Now it can be told

I’ve been laughing about this all day, pretty certain that Balloon Boy was okay, but I held off on posting it until I knew for sure: this is the funniest Tweet I’ve read in a while, though maybe that is/was just the mid-day Via/evening Guiness talking.

If you lower the balloon tax, the boy will come back down willingly. To create jobs where he lands.

DougJ +4






323 replies
  1. 1
    freelancer says:

    This kid is gonna grow up to invent a car that runs on hope, and emits candy beans and he will still be known as the Balloon Boy.

  2. 2
    Molly says:

    No one at work understood why I wasn’t concerned much about the kid. I said “Trust me, he’s not in there, he thinks he’s in DEEP shit for that balloon coming loose, and he’s hiding.” Sure enough…

    I’ve got two little boys, 7 and 4. If they’d have climbed in, the TV cameras would have gotten audio of “I’m telling Mommy it’s YOUR fault!” “No, it was YOUR fault! Why are you so stupid?”

  3. 3
    Comrade Jake says:

    I love how all the networks just knew the kid was in the balloon, because his older brother told them that. This whole thing seems like an excellent candidate for the Darwin awards.

  4. 4
    ricky says:

    So was the photo actually showing Rush Limbaugh being dropped from the NFL trial balloon?

  5. 5
    freelancer says:

    Does Jon Stewart still take Fridays off? If so, goddamnit!

  6. 6
    Bill says:

    I was partial to the line:

    Looks like Michael Jackson just ordered takeout.

    [while Balloon Boy was still “up” of course]

  7. 7
    Andre says:

    The Kanye/Anne Frank one was awesome, too.

    Nearly forgot, this is about as great as the Internet gets.

  8. 8
    UofAZGrad says:

    Kid logic: “I fucked up, daddy is going to be pissed so I will hide to avoid trouble”

    Reality: Parents so happy kid is alive (and media/police watching them react) that kid is embraced and not punished for destroying father’s big project, panicking the family/community and wasting tons of police resources.

    Ergo, kid was right. If he had fessed up he would have been in trouble but hiding kept him out of it. I pray my 3 year old doesn’t come up with this type of plan.

  9. 9
    beabea says:

    Anybody catch the Ed Show, where Ed Schultz said this balloon incident was one of the most bizarre stories he’s covered in a long time…

    …and he actually said that before his exclusive interview with the Wife Swap contestant who lived with the balloon family for two weeks, who turned out to be a psychic on which Balloon Dad did experiments, in between pursuing his apparently great interest in extraterrestrials.

  10. 10
    El Cruzado says:

    @Comrade Jake:

    Unfortunately Darwin awards are only given posthumously (unlike, say, the Nobel Peace Price).

    Whatever awards are given for journalistic stupidity, today is a strong contender for many of them. In my imaginary awards, it gets at least October’s Missing Blonde Girl award.

    Rubbernecking journalism at its finest.

  11. 11
    dfd says:

    Maybe these are stupid questions but what kind of balloon has a door on it and thus how could he have conceivably crawled into the damn thing? Also, wouldn’t he have been asphyxiated by the helium atmosphere?

    dfd +2

  12. 12
    JR (not the other JR) says:

    I think Balloon Mom and Balloon Dad will soon be forking over some big Balloon bucks to pay for the police/National Guard resources expended on this little (non)escapade.

  13. 13
    beltane says:

    @Comrade Jake: Really. I totally disregard anything my kids report on regarding each other. They tend to either cover up for each other, or blame each other. In this respect, children are very much like politicians.

  14. 14
    UofAZGrad says:

    @El Cruzado,

    I read a Washington Post editorial that assured me Darwin awards are only awarded to the living. So time to apologize for your lies.

  15. 15
    beltane says:

    @dfd: They were talking gondola, as if this oversized birthday party balloon was a mini Hindenburg. I wonder if it had a cocktail bar, too.

  16. 16
    UofAZGrad says:

    @beltane, until your kids start a witch hunt of Muslim interns then I think you owe them an apology for that insulting comparison.

    On second thought, even if your kids do demagogue against harmless muslims they may still be better than politicians depending on their position regarding farm subsidies.

  17. 17
    Harry Kawasaki says:

    I was cautiously optimistic during the flight, fondly reminiscent when he was found hiding in a box in the attic, and openly cheering when Tight-Ass Mom from “Wife Swap” said that Dad allowed the kids to “burp and fart”.

    I like these people.

  18. 18
    dfd says:

    @beltane

    Ah, thanks. That makes a bit more sense.

  19. 19
    randiego says:

    The best part was the airheaded speculation on how they could rescue the kid from the local talking heads in CO. No shit, at one point they mentioned JET PACKS.

    Do JET PACKS even exist in any functional realistic way?

  20. 20
    khead says:

    Anyone who predicted this hoax in advance should be awarded 12 Monkeys.

    khead +6

  21. 21

    If I were an entrepreneurial kind of guy, I would be frantically manufacturing and selling “Balloon Boy” Halloween costumes. They would be a smash.

    My favorite Tweet of the day: “I Hope this Balloon Boy story has an uplifting ending.”

  22. 22
    AhabTRuler says:

    Hey, I got to watch CNN broadcast for like 3 frickin’ hours without having any real, y’know, information to impart. At one point, one of the ‘experts’ said “You’re asking me to speculate a lot, but…” and dove right in.
    It was news free news, pure infotainment.

  23. 23
    beltane says:

    @randiego: Screw the jet packs. They needed Superman. He could have taken care of things in a cinch.

  24. 24
    Loneoak says:

    Balloon Dad seems kinda wingnutty. He’s got a lot of public rants about the pussification of America, Hillary Clinton’s reptilian shape shifting (WTF?), and how awful anything with a vagina is.

    And he was on Wife Swap, twice, which is a show only Republicans could love.

  25. 25
    AhabTRuler says:

    Anyone who predicted this hoax in advance should be awarded 12 Monkeys.

    I’ll take mine in the bar, thanks.

  26. 26
    Corner Stone says:

    Why don’t you just go get yourself another cocktail you drunk!
    /Stuck

  27. 27
    JasonF says:

    My favorite tweet:

    YO FALCON, IM HAPPY FOR YOU & IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT RUSSELL FROM UP WAS THE BEST

  28. 28
    Harry Kawasaki says:

    Do JET PACKS even exist in any functional realistic way?

    Yeah – you just do Left, Right, L1, L2, R1, R2, Up, Down, Left, Right.

  29. 29
    Will says:

    The boy will spread private balloon accounts, free of socialist interference, across the land.

  30. 30
    Demo Woman says:

    I didn’t watch the balloon boy story unfold.. I saw a clip online and decided either he was on the balloon or he wasn’t. It was like watching a car chase but with a 6 year old behind the wheel and I chose not to watch but a few seconds. Mike Luchovich cartoon sums it up nicely.

  31. 31
    gopher2b says:

    @khead:

    I didn’t believe it from the start. Someone would have seen him fall out and/or they would have found his body early in the day. This had big brother, small brother cover-up gone terribly wrong written all over it.

  32. 32
    Morbo says:

    @randiego: Goddamn right they do. And only for a mere 200 large.

  33. 33
  34. 34
    Loneoak says:

    Holy shit, how did I miss the ‘Hillary Clinton is a reptile’ meme from the primaries?!

    This. And this.

    And everyone’s a fucking reptile! Talking to physicists proves it.

  35. 35
    Michael Gass says:

    You think it’s funny? People didn’t know if the boy was in it, or not… whether he had fallen out of it, or not.

    You think it’s funny?

  36. 36

    @Andre: Man, today was a craptastic day, but that made it all better.

  37. 37
    calling all toasters says:

    @beltane: Well, of course he did. This is a family that lives on publicity.

  38. 38
    calling all toasters says:

    @Morbo: ME WANT!!!!!

  39. 39

    beltane your link isn’t working (it had 2 httpees).

    http//www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/10/15/793848/-We-did-it-for-a-show

  40. 40
    DougJ says:

    You think it’s funny?

    Uh, that’s kind of my point. It’s funny now, because he was just a kid playing a joke. It wasn’t funny before.

  41. 41
    Fencedude says:

    You think it’s funny?

    Fucking hilarious.

  42. 42
    Tattoosydney says:

    @Michael Gass:

    You think it’s funny?

    Hell yes.

  43. 43
    Morbo says:

    @Loneoak: Laugh it up, but we know from the Franken/Coleman recounts that the lizard people are making inroads in Minnesota.

  44. 44
    Michael Gass says:

    No, DougJ… it wasn’t then.. nor, is it now.

    So, when it comes out… the kid was simply a scared little 6 year-old who was afraid he let the balloon go.

    It’s not funny. Then… or now.

  45. 45
    calling all toasters says:

    @Michael Gass:

    You think it’s funny? People didn’t know if the boy was in it, or not

    People also don’t know how to find France on a map. That’s funny too. Anyway, for an hour people across the country got to feel like they actually give a shit about others, so it’s all good.

  46. 46
    Ben Richards says:

    Dougj – love the Kilgore Trout reference. Nicely done…

  47. 47

    CONCERN. It’s what’s for dinner.

  48. 48
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    I found the car chase aspect to be particularly loathsome. CNN and their 24-hour compatriots learn nothing from Stewart’s takedowns. They still play the game. I was particularly irked by that asshat of an “expert” who played with the videos using their special secret sauce balloon-o-meter to move the balloon up and down when they had NO NEW INFORMATION WHATSOEVER. FSM, Wolf Blitzer is such a tool.

