Funniest Comment of the Year

I am a little behind on this, and mainly because I completely forgot about it. At any rate, here are five quotes that should serve as a starting point for the funniest comment of the year. Add other worthy entries in the comments, I will add them, and tomorrow I can put up a poll.

Michael D.:

Ahmmm, I’m a ghey, and I wouldn’t do anything with the words “Cruise” and “Hugh Hewitt” in it.

Of course, with all those social conservatives in one place, it’ll probably sound like Riverdance in the bathrooms.

Rachel:

Freedom of speech is freedom to mangle metaphors. In other words, give idiots enough rope, and they’ll put themselves in front of the firing squad.

Krista:

You can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska.

And when I look out my window I can see the moon. Doesn’t make me a fucking astronaut now, does it?

John S.:

David Gregory is Paul Bunyan’s axe: A giant fucking tool.

TheFountainhead

If only Wallace had held ten town hall meetings with MLK, we wouldn’t be having this problem today.

Have at it.






108 replies
  1. 1
    J. says:

    I remember when Krista left that comment. Effing brilliant. Hands down my favorite. Bravo Krista! She’s got my vote.

  2. 2
    Zifnab says:

    The fact that I can recognize four of those five seems to indicate I have too much free time.

  3. 3
    Laura W says:

    At the risk of being banned for life, this feels like the appropriate time to post a little list I’ve been compiling for a while. The formatting and citations aren’t as consistent and complete as I’d planned, but whatever. One of my resolutions is to be less anal and more relaxed about details anyway.
    (Disclaimer: I think Tunch is 100% adorable. I love fat cats, especially boy cats. I do this out of love and affection, and because so many of my best LOLs on this site have come from pithy Tunch jokes.)

    TOP 14 FUNNIEST FAT CAT JOKES AT TUNCH’S EXPENSE

    10/23 Ash Can (Cat blogging post):
    John posts two imposters: I suppose you think they are fat, too.

    10/22 Dork:
    That cat is seriously fat. Michael Moore fat.

    jake 4 that 1:
    And yeah. No offense, but your fat cat makes my fat cat look like a super model.
    I thought you had him on a diet. He must be supplementing his meals with the occasional small dog or child.

    John Cole:
    Look, he is a little pudgy, but I can still lift him without grunting.

    ??:
    Good-sized, to be sure, but that Tunch? Wow. Does that cat meow or oink?

    John Cole 10/24:
    He is not fat. I think maybe if he were a darker color, it would make him look slimmer.

    October 24th Laura W:
    @Ella in NM: I expect to see both Tunch and John headed off to Casa Serena sur La Mer (eating disorders clinic to the stars) thanks to A & E’s Intervention, circa 2009. Intense family therapy ahead.
    Own your shit, John.
    It’s killing Tunch.
    Can’t you SEE?

    And When Things Get Really Bad, I Can Eat My Cat and Craft Arrows From His Bones post
    #90 p.a.:
    Oh dear god don’t start the ‘He’s not fat’/He is so’ thread again

    #96 gil mann:
    It also has been wonderful to know that we live in a nation that affords Tunch the opportunity to reinvent himself from a cat to a beanbag chair.

    Pastafarian Nov 3:
    John finally found a camera angle that doesn’t make Tunch look fat: behind two computer monitors.

    Zifnab 12/3:

    @Krista:
    Just keep Tunch inside, as we have a fox hanging around and I’d hate for Tunch to become a snack pack three course meal salad bar and desert.

    Fix’d. Honestly, I’d be more worried for the fox.

    Calouste:

    @Zifnab:
    "Just keep Tunch inside, as we have a fox hanging around and I’d hate for Tunch to become a snack pack three course meal salad bar and desert."

    I don’t think salad comes into it much when Tunch is involved.

    12/11 Punchy:
    "Make sure you throw in a few of Tunch every now and then. Wouldn’t want him to feel left out."

    Cole’s gotta find the wide-angle lens first.

    12/21 Reverend Dennis:
    "Perhaps the blimp companies can swing by John’s house to get a shot of Tunch since they’re wasting their time with the games today."

    As long as there’s a voiceover explaining which shot is of the blimp and which is of Tunch.

