O’Lielly’s cabeza will eggspload when he finds this out.
r€nato
I think atheists and agnostics and indifferents need to work on a series of outrageous bullshit demands so we can fit in with the other religions.
I am deeply offended every time some Christian says, “God bless you” to me.
Stop jamming your god down my throat!
Michael
OT, but if you haven’t heard the morbid bit of humor yet, the latest joke making the rounds is:
Joey Maloney
Stoning of harlots to stop immediately; said harlots to instead be repurposed for employment in the secular entertainment industry, including overnment-paid employment training, health care, and deprogramming
Martin
Here are my suggestions:
Jesus Piñatas that drop abortifacients become a federally mandated birthday party activity.
All tax-exempt churches will be turned over to ACORN and Planned Parenthood.
The Pledge be edited to state:
“One nation, not stupid enough to believe in God, or unicorns, or the tooth fairy, or underpants gnomes, or wookies, or cute vampire boys that really care about you; indivisible, with liberty and justice for all except the people stupid enough to believe in all that shit,”
I’m sure I can work up some more…
Svensker
This is so dumb. (Obviously.) It’s not as though there haven’t been atheists in office before. Aren’t Darth Cheney and Pres. McCain pretty much a-religious?
I just hate all the stuff you’re not allowed to say in this country, without uncorking the bottle of screaming lemurs.
Fergus Wooster
Demand: Add an affirmation of the principle of Separation of Church and State to the oath of office for every Federal official, elected or appointed.
djork
Fixt by someone who spent a semester in Russia and still hasn’t recovered from the beauty of Russian wimmenz.
Dork
@MTiffany: I’m not sure why, but this comment makes me want to have a margarita….badly.
3+ hours of work to go……then I bust outtie the blendah.
Nylund
I might just be a nerd, but I really like this idea!
I deem that our ridiculous demand has been found.
Zifnab
@Fergus Wooster: We need something more hollow and meaningless, but personally invasive.
I want to see Richard Dawkins’s name on the cover of every text book, and the FSM on the back of the dollar bill. Also, if we can get a poster of Ronald Reagen getting sodomized by the prophet Muhammad posted in court houses, as a warning to would-be felons, I think that would do a lot to cleanse the moral character of this deeply sinful land.
Blue Raven
Oh, damn it. I keep wanting to make a satirical remark about how he hasn’t met with pagans yet but it keeps sounding like something some pagans I know would actually say.
I still think this meeting is cool. I do hope he does the same for neopagan traditions, though the gods help us all for the process of deciding who he’d talk to.
soonergrunt
@r€nato:
Just reply as I do, with a hearty smile and quick “evovle upward!”
Fergus Wooster
@Zifnab:
Also, Washington Monument to be replaced by giant gold statue of Baal which shoots condoms out his nose.
Pentagon to be refitted with writhing tentacles and a terrifying, all-seeing, dead-but-dreaming eye in the middle.
And yes, FSM on every dollar bill.
scav
@Origuy:
meh, we need to be careful of the carbon emissions. How about we compost a bit wooden question mark on the White House lawn and then grow organic arugula with the results?
Redshirt
@AnotherBruce: Are you crazy? I don’t trust gravity. No one really knows what it is anyway.
Trust in Evolution.
jrg
I’ve got a couple of ideas. How about we demand that tax-exempt status be revoked for religious institutions that act like political action committees, or cover up systemic child abuse?
I know, I know, it’ll never happen.
robert green
doesn’t anyone remember when james moore asked bush what book of the bible he was reading that day and bush’s answer was something that wasn’t a book of the bible?
and there was the fact that bush didn’t go to church in DC when he was preznit. kind of makes you wonder, if by wonder i mean have ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY THE GUY BELIEVES IN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
as well, given that the church that obama belonged to in chicago is a necessary stepping stone to gaining political power in chicago, i think it is fair to assume that someone as smart and educated as obama is a deist at most, and probably agnostic.
Peter J
@eemom:
This is a clear assassination attempt of a former vice president, by calling Cheney in person and wishing him a speed recovery Obama was hoping that he would induce a sixth and fatal heart attack.
Obama should be impeached.
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
@BombIranForChrist:
Patience grasshopper.
We can’t break ground on the George W. Bush memorial until he’s passed on. Rumor has it that it will be a gigantic hole in the ground, lined with black marble like the Vietnam War memorial. Families and friends of the fallen will be able to write the names of their loved ones onto a slip of paper and throw them into the hole. Then they can wait to see how much the hole cares.
For die-hard supporters and fans of the former President, there will be a special platform that extends out over the edge, called Nietzsche’s Diving Board, from whence they can engage in mutual contemplation with the Abyss.
Tony J
@djork:
Second try post editing. Is there a problem with the site or is it just me?