  49. 49
    Halffasthero says:

    OK, I have to ask this since no one else did. Where did this 6 year old balloon boy get enough juice to fly this thing?

    John?

  50. 50
    Michael Gass says:

    Like they “gave a shit”????

    Seriously calling-all-toasters?

    You think that it simply gave people a chance to FEEL like they gave a shit?????

    What THE fuck is wrong with people!

    WAIT until the facts come out… it could have been a kid in mortal danger… or… kid let balloon go and hid.

    NEITHER was funny.

  51. 51
    Demo Woman says:

    @Michael Gass: During the balloon boy chase, a man was buried alive in a trench in Atlanta. He did not have such a good outcome. CNN is located here and I’m not sure that they broke away from the balloon chase to cover this. Maybe they did and I hope so. Somehow I don’t think he was the only person to die accidentally in the US today. Of course every one is pleased that the 6 year old is safe and sound.

  52. 52
    Michael Gass says:

    Demo Woman,

    I’m a veteran. I’ve seen war. I’m also an ex-cop. I’ve seen misery.

    I don’t find any of it “funny”…

    I don’t care what the media follows… what they don’t follow for another story.

    When people sit and joke about shit that most should simply be glad didn’t turn out bad… I am not giving them quarter.

  53. 53
    handy says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Question, do you post at FDL or TL often? Just curious.

  54. 54
  55. 55

    That reminds me of a joke I heard once: A kid calls 911 and says in a whisper “there are police here” the 911 operator says “why are there police there” the kid says “there are police, and firefighters here” the 911 operator says “why are they there” the kid says “there are police, and firefighters and helicopters here” the 911 operator says “where are you” the kid says “under my bed” the 911 operator says “what are all those people doing?” the kid giggles and says “they’re looking for me”.

  56. 56
    Michael Gass says:

    handy,

    I blog at docudharma.com

    I also, at times, simu-post at daily kos.

    I comment at a few sites.. this one, as you see.

  57. 57
    Nellcote says:

    At least they weren’t teaching their kids how to build pipe bombs like these idiots:

    http://www.twincities.com/tops.....ck_check=1

  58. 58
    handy says:

    I blog at docudharma.com

    Yeah figured, you fit right in there.

  59. 59

    @Loneoak:

    I didn’t clicky the linky thingys but have you been talking to David Icke?

  60. 60
    Fencedude says:

    @Michael Gass:

    It’s not funny. Then… or now.

    Your concern is noted, and summarily disregarded.

  61. 61
    Demo Woman says:

    I don’t think any one is laughing at a 6 year boy. Mocking the news media is fair game though.

  62. 62
    Morbo says:

    <a href=http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/10/15/793848/-We-did-it-for-a-showHere, I’ll fix beltane’s and krv’s hoax link. Because I don’t want it cluttering up my address bar/am lazy.

  63. 63
    Loneoak says:

    So, when it comes out… the kid was simply a scared little 6 year-old who was afraid he let the balloon go.
    It’s not funny. Then… or now.

    The humor is not found in the suffering, it is found in our shared cultural capacity for turning the suffering into a circus. We laugh at the circus.

  64. 64
    Michael Gass says:

    Fencedude,

    Right. Noted. Disregarded.

    Kinda puts you into a certain place… doesn’t it… you don’t care about people… even a 6 year-old.

    Congratulations.

    I do.

  65. 65
    randiego says:

    anyone who believes this was a hoax based on the utterance of a 6yr old needs his head examined.

    It could be a hoax, but that Kos diary was weak.

  66. 66
    Brick Oven Bill says:

    I would only note that Martin has been silent today. It could have been traumatic.

  67. 67
    Michael Gass says:

    Loneoak,

    There was no “circus”…

    There was simply a situation… breaking… followed…

    That the kid was safe, hiding, is immaterial.

    If YOU believe it was a circus… then you should look at yourself…

  68. 68
    Loneoak says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt:

    Yup, that’s where the trail led. First I read the Salon piece about Balloon Dad ranting about HRC being a reptilian shape shifter and then I fell down a YouTube hole that led to Icke. Fascinating stuff. And it’s all wrapped up in conspiracies about the New World Order and black helicopters.

    But really, it’s the idea that Hillary is a reptile that got me.

  69. 69
    Ben Richards says:

    @Loneoak: Exactly. It’s why Sully Sullenberger’s response to the question “Did you pray?” was so funny…

  70. 70
  71. 71
    Demo Woman says:

    @Michael Gass: How terribly judgmental of you. What an asshole you are… No one is joking about a 6 year old and if you read the fucking comments you would know that. You have your own agenda and just decided to stay on message even though your message is wrong.

  72. 72
    Loneoak says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Dude, enough with the ellipses.

  73. 73
    Fencedude says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Kinda puts you into a certain place… doesn’t it… you don’t care about people… even a 6 year-old.

    This has (essentially) nothing to do with the kid, and everything to do with the coverage. If the kid had gotten hurt/killed, well, that would have been terrible and I’d have felt a little sad when I heard about it, but I have better things to do with my time than get worked up over the possibility that he COULD have THEORETICALLY gotten hurt.

    He didn’t, so I honestly don’t really give a shit. And like someone mentioned up thread, during the 3+ hours CNN devoted to this story, other people actually did die, for numerous reasons.

    Do you spend all your time being upset that at any given moment someone, somewhere has just died or gotten injured?

  74. 74

    Oh totally OT but incredibly funny (and ties in nicely with the post about the “endless stew”) Mum made some sort of a stew this evening, it involved a bit of steak that was in the fridge (me = are you sure that is still good mum it looks a bit iffy mum = humph good meat should be hung for a week or so) some frozen spaghetti tv-dinner that I bought when felon step-daughter was still living here and eating me out of house and home, cabbage, celery, some soy protein type fake ground beef, a metric ton (John’s measurement) of potatoes and dumplings. It was really, really good, and filled me up after just having “poor peoples food” (my mums description of tacos etc) for lunch. However, after we had eaten and we were clearing away she said “did I tell you how I lost the plot while making the stew?” Apparently she was making the stew and making a pot of tea at the same time and (according to her) threw the tea bag in the stew instead of in the tea pot. She said she stood there looking at the tea bag for a while, resting on the pan of stew and thought “no that isn’t right”. I about pissed myself laughing when she told me (okay so you had to be there alright!)

  75. 75
    LD50 says:

    @Michael Gass: If we just agree to say that you’re a much better person than all of us, will you knock it off?

  76. 76
    Michael Gass says:

    Demo Woman,

    I guess that to you, English is a second language…

    I can read. I think you can too.

    People here are trying to find something funny about this situation. There is nothing funny about it. Period.

    You think I’m an asshole… fine… you can think that.

    If I “stayed on message”?

    What the fuck do you think… if someone posts at a site they simply MUST be “on message”?

    What is YOUR message?

    “Mocking the news media is fair game though”

    Mocking a media who followed a story of a potential 6 year-old in danger?

    What’s your fucking point?

  77. 77
    Chester Dogget says:

    Wasn’t this in the twelve monkeys?

  78. 78
    PeakVT says:

    Every time there is a story like Balloon Boy I thank FSM that I don’t have a teevee.

  79. 79
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Loneoak: Ha! You win. You made me laugh with your punctuational humor.

    @Demo Woman: I agree. I myself thought it was a bunch of horseshit for the news to follow this story so compulsively. I am glad the boy is safe. However, did Yahoo really have to have it as the top story the whole fucking afternoon? I don’t think so.

  80. 80

    @Loneoak:

    David is just precious. He is convinced that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth is a reptile that eats live hamsters (a la the mini series) in her spare time. I feel for his family. David Icke is Britain’s Orly Taitz.

  81. 81
    Michael Gass says:

    Fencedude,

    As an ex-cop, I had to follow situations over several hours.

    Do you wish to diminish those hours because the media simply followed it?

    Do you deem situations on whether the outcome is one way and not another regardless of circumstance?

  82. 82
    handy says:

    Shorter Michael Gass:

    Leave Balloon Boy ALOOOOOOONE!!!11!!1!

  83. 83
    Michael Gass says:

    shorter handy…

    “let me be an ass and how you dare call me out for it… waaaaaaa”

  84. 84
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Heh. That’s funny. It just gave the stew a little more flavor!

    @LD50: I second this. Michael Gass is a much better person than I am because he can weep salty, liquid tears over the potential disappearance of a boy who I knew was not in that damn balloon the entire time it was happening, and he had never been.

  85. 85
    khead says:

    Just in case Mr. Gass isn’t a spoof let me be the first to say…

    Bless your fucking concerned heart, Mr. Gass.

    khead +8

  86. 86
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @freelancer:

    Does Jon Stewart still take Fridays off? If so, goddamnit!

    In some ways, I think it works out best when surreal situations like Balloon Boy happen on a Thursday. It gives them more time to really unload on the inanity of the media.

    I will enjoy it while this one marinates.

    @JasonF:

    My favorite tweet:

    YO FALCON, IM HAPPY FOR YOU & IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT RUSSELL FROM UP WAS THE BEST

    This is amazing. Also.

    @kommrade reproductive vigor:

    CONCERN. It’s what’s for dinner.

    Man, this thread is full of win.

  87. 87
    Morbo says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: I’d love to get him and Lyndon Larouche together in a room; they could both be very enlightening for each other.

