Tito’s Fresh-Squeezed Screwdriver

Use this thread to share how you are steeling yourself for the SOTU.

Sadly, this year the drinking game will have to soldier on without John’s indispensable guidance. Some suggestions:

* Drink each time a Republican starts clapping, looks around and puts his hands down.
* Every inappropriate Republican outburst must be greeted with a toast of ‘LIAR!’, followed by a drink.
* Small sip every time he says ‘working families’. This is a PURELY CEREMONIAL drink; please treat as such. I do not want your liver on my conscience.
* Same for ‘main street’.
* Toss back a cement mixer each time he says ‘bipartisan’.

Have at it in the comments.






99 replies
  1. 1
    Tom Hilton says:

    I have to drive my girlfriend to the airport later, alas…so my drinking game is going to be more like this:

    * Take a drink every time Dick Boner John Boehner smiles.
    * Take a drink every time the President gets a standing ovation from the Republicans.
    * Take a drink every time the Republican response mentions Bush.

  2. 2
    Tom Hilton says:

    That weird-ass bolding? Apparently that’s what happens when you start a line with an asterisk.

  3. 3
    DougJ says:

    I don’t know why but I feel like we may hear a lot of sports analogies from pundits tonight — “bloodied but not bowed”, “going for singles instead of home runs”, etc.

    Take a drink every time you hear one.

  4. 4
    Incertus says:

    My game’s got to be like Tom’s. Thursdays I’m on campus for 11 hours, and the last class is a 3-hour poetry workshop for first-timers. I can’t make it if I’m hungover. I barely make it with regular caffeine injections and a full night’s sleep.

  5. 5
    Trevor B says:

    What about a drinking game for president mcain’s reply that will follow.

  6. 6
    Max says:

    I prefer the after-party drinking game, when the “Left” like Hamster, Aravosis, BTD, Marsh, give us their take on the speech.

    Drink each time they use:

    Bush-lite
    Just words
    lost the base
    sitting out 2010
    hates the gays, women, middle-class, etc.
    Hillary should be president
    PUMA!

    :)

  7. 7
    Dave C says:

    I have class tomorrow morning, but I need to get through the SOTU with my mental health intact. I wish I could preview the speech beforehand so I’d know just how much I’m going to need to drink in order to make it through. Does anybody know if the Whitehouse will be releasing a copy of the speech before its given?

  8. 8
    Tsulagi says:

    Toss back a cement mixer each time he says ‘bipartisan’.

    Damn, didn’t you say something about not wanting to be responsible for someone’s liver? Know it’s only Bailey’s, but in that kind of volume…

    To be fair, think he’ll use that less often. If running a pool, I’d like the number 10.

  9. 9
    JK says:

    Which Republican will do the full Ginsberg tomorrow morning, John McCain or Scott “Beefcake” Brown?

    How many nanoseconds following the conclusion of the SOTU speech will Politico wait before posting Dick Cheney’s latest rant that Obama is surrendering to terrorists?

  10. 10
    Colette says:

    I’m going to be watching at the YMCA in Oakland during the SOTU. I could actually, for reals, punch a hippie every time I hear one of these. I’d probably get in big trouble but I’d do it for John Cole if it would make him feel better.

  11. 11

    Every inappropriate Republican outburst must be greeted with a toast of ‘LIAR!’

    Wouldn’t the correct phrase be “You lie!”?

  12. 12

    @JK: Why isn’t Dick Cheney giving a speech somewhere else at the same time?

  13. 13
    beltane says:

    I have an unopened bottle of Jaegermeister in the house. Should I attempt this? I am a lightweight.

  14. 14
    DJ Any Reason says:

    I believe it is “You Lie!” not “Liar!”

  15. 15
    Bill Arnold says:

    To be fair, think he’ll use that less often. If running a pool, I’d like the number 10.

    Even odds he doesn’t use bipartisan once.

  16. 16
    JK says:

    @DougJ:

    I feel like we may hear a lot of sports analogies from pundits tonight

    This is as certain as the fact that the sun will rise tomorrow. It’s lazy as Hell for the pundits to trot out all these stupid sports analogies and also very arrogant for them to assume that every voter is a sports fan and understands these references.

  17. 17
    Comrade Mary says:

    I am not caught short: I now have some tonic water to go with my gin, plus the various fruits and stuff that y’all so generously pointed me to a week or so ago.

