Good news for Mitt Romney

Like father, like son, I guess:

The son of former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani tried to make a federal case against Duke University for kicking him off the golf team. But a federal magistrate says Andrew Giuliani’s case belongs in the drink.

Wallace Dixon, of North Carolina’s Middle District, offered his opinion on the case this week, in a document peppered with references to golf and the movie “Caddyshack.”

[….]

Duke contends that Giuliani squandered his opportunity to be on the team after flipping a putter, breaking a driver, gunning his car engine in a golf course parking lot and throwing an apple in the face of a teammate. The misconduct got Giuliani bumped off the team last year.

(h/t reader RC)

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104 replies
  1. 1
    Old Gringo says:

    Wallace Dixon, of North Carolina’s Middle District, offered his opinion on the case this week, in a document peppered with references to golf and the movie “Caddyshack.”

    I like this judge already, and I don’t say that often about a judge.

  2. 2
    gbear says:

    Yea, but he’s a spoiled rich pampered jerk, so it’s OK to do that stuff.

  3. 3
    Napoleon says:

    If Andrew Giuliani is kicked off that golf team the terrorist will have won!

    Also noun, verb and 9/11!

    Actually I am half way suprised cross dressing, having an affair while married and maintaining a love nest were not involved as well.

  4. 4
    The Saff says:

    Nut doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

  5. 5
    NonyNony says:

    I like this part:

    Dixon said Robert Ekstrand, the Durham lawyer representing Andrew Giuliani, spoiled his case when he argued that Duke reneged on a contract with the aspiring pro golfer when he was a high school recruit. …Duke, in previous court filings, claims no such contract existed. Giuliani, Duke’s lawyers said, was neither guaranteed a spot on the golf team nor promised lifetime access to the university’s facilities.

    It’s very easy to provide evidence of the existence of a contract – you show the contract to the judge. That way you don’t get into these existential arguments about the contract. If you got an “oral contracts” or somesuch, well, my father raised me with the knowledge that oral contracts are in practice usually worth slightly less than the value of the paper they’re written on.

  6. 6
    fliegr says:

    You mean to tell me that Rudy Giuliani’s kid is an asshole aglow with a sense of entitlement? The hell you say…

  7. 7
    Punchy says:

    Do you lib’rul pantywastes ever consider that maybe Andrew flipped his putter at a terrorist, then broke his driver over said terrorist’s noggin, then gunned the engine to make a speedy getaway to inform the cops and his dad about the existance of Brown Things on his whites-only golf course?

  8. 8
    Keith says:

    The part of that story that jumped out at me was the guy on the golf team who said Giuliani Part Deuxfus shattered an apple on his face from point-blank range. Real class, there.

  9. 9
    harlana pepper says:

    As much as I avoid it, Cheney keeps coming up on my teevee screen. Please. Make it stop.

    (maybe not, this could be good)

  10. 10
    NonWonderDog says:

    Cheney: “blah blah blah 9/11 9/11 9/11 blah blah blah as I hid in an underground bunker at the White House blah blah 9/11 9/11 fear 9/11 blah blah 9/11 fear.”

    FOX News spent three days straight excoriating Joe Biden for saying he visited an underground bunker at the Naval Observatory, and they claimed that Joe Biden had committed one of the worst leaks of state secrets in US history by confirming its existence.

  11. 11
    Face says:

    Did anyone else notice that Lil’ Guiliani tossed an Apple at his teammate, and not a PC?

    See? Even spoiled shitbag Republicans know what junk Apples have become.

  12. 12
    harlana pepper says:

    justifying torture, go man, go

  13. 13
    calling all toasters says:

    I guess we have next year’s NCPAC keynote speaker: a noun, a verb, and liberal ivory-tower Duke University.

  14. 14
    Old Gringo says:

    “Do you lib’rul pantywastes”

    Don’t ask me why but it is actually “panty waist”.

