Feel the Thunementum

In for a Broder, in for a Brooks. Am I alone in thinking that “prairie background” sounds like a euphemism? And why do so many profiles of Republican presidential candidates read like soft-core gay male pornography (not that there’s anything wrong with that)?

As you may or may not know, Thune is the junior senator from South Dakota, the man who beat Tom Daschle in an epic campaign five years ago. The first thing everybody knows about him is that he is tall (6 feet 4 inches), tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way) and handsome (John McCain jokes that if he had Thune’s face he’d be president right now). If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.

[….]

He says his prairie background has given him a preference for small companies and local government.

162 replies
  1. 1
    MBSS says:

    The first thing everybody knows about him is that he is tall (6 feet 4 inches), tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way) and handsome

    is brooks doing politics or a bodice busting romance novel or both?

  2. 2

    tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way)

    Oh for pete’s sake. Right, Thune spends his days on the damn prairie working in the weather. I do, but I’m not damned Senator and work for a hell of a lot less money.

    What a twit.

  3. 3

    @MBSS:

    bodice busting romance novel or both?

    Sounds like it ain’t a banana in his pocket…

  4. 4
    MBSS says:

    @Chuck Butcher:

    ahhh, republican desperation for a legit candidate…not only women can smell it.

  5. 5
    JenJen says:

    If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.

    I just re-read that paragraph a few times, and I’m still trying to wonder why he felt the need to write that. I mean, what?

  6. 6
    MBSS says:

    @JenJen:

    jenjen, don’t deny that thune is the political fabio. and what i mean by that is hopefully a goose will fly in his face while on a rollercoaster.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7w4dpxgSWA

  7. 7
    dSquib says:

    If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.

    Absolutely. Throughout the election I found myself thinking “I love this McCain guy’s policies, if only he had the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama”.

  8. 8
    JGabriel says:

    He says his prairie background has given him a preference for small companies and local government.

    His favorite authors are Ayn Rand and Bill Kristol, he likes long walks on the beach, getting caught in the rain, and pina coladas, and rough hands. To e-mail this member, join Gaydate.com for only $29.95 per month or $69.99 for three months.

    .

  9. 9
    Mark S. says:

    If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as different skin color than Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.

    I think that’s what he meant.

  10. 10
    Beauzeaux says:

    Poor Brooks. His words will never topple this legendary bit of Republican hero worship: “Can you smell the English leather on this guy, the Aqua Velva, the sort of mature man’s shaving cream, or whatever, you know, after he shaved? Do you smell that sort of — a little bit of cigar smoke? You know, whatever.”

  11. 11
    MBSS says:

    @JGabriel:

    you had me at rough hands.

  12. 12
    Roger Moore says:

    tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way)

    As opposed to the terrible, darkie dark, negro sort of tan sported by the President. Nope, no racist dogwhistles here. Absolutely none of any kind.

  13. 13
    Lev says:

    He says his prairie background has given him a preference for small companies and local government.

    Is this bullshit going to go unchallenged? EVERY FUCKING CREDIT CARD COMPANY IS BASED OUT OF SOUTH DAKOTA! Plus, it’s a damn farm state, which means Big Ag has a presence too.

    I realize that Brooksy is trying to paint a picture for us–the same picture that Republicans have been painting since, well, Abe Lincoln–of small towns where people are just nicer, you know, and there’s silly Mr. Peabody’s General Store and the Five and Dime and the old watering hole. Luckily, the closest most MSM types get to a red state is Bethesda fucking Maryland, and so they swallow this malarkey whole.

    I’ve not been to South Dakota in particular, but my guess is that South Dakota mostly looks like the rest of the country. But Mr. Applebee’s salad bar is perfectly willing to paint the picture he’s given the outline and numbers for. My God, aside from Armond White and Bill Kristol, Brooks might be the worst weekly columnist in the country.

    /rant

  14. 14

    Every gaydar on the planet just blew a fuse.

  15. 15
    Ailuridae says:

    I love writing like this. He’s “not a radical” he’s just a fundamentalist who believes in the inerrancy of the Bible and was educated at a place which constantly litmus tested the fundamentalist bonafides of its faculty in writing with deviations meaning loss of jobs. FFS, how is that not radical. What does radical even mean if not that? FFS, Biola was Liberty before Falwell figured out how to raise the money to create Liberty.

  16. 16
    Keith G says:

    He says his prairie background has given him a preference for small companies and local government.

    His prairie background has seemingly also given him a woody for a big fucking Air Force base that is the second largest employer in the state providing about 10% of the state’s revenue. Oh, and there is Citibank’s National Banking Center – a real small family friendly company there.

    Senator Thune, you Lie.

  17. 17
    Ailuridae says:

    @Lev:

    This. South Dakota is the “bottom” in the “race to the bottom” where US consumers get jacked by the credit card industry.

  18. 18
    Brachiator says:

    The first thing everybody knows about him is that he is tall (6 feet 4 inches), tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way) and handsome (John McCain jokes that if he had Thune’s face he’d be president right now).

    Since this is Brooks doing the writing, I can’t come to a decision about Thune until I know what restaurants he frequents.

  19. 19
    Corner Stone says:

    @MBSS:

    you had me at rough hands.

    God. Me too.

  20. 20
    Corner Stone says:

    @Ailuridae: This just reeks of dirty.

  21. 21
    MBSS says:

    excerpt from brooks’ new book they hate our freedom:

    there i was, mingling with the common rabble at the applebees salad bar when he walked in. suddenly there was an eerie silence as he strode confidently and reagan-ly through the door. tall, lean, swarthy, sweaty, and as real and rough as the town from which he emerged.

    he moved like a panther in blue jeans, stalking his prey. he came straight up to me, put a rough hand on my lapel, looked me in the eye, and said:

    “hello david brooks. i see you have the ability to grasp the salad bar bacon bits and grip them, viscerally and unflinchingly, through complexity and confusion.”

    i still have the bump on my head from fainting and hitting the soiled and stained linoleum as hard as a bomb hits the middle east.

