How Do You Say “JACKASS” In Arabic?

Michael Goldfarb outdoes himself.

Also, new category.

156 replies
  1. 1
    MattF says:

    When Goldfarb travels, he should use the Zompist Phrasebook which has a whole lot of furrin language stuff that I’m sure he’ll find useful.

  2. 2
    demkat620 says:

    Nice. Well John, you were so right all along; The McCain campaign was run by wingnuts bloggers.

    That is a wingnut work of art.

  3. 3
    Lyle4 says:

    I don’t think it’s physically/spatially/mentally/theoretically possible for Goldfarb to be more stupid? And what’s that drivel about the call to prayer? You mean a guy who lived in the most Muslim country in the world, and heard the call to prayer FIVE TIMES EVERY DAY knows how to say it?! WHAT? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

    I demand a recount.

  4. 4
    flukebucket says:

    grassyass seenyore

  5. 5
    John Cole says:

    BTW, if I learn how to say jackass in arabic, does that make me bilingual?

  6. 6
    Third Eye Open says:

    I can see the Koran from my house!

  7. 7

    I lived in Hong Kong for two years and can get by ordering food, beer etc., telling cab drivers where to go. Thank you is a bit different there because “umgoy” (spelled wrong I’m sure) only means thank you when it is for a service (ie a waitress bringing you a beer etc.) Damn I suppose that makes me a communist. Such is life.

  8. 8
    Deborah says:

    I can say thank you in French, German, Spanish, Italian, Japanese, Portuguese, and now, apparently, Arabic. What evil secrets am I concealing behind my claimed inability to speak most of these languages???!!!!!

    I feel like a character in The Da Vinci Code. (gazes around nervously for albino priests) Thanks a lot, Michael Goldfarb.

    Though I did always suspect his McCain blog of being satire. How many members of the right-wing intelligentsia are secretly dada performance artists?

  9. 9

    @John Cole: No but it might make you a “cunning linguist” (apologies to Money Penny from James Bond)

  10. 10
    The Moar You Know says:

    Hurts to watch a guy intellectually drive into a wall like that.

  11. 11
    J. says:

    “How do you say ‘JACKASS’ in Arabic?”

    Meekhelghoulferbh

  12. 12
    SpotWeld says:

    … next on This Modern Life.. “The Wingnut Code” (or has that been done arleady?)

  13. 13
    Echoes with Bunnies or Men says:

    Hey, who remembers this lovely exchange???

    SANCHEZ: Now, is the — I need to parse this out as best I can from you, Michael. The fact that John McCain’s organization gave $448,000 to this group that was founded by Mr. Khalidi, is there no reason for some to be critical of as well just as some might be critical of Barack Obama for being at a meeting with some girl read a poem for example?

    GOLDFARB: Look. You are missing the point again, Rick. The point is that Barack Obama has a long track record of being around anti-Semitic and anti-Israel and anti-American rhetoric.

    SANCHEZ: Can you name one other person besides Khalidi who he hangs around that is anti-Semitic?
    Story continues below

    GOLDFARB: Yes, he pals around with William Ayers.

    SANCHEZ: No, no, the question I asked you is that can you name one other person who he hangs around with who is anti-Semitic? Because that is what you said.

    GOLDFARB: Look, we know there are people who Barack Obama has been in hot water–

    SANCHEZ: Michael, I asked you the name one person. One.

    GOLDFARB: Rick —

    SANCHEZ: You said he hangs around with people who are anti-Semitic. Okay. Khalidi and name other people that we all know about?

    GOLDFARB: And rick, we both know who number two is.

    SANCHEZ: Who? Would you tell us?

    GOLDFARB: No, Rick, I think we all know who we are talking about here.

    SANCHEZ: Somebody who is anti-Semitic that he hangs around with.

    GOLDFARB: I think we all know who we are talking about.

    SANCHEZ: Say it.

    (silence)

    GOLDFARB: I think we all know who we’re talking about, rick.

    (more silence, Goldfarb looks constipated)

    SANCHEZ: Well, you say that his policies differ from Barack Obama and many other people, and either way, we have the leave it at that.

  14. 14
    thereisnorule6 says:

    My nipples explode with delight!

  15. 15

    @Third Eye Open: That made me laugh embarrassingly loudly.

  16. 16
  17. 17
  18. 18
    Cris says:

    You know, even if Obama knew enough Arabic to ask his host how his family has been and what the weather is like, it would still be appropriate for him to say he doesn’t speak it.

    Which is to say, I think it’s a peculiar Americanism to overstate our ability to speak a foreign language. Every European I’ve known who learned to speak English as a second language is very modest about their fluency. I know a Swiss woman who has lived here for 30 years who still feels she’s a poor speaker. (She’s not.) But we US Americans seem to think that three years of high school courses without immersion are sufficient to claim “I speak it.”