  4. 4
    lost in GA says:

    EarBucket

    I heard he fed the entire crowd with five bratwursts and two Heinekens.

  5. 5
    Jim Henley says:

    Krista, in a walk. Single funniest line to come out of the campaign, let alone this blog.

  6. 6
    The Other Steve says:

    I always get a kick out of the comments

    Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    It was a while before I realized it was a Simpsons quote.

  7. 7
    Xanthippas says:

    Once again proving that Balloon Juice is one of the few blogs whose commentators are worth reading as well.

  8. 8
    Xanthippas says:

    Oh yeah, and I vote for Krista too. That line had me LOLing at work.

  9. 9
    Kevin K. says:

    My vote would go to The Other Steve:

    Do you suppose Hillary will shout “LEEEEROY JENKINS!!” as she enters the Convention Hall?

    I liked it so much I did a blog post about it (w/ the video).

  10. 10
    Pb says:

    Krista FTW!

    What else did we have in 2008… no Darrell, but there was myiq2xu of course. Instead, I give you… Birdzilla:

    Pakin is from ALASKA and she worries the granola munching tree huggers riding around on their chinese made bicycles made at one of theor sweatshops SCREW THEM GREENS

  11. 11
    Shygetz says:

    Krista, in a walk. Only quote I actually stole to use on my friends.

  12. 12
    Steve V says:

    Michael wins easily, Krista a solid second place.

  13. 13
    cleek says:

    i liked this one and this one – the second is a link to my illustration of the comment.

  14. 14
    DougJ says:

    I vote for Krista’s.

  15. 15
    Krista says:

    Michael’s quote definitely had me laughing out loud with the mental imagery.

    What can I say? We Maritimers are a funny lot.

  16. 16
    Punchy says:

    BTW, what does Kris ackshully win? 2 free nites and round-trip airfare to visit Cole-ifornia spend time throwing up in Tunch’s foodbowl?

  17. 17
    shortstop says:

    Three-way (tie) among Krista, Michael and Fountainhead.

  18. 18
    DougJ says:

    I’d also like to nominate this as the best line ever delivered to Joe Scarborough:

    You know, you have such a stunningly superficial knowledge of what went on that it’s almost embarrassing to listen to you.

  19. 19
    The Other Steve says:

    My vote would go to The Other Steve:

    Do you suppose Hillary will shout “LEEEEROY JENKINS!!” as she enters the Convention Hall?

    I liked it so much I did a blog post about it (w/ the video).

    I totally forgot about that. :-)

    Man, I miss the days of mocking Clinton supporters. It was much more fun then mocking Dean supporters back in 2004.

  20. 20
    Original Lee says:

    Krista FTW.

    TOS’s Leeroy Jenkins comment is my next favorite.

    John’s post title "And When Things Get Really Bad, I Can Eat My Cat and Craft Arrows from His Bones" is a close third.

    I also like this comment from croatoan:
    “Every vote counts”

    Offer not valid in caucus states or for Obama supporters in Michigan.

  21. 21

    Like Zifnab, I do remember some of these, all of them great, but I have to cast my vote for Michael D’s coffee-spewing observation:

    Of course, with all those social conservatives in one place, it’ll probably sound like Riverdance in the bathrooms.

  22. 22
    TheFountainHead says:

    I am fattened. I mean flattened. I mean flattered.

  23. 23
    jenniebee says:

    @DougJ: I saw that too. More and more people are just telling the bobble heads that they’re bobble heads, and getting applause for it – Amanda Peet telling Good Morning America that she’s become a spokesperson for vaccinations because the media will pay attention to what a celebrity has to say about science, but won’t actually tell people clearly what the overwhelming scientific consensus is; there’s Caroline Kennedy asking if she was being interviewed for a woman’s magazine or a political journal; and now Brezinski tells Scarborough that he doesn’t have a fucking clue.

    I sense a sea change coming.

  24. 24
    Rosali says:

    I vote for Fountainhead and Rachel. The subtlety slays me.

  25. 25
    p.a. says:

    Krista gets my vote. And yes I have shamelessly used variations on that line many times since.

  26. 26
    Cruel Jest says:

    Krista FTW. This is one of the few blogs where the comments are worth reading and I see lot’s of funny shit, but the "Moon" comment has that rare "left hook out of nowhere" quality where LOL actually means LOL.