  22. 22
    MBSS says:

    @MBSS:

    blockquote fail irony.

  23. 23
    asiangrrlMN says:

    Broder, Brooks, aren’t they the same guy?

    As for the writing, seriously, I could write a better bodice-ripper than that, and romance is not my genre by any means.

    @dSquib: You got it in one.

    Absolutely. Throughout the election I found myself thinking “I love this McCain guy’s policies, if only he had the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama”.

    I know that the only reason I voted for Obama was because of his athletic grace and his general body type.

  24. 24
    The Main Gauche of Mild Reason says:

    Good god, is the entire GOP establishment nothing but latent gay men?

    Anyone remember how the republicans were swooning over Fred Thompson’s gravelly voice and manly aftershave? We all know how well THAT turned out. Thune 2012!

  25. 25
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    Oh, my, god. what the F is wrong with these people. The biggest question is: “Why now?” first CNN (the story was bad enough – the damned video story was a kiss on the cheek from a “major” news organization), now Brooks, who else is jumping on the Thune train? Again, Why Now?

  26. 26
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Corner Stone:

    did you see my comment yesterday about the Canon Vixia series? Good HD video, and much cheaper than the Sony.

  27. 27
    The Republic of Stupidity says:

    I have to say… the use of the word “chap/s” was a dead giveaway…

    Also, apart from Tweety’s rapturous ode to Fred Thompson’s enchanting, musky scent, don’t forget his comment about Mitt’s ‘shoulders to die for’ either…

  28. 28
    The Republic of Stupidity says:

    Good god, is the entire GOP establishment nothing but latent gay men?

    In two words?

    Apparently so…

  29. 29
    gizmo says:

    Brooks makes a living by celebrating folksy American myths and connecting them to the GOP. He is doing his best to put into words what Norman Rockwell painted. The difference is that Rockwell worked at a time when there was something that still resembled an authentic American culture, whereas the portraits that Brooks likes to paint are hollow and empty.

    I grew up on the prairie, and can report that the plucky independent farmer and the Grange Halls and the fucking Marlboro man are all dead and gone. Mostly what’s left is a lot of federally financed highways, with vast stretches of agri-business activity dominating the landscape. Every 20 miles or so there is a struggling community with a pathetic downtown and a bunch of corporate big box stores at the freeway exit selling cheap plastic stuff manufactured in third world countries.

    Occasionally you’ll find an Indian tribe with a big casino gambling operation, doing their best to extract some revenge from the White Man. Economic development has been reduced to the business of erecting a cast cement version of the “World’s Largest Heifer” or something.

    Thune is a phony asshole.

  30. 30
    The Republic of Stupidity says:

    I know that the only reason I voted for Obama was because of his athletic grace and his general body type.

    And somewhere, in his Fortress of Solitude, El Rushbo is reading this and thinking, “Aw man… did I ever sign up to judge the wrong beauty pageant, or what?”

  31. 31
    Comrade Luke says:

    Seems fairly obvious that the establishment is casting around for a conservative to rally behind. So to speak.

    Cantor was the bee’s knees there for a while too. They’re just desperate to have another horse race.

  32. 32
    JGabriel says:

    @asiangrrlMN:

    Broder, Brooks, aren’t they the same guy?

    I propose that hereafter they shall always be referred to in tandem as Oder & Ooks.

    .

  33. 33
    MBSS says:

    @JGabriel:

    brooks brothers?

  34. 34
    cdmarine says:

    Whoops. If this is true, this is major: http://bit.ly/inmvV (Daily Kos diary)

    Congress royally f’ed up the unemployment extension in such a way as to make it impossible to be eligible for the extra 6-week extension for high unemployment states.

    Short version:
    First part of the extension (14 weeks) starts Sunday. You can’t apply for the second part (the 6 week one) until you’ve exhausted the first part (the 14 week one). Deadline for applying for the second part: 12/31/09… less than 7 weeks from now. They never adjusted the deadline to account for the delay in passing the bill.

    This needs fixing… fast.

  35. 35
    Allan says:

    I think we now know which prominent Republican stroked little Davy’s thigh.

  36. 36
    Linkmeister says:

    @Lev: I have been to South Dakota. If you’re driving west, you start seeing billboards for Wall Drugat the state border with Iowa and possibly even before.

    I went through boot camp with a guy from Rapid City; he was very glad to be gone. Other than the Badlands, the Black Hills and Mt. Rushmore, there’s not much there there, to paraphrase Gertrude Stein.

  37. 37

    We need a new term in the lexicon for “journalistic” stenographer fellatio. How about a contest?

  38. 38
    JackieBinAZ says:

    Speaking of beefcake, here’s one of the candidates in the Republican primary for Kennedy’s seat. Seriously. What’s really creepy is that he was submitted for this honor by his sister.

  39. 39
    The Original Francis says:

    ftr, the population of south dakota is 800k. That’s 8 rose bowls, or less than 10% of the population of LA County, which is over 9,000K. I’m sure he’s got a real handle on the issues facing actual americans as opposed to Marlboro ads.

    One big problem with the Republican party is that the leaders want to represent land, not people.

  40. 40
    Ailuridae says:

    @cdmarine:

    Without reading the final bill signed into law I can guarantee you that the initial article’s source with the California Government is mistaken and that the law is written to provide the maximum allowable benefits to those eligible.

    Doesn’t anyone remember the commotion after the unemployment benefits increase and food stamps increase cancelling each other out earlier this year? Turns out that isn’t what happened at all but that the increased income from unemployment some places decreased the amount of food stamp eligibility but everyone who was affected had more unemployment income plus food stamps than they would have had in any situation where nothing was passed or one of the other increases were passed.

    Also, GOS diarists and BJ commenters should realize that the OC Register is basically the West Coast Avengers version of the Moonie Times.