  19. 19
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    Never mind Arabic. We have extremists right here in the USA that to be understood and dealt with, who speak a second language that looks nothing like the King’s English. How many words of Wingnutt does the President speak? Just a few, like “going Galt” and “teabagging” and “Dijon mustard”, or is he more fluent?

  20. 20
  21. 21
    demkat620 says:

    @MattF: Here, this might help

  22. 22
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Third Eye Open: Brilliant.

    I’m rather nervous. As someone said earlier, they have already pulled Hitler and the Nazis out of their asses (Jonah)–ew. Gross visual, sorry–so where can they go? Nowhere but to wingularity. Better start stockpiling food, water, and bed pans!

    P.S. I can say I love you in seven languages. Doesn’t make me septa-lingual.

  23. 23
    Cris says:

    @thereisnorule6: My hovercraft is full of eels.

  24. 24
    Lyle4 says:

    @Cris: Eh, I wouldn’t necessarily say that. Everyone I know says things along the lines of “I can speak so and so fluently,” or “I know the basics of Spanish” or “I can say thank you and that’s it,” or “ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER, LEARN IT OR LEAVE IT.”

  25. 25
    dmsilev says:

    Oy vey.

    There, now I’m an Eastern European Jew.

    (actually, that is my family ancestry, but that’s beside the point).

    -dms

  26. 26
    Dave C says:

    Some day, while Michael Goldfarb attempts to write a post like this one, his brain is going to wake up from its self-imposed coma, realize what has been happening for the past couple of decades and find no other means of regaining its honor than by committing seppoku.

  27. 27
    The Dangerman says:

    I’m not bilingual, but I can use one of the most versatile words in the English Language; that word, of course, is “fuck”. It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary doesn’t really give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I’m late for my date with Mary.)

  28. 28
    tavella says:

    GOLDFARB: No, Rick, I think we all know who we are talking about here.

    SANCHEZ: Somebody who is anti-Semitic that he hangs around with.

    GOLDFARB: I think we all know who we are talking about.

    Wow, that’s a real Wingularity moment. Presumably at the time there was yet another conspiracy theory about Obama being friends/the son of/sleeping with some person they construed as an anti-semite, and if you were beyond the wingnut horizon you understood.

    But to the rest of us, even Sanchez, it’s completely incomprehensible.

  29. 29
    dmsilev says:

    @ThatLeftTurnInABQ:

    Never mind Arabic. We have extremists right here in the USA that to be understood and dealt with, who speak a second language that looks nothing like the King’s English. How many words of Wingnutt does the President speak? Just a few, like “going Galt” and “teabagging” and “Dijon mustard”, or is he more fluent?

    Reminds me of that classic scene from _Airplane_: “Oh, stewardess, I speak Jive”. (YouTube clip)

    -dms

  30. 30
    Lyle4 says:

    @tavella: As with practically everythign in the last couple months of the election, Goldfarb was making thinly veiled allusions to Ayers.

  31. 31
    Zifnab says:

    @asiangrrlMN: If there was ever a more deserving fate for the Nazi Party, it would be to spend the next fifty years up Johan Goldberg’s kester.

  32. 32
    Woody says:

    Meekhelghoulferb

    Wouldn’t that be brefluohglehkeeM

  33. 33
    tavella says:

    I really wish the software updaters would stop breaking the workarounds we use to fix their broken blockquote code, and instead fix the damn blockquote.

  34. 34
    Doctor Gonzo says:

    Back in college, I went to Egypt and Greece on spring break. I don’t speak a single word of Arabic, but by the second day I was there I picked up how to say thank you. It was terribly hard to do so, hearing people use it all the time and asking our tour guides about it.

    How much more stupid can our discourse get?

  35. 35
    dmsilev says:

    @tavella:

    Wow, that’s a real Wingularity moment. Presumably at the time there was yet another conspiracy theory about Obama being friends/the son of/sleeping with some person they construed as an anti-semite, and if you were beyond the wingnut horizon you understood.

    I’m pretty sure that He Who Could Not Be Named was supposed to be Rev. Wright.

    Speaking of blasts from the (recent) past, there was a blurb in the paper yesterday: anyone in the Chicago area can pal around with William Ayers this coming Sunday; he’s giving a public lecture on something or another as part of the Trib’s annual book fair.

    -dms

  36. 36
  37. 37
    The Moar You Know says:

    GOLDFARB: No, Rick, I think we all know who we are talking about here.

    OMG NEGROES

  38. 38
    Echoes with Bunnies or Men says:

    MattF – That was from Goldfarb’s appearance on CNN during the election last fall. You really have to see the actual footage to fully appreciate Goldfarb’s line of attack…deadly silence!

    He went on to later mention that the unnamed antisemite was…ding ding, Rev Wright.