  27. 27

    <chanting>

    Krista! Krista! Krista!

    </chanting>

  28. 28
    zmulls says:

    But..but….I am aware of all Internet traditions!!

  29. 29
    Montysano (All Hail Marx & Lennon) says:

    During yesterday’s flame-thread discussion of guitar players, Ahab TRuler nailed one:

    Def Leppard’s drummer is also a better guitarist than Tom Morello.

    But really, how to choose the best? Balloon Juice is an embarrassment of riches.

  30. 30
    Kevin K. says:

    Man, I miss the days of mocking Clinton supporters.

    Wait, were we supposed to stop?

  31. 31
    Zifnab says:

    @jenniebee:

    I sense a sea change coming.

    Don’t hold your breath on it. John Stewart was chewing out the Crossfire crowd four years ago for this kind of bullshit. And he wasn’t the first.

    It would be nice if more elected officials developed a backbone and started batting down media stupidity, but I just don’t see it happening in more than fits and spurts.

  32. 32
    Laura W says:

    John, do you ever do Funniest Overall Commenter of the Year? I can think of 7 of my faves right off the top of my pointy head. Is there a way to compile a list of top 10 nominees (not necessarily in a public thread so as to avoid hurting delicate feelings), and then do an anonymous vote poll thingey?
    I’d like to see those who consistently contribute funny shit get some love, personally.

  33. 33
    Reverend Dennis says:

    It would be nice if more elected officials developed a backbone and started batting down media stupidity, but I just don’t see it happening in more than fits and spurts.

    Trying to bat down media stupidity is like trying to bail out a canoe with a tennis racket.

  34. 34
    Gravenstone says:

    Krista ftw. It’s the only one of the proffered quotes that I saw echoed openly about the blogosphere, including on the GOS.

  35. 35

    How can anyone forget tBone’s telling of the stories of Ms. Clinton’s trips to the crisis zones of the world?

  36. 36
    Face says:

    @cleek: You do realize that the comment you just pimped is from 2007, right? :)

  37. 37
    Krista says:

    How can anyone forget tBone’s telling of the stories of Ms. Clinton’s trips to the crisis zones of the world?

    That deserves a special award of merit all of its own, IMHO. It was more than just a comment, it was a lovingly crafted, painstakingly executed work of snarktacular art.

  38. 38
    Just Some Fuckhead says:

    All good but my favorite was "You blog with the commenters you got, not the commenters you’d like." I think it was Dennis but I’m not sure if it was within the last year.

  39. 39
    El Cid says:

    @DougJ: I just don’t agree with the "almost". Unless it’s the "almost" from the epilogue of "A Mighty Wind".

  40. 40

    Dennis–SGMM had a great comment back during the primary. I can’t seem to find it anywhere. Oy. It was something about HRC tasting (or smelling?) an intern on Bill’s breath when they kissed? FUCK! I wished I could find it. I laughed for a good week over that one.

    The comments listed are a great sample, and Xanthippas is absolutely on target. I truly enjoy the commentariat here at BJ. Between Cole, TF and MD I get a delicious cup of hot steaming snark with each post. (I better stop now. I can only imagine how weepy I’ll be after half a bottle of tequila later tonight.)

    Each and every one of you vicious fuckers deserve kudos.

  41. 41
    The Moar You Know says:

    Def Leppard’s drummer is also a better guitarist than Tom Morello.

    @Montysano (All Hail Marx & Lennon): AhabTRuler deserves a medal for that one. I had to go lie down afterwards.

  42. 42
    Oy Vey says:

    Krista, without a doubt. I’ve also used that to good effect outside the internets.

  43. 43
    Sam Simple says:

    "You are all Joe the Plumber" – a befuddled John McCain.

  44. 44
    Dreggas says:

    I am sure it was in 07 but the thread about skull-fucking kittens is still one of the bestest threads (and comment posts) ever.

  45. 45
    TenguPhule says:

    Krista.

    Let’s face it, it was one of those right place, right time quotes that will live forever in BJ memory.

  46. 46
    srv says:

    At any rate, here are five quotes that should serve as a starting point for the funniest comment of the year.