  15. 15
    cleek says:

    a penchant for frivolous litigation is a key skill for golfers these days. Duke will regret this move.

  16. 16
    srv says:

    I think Paul L. needs to get on this one.

    Boy is destined for politics.

  17. 17
    Napoleon says:

    @harlana pepper:

    It is a good thing. The more Cheney is the face of the GOP the better it is for the Dems.

  18. 18
    Old Gringo says:

    I’d like to complain to the management. I accidentally used my actual email address for some comments and they were all “awaiting moderation”.

    On second thought, I regret what I said in most of those comments and don’t mind the fact that they have been “disappeared”.

    Nevermind.

  19. 19
    Ash Can says:

    @ Saff #3: “Nut doesn’t fall too far from the tree.”

    Apple doesn’t fall too far from the horse.

  20. 20
    Michael says:

    9/11 changed everything……

  21. 21
    noncarborundum says:

    @Old Gringo:

    Don’t ask me why but it is actually “panty waist”.

    Close. It’s actually “pantywaist” (one word). Etymonline.com has this to say:

    Pantywaist “weak or effeminate male” is 1936, from a type of child’s garment with short pants that buttoned to the waist of a shirt.

  22. 22
    Eric U. says:

    Isn’t this the kid that Giuliani took to one of his press conferences, and the kid wouldn’t shut up? Even on their worst days, my kids wouldn’t have done that.

  23. 23
    neddie jingo says:

    “Do you lib’rul pantywastes”

    Don’t ask me why but it is actually “panty waist”.

    I dunno — I think I could be described as a waste of perfectly good panties.

  24. 24
    linda says:

    take a look at that smug little prick’s face. doesn’t it just scream ‘entitlement’…

  25. 25
    norbizness says:

    Spalding Smails: I want a hamburger… no, a cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake…

    Judge Smails: You’ll get nothing, and like it.

  26. 26
    cleek says:

    I dunno—I think I could be described as a waste of perfectly good panties.

    or, the waste which has besmirched a formerly-good pair of panties.

  27. 27
    TR says:

    Dick Cheney on TV right now being the biggest asshole I’ve ever seen. It’s like he’s trying to drive his approval ratings into the single digits. Wow.

    My favorite part was how he shifted on a dime from insisting “enhanced interrogation techniques” were totally different from “torture,” to ridiculing Democrats for not wanting to call it a “war on terror” or liking his term “enemy combatants.” Wordplay is important when he does it, but stupid when other people do it.

    Go fuck yourself, Cheney.

  28. 28
    linda says:

    cheney keeps choking on his bilious lies…

  29. 29
    JL says:

    @NonWonderDog: I’m just now watching Obama. He is making a very convincing case. Since I will not watch Cheney, how did his speech compare to Obama’s?

  30. 30
    harlana pepper says:

    unbelievable, this is just un-freaking-believable, criticizing Obama, this cannot stand

  31. 31
    Old Gringo says:

    @noncarborundum

    Nitpicker.

    :-)

    Or is that two words?

    Damn ~! You got me doing it.

  32. 32
    greynoldsct00 says:

    The kid looks like Gary Busy, now we know he acts like him too

  33. 33
    valdivia says:

    like JL I watched Obama’s fantastic grown up speech but refuse to watch Cheney. What is he up to?

  34. 34
    harlana pepper says:

    @linda: I KNOW! I noticed that – it made me wonder for a fleeting moment if he had some semblance of a conscience

    this is just outrageous, I am honestly appalled

    somebody needs to just beat this evil old man with his own cane, beat him senseless

  35. 35
    Rosali says:

    I don’t know why Andrew went to court. Sometimes in life you need to just keep on walking.

  36. 36
    Zifnab says:

    Robert Bork disapproves of your frivolous lawsuits.

  37. 37
    NonWonderDog says:

    Cheney just argued that torture enhanced interrogation can never be a recruitment tool for terrorists, because the terrorists hate us for our freedoms, not our tyranny.