    But he couldn’t say it. Because he is tight like that, yo.

  39. 39
    TenguPhule says:

    How Do You Say “JACKASS” In Arabic?

    George W Bush.

  40. 40
    RP says:

    I’ve always wished I could speak Japanese…

    Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto.

    There! My life’s work is complete.

  41. 41
    gnomedad says:

    Geek that he is, if Obama is heard to exclaim “Poodoo!”, Goldfarb will accuse him of being a secret Hutt.

  42. 42
    Jay in Oregon says:

    @tavella:

    If I remember the comments from the time that exchange happened, no one had a clue who Goldfarb might have been referring to. The Ayers accusation had already been shot down, but he obviously couldn’t admit that he was full of shit; so the best he could come up with was…that.

    @Lyle4:

    Which makes it even more pathetic, because Goldfarb had already thrown Ayers out as an example and Sanchez would have none of it. He had nothing but couldn’t admit it.

    Edit: Ah, Rev. Wright. Of course, I should have guessed.

  43. 43
    Tom65 says:

    This is the kind of smug idiocy that, outside of places like AEI and the Heritage Foundation, would usually result in a shovel to the face.

  44. 44
    The Cat Who Would Be Tunch says:

    When I read the NYT article about Obama’s Mideast trip and noticed that he had had said “شكرا لك” to King Abdullah, I was wondering how long it would be before someone pointed to this as proof of Obama’s true heritage.

    I guess it’s nice to be able to predict, with some degree of accuracy, what the next “controversy” is going to be. I guess it’s only a matter of time before someone points to Obama mentioning the king’s name “Abdullah” (which means “servant of God”, err “servant of Allah” since some people insist on distinguishing God and Allah) as further proof of his true religious allegiance.

  45. 45
    Ugh says:

    What I wouldn’t give for Obama, at his first State of the Union Address, to start off by saying the call to prayer in Arabic and then getting down on his knees facing Mecca and praying.

    that would be just, awesome.

  46. 46
    Darkrose says:

    So if knowing the call to prayer in Arabic makes Obama a Muslim, am I a Catholic now because I can sing the Latin Mass?

  47. 47
    Mentis Fugit says:

    @Cris: My hovercraft is full of eels.

    In Arabic! (I’m pretty sure I got THAT from a thread here a month or three ago.)

  48. 48
    eric says:

    gesundheit = nazi.

    or

    gesundheit = jew.

    that is all.

    eric

  49. 49
    Ked says:

    Hmm.

    Analyzing Goldfarb’s actual post, it’s not actually a communication from beyond the Wingularity. The only truly undecipherable line is the bit about the White House smearing Obama. The rest is hugely distasteful, but largely standard race/religion/nationality baiting.

    I rate it: 0.7 wingularity masses.

  50. 50
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    You get the impression that it’s not just Arabic and the “omg he’s a muslim” freakout operating here but the idea that any foreign language fluency is suspect, smacking as it does of elitist, world-government, immigrant, non-white, etc etc.

    It’s all in keeping with the Rush toward the Wingularity, wherein they remove all impurities, trying to purge things down to a pure, white, definitely-not-bilingual and in fact barely lingual essence, the nut at the core of Wingnut, the hole in the donut, until all that’s left is a core of pure, unadulterated stupid.

    Until only William Kristol’s vapid grin remains, and then even that vanishes.

  51. 51

    I know how to say “The place where the sun shineth not” in Klatchian.

    What do I win?

  52. 52
    David says:

    Why do Wingnuts constantly pretend to look for the hidden meanings of a word or a phrase which, even if true, would only be relevant if ten thousand exponentially improbable scenarios also played out?

  53. 53
    robertdsc says:

    Neato footnote for this week’s Arab tour from Whitehouse.gov:

    For those abroad, sign up to get text updates in Arabic, Urdu, English or Persian at America. gov.

    Great.

  54. 54
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Zifnab: Or, vice-versa. But still. Ew. Goldberg’s ass.

  55. 55
    Laura W says:

    @The Dangerman: I share your reverence for my personal favorite potty mouth word. The applications and uses are many, are they not? Such verbal versatility.

    You left out the proper noun application, as in “Jesus Fucking Christ”.
    Whenever I watch Inside The Actors Studio and Lipton asks the celeb their favorite curse word I always imagine me in that seat saying “Jesus Fucking Christ.”
    It’s a proud imaginary moment for me and all who know and love me.

  56. 56
    The Moar You Know says:

    For those abroad, sign up to get text updates in Arabic, Urdu, English or Persian at America. gov.

    @robertdsc: Those abroad, especially in nations where Urdu, Arabic, or Persian is spoken, should only get updates on Obama’s trip, and especially what he says, through their state run news agencies, which are widely noted for their accuracy and impartiality.