  88. 88
    Michael Gass says:

    asiangrrlMN,

    I may BE a better person.

    I care. Period.

    Having been a cop, I know that cases resolve themselves differently… but… until they do… I still cared.

    If you don’t, or others… yes… I guess I am better than you are if you don’t care.

  89. 89

    @Michael Gass:

    Michael, Michael, bless your heart, the puppies were rescued from the abandoned well, the baby was found sleeping under the blankets, the kid was found safe in a box in the attic, if you are going to get this deranged over a happy ending story I sure as shit would not like to be around you when the missing child turns up dead in a shallow grave in the woods cause damn dude, you have got some issues.

  90. 90
    handy says:

    @Michael Gass:

    You slay me, sir. No, really.

  91. 91
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Michael Gass: You care. Period. Good for you. So do I. Period. Like I said, I am glad the boy is fine. You, however, are a grade-A asshole, so I do not care for you.

    Oh, and if it helps your fragile ego to smugly look down your nose on everyone else for not being as goddamn sensitive as you are, then that’s fine, too. Period.

  92. 92
    DougJ says:

    As an ex-cop, I had to follow situations over several hours.

    And I’m sure you never laughed about any of them.

  93. 93
    Demo Woman says:

    @asiangrrlMN: Michael is the only person in the whole wide world that felt bad for the six year old in the balloon.. Maybe he can go look for Chandra Levy’s killer.

  94. 94
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    DougJ +4

    Damn Dougj, how many nights this week? Hope we don’t have to dry you out. them spiders are hell, some have wings.

  95. 95
    Michael Gass says:

    Litlebritdifrnt,

    Oh yes… bring your condensation.

    I have issues BECAUSE I care how a situation plays itself out?

    YOU have issues if you are going to sit here and play condensation games.

    You think caring is bad? You think waiting to see how a situation resolves itself is bad? You think you can sit and be like this when you have probably never had to BE in this position?

    Who the fuck do you think you are?

  96. 96
    Loneoak says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Okay Michael, let’s consider why the media had field day with this particular 6-year-old and not other 6-year-olds that die in mundane ways. By my interpretation, they spent an entire day fretting about this 6-year-old because it was possible that he would be terribly injured or killed in a spectacularly weird and public disaster that would draw viewers. Meanwhile they ignored the health care system that kills poor children every day. If you think that I am a bad person for engaging in dark humor about that incredibly stupid and cruel situation, but are willing to pass on judgment of the news editors that wallowed in the family’s suffering all afternoon, then I submit to the BJ community that you are a concern trolling twit.

  97. 97
  98. 98
    Michael Gass says:

    Dougj,

    No… I didn’t laugh at situations where 6 year-olds were involved.

    EVER.

    You can take your condensation elsewhere as well.

  99. 99
    Demo Woman says:

    @Michael Gass: Actually some of us have been in that position, so don’t go there..
    What is your problem? Who made you god that you can be so judgmental?

  100. 100
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    Having been a cop,…

    See, there’s where you go off the rails. I worked in an ER with physicians and nurses, and I’ve known my share of ambulance techs and cops. Everyone has a dark sense of humor that is hidden when the regular folks are around. Look at the humor that comes out of the military.

    Journalists are like that too. I bet a dime to a dozen donuts that the CNN folks were cracking wise when they were off the air. Jon Stewart just gets to do it live.

    Yeah, it would have sucked if the kid died. But he didn’t. so spare the sanctimony.

    And please remember that dark humor is what keeps us sane when we have to deal with shit like the Willingham story, or a tragic loss of life.

  101. 101
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    OH boy. A Balloon Boy Flame War. Has to be a first.

  102. 102
    Ash Can says:

    I commented on this in the last thread, and that’s enough. Bottle Rocket may have had his moments, but he’s never made national headlines. And that’s a good thing.

  103. 103
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Having been a cop, I know that cases resolve themselves differently… but… until they do… I still cared.

    My word, you were a cop? That’s certainly news to me. I would have never known that piece of information about you since you mention it in almost every single fucking post you write. I really can’t believe I’m just hearing that for the first time. What are the fucking odds that in a post by Michael Glass, he would mention that he was a former police officer?

    Seriously, that is like Haley’s Comet or something, it’s so rare.

  104. 104
    Michael Gass says:

    Why Loneoak?

    Because it was breaking. Because it was a potential 6-year old 1000 ft in the air. And they had VIDEO of it.

    Most times… they come in at the end… here… it was IN PROGRESS.

    That shouldn’t make people be angry… or ignorant.. or unfeeling.

  105. 105
    Morbo says:

    Interesting, I’m doing an experiment at work to test the effects of condensation on sealed and unsealed thermistors. Except the temperature has gone down outside and so has the humidity. DougJ and Litlebritdifrnt, you’re welcome to bring me your condensation.

  106. 106

    @Michael Gass:

    Actually my AC is turned to about 75 right now so I have no condensation issues at all, I am however grateful for your concern. I think therefore I am, I’m pink therefore I’m spam.

  107. 107
    DougJ says:

    You can take your condensation elsewhere as well.

    I like the way you think and you’re stealing from my own playbook, FWIW, but condensation for condescension is just a little too obvious. A good effort, but a little over the edge.

  108. 108
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Oh yes… bring your condensation condescension.

    fixed.

  109. 109
    khead says:

    Condensation? This isn’t a fucking basement.

    Edit: Khead +8.5

  110. 110
    Loneoak says:

    @Michael Gass:
    Oh yes… bring your condensation.

    Oh snap! You did not just accuse Litlbritdifrnt of being water vapor that comes in contact with a cooler surface and phase shifts into water! You got a mouth on you, old man.

  111. 111
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    You can take your condensation elsewhere as well.

    That’s like shoving a five pound pile of shit into a 2 pound sack. I knew I knew that.

  112. 112
    Michael Gass says:

    aurguingwithsignposts,

    Geez… now it’s whether people have a DARK sense of humor… gods.

    I walked minefields in Iraq. You think bomb techs didn’t have a dark sense of humor?

    We simply didn’t carry that sense of humor to 6 year-olds in possible danger.

  113. 113
    LD50 says:

    Michael, you’ve told us you were a cop three times. Why do you feel the need to tell us that over and over?

  114. 114
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @khead:

    Edit: Khead +8.5

    Holy shit!

    @Litlebritdifrnt:

    Win!

  115. 115

    @Michael Gass:

    So you didn’t laugh when a six year old was playing the lobster in the nativity play at the local elementary school? Or perhaps when said six year old said “my mummy said you are fat, why is that” you didn’t laugh then? Really?

  116. 116
    LD50 says:

    @Michael Gass:

    You can take your condensation elsewhere as well.

    Jeez, quit raining on our parade!

  117. 117
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Michael Gass: Hey, how’s that pie?

  118. 118
    Michael Gass says:

    oooooo…

    Loneoak thinks I have a mouth…

    “young man”?????

    hardly.

    I’ve earned every year of my age… and it isn’t young.

  119. 119
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    Condensation? This isn’t a fucking basement.

    It’s like rain on your wedding day, I think. Or pissing into the wind.

  120. 120
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    Gass, I’m sorry for you, really. Look, I have three kids – 9, 7 and 5. I wouldn’t find ANY humor in the situation if one of them were missing. HOWEVER, if they were found safe and out of harm’s way, and there were some reason to have a funny, then, yeah, there would be some reason to laugh. I’d want them to laugh because it would eat them up otherwise.

    6-year-olds do some funny stuff. There’s a whole whose about it that you might have heard of called America’s Funniest Home Videos.

    Sanctimony is unbecoming.

  121. 121
    calling all toasters says:

    OMG, Michael Gass is GHW Bush! “Message: I care.”

    We are honored by your presence, Mr. President.

  122. 122

    @Michael Gass:

    Bomb disposal expert t-shirt “I am a bomb disposal expert, if you see me running try to keep up”

    Nice try “Michael” but you are getting a bit OTT here, next thing you will be telling us is that you had to walk up hill both ways in the snow to get in YOUR balloon.

  123. 123
    Michael Gass says:

    and.. arguingwithsignposts… when did you sit there making jokes when you were told a 6 year-old could be incoming with serious injuries?

    Hmmm?

    You want to talk about “dark humor”…

    Did you make jokes as people in your ER died?

  124. 124
    khead says:

    Make it 9. I am not a boozer I swear. My wife just makes sorry drinks. :)

    And I’m still laughing about the kid in the barn. Oh wait…..

  125. 125
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    NOBODY DIED, FUCKWIT!

  126. 126
    superluminar says:

    superluniar +14
    We are all Rush Limbaugh now.

  127. 127
    Michael Gass says:

    yes Litlebritdifrnt…

    I’m a military trained Explosive Ordnance Disposal specialist… ie… bomb tech…

    When I left the military, I went law enforcement…

    Yes, I walked minefields in Iraq…

    Yes, I worked with the Secret Service…

    Care to know anything else you think you can sneer at?

    Because I have all the certs and docs to shove your nose up your fucking asshole

  128. 128
    Fern says:

    Edited for redundancy

  129. 129
  130. 130
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    @Michael Gass:

    You want to talk about “dark humor”…
    Did you make jokes as people in your ER died?

