Sugar plum fairy came and hit the streets

House-to-house fighting has turned The War On Christmas into an unwinnable quagmire:

We’re asking YOU to decide which retailers are “Christmas-friendly.” They want your patronage and your gift-shopping dollars, but do they openly recognize Christmas?

Please post your rating and share your comments, which will go directly to retailers and appear on this site. Then, forward them to a friend!

Who knew that Best Buy hated the baby Jesus so much?


Comment
: Totally disgusted with Best Buy. Got my weekly ad in the paper wishing everyone a Happy Eid al-Adha. Never saw anything from Best Buy wishing customers a Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas. I have spent thousand at Best Buy over the years. Won’t spend another penny there. BB hope you have a Happy Eid al-Adha. I’ll be having a very Merry Christmas spending my $$$’s at another electronic store.

Comment: I wish I knew about this store prior to my purchase. The service was good and they were friendly. No Happy Holidays, no Merry Cchristmas nothing. Now I know why. Last time I shop here.

Gap too:

Comment: I went into the store and asked a manager about their Christmas policy. The manager was very polite,but didn’t know anything about their Christmas policy. She took my number and promised to call me when she had more information. I never heard from her. I will not shop at Gap. There are plenty of other stores out there to take my money. Merry Christmas!!!!!!

Comment: I have shopped at GAP since I was in high school. Unfortunately for GAP and its sister companies, I will no longer be patronizing any of their stores until a drastic change is made in their advertising in regards to honoring the GOD who gives them each breath.

Comment: First thing I notice is that they are only playing non-Christian Christmas songs (Jingle Bells, etc.). Unacceptable. I ask a clerk, “What is the reason for the season?” and I get back “What?”. I buy a shirt and when they ask me what kind of wrapping paper, I reply that I want nativity paper or something showing the baby Jesus. They say they only have snowflakes and snowmen and green/red paper. What does green and red have to do with JESUS?

241 replies
  1. 1
    Comrade Darkness says:

    Oh yeah baby, Christmas is all about the crass consumerism.

  2. 2
    GregB says:

    It is high time that Santa Claus goes Galt.

    -G

  3. 3
    robertdsc says:

    If there ever were a topic that deserved the Hoot/Smalley tag, this is it.

  4. 4
    Dan says:

    Happy Hannukah!

  5. 5
    Dan says:

    Stop fucking shopping and go to church. Churches are all about Jesus and the reason for the season and they play the right kind of music for you. And they will say Merry Christmas to you (but probably only on Christmas day).

  6. 6
    cleek says:

    “What is the reason for the season?”

    the slight tilt of the earth on its axis results in less solar radiation reaching the northern hemisphere during this part of its annual orbit. this causes temperatures to fall. bitch.

  7. 7
    malraux says:

    I buy a shirt and when they ask me what kind of wrapping paper, I reply that I want nativity paper or something showing the baby Jesus. They say they only have snowflakes and snowmen and green/red paper. What does green and red have to do with JESUS?

    Jesus would totally have driven to another store after something like that.

    Moreover, I hate this enforced Christmas creep. Christmas is not a christian holy period lasting from black friday to new years eve. Seriously, why would you wish someone merry christmas right now? Its still weeks away.

    oooo; an edit button again.

  8. 8
    Lolis says:

    All these batshit crazy earnest people throw off my snark detector.

  9. 9

    Eventually these dipshits will all move beneath bridges that have John 3:16 spray painted on the overpass because that’s the only place that shows the proper respect to Jebus!

    But first we have to get them to the point where they make a ruckus because Christmas is celebrated in December when Jesus’ birthday is really sometime in April.

  10. 10
    mistermix says:

    That site really is a walk on the wild side.

  11. 11
    Tokyokie says:

    I don’t know whether I’ve ever seen any wrapping paper with the baby Jesus on it, so good luck explaining the lack of Christmas presents to your family, dude.

  12. 12

    I don’t get it. If the Baby Geezus and Gawd require so much attention, why do these people only seem to care about it for a few weeks a year?

    Wouldn’t they also want to screen their weeky grocery ads, to see if Safeway and Meijer stores are acknowledging the glory of the GAWD that created their broccoli, their pot roasts, and their dairy cows?

    Wouldn’t they also want to talk to the manager of their dry cleaners to find out if he understands that Geezus watches over his dry cleaning equipment? His parking spaces?

    Treating The Lord like royalty for a couple weeks every year is shirking, giving short shrift to the importance of His dominion on earth,is it not?

    These people are just bullshit artists. Let’s see them show this kind of loyalty year-round.

    Also, praise Geezus for the edits He has given us.

  13. 13
    charles johnson says:

    I ask a clerk, “What is the reason for the season?”

    from Wikipedia:

    The Winter Solstice occurs exactly when the earth’s axial tilt is farthest away from the sun at its maximum of 23° 26′. Though the Winter Solstice lasts an instant in time, the term is also colloquially used like Midwinter to refer to the day on which it occurs. For most people in the high latitudes this is commonly known as the shortest day and the sun’s daily maximum position in the sky is the lowest. The seasonal significance of the Winter Solstice is in the reversal of the gradual lengthening of nights and shortening of days. The Winter Solstice is also the shortest day or lowest sun position for people in low latitudes located between the Tropic of Cancer (23°26’N) and the Tropic of Capricorn (23°26’S).[1]
    Depending on the shift of the calendar, the winter solstice occurs some time between December 21 and December 22 each year in the Northern Hemisphere, and between June 20 and June 21 in the Southern Hemisphere.[2]
    Diagram of the Earth’s seasons as seen from the north. Far right: December solstice
    Worldwide, interpretation of the event has varied from culture to culture, but most cultures have held a recognition of rebirth, involving holidays, festivals, gatherings, rituals or other celebrations around that time.[3]

  14. 14
    me says:

    Never has there been a website more demanding of the attention of 4chan.

    Edit: Hey, I can edit now.

  15. 15
    GeneJockey says:

    I, too would have thought this was satire, if I hadn’t seen a thread on an archery/bowhunting forum I visit. Some guy was going on and on about how he was never gonna shop at Krogers anymore, because they were acknowledging Kwanzaa and Hanukkah, and not being entirely focused on Christmas (and guess which one bothered him more).

    On December 3rd.

    Even the local wingnuts thought he was going too far, but he insisted Krogers was anti-Christian, because the AFA told him so.

  16. 16
    charles johnson says:

    of course it had to break my blockquote.

  17. 17
    AhabTRuler says:

    Hah! Syncretism bites back hard on the rebound. Kharma’a a bitch, innit?!

  18. 18
    cleek says:

    of course it had to break my blockquote.

    stick a ‘…’ between the paras.

  19. 19
    donovong says:

    So, when are we going to create our own holiday honoring the birth of FSM? Then we can all smite the unbelievers with clusterbombs and waterboard the fuckers into oblivion!

  20. 20
    joe from Lowell says:

    I like the snarl with which they pronounce “Merry Christmas,” as if saying “Fuck you,” or perhaps “This is MY crew’s turf.”

    Feel the Christian love.

  21. 21
    gbear says:

    I have to say that if I see a fish symbol in a storefront or on a piece of advertising, I know that I will never set foot inside their store. No Jesus goods for me.

  22. 22
    GregB says:

    Christmaso fascism.

    -G

  23. 23
  24. 24
    maya says:

    How timely! Because of this outstanding post I have now solved all my Xmas shopping problems in one swell foop. Everyone I hold near and dear is getting one of these for Xmas from that leader in Xmas merchant cheer, Bass Pro Shops. And, at only $10.99 apiece, that leaves me with plenty of cash to buy specific caliber shells to stuff them with for my really loved ones. Thanks, Dougj.

  25. 25
    mistermix says:

    Not to drill in too deeply into this vein of crazy, it’s funny that Target, which doesn’t allow the Salvation Army on their premises, outranks Wal-Mart, which does. As long as Target doles out a few “Merry Christmases”, they’ve done their bit for JESUS.

  26. 26
    Blue Raven says:

    @AhabTRuler:

    Syncretism bites back hard on the rebound.

    The word is actually appropriation in this case. Syncretism requires admitting you’re doing it.

  27. 27
    gbear says:

    @cleek:

    I LOLed. win.

  28. 28
    jcricket says:

    @malraux:

    Moreover, I hate this enforced Christmas creep. Christmas is not a christian holy period lasting from black friday to new years eve. Seriously, why would you wish someone merry christmas right now? Its still weeks away.

    You know what’s funny? I have a conservative Christian friend (on FB kind of friend) who rails about how Christmas should be celebrated starting on “Jesus’ birthday” (she means the 25th) and for 12 days after, the same day you’d celebrate a real baby’s birthday.

    But she’d be the same person responding to this kind of right-wing meme, demanding fealty to “Christmas” from Thanksgiving to baby Jesus’ birthday.

    So she can simultaneously rant about how people don’t celebrate Christmas (it’s all commercialism, waaah) and that they should commercially celebrate it more.

    brain-splodes.

  29. 29
    cleek says:

    The manager was very polite,but didn’t know anything about their Christmas policy. She took my number and promised to call me when she had more information. I never heard from her

    this one is great.

    imagine the look on the manager’s face when she hung up on that call : WTF ? ! ?

    like anyone in their right mind is going to voluntarily call some religious crank who apparently has all the time in the world to badger people about how they fail to meet her religious demands. “i manage a fucking GAP, bitch. i’m not paid to argue about the meaning of Christmas with Bible thumping shut-ins.”

  30. 30
    MattF says:

    And where, I ask you, is the baby Jesus app?

  31. 31
    Phil says:

    I swear if I were a retail store manager and witnessed a customer harassing one of my clerks over garbage like this, I would kick them right the hell out of the store and tell them politely to never, ever come back.

  32. 32
    Anya says:

    What happened to that email that was circulating few weeks ago about how the Obama Adm was banning Christmas from the WH?

    I tell you this lame war against Christmas must be failing since the gory consumerism of the season doesn’t seem to be lessening.

  33. 33
    charles johnson says:

    “stick a ‘…’ between the paras.”

    I took out all the empty lines between the paras. But there were several spaces at the beginning of one sentence, which apparently caused the failure.