    Also, that way we don’t have to cater to any goddamned furriners.

  57. 57
    The Cat Who Would Be Tunch says:

    @robertdsc:

    I wish the site had Korean as well, specifically the Pyongan dialect. That way, I could sign up for the “Axis of Evil” text update package. Oh well.

  58. 58

    Also, new category.

    I was hoping for Wingularity.

  59. 59
    Comrade Dread says:

    I can say thank you in Spanish, French, German, and Russian.

    I guess that would make me a border-hopping, appeasing, super Nazi-Communist.

    Plus the whole Comrade thing in my moniker. You just know I’m sporting a Che shirt and getting ready for the revolution. :P

  60. 60
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @David: What else do they have?

  61. 61
    John S. says:

    I share your reverence for my personal favorite potty mouth word.

    It’s a good one, but I’m partial to Yiddish cussing.

    You have to love a dialect that has a dozen ways to say ‘penis’.

  62. 62
    The Cat Who Would Be Tunch says:

    @The Moar You Know:

    Those abroad, especially in nations where Urdu, Arabic, or Persian is spoken, should only get updates on Obama’s trip, and especially what he says, through their state run news agencies, which are widely noted for their accuracy and impartiality.

    Absolutely on point. American journalism has been the proverbial shining city on a hill for the last eight years as has the reliability of information coming from the government.

    On a serious note, your point is taken and it’s a smart thing to do. But I would actually be surprised if something like this hadn’t been offered by the Obama admin.

  63. 63

    @Third Eye Open:

    I can see the Koran from my house!

    Fucking EPIC! I am stealing this.

  64. 64
    Krista says:

    I can cuss in French, Italian, German, Spanish, English, Russian, and Mandarin (the Mandarin one I learned is really foul.) I expect to be offered a position as a UN translator any day now.

  65. 65
    NonWonderDog says:

    @Lyle4:

    No, he said Ayers in that interview. He was trying to imply Jeremiah Wright, but couldn’t say the name because the McCain campaign was currently “taking the high road” and refusing to use Jeremiah Wright for political purposes.

    Nevermind that there is no evidence whatsoever that Reverend Wright is antisemitic in the slightest.

    (Bah, didn’t realize that I hadn’t refreshed this tab for 40 minutes.)

  66. 66
    gbear says:

    @asiangrrlMN:

    P.S. I can say I love you in seven languages. Doesn’t make me septa-lingual.

    Nope, it makes you co- multi-dependent.

  67. 67
    Little Dreamer says:

    Ich verstehe nicht!

  68. 68
    valdivia says:

    John–arabic has some really delightful insults that would fit quite nicely. One comes to mind but I cannot bring myself to even type up the transliteration of it. But it would be delicious to send it to him because he really is, more than a jackass.

  69. 69

    @Cris:

    Not to mention that speaking the language to most Americans means SHOUTING ENGLISH VERY LOUD AND VERY SLOWLY!

  70. 70
    robertdsc says:

    لخ بعذن غخعقسثمب

    ^ Go Cheney yourself, in Arabic.

  71. 71

    Wingnut Event Horizon. I like it, but don’t fool yourself into thinking they’re that close to the vortex. If only.

    Enjoy.

  72. 72

    @Darkrose:

    Or me the Pope cause I know the words to Ave Maria.

  73. 73
    Tara the antisocial social worker says:

    I wouldn’t travel to a country without learning to say “Thank you,” “Please, “No,” and “Where’s the bathroom?”

    It’s not that hard.

  74. 74
    ruemara says:

    @John Cole:

    Mr. Cole, even if you could say jackass in arabic, Mssr. Goldfarb wouldn’t understand it unless you said it in dumfuck.

  75. 75
    El Cid says:

    Marhaba sayyid Goldberg! Buus tizi!

  76. 76
    Comrade Jake says:

    It’s almost like these people take pride in wearing clown shoes.

  77. 77
  78. 78
    Comrade Jake says:

    It’s almost like these people take pride in wearing clo wn sho es.

  79. 79
    Laura W says:

    @gbear:

    Nope, it makes you co– multi-dependent.

    Excellent!

  80. 80

    Good on NH. What is it now 6 down 44 to go?

  81. 81
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    How do you say “ich bin ein wingnutter” in Goldfarbian?

  82. 82
    valdivia says:

    can someone explain to me why the word sh o e s triggers moderation?

  83. 83
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @gbear: Very nice, sir. Did you go last night? I crashed (took a nap) and didn’t make it.

    Darkrose, are you still out there? Do you know where I can find Thoughtcrimes on DVD? I can only find the UK version.

    P.S. Way to go, New Hampshire! Looks like the East Coast truly is the progressive coast.

  84. 84
    ThatLeftTurnInABQ says:

    Reminds me of that classic scene from Airplane: “Oh, stewardess, I speak Jive”.