    I suppose you’ll rant about me being pedantic, but the first two quotes are not of this year.

  47. 47
  48. 48
    John Cole says:

    @srv: I didn’t collect quotes last year until late in the year, so when I started collecting, I added them all in for 2008.

    Next year, all of the 2009 quotes will be from 2009.

  49. 49
    over_educated says:

    Krista. By a landslide.

  50. 50
    Gus says:

    Michael D. and Krista tie.

  51. 51
    Reverend Dennis says:

    @The Grand Panjandrum:
    Thanks for the hat tip. At the time Hillary was going on about "the Commander-in-Chief Threshold." No one seemed to be able to pin down exactly what that was. I opined that maybe you crossed the CICT when you tasted another woman’s lipstick on your husband’s dick.

  52. 52
    The Other Steve says:

    Krista’s comment surely wins the prize.

    That joke was even used by Jay Leno.

  53. 53
    The Other Steve says:

    One of my favorites was r€nato’s…

    I hope that this will be remembered in the future when Reagan’s legacy is discussed. He made America feel good about itself once again, in much the same way that getting drunk makes you forget that you’re broke and you lost your job.

  54. 54
    Warren Terra says:

    They are long and have a narrative form, and it’s possible their authors also posted them elsewhere, but there are two comments that really deserve to be added to the list:

    1) Tbone’s awesome Clinton War Diaries, especially the Tuzla episode (already mentioned above).

    2) The UAW one-act play, which John promoted from the comments to a post (as he did with Krista’s great astronaut line) but overlooked for this post.

  55. 55
    Elroy's Lunch says:

    Yup, Krista FTW. My friends and family got tired of me repeating it to them. Michael D’s was right up there too. Hell, 90% of the commenters on this site dish some serious snark. Got me through the last four years.

  56. 56
    Ivan Ivanovich Renko says:

    Krista wins. I wasn’t able to stop using it ’til after the election.

    And it still makes me chuckle.

  57. 57
    Frank Sobotka says:

    I enjoyed Krista’s so much I stole it and was using it with friends. They think I’m the witty one, not the troll who steals his funny from the internet.

  58. 58
    srv says:

    I nominate:

    October 13th, 2008 SpotWeld:

    John McCain, the blinking 12:00 of presiddential canidates.

  59. 59
    KRK says:

    In their end-of-the-year exuberance, most folks seem to be missing the point that this is a nominations thread, and the voting thread is promised for tomorrow.

    I’d like to second Warren Terra’s nomination of the UAW/Mitt Romney three-act play.

  60. 60
    JGabriel says:

    Krista, For The Win.

    For 2nd Place/Honorable Mention, I have to go with the Cole quote on Tunch that Laura W highlighted above:

    He is not fat. I think maybe if he were a darker color, it would make him look slimmer.

  61. 61
    passerby says:

    The fact that I can recognize four of those five seems to indicate I have too much free time.

    Echo that Zifnab. And though it may seem to indicate that, for my money, having too much free time is never a bad thing.

    John’s list of snark and sass is just the tip of the iceberg. This place is slap full wit and sarcasm and I like it.

    Michael D’s "Riverdance in the Bathroom" sparked a highly amusing image in my fertile imagination. FTW.

  62. 62
    Laura W says:

    @Dreggas: Second!

  63. 63
    bago says:

    I gotta go rachel.

  64. 64
    srv says:

    Dreggas post here.

  65. 65
    lilly Von Schtupp says:

    I agree with Montysano, this site and it’s comments are an "embarassment of riches".

    You are all winners! (Wipes a tear)

  66. 66
    Shinobi says:

    Thirding the nomination of the UAW One act. It does not get better than that.

    Also.. I would nominate Krista’s Astronaut quote for one of the best gratuitous uses of the F word evah.

  67. 67
    sparky says:

    @Reverend Dennis: i’d also nominate this one as best comment and Krista’s for best retort.

    /has cake and munches, too…

  68. 68
    John S. says:

    I am flattered to be nominated, but my vote goes to Krista.

    Especially since a certain writer for a national publication blatantly jacked her shit.

  69. 69

    @Reverend Dennis: That was it. You don’t happen to recall what post that was per chance?

    I must have some British blood in me because bawdy humor generally gets that biggest laughs out of me. You only have to mention the name Benny Hill and I start chuckling.