    You are some kind of drama queen dude. Lighten up already. We all live everyday a heartbeat away from The Big Chill. Happy endings are to be celebrated, not grinding our teeth to “what if”/

  131. 131

    @Michael Gass:

    Michael, Michael bless your heart, you see anyone who has ever been in the medical or legal or law enforcement professions knows that what keeps them sane is the “dark humor” of which you speak, they see such incredibly, utterly, evil things in their life the only thing that keeps them sane is that “dark humor” if you had spent one nano-second of your life in law enforcement (and reading private soldier magazine while encased in your parents basement does not count just wanted to point that out) you would know that.

  132. 132
    DougJ says:

    Gass, I’m sorry for you, really. Look, I have three kids – 9, 7 and 5. I wouldn’t find ANY humor in the situation if one of them were missing. HOWEVER, if they were found safe and out of harm’s way, and there were some reason to have a funny, then, yeah, there would be some reason to laugh. I’d want them to laugh because it would eat them up otherwise.

    Exactly.

  133. 133
    Demo Woman says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: Tis not worth it. If he’s not a spoof, (fill in the blank)

  134. 134
    Minionero says:

    @Michael Gass

    You know what’s really funny?

    Your name!

    Hee hee!

  135. 135
    handy says:

    All you people who complain about BOB filling these threads…I bet you feel bad now, dontcha.

  136. 136
    Michael Gass says:

    Dougj,

    The cops that tracked that balloon didn’t make jokes.

    The helicopters didn’t make jokes.

    The people making jokes are here…

    And… they are wrong for doing it.

  137. 137
  138. 138
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Wait wait wait — Balloon Juice? Hot Air? Gass?

    I get it!

    SD <— first to crack the code

  139. 139
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    @Corner Stone:

    Pull my finger, see what happens.

  140. 140
    calling all toasters says:

    I think Michael Gass is way more fun than BoB. It’s too bad that BoB isn’t a parody.@handy:

    All you people who complain about BOB filling these threads…I bet you feel bad now, dontcha.

    Oh hells no. Gass is a gas, man!

  141. 141
    Minionero says:

    Michael Gass = DougJ! The original spoofer!

  142. 142
    Demo Woman says:

    Michael spent hours of his life watching the story on FOX tv and now realizes that he’s been snookered. He is now taking out his frustration on us. The whole line about I cared about Balloon boy more than you shows some basic insecurities though.

  143. 143
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    The helicopters didn’t make jokes.

    If that’s not a tag, I don’t know what is.

  144. 144
    handy says:

    @calling all toasters:

    Different strokes for different folks, as they say but to me, tedious concern troll is very tediously concerned.

    Edit: Awww dammit, just saw arguingwithsignpost’s comment. The farce is strong with this one.

  145. 145

    @Michael Gass:

    You lie sir, I can bet you any amount of money that the cops did make jokes, I can bet you the ER folks made jokes, I can bet you the National Guard made jokes, WHY? Cause that is what human beings do, and I can bet that your entire experience with “law enforcement” is based upon your reading and re-reading several issues of “True Crime” magazine. Be gone troll!

  146. 146
    calling all toasters says:

    @Minionero: I vote Cole.

  147. 147
    calling all toasters says:

    @handy: Aw, I bet you didn’t think Margaret Dumont was funny, either.

  148. 148
    khead says:

    How can we be sure the helicopters didn’t make jokes?

  149. 149
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @khead:

    Well, at +9, we never can be sure, can we. ;D

  150. 150
    Notgiven says:

    You all might benefit from reading http://www.lastingliberty.com. Has some useful info on current issues and political philosophy.

  151. 151
    Michael Gass says:

    Litlebritdifrnt,

    You call me a liar.

    You think I can’t back it up? That I don’t have the documents to prove it?

    Fine.

    Dougj… give me your email address… I will scan my documents… send them to you… and prove that Litlebritdifrnt is an idiot.

    Period.

    Because I DO have the documents… and I CAN back up everything I say.

    So… give me the address Dougj… I will relish you saying “ok… he does have them”.

  152. 152
    Demo Woman says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Well just damn, he even got under my skin and I bet you are right.

  153. 153
    Minionero says:

    There is absolutely NOTHING funny about a boy named Falcon pretending to be lifted into the sky by his dad’s homemade flying saucer, and having all the news networks cover it like it was OJ part deux.

    In all seriousness: Would the kid have even survived the balloon ride, given the condensation prevalent at high altitudes?

  154. 154
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @arguingwithsignposts:

    @Michael Gass:
    The helicopters didn’t make jokes.

    If that’s not a tag, I don’t know what is.

    I whole-heartedly second that motion. The new tag for media absurdity. And gross concern trolling?

    +5

  155. 155
    Calouste says:

    Can the resident spoof drop this Michael Grass character and bring Brick Oven Bill back? thnxbi

  156. 156
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    DougJ, I say call his b.s. I don’t care whether he’s got “law enforcement” experience or whether he’s walked among the land mines. He’s got no sense of humor, which is a far greater tragedy than Balloon Boy, IMHO.

  157. 157
    handy says:

    @Midnight Marauder:

    A new internet tradition perhaps?

  158. 158
    jeffreyw says:

    I bet those peeps in the choppers chasin balloon boy was thinkin “we oughta hover over the balloon and force it down with the prop blast!” And then some poopy head prolly thought “but what if the balloon is caught in some kinda freak vortex and gets sucked into the rotors and shreds it and the boy gets chopped up and we all fall to the ground together into a jet fueled pyre!” and told em no way would he be a part of that. Then some CNN producer chimed in and said “wait till we get another chopper up there with a camera because it would be so cool if we could get a shot of that” and then they was all like you do the hoverin, man, and we’ll shoot and they said nuh uh we gonna be the camera guys and then it was all fuck you no fick you and nobody did diddly.

  159. 159
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    @Demo Woman:

    the helicopter quip was a big fat tell. I think it’s Cole too.

  160. 160
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Minionero:

    that is some seriously subtle snark. {golf clap}

  161. 161
    Martin says:

    Who invited the bomb-thrower?

    Today inspired me for when I become governor of Texas. Rather than lethal injection, we put our death row inmates in balloons and let them fly free. Texans can vote for guilt/innocence with their ammunition. The state saves all that money on trying to find a doctor who can find a vein, and the public gets some much needed target practice in preparation for the day when the Soviet paratroopers arrive. Further, the state can recoup the cost of the balloon by selling advertising on it.

    That’s not social!sm, baby.

  162. 162
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @handy:

    A new internet tradition perhaps?

    Hot damn, I think you just struck gold!

  163. 163
    Demo Woman says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: He’s going to prove this statement false by scanning some documents? How can that be? How many documents does he have? Where’s John?

  164. 164
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Michael Gass:

    I will relish you saying “ok… he does have them”.

    But what if he says something else?

  165. 165
  166. 166
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Demo Woman:

    I suspect some kerning from the 101st chairborne coming soon.

    And as an aside, JC has been suspiciously quiet this evening.

  167. 167
    Michael Gass says:

    Oh yes… PLEASE.. call my “BS”

    Because I WILL send you every document…

    My graduation documents from the Explosive Ordnance Disposal School

    My Appreciation Cert from when I was in Iraq in 1991

    My South Carolina Criminal Justice Academy document where I graduated… with honors…

    Oh yes… CALL MY BLUFF… and give me that email addy…

    Because I certainly can’t back up my statements…

  168. 168
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Ooooh, litlebritdifrnt, you’re in for it now. Bet you’re scared, eh?

  169. 169
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Morbo:

    and yet nobody has mentioned Hitler yet!

    …oops.

    This is good news for John McCain.

    AWS +5

  170. 170
    Michael Gass says:

    Demo Woman,

    I have so many documents that you’re head will spin…

    Call my bluff… I DARE dougj TO call my bluff….

  171. 171

    @Michael Gass:

    Oh gosh you are so precious! You really are, I just want to scritch your wittle headypoos, I really do. If I give Doug my e-mail addy (I think he already has it) I am guessing that you will e-mail me one of those neato “Private Detective” certificates and badges that can be had for just $19.95 plus shipping and handling from the ads at the back of “True Crime”, you are such a funny and precious troll, yes you are, “who’s a funny and precious troll?, you are, yes you are you pretty little thing”

  172. 172
    Martin says:

    I will scan my documents… send them to you…

    Send them to Cole instead. Dougj is a kerning expert and Cole will forget to check for the long form.

  173. 173
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    My South Carolina Criminal Justice Academy document where I graduated… with honors…

    Okay, so the South Carolina bit shows your hand. That state is insane. How you even have access to the Intertubes is beyond me, and why you bother with people who are obviously totally opposite in viewpoint is just … well, it’s wrong. Isn’t there some Lindsay Graham tea party you can crash or a confederate general store you need to shop at or something?

  174. 174

    @SiubhanDuinne:

    My timbers have never been so shivered, I am so scared, I tell you.

  175. 175
    Minionero says:

    Gass has got more documents than a bible’s got psalms.

  176. 176
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    I have so many documents that you’re head will spin…

    grammar fail, and it sounds like Orly Taitz is trolling.

  177. 177
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @jeffreyw 11:56 pm

    That is just pure win.

  178. 178
    calling all toasters says:

    Folks, I think we are in the presence of near-greatness. Michael Gass is the greatest blend of concern and parody troll since Floyd Alvis Cooper.

    Please Lord, let it not be Cole.

  179. 179
    Michael Gass says:

    Fine… I will send them to John Cole instead…

    Dougj… let him know they are coming… because I will tell WHY he is receiving them…

  180. 180
    Demo Woman says:

    @Michael Gass: LOL
    Thanks for the laughs.