    Great minds think alike – I was visualizing the same scene. We need a modern remake, where a pasty white dude sitting in coach class is quivering in fear and muttering incomprehensible gibberish about teabags and black helicopters, and a kindly old African-American lady steps forward and says “Oh, stewardess, I speak Wingnutt”.

  85. 85
    Sarcastro says:

    I think the actual answer to the question is hmar.

    The black-tongue of Dumfuck, OTOH, has many words for jackass. me, I, us and we are probably the best known.

    It’s like the Eskimos having a bajillion words for snow.

  86. 86
    robertdsc says:

    Perhaps it’s the word hoes?

    Nope, it’s not hoes. Strange code, it is.

  87. 87
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    .@valdivia:

    can someone explain to me why the word sh o e s triggers moderation?

    I know people for whom the word triggers anything but.

  88. 88
    Hob says:

    @NonWonderDog: Huh… I actually figured he was going for Farrakhan. I mean, there’s absolutely no connection between Obama and Farrakhan anyway, but I’m sure there’s a segment of the audience that would just assume there was, because… well. Anyway, that would fit with the weird coyness about saying the name, if it was for the benefit of people whose imaginations were supplying the name. Whereas if he meant Wright, that’s just stupid– everyone had been hearing about Wright ad nauseam for months, and antisemitism was one of the only things they hadn’t thrown at him.

  89. 89
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @The Dangerman: I think this sentence really demonstrates the word’s versatility: Fuck, the fucking fucker’s fucked.

  90. 90
    valdivia says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim:
    LOL that would be me!

    but seriously what is up with the code here, it hates foot wear?

    @robert–yup it would have been my guess too.

  91. 91
    different church-lady says:

    @David:

    Why do Wingnuts constantly pretend to look for the hidden meanings of a word or a phrase which, even if true, would only be relevant if ten thousand exponentially improbable scenarios also played out?

    A: Because they can’t get any closer than that?

  92. 92
    schrodinger's cat says:

    How Do You Say “JACKASS” In Arabic

    Ullu ka patha
    (Its Urdu not Arabic though)

  93. 93
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @different church-lady:

    “Why do Wingnuts constantly pretend to look for the hidden meanings of a word or a phrase which, even if true, would only be relevant if ten thousand exponentially improbable scenarios also played out?”

    A: Because they can’t get any closer than that laid?

    Fixed.

  94. 94
    Laura W says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim: Bill, you are a freak. (Sounds like I’m talking to BOB, huh?)
    Bundling, bondage, shoe fetishism. Don’t think I don’t notice these things about people.

    @valdivia: I’ve been here only a year, and I’ve seen that question asked 987,543 times by now. There has never been a direct answer, IIRC.
    Just chalk it up to One of Life’s Great Mysteries.
    Or idiotic bull shit. Your choice.

    (Bill, it was you with the bundling, was it not? I might be confusing you with someone else?)

  95. 95
    valdivia says:

    @Laura W:
    thanks Laura it will have to remain a mystery.

  96. 96
    gbear says:

    @asiangrrlMN:

    I missed it too. Some friends invited me to go for a walk that evening. I forgot about it until it was too late to get there by 9:30.

  97. 97
    El Cid says:

    By the way, at #75, I offered an Arabic-language invitation to Mr. Goldberg to kiss my ass.

  98. 98
    Third Eye Open says:

    Dear Mssr. Goldfarb,

    May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch.

    Sincerely,

    Moi

  99. 99
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @Laura W:

    Bundling? Bondage? Fetishes?

    Yes, I’m afraid you’ve mistaken me for someone far more interesting ;)

    As for the shoe line, I couldn’t resist. I don’t know anyone for whom the word shoes triggers moderation, and quite the opposite in some cases.

    Nothing to do with fetishes by the way, just that I know several friends for whom obsessively stopping at shoe store windows has continually had me walking down the street conversing with empty space before I noticed.

    Edit: Now of course THIS comment has trigged moderation. I blame Laura W.

  100. 100
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @gbear: Whew. I didn’t want to feel like I left you hanging.

  101. 101
    Bubblegum Tate says:

    @Krista:

    (the Mandarin one I learned is really foul.)

    And you’re not sharing it with us because…?

  102. 102
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @Laura W:

    No, you’ve got me mixed up with someone far more interesting!

    I wrote a longer reply but it’s being moderated because I included the words you used ;)

    Tricky, this blogging thing.

  103. 103
    KRK says:

    Maybe Goldfarb is just concerned for Obama’s safety, since the last time GWB said “Shukran” in public, somebody threw a shoe at him.