  70. 70
  71. 71
    Reverend Dennis says:

    It was #18 on this thread under my old Dennis-SGMM handle.
    I had to Google to find the thing.

  72. 72
    TheAssInTheHatOnMyCat(Formerly Comrade Tax Analyst) says:

    demimondian
    How can anyone forget tBone’s telling of the stories of Ms. Clinton’s trips to the crisis zones of the world?

    That was classically rich.

  73. 73
    TheAssInTheHatOnMyCat(Formerly Comrade Tax Analyst) says:

    In the main category, though, I have to go with Krista’s "fucking astronaut" comment. It was the perfect equivalency to Palin’s assinolicacy.

    I remember that I was all snickers and smiles when I read it.

  74. 74
    TheAssInTheHatOnMyCat(Formerly Comrade Tax Analyst) says:

    KRK
    In their end-of-the-year exuberance, most folks seem to be missing the point that this is a nominations thread, and the voting thread is promised for tomorrow.

    Well, shit-howdy…I won’t be around on the Net tomorrow. Can I cast an "Absentee Ballot"?

  75. 75
    Garrigus Carraig says:

    Michael D. Krista a close second.

  76. 76
    Medicine Man says:

    Oh Laura W.,

    So much hatin on Tunch. :)

    Poor Tunch, He’s just trying to get by in a Cat-eat-everything world.

  77. 77
    Beej says:

    Krista’s comment, no contest. I’ve plagarized it shamelessly.

  78. 78
    lee says:

    Krista’s comment first.

    Michael D’s second.

  79. 79
    JasonF says:

    The astronaut comment was brilliant, to the point where I heard Stephanie Miller repeating it (after Krista posted it here, so I have no doubt Stephanie stole it from here).

  80. 80

    "It’s part of reporting this case, this election, the feeling most people get when they hear Barack Obama’s speech. My, I felt this thrill going up my leg. I mean, I don’t have that too often."

    Chris Matthews about Barack Obama

  81. 81
    Krista says:

    Krista’s comment first.
    Michael D’s second.

    I’m trying to figure out what it means when the top two contenders for funniest comment on an American politics blog…are from Canada.

    And the same damn province, no less. That’s kind of weird.

  82. 82
    Bhall35 says:

    I don’t know, Michael D.’s is pretty hard to beat for the absurd visuals it conjures up…

  83. 83
    iluvsummr says:

    Krista for the win – I couldn’t stop laughing when i first read it.

  84. 84
    robertdsc says:

    Krista or John S with Krista by a nose.

  85. 85
    Reverend Dennis says:

    We’re overlooking someone who used to be a regular here. During the primaries, the comedy stylings of p.lukasiak were golden. The ones where he would mathematically "prove" that Hillary should and would be the nominee were standouts.

  86. 86

    I like John Cole’s writing quite a bit but I come here regularly for the comments as much as the posts.

    Krista – that was killer.

  87. 87
    JGabriel says:

    Another nominee for funniest comment of the year – MXH on Palin’s interview at the Turkey Abbatoir:

    Yes, turkeys are killed so that we can have Thanksgiving. However, doing an extended televised interview in front of a guy stuffing turkeys head first into the funnel of death is still a bad idea.

    A similarly bad idea: doing an extended televised interview on the importance of Mothers Day while people fuck in the background.

    Also thirding/fourthing/whatevering the nomination for the UAW one act.

    .

  88. 88
    Free At Last says:

    @passerby: Michael D’s "Riverdance in the Bathroom" sparked a highly amusing image in my fertile imagination. FTW.

    Ditto

  89. 89
    Evolved Deep Southerner says:

    There was "Delivering the people’s elbow. Can you smell what Barack is cookin’?"

    Don’t know if it makes the list above, but, damn, I laughed. And you’d best believe I stole the hell out of it in conversation, complete with a full-body pantomime.

  90. 90
    Dreggas says:

    @Krista:

    No kidding, just what the hell is in that canadian water of yours anyway eh?

  91. 91
    Comrade Luke says:

    Honestly, as humorous as the list is, the Tunch quotes have me laughing my ass off, and I’m now committed to come here from the rss feed so I can read the comments.