  41. 41
    JGabriel says:

    @freelancer (itouch):

    We need a new term in the lexicon for “journalistic” stenographer fellatio. How about a contest?

    Freep Throat.

    .

  42. 42
    Xenos says:

    @JGabriel:

    Freep Throat.

    I quit already. No way I can beat that.

  43. 43
    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal) says:

    If you are a typical Republican, or racist Democrat for that matter, and want a good ol’ white Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.

    Translated.

    Did Brooks pull his head out of Thune’s ass long enough to take a single breath while writing this sappy Republican political pron?

    Someone needs to make some spoof romance novel cover with Thune on it, some sappy happy title and with Brooks as the author, then post it for all to laugh at.

    Let me try:

    The first thing everybody knows about David Brooks is that he is intelligent (well, he likes to think so), rugged faced (in a brown nosed, lips-chapped from kissing sphincters sort of way) and totally ripped (PeeWee Herman jokes that if he had Brooks’ body he’d be in porn right now).

    i can haz collum to rite?

  44. 44
    cdmarine says:

    @Ailuridae: I hope you’re right. I’ll be the first to admit that this is an area where I get lost pretty quickly. I would LOVE to be totally wrong on this one. I’m hoping someone comes along tomorrow and says, “No, no, no… you guys are all just misinterpreting X.”

  45. 45
    mclaren says:

    Dogj asks:

    …Why do so many profiles of Republican presidential candidates read like soft-core gay male pornography?

    Because, as we all know, GOP stands for Gay Older Pedophile.

    Brooks’ head isn’t what seems to be up Thune’s ass…

  46. 46
    meander says:

    He says his prairie background has given him a preference for small companies and local government.

    As long as those small companies are propped up by federal farm subsidies, federal flood insurance, federal drought insurance, and other federal programs.

  47. 47
    Brett says:

    He says his prairie background has given him a preference for small companies and local government.

    Which is why, of course, he fought a brutal fight for a Senate seat in the belly of the Federal government, as opposed to running for Governor or something more local.

    This is typical for Brooks.

  48. 48
    justme says:

    If I didn’t know better, I’d say Thune winked just at him, little starbursts and all.

    I do, however, know better, and Brooksy you’d better keep your ink stained mitts off of him or I’ll claw your eyes out honey.

    Also, “Freep Throat” is swimming in win. Also.

    Oh, and I think we all know that the “prairie background” has really given him a preference for small ungulates and local livestock, if you know what I mean.

  49. 49
    Yutsano says:

    @asiangrrlMN: I know that the only reason I voted for Obama was because of his athletic grace and his general body type.

    He does sort of have the Alan Rickman body style down. I should have know you’d melt for that.

    BTW hi hon.

  50. 50
    srv says:

    And why do so many profiles of Republican presidential candidates read like soft-core gay male pornography

    Hey, big guy, that’s why we pay you the big bucks to hit those sites for troll material for the next election cycle.

  51. 51

    I was going to suggest “brooksucking” but freep throat sets the bar pretty damned high.

    Maybe Broderjob, who knows?

    Anyways y’all impress me with the first pitch. BJ’ers don’t disappoint.

  52. 52
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Wasn’t it Brooks who wrote a column about some Senator he sat next to at a banquet, who fondled Bobo’s leg under the table all evening long? Might that Senator have done said fondling with rough, prarie-chapped hands? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  53. 53
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Wasn’t it Brooks who wrote a column about some Senator he sat next to at a banquet, who fondled Bobo’s leg under the table all evening long? Might that Senator have done said fondling with rough, prarie-chapped hands? Or maybe it wasn’t the Senator doing the fondling. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  54. 54
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    (Woops, sorry. I tried to claw back the first post so I could do a little, how you call it, “edit,” but the submit function is ruthless in its speed and efficiency. Apologies for the double, although not identical, posts.)

  55. 55
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Wasn’t it Brooks who wrote a column about some Senator he sat next to at a banquet, who fondled Bobo’s leg under the table all evening long? Might that Senator have done said fondling with rough, prarie-chapped hands? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    David Brooks: A Republican senator put ‘his hand on my inner thigh’ for a ‘whole’ dinner party.

    You rang?

    +4

  56. 56

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    Lol, I forgot about that. Dear cthulu, let me never end up in washington.

    Cue the lee greenwood.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....Q&

  57. 57
    Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elitist says:

    Starbursts!

    Have any of you checked out Thune’s background? To cool down after a long afternoon of laying in the sun working on his prairie tan, the dude goes swimming in Jesus Juice. For college he went to the Bible Institute of Los Angeles. Just about every quote I found from him is about Christianity. I thought Palin was scary, but Thune’s evangelicism appears to be on another level.

  58. 58
    MBSS says:

    sneak preview of going rogue.

    pre-order on amazon now!

    http://thepage.time.com/whats-.....lins-book/

  59. 59
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @MBSS:

    sneak preview of going rogue.
    pre-order on amazon now!
    http://thepage.time.com/whats-…..lins-book/

    Speaking of which…

    Sarah Palin did not believe her 2008 interview with CBS News Anchor Katie Couric would be a defining moment in the presidential election, she tells Oprah Winfrey in an upcoming interview — but she knew it was bad.

    The McCain campaign, however, thought the interview went well, Palin tells Winfrey in an interview that will broadcast Monday.

    “The campaign said, right on. Good. You’re showing your independence,” Palin said, according to an excerpt from the interview. “And of course I’m thinking, if you thought that was a good interview, I don’t know what a bad interview is because I knew it was a bad interview.”

    LOLWUT?

    +5

  60. 60

    @MBSS:
    @Midnight Marauder:

    I think I’ll wait to pirate the audiobook, as read by Morgan Freeman.

  61. 61
    MBSS says:

    @freelancer (itouch):

    I think I’ll wait to pirate the audiobook, as read by Morgan Freeman.

    i’m still a bit bummed they didn’t decide to go with christopher walken or william shatner.