    Be kinda nice to have a blockquote feature that wasn’t coded by Trig Palin.

  34. 34
    Notorious P.A.T. says:

    People wrapped up in religion are behaving irrationally? Who would have ever thought that would happen!

  35. 35
    Paris says:

    I shopped at Target because it sounds French.

  36. 36
    Mnemosyne says:

    @cleek:

    The “reason for the season” is that it’s dark and cold outside and people need an excuse to throw a big party to cheer themselves up. That’s why the early Christians decided to take over Saturnalia rather than celebrate Jesus’ birth in the spring when (the Bible says) it actually happened. Only an incompetent shepherd keeps watch over his flocks by night in the dead of winter. You do it in the spring when all of your ewes are giving birth and attracting predators that you need to chase off.

  37. 37
    MBSS says:

    seriously, guys. tebow is having a rough morning. let’s go easy on christmas.

  38. 38
    charles johnson says:

    “December 6th, 2009 at 12:02 pm Reply to this comment

    donovong

    So, when are we going to create our own holiday honoring the birth of FSM? Then we can all smite the unbelievers with clusterbombs and waterboard the fuckers into oblivion!

    wikipedia:

    “Holiday

    Around the time of Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, Pastafarians celebrate a vaguely-defined holiday named “Holiday”. Holiday does not take place on “a specific date so much as it is the Holiday season, itself”. Because Pastafarians “reject dogma and formalism”, there are no specific requirements for Holiday. Pastafarians are instructed to celebrate Holiday however they please.[28]

    Pastafarians interpret the increasing usage of “Happy Holidays”, rather than more traditional greetings (such as “Merry Christmas”), as support for Pastafarianism.[28] In December 2005, George W. Bush’s White House Christmas greeting cards wished people a happy “holiday season”,[29] leading Henderson to write the President a note of thanks, including a “fish” emblem depicting the Flying Spaghetti Monster for his limo or plane.[30] Henderson also thanked Wal-mart for its use of the phrase.[31]”

  39. 39

    All seriousness aside, though, isn’t this really a time to remind ourselves of a big important thing that we need reminding of?

    Somewhere around a fourth of Americans, give or take, believe what I call the Stupidity Package: War on Christmas is real, Young Earth, Creation Theory, Junk Science, etc.

    The entire political viability of the GOP rests on the idea that this ignorant and crazy slice of the population will show up on any given election day and vote for their candidates and ballot measures. Take the morons away, and the GOP is no longer a functioning political party in this country.

    Some people on our side seem to live in continual trepidation that the morons are going to take over the country again. I take comfort in knowing how dumb, how predictable, how reactionary, how delusional, and how narrow-minded they are, and how likely it is that if we stay focussed and work together, we can outnumber them at the polls (nationally) consistently and effectively. Like we did last time.

    Something to really celebrate during this pagan yuletime. Eh?

  40. 40
    MBSS says:

    pysch! screw tebow and stupid christians with a persecution complex.

  41. 41
    jcricket says:

    @Phil: Then there would be a story circulating NewsMax and Drudge about how 11 men dressed in Gap Uniforms and Muslim garb were praying to Allah and forcing all the Christians out of the store as a dry run to blowing up some malls.

  42. 42
    cleek says:

    I will no longer be patronizing any of their stores until a drastic change is made in their advertising in regards to honoring the GOD who gives them each breath.

    yeah! you should only patronize stores that will fly the flag of Jesus as you gobble up goodies made by Buddha-worshipping Chinese and Koreans.

    have a superficial Christmas
    it’s the best time of the year
    la la la

  43. 43
    AhabTRuler says:

    Syncretism requires admitting you’re doing it.

    I think that our commercial and marketing overlords are pretty upfront about their desires to coöpt & blend any and all winter religious holidays into a monolithic consumer buying season. I mean, they don’t broadcast it in a press-release, but once you unpack some of the corporate doublespeak, the expressed intent is fairly straightforward.

  44. 44
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    I love the chart with its Friendly/Negligent/Offensive ratings for. Each store. Clip’n’save for this year’s shopping expeditions!

    (I guess I hardly need say that I’ll be heading straight for the Offensive shops.)

  45. 45
    smiley says:

    Everyone here knows this but I’ll say it anyway. Those people have been indoctrinated to believe that America was founded as a Christian nation, refuse to accept that anyone other than Christians as legitimate citizens, and believe that only Christmas is to be celebrated on that made-up date.

    OT but as someone who lives in a city that has a fairly large arts college, I am quite familiar with this species (via Sully).

  46. 46
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    (Sorry about funky punctuation and sentence frags. I can’t always see what I’m typing on the BlackBerry for unknown reasons, and no edit function on the BB either.)

  47. 47
    Riggsveda says:

    “What does green and red have to do with JESUS?”

    Well, Jesus tells us when to stop and when to go, as in “Stop doing that,” and “Go do this.” And I think at this point he’d be saying, “Stop buying all this stupid shit and go think about the ‘judge not lest ye be judged’ part.”

  48. 48
    AkaDad says:

    I talk to God and he told me to tell everyone, “Happy Holidays.”

  49. 49
    Mnemosyne says:

    @smiley:

    Those people have been indoctrinated to believe that America was founded as a Christian nation, refuse to accept that anyone other than Christians as legitimate citizens, and believe that only Christmas is to be celebrated on a made-up date.

    If you really want to get picky, our nation was founded by people who left England to escape Christmas since the Puritans refused to celebrate it and felt it was a mere excuse for decadence and frivolity.

    ETA: Which, of course, it is. Everyone needs a little frivolity in December.

  50. 50
    Steerpike says:

    Sounds more like they are observing Festivus, with its venerable tradition of “Airing of Grievances”

  51. 51
    Kevin says:

    “What is your Christmas policy?”

    Uh…how do you even answer that? “We have some lovely sales in the pants department”. Was the person on the phone supposed to know that this was about saying “Merry Christmas” and replacing the checkout with a creche? Seriously, the code language has gotten so thick that these people are going around living in a parallel universe. We can see them, we can touch them, but we can no longer communicate.

    “Excuse me, what is the reason for the season”. “Uh, what?” “That’s it, I’m never shopping here again! The answer is JESUS!!!”

    But it all makes sense to them. And here they are with a handy metric that tells you how Jesusy every store is. It’s awesome.

  52. 52
    El Cid says:

    What’s supposed to happen is that when you walk into a chain electronic store, the employees are supposed to shout at you “MERRY CHRISTMAS ! CHRIST CHRIST CHRIST JESUS CHRIST CHRISTIAN GOD JESUS CHRIS ! CHRIST-MASS !”

  53. 53
    Shawn in ShowMe says:

    Dear Wingnut Customer,

    Thanks for shopping with us. We greatly value your business and are committed to winning you back as a customer.

    If it’s a Christmas-centered buying experience you’re looking for, please consider shopping at our online site. Go to http://www.bestbuy.com, take a few minutes to sign up and login. Click on “Account Profile” and under “User Settings” click on “Baby Jesus”.

    Not only will the site be customized with Christmas-specific language and images, every order over $100 includes a copy of Mannheim Steamroller’s latest CD, free. Merry Christmas.

    Sincerely,

    Best Buy Holiday Manager

  54. 54
    4tehluz says:

    BRB gonna shop at Best Bu…

    No, even the chance to piss off the holiday warriors is not enough to get me to shop at Best Buy.

  55. 55
    growingdaisies says:

    Bwahahahahahahahahahaha … I wonder how hard it is to get an account with this site. I want to post messages praising the glories of my local Best Buy, who dressed each of its cashiers as a member of the nativity, with the store manager periodically swooping through the air via a zip-line in full angel garb.

    I want to post a message saying my local porn shop always wishes me a Merry Christmas.

    The possibilities are endless.

  56. 56
    MattF says:

    @Mnemosyne

    In fact, the Puritans objected strenuously to the ‘mas’ in Christmas– Masses were for Catholics and their Satanic spawn, etc.

  57. 57
    El Cid says:

    I am boycotting this site because no one said MERRY CHRIST-MASS to me within the last few seconds, therefore I am oppressed.

  58. 58
    joe from Lowell says:

    MBSS

    seriously, guys. tebow is having a rough morning. let’s go easy on christmas.

    Gotta love those sad eyes above the eyeblack with the Bible verse on them.

    Eli, eli, lama intercept me?

  59. 59
    AhabTRuler says:

    @Riggsveda: I thought it told him “Red Right Returning,” for navigational purposes.

  60. 60
    Warren Terra says:

    This is why the wingers want us in Afghanistan: to pick up tips from the /real/ Taliban. I’m certain the nutter who demands random store clerks recite a catechism dreams of having the sinners flogged.

  61. 61
    gnomedad says:

    @Dan:

    Stop fucking shopping and go to church. Churches are all about Jesus and the reason for the season and they play the right kind of music for you. And they will say Merry Christmas to you (but probably only on Christmas day).

    This.

    @cleek:

    you should only patronize stores that will fly the flag of Jesus as you gobble up goodies made by Buddha-worshipping Chinese and Koreans.

    Also.

  62. 62
    VladCad says:

    This will not interfere with my Saturnalia debauchery in the least.

  63. 63
    Comrade Darkness says:

    @kommrade reproductive vigor: We can only hope they end up beneath bridges, in reality I fear they will form a more organized Christian Mutaween and really screw over the rest of us (and the remains of the constitution) with something more than whining. Their cries of how the left will have us in hijabs is pure, unadulterated projection.

  64. 64
    Warren Terra says:

    PS: I even get an Edit button in my phone’s Opera Mini browser! Joy!

    (I’d use the edit function to post this PS, but it’s a cheap phone and a second browser, limited to 200 characters of text entry).

  65. 65
    MBSS says:

    i’m going to start celebrating Cthulhu Day to piss off christians.
    i’ll walk around with a octopus on my head uttering: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

  66. 66

    Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

    Hey, who among us hasn’t said that!?

  67. 67
    Stan says:

    “So let’s give thanks to the lord above
    ‘Cause Santa Claus comes tonight!”

  68. 68
    Comrade Mary says:

    Oh, God. I just read the post title.

    I love you, DougJ.

