Hoot Smalley and Other Such Things

This album artwork was emailed to me to commemorate Michelle Bachmann’s latest round of nonsense:

If you don’t understand, read this.

108 replies
  1. 1

    Does she have kids? I’m just wondering. I’ll bet she keeps those thighs tightly clamped for anything but procreation.

  2. 2
    Josh Hueco says:

    Those who fail to learn from history make those who studied it in grad school despair.

  3. 3
    John Cole says:

    Still drinking, I see, harlana.

  4. 4
    Beauzeaux says:

    How does anyone as stupid as Bachmann manage to dress themselves in the morning?

    Hmm. Maybe I don’t really want an answer to that question.

  5. 5
    Mr. Stuck says:

    I guess the “Smalley” thing must be a dig at Franken and his Stuart Smalley. She’s not a bad looking woman. Too bad she’s got a walnut size brain. “The Bachmann Boggie” lordy sakes alive, as my grandma used to say.

  6. 6
    Fierce Pika says:

    Hoot Smalley is funny enough to become a meme. Someone needs to start making real recordings, I’m serious. You couldn’t have dreamed up a more perfect psuedonym to represent wingnuttia if you tried, and that the name comes from a Bachmann spoonerism is just the icing on the cake.

  7. 7
    Wag says:

    Those who fail to learn from history make those who studied it pee their pants laughing.

  8. 8
    Nylund says:

    That “Ma Belle” bit has me singing “I’m like Ma Bell, I’ve got the ill communications.”

  9. 9
    JK says:

    Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to science. I can only imagine what scientists would find if they could cut slices from her brain and examine them.

  10. 10

    John: yeppers!

    my apologies for the inevitable drunken sexism remarks
    :p

  11. 11
    Dreggas says:

    Stephen Colbert needs to sue this woman for IP theft…

  12. 12
    demkat620 says:

    Does she make Rich Lowry see starbursts too?
    What. A. Clown.

  13. 13
    handy says:

    Christ, that woman is less sentient than a sack of rocks.

  14. 14
    John Cole says:

    @Nylund: I was thinking the Beatles- Michelle.

  15. 15
    geg6 says:

    This woman, Michelle Bachmann, is a national treasure. We MUST keep her in Congress. Where’s Laura W? Can we put some of the proceeds from John’s Balloon Juice store toward her reelection campaigns in perpetuity? Not all of it; just a little. I promise the rest will go to the animal shelters. Pleeeeaaaaase?

  16. 16

    she needs a good smackin’

    i’m game

    stupid, ignorant bitch

  17. 17
    Ned R. says:

    To be fair, the art of the spoonerism is widespread. This was, however, a spectacular example of it at work.

  18. 18
    demimondian says:

    Stop it, all of you! Stop picking on Michelle!

    Can’t you see she’s disabled? She has a prosthetic head!

  19. 19
    MikeJ says:

    While the whole concept of a right wing folk singer is pretty funny, parody will have to go a long way to top earnestness:

    http://www.conelrad.com/media/.....platter=25

  20. 20
    Mr. Stuck says:

    @harlana pepper:

    my apologies for the inevitable drunken sexism remarks

    I have a tin ear on qualifying sexism most of the time. But “I’ll drop my tea bag in your harbor, honey” seems like at least right up to the line.

  21. 21
    schrodinger's cat says:

    Shorter Bachmann
    I iz in Ur Congress, being stupid

  22. 22
    Joshua Norton says:

    Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to science.

    Good idea. Someone could use it to keep their papers from blowing off their desk.

  23. 23
    JK says:

    Ignorance is Strength
    Palin/Bachmann 2012

  24. 24
    Laura W Darling says:

    @geg6: I’m just the idea person. You don’t want me anywhere near the finances.
    Have at it!

  25. 25
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    I’m disappointed that the album didn’t include Hoot’s rendition of Dan Hicks’ “How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?”