  104. 104
    The Cat Who Would Be Tunch says:

    @schrodinger’s cat:

    Ullu ka patha
    (Its Urdu not Arabic though)

    Technically, that translates to “son of an owl”. Yeah, yeah, it’s funny how the owl is a symbol of wisdom in the West while it’s considered an insult in the subcontinent. But it’s close enough otherwise.

  105. 105
    KRK says:

    @Echoes with Bunnies or Men:

    Don’t forget that Goldfarb’s colleagues on the McCain campaign gave him a standing ovation when he returned to the offices after that ridiculous interview. He nailed it! They were unstoppable!

  106. 106
    schrodinger's cat says:

    Technically, that translates to “son of an owl”.

    I am no Urdu/Hindi expert but Ullu usually is short-hand for idiot. Ullu ka patha is kinda like supremely idiotic or in BJ lingo, peak wingnut.

  107. 107
    Jon H says:

    George W. Bush knows how to say “please bail out my failing company” in Arabic.

  108. 108
    Comrade Jake says:

    I’m pretty sure it’s the combination of

    c l o w n

    and

    s h o es

    together that triggers the filter. I happen to think this is one of the best phrases Cole’s ever come up with, that he knows it and realizes we’d all like to use it, and decided to have some fun with us. I suspect Cole laughs at those of us who get caught in the filter due to “c lo wn shoes” all the time.

  109. 109
    freelancer says:

    @ asiangrrl:

    Thoughtcrimes is now on Netflix watch instant. IIRC, you said you had that.

  110. 110
    Jon H says:

    There must be a load of buildings at Princeton named after Goldfarbs.

    I can’t see any other way this turd could have gotten in.

  111. 111
    Jon H says:

    @Third Eye Open: “May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch.”

    May the camels of a billion fleas infest…

  112. 112
    freelancer says:

    Thoughtcrimes is now on Netflix watch instant

    It’s Timecrimes, I’m stupid right now.

  113. 113
    Silver Owl says:

    I asked my co-worker Tariq how to say thank you in Arabic. I repeated it and asked him if I was a Muslim, fluent in Arabic and because he was Pakistani if I was also fluent in his language by mere proximity to him.

    He said no. Then he said something else and I had to ask if he was French because it did not sound like “thank you” in Arabic. Goldfarb was unavailable to make a determination. That lazy bastid. I’m terrified I’m fluent in 4 languages now.

  114. 114
    Blue Raven says:

    Well, hell. I am able to utter at least one intelligible word in languages from all of the permanently inhabited continents and at least two invented languages. Clearly, I’ve missed my calling and must immediately start working on a Swahili-to-Klingon dictionary.

  115. 115
    Silver Owl says:

    Lets all write email to Goldfarb in Elvish and really blow his mind. LOL!

  116. 116
    Martin says:

    but seriously what is up with the code here, it hates foot wear?

    On the blog of a naked mopping guy, I think there’s a good possibility of that.

    And back in college I managed to learn how to say ‘I have a large sausage in my pants’ in I think it was 28 different languages (the number of native languages at my school). Everything from Chinese to Swahili and damn near every major language in Europe. I have to say, it did prove far more useful than I expected, in spite of the fact that my sausage is average size at best. Unfortunately I can only remember a few today – its utility really ran out once I got married, well, and stopped hanging around drunk coeds.

  117. 117
    Laura W says:

    @Martin: I can’t decide if your first sentence was more funny than your 4th, or visa versa. I’m gonna keep re-reading both till I can make my decision.

  118. 118
    Bill Herbert says:

    @Sarcastro: Saheeh! We also would have accepted mughafal ( مغفل)

  119. 119
    Laura W says:

    @Comrade Jake: No, clown is fine. It’s the footwear word that is the issue, for reasons no one has yet been able to decode, as far as I can tell.

    I know better. I just wanted to sucker Bill E Pilgrim into the black hole of Mod Hell for a while. I sensed he’d sort of dig the sensory deprivation.

  120. 120
    Kathy says:

    Ha, Ha, El Cid!!! I have another one for Goldfart:

    Anta himaar, yaa ibn kalb!! (You are a jackass, you son of a dog!)

    I wish I could write the most delicious Arabic curses, but John would ban me. Himaar is the Arabic word for jackass (donkey), btw.

  121. 121
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @Laura W:

    Why you I oughtta…

    Speaking of black holes of sensory deprivation, I should go to sleep.

    Bon nuit bloggers,

  122. 122
    grumpy realist says:

    What also intrigues me is the assertion that Obama spoke the call to prayer “with a first-class Arabic accent.”….uh, how do they know?