  69. 69
    RSA says:

    Ever wandered through a Christian bookstore looking for gifts? Of the non-ironic sort, I mean (you can’t count this sort of thing). It’s impossible. So I can see why good Christians would be complaining—their own stores just aren’t up to the the task of Christmas shopping.

  70. 70
    Steerpike says:

    I have gotten in the habit, over the last few years, of saying “Happy Christmas”, rather than “Merry Christmas”. This has an interesting effect on the fundies, sort of like the androids in the Star Trek episode who are defeated by ingenious paradoxes. Their eyes pop open, and they tilt their heads to the side, and you can almost hear the conflict in what passes for their “brains” as they try to determine whether I’m “one of them” or not. I did say “Christmas”, so I must be a Christian (for the record: I’m not), but I didn’t use the Accepted Code Phrase, so I might be a heathen (FTR: yup). “Happy Holidays” is the trigger for the standard “Fuck you, it’s ‘Merry Christmas, asshole'”, but I didn’t really say that, so…*bzzt*…I might be OK…*click*…but if I don’t say the right words…*SSzzzt*…I must hate Baby Jeebus…

    Then I walk away as the smoke and sparks start coming out of their ears.

  71. 71
    monkeyboy says:

    1) Celebrating Christmas is a family occasion.

    2) A lot of male clerks who work at clothing and book stores are gay.

    3) Gays are anti-family and thus anti-Christmas.

    They might as well boycott any store employing clerks that “look funny”.

  72. 72
    kay says:

    I think the whole thing is very, very funny. Sad, but funny.

    They can’t object to the fact that Christmas has become entirely centered on commercialism, because that conflicts with their abject worship of markets, and the economic dogma trumps the religious dogma every day of the week.

    They can’t get shopping out of Christmas, because that violates Tenet Number One: “if someone is making money, it can’t be bad”.

    The solution? Bring Christ INTO THE STORE.

    I almost feel sorry for conservative religious these days. They’re spinning around, trying to square this religion-consumerism circle, and it just gets more difficult.

  73. 73
    freelancer says:

    I think every one of these commenters would prefer it if the whole world talked like Glen Moon.

    Let’s Go Livonia!

    Also, get ‘cher Tebow Schadenfreude here.

  74. 74
    ihop says:

    mammon is the reason for the season.

  75. 75
    comrade scott's agenda of rage says:

    I’ve said it before about these people and I’ll say it again:

    Secede. Please. I’d rather have the loyal opposition be Ben Nelson and his ilk rather than the American Taliban.

  76. 76
    elaine says:

    Sheesh the wingnuts can’t even get the tradition right. You know, the one where all the fasting and prep ends (Advent) and the 12 days of partying begins. That’s when you go around threatening merchants unless they provide enough food and drink to keep you and your posse happily intoxicated.

  77. 77
    morzer says:

    This is wonderful! I can start making lists of good stores where I won’t have to deal with Christianist morons! Hurrah!

  78. 78
    El Cid says:

    I think stores should be required by law to greet customers with “Happy Jesus!” for this CHRIST-MASS season.

  79. 79
    Midnight Marauder says:

    Let’s not overlook that Grinch/Scrooge-like bastion of Christmas Hatred, Banana Republic.

    I’m so sad, because I like their clothes! And I’m sad for their employees who are told not to say “Christmas”. Many of them must be conflicted. They are mostly young people, so I wonder, does it harm their faith? Add to the prayer list….

    There are just so many layers to this one. But the high level of concern about the “young people” who are forbidden from saying Christmas? Are there really a group of people out there thinking to themselves, “Oh wow. My manager told me not to say Christmas this year, but the creator of the Universe, Yahweh Jehovah Lord God Big Dawg Upstairs, wants me to say it to everyone everywhere, even if they’re Jewish or Muslim or don’t celebrate the holiday at all. WHAT TO DO?!” Yes, they definitely need to be on your prayer list–the kids folding polos and khakis at Banana Republic.

    Since you are only selling “Holiday Gifts” and I only buy “Christmas Gifts”, there will be no need for me to shop in your store.

    Apparently, Christmas is no longer a holiday. Who knew?

    I clicked on their ad and used their search function. Typing in “Christmas gifts” I got “Holiday gifts.” Narrowing my search, I typed in “Christmas” and got “0 results for this search.” They will get the same number of purchases from me.

    I wonder how many search results they would have gotten if they had typed in “pants”?

    Could find no mention on Chistmas on their website. Very sad. I used to be a fan.

    This comment was from November 23. 3 days before Christmas. Very sad indeed.

  80. 80
    phantomist says:

    Shawn
    Let me guess…..you’re in marketing.
    If no stores are currently doing this, I think they will be soon.
    I think I need to rewatch Bill Hicks.

  81. 81
    Comrade Darkness says:

    @joe from Lowell: Ding! This is all about forcing people to take sides so they can really get their anger on. Honestly nothing else must make them feel alive. Playing along by taking the opposite side will only cheer their victimized little hearts.

    Oh Christmas Cheer, why hast thou forsaken me?!

  82. 82
    Splitting Image says:

    The only Christians I’m willing to take seriously on this subject are the ones who recognize Easter as a more important holiday than Christmas.

    It’s about the crucifixion, dudes.

    Anyone who doesn’t celebrate Easter holed up in a church for six weeks isn’t worth listening to about Festiv-, I mean Christmas.

  83. 83
    MBSS says:

    @freelancer:

    FTR, post #69 in sat. night open thread:

    T-bow:

    My God, my God, why hath thou forsaken me?

    i’m pretty sure i started that intertronz meme ;O)

  84. 84
    Nylund says:

    The truly funny thing is that Eid al-Adha is centered around celebrating Abraham. Yet, its an insult to their God that anyone may celebrate the person who first decided to worship their God.

    Without Abraham their entire religion would not even exist yet they find it a great tragedy that anyone would celebrate him?!

    These people REALLY need a better understanding of the common roots between their religion and the one they seem to hate so much.

  85. 85
    Comrade Darkness says:

    @Anya: In a sane world it would have died a death due to the policy being a continuation of an old one of Bush’s the wingers somehow missed complaining about earlier. It was with regards to the guidelines sent to artists creating ornaments for the White House trees.

  86. 86
    Rick Taylor says:

    There are just so many layers to this one. But the high level of concern about the “young people” who are forbidden from saying Christmas?

    How soon before there’s a post comparing these young people to persecuted Christians in Roman times, who had to keep their faith secret or risk being thrown to the lions?

  87. 87
    El Cid says:

    Jesus didn’t die on the cross so that someday you would rush out to consumer electronics stores without their low paid employees screaming “FUCK YOU NON-CHRISTIAN” at everybody who wasn’t wearing a cross, a sign saying “MERRY CHRIST-MASS INFIDEL”, and carrying a KING JAMES bible in its original language.

  88. 88
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Rick Taylor:

    How soon before there’s a post comparing these young people to persecuted Christians in Roman times, who had to keep their faith secret or risk being thrown to the lions?

    Or moved to stocking fleece jackets in the Coliseum back room.

  89. 89
    PurpleGirl says:

    Splitting Image (#77): Yes! This. Easter is the Most Important Holy Day. Easter should be the reason for all of it, for being a Christian, a follower of the Christ. (I may be non-observing these days but when/if you really think about your beliefs you should realize this. It makes me crazy that so many people don’t. )

  90. 90
    Steerpike says:

    Fundies are always most concerned about Jeebus at Christmas, when he’s a cute little baby, and Easter, when he’s suffering in agony on the cross, because their version of him at those times is SILENT. The part in the middle, when he is actually preaching, is much more problematic. The things he said should rightfully make them very uncomfortable, because he was pointing out exactly the kinds of narrow-minded, ritual-obsessed, exclusionary, hateful rhetoric they themselves are so obviously guilty of.

  91. 91
    Sly says:

    It’s been well established that Santa has operational ties to Al Qaeda. Ties that go back decades. Intelligence sources have revealed that the North Pole Elves have been secretly developing nuclear weapons, and we have clear intelligence that a deal was reached between KSM and Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer to work out the operational details for numerous weapons of mass destruction-related program activities. And it’s been pretty well confirmed that Mohamed Atta did go to Prague and he did meet with a senior official of the North Pole intelligence service in April of 2001.

    Recently the British government has learned that Santa recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa. We don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.

    I have no reason to believe that even those sharp critics of this war would actually aid and abet the enemy in any more tangible ways than they have done already. And that dissent is part of what we’re fighting for. But the coastal parts of this country – the great blue zones that voted for Obama – are clearly ready for war. The decadent Right in its enclaves in the “heartland” is not dead, and may well mount what amounts to a fifth column.

    By fifth column, I meant simply their ambivalence about the outcome of a war on which I believe the future of liberty hangs.

  92. 92
    El Cid says:

    @Steerpike: I have often said this. Good Christians like Jesus when he’s a baby who lets them buy Christmas presents, and then when he’s on the cross dutifully dying so that he can take their sins away and thus dispense salvation as easily as an ATM machine dispenses money.

    That part with all the preachin’ about helpin’ the poor and shit, yeah, fuck that shit, Baby Jesus wants you to spend a lot of time yelling at shop employees for not making you feel better about Christianity.

  93. 93
    licensed to kill time says:

    Why do these people need others to validate their beliefs? I think their faith, it’s not so strong. Boofuckinghoo.

  94. 94
    ppcli says:

    seriously, guys. tebow is having a rough morning. let’s go easy on christmas.
    Gotta love those sad eyes above the eyeblack with the Bible verse on them.

    Good thing I wasn’t around Tebow, because it would have brought out my inner ass**le. I wouldn’t have been able to resist saying something like “I guess God wanted you to lose this badly. You’ve offended him in some way. Maybe next time you should put Matthew 6:5-6 on the eyeblack patches.”

  95. 95
    gbear says:

    @Midnight Marauder:

    I wonder how many search results they would have gotten if they had typed in “pants”?

    Probably the same number of results they would have gotten if they’d searched ‘christmas pants” or “jesus pants”.

    But that would be a silly thing to search.

  96. 96
    Chad N Freude says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    I guess I hardly need say that I’ll be heading straight for the Offensive shops.

