Not The Onion

The new softer, cuddlier Taliban:

The Taliban have embarked on a sophisticated information war, using modern media tools as well as some old-fashioned ones, to soften their image and win favor with local Afghans as they try to counter the Americans’ new campaign to win Afghan hearts and minds.

The Taliban’s spiritual leader, Mullah Muhammad Omar, issued a lengthy directive late last spring outlining a new code of conduct for the Taliban. The dictates include bans on suicide bombings against civilians, burning down schools, or cutting off ears, lips and tongues.

We’ll know for sure they are serious about working on their image if they try to change their name to Xe.






18 replies
  1. 1
    pablo says:

    They already have a very sophisticated media outlet,
    it’s called FOX News!

  2. 2
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    or cutting off ears, lips and tongues.

    what a bunch of sweet hearts. Maybe cutting off the entire head is a loophole.

    This is Republican light

  3. 3
    Matt says:

    So, they’re moving to the center? Broder must love this!

  4. 4
    Scruffy McSnufflepuss says:

    So, does this mean they no longer set female students on fire? Or do they still torch them, but then quickly douse the flames?

  5. 5
    Stroszek says:

    Ah, compassionate conservatism…

  6. 6
    Cat Lady says:

    We’ll know for sure they are serious about working on their image if they try to change their name to Xe Scott Brown.

    fixt.

  7. 7
    SpotWeld says:

    Um… okay. Personal ignorance time.

    Isn’t this pretty much the best we could hope for.
    There was now was of utter elimination of the Taliban, just creating an enviroment where the violence and terrorism is no longer an effective way for the Taliban to gain and maintain its powerbase?

    I do realize this is more than likely a PR campaign, but if we’ve altered the situation where a “political” Taliban gets more results than a terrorist Taliban then … it sounds hopeful at least?

  8. 8
    Annie says:

    @General Winfield Stuck:

    LOL…You are just too quick sometimes :)

  9. 9

    @General Winfield Stuck: Republicans are Taliban-lite. Where is there commitment to the cause, if you know what I mean.

  10. 10
    jrg says:

    So what’s to stop Afghanis from having man-on-dog sex? God is going to be really pissed about this.

  11. 11
    bemused says:

    Almost everything is Orwellian pr now. Greed is God’s work. Up is down. Left is right. It’s exhausting just trying to process the amount of bs slinging going on every day. No wonder so many people not paying attention get sucked into right wing talking points.

  12. 12

    And in other religious fanatic news:

    Fox’s Steve Doocy came out this morning with a new defense of the controversial U.S. military rifle scopes featuring inscriptions that cite the New Testament: if anyone made America’s wars about religion, our Muslim extremist foes started it!

    And, no Steve, that is not MENSA on the other line. Sheesh.

  13. 13
    Why oh why says:

    The dictates include bans on suicide bombings against civilians, burning down schools, or cutting off ears, lips and tongues.

    Why not read enemies of the Taliban their Miranda rights too? Doesn’t Mullah Omar know his country is at war? Doesn’t he want to keep Afghans safe?

    /cheney

  14. 14
    Scruffy McSnufflepuss says:

    The Taliban have proven themselves to be soft on terrorism.

  15. 15
    Comrade Sock Puppet of the Great Satan says:

    Why not rebrand as Altrialiban?

  16. 16
    scav says:

    my first thought was What’s you betcha? in Pashto (or whatever). Also.

  17. 17
    Tsulagi says:

    Okay, that’s funny. You just know after the directive came down…

    The dictates include bans on suicide bombings against civilians, burning down schools, or cutting off ears, lips and tongues.

    …some were bitching about Omar using an executive order to cave to the far left. Allahdamned DFHs.

  18. 18
    Tax Analyst says:

    Are you SURE this is the Onion, John?

    Bizarre, to say the least, but I must say this thread has generated an excellent snark-to-comment ratio so far.

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