    He is now arguing that releasing the torture memos made us less safe, because Obama handed a propaganda victory to the terrorists.

     
    That’s just about how the entire speech has gone.

  38. 38
    KevinNYC says:

    Actually, I think Andrew Giuliani would be more likely to campaign for Romney than his Dad. I believe both Giuliani kids wouldn’t campaign for him last time because they are still so pissed at how he treated their mother during the the divorce.
    If you remember, he

    Invited reporters and camera crews to a date while he was still married
    Announced he was getting divorced on TV before telling his wife
    Tried to kick his wife out of her house (Gracie Mansion, the mayoral residence). Failing that he tried to get her to agree to let his mistress come over to visit her house where her kids were
    Had his divorce lawyer refer to her as “howling like a stuck pig.” ON MOTHER’S DAY.His Divorce lawyer also said they would have to “drag her out” of Gracie Mansion and she would be “clinging to the chandeliers.”

    So Andrew is not a fan of Rudy

  39. 39
    Bill Belichick says:

    Fifty bucks the Smalls Kid picks his nose.

  40. 40
    Old Gringo says:

    Pantywaist “weak or effeminate male” is 1936, from a type of child’s garment with short pants that buttoned to the waist of a shirt.

    One of my faves: Entymology.com

  41. 41
    Brian J says:

    At least the son has the good sense not to associate with his father. Whatever other issues of entitlement and pettiness he has to deal with, that’s a mark in his favor.

    Actually, I feel kind of bad for that snark–only kind of, though. But really, part of me hopes Giuliani runs for governor and then president some day. He’s leading the charge against gay marriage in New York, and since we already know he has a terrible (if entirely self-inflicted) relationship with his children, I’m looking forward to hear the reasoning some on the right will come up with when they claim a thrice-divorced man whose own children won’t talk to him is the embodiment of family values.

  42. 42
    TR says:

    That’s just about how the entire speech has gone.

    And worse, all the contradictions and self-serving bullshit in his speech has been delivered with a condescending sneer.

    Just wrapped up, and Chris Matthews immediately notes that it’s odd to see Dick Cheney defending the CIA after spending years fighting publicly with them.

    Lawrence O’Donnell says “this was as sleazy a presentation by a vice president as we’ve had since Spiro Agnew. … He lies about the other side repeatedly.” Yep, that’s about right.

  43. 43
    Legalize says:

    Did Cheney take a shot at the President because his speech was lengthy? If so, why does private citizen douche clown Cheney believe that anyone gives a fuck about what he thinks is an appropriate length of a speech given by the sitting president?

  44. 44
    Old Gringo says:

    @zinfab

    Robert Bork disapproves of your frivolous lawsuits.

    Bork’s cred as a true “originalist” are in doubt.

    Representative government and trial by jury are the heart and lungs of liberty. Without them we have no other fortification against being ridden like horses, fleeced like sheep, worked like cattle, and fed and clothed like swine and hounds. —John Adams, 1774

    But to be fair to Judge Bork, he was always more of a “Natural Law” kinda guy.

  45. 45
    harlana pepper says:

    Lawrence O’Donnell: sleaziest presentation since perhaps Spiro Agnew, lies, lies, lies

    I am just glad to see some immediate mainstream outrage, I’m flabbergasted

  46. 46
    valdivia says:

    @NonWonderDog:

    Any bets that the MSM gives Cheney top billing instead of Obama?

  47. 47
    noncarborundum says:

    @Old Gringo:

    One of my faves: Entymology.com

    Now you’re just teasing.

  48. 48
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    @noncarborundum:
    Thanks for pointing out that site – I think. I’ll probably blow half of Labor Day weekend poring over it.

  49. 49
    TR says:

    Jack Rice, former CIA special agent is now mocking Cheney for pretending to be a defender of the CIA and the Constitution. Brings up how Abu Zadiyeh was tortured 183 times with no results. Ouch.