    Exactly my reaction.
    Not that that’s particularly interesting, but I want to see if I get the edit button.

    Whoopee! I can edit. Thank the FSM or John’s tech supporters (tech jocks?) or whoever. This is truly a Merry Holiday-Of-Your-Choice.

  97. 97
  98. 98
    Bill says:

    “What does green and red have to do with JESUS?”

    I am not sure what green and red have to do with Jesus, but what do shopping, or protesting-non-Gap-shopping have to do with Jesus?

  99. 99
    johnny says:

    There are times when I think that Will Ferrell isn’t a particular smart or incisive comedian.

    Then I see this and thank god for the dinner table scene in Talladega Nights. That’s literally what the loudest on the right have become now.

    Also, I love how the one person held the cashier personally responsible. As if cashiers at these places know anything.

  100. 100
    kay says:

    They’re ruining Christmas for the rest of us with all this complaining.

    I think it’s time to pull that time-honored parental threat out.

    You know they heard it as children.

  101. 101
    The Sheriff Is A Ni- says:

    @joe from Lowell:

    Eli, eli, lama intercept me?

    Eli’s having his own problems making the postseason. Try a higher power like Peyton.

  102. 102

    And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.

  103. 103
    ed says:

    “What is the reason for the season?”

    “Um, like, I’m like pretty sure it has something to do with the tilt of Teh Earth’s axis?”

  104. 104

    3rd time for luck

    And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.

  105. 105
    JD Rhoades says:

    First thing I notice is that they are only playing non-Christian Christmas songs (Jingle Bells, etc.). Unacceptable. I ask a clerk, “What is the reason for the season?” and I get back “What?”.

    I laughed hard.

    I don’t get it. If the Baby Geezus and Gawd require so much attention, why do these people only seem to care about it for a few weeks a year?

    Don’t know about where you live, but ’round heah, they’re in your face pretty much 365 days a year. They always demand that someone say grace at every public meal, give an invocation at every public event, and insist that no board or other meetings be held on Wednesday evenings, because “people have church.”

    It’s only at Christmas that their dickishness gets major airplay.

  106. 106
    ppcli says:

    I don’t know why they’re urging a boycott of Best Buy though. I would have thought that accepted practices nowadays would call for a surge of at least 30,000 new shoppers.

  107. 107
    El Cid says:

    All Best Buy employees should be required to watch Glenn Beck’s The Christmas Sweater 10 times in a row, and the survivors will be appropriately right wing, maudlin, and Jesus-y to help out our vulnerable Christian electronics shoppers.

    …And nothing is below him to ennoble his fucking lie of a story. Here’s the worst part (yes, there is a worst part): The last segment of the evening was Beck showing us videos of the stories of people he says were “inspired” to face their “storms” by reading The Christmas Sweater or hearing Beck’s voice. No, really, one guy was said he was heading into a drug store to get sleeping pills to off himself; then he heard Beck speaking, and it caused him to fall to the street sobbing and not kill himself (although public degradation is fine)…

  108. 108
    freelancer says:

    @ppcli:

    or as it was pointed out last night in the OT and prophesied in Matthew 24:50-51:

    The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

    I was at a family friend’s house last night, all very sweet uber-Catholics, and even they were like “WTF? Does he not think people have heard of the Bible? Like, is it that hard to come by?”

    +3 at the time, I said something like, “Well, not if you read the book of Songs. That’s really easy to come by.”

    2 people got that, they were gut-laughing and the rest stared at me like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.

  109. 109
    licensed to kill time says:

    __

    “What is the reason for the season?”

    Sell, baby, sell. Buy stuff. Consume in the name of Jaysus!

  110. 110
    Mark says:

    Maya@24 – did you notice Bass Pro Shop’s calls itself “Santa’s Wonderland”? How did it finish first?!

  111. 111
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @gbear:

    Probably the same number of results they would have gotten if they’d searched ‘christmas pants” or “jesus pants”.
    __
    But that would be a silly thing to search.

    Uh, you’ve clearly never searched for pants at the Banana Republic website. Or even “pant.” That place is just bursting with search results for “pants” and “pant”.

    And I think you’re in for a world of surprise if you search for “christmas pants.”

  112. 112
    Cerberus says:

    I think it’s fascinating. The War on Christmas is where they get explicit about the hidden crap behind all the other battles we end up fighting with the religious right. All the battles over the Pledge of Allegiance, evolution, gay marriage, abortion access, whether we can treat “those” people with a public option health care, “urban” issues, etc…

    They all come down to one big fight, their supposed right to force everyone to conform to their religious beliefs and to enshrine their religious beliefs in our laws and culture. The theocratic impulse.

    Usually it’s the subtext in all these fights, the thing that doesn’t get addressed openly because we are too busy swatting down lies, but for one season out of the year, the built-up wingnut rage over the constant realization that the rest of the world could give a rat’s ass about their religion and are liberalizing in attitudes and culture every year just a little more than before, just explodes. They can’t hide it any longer and they have to have a public meltdown over the fact that they can’t just get rid of everyone who is not them and the existence of all those other people.

    They get to drop the code words and just ask for the culture to completely pretend that no one but them exists and get to go violent at anyone who proves their otherness by celebrating a different holiday or who celebrate the secular winter holiday often called Christmas.

    It’s really something to behold, I think.

  113. 113
    Wilson Heath says:

    Are these whackjobs down on trees, too? That’s paganism. Wreaths and holly and mistletoe? The yule log?

    You know who the real perpetrator is? Santa Claus. Why is it Secret Santa instead of Secret Baby Jesus, huh? Fight the real enemy!

  114. 114
    clussman says:

    My liberal friends, wife and occasionally coworkers freak out a little when I saw Merry Christmas, which I start using when the first of the office ‘Holiday’ parties roll around. I think they’re afraid I’ll offend somebody. They’re also confused by the apparent contradiction. I’m an agnostic with one-and-a-half feet dangling on the atheist side of the fence.

    But it’s a pagan fucking holiday with a pagan fucking tree that celebrates consumer electronics and fun. That’s me. That is a holiday made specifically for me. So Merry fucking Christmas and God (of your choice) Bless Us Every One.

    Plus I was born on December 6th*, the day Saint Nicholas died, so I’m either responsible somehow or his reincarnated spirit. Buddhism bitches.

    * I know Wikipedia says it was the 7th, but what proof do they have? They weren’t there were they? Probably based on some God-damned science bullshit if you ask me.

  115. 115
    Something Fabulous says:

    @Midnight Marauder: “Could find no mention on Chistmas on their website. Very sad.” Spelling it right might have some impact on the result. Also.

  116. 116
    licensed to kill time says:

    @clussman:

    Happy Birthday clussman!

  117. 117
    Comrade Darkness says:

    @clussman: Well, I’ve seen his body, and given that his body is under a church in Bari, Italy, there is certainly a time zone issue in play. So cheer up, maybe he died on Dec 7 there while it was still Dec 6 where you live.

    @Wilson Heath: Don’t forget the gift giving and feasting of Saturnalia. Really, what’s left? True Christians aren’t giving gifts. They are sitting around their nativities, in their humble empty houses, sniffing myrrh.

  118. 118
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Something Fabulous:

    “Could find no mention on Chistmas on their website. Very sad.” Spelling it right might have some impact on the result. Also.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh man, I can’t believe I missed that. These clowns really are the gift that keeps on giving.

    +1

  119. 119
    Chad N Freude says:

    @PanAmerican: Sensational! Another reason to go to Barcelona. Like there aren’t enough already.

  120. 120
    Cerberus says:

    @Rick Taylor:

    My first response was “young people”? They’re probably more likely to be atheists or at least be down on this type of theocratic prattle and even the fundie kids are down on the whole “merry christmas” or nothing.

    So the real “negative” response would likely involve the shitty pay, constantly shifting hours, shitty customers who whine about the reason for the season, unflattering uniforms, evil petty bosses, random “downsizing”, the existence of nametags, and being required to say anything to the middle class spawns of Satan they are forced to penitently serve and grovel before LONG before they even gave a gnat’s thought to the loss of Christmas.

    And that’s before we get into the fact that retail workers HATE Christmas. By the time Christmas arrives, they usually have spent 8 hours of every day being surrounded by the most crass commercialist decorations, non-stop “easy-listening” Christmas carols on a 4 song loop, forced cheer, and a deluge of the customers from Hell.

    So yeah, the young people are like the last people on board for this shit. They’d prefer an actual physical war on Christmas.

  121. 121
    monkeyboy says:

    I get the feeling that that Focus on the Family site is not really about taking action but is instead purposed to collect nutjobs who think that Christmas practices are a worthy thing to take action against.

    Note that you have to register to make a comment which will put you on the FoF mailing and fund-raising lists.

  122. 122
    chrome agnomen says:

    so all these morons get pissed when people wish them a happy HOLY-DAY! have they ever given any thought to the word? guess xmas is no longer a holy-day to them. go figure.

  123. 123
    inkadu says:

    @kay:Christians need to be persecuted is the real reason for their strategy. If Christ is IN the stores, as he was in the 70’s, they complain that Christ does not belong in the store and a wage a purity campaign to get him out. If Christ is not in the stores, it’s an affront to Godly society and he must be put in. The only common common denominator is that Christians are assholes.

    Merry Squidmas.

  124. 124
    MNPundit says:

    @malraux: This is pathetically easy. Why?

    BECAUSE YOU MIGHT NOT SEE THEM AGAIN AND YOU WANT THEM TO HAVE A HAPPY XMAS DAY.

    Try harder.

    Sorry but your question just pissed me off because it was so disingenuous.

  125. 125
    inkadu says:

    @clussman: Preach it, Brother! Time to dump the baby jesus out of his creche, stick a beer can up his butt and throw him on the barbecue. Then we can have a rollickin’ good Christmas! With consumer electronics!

  126. 126

    My Christmas Prayer: Palin throws in her two bent pennies on the topic, which will give the TalEvangicals more attention, which will in turn make them louder. The Teabaggers will also leap up because Queen Common Sense Sarah has spoken.

    That will give the dumb fucks at the Chamber of Commerce (who’ve been involved in a lot of the Free Enterprise b.s.) a headache.