    Plus, it’s my birthday! So far, Steve Jobs has given me [the opportunity to purchase] an iPad [at God knows how many Canadian dollars, plus monthly data fees that exceed what I pay for my supplemental health insurance].

    Ball’s in your court, Barack.

  18. 18
    Common Sense says:

    Apparently Obama’s going to push to end DADT in the speech tonight. Gonna be great fun in the days ahead. Who’d a thunk the battle for gay rights would be seen as a way to ramp down the partisan bickering?

  19. 19
    Betsy says:

    @Colette:
    That is kick-ass. Literally and metaphorically.

  20. 20
    Sly says:

    Every time you see a Republican hold up a sign like he or she is at a fucking ballgame, take a drink.

    (BTW, that has to be the most sour group I’ve ever seen in a while. I don’t remember at what part of the Joint Session speech that shot was taken, but those people seriosuly look like someone pissed in their Cheerios and then set their Christmas presents on fire).

  21. 21
    Betsy says:

    @Comrade Mary:
    Happy birthday!!

    Plus, am I the only one wondering if there were no women on the team that named the new Apple product? I mean really. Next they’ll be releasing a heavier version for nighttime use: the Max-iPad.

  22. 22

    @Comrade Mary:
    Happy birthday, CM! I doubt Obama’s going to give you anything as nice as an iPad.

    Of course, if Jobs had to rely on 535 congresspeople to help design the iPad, he’d have a yellow legal pad on sale for $499.

  23. 23
    kindness says:

    Drink the whole bottle if the names Lieberman, Nelson, Palin,
    Limbaugh, Bachman or Beck are mentioned, no matter what context they are mentioned in.

  24. 24
    cfaller96 says:

    Sip every time Chris Matthews interrupts…anyone. (again- CEREMONIAL, just sip)

    Drink every time President Obama states:

    – “Let me be clear-…”
    – “I believe that we can work together to…”
    – a deadline for passing health care reform

    Chug an entire pitcher if President Obama takes time to welcome the Senate’s newest nude model member, Scott Brown.

  25. 25
    JK says:

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    Why isn’t Dick Cheney giving a speech somewhere else at the same time?

    Cheney will be watching Obama deliver his SOTU speech while munching on rusty nails and washing them down with an ice cold glass of blood.

    OT – I sent you an email message earlier today

  26. 26
    Sly says:

    I’m gonna have to start drinking early. Howard Zinn died today, yet Maureen Down still lives. There is no God.

  27. 27
    hal says:

    Wow. Check out CNN’s front page. All kinds of advice and opinions for Obama…from conservatives. Plus all kinds of links on the “failure” of the stimulus.

    Damn that Liberal media!

  28. 28
  29. 29
    CaseyL says:

    @Betsy: I saw a similar complaint on another site, and my first thought was that’s kind of stretching – almost like going out of one’s way to look for something to snark off about – because “pad” is a perfectly good word, as in Post-It pad and launch pad and lily pad – and does not automatically have to mean “female hygiene product.”

    I am female, and didn’t even think about those kinds of pads until I saw that other site’s comment.

  30. 30
    Joshua Norton says:

    I’m steeling myself for the SOTU by waiting until tomorrow to just skim thru the highlights. I can’t sit through the phony stand-up-clappy-clappy-every-15-goddamned-seconds side show the whole thing has become.

  31. 31
    JK says:

    @Sly:

    RIP Howard Zinn. Maureen Dowd is a malignant media carcinogen who should burn in hell for all of the noxious garbage she has written in her wretched career.

    God has left the building.

  32. 32
    Comrade Dread says:

    Comrade Dread suggests finishing the bottle if the Republican reply involves complaints about deficits and simultaneously suggests tax cuts to help the economy.

  33. 33
    beltane says:

    @Max: Under the bus. How many times will Obama throw_________under the bus?

  34. 34
    Violet says:

    @Betsy:

    Plus, am I the only one wondering if there were no women on the team that named the new Apple product? I mean really. Next they’ll be releasing a heavier version for nighttime use: the Max-iPad.

    No, you are not the only one. I thought it was some horrible joke. Coming soon – the iPad with wings!

    Seriously, were no women consulted about the name? Apple is usually better than this.

  35. 35
    Betsy says:

    @CaseyL:
    Certainly true. But it was the first thing that popped in my mind when I heard it. I guess whenever I hear the word “pad,” unmodified, it’s usually referring to the hygiene product. Otherwise it’s “notepad” or some such. That’s purely anecdotal. But it amused me greatly to think how Apple might improve such a product.

