The Wisdom Of Honky-Hop

Want to have some fun? Try reading this post about the GOP “budget” while watching Memento with a friend who has never seen the movie. The movie is a mindfuck and there I am trying to snort quietly, which only makes my friend think I am laughing at her for missing something important. Thanks, Gavin, you bastard.

The GOP budget plan is an epic fail in the same sense as the European Sega Mega Drive version of Zero Wing. The game could have been perfectly fine, but the mangled translation in one cut scene (“…All your base are belong to us”) had a weird resonance that will keep it alive on the internet forever. For some reason it feels fuzzy to see someone illustrate his own defects so graphically and concisely.

Naturally I couldn’t resist piling on. Then I found out that my entry looks a lot like this one at Fark (scroll about 2/3 down the page), which proves that someone else grew up at about the same time as I did*.

After looking at my creation for a while I realized that my plan beats theirs on every possible level. This is not even a concern troll comment. The GOP would honestly be better off if they listened to my inane plan instead of theirs. My plan even contains a practical plan of action.
In other words in five minutes, inspired by an embarrassment to both white people and hip hop, I came up with a superior strategy document. So did some dude at Fark. The scary thing is this might well be the very best they can do.
(*) I feel kind of guilty, so read his blog here. He also homebrews, which is kind of spooky.






53 replies
  1. 1
    vacuumslayer says:

    It’s not as big a mindfuck as Bad Education. Just sayin’…

  2. 2
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    How about Stop Drop and Roll?

  3. 3
    vacuumslayer says:

    Or as self-indulgent and WTF-inducing as "Mullholland Drive."

  4. 4
    tofubo says:

    for those that can’t understand the above graphic but remember the connect four commercial

    here, diagonally

    oh, and to most of the elected in washington (nsfw-but play loud anyway):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ITZBBV8Syg

  5. 5
    stickler says:

    The dude blogs, brews, and so forth not five miles from my house.

    But he seems to have no kids yet, and is young, so I must therefore hate him. Despite his Fark-Fu.

  6. 6
    beltane says:

    These GOP-inspired diagrams are almost a type of art form. They are like a psychedelic crossword puzzle, meets Venn diagram, meets Mad-Libs kind of thing. Thank you, House Republican leadership, for providing us with this wonderfully creative form of entertainment.

  7. 7
    MattF says:

    But… but… he uses a teleprompter.

  8. 8
    Emma Anne says:

    I think I will do a blueprint of my house, with a box that says "house" and bubbles that say "rooms", "roof", and "plumbing."

  9. 9
    Ed Marshall says:

    I’m was going to start my first batch from grain tonight on a 40 qt. setup. I’m about $2k over what I thought it would it cost and I thought it was going to cost quite a bit. Right before I got started I realized I was an electric pump short of what I needed because I’d put the mash tun over the 40 qt. boil pot and can’t use gravity to get where I’m going.

    Does it get better?

  10. 10
    Stooleo says:

    STOP! COLLABORATE, AND….. listen..

    Republicans take heed.

    Total win, Tim.

  11. 11
    Fern says:

    @Ed Marshall:

    I have no idea if it gets better, but you have my best wishes, and if necessary, my condolences.

  12. 12
    Ed Marshall says:

    @Fern:

    ehhh, I got a nice pale ale that’s going into the kegerator tonight from malt extract so all isn’t lost, but moving to all grain is turning into a never ending project.

  13. 13
    Ash says:

    Ahhh, look at that! The GOP helped you find your soulmate!

  14. 14
    Tim F. says:

    Does it get better?

    That’s like asking whether knitting ought to be fun when it starts with shaving the sheep. If you had fun then the answer is yes. If not then maybe mixed extract and grain brewing will work better.

    As for me, there’s a secondary tub across the room with some wee heavy that I might bottle on Sunday. I’m having a great time.

  15. 15
    DougJ says:

    Funny stuff.

  16. 16
    SpotWeld says:

    Okay… I can see a right-wing blog posting a useless bit of nothing on "a better budget plan"

    But what they heck happened to the GOP that they end up doing this.

    There used to be a serious GOP, right?

  17. 17
    robertdsc says:

    Memento

    Carrie-Anne Moss. Mmmmm.

  18. 18
    dmsilev says:

    @SpotWeld:

    There used to be a serious GOP, right?

    Yes, the Eisenhower administration. It’s been all downhill from there.

    -dms

  19. 19
    David says:

    The Republican Road to Recovery; turn right on Sour Grapes Boulevard and head straight toward the Dead End.

  20. 20
    forked tongue says:

    Here’s a Venn diagram someone can draw up for me:

    Two circles side by side, with no overlap.

    The first says "Shit you can make up." The second says "This shit."

  21. 21
    cyntax says:

    @dmsilev:

    You know, that’s kind of an interesting way to think about it. I mean he did warn us about the whole military industrial complex thing, and really he should get way more credit for that than Nixon did for opening China.

    What if the GOP had continued in that vien, I wonder where we’d be now?