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/digg/c.....poker-face

  62. 62

    @freelancer (itouch):

    How about a contest?

    Da Brooks Brodders

  63. 63

    @freelancer (itouch):
    “get busy living, or get busy dying. You betcha!”

  64. 64
    Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elitist says:

    Is Thune really so good looking anyway? Perhaps Brooks merely caught him in just the right light, the sun reflecting perfectly off the Applebee’s salad bar sneeze guard.

  65. 65
    MBSS says:

    oh noes.

    my joke is stuck in moderation purgatory.

    :o(

  66. 66
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Midnight Marauder 3:04 am

    Thanks for the link. The single most amazing thing about rereading all that was the date. It was *only last July,* barely 4 months ago. If someone had asked, I would have sworn I first read that *at least* a year ago. Guess it’s true that time just whups on by whether you’re having a good time or not.

  67. 67
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @freelancer (itouch):

    I think I’ll wait to pirate the audiobook, as read by Morgan Freeman.

    I would gladly pay any amount of money to either make such a thing happen or for the resulting product. This needs to happen somehow. We can make this happen somehow, right? Now more than ever, the world needs this.

    Now…more than ever.

  68. 68
    Yutsano says:

    @Midnight Marauder: Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Morgan in the middle of a nasty divorce? Actors aren’t always political when it comes to getting steady work.

  69. 69
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @freelancer (itouch) 3:16 am

    Gee, thanks for the earworm. Now I’ll *never* get back to sleep.

    (Maybe I should finish that half-consumed glass of wine I abandoned at 10:00 pm or so.)

  70. 70

    @Midnight Marauder:

    No, I completely agree. The only voice talent out there that could do justice to her ghostwritten prose would be Ed Harris, gene Hackman, or the people that Ken burns casts in his documentaries. My top two would be Freeman or Carl Sagan, and sagan’s gone.

  71. 71
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Yutsano:

    Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Morgan in the middle of a nasty divorce? Actors aren’t always political when it comes to getting steady work.

    I believe you are correct. But let’s not kid ourselves. Morgan Freeman releasing an audiobook version of Going Rouge Rogue would be like free money. And if he is going through a nasty divorce, well then, he’s most likely going to need it.

    Alls I’m saying is that I like our chances.

    +7

  72. 72
    Yutsano says:

    @Midnight Marauder: Actually if we pay our cards right he might do the audio for both books. Ahh I love the smell of irony.

  73. 73
    John T says:

    I think I’ll wait to pirate the audiobook, as read by Morgan Freeman.

    Youtube clips of William Shatner performing dramatic readings of excerpts will be enough to satisfy my curiosity.

  74. 74
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Yutsano:

    Actually if we pay our cards right he might do the audio for both books. Ahh I love the smell of irony.

    Now that is the spirit.

    USA! USA! USA!

  75. 75
    Brick Oven Bill says:

    A college friend from New Jersey and I drove through South Dakota some moons ago. We both came away with the impression that South Dakota girls, even the ones who worked at the fast food joints along I-90, were the hottest girls, on average, that we had ever observed.

    American females would surely find Thune to be hot, so he very well might be our next President. Female hormones will over-ride Oprah when they punch their chad in the privacy of the polling booth.

    Rapid City is predominantly a white city, with the exception of some Indians, and most likely a few Mexicans now, but there are no Glenn Beck meetup.com groups in Rapid City. This might be surprising to some, South Dakota being the home of motorcycle gatherings, but makes perfect sense to me. Glenn Beck’s message does not resonate in regions of concord. These are regions of innocence.

    South Dakota outside of Rapid City is not at all diverse, beyond some migrant farm help. This would explain why South Dakota elected Tom Daschle, a Democrat, while Georgia elects people like Saxby Chambliss.

    Whereby we conclude that South Dakota is one of the last bastions of <a href=” http://brickoven.blogspot.com/.....ocrat.html“Type 1 Democrats.

  76. 76
    Midnight Marauder says:

    Get out.

  77. 77
  78. 78
    Batocchio says:

    “Prarie background”? What, does he roll around in dirt, eat grass and commune with the groundhogs or something? They whisper to him: “Small government… Tax cuts for the wealthy…”

  79. 79
    BethanyAnne says:

    So, isn’t Brooks the one who mentioned a Senator keeping his hand on his thigh for an entire dinner? Was that actually a complaint that the Senator didn’t have better aim?

  80. 80
    Anastasius says:

    Am I alone in thinking that “prairie background” sounds like a euphemism?

    Nope. Goat fucking background is not acceptable NYT style so they have to be inventive.

  81. 81
    Yutsano says:

    @BethanyAnne: As has been noted above, it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  82. 82
    BethanyAnne says:

    @Yutsano: hehe, now I see; missed it on the first read :-)

  83. 83
    Dream On says:

    Isn’t Brooks the guy who said that a GOP Senator (possibly Lindsay or McConnell) rubbed his thigh at an event. Huh.

  84. 84
    Yutsano says:

    @BethanyAnne: Having noted that, the speculation will continue until an answer can be fabricated discovered!

  85. 85
    BethanyAnne says:

    @Yutsano: Well, I heard from this guy standing next to me at the salad bar…

  86. 86
    georgia pig says:

    By chance, my 13-year old had checked out a copy of Stephen Ambrose’s Wild Blue , which I have been reading while listening to the cable talking heads. It sort of balances out the crazy. The book is largely about George McGovern’s experiences as a B-24 pilot in WWII. McGovern is a real hero and a real prairie kind of guy. The obvious irony is that the Brooks’ of the world would label a guy who flew 35 combat missions over Europe in squadrons that suffered horrific casualty rates as a liberal elitist who wouldn’t eat at the Applebee’s salad bar, and spout wood over fantasy figures like Thune, the W of the Dakotas.