  50. 50
    valdivia says:

    @harlana pepper:

    so glad to hear this! I was sure the Village would be making sure Cheney’s speech was sen as well received.

  51. 51
    R-Jud says:

    @Dennis-SGMM:

    I’ll probably blow half of Labor Day weekend poring over it.

    Jeez, Dennis, talk about planning ahead.

  52. 52
    Old Gringo says:

    Now you’re just teasing.

    I’m quite serious about my teasing.

  53. 53
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    It’s the “Home of the brave,” Dick. You dick.

  54. 54
    GregB says:

    Liz Cheney is going to come out of her pod to defend Count Dracula.

    Go Liz, you ghoulish nepotist.

    -G

  55. 55
    in canaduh says:

    was it a plastic macbook or the macbook pro?

  56. 56
    kay says:

    @valdivia:

    I can’t watch, but I read it. I love that speech very much.

  57. 57
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    @R-Jud:
    At sixty-one, my amusements are a bit circumscribed.

  58. 58
    eric says:

    Dennis, you got circumscribed at 61? didn’t that hurt?

  59. 59
    GregB says:

    9/11 is Dick Cheney’s Mardi Gras.

    He throws beads at Lynn and gets shitfaced and laughs and laughs and laughs.

    -G

  60. 60
    noncarborundum says:

    @Dennis-SGMM:

    Thanks for pointing out that site – I think. I’ll probably blow half of Labor Day weekend poring over it.

    My goodness, you do plan way ahead.

  61. 61
    kay says:

    @valdivia:

    I don’t think Lawrence O’Donnell is representative of them, sadly. Something happened to him. He reached some kind of tipping point. He tells the truth.

  62. 62
    NonWonderDog says:

    @harlana pepper:

    Lawrence’s reaction shows that Cheney’s speech worked.

    -Patrick J. Buchanan

    Remember, it’s all about pissing off the liberals. This or something like it will probably become the next village meme.

  63. 63
    hidflect says:

    Wasn’t Duke the surname of the brothers Randolph and Mortimer who bet $1 that a “negro” could do the same job as the poncy, entitled financier in “Trading Places”?

  64. 64
    AhabTRuler says:

    @Dennis-SGMM: Hey, if you have made it to sixty-one, why not take up Heroin?

  65. 65
    R-Jud says:

    @Dennis-SGMM: I was more concerned about the fact that Labor Day is a few months off yet. Which would actually imply that your calendar is jammed in the meantime.

  66. 66
    Legalize says:

    It was the Dukes! It was the Dukes!

  67. 67
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    O/T Okay this is funny.

    Not so much this part, which is midly amusing:

    GOP Congressman Greets Rahm Emanuel As “You Motherf***er”

    But the funny part is that the guy’s name is “LaTourette”. Talk about aptly named.

  68. 68
    valdivia says:

    @kay:

    his speech was everything i wanted to hear. he is methodically building a system that was destroyed by this fools and making sure it is not torn down after he leaves. we have a smart president.

    what you do get from hearing the speech and not from the text is how pissed he was at having to explain even basic rule of law to the idiots that have been making outrageous arguments against him for the past few weeks.

  69. 69
    Old Gringo says:

    Even Scalia’s rep as an “originalist” is in question.

    Legal History Blog

    Like Entymology.com, – but more legal.

  70. 70
    R-Jud says:

    @Legalize:

    It was the Dukes! It was the Dukes!

    The Thin White Duke?

  71. 71
    MikeJ says:

    Duke Law School was Tricky Dick’s Alma Mater.

  72. 72
    KevinNYC says:

    Giuliani leading the charge against gay marriage is quite rich. And he means he’s going to run again for something.

    During his divorce when he needed a place to live he became the roommate of a gay couple who were friends of his. Rent-free I believe.

    That gay couple got married this month in CT. Rudy was an invited guest and he back out at the last second.