  22. 22
    camchuck says:

    Someone can diagram this one:
    (Teleprompter) – (GOP "budget") – [Republican Road to Recovery] – (Peak Wingnut Theory) – (Shredder)

  23. 23
    MikeJ says:

    There used to be a serious GOP, right?

    It all ended at Ford’s Theater.

  24. 24
    Ed Marshall says:

    Nixon in China is an opera worth revisiting. I was listening to this section where Nixon is singing to Mao about how he must want China to be poor or he should be investing in the NYSE. Mao may not have heeded that but his decendents did. If you can find that watch it, it’s fascinating given what has happened between now and then.

  25. 25
    mgordon says:

    If history tells us anything, following your plan quite possibly will result in them coming back with a new invention.

  26. 26
    cleek says:

    what i really like about that graph is that it is directionless. nothing in it says "and then we move from this step to the next". there is no state, no flow. in other words: there are no arrows from one step to another. the steps just… are.

    so, there’s this unexplained linkage between four vague sentence fragments. what links them isn’t clear; what they even are isn’t clear. it’s Dada. it’s a novelty Markov chain graph, made from the shredded bits of past GOP PowerPoint presentations. it’s graph salad.

    it’s the distilled essence of today’s GOP, actually.

  27. 27
    Comrade Stuck says:

    The Republican Road to Recovery — Now we know why the Britney concert in liew of Obama presser. Inspiration. If Spears can do it again — OOps, we canz too!

  28. 28
    used to be disgusted says:

    All those lovely diagrams in the links put a smile on my face and a song in my heart. It’s really the cumulative effect — the basic meaninglessness of the graphic design just gets better and better with repetition.

    Also thank you @4 for the Lily Allen link. She does it better than anyone.

  29. 29
    [delurk]...[/delurk] says:

    @cleek:

    so, there’s this unexplained linkage between four vague sentence fragments. what links them isn’t clear; what they even are isn’t clear. it’s Dada. it’s a novelty Markov chain graph, made from the shredded bits of past GOP PowerPoint presentations. it’s graph salad.

    Bevor Dada da war, Dada war da!

  30. 30
    here4tehbeer says:

    "SCL" popped up in a #lyt qualifier volley this afternoon…

    http://layertennis.com/qualifiers/090327_Q1/02.php

    hmmmm….

  31. 31
    Ian says:

    The scary thing is this might well be the very best they can do.

    They have briefcases full of corporate cash! They can pay people to do this, can’t they?

  32. 32

    @cleek: I assumed the bubble budget was inspired by old motel signs.

    Or this.

  33. 33
    Michael D. says:

    Off topic, but necessary.

    Question: How is Michelle Bachmann still a Member of Congress?

    Answer: ?

  34. 34
    Mazacote Yorquest says:

    "No see, Obama’s budget is like "ding-ding-ding-dingy-ding-ding, ding-ding-ding-dingy-ding-ding" and our GOP proposal is like "ding-ding-ding-dingy-ding-ding, DING-ding-ding-ding-dingy-ding-ding."

    For those too young or cultured:
    http://music.aol.com/feature/f.....anilla-ice

  35. 35
    NonyNony says:

    @Michael D.:

    Off topic, but necessary.

    Question: How is Michelle Bachmann still a Member of Congress?

    Answer: Representative Democracy is a strange thing. Especially when you throw jerrymandering into the mix.

  36. 36
    R-Jud says:

    Poor Republicans. Someone set them up the bomb!

    OT: More info on those crooked Luzerne County judges:

    One courthouse worker recounted seeing a high school friend appear before Judge Ciavarella on a speeding charge. When the state trooper testified that he had clocked the man going 80 in a 55-mile-per-hour zone, the judge interrupted. “No, I think he was just going 60. Matter closed,” the worker recalled the judge saying. Shocked, the trooper turned to face the judge. “You’re dismissed,” the judge said.

    Taste the rainbow here.

    A relative of mine is county commish in a county that borders Luzerne. When she began her term she uncovered some seriously shady budget shenanigans, the fixing of which would require both heavy service cuts and tax hikes. "Could be worse," she said, "We could be Luzerne." Ah, Northeastern PA: every year when I visit I am reminded why I GTFO at the earliest opportunity.

  37. 37
    John S. says:

    Stop, Collaborate and Listen…

    GOP’s back with a brand new invention!

    Under Pressure? Never heard of it…

  38. 38
    chopper says:

    @Tim F.:

    that’s like asking whether knitting ought to be fun when it starts with shaving the sheep.

    everything’s fun when it starts with shaving a sheep.

  39. 39
    John S. says:

    @kommrade reproductive vigor:

    That motel site is full of WIN!

    Thanks ever so much for sharing. I have a penchant for all things retro (in terms of design – not so much political ideology).

  40. 40

    "No see, Obama’s budget is like "ding-ding-ding-dingy-ding-ding, ding-ding-ding-dingy-ding-ding" and our GOP proposal is like "ding-ding-ding-dingy-ding-ding, DING-ding-ding-ding-dingy-ding-ding."

    You know, that was a dodge worthy of the GOP. Maybe V.N. is their true leader.