  87. 87
    MelodyMaker says:

    Nobody has commented on how butt mf ugly Thune is. That man is hideous. Looks like a … I don’t even want to think about it. ugly and frightening. stupid looking too. ugly fucker.

  88. 88
    saucy says:

    I’m from South Dakota and feel well-qualified to comment on this one. It is a locally-known but seldom-discussed truth that John Thune is just not very intelligent. When I heard that he had been tapped for a leadership post, I remember thinking, “Oh, they must have needed him for his looks.” Believe me people, there isn’t much going on underneath! I think he takes the conservative position on every issue because it’s less challenging than thinking.

    Re: SD demographics: it’s true that South Dakota has a high number of whites with a fair number of Natives, especially in the west. There are an increasing number of Hispanics and African migrants in the eastern half of the state, but probably not enough to be electorally significant yet. I don’t know about “regions of innocence” though.

    I would like to agree with Brick Oven Bill on one count: it is true that South Dakotans are of above-average hotness…

  89. 89

    tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way)

    In contrast to the orangey spray-on Man Tan that Boehner sports, I suppose.

  90. 90
    WereBear says:

    I remember reading about Karl Rove reminiscing about his first meeting with the Shrub:

    Says Rove about his first glimpse of the 27-year-old George W. Bush, “I can literally remember what he was wearing: an Air National Guard flight jacket, cowboy boots, blue jeans…. He was exuding more charisma than any one individual should be allowed to have.” Or, in another telling: “huge amounts of charisma, swagger, cowboy boots, flight jacket, wonderful smile, just charisma—you know, wow.” Rove even remembers the car: “A purple Gremlin with Levi interior.”

    And I can’t find it now, but Rove went on for a full paragraph about the circle worn into W’s back pocket by a can of tobacco.

    I used to be puzzled by the way so many of these Xantians would go on and on about gay male sex, how it has tremendous power to seduce people, how indulging in it is the height of hedonistic rapture.

    Well, yes, it is.

    If you are a man who is gay.

    And there’s nothing wrong with that. Except in their twisted little minds.

  91. 91
    kay says:

    Conservative men always think liberal and moderate women will vote for better looking conservative men.
    They sold Dan Quayle like this, too.
    My sisters and I would go into fits of laughter every time one or another conservative man would tell us we’d be voting for Quayle because he was good looking.
    Conservative men had a crush on Dan Quayle. We didn’t.

  92. 92
    VOR says:

    From Wikipedia’s profile of John Thune:
    “Between 2002-2004 Thune worked as a lobbyist for the Dakota, Minnesota & Eastern Railroad”.
    “Soon after arriving in the Senate, Thune wrote language into a transportation bill expanding the pot of federal loan money for small railroads, enabling his former client to apply for $2.5 billion in government financing for its project.”

  93. 93
    priscianus jr says:

    And why do so many profiles of Republican presidential candidates read like soft-core gay male pornography (not that there’s anything wrong with that)?

    There is definitely something wrong with that, as it’s meant to suggest their qualifications for office.

  94. 94
    someguy says:

    Unfortunately for Republicans, there are no direct flights from D.C. to South Dakota. You know what that means, right?

    A stop in Minneapolis to change planes, and go to the bathroom.

    They might want to avoid that. If they still want midwest and pwned by corporate interests, they might want to look at somebody more like Spence Abraham. I can see Brooks’ column now.

    “Not exactly conventionally handsome or chiseled from stone, he is endowed with powerful and ample glutes. Plus he fits really well into places with low ceilings.”

  95. 95
  96. 96
    bob h says:

    The one complaint I heard about Cheney was that he wasn’t “more impressive physically”.

  97. 97
    aimai says:

    Kay,
    Good point. Conservative men are under the impression that women are led entirely by their hormones. I sort of think that was behind some of the PUMA rage, too. Its as though they thought every vote for Obama was a vote for a handsome young stud against an older woman rather than being a vote on policy or politics or popularity. I think a lot of the PUMA anger was over being *rejected* (as they saw it) sexually by proxy. And you saw the same thing on the Republican Side–they tried to make McCain sexy/big daddy and they were really angry that he was undercut or overshadowed by Obama’s charm and grace. That was a constant complaint–that all those things were superficial and misleading when you knew for a fact if they could wave a wand and make McCain handsome and young and kennedyesque they would. (Both Pumas and McCain people bitched about Obama’s undeserved luck at being born black, with a sympathetic background. It was clear that all these things were desirable attributes that they would have purchased for their candidates if only they could have.)

    aimai

  98. 98
    EarBucket says:

    I’ve been saying for more than a year that Thune would be the GOP nominee in 2012. He’s basically the Republican John Kerry.

  99. 99
    RSA says:

    John McCain jokes that if he had Thune’s face he’d be president right now

    The well-known Hannibal Lecter strategy for Presidential campaigning.

  100. 100
    kay says:

    @aimai:

    Good point. Conservative men are under the impression that women are led entirely by their hormones.

    True, but it’s not just that. It’s contempt for all voters. Men were supposed to flock to Palin because she’s attractive, and women were supposed to flock to Palin because she’s female.
    Bill Kristol must have absolute contempt for women if he thought women were going to vote for Sarah Palin out of spite. Is he insane? Does he know any women, or talk to them?
    John Mccain is really running round thinking the reason he lost the race is because he wasn’t handsome enough? That’s a nice dodge. He’s not responsible for any of it? This was all about Obama’s “athletic grace?”
    David Brooks doesn’t know one goddamn thing about rural poverty, and that’s the hallmark of South Dakota, not “the prairie”. Rural poverty.

  101. 101
    Curt says:

    @georgia pig: I peeked at Thune’s wiki to see if he got a Vietnam deferment like Tancredo (and Cheney and Chambliss and all the rest), but it turns out he’s from a younger generation.

  102. 102
    HRA says:

    “If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.”

