Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Are you … from the future?

Four legs? good! two legs? we’re not so sure…

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

The math demands it!

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

It’s the corruption, stupid.

Women: they get shit done

Not all heroes wear capes.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Shelter in place is one thing. shelter in pants is quite another.

No one could have predicted…

We are aware of all internet traditions.

The revolution will be supervised.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

Reality always wins in the end.

I don’t care how fun he is after a few whiskies. fuck that guy.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

I really should read my own blog.

I’m going back to the respite thread.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

What fresh hell is this?

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Reader Interactions

83Comments

  1. 1.

    Comrade Dread

    I think Mike Judge was almost right.

    In the future, English will devolve into a combination of slang, profanity, hillbilly and lolcat.

  3. 3.

    drunken hausfrau

    someone needs to do a photoshop on Grassley — post his photo on LOLcat — as a “cat” with his tweet.

    honestly… it is a sad, sad comment… Idiot America, indeed.

  4. 4.

    Comrade Mary, Would-Be Minion Of Bad Horse

    Oh, be fair. That’s a whole 139 characters. If he had put in one more character, that would have been enough to achieve a prose marvel.

  5. 5.

    DougJ

    someone needs to do a photoshop on Grassley—post his photo on LOLcat—as a “cat” with his tweet.

    That’s what I’m talking about.

  9. 9.

    Karen S.

    I think Chuck has a bit of a crush on Obama. He’s just pissed that our president didn’t take him to France.
    I agree, Comrade Dread, that Mike Judge (with Idiocracy) got the devolution of English just about right.

  11. 11.

    guster

    DugJ u rite this post on bloonjews and u say we need new lnguage. When u hate Amrica u hate NGLISH. I dn’t hate NGLISH.

  12. 12.

    YellowJournalism

    There’s people saying that it wasn’t really him writing this, that a man that age wouldn’t write so poorly, even in Twitter mode. I say they underestimate the power of lazy, angry, and stupid.

  13. 13.

    Zifnab25

    Seriously, though, Does Obama’s frequent overseas declarations remind anyone of a Reagen-esque political strategy? He drops a dime like this and gets everyone worked up about health care and – when he gets back home – the irons are hot.

    I feel like I remember Reagen doing this before launching another tax cut crusade or SS “reform” or military budget bump.

    If nothing else, I appreciate seeing the GOP perpetually on defense. Although, I guess that’s just Presidential leverage for you.

  15. 15.

    IndieTarheel

    When you are a “hammer” u think evrything is NAIL I’m no NAIL

    He’s no poet, either.

    Speaking of hammers, this reads as though he might have been hammered at the time.

    At least, that’s the excuse I would have used…

  17. 17.

    Da Bomb

    Wow! I mean that statement is completely devoid of any punctuation or sense.

    Ebonics has nothing on that!

  18. 18.

    JenJen

    You know, it fascinates me how quickly GOP lawmakers have taken to Twitter, and, personal embarrassment, where Democratic lawmakers have mostly avoided it.

    Thank goodness Twitter wasn’t around when our founding documents were written. I shudder to think of The Declaration of Independence, in tweet shorthand.

  19. 19.

    Dulcie

    The best part? That was Grassley’s SECOND tweet.

    Grassley’s first tweet: “Pres Obama you got nerve while u sightseeing in Paris to tell us ‘time to deliver’ on health care. We still on skedul/even workinWKEND.”

  20. 20.

    Joshua Norton

    All that’s missing is how cute the Jonas Brothers are and a few LOLs and he’d be at the same level of expertise as a 13 year old girl.

  21. 21.

    Napoleon

    Has anyone noticed that the Rep. full blown embrass of tweeting has worked out better for the Dems then for them?

  22. 22.

    Bill Belichick

    Chuck’s trying so hard to be cool that it’s sad. I’m finding it hard to be cruel, even wearing my Bill Belichick take-no-prisoners sock.

  23. 23.

    Comrade Darkness

    Senator Grassley has been urging the President to let the legislative process work

    Shorter Grassley: U haz to leafs some time for lbbysts to buy my voates. Othrwz I luser nxt elecshun.

  25. 25.

    R-Jud

    This individual is a member of the party that has been wielding a hammer labeled “TAX CUTS”, no?

  26. 26.

    chuck

    As I read someone say on the Great Orange Satan explaining why GrassLOL is indeed no nail:

    “A nail would have a head and a point.”

  27. 27.

    Librarian

    This is another example of the right’s never-ending persecution complex. If you propose a policy Grassley doesn’t like, suddenly you’re hitting him with a hammer. The man has serious problems.

  28. 28.

    chuck

    @R-Jud:

    At this point I’d be really disappointed at the GOP if they ever made an argument that *wasn’t* based on self-loathing projection.

  30. 30.