  73. 73
    flukebucket says:

    I like my panties without the waste.

  74. 74
    harlana pepper says:

    david gregory also justifying torture, as is expected

    vomit

  75. 75
    Ash says:

    I can’t even describe how much I hate Dick Cheney. Like….just hearing his voice makes me shudder with rage.

  76. 76
    Michael says:

    It was the Dukes! It was the Dukes!

    Channeling Roscoe P Coltrane?

  77. 77
    valdivia says:

    @harlana pepper:

    but of course, he dances with Rove so these guys are his buddies and he must defend them. can we just get rid of them all?

  78. 78
    Old Gringo says:

    -Patrick J. Buchanan
    Remember, it’s all about pissing off the liberals.

    Not many people are aware of what has dribbled from this man’s mouth. It is a real shame he has a soapbox to stand on and a megaphone to shout though.

    You just wait until 1996, then you’ll see a real right-wing tyrant.
    — Pat Buchanan, just before he announced his candidacy for the 1996 presidential election in 1995

  79. 79
    lilysmom says:

    Every time I hear the name of Rudy Guiliani, the movie poster from Saw comes to mind.

  80. 80
    Mike in NC says:

    FOX News spent three days straight excoriating Joe Biden for saying he visited an underground bunker at the Naval Observatory, and they claimed that Joe Biden had committed one of the worst leaks of state secrets in US history by confirming its existence.

    I almost got assigned the job of managing one of those underground bunkers, and for a brief time had this fantasy of bumping into Cheney as he tried to find the head in the middle of the night.

  81. 81
    Old Gringo says:

    I can’t even describe how much I hate Dick Cheney. Like….just hearing his voice makes me shudder with rage.

    I disagree. Without Cheney-Bush, the GOP brand would still be viable. We owe them. They did America a great service.

  82. 82
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @noncarborundum:

    One of my faves: Entymology.com

    Is that a site about the origins of words run by bugs or something??

  83. 83
    JL says:

    Political wire said that Obama’s speech was about the future while Cheney’s speech was about the past. Cheney is all about protecting himself.
    Cheney was hoping that Bush would not only pardon Libby but pardon him against future litigation. Now he’s a bitter old cranky man.

  84. 84
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    @R-Jud:
    Thanks for not pointing out my senile confusing of the two “Day weekends”. Who knows where the time goes?

  85. 85
    kay says:

    @valdivia:

    Me too. A beautiful thing, that speech. I’ll try to listen to it at some point, but the text is perfect.
    I couldn’t be happier with someone finally laying it out. About time. I learned this in 7th grade, and I wasn’t a particularly good student, either.
    Why did it take so long to say it? I’ll be crushed if Americans reject it.

  86. 86
    Ash says:

    @kay: The text was good, but there were some key moments where he deviated from the prepared remarks.

  87. 87
    Cat G says:

    It should be noted that a couple of years ago Bork sued the Yale Club for $1 million for a slip and fall accident. Damn those scurrilous ambulance chasing lawyers…oh….wait.

  88. 88
    Old Gringo says:

    Is that a site about the origins of words run by bugs or something??

    Damn!

    Busted.

    Etymology. I always do that.

  89. 89
    Bill E Pilgrim says:

    @Old Gringo:

    Sorry, didn’t mean to, wait for it…. nitpick.

  90. 90
    cleek says:

    i prefer Entenmannsology.com . it’s all about cookies and donuts.

  91. 91
    Quaker in a Basement says:

    The judge threw out his lawsuit and quoted Caddyshack in the process?

    Ouch! I bet that stung.

  92. 92
    Comrade Darkness says:

    @R-Jud, Nah. Daisy.

    Ah, Michael AKA General Lee beat me to it.

  93. 93
    "Fair and Balanced" Dave says:

    Wallace Dixon, of North Carolina’s Middle District, offered his opinion on the case this week, in a document peppered with references to golf and the movie “Caddyshack.”