  26. 26
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @harlana pepper: When you sober up, John will still be fat.

  27. 27
    ChristianPinko says:

    You must admit, she makes a convincing argument that Al Franken shouldn’t be seated. After all, do we really need two comedians from Minnesota in Congress?

  28. 28
    Incertus says:

    I’m at the point now where I expect Bachman to pull off the mask to reveal a still-alive Andy Kaufman who’s been pulling the world’s longest practical joke.

  29. 29

    Being a Brit I have to admit I know absolutely nothing of which Bachman speaks, I just know (through blogs) that she was so totally wrong that it defies belief.

  30. 30
    El Cid says:

    RESPECT MAH MINORITAY!!!

  31. 31

    Amazing the Dems can’t knock her off. Just put together a highlight reel, and she’s gone.

  32. 32
    geg6 says:

    Laura W Darling: Perfect! As a financial aid officer, finances are what I do. I think a presidential exploratory committee should be our ultimate goal. Palin/Bachmann 2012!

  33. 33
    Laura W Darling says:

    @Mr. Stuck: ‘Member the good old days here, Stuck, when you nearly had to pre-qualify as to your level of highness or drunkeness to post? “LauraW +4”, etc? The archives are full of our host posting and commenting all lit up and stuff. He was funny. And fun.

    Not sure when it became a bad thing to comment with a little buzz on. Especially if one is not combative or unnecessarily crass. (I know that’s subjective.) Heck…I’d post: “Shitting (or Sitting?) On The Cock Of The Ghey” as a song title but I’m afraid I’d be called out and mocked for my Pinot Grigio consumption.

  34. 34

    […] Bachmann again shows the dumb again. In a related thread over at Balloon Juice, the following; comment : Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to […]

  35. 35
    cmorenc says:

    Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to science. I can only imagine what scientists would find if they could cut slices from her brain and examine them.

    They’d need to be *very* thin slices, or else there wouldn’t be enough samples for even the dozen students in a graduate-level lab seminar to work with, let alone a team doing serious scientific research.

  36. 36
    John Cole says:

    @Laura W Darling: Who said it was a bad thing?

  37. 37
    Beauzeaux says:

    Dennis-SGMM, God bless you for being a Dan Hicks fan.

  38. 38
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    @geg6:

    Palin/Bachmann 2012!

    Nuh -uh! Bachmann/Beck 2012. Like I wrote in another post, ya’ gotta put Glenn Beck on the ticket to attract the moderates.

  39. 39

    @Laura W Darling:

    Hey Laura Food Lion has decided to discontinue their Yellow Tail Pinot Grigo so they reduced it to $3.00 a bottle, hmmmmmm whats a girl to do? I bought all of them, so I am +1 (bottle) right now so everything I say after this point has to be forgiven, cause, well just it was the Wallabee talking.

  40. 40
    Mr. Stuck says:

    @Laura W Darling:

    I think Cole was just teasing Harlana. Personally, I like it when drunken wymen post and talk trash. One of the life’s treats:)

  41. 41
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    @Beauzeaux:
    “Canned Music” is on my personal Top Ten.

  42. 42
    Third Eye Open says:

    @Fierce Pika:

    Smalley is a lovely little hamlet in northern England, known for its white bells. Some of us had to suffer through elementary school as a fat kid with that name, cut us some slack

  43. 43
    p.a. says:

    To paraphrase Blind Melon Chitlin’, the wingers ‘been dumb so long, looks like smart’ to ’em.

    I second keeping Bachmann on the public dole, but do we really need to impose her on Minnesotans? Not everyone in her district is insane. Create the Office of National Joker, or Rapture Preparedness, or Minister to the RNC. With a weekly mandatory presser.

  44. 44
    freelancer says:

    How does anyone as stupid as Bachmann manage to dress themselves in the morning?