  36. 36
    kdaug says:

    Tito’s, Tim? I thought that was a closely-held Austin secret…

    I guess they have national distribution now?

  37. 37
    Tom Hilton says:

    @kdaug: they sell it at Trader Joe’s. (I haven’t tried it–I’m not much of a vodka drinker, and my girlfriend likes Stolichnaya.)

  38. 38
  39. 39
    Bun says:

    Every time the word “bipartisan” is mentioned, bang your head against a wall.

  40. 40
    evinfuilt says:

    Since I ran out of Tito’s recently, I decided I can’t watch SOTU tonight. Probably for the best, well outside of wanting more vodka.

  41. 41
    cathaireverywhere says:

    @JK: FTW!

    @Betsy: I agree, the lack of modifier does cause much hilarity. I’m sure they will constantly be looking for ways to make it thinner and more portable….

  42. 42
    Ed Drone says:

    Cheney will be watching Obama deliver his SOTU speech while munching on rusty nails and washing them down with an ice cold glass of blood.

    Actually, cold blood doesn’t drink (or flow) all that easily. He should have it warm, or combine it with Warfarin so it flows easily. The higher the dosage, the better.

    Ed

  43. 43
    jenniebee says:

    @Incertus:

    3-hour poetry workshop for first-timers. I can’t make it if I’m hungover.

    Since I assume that it’s fair to say that you also can’t make it through that ordeal stone sober, my recommendation is to add a few more rules to the game and stay drunk.

  44. 44
    R-Jud says:

    @cathaireverywhere: I am kind of hoping they pour blue liquid on it in the commercials, to demonstrate its absorbency.

  45. 45
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    Decided not to watch the SOTU. A way of getting off the minute by minute white knuckle Hamsher Wheel of obama gotta do something special, once again, for the umpteenth time. or everything gonna turn to shit and die. fuck that mentality.

    The dudes got 3 more years at least and no one can change that fact. Catch the highlights later. Pol theater, seen that movie before.

  46. 46
    WereBear says:

    @cathaireverywhere: And have it hold more data than ever before.

  47. 47
    Cain says:

    @General Winfield Stuck:

    Decided not to watch the SOTU. A way of getting off the minute by minute white knuckle Hamsher Wheel of obama gotta do something special, once again, for the umpteenth time. or everything gonna turn to shit and die. fuck that mentality.

    You should not miss occasions for social drinking.

    cain

  48. 48

    @Incertus:

    the last class is a 3-hour poetry workshop for first-timers.

    I’m sorry.

  49. 49

    @General Winfield Stuck:

    Decided not to watch the SOTU. A way of getting off the minute by minute white knuckle Hamsher Wheel of obama gotta do something special, once again, for the umpteenth time. or everything gonna turn to shit and die. fuck that mentality.

    But will you be tuned in here?

  50. 50
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    @General Winfield Stuck:

    The dudes got 3 more years at least and no one can change that fact.

    No chance of impeachment then, eh? Not even after the Germans Banksters and Rahmbots bomb Pearl-Clutching Harbor?

  51. 51
    Comrade Mary says:

    Thanks for the birthday wishes, all, and the birthday videos of songs I can remember from the first time around.

    So what time do things start? I want to watch as little cable bloviation as possible.

  52. 52
    Cain says:

    Happy B-day Comrade Mary :)

    cain

  53. 53
    jenniebee says:

    @CaseyL: yeah, but once it occurs to you, it kinda sticks with you, doesn’t it?

  54. 54
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: Prolly not. lately, you could pretty much copy the previous thread comments and paste them to each new thread on the Obamameter here. No one will change their view much, I don’t think. Whether they know it yet or not, or know it and don’t want to admit it, a number of posters here have jumped the Obama ship. I will wait till something actually of substance happens. Just got a couple of new movies in today anyways. Might check in later to see if the needle moved and I am wrong, which would be nice, but not expected.

  55. 55

    @Comrade Mary:
    9 pm Eastern. The White House web site is going to have a stream which will not include (hopefully) any cable bloviating. CSPAN, also.

  56. 56
    minachica says:

    @WereBear: and lasts overnight (with no [data] leaks…)

  57. 57
    Martin says:

    @General Winfield Stuck:

    I’m going to watch and do my level best to be outraged, with a side of under-the-busness. I’ll compare later with Jane to see if I hit the right points or if I need to keep practicing.