  181. 181
    Michael Gass says:

    I use my name here… my name is on all the certs… all the docs… so… I’m not releasing anything more than I state, or that I have already using my real name…

  182. 182

    @Michael Gass:

    Please let John post them, every last delicious page, just so us DFHs can be put in our place. PLEASE!

  183. 183
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Fine… I will send them to John Cole instead…

    Dougj… let him know they are coming… because I will tell WHY he is receiving them…

    I can picture Cole’s reaction. (face/palm): “not this shit again”

    Sorry, JC.

  184. 184
    JR (not the other JR) says:

    I call Poe’s Law on Michael Gass. Offering up documents as proof? Can we check the kerning?

    Wasn’t this whole story pretty much the plot to “99 Luftballons”, anyway?

  185. 185
    Michael Gass says:

    I can picture it too…

    “you had to send them why????”

    Oh… right… because idiots reside on your blog…

  186. 186
    fuddmain says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Please be sure to include your birth certificate. The original, please.

  187. 187

    You know we are all entitled to throw our toys out of the pram every now and again but this is ridiculous.

  188. 188
    Demo Woman says:

    @fuddmain: Only the long form of the birth certificate is accepted though ..

  189. 189
    Michael Gass says:

    no Litlebritdifrnt…

    YOU are going to be exposed as an idiot… because I DO have every cert… every doc… to back EVERY claim I said…

    And… I am going to scan each one… and then send them.. to John Cole’s email…

    You simply picked the wrong fight with the wrong person… because I CAN back it up.

  190. 190
    trollhattan says:

    FWIW I’m using this episode to teach my 7Y.O. to keep her mitts off of daddy’s goddamn backyard balloon, so don’t blow this teachable moment, m’kay?

    Carry on. +750ml zin.

  191. 191
    Demo Woman says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Funny though. Your mom’s cooking sounds interesting.

  192. 192
    Corner Stone says:

    @General Winfield Stuck: I’m guessing nothing much different than your usual contribution here.

  193. 193
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    YOU are going to be exposed as an idiot… because I DO have every cert… every doc… to back EVERY claim I said…

    including the claim that you have no sense of humor? Because that seems to be the basis for this whole kerfuffle.

  194. 194
    LD50 says:

    @Notgiven:

    You all might benefit from reading http://www.lastingliberty.com. Has some useful info on current issues and political philosophy.

    Well, that reconfirms my theory that only rightwing nuts ever use the word ‘liberty’ these days.

  195. 195
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    You know . . . I haven’t seen a sign of Tunch around these parts for ever such a long tim.

  196. 196
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @trollhattan:

    Not to be totally OT here, but I’m wishing I had a uname like “The Goddam Batman wouldn’t let his kids near the weather balloon either, you fuckers” just for the S, N! reference.

  197. 197
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    @Corner Stone:

    Oh… right… because idiots reside on your blog…

    It’s for corner stone.

  198. 198
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    tim = time

  199. 199
    Demo Woman says:

    @arguingwithsignposts: Suppose that instead of demo woman, my real moniker was Beck, what would I say now? We are all snookers now? I’m not sure that’s what he would say but it suits me fine. lol

  200. 200
    Michael Gass says:

    What.. worried now???

    Attacking humor…. anything????

    LMAO… I’ll do the docs tomorrow… John will get them sometime tomorrow.

    You can sit here and quantify all you want… it doesn’t change my qualifications… or the documents I have to back me.

    Only that you overplayed your hand…

  201. 201
    Ed Marshall says:

    Abrasive, can’t spell, emotional problems, I really don’t think this guy needs paperwork to prove he worked in law enforcement…

  202. 202
    calling all toasters says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Wait, you’re saying Michael Gass is Tunch? That would explain the surliness, I guess.

  203. 203
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Demo Woman:

    Or how about “we surround you”?

  204. 204
    LD50 says:

    @General Winfield Stuck:

    the helicopter quip was a big fat tell. I think it’s Cole too.

    In retrospect, the ‘condensation’ line was the first big hint. We should have known then.

  205. 205
    JenJen says:

    Geraldo!!

    Damn, DougJ, you’ve been on a Blog Post Title roll lately!

    ETA: @kommrade reproductive vigor: LMFAO!

  206. 206
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Only that you overplayed your hand…

    hahahahahahahaha!

    seriously. You’re engaged with blog commenters here. WE HAVE NO HAND! LOL!

  207. 207
    Michael Gass says:

    no… ruguingwithsignposts…

    YOU have no hand here… you post… period.

    I’m going to send copies of every document I own to John Cole… backing every claim of who I am… what I’ve done…

    YOU have nothing backing you.

    What I am sending proves everything I’ve done since 1986

  208. 208
    LD50 says:

    If Michael’s guilty of anything, it’s of caring too much.

  209. 209

    @Michael Gass:

    You see there is no “wrong fight” with the “wrong person” on the internet cause you know there are no consequences, I can sit here all night just like the famous cartoon puts it and say “someone is wrong on the internet!” and yet it will not matter worth a jot, you are a mere blip on the horizon of life, your opinion matters less to me than the opinion of my cat, (who is much more vocal and coherent by the way), you are an annoying pimple on the backside of the internet as a whole. When I finish my drink and go to my bed I will think nothing more of you, rather you will be perhaps an annoying “tick” where I will think “did I bother with that thing?” long after I have removed it and placed it in the trash can. However, you are a precious troll Michael, one that needs to be preserved, pickled if you will, in the pantry that is Balloon Juice, for us to take out periodically and say “ooooooh troll pickles, would go nice with some ripe cheese” right now. Bless him.

  210. 210
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    @LD50:

    Yes, I agree, specially since he kept repeating it. Quite the entertaining thread it’s been.

  211. 211
    calling all toasters says:

    @Ed Marshall: Win.

  212. 212
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @calling all toasters 12:23 am

    Yes, the surliness was what finally convinced me. Well, that plus the mirthful sense of self-deprication. And the condensation.

  213. 213
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    I’m going to send copies of every document I own to John Cole… backing every claim of who I am… what I’ve done…

    Seriously, dude, why? what does that prove. That you’ve called b.s. on some commenter on a blog? What does that prove?

    If you want to roll out your entire life history, that’s your prerogative, but seriously, WTF? Let it roll off, man. Stop being like Sobchak (“This will not stand!”) as if that proves anything.

    You’re wrong on the *issue* at hand, and it doesn’t matter what documents you send, the *issue* wrongness will stand. Just admit it and move on.

    (I know, I’m feeding the troll)

  214. 214
    inkadu says:

    Re: Hillary the Reptile… I hear Hillary Clinton’s name was floated as a possible lead for the re-make of V.

    Mouse sashimi, please. I’ll take it whole. And alive. Hold the rice. What will my husband have? WHAT WILL MY HUSBAND HAVE? I”M NOT MY HUSBAND! WHY DON”T YOU ASK HIM! *snarf gorf crunchle belch* Whew. I always get full on the appetizers.

  215. 215
    Demo Woman says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Wahoo! I just erased a comment that Michael, aka, was assuming that we cared what he did since 1986 and you stated it perfectly. Thanks.

  216. 216
    eemom says:

    good heavens….I stop by for some late night humor and find a new troll has taken over the place.

  217. 217
    DougJ says:

    If Michael’s guilty of anything, it’s of caring too much.

    Ha.

    What is that from?

  218. 218
    Michael Gass says:

    Litlebritditnrnt,

    YOU called me a liar… NOW you are backtracking????

    Why??? Are you afraid I MIGHT have the documents? I do.

    Oh… yes… I do.

    You see… I can back it. I will. With your statements… it is YOU who has the credibility problem… but… not yet.

    I will send the docs tomorrow. THEN… you will have the credibility problem… because you called me a liar…

  219. 219
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    @DougJ:

    Stuart Smalley?

  220. 220
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Oh… yes… I do.

    this … is … definitely … a … troll.

  221. 221
  222. 222
    Demo Woman says:

    @DougJ: The Office?

  223. 223
    Michael Gass says:

    and when you are proven wrong… aurguingwithsignposts… will you admit it?

    LOL… I doubt it…

    I foresee you running away…

  224. 224
    Mark S. says:

    Is . . . William . . . Shatner . . . trolling . . . here?

  225. 225
    calling all toasters says:

    @DougJ: Pontius Pilate?

  226. 226
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Doodz, this has been a big slice of awesome, but I have to go to bed now. Sleep well.

  227. 227
    LD50 says:

    @DougJ: Homer Simpson said it once, tho I’ve always thought of it as a standby cliche from daytime shows like Oprah or Ellen Degeres.

  228. 228
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    @Michael Gass:

    and when you are proven wrong… aurguingwithsignposts… will you admit it?

    dude, where am I going to be proven wrong? Are you going to show me your original certificate of live sense of humor? I never questioned your “law enforcement” bona fides. I just think you’re an idiot and a concern troll. Those are opinions, btw, which can’t be proven by your documents. But go ahead and send away. I’ll look at them and see if they change my *opinion*

  229. 229
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Mark S.:

    Is . . . William . . . Shatner . . . trolling . . . here?

    And circle gets the square! This is by far the best late night thread I’ve seen in a while.

  230. 230
    Demo Woman says:

    @LD50: I love The Office.

  231. 231
    Will says:

    @Michael Gass:

    You forgot about the Navy Seals. And the Green Berets. And that leper you cured in New Delhi.