    @Steerpike: This x 10^5^

  127. 127
    Cerberus says:

    How strange, my last post is in moderation.

    Oh well, the highlights:

    It is hilarious that the one lady went on and on about young people, when the young people who work in those shops end up despising Christmas fairly quickly owing to the non-stop jingles and the deluge of the customers from Hell.

    So, they’re the types who are more for a physical war on Christmas rather than good little footsoldiers for the theocracy.

  128. 128
    Martin says:

    What is the reason for the season?

    To extract as much money from consumers as possible. That’s been the reason for a century. Blame R.H. Macy.

    Instead of Baby Jesus on the wrapping paper, putting Zombie Reagan on it would be more appropriate.

  129. 129
    josephdietrich says:

    What does green and red have to do with JESUS?”

    Green is for the eternal life he promised you, your salvation in Heaven. Red is for the blood he shed for you, to wash you of your sins.

    Duh.

  130. 130
    Annie says:

    @El Cid:

    I read last night that Beck was showing his sweater story in several movie theatres last week. Selling tickets for approx. $20.00. It was a total flop. One theatre sold only 17 tickets out of 450 seats.

    @Paris:

    LOL. Isn’t it?

  131. 131
    WarrenS says:

    That website really cries out for attention from Jesus’ General. I’m going to bookmark it; perhaps this week I’ll register, and with luck I’ll be able to do something the General would enjoy.

    Amazing. Just amazing. (facepalm)

  132. 132
    Cerberus says:

    @Steerpike:

    This is also their relationship to people. They like them when they are just potentials without any filthy visible existence (fetuses) or when they are incapable to movement or brain activity (vegetables like Terri Schiavo or deceased people who can’t defend themselves like the “founding fathers”).

    I think it’s just fundies don’t like anyone who exists because of the possibility they might think something different than the fundie. They are narcissism taken to a sociopathic obsession.

  133. 133
    ruemara says:

    Wow. First thing on my tv was Idiocracy, so I come here and-hey! It’s Idiocracy again! These people are beneath my contempt.

    Hey! Edit funkshun!

  134. 134
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    @malraux:

    Uhm, I can’t recall ever seeing wrapping paper with Baby Jesus on it. Am I missing out?

    Edit (yay!): I see I’m not the first with this deep insight.

  135. 135
    ruemara says:

    @cleek:

    You win the internets today.

  136. 136
    Citizen_X says:

    @growingdaisies:

    I want to post a message saying my local porn shop always wishes me a Merry Christmas.

    The possibilities are endless.

    Lolz. I feel like promoting the local (non-existent; I’m in Hoosierland) pot shop, saying that they’ve got a bunch of “Nativity Specials” on Baby Jesus Indica, Three Kings Kush, and the like.

  137. 137
    inkadu says:

    Hm. Just perusing the site. Apparently there are three ratings for stores:

    – Christmas Friendly
    – Christmas Negligent
    – Christmas Offensive

    Since Banana Republic has an 80% “Christmas Offensive” rating, I was hoping to hear some good stories about clerks saying, “Jesus didn’t show at my coming out party,” or, “Where’s Jesus? Jesus? Do you mean Hey-Zeus? He’s in the back. Do you want me to get him?”

    But, no, in typical stupid christian fashion, any store that doesn’t MENTION Christmas is “Christmas OFFENSIVE.” Damnit. Still, there’s some great stuff there:

    Comment Date: Nov 30 2009 8:31 PM
    Rating: Christmas-Offensive
    Comment: I’m so sad, because I like their clothes! And I’m sad for their employees who are told not to say “Christmas”. Many of them must be conflicted. They are mostly young people, so I wonder, does it harm their faith? Add to the prayer list….

    Add to the prayer list… hoo boy.

  138. 138

    What does green and red have to do with JESUS?

    I dunno, what do judgmental, self-righteous pricks and assholes have to do with Jesus?

    Nothing, of course. Too bad this universe doesn’t contain a clue-by-four big enough to beat that idea into their heads.

  139. 139
    Martin says:

    @MNPundit:

    Why don’t you say ‘Merry Christmas’ to your tax accountant in April? You might not see him until next year. What about the employee at the water park – odds are you won’t see him in December? I’m just yanking your chain, but we really say it now because retailers said that Black Friday is the official start of Christmas.

    Once upon a time, you wouldn’t put up your tree until Christmas Eve and Christmas season would last until Epiphany – you know, that whole 12 days that people sing about but have no fucking idea what it refers to? Christmastide refers to the time between Christmas and Epiphany. *That’s* when you are supposed to say it – starting on the 25th and up until Jan 6.

    What’s so funny about the War on Christmas, is that the warriors have it more wrong than people even here are catching onto. They’re declaring War on Retailer Christmas, not church Christmas – church Christmas doesn’t start for another 18 days.

  140. 140

    Many of them must be conflicted. They are mostly young people, so I wonder, does it harm their faith?

    Yes, because their faith must be Christian, right? Heaven knows you can’t let the Joos near money. And the evil Mooslims would have blown up the store.

    And these people wonder why no one gives a fuck about what they think. (For lack of a better word.)

  141. 141
    ppcli says:

    @freelancer:

    Ohh! Matthew 24:50-51 Even better. Wish I’d thought of it.

    As for the joke about “come by” — well, in the words of Beavis: “huh huh huh huh huh…”

  142. 142
    comrade scott's agenda of rage says:

    @El Cid:

    You win Teh Internetzes today.

  143. 143
    fraught says:

    I love it when big box customers start threatening to never shop where their religion is “not respected.” You know their cars just automatically go to those mall parking lots and their bodies are pulled inside like common pins to a magnet.
    The indignation they express when they ask a poor overworked clerk for wrapping paper with pictures of jesus is scrumptious desert for me to read about. I can just picture the shaking jowls, so heavy with Burger King cholesterol, the beer infused eyeball veins bulging, the tobacco breath of their fury, exploding over the counter with righteous xtian rage.

    Yummy.

  144. 144
    clussman says:

    I finally get an edit button and I don’t use it. That last post should have said “say” not “saw” and apparently asterisks create bold paragraphs where they’re not intended.

    licensed to kill time: Thanks.

    Comrade Darkness: I’m cheerful — this is my favorite time of the year. :)

    inkadu: Agreed.

    Cerberus: I can drop multiple ‘fucks’ into one sentence and not go into moderation. What are *you* typing?? Heh.

  145. 145
    Luthe says:

    Someone point me at these bozos so that I may wish them a “Happy Winter Holiday (of your choice).” The ensuing explosion would so be worth it.

  146. 146
    Sidslang says:

    In the War on Christmas, there are by definition at least a few atheists in the foxholes.

  147. 147
    ksmiami says:

    I think the problem is that the TALevangelicals have grown convinced that the loudness of their voices reflects an outsized population of extremists, not reality. Not to mention that the Christian Right is loony and these daily declarations of crazy are sending anyone sane and with an IQ over 90 running for the hills. I mean the real population numbers are maybe 15%. I guess the good news is that they don’t even try to hide their insanity anymore and so come election time, the Democrats can just roll tape…

    p.s. on a personal note, I think this year we will celebrate FESTIVUS!!!!

  148. 148
    MikeBoyScout says:

    All very funny, but seriously no mention of a country with yellow or brown people we could bomb to solve this problem?
    What if people making over $2M per year never had to pay taxes, would that do it?
    okay, okay, okay, how about we take away all the health insurance of the part-time clerks…. oh, right.

  149. 149
    Shell says:

    But the high level of concern about the “young people” who are forbidden from saying Christmas?

    It’s the same ‘concern’ nonsense over prayer in schools, or the watered down version, ‘moment of silence.’ As if that’s the one and only time you can pray and you’re left high and dry and Jesus-less for the rest of your day.

    Lordy, these people can suck the life out of anything. I’m waiting for the inevitable letter(s) to the editor that usually show up in my local paper around this time. You know, the ones that scold us all about the commercialism and how only HE understands the True Meaning of Christmas. It’s the same kind of sour, joyless feeling you get from these people.

  150. 150
    inkadu says:

    Via Huffpo:The muslim holiday mentioned in the flyer is celebrated the day of the flyer. Christians can’t fairly bitch until Dec. 25, when Best Buy is unlikely to even run a flyer because everyone is too busy celebrating Christmas to bother reading commercial flyers. That’s how oppressed Christians are.

  151. 151
    ppcli says:

    @Zuzu’s Petals:

    Good point. Maybe the solution is for the clerks to whisper conspiratorially to these nuts: “Shhh.. actually this paper has blastocyst Jesus on it. See those little dots — they’re so small you can’t tell what they are, but you and I will know. Don’t tell anyone though, because the ACLU would shut the store down and send all of us to prison if anyone found out.”

  152. 152
    Citizen_X says:

    Also: JIngle Bells? They’re complaining about fucking Jingle Bells?

    Fine, assholes. I was going to wish you a Merry Christmas, or a Happy Holidays, or whatever popped into my head at the moment, but have it your way: have a lousy fucking Christmas.

  153. 153

    You know that even if every store hung 20 tons of Christmassy decorations and all the cashiers shouted “Merry Jesus’ Birthday!” these dimbulbs would start in on the quality of the decorations and the sincerity of the greetings and whether the employees were actually “real” Christians.

    Which is why so many companies have decided best business practices involve catering to the sane portion of the population.

    @low-tech cyclist: I shall be stealing Clue-by-Four. Hope you weren’t too attached to it.

  154. 154
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    Well, it’s no surprise that The Gap hates Christmas. After all, it’s based in [cue ominous music] San Francisco! Their idea of a staff meeting is probably a gigantic homo-orgy.

    I definitely support the idea of listing a bunch of porn stores and weed dispensaries as being Christmas-friendly.

  155. 155
    Little Boots says:

    Since none of these people seem remotely capable of having a Merry Christmas, wishing them one seems a little a cruel. “A Bitter, Resentful, Hate-Fueled Christmas to you, Ma’am, and thanks for shopping at Best Buy” seems more appropriate, and a little kinder.