So, though they failed to produce the Perfect Soviet Man, the little-known Perfect Soviet Woman Project has retrospectively proven that those Commies were onto something?
More Soshulizm Pleeze!
Bruce (formerly Steve S.)
The demands of American atheists are usually dismissed as petty and inconsequential and why don’t they just shut up. I can’t even think of an atheistic demand that would be outrageous other than outlawing religion, and virtually no atheists are in favor of that.
Grumpy Code Monkey
@Legalize:
Angryone is angry because he can’t shout “faggot!” in polite company, therefore we are oppressing his religious freedom.
These are people for whom religious freedom means “you’re free to practice my religion, not any of that heathen mumbo-jumbo.”
FormerSwingVoter
Removing “In God We Trust” from our money, maybe? That’ll get their knickers in a twist!
ChrisZ
@Nylund:
I may just be another nerd, but I second this (or third?)!
“In gravity we trust” on all our money!
Zifnab
@jrg:
Bush came closest to pulling that trigger, when he tried to launch the DoJ against churches that actively supported John Kerry.
Eventually, someone is going to do it. There’s just too much political capital coming out of the religious community for political opportunists to think past the short term gain of shutting off someone’s money spigot.
Ruckus
I think atheists and agnostics and indifferents need to work on a series of outrageous bullshit demands so we can fit in with the other religions.
I can think of one thing right off the bat. Stop calling me religious.
ChrisZ
Oh, and from the comments on the article:
Maybe we atheist/agnostic/indifferents should just start wishing for all religious believers to be tortured for as long as possible. Too bad we can’t go eternal like they can though (I suppose belief in a deity and belief in an afterlife aren’t necessarily linked, but I’m assuming a strong correlation here).
scav
@FormerSwingVoter: Why stop there? Restore the original U.S. Motto of E Pluribus Unum from the 1956 branding of In God We Trust.
freelancer
@Grumpy Code Monkey:
I have seen a cartoon you might be interested in…
YellowJournalism
I was skimming this, so it looked like it said something about using Glenn Beck to get stoned every sabbath.
I guess his head is empty enough to be a good bong.
Roger Moore
@Fergus Wooster:
Fixt.
Anne Laurie
Just demand a quiet room with lots of non-religious reading material be set aside at each of the service academies, where the godsbotherers are forbidden to pester atheists, agnostics, and indifferents. Providing such a haven would be denounced as a slap in the face of Baby Jeebus by every religious charlatan within radio range of Colorado.
Redshirt
I apologize in advance if I offend any religious folks here, but I think there is strong correlation between the heavily religious and the Teabaggers, wingnuts, and other true believers of current Conservative “thought”. To wit: Facts are irrelevant, it’s what you believe in that counts.
Thus, if you’ve ever tried to reason with a God-Botherer, you’ll find a similar frustration in trying to reason with a wingnut. They don’t reason, not according to what we’d call “rational thought”.
Martian Buddy
@Bruce (formerly Steve S.):
Fundies seem to consider “keep government secular” and “teach science in science class” to be outrageous impositions upon their freedom of religion, so I don’t think it would take much to provoke a full-blown frothing “this is a CHRISTIAN NATION!” tirade. Merely recognizing godless Americans as being citizens the same as everyone else ought to do the trick.
FlipYrWhig
Oh sure, so I’m supposed to be all impressed that he’s _going_ to have this meeting. But that fact that he hasn’t done it yet shows that he has deep disrespect for us as a community, and we’ve been disillusioned with him ever since he had that acknowledged anti-atheist Rick Warren speak at the inauguration! As bad as Bush! I will not go to the back of the bus!!
[/Americablog mode]
Martian Buddy
@scav:
These days, it seems like caveat emptor would be more apt.
MTiffany
@Bruce (formerly Steve S.):
Then let me be the first. I demand that the First Amendment be modified so that all religion is outlawed! The only books that should be burned are bibles. Religion is a horrible affliction to the mind and an intolerable impediment to society. It can be cured with reason and empiricism. Superstition should be abolished in all its forms.
Pasquinade
http://www.christiannewswire.com/news/1832013158.html
ThatLeftTurnInABQ
@Martian Buddy:
I was thinking: I got mine, fuck you would be more to the point and less Latin-speaking elitist.
someguy
I’m not sure who’s nuttier – religious nutbags, or atheist nutbags who think the religious nutbags are going to let them enforce that wall of separation. Barry Lynn and Zombie Jerry Falwell should be put in a UFC octagon and made to duke it out until one of them comes back to life.
MTiffany
@ThatLeftTurnInABQ: IGMFY! Fucking brilliant! Tell me that’s in the BJ lexicon!
Quiddity
God willing, this meeting will turn out to be a success.