  232. 232
    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal) says:

    Isn’t this Michael Gass Mikey Assgas just a precious lil’ troll! He makes you just want to hug him and squeeze him and pinch his chubby little rosy red cheeks! His outrage is soooo cute to see! You can tell his panties are twisted in knots, can’t you hear them tearing? Are you deaf?! You people have crossed the line!! I can tell this as his posts are now just dripping with condensation for you cretins. Are you blind?! Recognize his superior manliness and bravery, his putting his life on the line for us undeserving and worthless slugs! Bow to his superior knowledge and moral stance! Not only is he is aware of all internet traditions but he actually follows them! You all pale in comparison to the brilliant shining light this perfect man is.

    We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!

    I blog at docudharma.com

    Shorter Michael Gass Mikey Assgas: I yell a lot about shit, listen to me!

    No shit and no way. But keep up the outrage, I am really enjoying the show. Oh, and Yell Louder!

    Also, ubetcha.

  233. 233
    Mark S. says:

    Must . . . repair . . . energizer . . .

    Must . . . save . . . Balloon . . . Boy . . .

    Damn . . . it . . . Scotty . . . Are . . . You . . . Laughing . . .

  234. 234
    Demo Woman says:

    @LD50: It might be an old saying but I’m pretty sure that it was used on the Office about Michael Scott.

  235. 235
    Michael Gass says:

    arguingwithsignposts,

    Oh wait.. NOW you aren’t arguing my bonofides…

    Just that I don’t have a sense of humor

    Is that because you got the clue I DO have the bonofides?

    That I’m not afraid to provide them?

    And so… you go… “you have no sense of humor”

    You’re toast… period… those behind you… are toast… you can try to redirect… but you put it out there… and I will respond.

    You can’t back out now

  236. 236
    Marked Hoosier says:

    Greatest. Thread. Evah.

    Now I wanna go scan stuff and email it to Cole.

  237. 237
    Michael Gass says:

    Will…

    LOL… did I? sorry…

    Do the research yourself. Navy SEALS send people to EOD school. As do Army Rangers. As do Marine Recon.

    What? You thought EOD school wasn’t elite? sorry… it is…

    Do your research before you try to impune.

  238. 238
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Mark S.:

    Must . . . repair . . . energizer . . .
    Must . . . save . . . Balloon . . . Boy . . .
    Damn . . . it . . . Scotty . . . Are . . . You . . . Laughing . . .

    You wouldn’t think a thread would just be hitting its high point past midnight on the east coast–especially on a Thursday night.

    And yet, here we are.

  239. 239
    Demo Woman says:

    @Marked Hoosier: We can all scan stuff to Cole now. I’m feeling empowered.

  240. 240
    Little Macayla's Friend says:

    @DougJ:
    M. Gasspoof has been been truly inspirational, the troll-hardened troops heroic, and I myself no longer fear death.
    /the pizza guy was still weird enough, but no fire left in the belly.

  241. 241
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Michael Gass:

    You’re toast… period… those behind you… are toast…

    “Jim, you’re six eleven and you weigh ninety pounds, Gumby has a better body than you. Boom, roasted. Dwight, you’re a kiss-ass. Boom, roasted. Pam, you failed art school. Boom, roasted. Meredith, you’ve slept with so many guys you’re starting to look like one. Boom, roasted. Kevin, I can’t decide between a fat joke or a dumb joke. Boom, roasted.”

  242. 242
    Michael Gass says:

    I doubt you have a cert from the NAVSCOLEOD…

    Or from the SCCJA…

    Or a cert from being in Iraq…

    do you?

    No?

    Didn’t think you could match my certs…

  243. 243
    Martin says:

    Now I wanna go scan stuff and email it to Cole.

    I do too. It’d be more entertaining if there was some assurance that it’d make it onto the site though, or at least an accounting of what he received.

  244. 244
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Didn’t think you could match my certs…

    Well shit. We’ll all git out our certs and measure “em.

  245. 245
    Michael Gass says:

    so… scan it… scan what you got…

    Come on… you want to deride what I have… what do YOU have?

    Truly.,.. every single one of you.. what do YOU have?

  246. 246
    Midnight Marauder says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Truly.,.. every single one of you.. what do YOU have?

    ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

    +8

  247. 247
    Michael Gass says:

    right.. you deride like some right-wing asshole… is that all you got????

    To act like the birthers… the tenters… here… on this blog?

  248. 248
    AaronWA says:

    I am so very pleased with this thread.

    Gass is awesome.

  249. 249
    Demo Woman says:

    @Martin: We’re all 6 years old lost in a balloon now and it’s important to document the experience and send it to the Great Balloon in the sky known as Balloon Juice.

  250. 250
    Martin says:

    Truly.,.. every single one of you.. what do YOU have?

    I have a certificate that definitively states that I’m the worlds greatest dad – so suck it, all of you lesser dads.

  251. 251
    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal) says:

    NOW you aren’t arguing my bonofides…

    You worked with Bono?! Wow, you are truly exceptional!!

  252. 252
    AaronWA says:

    I am a certified voter! Also a certified driver. And a certified organ donor.

  253. 253
    Michael Gass says:

    LOL… I’m sure you do, Martin… and the others can suck it…

    Truly,… as you all be assholes… what do you bring to the table?

    Have you been there… done it? Hardly.,.. you all are nothing more than dicks…

  254. 254
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    got????

    4 question marks.

  255. 255
    Demo Woman says:

    @Michael Gass: So now we are all Cheney’s. Thanks Liz or should I call you Mary?

  256. 256
    calling all toasters says:

    @Demo Woman: Cat butts are always welcome, or so I’m told.

  257. 257
    Will says:

    @Michael Gass:

    One thing I’ve learned about impressive people: they never go into chatrooms to brag about it.

  258. 258
    General Winfield Stuck says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Well I’m just speechless. So it’s off to Planet Libtard to see what I got. NIght all. Night crazy spoof person.:-)

  259. 259
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Michael Gass 1:11 am

    I. Am. Not. A. Dick.

    Dammit.

  260. 260
    Midnight Marauder says:

    Truly.,.. every single one of you.. what do YOU have?

    Just to bring this whole crazy train back together…

    Balloon Boy Lets the Cat Out of the Balloon, Admits Hoax

    In response to his dad’s question about why he didn’t come out of the box even though he heard his parents shouting, Falcon said, “You guys said that we did this for the show.” To which Balloon Dad immediately responded, “Man.” Then Balloon Mom chimed in with a shaky “No.”

  261. 261
    justinslot says:

    Man, Balloon Juice is the last place I thought I would find a thread sucking the fun out of Balloon Boy.

  262. 262
    DougL (frmrly: Conservatively Liberal) says:

    … can suck it…
     
    … assholes…
     
    … dicks…

    What are you saying Michael Gass Mikey Assgas? That you like sucking assholes or dicks? Or are you telling us that you like chocolate on your p-nisbutter?

    Inquiring minds want to know. Stand and deliver!

  263. 263
    cdmarine says:

    This thread is AWE. SOME.

  264. 264
    Common Sense says:

    @Demo Woman:

    What is your problem? Who made you god that you can be so judgmental?

    Umm he’s an ex cop?

  265. 265
    Elizabelle says:

    I missed 99% of the Balloon Boy saga, but talk about cable falling for something bright and shiny. (Although it was horrifying to think of a small boy falling from the balloon.)

    Did anyone post Andy Borowitz on the subject?

    Millions of Americans Waste Entire Fucking Afternoon

    Balloon Boy to America: Punk’d!

    http://www.borowitzreport.com/

  266. 266
    Beauzeaux says:

    @justinslot: You know, I there’s a great (or possibly terrible) joke to be found in that phrase you just used, “sucking the fun out of Balloon Boy,” but I’m not drunk enough to find it.

  267. 267
    WyldPiratd says:

    Everyone…just leave Michael Gass…..allloooooonnnnne..*sob*..*sob* Can’t you see that he just reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly cares…*rending of hair and garments*

    He…he…his offering to proooooove it to you meannnnnnnnn bastards who would joke about a poor child….unnh, unnh..he’s gonna work up a condensation copying and mailin stuff to Jahnnnnnnnnnn.

    Why do you peeeeeeeple….hate our double american treasure of a hero Michael Gass whooo…uh who…puts his life on the line for you fighting eeeevil Muslims abroad and the darkies in South kerliner.

    Why don’t you handless fuckers kayeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr????

  268. 268
  269. 269
    Tattoosydney says:

    @Mark S.:

    Is . . . William . . . Shatner . . . trolling . . . here?

    Shit. I likes me some ellipsis, but after reading the Gassmeister’s postings, I am never using them again.

  270. 270
    Fencedude says:

    Fuck, I go play a game and the thread turns awesome.

    Fuck you Gass!

  271. 271
    Blue Raven says:

    Oh, BRILLIANT. Loving this thread.

    PS- Gass? Everything you’ve done sine 1986? Please tell me you’re a virgin, or that email’s gonna be porntastic.

  272. 272
    Fencedude says:

    Cole’s gonna look at his mail in the morning and go “what the fuck!?”

  273. 273
    Loneoak says:

    @Michael Gass:

    Someone should introduce Michael to Editor Korir. He has a liking for obscure documents that prove things.