    “Michelle has AIDES, she thinks having AIDES is a good thing for people, and if it were up to her, she would mandate that every American has AIDES.” [say it out oud]

    (Sorry, I just watched Jared has Aidslast night. )

  45. 45
    Seebach says:

    She’s not a bad looking woman. Too bad she’s got a walnut size brain.

    I was afraid I was the only person who thought this. I never got the Sarah Palin thing, but our crazy Michelle has a certain something besides schitzophrenia.

  46. 46
    Seebach says:

    She’s not a bad looking woman. Too bad she’s got a walnut size brain.

    I was afraid I was the only person who thought this. I never got the Sarah Palin thing, but our crazy Michelle has a certain something besides schitzophrenia.

  47. 47
    Brian J says:

    You know, even though I’ve been a big social science guy my whole life, I’m pretty forgiving when it comes to slightly botching historical facts and events. I defended Joe Biden, for instance, when he made his comments about Roosevelt being on television during the Great Depression, because even though his facts were badly mixed up, his point about F.D.R. and communication made sense. Now, this just might be the partisan in me talking, but I don’t see how you can defend any of what Bachmann’s saying. Again, it’d be one thing if her message made sense overall, but it doesn’t. So in addition to being wrong, she’s not even coherent.

  48. 48
    kid bitzer says:

    okay, but question: who’s the guy in the hat on the album-cover?

    it doesn’t look like franken. looks more like michael palin (but why him?)

    i ain’t getting that part of the joke.

  49. 49
    kid bitzer says:

    plus: anyone else remember when pogo characters used to say “hawley smoot!” as a mangling of “holy smoke!”?

  50. 50
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    @p.a.:

    To paraphrase Blind Melon Chitlin’, the wingers ‘been dumb so long, looks like smart’ to ‘em.

    Just because I can Your Blues Name Generator

    -Old Gumbo Bradley

  51. 51
    El Cid says:

    By the way, where was they a racin’ when FDR passed Hoot Smalley? Did he end up winnin’? Was it a clean race? And was ol’ Hoot hittin’ the hooch while he was a racin’?

  52. 52
    JK says:

    Math Problem
    Which number is smaller?
    A. The combined IQs of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann
    B. Mariano Rivera’s career ERA

    Palin + Bachmann = The Dimmer Twins

  53. 53
    Brian J says:

    She’s not a bad looking woman.

    This is sort of embarrassing to admit, but I have this bizarre attraction to Bachmann, or at least her looks. She’s better looking than most of the other “hotties” the right trots out as their own. Maybe it’s because I have a thing for cougarish woman (Sela Ward, Teri Hatcher, and so on), but she gets me every time I see her.

    Of course, then she opens her mouth, at which point I die a little on the inside.

  54. 54
    Laura W Darling says:

    @Litlebritdifrnt: Thanks for the tip! I will definitely stop at ours. My new hot buy (as it was in 2006) is the Crane Lake Pinot Grigio. 4.99/bottle at the natural foods market, with a 10% case discount. Obscenely cheap for the quality.
    So anything I say after this is the crane talking.

  55. 55
    LD50 says:

    Good lord. Is this where our Michele got “Hoot Smalley”?

  56. 56
    El Cid says:

    ALDI’s always got $3 bottles of the house brands.

  57. 57
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Dennis-SGMM: That’s prolly the most accurate name generator evah.

    -Boney Bad Boy Brown

  58. 58
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    Obama is holding a press conference to mark the end of his first hundred days in office. Three more and he’ll have held more press conferences than Bush did in eight years.

  59. 59

    Damn that is one good looking, rational, well spoken, serious POTUS on my tee vee right now. *sigh*

  60. 60
    asiangrrlMN says:

    Please, please, please make her go away. I don’t think she is attractive at all (neither is La Palina, in my opinion) because to me, abject stupidity is a boner- killer. Er, you know what I mean.

    Gah! I would rip out my hair by the roots if it weren’t my best feature and I weren’t so damn vain about it (it reaches my butt, and it took a long time to get it that long). She drives me to drink–and I’m allergic to alcohol!