    Joshua Norton

    I’m just wondering how many more clowns the GOP can to stuff into that car.

    I haz a lolz.

  31. 31.

    IndieTarheel

    @JenJen: Now you’ve done it.

    I give it two weeks, tops. It’s going to get posted and it’s all your fault

    *sob*

    LEAVE THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE ALONE!

  32. 32.

    gbear

    LOLGrassley

    FAILGrassley works too.

    “A nail would have a head and a point.”

    The only part of the nail left is the shaft.

  33. 33.

    Johnny B. Guud

    Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said ‘time to delivr on healthcare’ When you are a “hammer” u think evrything is NAIL I’m no NAIL

    No offense, but if WFB didn’t pass on when he did last year, I’m sure this nonsense would’ve killed him.

  35. 35.

    Fulcanelli

    So naow we haz old Republicanz qwoting Humanistik Psicologist Abraham Maslow? On Twitter? FTW.

    I can haz needz met Obama, pretty plz?

    Wingularity Event Horizon in sight, Captain.

    Sulu, get us the fuck out of here, stat.

  36. 36.

    geg6

    Damn, chuck beat me to it. When I read that on GOS, I almost busted a gut.

    What is it with these GOPers and Twitter? First, I refuse to use any technology that may label me a twit. That’s simply non-negotiable. And second, are any of them beyond the emotional/social maturity of my nine-year-old niece? By the evidence, I’d have to say no. And thirdly, anyone finding themselves crying a river because some congresscritters have to work over a weekend?

    /crickets/

    Didn’t think so.

  38. 38.

    joes527

    I have come to the conclusion that the whole twitter concept is just an elaborate scheme to punk the political class.

    I mean — Let’s give them a tool to take whatever though is flying through their little heads, and make it instantly permanent, public and referenceable.

    Yeah. That will end well.

  40. 40.

    steve s

    Pres Obama while u sightseeing in Paris u said ‘time to delivr on healthcare’ When you are a “hammer” u think evrything is NAIL I’m no NAIL

    It’s like someone doing a really stupid impression of LOLCats.

    I’m no NAIL

    You are, however, huge TOOL.

  43. 43.

    MikeJ

    There’s people saying that it wasn’t really him writing this, that a man that age wouldn’t write so poorly, even in Twitter mode.

    It’s his name. He’s a politician. He’s responsible for every moronic thing his office releases with his name on it. That’s the trade off for being allowed speechwriters i the first place.

  45. 45.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    You know, it actually suits the whole Wingnut message much better.

    There was always a sort of disjunction between the juvenile schoolyard taunts these clowns delivered and listening to them do so wearing suits and 12-dollar bottled tans, in sonorous tones from the dias.

    Imagine the entire last eight years of nuttery delivered in that language, it actually fits it better.

  47. 47.

    Indylib

    And here are the college Republicans jumping on the bandwagon of fail.

    David All, of the eponymous conservative media consulting group, tried to persuade a less-than-capacity crowd that Twitter was the future. “That’s the thing that we need to embrace and evangelize every single day,” he said. “We have a massive opportunity to grow the pie of conservatism because of the quickness of Twitter and because everyone is jumping on board.”

    .

    via Steve Benen

  48. 48.

    JGabriel

    Comrade Darkness:

    Shorter Grassley: U haz to leafs some time for lbbysts to buy my voates.

    I’m not sure that’s a fair critique. Much as I disagree with Grassley politically, he is – from everything I’ve read – one of the less corrupt people in Congress.

    .

  50. 50.

    KRK

    @MikeJ: True, but in this case Grassley’s office specifically confirmed that the Senator himself wrote the “twits”.

    Has anyone else noticed that the two more ludicrous twits were sent at around 4:30 a.m.? What’s the deal with that?

  52. 52.

    Ash Can

    Oh for fuck’s sake. Does Grassley have any idea how bloody fucking stupid this makes him look? Any at all??

    ::headdesk::

    And I thought he had a little bit of common fucking sense in him. Criy-iy. If he had the dignity God gave the average housefly he’d be embarrassed to the point of tears by this. And if it really wasn’t him who composed this asinine shit, he’d be quoted on the newswires any moment now that he fired the ass of whatever idiot was responsible.

    Go on, tweet away, you GOP assholes. You didn’t need all those bothersome Congressional seats anyway, now, did you?

  53. 53.

    CapMidnight

    So Grassley‘s using technology meant to save precious microseconds by omitting letters, and to instantly broadcast trivialities, to criticize haste?!

  54. 54.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    @Indylib:

    “We have a massive opportunity to grow the pie of conservatism because of the quickness of Twitter and because everyone is jumping on board.”

    “Grow the pie”??

    And if you jump on board a pie, doesn’t that get awfully messy?