  156. 156
    drag0n says:

    This one pretty much says it all about these folks:

    Comment Date: Nov 24 2009 9:36 PM
    Rating: Christmas-Offensive
    Comment: I noticed the Muslims milling about the store, but no mention of Christmas anywhere…so I didn’t bother to spend any of my money here.

  157. 157
    Anoniminous says:

    Look for the silver lining.

    While these pasty-faced ignorant morons are yelling at under-paid, over-worked, store clerks their kids are getting a solid education in what “Christianity” is all about: rage, hate, and paranoia.

  158. 158
    mcd410x says:

    There are entire legions devoted to explaining how, when Jesus said “Do unto others” or “Turn the other cheek,” he didn’t really mean what he was saying.

  159. 159
    malraux says:

    @MNPundit: I don’t start wishing people happy thanksgiving till a week or two away. I also want people to have a good new years. If I don’t know the person real well (which given that we are talking about retail situations is pretty likely), I might not even know if they celebrate xmas vs hanukkah vs solstice. Seriously, at what point do you start wishing people happy easter? Unless its immediately following ash wednesday, you’re clearly just making stuff up.

  160. 160
    Ash Can says:

    The word these people keep using, “Christian.” I do not think it means what they think it means.

  161. 161
    El Cid says:

    This settles it. I will now buy all my plasma TV’s and iPods from the Christian electronics store chains.

  162. 162
    El Cid says:

    Just for fun, I think you should go into the various chain big box stores, lean close to a store employee, and say, in a very conspiratorial tone, “MERRYChristmas…” and then back away while winking.

    That would help.

  163. 163
    ksmiami says:

    It is getting hard to even do satire when Ned Flanders is no longer just a Simpsons character, but a living member of the 101st fighting persecuted white christian brigade!

  164. 164
    Nutella says:

    Jesus never bought electronics at Best Buy. He was too busy throwing the money-lenders out of the temple. I wish the god-botherers would spend more time reading those verses.

    I wish I had a pony, too.

  165. 165
    HRA says:

    The craziness has been going on for too many years now. It’s best to not join in it from either side.

    After going through all the years of shopping, wrapping, etc., I valued my upbring in a Greek Orthodox faith more and more every year.

  166. 166
    El Cid says:

    @Nutella: I think somebody ort to have asked what Jesus had against Christmas.

  167. 167
    kay says:

    @inkadu:

    Oh, no. It’s true.

    I can speak with some authority on this because I live in a heavily conservative Christian area, and the merchandize aspect of modern fundamentalism has gotten my attention for a while.

    They are completely comfortable with merchandizing Jesus.

    We have a Jesus megastore, about 40 miles from here.

    It’s ostensibly a “book store” but it’s brimming with crap.

    Coffee cups, t-shirts, greeting cards, Bible board games, plaques, oven mitts, plates, both decorative and for everyday, umbrellas, children’s clothing. It’s amazing.

  168. 168
    kay says:

    @inkadu:

    Sheet music, CD’s, planners, computer games and programs, a whole section devoted to home schooling products, homeschooling products and programs alone must be megabucks by now.

    This brand of Christianity is profitable.

  169. 169
    Steph says:

    I want to hear Merry Christmas from December 24th through, oh, January 5th or so.

    The baby Jesus has nothing to do with my buying detergent at Walmart, so I’d rather they keep Him out of it.

    So. Dumb. All the bitching about how Christmas is so commercial, and then bitching about how no one forces Jesus into every monetary transaction.

    These people should STFU and send their money to Haiti, where people have actual problems.

    ETA Hey! Cool edit feature!

  170. 170
    dr. bloor says:

    From the poll results, it looks like I’m in good shape if I do all my holiday shopping at Bass Pro Shops this year.

  171. 171
    Midwest Meg says:

    I’m with Dan at #5: Stop fucking shopping and go to church. Good music. Lots of Scripture. Community. Maybe even Jesus on the wrapping paper, although I think you have to go to a megachurch where they have Christian book stores and gift shops in the lobby and you can shop between services.

    What a bunch of lunatics. I feel sorry for the folks at the Gap store or anyone else who get stuck with these nutjobs trying to play Christmas “gotcha.”

  172. 172
    Cerberus says:

    @kay:

    Oh god yes. For Rapturist Christians, anything not Christian approved is banned. One must only consume media made in the subculture or you risk being poisoned by the gay demon of knowledge of the outside world. And anything that declares itself in the know of the subcommunity is automatically good and holy while everything outside is suspect to evil.

    This also works vis a vis scam artists. It’s the greatest marks for scam artists because as long as you learn the lingo and become one of them, then you can get them to send you enough money to put you on easy street. It’s gotten so bad that pretty much every single one of their leaders these days is a scam artist using them to essentially retire. Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, the 700 club, Rick Warren, Amway, Thomas Kincaide, the various Focus on the Family, NOM, etc…

    Pretty much, if you’re willing to sell out your soul and learn the lingo, that’s the only get-rich scheme one needs.

  173. 173
    PurpleGirl says:

    Instead of watching The Lord of The Rings I should take my shopping cart and go get a Christmas tree… whatever… a pine tree that I can decorate and sit in the dark and look at the pretty pink and blue lights. I like the season and the decorations and making the time special and sacred and different from profane time. (Anybody else out there read and been influenced by Mircea Eliade?)

  174. 174
    maus says:

    Never saw anything from Best Buy wishing customers a Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas.

    It’s called “selection bias” you stupid fuck. Not that I really care if I’m wished a Merry Xmas or not. OH GOD I SAID XMAS NOT CHRISTMAS EVEN THOUGH IT MEANS THE SAME THING.

  175. 175
    timb says:

    @AngusTheGodOfMeat: Well, their xenophobic hatred of brown people sure helped push 40 million Hispanics toward our side (Until liberal policies enable enough Hispanics to become rich and switch parties)

  176. 176
    Tara the antisocial social worker says:

    The money-changers aren’t paying enough attention to the temple, durnit!

    (For probably not the last time: if you’re looking for a deep spiritual experience around the birth of Christ, you probably shouldn’t be looking at Wal-Mart!)

  177. 177
    Tara the antisocial social worker says:

    And is there any way we can convince store managers tht the War on Christmas has been won and it is now forbidden to play the SAME FRAKKIN’ TEN SONGS from Halloween on? (And that evil, sociopathic Christmas Shoes song is immediate grounds for damnation.)

  178. 178
    inkadu says:

    Closing thoughts: Jesus not only threw the money-changers out of the temple, he famously said, “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s,” meaning that their is a difference between the spiritual life and the material life — something lost on these Christians as Kay mentioned.

    Prayer in a closet, also.

    Since this Glenn “Huckster” Beck post, I’ve been listening more carefully to my Christian radio station, at a distressingly high-value frequency on my FM dial. Sure enough, not a single radio show goes by without mention of life-changing works by the speaker available now through our Jesusy operators. I always thought Christian radio was so abundant was popular because there are so many stupid Christians. Not true. The reason Christian radio is abundant is because there a few very stupid Christians who are willing to send them money for overpriced rewarmed 19th century self-help books.

    BTW – When did thanksgiving become a Christian holiday? It’s a local tradition, not a religious holiday.

  179. 179
    Nellcote says:

    BARNES & NOBLE
    Comment Date: Nov 27 2009 5:05 PM
    Rating: Christmas-Offensive
    Comment: If there was no Christmas, then there would be no need to shop and spend all kinds of money in there store!!!!! Christmas is the reason people are shopping and spending money.

    Well, yeah, because you wouldn’t want to buy a book any other time of the year.

  180. 180

    @clussman:

    But it’s a pagan fucking holiday with a pagan fucking tree that celebrates consumer electronics and fun. That’s me. That is a holiday made specifically for me.

    This is so full of win it hurts.

  181. 181
    Leelee for Obama says:

    So, here we are again, fighting the War on Christmas. I have become a pacifist in this conflict-I am making any gifts I give, and giving small monetary presents. I am hoping to avoid all stores, unless they sell food and an iron-which I need. Guess it’s Wallyworld, at least once. Then, I’ll stick with Publix.

    Be still my Heart, I have edit!!! Thanks, IT guy who fixes edit function!!!!

    See, I am in the Spirit of the Season, and I don’t have to wish anyone outside of friends and family a Merry or a Happy anything.

    Fix’d

  182. 182
    ppcli says:

    @Tara the antisocial social worker:

    “And is there any way we can convince store managers tht the War on Christmas has been won and it is now forbidden to play the SAME FRAKKIN’ TEN SONGS from Halloween on? (And that evil, sociopathic Christmas Shoes song is immediate grounds for damnation.)”

    @Citizen_X:
    “JIngle Bells? They’re complaining about fucking Jingle Bells?”

    Well, at least they’ve got that much to say in their favour. I hate that damn song almost as much as “Jingle Bell Rock”. If I owned a Bass Pro Shops I would never play those tunes on the speakers. I’m thinking more along the lines of Motorhead’s “No Voices in the Sky”. Has the right war on Christmas spirit.

  183. 183
    inkadu says:

    @Cerberus: I think what we are developing in this country is “Orthodox” christianity. There already is an orthodox christianity, I know, but I mean in the sense of closing yourself off from the rest of society — like orthodox jews, or menonites, or any other asshole sect.

  184. 184
    rob! says:

    I love it! Eventually these d-bags will be stuck shopping only at Wal-Mart, and we can then spray those areas with some sort of chemical (made by Godless scientists) that will keep these knuggle-draggers from procreating.

  185. 185

    @Cerberus:

    I think it’s just fundies don’t like anyone who exists because of the possibility they might think something different than the fundie.

    Sounds downright Puritan – the gnawing suspicion that someplace, somewhere, someone is having fun.

    It’s gotta be in the hardware, when the software gets that flaked the other processes begin to fail.

  186. 186
  187. 187
    El Cid says:

    I was in the U.S. post office the other day, and they were playing songs about CHRIST THE LORD and yet I didn’t hear any fundamentalists thanking GOD JESUS ALMIGHTY for the postal employees playing their sectarian music to customers who might have been of any religious or non-religious background.

  188. 188
    inkadu says:

    Oh, no!

    I registered at the site, but they have a closed list of retailers. No giving Hot Topic a high rating for having christian-themed dildos and edible panties.