    That poor cat. I can see John looking at him and he just does that little slow blink, having no idea how badly he’s being slandered on the internets.

    And the fact that someone wrapped him in a Michael Moore quote just takes the cake.

  92. 92
  93. 93
    Laura W says:

    @Comrade Luke:

    he just does that little slow blink, having no idea how badly he’s being slandered LOVD on the internets.

    Self-esteem bolstering Fixt.

  94. 94
    Evolved Deep Southerner says:

    John, Just Some Fuckhead has another classic at #4 in that same thread. Thanks for finding it, bro. When I think about that campaign, I think about the Pony putting all those reporters on that plane and hauling ass in the opposite direction.

  95. 95
    Ash Can says:

    @Laura W: Thanks for the mention — I believe the quote you’ve attributed to me was actually one of John’s remarks, whereas I was the "??" who queried whether Tunch meowed or oinked.

    As for funniest comment, good grief. I’ve sat here laughing tears so many times, reading through all the smart asses piling onto the stupidity du jour (and this year’s presidential election provided an abundance of it). No way can I choose.

  96. 96
    Laura W says:

    @Ash Can: You are correct! Let the Tunch record stand corrected!
    Honest to god, I had two email draft iterations running for that thing, and for the life of me I couldn’t get all the citations accurate. Not that I didn’t slum in the archives and try, mind you.

    Of course #1 is John, and just fyi, your "meow or oink" quip was what started the whole list keeping thing anyway. Except I remembered it as: "meow or moooooo", which is also pretty funny.

  97. 97

    […] might have some pictures of Tunch glaring at Laura W. up […]

  98. 98
    Charity says:

    Among the published list, Krista by a country mile.

    I second or third or whichever the UAW play comment. It got on Rachel Maddow’s show FFS!

    But Krista, if she’d had a show back in the summer, you totally would have made it on.

  99. 99
    Krista says:

    But Krista, if she’d had a show back in the summer, you totally would have made it on.

    ‘Tis for the best, then. I would have made a complete idiot of myself, without a doubt.

  100. 100

    Krista, without a doubt.

  101. 101
    Michael D. says:

    I actually thought MY comment was pretty funny, but the test is in how you use them. I found myself going around the office and repeating Krista’s comment to a lot of people, so you know who I’m going with.

    The difference between the two comments? Both were funny. With Krista’s you got mileage!

    And yes, Maritimers are funny. Newfoundlanders, like me, are even funnier! :-)

  102. 102
    Michael D. says:

    @The Other Steve:

    That joke was even used by Jay Leno.

    Hmmm, or was Jay Leno’s joke used by Krista??? Krista, is your last name Domenech?

  103. 103
    Michael D. says:

    How can anyone forget tBone’s telling of the stories of Ms. Clinton’s trips to the crisis zones of the world?

    Link? I’ve must have missed this stuff!

  104. 104
    metricpenny says:

    I know 2009 is going to be a great year for me. Why? Because I started it with big, tears rolling down my face, guffaws at the comments in this thread.

    I’ll be voting for Krista’s "f-ing astronaut" comment. I still remember the day she posted it. I laughed then, and still chuckle every time it comes to mind.

    Laura W don’t stop being anal! I am not a cat person. In the past I’ve scrolled right past the cat posts. Not anymore! I’ll just go straight to the comments!

    John, may your 2009 be divine – filled with love, logic and laughter!

  105. 105
    Krista says:

    And yes, Maritimers are funny. Newfoundlanders, like me, are even funnier! :-)

    You’re a Newfoundlander? I thought you were from N.B. Or were you born a Newf and raised in N.B? That would explain that. At any rate, Newfoundlanders are some of the finest people to grace this green earth, so if you are indeed one, I raise my glass to you.

  106. 106
    hazel says:

    I nominate :

    THIS IS EXCELLENT NEWS!! FOR HILLARY!!!

    Posted by idiotic

  107. 107
    differnt church-lady says:

    Krista’s "astronaut" comment still had me laughing *weeks* later!

  108. 108

    […] hater, Laura W., who seems to have dedicated her life to lowering Tunch’s self-esteem by collecting a series of spiteful comments about his weight, seems to have a mini-scandal regarding her own cat’s porcine […]

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