    Well, yes, that would catch anyone’s eye until delving further into the background of this person or until hearing this person speak. One has to wonder if this has everything to do with the roster of candidates the Republicans showed last time of the majority in old white men brought this on. I know it was my first thought during the Republican primary debates and made it difficult to give my full attention to their remarks.

    Could it be a message to Dobbs? Thanks but no thanks?

  103. 103
    David says:

    No “brush clearing”?

  104. 104
    TimO says:

    I’m not gay but very horny right now. Brooksie, you little minx!

    You really know how to spin my spurs!

  105. 105
    kay says:

    @HRA:

    I think it’s hysterical. “Body type” and “the prairie”. It’s Palin all over again.

    David Brooks is the brain trust on the Right? Armed with the keen analytical skills of a People magazine reporter, he sets out to find the Right’s Barack Obama, just like they set out to find the Right’s answer to Hillary Clinton, in Palin. Good Lord.

  106. 106
    Geeno says:

    I was going to say “the Brooks Broders”, but JGabriel named that tune in one note.

  107. 107
    toujoursdan says:

    Oh good grief. Can we stop with the gay porn references?

    If it was really gay porn it would be chock full of acronyms and code like “He’s 8c and isn’t into PNP, SM, WS, FF. Cannot host. Pics recent. S2R. ”

    David Brooks is so ungay it hurts. It’s like watching Michael Steele trying to do his hip hop routine.

  108. 108
    geg6 says:

    Bobo has a crush, I see.

  109. 109
    schrodinger's cat says:

    @geg6:
    Non-chunky Ross Douthat sounds like he is in love.

  110. 110
    schrodinger's cat says:

    @kay:
    They thought Fred Thompson was attractive too, remember.

  111. 111
    geg6 says:

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    They thought Fred Thompson was attractive too, remember.

    Yes, that was a moment, wasn’t it? I mean seriously. Fred Thompson? Mr. Potato Head? But Tweety sure gets wood every time his name comes up.

  112. 112
    RememberNovember says:

    “If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.”

    Ben Franklin was overweight, had gout, and yet still scored with the ladies- his point being?

    If you want to pick your President based on superficial callow attributes, just ask Brooks.

  113. 113
    thomas says:

    Again
    David Broder
    David Broks
    Coinsidence
    I think not. Has anyone ever seen them together?

  114. 114
    bob h says:

    Thune has another appealing quality- he is dumb in a nice, All-American, Republican sort of way.

  115. 115
    Kirk Spencer says:

    @Midnight Marauder:

    “And of course I’m thinking, if you thought that was a good interview, I don’t know what a bad interview is because I knew it was a bad interview.

    In fairness, this is not ‘lolwut’. You have to read the whole sentence (I know, hard at +5) and get a bit of the slang. Let me paraphrase.

    “I knew it was a bad interview. The campaign manager said it was a good interview. Either I’m ignorant or he is an idiot.”

    No, sorry, the phrasing does not allow for “all the above”.

  116. 116
    Jinchi says:

    (John McCain jokes that if he had Thune’s face he’d be president right now).

    Yeah, that strategy worked out great for Mitt Romney.

  117. 117
    An Outhouse says:

    Teabag him!!

  118. 118
    GregB says:

    I seem to recall that Larry Craig had that tall, fit lanky physique too…..

    He’s sort of a mature Michael Phelps…I can almost smell the Aqua Velva.

    -G

  119. 119
    Rich says:

    That sounds a little gay. NTTAWWT.

  120. 120
    kindness says:

    Oh Jeez. He needs to get a room!

    Reminds me of ‘stars shot out of my television’. Sounds like a thrill went up his leg and camped out in the pop tent in his pants.

  121. 121
    Jim Caserta says:

    Thune’s defeat of Daschle was upsetting to me because of how Daschle failed to stand up to him. I remember Thune saying Daschle’s criticism of the Prez gave ‘aid and comfort’ to the enemy. That is the definition of treason. I wanted Daschle to say, ‘you’re accusing me of treason. If you really believe that, put me on trial today, and let’s see how those charges stick.’ I criticized Bush, but if anyone accused me of treasonous behavior, I would have been dropping f-bombs left and right. MtP requires a little less color in the language, but Daschle should have responded with fire.

  122. 122
    Jim Caserta says:

    MtP 2004

    MR. RUSSERT: But you have no problem with the head of your party saying he gives comfort to America’s enemies?

    MR. THUNE: I would not have chosen those words but let me say this. I have talked to a lot of soldiers in South Dakota. I talked to a soldier recently who said that Tom’s comments going into the war on the eve of war when we had South Dakota men and women in the Persian Gulf that he could never vote for him again. And what it does is emboldens our enemies and undermines the morale of our troops and I…

    MR. RUSSERT: His words embolden the enemy?

    MR. THUNE: His words embolden the enemy. I think they do. I think when you’ve got political leaders in your country, Tim, in a time of war, when you’ve got young men and women on the ground, South Dakota men and women, Guard men and women, active duty personnel, who are putting their lives at risk for the United States of America and you’ve got a leader from your state who is getting up and attacking in a way that completely undermines the morale of our troops, that’s wrong.

    MR. RUSSERT: This is a very serious charge. Your words: embolden the enemy.

    SEN. DASCHLE: That’s disappointing. That is very disappointing,

    That’s more than disappointing, it’s just making shit up.

  123. 123
    tomvox1 says:

    But deep in the bowels of the G.O.P., there are serious people having quiet conversations. The people holding these conversations created and admired Bob McDonnell’s perfectly executed Virginia gubernatorial campaign.

    This is just a lament for GOP candidates to go back to the days when hard right candidates at least pretended not to be crazy in public for the sake of, you know, getting elected. Then once in office, you can go ahead and govern hard right anyway and vastly over-interpret your “mandate” (just watch this McDonnell character–it’ll happen). You know, “compassionate conservatism” the Rove/W. way: take a reasonable position in public and then settle on the most extreme tack when it’s time govern.