  189. 189
    inkadu says:

    @El Cid: And you can even buy postage stamps with the baby jesus sucking tit.

  190. 190
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @ppcli:

    Well, at least they’ve got that much to say in their favour. I hate that damn song almost as much as “Jingle Bell Rock”. If I owned a Bass Pro Shops I would never play those tunes on the speakers.

    Wha? You hate “Jingle Bell Rock”? How can you hate a song with Jesus Christ himself sounding oh-so-smooth on the vocals? There are a lot of terrible Christmas songs, but “Jingle Bell Rock” cannot be on that list. On this, I must disagree.

  191. 191
    licensed to kill time says:

    @inkadu:

    And you can even buy postage stamps with the baby jesus sucking tit.

    OMG! Won’t someone think of the children?!

  192. 192
    bago says:

    @inkadu: Christian edible panties. I think that idea has legs. “Eat this in rememberance of me” leading to a divine experience.

  193. 193
    eric says:

    Acutally, pay REALLLLLLL close attention to the Bass Pro Shops TV ads. I have marvelled at them for some time. First, listen and you will hear them offer a very traditional christmas. But. LOOK closely…..ALWAYS use multi-ethnic advertising. Very clever. Bill Hicks would be proud. In truth, I am impressed with it.

    eric

  194. 194
    Martin says:

    @inkadu:

    When Jesus killed all the Indians with his M-60. They hunted his beloved dinosaur to extinction, and Jesus. went. postal.

    Jesus called on us to have T-Rex as the traditional Thanksgiving meal, but with them all gone, turkey was the next best choice.

    Learn your history – or are you one of those people that read the liberal Bible and went to liberal public school? Real history is learned in the home.

  195. 195
    ronspri says:

    @Kevin:

    The parallel universe thing is on Kevin. I often find myself wondering what reality they actually see. I am quite confounded by the fact that hypocrisy seems to not be a part of anything they consider or even understand. Unless someone else does it, and often not even then.

    Politically correct speech for example

  196. 196
    inkadu says:

    @bago: “And if you do it during your girlfriend’s period, it counts as full communion.

    EAT THIS! in remembrance of me. “

  197. 197
    inkadu says:

    @Martin: The dinosaurs went extinct during Noah’s flood.

    Such ignorance!

    Except for a few mini-T-rex’s bred on Moab son of Noah’s Dinosaur Petting Zoo and Goat Sacrifice Emporium, which survived long enough for Jesus to ride into Jersusalem.

  198. 198
  199. 199
    kay says:

    @Cerberus:

    In the course of my work I sometimes look at the educational materials that are offered by Christian homeschooling companies, because homeschooling sometimes becomes an issue in truancy proceedings.

    I’m not a teacher, and I’m not measuring quality. I’m just looking if a curriculum exists in the home, to satisfy the statute, which is a LOW bar. “Curriculum” means “anything that looks remotely like a plan”.

    A lot of them are really garbage. Just fill in the blank worksheets, and cheap textbooks with out of context excerpts from source materials. They’re not cheap either. You buy a whole package with “support”. I have no idea who the support person is on the other end.

    It’s basically a scam, in my humble opinion. They can get the better quality public school materials free, from the district, and then add the religion aspect themselves. I don’t know why they don’t do that.

  200. 200
  201. 201
    Silver Owl says:

    The christian god does not deserve to be surrounded with such selfish childish assholes for all eternity, but the right’s religious leaders have deemed him fair game for torture. lol

  202. 202
    Leelee for Obama says:

    @inkadu: As we used to say in High School:”This party’s getting dirty, I should put my clothes on, and go home.”

  203. 203
    inkadu says:

    @kay:

    They can get the better quality public school materials free, from the district, and then add the religion aspect themselves. I don’t know why they don’t do that.

    See Supreme Court Case Shit v. Shinola.

    They home school because they are afraid of homosexuality and evolution; they don’t care about education and obviously can’t recognize it when they see it.

    Are you in corrections or child protective services?

  204. 204
    LanceThruster says:

    The War on Christmas will ultimately decide the fate of mankind. As an atheist, I realize I should probably thank all retail establishments anytime they decline to mix in some sort of sectarian message with their commercialism, whether celebrating the birth of a sacrificial lamb, or the somewhat less offensive (other than mandatory observance) rituals built around Annual Gift-Giving Man (Santa, Saint Nick, Kris Kringel, and all the other aliases). Do the xians bitch and moan about not mentioning Easter (let alone mentioning it in terms of bunnies and eggs and not Zombie Jebus) on the rest of their endless succession of holidays and feast days?

    I joined in their celebration of genocide with Columbus Day and Thanksgiving in order to blend in, but almost blow my cover whenever I sneeze and am offered some superstious incantation as a supposed palliative.

    “I want to be invisible. I do guerrilla warfare. I paint my face and travel at night. You don’t know it’s over until you’re in a body bag.”

    Damn straight, Run, run Rudolf!

    Even though large parts of Ameica and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Christmas menace and all the odious apparatus of Xian rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in the malls, we shall fight on the school playgrounds and work lunchrooms, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the arena of ideas, we shall defend our Island of Sanity, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the internet, we shall fight on the parking lots, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and if, which I do not for a moment believe, this community of rationalists or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our freethinkers beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the logic, reason, and scientific method, would carry on the struggle, until, in Mankind’s good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the Old.

    So help us Darwin.

  205. 205
    kay says:

    @inkadu:

    I represent juveniles. That’s where I run into truancy.

    I’m also appointed as a guardian in abuse proceedings.

    It’s all in juvenile court in the rural three county area where I practice, and it’s the same section of the code, with the same rules.

  206. 206
    Martin says:

    @kay:

    You should try dealing with it from the standpoint of college admissions, where the content really does matter.

    They don’t get the materials from the district because they are full of liberal lies and distortions. Why feed the machine?

  207. 207
    kay says:

    @Martin:

    The first thing the judge asks me is “how many credits toward graduation?”. They need 21.
    I say, “oh, it’s hard to determine….”
    It’s become so politically charged I stick like glue to the statute. The parents get offended real easy.

  208. 208
    inkadu says:

    @kay: Ah. Truancy. So the state says this kid hasn’t been going to school, and the parent says, no, here’s a coloring book with Jesus riding a dinosaur… wow. I do not envy you your job.

    Still better than social services or corrections, though.

  209. 209
    Liberty60 says:

    I read- with distress- Rod Dreher jump on the “war on Christmas” bandwagon this morning.

    One of the more insightful replies was from poster “Eamus Catuli”:

    most grand old “traditions” that conservatives are so fretfully protective of — the things they take as representing essential truths, “the way it’s always been,” the wisdom of the ages, etc. — are usually practices less than a hundred years old, i.e. those whose origins are just far enough beyond the horizon of living memory to qualify as lost in the mists of time. When the right complains that we’re losing touch with what’s most essential and that civilization is about to collapse, what they usually mean is that we’re getting away from doing things the way our grandparents did, which in turn were departures from what their grandparents had done, because cultures are ALWAYS changing and evolving

    Here is my take on it-
    It is funny to me how the consumer culture has absorbed and overrun religious celebrations.
    Christmas, Easter, and All Souls Day have been enshrined as secular holidays, celebrated with ever more garish and absurd orgies of consumer spending.
    Yet arguably the most sacred event of the Christian calendar is ignored, completely absent from any sort of observance or consumerism.
    I mean of course, Good Friday.
    The consumer culture that demands that Best Buy shout about the Risen Lord, cannot comprehend Good Friday. A day revolving around the cruel torture and death of a man is hard to work into a glossy shopping circular, and its hard for Sears to hold a Crucifixion Day 12 hour Shopping Spectacular on hammers and nails.

    If that seems a bit insensitive to Christians, even sacriligious, all to the good.

    One might ask- in fact, people often ask- if the real blasphemy is not that Best Buy refuses to link the Baby Jesus to its sale on 54 inch plasma TVs, but that we do.

  210. 210
    kay says:

    @inkadu:

    They’re in there on something else and truancy comes up. Truancy itself isn’t pursued anymore.
    My state legislature re-wrote the statute basically to the specifications of home schoolers. It was a huge issue among Christian conservatives.
    The problem is, just regular slack parents rely on that low bar, as do people who dabble in religious conversion, and then want to re-enroll the kid in the public school.

  211. 211
    master c says:

    Love seeing this focus on the family site. Interesting break downs-
    Where is Neiman Marcus? too Jew from the get-go? I like the stop shopping and go to church comment. But not Joel Osteen’s church.

  212. 212
    WereBear says:

    I think one of the reasons the wingnuts cling so to that idealized ’50’s nostalgia is that they always wanted to grow up in one of those families; and they don’t want to think that it was all an illusion to begin with. They still want it.

    Since I love irony, I can only laugh at the fact that these whipped cream & tinsel dreams were the products of a lot of Jews and secularists.

    I discovered a while back that most of those homespun homilies Andy Griffith dispensed in Mayberry were a product of the writers who hailed from the tenements of Brooklyn, and translated what their grandmothers told them in Yiddish.

    No wonder they have a problem with reality.

  213. 213
    Ruckus says:

    @clussman:
    But it’s a pagan fucking holiday with a pagan fucking tree that celebrates consumer electronics and fun. That’s me. That is a holiday made specifically for me. So Merry fucking Christmas and God (of your choice) Bless Us Every One.
    Nice.
    Mine used to be “Bah Fucking Humbug” but I like yours because it’s more specific.

    @low-tech cyclist:
    I dunno, what do judgmental, self-righteous pricks and assholes have to do with Jesus?

    Nothing, of course. Too bad this universe doesn’t contain a clue-by-four big enough to beat that idea into their heads.
    A new label is born “Clue-By-Four”
    3 little words, says it all.

  214. 214
    Martin says:

    @kay:

    You should (effectively) try telling a parent who has personally invested 12 years of their lives in pushing creationism, climate change denialism, young-earth theories, etc. that they won’t get admitted to a public university because, well, everything they told their kid is bullshit.