    I don’t know why I’d expect them to keep their metaphors straight when they can’t get anything else right, but still.

    Ellie Mae! Your Ma’s out back watering the pie patch, and when they’re ripe enough, we’re all gonna jump on top ‘o one!

  56. 56.

    JGabriel

    CapMidnight:

    So Grassley’s using technology meant to save precious microseconds by omitting letters, and to instantly broadcast trivialities, to criticize haste?!

    The medium is the message.

    .

  59. 59.

    ThymeZoneThePlumber

    The first four letters of Twitter are “twit.”

    I’d say, the GOP’s love affair with Twitter is going along just fine.

    Now their actual brain farts are broadcast worldwide in minutes.

    I don’t think any scheme or plan by Democrats could have a better effect than this.

    Another win for technology.

  62. 62.

    Bill E Pilgrim

    @CapMidnight:

    So Grassley’s using technology meant to save precious microseconds by omitting letters, and to instantly broadcast trivialities, to criticize haste?!

    The entire point of that was to use the word “Paris” connected to a Democrat because that’s an instant win, in their minds.

  63. 63.

    Martin

    Just to add to the GOP implosion, Hewitt and Rush are apparently calling for a boycott of GM until they undo their social!st ways (clearly not realizing that the only way for the government to sell their stake is for GM to succeed, which they now seek to undermine).

    So Michigan, Indiana, Ohio and all of those other manufacturing states that support GM, that are desperate to see a working America again, get a kick in the junk by the voices of the GOP.

    Good long term strategy there, boys!

  64. 64.

    R-Jud

    @KRK:

    Has anyone else noticed that the two more ludicrous twits were sent at around 4:30 a.m.? What’s the deal with that?

    I think he was just up late looking for pictures of Carla Sarkozy to, y’know, research, and happened to realize the President was in France.

    Or possibly just for pictures of Sarkozy. Short ‘n’ snooty, that’s how Grassley likes ’em.

  66. 66.

    David

    Another example of having your assistant Tweet something outrageous and/or weird in order to get your name in the news.

  67. 67.

    TenguPhule

    I’m not sure that’s a fair critique. Much as I disagree with Grassley politically, he is – from everything I’ve read – one of the less corrupt people in Congress.

    There are parts of sewers less filthy then others. Relatively speaking.

  68. 68.

    MikeJ

    Quick’n’dirty, but here you go.

    Nice one. If I had talent I’d do “Invisible Nail.”

  70. 70.

    Tonal Crow

    @Indylib:

    David All, of the eponymous conservative media consulting group, tried to persuade a less-than-capacity crowd that Twitter was the future. “That’s the thing that we need to embrace and evangelize every single day,” he said. “We have a massive opportunity to grow the pie pile of conservatism because of the quickness of Twitter and because everyone is jumping on board.”

    Fix’d.

  72. 72.

    Blue Raven

    someone needs to do a photoshop on Grassley—post his photo on LOLcat—as a “cat” with his tweet.

    Submitted for consideration to the News segment of LOLCat central.

    ETA: Hah, Jay. Good to see we didn’t use the same pic.

  73. 73.

    GambitRF

    I’m pretty sure even the most veteran of Twitter users, always completely willing to sacrifice correct grammar and spelling to try and cram something into 140 characters, would figure out that it would probably make more sense to give in and split each of those into two separate posts. Its depressing that elected officials apparently don’t reach the same conclusion.

    I think “WorkinWKEND” is the most ridiculous phrase I’ve even seen, and I’m including that one cell phone commercial where the little girl says “IDK, my BFF Jill?”

  76. 76.

    gypsy howell

    So much for their whole “English is our official language” thingie, I guess.

    Not to mention, even when I translate it from GrassLOL it doesn’t make any sense to me.

  77. 77.

    Ked

    I think this may be our first actual documented wingularity sighting posted here. Grassley is usually just a partisan hack, but it appears that the limits of tweeting are performing some strange sort of lunacy compression, rendering the result completely incomprehensible without a full wingnut compendium to explain the internal references.

    (Like, what’s the hammer? Why do you think you’re a nail? Why does the prez blabbing in Paris about legislative agenda count as a personal attack on you? Yeeeeesh.)

    An unpleasantly compact 1.2 wingularity masses.

  79. 79.

    asiangrrlMN

    Oh my god, this is the funniest thread evah–well, at least today.

    If we ever needed evidence that the GOP mentality is stuck at age fourteen, we now have it.

    OMG! Prez tot. suks! So jel of his pplrty!

  80. 80.

    Rachel

    The hammer/nail reference is from the TV show the “Closer”. Kyra Sedgewick is told this by her boss.

  81. 81.

    ronathan richardson

    The funny thing is that there’s at least 30 republican senators that are dumber than GrassLOLCAT.

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