    GAAAAAAAAAAH!

    P.S. It’s Michele Bachmann. Short one ‘L’ and a few brain cells, has one to many ‘Ns’ and wingnuttery ideas.

    P.P.S. Her hubby does gay reversion therapy (yes, I know it’s not called that) at a local college that doesn’t allow dancing because it’s too much like sex.

    P.P.P.S. They have five children and have fostered over twenty kids.

    P.P.P.P.S. I’m Jailhouse Eyes Rivers. Weird.

  61. 61
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead:
    Hmmm, my first try yielded Limp Johnson Johnson.

  62. 62
    Laura W Darling says:

    @Just Some Fuckhead:
    Pretty Bones Bailey.
    I mean, what else could it be?

  63. 63
    JL says:

    @Brian J:

    Of course, then she opens her mouth, at which point I die a little on the inside.

    As you should!

  64. 64
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    @Laura W Darling: Hollerin’ Mama Bailey?

  65. 65
    chrome agnomen says:

    bitchhell mockman

  66. 66

    “it corrodes the character of a country” OMFG…. he is quoting Churchill and doing it brilliantly….

  67. 67
    JK says:

    @asiangrrlMN: I respect your opinion, but it seems clear that many millions of young and not so young men (including many members of the MSM) differ with you regarding the degree of physical attractiveness of Palin and, to a lesser degree, Bachmann.

  68. 68
    ArchPundit says:

    The problem with Bachman is I will now forever be saying Hoot Smalley—she’s like the friggen macarena.

  69. 69
    LD50 says:

    Here’s what really happened: When Franklin Roosevelt took office, unemployment was already about 25%. And the tariff referred to here was actually the Smoot-Hawley bill, co-authored by Republicans Sen. Reed Smoot of Utah and Rep. Willis Hawley of Oregon, and signed into law by President Herbert Hoover.

    Well, obviously Senators Hoot and Smalley were RINOs who should have been driven out of the Republican party.

  70. 70
    Calouste says:

    @Brian J:

    IIRC Biden’s comment was an unprepared comment, or an answer to a question, where Bachmann made a speech on the floor of the House, for which you might expect some preparation.

  71. 71
    Jon H says:

    @JK: “Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to science. I can only imagine what scientists would find if they could cut slices from her brain and examine them.”

    It’d get mixed up with the monkey brain specimens.

  72. 72
    Joel says:

    @JK: Too much dopamine, a few extra chromosomes, and prion disorder.

  73. 73
    JK says:

    @Jon H: @Joel: LOL

    I want to see a Palin/Bachmann ticket. It would be the Mount Everest of comedy events.

  74. 74
    Derek says:

    I think I won at Blues Name Generator.

    Old Bones Jones. Aw, yeah.

    My Dad is even better, with his middle initial the only difference.

    Old Sugar Jones.

    And one of my brothers.

    Toothless Foot Jones.

    We would be the greatest family band ever.

  75. 75
    Paul L. says:

    I remember the nutroots not questioning this great Historian.
    Obama Claims His Uncle Liberated Auschwitz
    I am told that he is a constitutional law professor.

  76. 76
    Jim says:

    anyone else remember when pogo characters used to say “hawley smoot!” as a mangling of “holy smoke!”?

    Yes, I do. And anyone who remembers that should not be calling themselves “Kid”.

  77. 77
    ice9 says:

    The guy on the album cover is just the most cowboy-looking Google image/extra large image size I could find on short notice. He’s blameless in this matter.

    And I’ll revise the album cover with the ten best song suggestions y’all put up. I’d a done better but I’ve been drinking all afternoon, pretty much.

    ice 9

  78. 78
    LD50 says:

    I remember the nutroots not questioning this great Historian.
    Obama Claims His Uncle Liberated Auschwitz
    I am told that he is a constitutional law professor.