  274. 274
    Ruckus says:

    I go away for an hour and miss this? What the hell is wrong with me that I don’t care enough? Why do I think this whole thing is funny as shit?
    Did anyone question that the boy wanted to run away and the balloon was handy but he chickened out? I mean dad’s a loon so running away….

    Gass states he was in law enforcement. Like in jail? Like he attended the first day of cop school before they kicked him out for caring too much? Or for not having a clue. Of any kind.

    hilarious and +0

  275. 275

    I know an EOD with LE also, MG his sense of humor is twisted and actually pretty funny.

    Dude, I’m certainly not going to send any certs to prove that I’ve had an interesting life. For one, people go like, “Do what???” or “Ohhh c’mon.” Besides, your statements stand or fall on their own merits, not that you’ve seen horrible things. A lot of people have seen those things or had them happen in their life.

    Damn dude, there were more than enough clues that there was no kid in that balloon. No door or hatch or opening of any kind in the shiny truncated cone on the bottom, the thing listed a all over the place despite supposedly having the rather consequential ballast of a kid, the helium leaked out and one side deflated despite that ballast, blah, blah. And finally, there was no one in it after they wacked hell out of it with shovels and relieved people tend to laugh.

    I may have a bit of an odd perspective on my own life and death from having a semi-tractor trailer’s bumper miss my head by a couple inches in the back seat of a 67 Belaire the day before I was supposed to take my drivers test. As a cop maybe you can figure out why I missed it. I find it abosolutely hilarious that no intents, behaviors, participation, or any damn thing other than waking from a nap that had my head where the bumper went at 120 mph combined speed leaves me ornerly alive today 40 years later. All the noise, blood, and other associated mess has not a damn thing to do with anything other than that I find it ridiculous that I’m alive. Nothing amusing about that one moment in time, but damn funny stuff all told.

    The kid was fine, hiding in a box, experts looked at the damn thing and couldn’t figure it out and the media spent untold numbers of dollars covering an empty half-assed balloon project and saying stupid shit and that’s funny as hell. Really, guy, nobody cares if you’re a fucking astronaut or whatever but you will get fucked with for going off on jokes.

  276. 276
    Ruckus says:

    Shorter thread – Tonto to Lone Ranger “Man with no sense of humor like man with hemorrhoids. One can’t sit comfortable in life, one can’t sit comfortable on horse”

  277. 277
    Yutsano says:

    All I can think of after this whole affair of a thread is Robin Goodfellow’s final speech in A Midsummer Night’s Dream:

    If we shadows have offended,
    Think but this, and all is mended,
    That you have but slumber’d here
    While these visions did appear.
    And this weak and idle theme,
    No more yielding but a dream,
    Gentles, do not reprehend:
    if you pardon, we will mend:
    And, as I am an honest Puck,
    If we have unearned luck
    Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
    We will make amends ere long;
    Else the Puck a liar call;
    So, good night unto you all.
    Give me your hands, if we be friends,
    And Robin shall restore amends.

  278. 278

    The Bard spent a lot of time laughing out the side of his mouth

    much shorter version
    KMA if you don’t like it

  279. 279
    The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge says:

    Well, now that this thread has wound down, I’ve gotta say: I thought I had seen every type of troll there was, but this is a new one.

    A whiny, pussy-ass concern troll who suddenly turns into some belligerent macho “Respect mah authoritah!” asswipe who’s going to prove to us he has a right to tell us how to feel about something by e-mailing his “credentials” as an ex-cop bomb-disposal expert?

    Assuming Michael Gass is a real person—dude, nobody gives a shit what you’ve done for a living. If something’s funny, we’re going to laugh at it.

    Assuming he’s a parody troll—dude, anybody who could write something like this even in jest probably needs serious professional help.

    This whole episode is positively surreal. I hope if John or Doug get this lunatic’s “credentials” they will hold them up to general ridicule—maybe we can get him to spazz out completely and then laugh at that, demonstrating what unfeeling degenerate assholes we all are.

  280. 280
    rachel says:

    @Minionero:

    In all seriousness: Would the kid have even survived the balloon ride, given the condensation ⁁condescension prevalent at high altitudes?

    I know that because of my learnings.

  281. 281
    arguingwithsignposts says:

    You’re toast… period… those behind you… are toast… you can try to redirect… but you put it out there… and I will respond.

    You can’t back out now

    We surround you. Also.

    “Those behind you.” I can’t stop laughing.

  282. 282
    AkaDad says:

    I hope Michael Gass becomes a regular here, because I could really use a mentor to guide me on what is or isn’t funny.

  283. 283
    Cassidy says:

    @Michael Gass: Dude, you’re so wrapped up in ego now that you have forgotten to show concern for a 6 y/o for…lik….10 comments.

  284. 284
    valdivia says:

    this thread was incredible. too bad I only came to it this morning. my favorite bit was about the condensation. ftw.

  285. 285
    slightly_peeved says:

    My eulogy for my own mother had jokes in it. The woman knew I was a smartass; I started being one about 10 minutes after I came out, so I figured it’s what she would have wanted. The audience sure liked it.

    We’re all going to die someday, Michael, and we may as well enjoy the time we’ve got. I’ll laugh at death in others, I’ll laugh at death when it comes for me, and I hope others will laugh at me after I’ve gone. And I’ll sure as hell laugh at people so stupid they use comments on an internet messageboard as the measure of people they’ve never met.

    So thanks for the laugh, Michael.

  286. 286
    Grumpy Code Monkey says:

    @valdivia:

    Same here. Had I seen it unfold live, it would have been the perfect capper to a perfect 2 week vacation at WDW. The first use of “condensation” broke me up completely.

  287. 287
    chrome agnomen says:

    wow, pure win! glad i didn’t start this last night; i’d never have gotten any sleep. wonder if michael is related to lester gass, the midnight misogynist?

  288. 288
    matoko_chan says:

    Wow.
    That was epic.
    thank you all so much.

  289. 289
    asiangrrlMN says:

    Damn damn damn. Why the fuck did you all have to catch fire (oops, probably a bad thing to say in relations to the Balloon Boy) after I got pissy and left? I could have used the guffaws last night.

    Hm. I noticed that Gass Guy had nothing to say about my last post that I was glad the boy was fine. Period.

  290. 290
    Skepticat says:

    Bonofides and certs. Yup, he’s certifiable.
    What a textbook case of terminal insecurity.
    Too bad I missed all this last night, I think JC is totally whacked on meds and spoofing away.
    How are you feeling, John?

  291. 291
    Mister Colorful Analogy says:

    Late to the party; read this thread on the T on the way into work this morning. Seriously thought I might get tossed off a very quiet train because I kept choking back bursts of laughter.

    Thank you, Juicers of Great Snarkiness, and THANK…YOU…MISTER…GASS for a thread full-o-the win. Troll or not, this was a work of art. Bravo!

    *golf clap*

    Also.

  292. 292
    wobblybits says:

    wow.just.wow

  293. 293
    Sam says:

    Luckily for Falcon, the Balloon Boy moniker is so damn good I don’t think Barf Boy will supplant it.

    I’m generally a libertarian, individual rights kind of guy, but I think we need to suspend the ex post facto prohibition in the constitution and draft some kind of law to bust Dad– hoaxer or just plain idiot we can’t afford to wait for him to die in a comically tragic accident.

  294. 294
    South of I-10 says:

    Can’t believe I missed this last night. I am anxiously waiting for the Gassy documentation.

  295. 295
    batgirl says:

    @Michael Gass: I’ve been trying to ignore you but this comment is outrageous:

    when did you sit there making jokes when you were told a 6 year-old could be incoming with serious injuries?

    No one here is/was making jokes when the safety of Falcon was up in the air. (Couldn’t miss that one–I’m a horrible human being after all). He is safe with his family. This is all after the fact. It is not the same thing.

    And I don’t give a shit about your educational or job history. It doesn’t give you any right to be a shithead. (God, that felt so 4th-grade of me.)

    /Now back to ignoring Michael Gass

  296. 296
    Sam says:

    Safe with his family? Actually, I think that may be more perilous than actually being in the balloon would have been.

  297. 297
    LD50 says:

    Uh… Michael’s gonna come back some time, right? Right?

  298. 298
    LD50 says:

    Uh… Michael’s gonna come back some time, right? Right?

  299. 299

    @Michael Gass: My dick’s bigger than your dick. I’ll scan it and send it to you.

  300. 300
    nonymouse says:

    I’ve got box of certs right here. They’ll measure up to anyone else’s certs. Anytime, anyplace.

  301. 301
    Da Bomb says:

    This has to the one of best thread of EPIC Win evah!

    So sad I missed out on this one.

  302. 302
    twiffer says:

    i’ll admit that i never cared about this kid. i didn’t really pay attention to the story in the first place and, to be honest, my reserves of empathy are finite. it goes to people i actually know or have some sort of connection (no matter how tenuous) to. a 6 yr old in colorado? might as well be a fictional character for all i give a damn.

    i have a 2 yr old. his every waking moment is spent in discovering new ways try and kill himself. well, aside from the time devoted to meticulously removing every single book from the bookshelves. point is, i’ve quite enough to fret about.

    we joke about actual tragedy all the time (after a scale approriate period of solmenity). it’s part of how humans deal with the horrors and injustice of the world. cracking wise about a potential tragedy, that ended without incident, is to be expected. instantly, in fact.

    lecturing people on how horrible they are for joking when a 6 year old [OMFG!!!!!!] COULDADIED!!!!!!! does not equal moral superiority. claiming to care deeply about a child one has never met, will never meet and has no actual emotional attachment to does not show true empathy. quite the opposite, actually.