  124. 124
    Dakota Dave says:

    ha, most of you left wing neolibs are absolutely clueless. I have lived in South Dakota most of my life and personally know John. He is the real deal and that must scare the crap out of you.

    And don’t tell the rest of the world about our hot women out here. Many are ranch girls and do lots of phyiscal activities. Hell, I’ll bet they could kick the crap out of most of you whiney pussified liberals.

  125. 125
    aimai says:

    @113:

    Are you thinking what I’m thinking–that Brooks is the younger clone of Broder, just brought on line too soon and thus inhabiting the same meat-pundit-space prematurely?

    aimai

  126. 126
    bago says:

    @Lev: Bethesda is SO yuppie.

  127. 127
    mistersnrub says:

    When did David Brooks turn into Mr. Garrison?

  128. 128
    JGabriel says:

    @Kirk Spencer:

    In fairness, this is not ‘lolwut’.

    Actually, it is. Methinks you’re missing the irony here:

    McCain’s people, who knew the interview was terrible, tried to reassure Sarah. Sarah takes the reassurances literally, thinks they’re even dumber than her, and rewards their good intentions with international ridicule on Oprah.

    “Lolwut” is therefore appropriate, if rather tame under the circumstances.

    .

  129. 129
    bayville says:

    ,,,the man who beat Tom Daschle in an epic campaign five years ago.

    Yes, an epic campaign where Thune got almost 198,000 votes (50.8%) with 67 percent of eligible voters turning out for a Presidential election year and his party’s incumbent running at the top of the ticket.

    Percentage wise, the turnout ranked 9th among the 50 states.
    BTW, what part of the world has Bobo been hiding recently?

    Thune also possesses the favored Republican profile du jour: conservative at the roots but pragmatic at the surface.

    pragmatic – du jour? Is Bobo describing the Tancredo, Beck, Limbaugh or Birther-wing of the Republican profile?

  130. 130
    theturtlemoves says:

    @Brick Oven Bill:

    South Dakota outside of Rapid City is not at all diverse

    I know we aren’t supposed to feed the trolls, but I grew up 40 miles from Rapid City and to imply that it is somehow “diverse” is plumbing the depths of stupidity, even for BoB. NOTHING in South Dakota is diverse, but especially the western part of the state. It is beautiful out there, but really, really white and conservative. Unless he’s thinking the north end of Rapid, essentially little Pine Ridge, where they put all the folks that tried to escape the Rez. Sure, I guess that is diverse in a dirt poor, screwing the Natives all over again sort of way. And I agree with the other SoDak on here that Thune is widely considered a moron. As I said in another thread yesterday, he’s a walking haircut.

  131. 131
    Tonybrown74 says:

    Someone may have already said this, but just in case, there is no such thing as soft-core gay pornography.

    I think that may actually answer all questions re: Republican Man-Fetish.

  132. 132
    Jay in Oregon says:

    @Ailuridae:

    Also, GOS diarists and BJ commenters should realize that the OC Register is basically the West Coast Avengers version of the Moonie Times.

    Dammit, and I was drinking good tea when I read that, too…

    *wipes off monitor*

  133. 133
    theturtlemoves says:

    @Dakota Dave: Oh, yeah. That’s why I moved away. This is your typical SD voter, particularly west river. It scares me to read the editorials every time I go back to visit the family. This comment is positively articulate compared to the average letter to the editor in the Rapid City Journal.

  134. 134
    jimmy says:

    Did Brooks say how big Thune’s dick is?

  135. 135

    […] while other discussions remain pure speculation (which Dems will lose which seats in 2010, or if sun-kissed Prairie man, John Thune, will run for president.) However, there is clearly an overall message resonating from […]

  136. 136
    bayville says:

    OMG it’s a virus.
    From today’s WaPo Chat.

    Lunch: How was your lunch with President Obama last Friday? Assume the chatter was off the record, but how was the coffee?
    Chris Cillizza: It was really, really interesting. And, yes, it was off the record so I can’t talk or write about it much.
    Highlight of the day: getting to meet David Brooks. Dude is smart. And, we share a 2012 darkhorse in John Thune. (Although David beat me to writing about Thune today in the Times.)

  137. 137

    Remember, many of these same pundits actually thought the graying, balding, paunchy Fred Thompson was a sexy stud.
    Hollywood is high school for rich people, and Washington is Hollywood for ugly people.

  138. 138
    FlipYrWhig says:

    Feel the Thunementum

    Shouldn’t that be EnThuneSiasm?

  139. 139
    Cris says:

    @JGabriel: Freep Throat.

    Bump for win

  140. 140
    cleek says:

    heartland!heartland!
    fapfapfap!

  141. 141
    cleek says:

    WTCrap ?

    that was supposed to be:

    heartland! heartland!
    fapfapfap!

    some commie stole my 2nd ‘heartland’ !

  142. 142
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @JGabriel:

    Actually, it is. Methinks you’re missing the irony here:
    McCain’s people, who knew the interview was terrible, tried to reassure Sarah. Sarah takes the reassurances literally, thinks they’re even dumber than her, and rewards their good intentions with international ridicule on Oprah.
    “Lolwut” is therefore appropriate, if rather tame under the circumstances.

    Thank you for this. The +5 (at the time) the other night only enhanced the WTFness of that comment.

    @bayville:

    Chris Cillizza: Highlight of the day: getting to meet David Brooks. Dude is smart. And, we share a 2012 darkhorse in John Thune. (Although David beat me to writing about Thune today in the Times.)

    Please just let the “John Thune bangs dudes on the side–SURPRISE!” happen ASAP so we can get this shit out of the way. John Thune? For President? Of The United States of America? And these motherfuckers get paid for their “thoughts”?

    Yikes!

  143. 143
    FlipYrWhig says:

    And, we share a 2012 darkhorse in John Thune.