    ACORN! AYERS! SOCIAL|ST! MICHAEL MOORE IS FAT!

  79. 79
    SGEW says:

    ahem

    Blind Killer Eyes Bailey.

    Naturally.

  80. 80
    kid bitzer says:

    @76–
    objects in the internet may be older than they appear.

    …as many people have found out on ‘dating services’.

    yeah, i’m as old as hell, but handle aside i don’t make any attempt to hide it.

  81. 81
    kid bitzer says:

    oh, and ice9?

    if that’s your work in the album cover, then you did real good.
    my hat’s off to you.

  82. 82
    gbear says:

    @Paul L.:

    Thank you for that display of how little you got.

  83. 83
    gbear says:

    @Dennis-SGMM:

    Fat Dog Lee

    FDL. Hmmm, why do I suddenly feel so outraged that I can barely type thru my tears?

  84. 84
    Ash Can says:

    Oh, em, eff, gee…I think I hurt myself laughing at this thread. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the gibson I had while doing dishes this evening, nor the couple of Goose Island 312s I washed it down with, either. But lawdamercy, you guys are hitting a ton tonight.

    And ice9, you rock.

    And so does Walt Kelly.

  85. 85
    demimondian says:

    @Dennis-SGMM: Muddy Legs Lee. I like it.

  86. 86
    Beauzeaux says:

    I defended Joe Biden, for instance, when he made his comments about Roosevelt being on television during the Great Depression, because even though his facts were badly mixed up, his point about F.D.R. and communication made sense.

    Biden’s comment makes a hell of a lot more sense when you know that he meant radio, not television. FDR was addressing his constituents via radio well before he became President. (I saw one article indicate that FDR was broadcasting as early as 1928, but I can’t find that source at the moment.)

  87. 87
    Roger the Cabin Boy says:

    @harlana pepper

    Does she have kids? I’m just wondering. I’ll bet she keeps those thighs tightly clamped for anything but procreation.

    And self-pleasuring herself while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

  88. 88
    some guy named comrade mattski says:

    @Dennis-SGMM:

    Jailhouse Liver Lee

    Now that’s a blue’s name!

    What’s the topic? oh yea right Michelle Bachmann’s, sack of doornobs, insulting to door nobs yadda yadda yadda

  89. 89
    asiangrrlMN says:

    @LD50: I like your response to wingnuttery. I think it should be repeated every time one posts here.

    ACORN!
    BILL AYERS!
    MICHAEL MOORE IS FAT!

    If nothing else, it will amuse me.

  90. 90
    Delia says:

    Pretty Bones River.

    I don’t think the random blues name generator has enough names in it.

  91. 91
    Delia says:

    @Roger the Cabin Boy:

    And self-pleasuring herself while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

    Aack. That image is stuck in my brain and is ruining my night. I want Hoot-Smalley back.

  92. 92
    SGEW says:

    @Delia:

    Here ya go: fixd?

    And Hooting her Smalley while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

    i cn haz meme now?

  93. 93
    Steeplejack says:

    @ice9:
    Song suggestions:

    “Malkin After Midnight”
    “Foggy Bottom Breakdown”
    “Prop 9 on My Mind”
    “Are You Sure Ronnie Done It This Way?”
    “Make the World Go Away”

    Oops, sorry, that last one is a real country song, but I think Hoot Smalley does awesome covers.

    –Blind Lemon Pledge

  94. 94
    El Cid says:

    From the NYT, also, too:

    “I’m not hurt by Arlen Specter walking away,” said Michael Reagan, the son of former President Ronald Reagan and a conservative talk show host. “At least now the party doesn’t waste money supporting someone who does not support the party.” “It’s interesting that people say the right has taken over the Republican Party — but no one can say what we’ve done,” Mr. Reagan said. “We’ve been closeted for the last eight years; it’s time for the right to come out of the closet.”

    Who could disagree?