  303. 303
    R. Schmdt Orren says:

    Damn. Too late to the party. Now if I only didn’t have a job….

    shit. What am I saying??

    Oh yeah….isn’t ‘Michael Gass’ a bit like ‘Mike Hunt’, only not as obvious?

  304. 304
    R. Schmidt Orren says:

    @R. Schmdt Orren:

    Damn. Schmidt, not Schmdt.

    Too tired to even type my own handle right. Sigh. Time for bed.

  305. 305
    Michael Gass says:

    As I said, I have emailed John Cole scans of the documents. He, and dougj, can do with them as they wish.

  306. 306
    SFAW says:

    As I said, I have emailed John Cole scans of the documents. He, and dougj, can do with them as they wish.

    Thanks for … sharing that … with … us.

    Also.

  307. 307
    Michael Gass says:

    When people call into question my integrity, honesty, and try and demean and laugh it… I don’t take it kindly.

    Especially when I have every document to back up what I say.

  308. 308
    SFAW says:

    When people call into question my integrity, honesty, and try and demean and laugh it… I don’t take it kindly.

    When someone make a public spectacle of himself, telling anyone who will listen … or at least anyone who won’t tell him to shut up … what a concerned and caring soul he is, and how superior he is to the rest of us (more or less) heartless bastards … because we weren’t white-knuckling our seats, or chewing our nails out of concern for a 6-year-old … then he deserves ridicule. Doesn’t matter if you’re Audie Murphy or Roy Cohn, you get the same.

    You were a SEAL? You’re certainly tougher than I am, and deserve praise for being one. You were an EOD specialist? You’re certainly braver than I am, and you deserve praise for being one. You were a cop? Not an easy job, and you deserve praise for being one.

    But that’s as far as it goes.

    You didn’t like the tenor of some of the comments here? Then try to deal with it as a SEAL or an EOD or a cop would – calmly, without screaming at everyone about what assholes they are, and without screaming at every opportunity that (metaphorically) your dick is bigger than all of ours put together. Because when you do that, you remind most of us of guys like Erick Ericksdottir and all the other Keyboard Kommandos, who keep talking about how tough they are, while gladly supporting the war effort from behind their desks.

    OK? Do you get it yet? So either calm down, or go see someone at the VA to help you calm down.

  309. 309
    Michael Gass says:

    SFAW,

    If you are so heartless that you DON’T care about the fate of a 6-year old boy… sorry for you.

    There were a whole lot of people here sniggering over the situation without thinking of what was actually happening. Law enforcement across the state were diverting resources. The National Guard had to divert resources. That isn’t funny. Nor, is the fact that a kid could… COULD… have been in danger.

    You want to sit and spit on everyone of those people who were busting their asses to try and save a kid? Do it… but understand EXACTLY what you, and everyone else on this thread who found it “funny” were doing… spitting on everyone who didn’t.

  310. 310
    Michael Gass says:

    As for who “needs help”… I’d say every single person who found the situation funny.

    Get it?

    This isn’t about whether the media got played. It’s about how, for two and a half hours, every single cop on the road, the National Guard, and everyone else who got involved, tried to bust their ass to see that a kid survived.

    Get it? Because they were doing just that.

    And that is exactly what I tried to tell people here… it wasn’t funny. Then, because I deigned to be the voice that differs, I got attacked personally.

    Well, I sent off the docs. Me and Mr. Cole chatted after he got them.

    You want to talk about “dick size”… I don’t. I did what I did. I spent time where I spent it. When people try to spit on that, I get pissed.

    Get it?

    Don’t tell me I need help when I am the one saying that the safety of a kid isn’t funny…

  311. 311
    SFAW says:

    Michael –
    You really need to get a better grip on reality.

    You want to sit and spit on everyone of those people who were busting their asses to try and save a kid? Do it… but understand EXACTLY what you, and everyone else on this thread who found it “funny” were doing… spitting on everyone who didn’t.

    And this is exactly why people are laughing at you. Because nowhere in my comment @ 308 did I say anything like that. But that’s how you’re choosing to read it. The old saying “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail” is probably applicable here. I expect your next comment will tell me that I doubted your integrity, etc. etc.

    Look, stud, I don’t know if you have PTSD, or are just naturally pissed off at people who don’t take you as seriously as you take yourself, or if you have a substance abuse problem, or if you’ve just had a really, REALLY BAD week. But whatever the reason you’re seeing demons that aren’t there, you should do something to help yourself. Life’s too f’ing short to be behaving in such an off-the-wall-with-anger fashion. So give it a rest. (Not that I expect you’ll take my advice.)

  312. 312
    Michael Gass says:

    No… they are “laughing” because its the internet and the “conventional wisdom” of the thread, started by dougj, was TOO laugh… so, anyone who didn’t was fair game.

    You notice those who WERE laughing suddenly aren’t? You get to pick up on the whole “omg, are you mad” meme.

    And yes, how “off-the-wall” can a person be when they are laughed at, their certs and life called into question, after giving 20 years of your life to see these same people safe.

    This is what you’d expect from Redstate bloggers.

    And, instead of simply realizing that I spent 20 years making sure you, and every 6 year old kid, were safe, and don’t find it funny… you decide to go into PTSD, or substance abuse, or whatever.

    How about getting it through your head that the people out there trying to keep people safe simply take it seriously.

  313. 313
    Michael Gass says:

    Here’s my last on this… SFAW… you want to prove me wrong? You think it’s just a joke and all of us who worked in jobs like law enforcement, firefighters, nurses, emts, all think its all one big joke…

    Call 911…

    If the operator laughs as you make the call… you’re right.

    If the EMT’s who arrive in the ambulance laugh at you… you’re right.

    If the nurses who admit laugh… you’re right.

    If the doctors that treat you… you’re right.

    Call 911 for a fire…

    If the firefighters that show up to save your bacon are laughing at you… you’re right.

    Call 911 because you got robbed…

    If the cops who show up are laughing that you got robbed… you’re right.

    My money is you’re wrong… as are many here.

  314. 314
    nonymouse says:

    @Michael Gass: ha, I’m right. I called 911, told a joke, and got a laugh. not everyone is as humourless as you.

    wait a minute, do I have to make them all laugh?

    if so, can I do it in separate instances?

    will you change the rules again, later?

    will you rob my flat so I can call the coppers?

    will you buy the bacon that the firemen must save? as a vegan, i am just be offended at the thought of being involved…

  315. 315
    SFAW says:

    Michael –
    I haven’t been laughing at you tonight, nor have I been joking about you, even though you choose to see it that way. Fine.

    Get help.

    Soon.

    I’m still not laughing, but I am getting scared … for the next person that has the temerity to tell you … to your face … “give it a rest”.

    I don’t give two shits that you and John have gone over your bona fides. If you bothered to read what I wrote in 308, you’d know that I wasn’t questioning them – in fact I was praising your service in all the areas you mentioned. But you still keep acting as though I was questioning it/them. That is either:
    A) Illiteracy
    B) Ignorance
    C) Anger turning everything you read into a slam on you.

    Since you’re not illiterate, that leaves either (B) or (C). Since you seem to be able to construct an expository paragraph, I’ll guess (B) is less likely, albeit possible.

    You were talking about the other commenters here being like the RedStaters. And yet … it’s the RedStaters and their ilk, who, when lefties talked about getting out of Iraq, would shriek “Teh Left hates the troops!!!1!” And this is just what you’re doing. People were laughing about CNN’s MOST-IMPORTANT-STORY-EVAH treatment of the Balloon thing, and you persist in saying that they’re all laughing at the NationalGuard/Fire/Police/whomever. They weren’t; no matter how many times you say they were, they weren’t.

    I’m not sure why you’re so fucking angry about everything. The “they questioned my integrity” thing is not a trigger for rational people, nor is the ridicule of CNN. And no one here was doing the equivalent of a street crowd yelling for a potential jumper to jump, vis-a-vis the kid. I believe there were actually more comments ridiculing people who are normally uncaring about their fellow man. (No, I’m not talking about public safety people!) But if I were your CO, and I saw you responding as you have here, I’d seriously consider you for a Section 8. Your comments have been, almost without exception, the written equivalent of a scream of rage. That’s just not healthy, and you really should do something about it.

  316. 316
    SFAW says:

    will you buy the bacon that the firemen must save? as a vegan, i am just be offended at the thought of being involved…

    You must be one of those Republicans Grayson was talking about the other day. Did you become a vegan after Obama had that BLT, you right-wing SOB?

  317. 317

    this was a great thread. i wish i knew who Michael Gass really is!

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    SiubhanDuinne says:

    I do too, Jason. Can’t wait to see what John has to say about it all. IF he has anything to say, that is.

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    Did you guys provide the juice? :)

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    nonymouse says:

    @SFAW: no, i became a vegan specifically for this thread. i totally refuse to use or consume animal products of any kind while posting to this thread.

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    SFAW says:

    no, i became a vegan specifically for this thread. i totally refuse to use or consume animal products of any kind while posting to this thread.

    Commie

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    Michael Gass says:

    SiubhanDuinne,

    I can help there. John sent me an email. It simply read:

    Yeah, they were being jerks.

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    nonymouse says:

    @SFAW: commie rightwing sob, that’s me. you should write a book, ‘conservative communists’ — a sensible rebuttal of the doughy one’s latest tome.

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