    Just to warm up, I’ve decided to be outraged that he’s using teleprompters and I’m disgusted that he feels like he needs to be the center of attention during this event.

  58. 58
    Cain says:

    Should we drink if we see any republicans tweeting twatting?

    cain

  59. 59
    Will says:

    Mark Halperin just compared Obama to Michael Dukakis on Hardball. Lord, I can’t stand him.

  60. 60
    WereBear says:

    @Will: Who is Mark Halperin, and why is he let out alone?

  61. 61
    inkadu says:

    @JK: It is arrogant for pundits to assume viewers know about sports. But it’s stupid to thinks viewers know more about politics than sports.

  62. 62
    bobbo says:

    I’m steeling myself for the SOTU by watching the Australian Open. Without Rafa, though, I’m going to be sad.

  63. 63
  64. 64
    JK says:

    @Will:

    The day after Scott Brown was elected to the Senate, Chris Matthews was asking whether or not Senator Elect Beefcake should run for President in 2012. Apparently, Beefcake sends a bigger thrill up Matthews’ leg than Obama.

    Mark Halperin is an epic fail.

  65. 65
    Tom Hilton says:

    @Incertus:

    the last class is a 3-hour poetry workshop for first-timers. I can’t make it if I’m hungover.

    No kidding…but for your sake, I sure hope you’re good and drunk for it.

  66. 66
    Kennedy says:

    I am planning on having Redbreast on the rocks. It’s gonna be a long night.

    Also take a drink anytime Obama says ‘fundamental.’

    Finish your drink/run into oncoming traffic the second the pundits begin to immediately say how much of a success/failure the speech was.

  67. 67
    Comrade Mary says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: Thanks! Wow, one more hour until heavy drinking. I think I can hold on.

    Pro tip: if you ever improvise a fruit crisp from a perfect apple and a slightly over-ripe pear, and don’t melt enough butter for the topping, pouring an ounce or so of Amaretto into the topping mixture improves it immensely.

  68. 68
    Zam says:

    Is anyone else incredibly shocked that Scott Brown isn’t giving the rebuttal?

  69. 69
    Shell says:

    Not part of any game but just bone-headed stupid. CNN’s idiot clock in the lower right corner, ticking off the seconds till the SOTU. Just in case all of your clocks imploded and your watch fell apart and you haven’t been hearing for the past week about Obama addressing the country at 9 o’clock so he doesn’t intefer with primetime and you want to be there at 8:59.50 so you can chant 10-9-8-…..

    Oh, Lordy!

  70. 70
    WereBear says:

    @Comrade Mary: The low fat fruit crisp…

  71. 71
    Zam says:

    @Shell: I’m a little curious is it customary to have the prez wait for primetime T.V or is this just another one of those things that only applies to Obama and his narcissism?

  72. 72
    Mike E says:

    @Bun:

    Every time the word “bipartisan” is mentioned, bang your head against a wall kick a Republican to death.

    fix’t.

  73. 73
    Colette says:

    @Comrade Mary: Pro tip +1: pouring an ounce or so of Amaretto into practically anything improves it immensely. Including me.

    I didn’t make the iPad-hygiene connection until I read about it here. Does that make me less of a woman? Because I only want products that make me feel like more of a woman, and I want them marketed to me in the special pink wrappers.

  74. 74
    CaseyL says:

    @jenniebee:

    yeah, but once it occurs to you, it kinda sticks with you, doesn’t it?

    Yeah, but only because it has better, wider adhesive strips.

  75. 75
    JK says:

    @inkadu:

    It’s stupid to thinks viewers know more about politics than sports

    Fine, how about calling John Madden out of retirement and having him come on after the speech and use his telestratter. Let’s also have special editions of Baseball Tonight and NFL Live on ESPN following the SOTU.

    It’s lazy with a capital L for pundits to trip all over themselves to see who can cram the most sports analogies into their bloviating analyses.

    Fuck the MSM and their shameless pandering to the lowest common denominator and fuck anyone who defends them.

  76. 76
    Shell says:

    I’m a little curious is it customary to have the prez wait for primetime T.V or

    The national televised speech he gave in December was actually criticized cause he delayed the showing of ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas.’ Bizarro, no?

  77. 77
    Laura W says:

    @Colette:

    Because I only want products that make me feel like more of a woman, and I want them marketed to me in the special pink wrappers.

    With wings. I insist on wings.