    (Also reminds me of the old schtick that you will get complimented on your Japanese if you’re a gaijin, no matter what. Sort of like encouraging young children. If Japanese are in truth impressed, they’ll compliment you on your accent. )

    Rambling on…one of the funnier conversations I’ve had was when making an international phone call to NASDA, the Japanese space agency, back when making international phone calls wasn’t standard. The secretary on the other end knew I was foreign and wanted to make sure I was understanding her Japanese correctly, so she tried to make it as simple as possible. On the other hand, she didn’t want to be impolite, so she automatically compensated by ramping up the honorific level….to the point of using words one doesn’t find outside of diplomatic circles. I found the combination of baby talk nouns and high-level keigo hilarious.

  123. 123
    TenguPhule says:

    I know how to say “The place where the sun shineth not” in Klatchian.
    What do I win?

    I big fat kiss from “Betty”. :P

  124. 124
    Mentis Fugit says:

    @gnomedad:

    Geek that he is, if Obama is heard to exclaim “Poodoo!”, Goldfarb will accuse him of being a secret Hutt.

    Some of us would assume he was trying to arrange a series of impromptu weddings while under gunfire from Foot Warriors of the Dolmansaxlil [synonym-for-footwear] Corporation.

  125. 125
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    I don’t get it.

    Do these guys … Goldfarb and Ace and Hot Air guy of the day … think they are winning people over with this stuff? Attracting young people to the conservative cause? Attracting anyone?

  126. 126
    Ash Can says:

    Michael Goldfarb…

    eyes glaze over…

    ::headdesk::

    ::headdesk, headdesk, headdesk::

    OK, come on. Did I miss something? Is there some secret right-wing-pundit contest going on in which the one who posts the stupidist shit of all wins a plane ticket to the Bahamas? I mean, what’s the fucking point of Goldfarb writing an article this fucking stupid??

  127. 127
    Mentis Fugit says:

    @Laura W:

    It’s the footwear word that is the issue, for reasons no one has yet been able to decode, as far as I can tell.

    So it’s not because there’s a slang term for “prostitute” in there?

  128. 128
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    @Krista:

    I can sing “Jesus Loves Me” in Eskimo.

    Nope, they never told me what tribe, but since it was in Alaska…

  129. 129
    TenguPhule says:

    I mean, what’s the fucking point of Goldfarb writing an article this fucking stupid??

    It’s Goldfart, that *is* the point.

  130. 130
    Whores d'oevres says:

    ‘Donkey’ in arabic… is my last name. Which I discovered after 3 weeks of the Lebanese lieutenants in my Officer Basic Course class cracking up every time they called roll.

    That would be ‘Hmar’… which is why I pronounce it ‘Hammer’, these days.

    And Mr Goldfarb sure is a hmar.

  131. 131
    Laura W says:

    @Mentis Fugit:

    So it’s not because there’s a slang term for “prostitute” in there?

    No. Go ahead and try it. Sails right through. Many before you have done so and lived to tell the Non-Mod Hell Tale.
    Truly…the Eleventyth Wonder of the e-World.

  132. 132
    jcricket says:

    What I want to know is who stars in Wingnut Event Horizon?

    Or it it a musical? Somewhere, over the wingnut event horizon…

  133. 133
    Zuzu's Petals says:

    @grumpy realist:

    What also intrigues me is the assertion that Obama spoke the call to prayer “with a first-class Arabic accent.”….uh, how do they know?

    Well, it was Nicholas Kristoff, who’s spent a fair amount of time in the Arab world. He meant it as a compliment, and the article’s worth reading again.

  134. 134
    Laura W says:

    @jcricket:

    Somewhere, over the wingnut event horizon…

    For sure Liza Minelli. Don’t you think?
    Headshot as proof: http://www.bubbygram.com/performers/liza.jpg

  135. 135
    valdivia says:

    @Zuzu’s Petals:

    the kristof article also belies the idiocy of the right wingtards that obama spent the campaign hiding he had ‘muslin’ connections.

  136. 136
    noncarborundum says:

    @Blue Raven:

    Jambo = nuqneH

    That’s the extent of my contribution (although “jambo” is considerably more polite, given that the literal meaning of “nuqneH” is “what do you want?”). Good luck with the rest.

  137. 137
    gbear says:

    What I want to know is who stars in Wingnut Event Horizon?
    Or it it a musical? Somewhere, over the wingnut event horizon…

    It’ll be as successful a musical as Lost Horizon.

  138. 138
    El Cid says:

    @jcricket:

    What I want to know is who stars in Wingnut Event Horizon?

    I’m thinking Glenn Beck, since it would just be an outgrowth of his live HD theater ‘comedy’ show tomorrow night. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if microcosmic black holes were liberated by the simultaneous showing of such utter rightwing density in multiple locations around the nation. Would there be quantum idioto-entanglement? Shitty action at a distance?

  139. 139
  140. 140
    Ruckus says:

    nothing to add, just enjoying many great laughs.

  141. 141
    jcricket says:

    Would there be quantum idioto-entanglement? Shitty action at a distance

    Sadly, non-newtonian physics apply on the other side of the wingnut event horizon. There are infinite Glenn Becks.