    After reading the article, the line from “Caddyshack” that immediately comes to mind is, “Now I know why tigers eat their young”!

  94. 94
    Mel says:

    Kid isn’t all bad–hasn’t spoken to daddy in a long time. Everyone should empathize with a kid from a broken family and a dysfunctional father.

  95. 95
    Mike Licht says:

    The Andy Giuliani case hasn’t done much for law or the sport, but it sure has revived the Golf Joke.

    See:

    http://notionscapital.wordpres.....golf-tour/

  96. 96
    binzinerator says:

    @fliegr:

    You mean to tell me that Rudy Giuliani’s kid is an asshole aglow with a sense of entitlement?

    ‘Assholes Aglow’ is just crying out for John to add it as a new category.

    Trouble is, it describes pretty well most goopers so it’d fill up pretty rapidly.

  97. 97
    gil mann says:

    The judge threw out his lawsuit and quoted Caddyshack in the process?

    “Plaintiff is not all right.”

    Not so much a quote as a reference, but it’d be awesome if he cut a hole in a manila folder, stuck his hand through it, and gave Giuliani the finger.

  98. 98

    First the lacrosse team, now the golf team. Are any of the candy-assed white guy sports at Duke immune from scandal? How long before Paul L. shows up and starts crying “miscarriage of justice”? Any takers?

  99. 99
    Quaker in a Basement says:

    Wow! The judge compared the Giuliani kid to Carl Spackler? Any dang fool can see that young Giuliani is more like Sterling Smails than Carl Spackler

    It’s bad enough when judges rewrite the Constitution, but rewriting Caddyshack?!? It’s torch and pitchfork time!

  100. 100
    Joanne says:

    Is Andrew the kid who was mugging when his father was making a speech a long while ago? Rudy was married to Donna Hanover at the time. He was an obnoxious kid then and if he’s the one I remember, it looks he didn’t grow out of it.

  101. 101

    @Joanne

    Is Andrew the kid who was mugging when his father was making a speech a long while ago? Rudy was married to Donna Hanover at the time. He was an obnoxious kid then and if he’s the one I remember, it looks he didn’t grow out of it.

    Yeah, he’s a pig-eyed little sack of shit isn’t he. It’s no wonder that tubby’s going out for golf, waddling from his cart to the green is probably about all that that fat little toad can do without getting winded.

    Speaking of fat guys getting winded I’m about to go to the gym. I love working out. I started lifting weights lately, taking it easy so I don’t break anything and I do a lot of cardio but today I’m afraid to go because I know that at least four of the TVs there will be tuned to Faux News or it’s retarded brother CNN which will be showing either

    The Cheney Speech or excerpts from the Cheney speech.
    Villagers on CNN commenting on the Cheney speech and talking about how this is a setback for Obama.
    The usual group of short-bus riding, incontinent window-lickers on Faux saying “Oh yeah, you da man Dick Cheney”.
    Those fucking annoying ads run by “Conservatives for Health Insurance Companies” or whatever they’re called where they talk about how health care is horrible in England and Canada because everyone is taxed to pay for abortions and sex-change surgery for DFHs, negros, muslims and illegal immigrants but you can’t have anesthesia, the wait for an MRI is 3,600 years and old people are left on ice floes to die.

    You know, now that I think about it the most painful part of my workout is watching the goddamned TVs at the gym.

  102. 102
    debbie says:

    @Joanne:

    “Is Andrew the kid who was mugging when his father was making a speech a long while ago?”

    Yes, it was during his father’s inauguration speech as Mayor. Even better was the SNL take-off with Chris Farley playing Andrew.

  103. 103
    Ray Radlein says:

    “A noun and a verb and a nine-iron”

  104. 104
    Kilkee says:

    Odd about Andrew. By all accounts his sister Caroline is a lovely person. And loathes her Dad, to boot, which supports the notion that she’s a fine young lady.

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