    You know what they say, the best thing to do with a dark horse is take a wild bareback ride.

  144. 144
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @JGabriel: That’s it. Contest over. Freep Throat it is.

    @Yutsano: Hahahahahaha! Alan, while being teh hawtness, is not exactly athletic. Hiya. How are you?

    Love love love this thread.

    I don’t find Thune attractive at all, but I don’t think Ratface Pawlenty is, either, and there are p-aw-lenty who do.

  145. 145
    Kyle says:

    the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama

    Yes, that’s exactly the reason people voted for Obama. Fucktards.
    Repigs still have no fucking clue that people are looking for more than a male model prancing on a carrier deck to administer the US government.
    It’s all just a big game of how stupid and incompetent a hollow vessel they can market to the American people and have the droolers vote for.

  146. 146
    aimai says:

    Wait a minute–this John Thune?

    I warn you, its Blair Witch freaky.

    aimai

  147. 147

    […] just wrong, but somehow insidious, tricky, an effort to put one over on the public. Aside from the evident sexual tension, today’s effort on John Thune strikes me as almost the reverse. Brooks’ project is to […]

  148. 148
    gocart mozart says:

    The first thing everybody knows about him is that he is tall (6 feet 4 inches), tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way) and handsome

    Now we know why Bobo let him leave his hand on his knee for several minutes.

  149. 149

    […] Thune’s looks, getting flatteringly specific about Thune’s height, skin and frame. As this post (linked to by Yglesias) points out, it’s not unusual for this kind of thing to happen with […]

  150. 150
    Will says:

    And why do so many profiles of Republican presidential candidates read like soft-core gay male pornography (not that there’s anything wrong with that)?

    Because they are.

  151. 151
    chrome agnomen says:

    every morning at the senate you could see him in the can,
    stood six-foot-four, had a rugged prairie tan.
    kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hips.
    god knows i wanted to get my lips
    on big john.

    ——-bobo

  152. 152
    chrome agnomen says:

    @MBSS:
    @33 could just call them the bro’s

  153. 153
    Gus says:

    @MBSS:
    Blockquotes might have failed, but not teh funny.

  154. 154
    Nutella says:

    @bayville:

    Looks like the orders came down from MSM Central Command to both Cillizza and Brooks that Thune is the Great White Hope.

    And the pic Aimai linked to is remarkably ugly so the orders must be the reason Brooks is all swooney about Thune.

  155. 155
    aleks says:

    @Comrade Luke:
    Cantor? That Hebrew fellow who got uppity eventually about the use of Dachau banners at GOP press conferences?

  156. 156
    aleks says:

    @asiangrrlMN: I don’t have much to say for my looks, but I can promise you I look nothing like our idiot governor.

  157. 157
    Anne Laurie says:

    @EarBucket:

    I’ve been saying for more than a year that Thune would be the GOP nominee in 2012. He’s basically the Republican John Kerry.

    Kerry is my senator, and I was going to complain that he’s the very opposite of a room-temperature-IQ Christianist who relies on flash-cards from his biggest donors to understand what he wants for breakfast. But I guess when you use the modifier ‘Republican’ the standards for intelligence and/or integrity just don’t rise very high.

  158. 158
    Anne Laurie says:

    @bayville:

    “Thune also possesses the favored Republican profile du jour: conservative at the roots but pragmatic at the surface.”
    __
    pragmatic – du jour? Is Bobo describing the Tancredo, Beck, Limbaugh or Birther-wing of the Republican profile?

    I think our Bobo is describing the Closeted Gay Republican profile: “queer as the Castro district in 1983, but sufficiently butch in presentation that he doesn’t ruffle the talibangelicals’ feathers.”

  159. 159

    @gizmo

    Brooks makes a living by celebrating folksy American myths and connecting them to the GOP. He is doing his best to put into words what Norman Rockwell painted. The difference is that Rockwell worked at a time when there was something that still resembled an authentic American culture, whereas the portraits that Brooks likes to paint are hollow and empty.

    There’s also the fact that Rockwell had the balls to paint images like this one. Which doesn’t fit into the bullshit, folksy iconography that Brooks celebrates.

    I’d love to see Brooks exiled from DC and its environs for a year or so and be forced to take up residence in say, Selah, Washington, Williams, California, or either Pierre our Sioux Falls, South Dakota or any of the other rural burgs he has such a hard on for. I’d want to make sure that he stayed in the area for the entire year, say by attaching GPS bracelets wired to loops of det cord wrapped around each of his legs and set to go off and blow his legs off below the knees if he leaves the city limits of whatever city he was currently living in.

    I think that this forced exile from the salons of DC and Georgetown would immeasurably improve Brooks writing; in fact, he could write a book about it, The Applebee’s Archipelago is a catchy title. And if he ever got too pissy and uppity and annoying the locals could just drag his ass past the town line and let the GPS and det cord do their thing.

  160. 160
    Jim M says:

    My first time in a while over to the comments section of BJ. You people really are a hoot. Freep Throat, my God.

  161. 161
    ron says:

    @JGabriel:
    and what a member it is

  162. 162
    Little Macayla's Friend says:

    Just for the permanent BJ record, Thune voted against the Franken anti-rape amendment:

    http://www.senate.gov/legislat.....8#position

    He’s a republican robot, and he will carry this vote on his back for the rest of his life.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. […] Thune’s looks, getting flatteringly specific about Thune’s height, skin and frame. As this post (linked to by Yglesias) points out, it’s not unusual for this kind of thing to happen with […]

  2. […] just wrong, but somehow insidious, tricky, an effort to put one over on the public. Aside from the evident sexual tension, today’s effort on John Thune strikes me as almost the reverse. Brooks’ project is to […]

  3. […] while other discussions remain pure speculation (which Dems will lose which seats in 2010, or if sun-kissed Prairie man, John Thune, will run for president.) However, there is clearly an overall message resonating from […]

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