    I have a penchant for all things retro (in terms of design – not so much political ideology).

    Same here. If they ever create a time machine I’d go back to, oh … say 1955 with a car transporter and load it up.

    And then GtFo before someone lynched my ass.

    I think that’s part of Lilek’s problem. He’s hooked on the design of the period (understandable) but is convinced that if enough American’s revert to the mindset of that time one of these will magically appear in his driveway.

  41. 41
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    Sen. Judd Gregg represents:

    _"It is the individual American who creates prosperity and good jobs, not the government."

    _"We believe that you create energy independence not by sticking Americans with a brand new national sales tax on everyone’s electric bill, but by expanding the production of American energy … while also conserving more."

    _"We also believe you improve everyone’s health care not by nationalizing the health care system and putting the government between you and your doctor, but by assuring that every American has access to quality health insurance and choices in health care."

    He said the U.S. "has an exceptional history of one generation passing on to the next generation a more prosperous and stronger country, but that tradition is being put at risk."

    It’s the verbal equivalent of the 99 Luftballons they floated in their alternative budget.

  42. 42
    cleek says:

    That motel site is full of WIN!

    his whole site is really good. though it looks like he’s taken his best stuff (the Gallery of Regrettable Food) and locked it away in a book.

    if you can forgive his foray into politics, Lileks can be hilarious.

  43. 43
    JL says:

    Thanks to you Senator Gregg and the repub party.

    He said the U.S. "has an exceptional history of one generation passing on to the next generation a more prosperous and stronger country, but that tradition is being put at risk."

  44. 44
    ajf says:

    Spooky?! Gar, Cole! Homebrewing is the backbone of this great nation!

  45. 45
    Dennis-SGMM says:

    _"It is the individual American who creates prosperity and good jobs, not the government."

    Right:

    President Barack Obama’s former nominee to become commerce secretary, Sen. Judd Gregg, steered taxpayer money to his home state’s redevelopment of a former Air Force base even as he and his brother engaged in real estate deals there, an Associated Press investigation found.

    Gregg, R-N.H., personally has invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in Cyrus Gregg’s office projects at the Pease International Tradeport, a Portsmouth business park built at the defunct Pease Air Force Base, once home to nuclear bombers. Judd Gregg has collected at least $240,017 to $651,801 from his investments there, Senate records show, while helping arrange at least $66 million in federal aid for the former base.

  46. 46
    kay says:

    @Dennis-SGMM:

    Gregg is completely without credibility. Why didn’t we hear from this person when his Party was in power?

    The part that rankles is Obama GAVE him credibility, and a national, mainstream platform. Huge blunder. From almost the moment Obama handed him that, Gregg has been using it to beat Obama over the head, and promote the Republican Party.

    Because it isn’t about deficits. It’s about the GOP agenda. If it WAS about deficits, we would have seen a wholesale rebellion from every principled Congressional conservative since Reagan’s second term. Republicans spending money thye didn’t have on their pet projects didn’t start with Bush II. It started with Reagan. What principles are they returning to? Reagans? Then they run up debt.

  47. 47
    kay says:

    @Dennis-SGMM:

    The day before that came out, Gregg appeared, with that agonized expression on his face, and delivered a sanctimonious lecture on government spending, to a fawning press. He was dripping concern.

    24 hours prior to this being released. How do they do it? Is he thinking "except for that huge stipend I personally delivered to my family"?

  48. 48
    Corner Stone says:

    @stickler

    But he seems to have no kids yet, and is young, so I must therefore hate him. Despite his Fark-Fu.

    God. I hate him now too.

  49. 49
    Corner Stone says:

    @MattF

    But… but… he uses a teleprompter.

    It may be because I’m hammered at 10 in the morning but for some reason I found this fucking hilarious.

  50. 50
    Corner Stone says:

    @kay

    The part that rankles is Obama GAVE him credibility, and a national, mainstream platform. Huge blunder. From almost the moment Obama handed him that, Gregg has been using it to beat Obama over the head, and promote the Republican Party.

    Now, I’m no OFB but I have to admit that most things Obama does seem to have an end goal in mind. The whole uproar of the "incompetence" of Geithner is just part of that. No matter what we little ‘uns think about the Plan, the banksters will get exactly what they want. We will be forced to admit this after the kabuki cloud has dissipated.
    However, I’m completely befuddled at the whole Gregg nomination move. What was the goal? What was the underlying purpose served?
    Keeping Gates on at DoD is understandable, and obviously Obama’s riding the whole bipartisan schtick as far as he can. With that said, I wonder what we will find out a year from now, or 3 years (if ever) from now about how the Gregg nomination served Obama’s purpose.

  51. 51
    Ian says:

    Idiocracy- what another 8 years of Republican rule could lead us too

  52. 52

    […] Van Winkle March 28, 2009, 8:27 pm Filed under: Uncategorized Ha ha ha.  Hee hee hee.  Oh this made me […]

  53. 53
    rufustfyrfly says:

    Here’s my contribution:

    http://farm4.static.flickr.com.....f6ca_o.jpg

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