  95. 95
    OriGuy says:

    On the topic of hottish wingnuts, I go for Janine Turner from the Northern Exposure TV show. She campaigned for Sarah Palin.

    — Boney Bad Boy Parker

  96. 96
    Roger the Cabin Boy says:

    @Delia

    And self-pleasuring herself while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

    Aack. That image is stuck in my brain and is ruining my night. I want Hoot-Smalley back.

    My sincerest apologies. I hope you’ve recovered by now.

  97. 97
    Roger the Cabin Boy says:

    And @SGEW

    Here ya go: fixd?

    And Hooting her Smalley while looking at a full-sized poster of W in that flight suit.

    cn haz meme now?

    My sincerest thanks. And I’m consumed with envy that I didn’t think of it first. That belongs in the Urban Dictionary.

  98. 98
    HerrBerr says:

    The wonderful reference to John Galt on the album cover raised a thought I’ve been harboring for a while – does anyone else enjoy the irony of hundreds of blue-collar, semi-educated white men, who are essentially identical, marching and chanting in blissful unison and blindly repeating out-of-context quotations (supplied to them by their leaders) regarding Ayn Rand in general and John Galt in particular?

  99. 99
    Bret says:

    Seriously? Has this bitch never seen Ferris Bueller?

  100. 100
    GranFalloon says:

    Y’know, my grampappy used to buy his corn mash from ol’ Hoot Smalley. Lived down in the holler.

  101. 101
    ice9 says:

    98–on that topic–Bachman cribbed her Hoot Smalley reference straight from a tortured and nonsensical (though nonetheless unrelentingly positive) review of Amity Shlaes’ ‘analysis’ of economics and FDR and the Great Depression–a theoretical academic made the gaffe first, while reviewing another putative academic, as repeated by a putative puta. So she’s not even stupid enough to make up her own–she steals others’, without any sense that there’s any problem anywhere. What’s dumber: repeating someone else’s very dumb thing, or making up your own?

    ice

  102. 102
    Libertina says:

    @HerrBerr: I’ve made note of the irony, but haven’t been able to enjoy it. I might could if it wasn’t wrecking the dating pool here in this sadly red county in Dallas/Fort Worth suburbia.

  103. 103

    @NYT

    “I’m not hurt by Arlen Specter walking away,” said Michael Reagan, the son of former President Ronald Reagan and a conservative talk show host. “At least now the party doesn’t waste money supporting someone who does not support the party.” “It’s interesting that people say the right has taken over the Republican Party — but no one can say what we’ve done,” Mr. Reagan said. “We’ve been closeted for the last eight years; it’s time for the right to come out of the closet.”

    Funny, I’d always thought after hearing about General Edwin Walker and Larry Craig that the right was more into public toilets than they were into closets.

  104. 104
    Nick says:

    Hoot Smalley! I knew it sounded like something or someone, and this is classic.

  105. 105
    Ramon says:

    Hey, I just did a wiki on ‘Hoot Smalley’ and was redirected to Michele Bachmann. Is this normal? The wiki page has no mention of the gaffe, though. Just saying..

  106. 106
    Paul L. says:

    I am confused. According to the progressive narrative Herbert Hoover was a free marketeer who let the economy crash by not regulating it enough.

    How does that square with him signing Smoot-Hawley?

  107. 107
    SnarkIntern says:

    @Paul L.:

    I am confused.

    Noted.

  108. 108

    […] mangled the history of Smoot-Hawley, misatttributing it to FDR and Democrats and accidentally spoonerizing the legislation, and either the day before or the day after, she incorrectly asserted that the last time we had a […]

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  1. […] mangled the history of Smoot-Hawley, misatttributing it to FDR and Democrats and accidentally spoonerizing the legislation, and either the day before or the day after, she incorrectly asserted that the last time we had a […]

  2. […] Bachmann again shows the dumb again. In a related thread over at Balloon Juice, the following; comment : Michele Bachmann should donate her brain to […]

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