Bruce (formerly Steve S.)
I was thinking more along the lines of specific demands, like, “no Nativity scene in the state capitol unless we get to put up a display as well.” In my experience these things are usually dismissed as petty. I agree that an unsettlingly large percentage of the population is hostile toward the general principles of secularism that you mention.
Bruce (formerly Steve S.)
Good luck with that.
Martian Buddy
“How dare you treat the irreligious like real American citizens! WHARRGARBL!!!”
Colette
@Pasquinade: Religious extremists calling atheists and agnostics “among the most hate-filled.”
Comprehension FAIL.
asiangrrlMN
First of all, this thread had me in tears because it was so funny. Secondly, I read this:
as In gravy we trust, which I can heartily endorse as well.
@Pasquinade: Uh huh. More projection on the part of the religious right. Hate-filled. Yeah. The Pats quickly come to mind (Robertson and Buchanan) along with Focus on the Family. And we agnostics/atheists/deists/undecideds are the hate-filled ones? Riiiiiight.
LanceThruster
Dems mah peeps!
Go godless!
“I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”
…Stephen F Roberts
LanceThruster
@r€nato:
I try to respond, “No thanks…atheist.”
unless I’m particularly concerned about trying not to hurt someone else’s feelings. In that case I just let it pass.
Maybe an improvement on that would be an equally nutty/occult-minded response such as, “Thanks friend, as I was afraid evil forces might take control of my soul” or some such twaddle. Let them ponder someone else’s mumbo-jumbo for once.
Isn’t that the sneeze response rationale; that for that instance you become vulnerable to some sort of demonic contamination?
Sentient Puddle
This all reminds me of another episode. Yesterday, TNC caught that Brit Hume is still offering his unsolicited advice to Tiger Woods.
I say he’s just doing it for the ratings now.
SiubhanDuinne
@AnotherBruce:
I pledge allegiance to photosynthesis . . .
bcinaz
No more torture and no more death penalty. Access to healthcare and a good education, fairness is business and the tax code.
Shit, I must be a commie or somethin’.
Martian Buddy
@Bruce (formerly Steve S.):
Perhaps my opinion is colored by my atheism, but I can’t help feeling that such dismissals are just affected nonchalance. I live in York county and we’ve had a couple of bitter establishment clause cases: one involving one of those 10 commandments monuments that litter up parks around the county and the other being the infamous Kitzmiller v. Dover case. In both cases, the editorial pages of the York Daily Record and Hanover Evening Sun were full of letters from people dismissing the complainants as atheist whiners–and people demanding, sometimes in the same letter, that elected officials take a stand for Truth. The monument, for example, was such a trivial little thing that the Borough of Hanover ended up selling off a 15’x15′ chunk of the park so it could remain where it was rather than taking a local church up on their offer to relocate the monument to church property (where it would have been in a more visible location to boot.)
So perhaps it’s my suspicious and cynical nature, but when people claim that something’s just a harmless bit of ceremonial deism, I can’t help mentally translating it as “Keep your grubby hands off my territorial marker!”
NovShmozKaPop
If no one will make any outrageous atheist demands, I have one on behalf of the FSM: September 19 (International Talk Like a Pirate Day) must be declared a national holiday.
tyrese
I demand the pledge read “One nation, Under No God, indivisible…”
tyrese
Don’t sink to their level.
LanceThruster
I demand the phrase on the money to be changed to “IN SOME GOD(S) SOME TRUST”
SNAPPLE CAP trivia – The first penny minted had the phrase “Mind your own business”
Not a bad maxim for “The He-Man/She-Woman God-Haters Club.”
Bruce (formerly Steve S.)
Here in Washington state the issue was Christmas displays in the capitol building. The state puts up a “holiday tree” and was also allowing sectarian displays. Alongside a Nativity scene was a plaque erected by atheists. This provoked a response from some Christian groups and eventually all sectarian displays were removed, leaving only the “holiday tree”. A relatively satisfying resolution from my perspective, even though the atheists were cast as spoilsports.
gil mann
Eleventy-hundred-dimensional proclamations of faith, right? I love how friend and foe alike steadfastly refuse to take anything Obama says at face value.
Dude, he’s a Christian. Full stop. Plus he’s got that zeal-of-the-convert thing going since (I gather) he wasn’t raised super-religious.
And enough of the “smart people are automatically nonbelievers” shit. All the religious people I know–not counting the ones I didn’t choose to know, like my Chick-tract-fetishist uncle–are fiercely intelligent.
That’s why I hate terms like “Freethinkers” and “Brights.” I’m an atheist in large part because I don’t have the intellectual firepower it takes to make sense out of gobbledygook. I’m frankly offended by the assumption that I’m smart just because I can draw obvious conclusions.