    Any thoughts on the recent ruling in CA that homeschool parents need to hold a teaching credential in order to comply with the state truancy laws? There was a pretty good collective freakout about that in my area. I couldn’t help but pile on, however…

  215. 215
    Ruckus says:

    @clussman:
    But it’s a pagan fucking holiday with a pagan fucking tree that celebrates consumer electronics and fun. That’s me. That is a holiday made specifically for me. So Merry fucking Christmas and God (of your choice) Bless Us Every One.

    Mine used to be “Bah Fucking Humbug” but I like yours better as it more direct.

    @low-tech cyclist:
    I dunno, what do judgmental, self-righteous pricks and assholes have to do with Jesus?

    Nothing, of course. Too bad this universe doesn’t contain a clue-by-four big enough to beat that idea into their heads.

    And a new label should be born “Clue-By-Four”.
    Does this come before or after Punch them in the Neck?

    Well I’ll be damned. Edit for me. Also. A Christmas miracle.

  216. 216
    Martin says:

    @bago:

    Does it have a little pouch for the cracker?

  217. 217
    MikeJ says:

    This is the time of year when I buy 20 or 30 bags of gelt (I prefer the dark chocolate) and pass them out to clerks who don’t act like assholes. $10/$15 dollars helps lift the spirits of 20-30 overworked people and increase the chance they’ll say happy holidays instead of merry xmas.

    Happy Chaka Khan to everyone! Join the war on Christmas on the side that’s going to win.

  218. 218

    […] Mister C asks of the Jesus retail store ratings: […]

  219. 219
    Mike says:

    This is only sorta related, but…did Tim “I love Jesus” Tebow apologize to the L almighty yesterday when Alabama kicked his gator ass? I know he’s quick to thank Lordsy for all that is good, but now that Florida will be playing in the Lesser-bowl, I just wondered if he snarked his maker, or, like so many other Christ-like-wanna-be athletes, he stayed mum on the matter.

  220. 220
    kay says:

    @Martin:

    I’m torn on the whole issue. I lean libertarian on state interference in child-rearing, because I’ve seen the damage that can do.
    On the other hand, as a practical matter, in Ohio anyway, a lot of people are relying on “home schooled” as an answer to “he missed 17 days last quarter”.
    The truth is, they’re avoiding sending the kid to school because they’re essentially dodging one or another problem, and, as you know, kids who are in public school do get that. They get regular testing and intervention. They’re tracked. I worry about the isolation. I think a lot of sets of eyes are a good thing.
    I hated school, but I stuck it out, and I think I benefitted from that. I had some incredible teachers, just people who were incredibly tenacious, and I was a huge pain in the ass.
    My state statute is ridiculous. Parents file notice, and they hire a fellow-Christian teacher to write a one sentence “review” that tracks the statutory requirement. “Regular progress”.
    I also have a certain civic fondness for the idea of a common education, just the bare bones. I’m not expecting lock-step curriculum. I think that holds us together.

  221. 221
    Steeplejack says:

    @Midnight Marauder:

    Let’s get this into proper Hoekstroika form: “My manager at the Gap wouldn’t let me say ‘Merry Christmas,’ so now I know how the Christians felt when the Romans threw them to the lions.”

  222. 222
    slightly_peeved says:

    The manager was very polite,but didn’t know anything about their Christmas policy.

    If I was running a hardware store, I would love to say: “Well, we’re running a special on nails and lumber…”

    which is probably why I don’t work in customer service.

  223. 223
    Leelee for Obama says:

    @kay: I wasn’t that upset about the number of homes choolers down here in FL until I took a stamping class at the home of a dedicated home schooler. She is a really nice person and her kids are lovely, but the poster in the classroom where we were just knocked me over. It states that after the Pledge of Allegiance, they pledge allegiance to the Christian Flag. Grabbed my stuff,and my MOM, and beat feet. I was really creeped out.

  224. 224
    Ken in MS says:

    So Jesus died so that you can buy a sweater? Who knew??? I’ll have to re-read that Bible verse.

  225. 225
    Steeplejack says:

    @Cerberus:

    So the real “negative” response would likely involve the shitty pay, constantly shifting hours, shitty customers who whine about the reason for the season, unflattering uniforms, evil petty bosses, random “downsizing,” the existence of nametags, and being required to say anything to the middle class spawns of Satan they are forced to penitently serve and grovel before long before they even gave a gnat’s thought to the loss of Christmas.
    __
    And that’s before we get into the fact that retail workers hate Christmas. By the time Christmas arrives, they usually have spent 8 hours of every day being surrounded by the most crass commercialist decorations, non-stop “easy-listening” Christmas carols on a 4 song loop, forced cheer, and a deluge of the customers from Hell.

    I work in retail, and, yeah, this pretty much gets it. Add to that the fact that if I’m ringing you up I am thinking about the five impatient people in line behind you and don’t really have time to accurately profile you and decide which holiday greeting would be ethnically/religiously/socially appropriate to your particular station in life. “Happy holidays” covers everything. But, in light of the war on Christmas, I have dropped back to the all-year staple, “Have a good afternoon/evening/whatever.”

    Oh, and if that offends you, by all means fuck off and shop someplace else. Since I get no bonus, commission or compensation beyond my meager hourly wage, it just means one less irritating, self-important asshole to deal with. Win-win for both of us!

  226. 226
    kay says:

    @Leelee for Obama:

    I think it’s a real problem when it’s used to essentially “evade review”

    You know what I mean? One thing about public high school, teachers follow you around and talk about you a lot. I was a delinquent, a “chronic truant” under the old rules, and the fact is I needed review.

    My whole goal was to evade review. I read a lot. I guess I could have submitted that as “credit”, but really, how helpful is that me when I realize I might need some training to get a job that pays more than minimum wage? My sort of fanciful invented curriculum wasn’t recognized.

    Not to mention that “showing up” is crucial in real life.

  227. 227
    Steeplejack says:

    @Cerberus:

    I was wondering what I said to make my reply to your comment go into moderation. Then I saw it: you wrote the word “commercia1ist,” which contains the dreaded “cia1is.”

  228. 228
    Cassidy says:

    I don’t understand the Tebow hate? He’s one of the few high profile Christians who actually put’s his money where his mouth is and tries to be nice and help people. Ihave yet to see him say anything worthy of the assumptions made about him.

  229. 229
    Ruckus says:

    @Ruckus:
    OK. See with the return of edit I deleted the second posting which was due to my shamefully crappy typing skills, but I see that it’s back anyway. HDTH?

    The second one is the best of the two though.

  230. 230
    Leelee for Obama says:

    @kay: Well, I see what you’re saying, but this girl has a multi-family round-robin kind of set-up with a real science teacher and art and music, so they could be reviewed, no problem. Of course, that is probably a rare thing. I can’t stand that these kids are so isolated from the rest of their community. Not that the schools here are anything to cheer about, but my GrandDaughters are socially comfortable and know how to be in the world without letting bad influences get to them. My Daughter is on top of that, anyway.

    The kids you’re dealing with that are dissing the system and not learning anything are a huge issue. I have to say that while I understand your libertarian leaning-these kids would be better off if the state did force them to learn something, for the sake of their future, and the rest of the community.

    The problem I have with the Christianists that home school is that their kids have no exposure to the real world in far too many cases.. It’s the parents fear of contamination, but it’s damaging their children, and it hurts the society at large, because it perpetuates the “War on Christmas” victimization mentality.

  231. 231

    […] go looking for a fight in a spirit of love and […]

  232. 232
    J. David Clarke says:

    This is my favorite season, when two of pop culture’s greatest fictional characters, God and Santa, come together in a glorious celebration of rudeness, intolerance, and consumerism!

  233. 233
    Jon Marcus says:

    Best post title EVAH!

  234. 234

    I’m thinking we need to hunt down Santa and shoot him like the dog that he is, he’s the reason we don’t have mangers all over the place by Thanksgiving.

    His beard kinda looks Muslim too.

    Wow, fancy editor.

  235. 235
    Brian J says:

    This is too stupid for words to describe.

  236. 236
    Cain says:

    @MBSS:

    i’m going to start celebrating Cthulhu Day to piss off christians.
    i’ll walk around with a octopus on my head uttering: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

    Which reminds me of this dysfunctional family circus cartoon You need to read the caption “”Ia! Shub-Niggurath! Black goat of the woods with a thousand young!”

    BTW the site is very addicting for us old time snarkers.

    cain

  237. 237
    Cerberus says:

    @Steeplejack:

    Ah, sneaky sneaky bnr pll.

    But yeah, what you said.

    For the people on the ground, having a customer from hell “withdraw their services” is like handing them a nicely wrapped Christmas present. The only thing stopping them from encouraging the loss of customers is that they can’t be seen by the micromanaging “associate manager” to be actively deviating from protocols. So yeah, if they follow the protocols and get you to leave because of said protocols, that’s the cherry on their sundae and will be the thing that sustains them for the next hour or so of the Christmas rush.

    Also, they will be mocking you and your appearance in the back room in the daily “who got the worst customer” contest.

    Yes, I’ve been there (though admittedly I got the baby version, my partner had to do one of the big box stores in the mall, in the “rich” suburbs, talk about hell).

  238. 238

    […] our faith, or our rank in the War on Christmas, I think all people of good will can agree that the very best and most beautiful thing about the […]

  239. 239
    jibeaux says:

    WHAT DOES THE GAP HAVE TO DO WITH JESUS? Oh, heavens, they make my head hurt so….

  240. 240
    a not easily offended Christian says:

    This is all hilarious & pretty sad, too. So- Christians who are offended by the lack of a “Merry Chrismas” greeting or being serenaded by Silent Night while they are out shopping need to check themselves. Stores are not churches-why would they try to be? Why would we expect THEM to tell the story of Jesus’ birth (who someone pointed out correctly, is not on Dec 25th). Really, if someone is so extremely concerned with the true meaning of Christmas (to the point of being offended by things such as this) s/he wouldn’t be out shopping at the Gap, rather, s/he would be out volunteering at a soup kitchen or giving to their community in some way. That seems to be much more in the spirit of Christmas & says way more than saying “Merry Christmas” or using Baby Jesus wrapping paper (seriously?).

  241. 241
    Little Dreamer says:

    @rob!:

    Have you considered how much like the Holocaust your idea is? Just wondering.

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