    Or maybe it’s like Bizzaro-world (in the Superman comics). Or the alternate Star Trek universe where Keith Olbermann is Rush Limbaugh and Rush Limbaugh is a male Rachel Maddow or something.

  142. 142
    Jay in Oregon says:

    There are infinite Glenn Becks.

    Don’t even joke about such a thing…

  143. 143
    El Cid says:

    @Jay in Oregon:

    There are infinite Glenn Becks.

    Yet like a right wing form of neutrinos, almost entirely without mass, yet entirely full of ass.

  144. 144
    jcricket says:

    Yet like a right wing form of neutrinos, almost entirely without mass, yet entirely full of ass.

    However, neutrinos are only theorized, right? Whereas Glenn Beck is very, very real. And if you cut him into pieces, each piece becomes another Glenn Beck. It’s Glenn Beck’s all the way down.

    Or have neutrino’s effects been observed? I had a friend who studied these things and he took trips to some cave a zillion miles underground to do some kind of experiments to prove neutrinos existed. But I can’t remember anything he said, it was all sciency and stuff.

    To prove there are an infinite number of wingnuts I just look at the Internet and talk radio.

  145. 145
    J. Michael Neal says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim:

    “Why do Wingnuts constantly pretend to look for the hidden meanings of a word or a phrase which, even if true, would only be relevant if ten thousand exponentially improbable scenarios also played out?”

    A: Because they can’t get any closer than that laid?

    Fixed.

    Now, come on here. There are a lot of us out here who can’t get laid, and I, for one, object to being compared to Michael Goldfarb.

  146. 146
    Original Lee says:

    @Darkrose: Yeah, my husband and I find it mildly amusing (in a dark way) that despite being Protestants, we have been to more funeral Masses than any other type of funeral services and could probably pass as lapsed Catholics by now.

  147. 147
    Original Lee says:

    BTW, it’s not just that Americans think that English is the only language they need when the go overseas, it’s also that many foreigners are astonished when Americans (try to) speak a language with a degree of fluency. One of my cousins married the daughter of some missionaries who had been stationed in Thailand. She is fluent in Thai, Mandarin Chinese, Ping Chinese, and Malay. We once went to a Chinese restaurant with her, and she totally blew the waiter away by ordering for all of us in Chinese (although I don’t know which dialect she used).

  148. 148
    Steeplejack says:

    @Deborah:

    How many members of the right-wing intelligentsia are secretly unwitting dada performance artists?

    Fix’d.

  149. 149
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Bill E Pilgrim: I know you went to bed, but I just wanted to let you know that the word s h o e s triggers me into–argh! I don’t want to buy any! I hate shopping. I have three pairs of shoe that I wear with regularity. I will probably add one pair of nice dancing s h o e s. That is it.

    Original Lee, I spent a semester abroad in college, mostly in Thailand. By the end, I was fluent in Thai. I was on a remote island, chatting with a local when a very disgruntled (and loud) American came storming up to us and said loudly, “Why doesn’t anyone speak English?” I was utterly mortified, and I flashed the local (man) an apologetic look. I think I translated after that, but it really embarrassed me.

  150. 150
    Anne Laurie says:

    How much more stupid can our discourse get?

    Please — don’t make it a *challenge* to them!

    Also, MattF, thank you for the Zomphist Phrasebook, from which I have every intention of stealing…

  151. 151
    Anne Laurie says:

    @The Grand Panjandrum:

    Now if we can just “turn” Rhode Island, New England will have a sex-fecta!

  152. 152
    Doug says:

    @124: Hence the new category…

    Though I’m interested to find out what wingnuts evolve into after the event horizon.

  153. 153
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @Anne Laurie: I read that as sex-fecal. I have GOT to get better sleep.

  154. 154
    Fulcanelli says:

    @Third Eye Open: Thats’ an old Johnny Carson “Karnac the Magnificent” line reworked… “May the fleas of a thousand camel infest your armpits”.

    Still works though!

  155. 155
    Fulcanelli says:

    @Anne Laurie: It could happen after we ditch our brain-dead Republican Governor which will definitely happen next election.

  156. 156
    dr. luba says:

    You don’t have to be fluent in a language to have a good accent, you merely have to be a good mimic.

    I apparently have that gift–I have been complimented on my Spanish, Italian, French and Japanese accents. I speak passing Spanish, but almost no Italian, French or Japanese (just a few phrases). But I can listen to language tapes, and have the accent down cold in no time. (I can’t remember the words to save my life any more, though. Old age……)

    Speaking two languages as a child helps, as you learn a lot of phonemes that english-only speakers don’t.

    I suspect Obama is a good mimic, having grown up around so many languages. I’ve seen some of his Spanish language commercials, and he sounded pretty good.

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