    ETA: Pad Thai with wings!

  78. 78

    @JK:

    how about calling John Madden out of retirement and having him come on after the speech and use his telestratter

    That could be interesting. (youtube link)

    (I responded to your e-mail, btw)

  79. 79
    WereBear says:

    @CaseyL: @Laura W: I insist that mine make me feel free.

  80. 80
    mcd410x says:

    Obama coming to Tampa tomorrow to (presumably) announce grants for high speed rail between here and Orlando (with a stop at Disney), along with 12 other areas of the country. How cool is that?

    @Colette: Lol on both counts.

  81. 81
    Laura W says:

    @WereBear: Certainly not at the expense of feeling freshly scented?

  82. 82
    Colette says:

    @Laura W:

    Certainly not at the expense of feeling freshly scented?

    There must be an app for that.

  83. 83
    Zam says:

    @Shell: Yea, that’s why I’m wondering about this. I’m pretty certain no one would care if the prez interrupted a tv show unless they really don’t give a damn about politics and government. Yet conservatives will just try and make it into the next big controversy because they can and the media will run with it.

  84. 84
    Tim F. says:

    @Zam: Totally unprecendented, other than virtually every speech that Bush gave.

  85. 85

    @Zam:
    Unless I’m mistaken, “American Idol” is on tonight, and nobody wants him to bump it.

    I know.

    I am sad for my country when the signature speech of the sitting executive of the country is bumped for a show about a popularity contest.

  86. 86
    Blue Raven says:

    I would add:

    – Break out the good champers if Obama comes out to “Mama Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J, “Payback” by James Brown, or the theme from Shaft. Because it’s gonna be clobberin’ time.

  87. 87
    mcd410x says:

    Wonkette: What America Needs Is Lower Taxes On Its Nonexistent Income

  88. 88
    Corner Stone says:

    @Colette:

    pouring an ounce or so of Amaretto into practically anything improves it immensely. Including me.

    An ounce? AN OUNCE?
    Someone remove this person from the intertrons.

  89. 89
    keestadoll says:

    jello shots for:

    “…since the Great Depression.”

    “make no mistake”

  90. 90
    Zam says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: Well at least he has a good lead in, could come after Leno.

  91. 91

    @keestadoll:
    You’re trying to kill us all.

  92. 92

    @General Winfield Stuck:

    Over at Athena’s place firstdraft we’re doing a crack van liveblogging chatroom thingy. It’s always a blast and we’re still mostly o-bots so the firebagging will be mostly light, I think. Athena comments here some, she’s the crazy ferret lady .
    Link:http://www.first-draft.com/

    Bring the booze and the snark .

  93. 93
    catclub says:

    “bipartisan deficit reduction”
    drink up!

  94. 94
    Comrade Jake says:

    In repealing DADT, I’m sort of hoping Obama will say “Asses Aren’t Evil!”

  95. 95
    JK says:

    Take a big sip if Obama opens his SOTU with a moving tribute to Howard Zinn.

  96. 96
    robertdsc says:

    Joe the Biden has a purple tie.

  97. 97
    Ash Can says:

    I’d take a drink every time a Republican was caught on camera or audio being a boor, but I’d end up in a fucking coma. I will, however, knock back a shot and a beer if some asshole yells out of turn a la Joe Wilson. And I’ll mix cyber-martinis for the whole damned joint if he/she uses the N-word in the process.

    And if the prez asks the Sargent-at-Arms to haul the heckler’s keester out the door, I’ll make ’em doubles.

    @Comrade Mary: Many happy returns!

    @cfaller96:

    Chug an entire pitcher if President Obama takes time to welcome the Senate’s newest nude model member, Scott Brown.

    Oh, I’m sure he will. He’s amiable and magnanimous like that. (It also gives him a chance to put Brown on the spot.) What will make me chug-a-lug is if he slips and actually does call him a nude model instead of a senator.

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    Pearl-Clutching Harbor

    I intend to rip this off without shame.

  98. 98
    Tax Analyst says:

    @Betsy:

    Next they’ll be releasing a heavier version for nighttime use: the Max-iPad.

    Almost shorted my keyboard with root-beer spray.

    I was thinking the next step in the product line might be the “i-Patch”, specifically designed for Pirates.

  99. 99
    bob h says:

    Why are the troglodytes on their feet for the healthcare lines? Some concern that they may find themselves on the wrong side of this?

Comments are closed.